Zayne Fic - Tumblr Posts

꒰ 18+ 𝐌𝐃𝐍𝐈 ! ꒱

zayne wishes he wasn't too cowardly to love you.

f!reader ⊹ canon au ⊹ fluff. not established relationship, but an established crush; plays on the cafe date ⊹ 744 ⊹ footnote. i fell so head over heels in love with him when he made a snowy kitten and seal in the palm of his hands omg. anyway, explored a bit with his pov. i deviated from the original dialogue.

zayne often fantasizes about having a pleasant conversation with you, offering you words that grant him the presence of your soft smile and melodious laughter, a casual exchange of the fondness for you he cradles in his palms and chest. but. he thinks loving you might be like oil and water mixing, two components entirely opposite in composition trying to blend to no avail. he thinks loving you feels like ice, comfortable only to his flesh but frozen on his breath.

his hands remember how yours feel in his own but his tongue keeps the words to ask trapped behind his teeth; his bones become a gentle prison for the failures of his courage. he never reaches. he never grasps. he never holds. but he freezes. he regrets. he curses himself in silence. although zayne prides himself on being knowledgable and quietly protective, the truth is he’s a coward.

he must be. it’s the only explanation for how he sits before you, someone he’s known as long as he’s understood what it means to know, unable to speak, unable to offer any kind of words that would spark a fluid conversation. each time he opens his mouth to speak, only huffs of silence follow. each time you awkwardly offer a ledge for him to find his footing, he slips and watches it crumble. he’s just not good at this.

you look lovely today. i love the way you smile. even your awkward laugh carries an undeniable cuteness. i wish i could say more than just ‘you need to take care of yourself better.’ i wish i could say ‘let me help take care of you.’

you ask me if i remember and i want to know how i could possibly forget. all of me wants to be soft enough to hold all of you.

“zayne?” your soft beckoning from across the table. he blinks away the swirling thoughts that are slowly becoming quiet pleas from himself to indulge in this moment, this fortunate opportunity for time with you he didn’t have to chip away at a glacier within himself to have. he knows by now he might not ever develop the strength to tell you he wants you to visit him for more reasons than the time that’s packed itself between you both and him being your primary care physician.

i want to see you because i miss you; i want you to see me because you miss me.

“yes,” he answers, his facial expression blank, carrying all of his stoic facade. “i-i’m sorry. what did you say?” the flutter of your adored chuckle. “i said i didn’t know you liked this place. we should come here together next time.” “oh, yes. i suppose.” he says. 

i think i would go anywhere with you, but here could be a good place to start.

your head falls and his heart starts to race, thumping in his chest with wild abandon. he can feel the avalanche of disappointment rolling off of you, on its way to bury him under the heaviness of his own guilt. he’s just not good at this. “we…don’t have to if it’s troublesome. i know you’re a busy man these days.” and you bubble back to life, shaking away the fleeting moment of visible despondence. inwardly, he panics. he doesn’t want to miss another chance to grow closer to you, to build on this connection that sits idly between you both, unspoken but painfully obvious. it takes him a moment to respond; it’s not right until he sees something flicker in your eyes that looks dangerously close to ‘taking the hint’ that the words fumble out of his mouth clumsily. “it’s not.” he finally says. and maybe it’s not awkward or unsettling but that’s how his own voice feels. he almost winces at the discomfort of the words lodged in his throat. “…troublesome…to me, at least…meeting here. we should…when the time permits...as long as it doesn’t deter you from following your doctor’s adamant orders…if it means…you’ll eat more frequently…consistently. we should.” when he finally stops speaking, relief blooms in his chest and expands, an all-consuming comfort in silence found again. when your reply is a sweet smile and your eyes become tender pools reflecting warmth back to him, melting his hesitation, his relief transforms into adoration and reverence. the truth is he loves you. zayne isn’t good at this, but for you, he really wants to be.

tagging @kissxcore + @maimochies bc honestly i feel like they’ve been in the thick of this brainrot, too. and @takaiko bc their brainrot is on the way lmao.

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