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What would a telepath get when trying to read the mind of someone who has 0 internal dialogue.

Like, head full of thoughts, but no voice?

Or images??? What about those people with no internal dialogue AND aphantasia?

dont rlly have a specific request but Jay . anything jay Pls . 😁

for my darling nic—jay loves you but not as much as i do

note: if this seems at all familiar, it’s because i took inspiration from a blog i previously had and reworked it. :)

***

Jay is an enigma that you can’t seem to figure out.

He’s best friends with your roommate, who is far too eager to pull you out of your bedroom on a Saturday night to meet up with your mutual friends at the local waterhole. It’s a staple bar that’s heavy on the weekend rotation despite having seen evidence of having one too many drinks to the point where you both refuse to get out of bed unless you crawl.

Jake convinces you to put on ‘real clothes’ (in the form of throwing a dress that is short enough to combat the warmer summer nights with a neckline just low enough to show enough cleavage to score free drinks from the bartender) by way of throwing it onto your lap as you stare at your TV screen from the couch.

You two are the last to arrive. Heeseung makes room for you and fetches an extra stool. Sunghoon holds your purse while Jake offers to accompany you to the bar and order a drink or two to catch up with the rest of the guys.

Jay, however, has barely given you the time of day and you’re starting to wonder if you’ve been reading things wrong.

You aren’t sure when this thing started exactly. You’ve been the quiet type who tends to have the most fun when you’re with people you know, although Jake has coaxed you out of your shell since befriending you in college, which leads you to the president day with his friend group that had adopted you as one of their own. Jay’s the same, too, quiet by nature until you get to know him. Part of you thinks it’s why you like him so much. You have to do the work in order to get to know him and dig far deeper beneath the surface to understand him.

Jay comes over semi-regularly. You were too timid to spend time in the living room while he and Jake played video games on the couch, shouting at each other while you’d sit in the kitchen and scroll through your phone until boredom hit. It felt too awkward to be in the same room as someone you barely knew, the wandering glances and polite ‘excuse me’s’ too awkward for you to handle.

It wasn’t until both you and Jake fell ill from the typical flu season that Jay stepped up to the plate and showed you another side of him you hadn’t seen before. Coming over to take care of his best friend and someone he barely knew warmed your heart, along with the homemade soup he delivered to your apartment every day until the two of you recovered.

You’re like a shy cat who’s coaxed out of your bubble every time Jay comes around.

Little by little, you stay in the living room for a longer period of time when Jay comes over. He throws a haphazard smile your way before asking about your week and other mundane questions to keep the conversation flowing. You don’t shy away and force yourself to ask him the same questions too, and find that his laugh is melodic. You wouldn’t mind hearing it more often.

You start to open the door for Jay when he knocks. He starts to text you instead of Jake when he’s arrived at your doorstep. You become relaxed around him unlike the stiff, cardboard cutout-like person you were when you first met him. Jake is beyond thrilled when he realizes that the two of you are getting along and that you’ve taken it upon yourself to join them on the couch when they’re spending time together.

You think Jay might like you back because he stays up texting you throughout all hours of the night when, really, he should be sleeping to wake up for an early day at his job. He comes over when you ask him to, leaving Jake a bit perplexed to find him already in the apartment when he comes home from the gym. Jay even dedicates some time into looking up restaurants he’d think you’d like and takes it a step further by asking you to accompany him without any of the other guys around.

It feels comfortable and safe, the way Jay started to get to know you. It feels even more rewarding when you start to understand just who he is as a person beyond his exterior. But despite all of this back and forth, you feel stuck in a will-they-won’t-they situation because Jay will pay for your meals and wait for you to enter your apartment before driving away, but hasn’t done anything beyond that.

Moreover, Jay doesn’t realize that women find him attractive, but you do.

You notice it when women perform double takes on the sidewalk and stare at him far too long for your liking. You see it when waitresses and cashiers think of anything and everything to say to him as he’s paying, reluctantly letting him go once he gives them a nod and a thanks.

Jay never picks up on these advances and it hurts you when he smiles back at them and entertains their banter for a minute or two. He leaves room for something more with just about everyone he speaks with even if he doesn’t realize it, and it kills you.

Tonight is no exception.

You’ve returned from the bar with Jake, who tells you to cover the next time you get coffee to pay him back for tonight’s drinks. You’re barely able to register that a very attractive woman has approached Jay as he returned from the bathroom when you sit down at the seat Heeseung saved for you.

She compliments his cologne and tells him how good he smells, inviting herself closer to his body and telling him this like it’s a secret she wants him and only him to know. She squeezes his bicep and bites her lip when he politely thanks her, and you notice Jay doesn’t move from her grasp.

