Sex Education With Severus Snape

Sex education with Severus Snape

Look, I blame Gin and heat exhaustion for this one. This is not my best writing but inspired by a discussion in the three broomsticks discord.

Despite being at capacity, the classroom was quiet.

The awkward silence was only occasionally broken by the scuffing of a shoe against the floorboards or the rustle of robes as someone covered their face. 

Harry would have given anything, even his firebolt, not to endure this. And like many of the other boys, he stared determinedly at the range of leaflets in his lap in a futile attempt to ignore the sound of Snape’s voice.

“This,” Snape said, with a slap of the cane against the anatomical diagram that dominated the chalkboard, 

“Is called the clitoris.” 

A shudder of snorts rippled around the classroom, yet Snape’s face remained impassive.

“Stebbins,” Snape said sharply, and a boy to Harry’s left quickly sat up. 

“What is the purpose of this…piece of anatomy?”

Several older boys laughed at the question.

“Errrrr. …I….” Stammered Stebbins, his fingers twisting in his lap as his face turned an ugly shade of puce.

“You don’t know?” Snape asked, a sneer on his lips.

“Like he even knows,” Ron muttered in Harry’s ear, causing his body to convulse with laughter and sending his copy of “The boy who cast Engorgio; human transfiguration gone wrong," fluttering to the ground.

Snape glared at them, his black robes contrasting the red of the labia majora that framed him.

“Does anyone else know the answer?’

Nobody replied, and silence blanked the classroom once more.

“Well,” Snape said, "When the headmaster asked me to give this class, I said that very few of you should ever reproduce, and now I can rest assured that no woman will ever go near any of you. So, you may leave early.”

The stampede to the door was unlike anything Harry had ever seen before.

Reblog for a larger sample size for no sample size at all, because obviously nobody will vote

I worked very hard on this

I'll never see white & gold without visual aid

Bringing this bitch back in this here 2023

kittyyyy

Sumire: *eating a cinnamon roll*

Ren: Cannibalism.