Xxmellowmelon - Blogging My Life One Day At A Time

Me when I stop caring about syscourse and I get super deep into my personal hobbies and focus on my recovery: 🌻✨🎉

Honestly this whole experience made me question my own values a lot. I do still really focus hard on thinking critically and being open minded, but honestly I have been that. For over a year, on one topic. Letting go and finally accepting my beliefs and knowing they probably won't change is the most comforting feeling.

Hear me out.

The whole "pm Chuuya walks/stands on Dazai's blind side to protect him", we love that right.

But like they were partners for so damn long. And Chuuya made a habit of it early, so he doesn't think much of it, he just automatically stands on that side.

Old habits die hard, yes?

So fast forward to 22 era, the times Chuuya and Dazai have to work together, Chuuya still ends up standing on his ex partners previously blind side, even if he can see perfectly fine now.

At some point he catches himself and decides to stand on the other side for once because no way in hell his behaviour would be affected. Unfortunately for him he immediately feels wrong standing on the opposite side.

That and Dazai discreetly moves to have Chuuya end up on the "correct" side while they're fighting the enemy

I am not caught up on the July / August chapters (no clue if there's even a July one but I heard about the August one as every kunikida fan screamed in distress) and to be honest I kind of super don't want to be (gets vivid flashbacks to the prison scene chapters where chuuya / dazai almost DIED and everyone and me lost their damn minds waiting for the next chapter).

Someone let me know when the pain is over. Or when Volume 24 comes out. Whichever comes first. /lh

Complicated honestly.

Right now we've hit a level of functionality that works fine for us. I think at this point we work with our system well, and while we have not processed like any of our trauma, we can function decently and we know how to respond to ourselves when we're not doing well, which is like 90% of the time. This is probably as best as it will get for literal years because of our circumstances.

I don't know if this is functional multiplicity or not. I don't think we care either way which one it is, because at the end of the day we just want to be okay for once.

hello systems!! i have an important question!!

what does recovery look like to you? does it include final fusion or just healthy multiplicity?