The woman compliments his hair, his smile, and every physical feature she can visible see to coax Jay into staying with her for the night. It’s too much to witness, especially when you see her shove her phone in his hands so that he could type his phone number.

You’ve barely touched your drink when you tell your friends you need some air.

You’re grateful no one follows you outside, although you’re sure Jake might’ve taken a peek to see where you are to ensure that you’re in a place he can see at all times. The weather has cooled down significantly and you’re starting to regret not bringing a light jacket.

The door beside you opens. You don’t have to look to see that Jay followed you outside.

“Hey, are you okay?”

You nod once, looking ahead of you. “Yeah, I’m fine. I just needed some air.”

“You look a little cold.”

You hate that you can hear the concern laced in his words.

“I’m fine. Thanks, though.”

Jay shakes his head and removed his jacket, offering it to you.”

“Here, take mine. I don’t want you to get sick.”

You shake your head.

“I’m fine. It’s not even that cold anyway.”

You feel his stare at your bare arms, which are no doubt littered in goosebumps. Still, your stubborn nature refuses to give in.

Jay sighs. “Please, Y/N? If not, I think you should come inside. The guys are wondering where you are.” I’m wondering where you went.

You take the jacket from his hand and drape it over your shoulders. Jay would’ve preferred if you put your arms through and wore it properly, but he supposed he can’t be too picky when you’re being like this.

When you don’t say anything, Jay takes it upon himself to move beside you and learn on the wall you’re occupying.

“Are you okay? You’ve been out here for quite some time.”

“I’m okay. It was getting hot inside.”

Jake bites his cheek but doesn’t say anything, even if he knows you’re lying.

“Yeah, it can get pretty warm in there. Loud, too.”

You barely nod. Jay looks at the floor before looking back ahead of him.

“Did you get the air you needed?”

Hesitantly, you shake your head. “No.”

“Well, can I do anything to help?”

His question makes you whip your head in his direction and you feel as though you must look silly with the way your eyes are glazed over and how your lips start to tremble. Jay’s eyes widen in shock at how you’re looking at him. He wants to hold your hand and comfort you until your eyes aren’t watering anymore.

“I think we should stop doing whatever this is.” He watches as your finger gestures between the two of you.

“W-What?”

“We’ve had our fun, don’t you think? It’s probably time for us to stop pretending that this will go anywhere.”

Jay panics. “Why are you saying this?”

You huff out a humorless laugh. “I just watched you type your phone number for a girl before coming out here, Jay. Any hope that you and I could be anything other than ‘just friends’ went down the drain. Women are always throwing themselves at you and you entertain them when we’re together. I like you so much to the point where I can’t sleep at night because I always want to talk to you, but then you go ahead and put your phone number into some random woman’s cell. It hurts my feelings, Jay.”

He shakes his head rapidly, his palms sweating despite the cold air. Jay pushes himself off the wall to face you with an expression of sheer panic.

“No, no, you’ve got it all wrong. Please just listen. I didn’t give her my number and the whole time I was wishing I could muster up the courage to tell her to fuck off.” He laughs to himself. “That’s such a shit-sounding excuse but I’m terrible when it comes to rejection and telling people no. I move on autopilot and I don’t know how to do anything except for being polite and hoping they take the hint. It feels like I’m letting people down if I don’t at least acknowledge them.

“The truth is, I like you a lot. Too much, probably. I think about you all the time and I force myself not to text you my every thought because I’m afraid that I’ll scare you away. I don’t want that woman that came up to me, or anybody who isn’t you. I just want you and I’m sorry that it seems like I don’t.”

Your face warms up at his confession and it feels like your heart is stuck in your throat. Jay’s affection rekindles something within you and it’s almost as if you’ve forgotten why you were upset in the first place.

“You’re not going to say anything?” he croaks.

You throw caution into the wind and kiss him.

He feels your palms pressed against his chest as you lurch your body forward in an attempt to be as close to him as possible. Your lips move in tandem with his and Jay brings his hand to hold the back of your neck in a gentle grasp while his other rests upon your waist to keep you in front of him like he’s scared you’ll disappear if he doesn’t.

When you pull away, you look at him and Jay presses a kiss to your forehead as he puts his hand in your own. He leads you back into the bar and secures his jacket on your shoulders without letting you go.

When the two of you are back inside of the bar and standing in front of your friends with a knowing glint in their eyes, Jay doesn’t hesitate to kiss you in front of them either.

***

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sorry to all tumblr wouldn't tag!