Stray Kids Yang Jeongin - Tumblr Posts

The Deal (2)

Summary: She was officially failing in life and most importantly in university! With her grades hanging of the edge of a thread and tutors rejecting her left and right her only option is to make a deal with the devil a.k.a Kim Seungmin.A deal should always be fair. Your grades in exchange for Kim Seungmin's dream girl. Simple?...Right?!

Word Count: 35k

Slight enemies to lovers, idiots to lovers, slow burn, angst, fluff.

No warnings, some foul language.

AN: Finally it's here! Tumblr won't let me post it in one post, so I am forced to divide into two parts. Would you be interested in SKZ x Greek Mythology theme? Hope you enjoy!!!

Part 1

@lethallyprotected

Well it was time.

   The holiday season. 

   The absurd seasonal drinks you were making all day confirmed that. 

   It was your last shift before taking off to your hometown and everyone on campus decided to pay you a visit today. You were running all around the place, making sugary sweet coffee and foamy milks until the smile was swiped off your face. It was the morning shift so that meant you were getting off at four. A quick glance told you it was 3:30 pm and the half hour that was left was pure torture. 

       But it passed. 

       At the end of your shift, you hung your apron to the back room and bid your coworkers and boss the appropriate Christmas wishes and temporary goodbyes. And you went straight home to start getting ready. You were calculating the time it would take you to get ready tomorrow morning and when should you leave to get there on time, when your phone interupting your train of thought. 

       You checked the id caller and saw Seungmin was calling you. Well, that was a surprise!

      You slid your finger over the screen accepting it and exclaimed loudly "Puppy!"

      "I told you not to call me that" he grumbled under his breath. "Where are you?" 

        You mentally checked before answering.

 You didn't forget any lessons today.

 And you didn't have any plans with him or the rest of them.

       "On my way home" you replied carefully, voice so low that you doubted he was able to hear it.

       A pause and then "Weren't you working today?" 

       "Yeah, my shift ended like 10 minutes ago" you snorted as you crossed the street. 

       "Oh.." he only said. But you could hear noise on the background like he was outside.

       "Seungmin where are you?" You inquired, curious.

       "At the coffee shop.." he replied, sounding defeated.

       You laughed at that. "Why?!"

       "I came by to drop one of your notebooks cause tomorrow you are leaving early" he hastily explained. It was true he had one of your notebooks, but it wasn't like it couldn't wait until after Christmas. 

       You bit your lip, unsure of what to say but opening your mouth all the same. "Well..I am going home you can.. swing by and leave it to me...If it isn't much trouble!" 

       "No, I will be there." he replied "You want anything from outside?"

       "No, I am okay. I will..see you in ten" you replied.

       "See ya in five" he said before hanging up. 

    You quickened your steps, almost fast walking to your house. You reached in no time and climbed the steps in a hurry. At first glance it didn't seem too bad, but it was in no state for visitors. So you began twirling, picking up whatever caught your eye first. You just finished tucking your bed when a knock sounded. 

    "Coming!"you said, rushing to the door and throwing it open to reveal a flushed from the cold Seungmin. He greeted you politely and entered your home, bringing along with him a plastic bag. You looked up and saw him fumbling. 

     "I..I thought that maybe we can watch that movie you said the other day.."he got out, not really looking you straight at the eyes. 

      You tucked your hair behind your ear, sending him a smile. "Sure! I would love to! Thanks for the snacks" You replied and took the bag from his hand.

         You shoved him lightly towards your couch and made your way to the kitchen to plate the pop corn he brought. Only to feel him hover behind you. You threw a glance and there he was leaning against the kitchen table, in all his glory.

       "What time are you leaving tomorrow?" He interjected.

        "Around 9. The train leaves at 10 but we said with Yuqi to be there a little earlier" he hummed, clearly approving of your plans. "How about you?"

        "I am leaving the day after tomorrow. We said with the guys to hang tomorrow evening" This time it was your turn to humm in approval. Some time out with his friends would do him good. He was way too couped up in his house.

       "What are you doing for the holidays?" You wondered as you opened up a bottle of coke as well. The less your fridge had for the holidays the better. You still could recall the horrifying smell of the food that had gone bad while you were away visiting your family. Never again.

