At This Point It Would Be Less Of A Liability For Elons Lawyers To Just Kill Him And Take Their Chances

at this point it would be less of a liability for elon’s lawyers to just kill him and take their chances on a murder trial

Imagine Hinny never happening canonically.

Imagine after harry kissed her in the common room Ginny politely told him that she didn’t return his feelings and that she wanted nothing to do with him romantically. Imagine Harry being absolutely devastated but not showing it, having never even figured out what he was feeling for her. Harry trying to get over her while still being friendly with her, being miserable and broken hearted and having no idea what to do with himself. Then Dumbledore dies and he’s even more broken, he doesn’t even have anyone to pick up his pieces and take him away from Dumbledore’s body. He spends hours crying over the body. Then he has to leave and of course Ron and Hermione want to come with him and he’s grateful, he is, but he just wished there was someone who’d want him to stay. He finds the horcruxes, fights the battle, all in a haze. It’s like he’s stuck inside his head, full of darkness and misery with no way out. No sunlit days, no relief, no rock. And when he sees the killing curse towards him he doesn’t think of anyone or anything just feels a little relief that at least he doesn’t have to fight the darkness anymore. Then he meets Dumbledore at King’s cross and he tells him that his parents, godfather and uncle are right here, waiting for him. He feels a blubber of joy in him after so long at the thought of seeing them, his family. He knows now that the last horcrux is gone, someone could easily kill Voldemort and he did more than his part anyway. He knew people would care, the Weasleys, Ron and Hermione specially. But he’d just seen Fred die, he couldn’t even bear thinking about facing his family. Ron and Hermione had just gotten together, they’d be happy now anyway. They didn’t need him. She didn’t need him. He was just the Chosen One who’d done what he was supposed to. He could go home to his parents now.

So he did. He didn’t take the train back.

The Boy Who Lived died because Ginny Weasley never loved him, he never knew what love was, he never knew how to be truly, blissfully happy, never thought he could have a future. He chose his family over going back to the hell that his life had been because, really, what did he even have to look forward to? He’d never had a future after Voldemort anyway.

Imagine that.

so you want to save an ao3 fic onto the wayback machine...

ive seen way too many fics saved the wrong way so im here to remedy the situation <3

1. find the fic’s pure url. im gonna use one of my own fics as an example. so…let’s say you open a fic and copy the following url: https://archiveofourown.org/works/42712119/chapters/107299533

now what you’re going to do is get rid of the /chapters/107299533. that leaves us with https://archiveofourown.org/works/42712119 which is the “true” url. if the fic you want to save only has one chapter and isn’t rated mature, explicit, or not rated then you won’t have to do this step and your url is good to go. plug it into the wayback machine and save it!

2. is the fic multi-chapter? if so, take the fic’s pure url and attach the following: ?view_full_work=true 

in the case of our url, it will turn into https://archiveofourown.org/works/42712119?view_full_work=true and this will allow the wayback machine to capture the entire work at once

3. is the fic rated mature, explicit, or not rated? if so, take the fic’s pure url and attach the following: ?view_adult=true

in the case of our url, it will turn into https://archiveofourown.org/works/42712119?view_adult=true and this will allow the wayback machine to capture the work directly instead of that screen that pops up asking if you’re sure you want to read a work with adult content

4. are both of the above conditions true? if so, take the fic’s pure url and attach the following: ?view_adult=true&view_full_work=true

in the case of our url, it will turn into https://archiveofourown.org/works/42712119?view_adult=true&view_full_work=true and that will both capture the entire work at once and bypass that screen asking if you’re sure that you want to read a work with adult content

5. is the fic restricted to logged in users? sorry folks i don’t know how to deal with this one, but if a fic is restricted by this setting then the author probably doesn’t want the fic archived via the wayback machine anyway…

now go forth and save your fave fics properly! good luck and god speed!

Humans Are Weird

So there has been a bit of “what if humans were the weird ones?” going around tumblr at the moment and Earth Day got me thinking. Earth is a wonky place, the axis tilts, the orbit wobbles, and the ground spews molten rock for goodness sakes. What if what makes humans weird is just our capacity to survive? What if all the other life bearing planets are these mild, Mediterranean climates with no seasons, no tectonic plates, and no intense weather? 

What if several species (including humans) land on a world and the humans are all “SCORE! Earth like world! Let’s get exploring before we get out competed!” And the planet starts offing the other aliens right and left, electric storms, hypothermia, tornadoes and the humans are just … there… counting seconds between flashes, having snowball fights, and just surviving. 

Sex education with Severus Snape

Look, I blame Gin and heat exhaustion for this one. This is not my best writing but inspired by a discussion in the three broomsticks discord.

Despite being at capacity, the classroom was quiet.

The awkward silence was only occasionally broken by the scuffing of a shoe against the floorboards or the rustle of robes as someone covered their face. 

Harry would have given anything, even his firebolt, not to endure this. And like many of the other boys, he stared determinedly at the range of leaflets in his lap in a futile attempt to ignore the sound of Snape’s voice.

“This,” Snape said, with a slap of the cane against the anatomical diagram that dominated the chalkboard, 

“Is called the clitoris.” 

A shudder of snorts rippled around the classroom, yet Snape’s face remained impassive.

“Stebbins,” Snape said sharply, and a boy to Harry’s left quickly sat up. 

“What is the purpose of this…piece of anatomy?”

Several older boys laughed at the question.

“Errrrr. …I….” Stammered Stebbins, his fingers twisting in his lap as his face turned an ugly shade of puce.

“You don’t know?” Snape asked, a sneer on his lips.

“Like he even knows,” Ron muttered in Harry’s ear, causing his body to convulse with laughter and sending his copy of “The boy who cast Engorgio; human transfiguration gone wrong," fluttering to the ground.

Snape glared at them, his black robes contrasting the red of the labia majora that framed him.

“Does anyone else know the answer?’

Nobody replied, and silence blanked the classroom once more.

“Well,” Snape said, "When the headmaster asked me to give this class, I said that very few of you should ever reproduce, and now I can rest assured that no woman will ever go near any of you. So, you may leave early.”

The stampede to the door was unlike anything Harry had ever seen before.

yknow if romeo had just Cried on juliets corpse for a couple hours instead of drinking poison Right Then they would have been Fine