       "Probably, I will just stay home. I talked with Jeongin- You don't know him.."he trailed off once he remembered.

        "Baby faced with dimples?" You asked, reaching for the glasses.

        He wordlessly nodded as he took a step closer and pulled them down for you.

        "Thanks. I have seen him around"you confirmed, turning to him.

        "Where?" He asked, doubtful. 

        "With you. Around the school. You know I see many people on a regular basis"you joked, recalling the faces that pasted through the store today and you shuddered.

        "I guess. Anyways, we said that maybe... we can take a trip to go skiing" he said, absentmindedly as he grabbed the full plate and walked towards your couch. He set the plate down only to unravel your bed, which you had previously set. For a moment you stood there watching him in your space. He didn't ask where to sit like the first time. He had been here by now multiple times and you found yourself liking this intimacy. Him at your space.

        When you didn't reply he turned towards you with one eyebrow raised. So you shook yourself out of the daydream you had and replied something like 'you will only hurt yourselves' 

      You quickly settled down beside him on your bed, searching for a calm movie to watch. Through a hasty search and your displeasure with the lack of good movies, you selected Lilo & Stitch, which you absolutely adored. You expected whines and arguments from your company, but only silent greeted you as the movie started. You looked over at him, only iluminated by your laptop's light and had an absurd thought.

 You would miss him during the holidays. 

   The next morning you were running in the cold streets, alongside Yuqi. Running with all your might, although exhausting, managed to secure you spots on the second running train of the day. Your journey was calm and quickly you parted ways with Yuqi, strolling towards the opposite direction. Your dad and your grandparents welcomed you warmly into your house and all together you sat until the early evening simply catching up.

       The rest two days you were spent in a relaxing state, you were simply sleeping and talking with your family. The third day you caught up with some old friends. Some you hadn't seen since forever, so it felt good to know they were doing well and some you still regularly contacted, so you were more aware of their news. 

     As you were walking back, your friends came in mind. What was Yuqi doing? Was Yuna well? Ryunjin got back safe from her trip to her boyfriend? How about Wooyoung and Jisung? Were they out there causing trouble? ...How about Seungmin?

     You fumbled with your phone for a bit, before unlocking it. You strolled through your contacts before briefly stopping above his name. 

     You bit into your lower lip before locking your phone. You would be a bother. You didn't really talk the last days, besides the occasional meme you sent. It would be weird to call him all of a sudden, wouldn't it? 

      Your phone suddenly rang and you nearly jumped out of your skin. You quickly turned your phone over and a gasp left you. The screen displayed the name, that you couldn't bring yourself to call just now. You accepted the call straight away.

      "Hey Y/N" he greeted quietly.

      "Hey Seungmin"you shyly greeted back, unsure what to say now that you were on the line with him. "How have you been?"

      "Good, good. My parents stuffed me with as much food as they could. I made plans with Jeongin this weekend as well." 

      "Mmm your ski trip. Sounds wonderful!  My dad had a feast for me as well. I am just now returning from an outing with friends." You said as you walked further down the familiar street. 

      "Am I interrupting you?" He asked as the thought just dawned on him. 

      "No! No, I am just walking home. Actually I wanted to call too. I was wondering what you were up to"  you shyly admitted, not knowing if it was okay for you to do that. Your nerves soon calmed at his response.

       "Me too. I just stayed at home today. Watched a baseball game."

     "Yeah, dad was watching too when I left" you giggled, amused to hear him grumble at his team defeat. 

  And so the calls continued for the next 2-3 days. 

  And one day calls turned into a video calls. He was only exploring the app and by chance called you, he said. You didn't complain, you just sat and humored him, but imagine your surprise when the video call invitation popped up.

      Here you were today laying on your bed, trying to do math and you had mostly.. completed them, when you stumbled upon a problem you couldn't quite solve. So you decided, that a call to your tutor would be required. So here you were with your hair up and flying everywhere and your pjs on, contemplating to call or not. In the end you sat up, letting your hair down and combing them swiftly before making the call. You waited for a the first beep and then for the second and third and when you were about to hung up, the call was accepted. 

       It was a small comfort that he was in a similar state as you. Clearly in his sleepwear, hair messy enough to match your own and face pressed against his pillow. He seemed just as cuddly as the stuffed animals you had back in the days. 

       "Hey"you whispered into your screen. 

       "Hey"he replied, sounding sleepy.

        "If I called at a bad time I can.." you trailed off, suddenly regretting your choice. You should have checked the time or send a message ahead.

        "No, I was just watching a movie. What's up?" He sat up and stretched to get rid of the stiffness in his body. 

        "I was doing math and I am stuck on this one problem." You mumbled, embarrassed. 

        "Look at you! Doing your homework!" He chuckled, making you roll your eyes "Let me see" you shifted your camera towards the notebook on your bed. The explanation was brief and quite simple, much to your surprise, but instead of hanging up you ended chatting casually. Only when he made himself more comfortable on his bed, you saw the background. "Is that you on the photos?" You asked, trying to cran your neck to see better. 

        He paused for a moment before confirming your guesses with a nod.

        "Can I see?" You interjected excitingly.

        He slowly turned the camera towards his desk. A photo of him in a baseball suit adored your screen. He would be about ten,smiling brightly to the camera, or you guessed, his parents, proudly holding his bat. In the next he was in the arms of his parents, clearly celebrating his second birthday, judging by the number on that cake. And in the third he was in highschool on his sides Minho and the black haired boy that you vaguely recognized as Jeongin. He wasn't smiling full on the last one, a small smile adored his face. 

        "You were so cute!" You exclaimed, laughing. You couldn't see his face as he hadn't turned the camera yet but you knew he would be scoffing at you. "Don't you have more photos?" 

         "A few.." Short it was the reply and his tone anxious but that didn't fazed you in the slightest.

         "Show me" you demanded, making yourself comfortable.

      And so, he did show the few ones he had in his room. He even ventured into to his living room to show the bigger pictures his parents had hung up. Once again in the safety of his room, you were gussing over his photos

      "You really were a beautiful child!"you teased him. 

      "Yeah. Right" he scoffed and paused for a bit. He met your stare through the camera and immediately lowered it as he softly spoke again. "You know my schoolmates used to tease me a lot. Not really bullying, but.. they would say-" he paused as if he said too much.

      The cheery atmosphere shifted. His uncomfortable state wasn't something that sat right with you. It felt wrong to see such a level headed person being anxious over sharing his past experiences. You bit your lip, wondering if you should let it go or encourage him to talk to you. A look at his lowered head had you gently speaking words of encouragement. "If you wanna talk about it, I will listen" 

      He raised his head and looked at you. He was thinking hard about this, but after a good look at you, he signed and continued his story. "They would call me mouth-monster or ugly. I had braces when I was younger, as you saw." You had thought they were adorable. Why would they tease him about something as simple as this?

    "They didn't really continued it for long. Only a couple of months. Maybe a year top. But..you know. Later, I learned Minho threatened them to stop. And who saw Minho and wasn't scared of him. I really own him one" He let out a humorless laugh.

       He was trying to talk about it as if it didn't bother him, as if he was untouchable and it broke your heart a little. He was facing down again, not really looking at you so you coed him gently. 

    "That's why I went into the dentist care. I guess I wanted to help the kids that were like me. Maybe if I was told earlier I wouldn't have to wear them and-..." He looked at you from underneath his lashes. "Maybe if I had been told that I have a beautiful smile more often, it would have been better.. different"

    You could only look at the boy in front of you, your heart breaking at his soft admission. He only wanted someone to tell him he's beautiful. And damn you, if you didn't!

       "Seungmin I think you were beautiful as a child. And I think you are even more beautiful as an adult. You have a amazing smile and you are kind to talk about it as if they aren't the scum bags."  That one got a laugh out of him. "Have you seen the comments on your Instagram? They were fighting over who got to have you" you joked, trying to lighten the mood.

      And it worked as a flush was covering his face now and an embarrassing laugh left him. "But really shouldn't think that about yourself. You are wonderful and you should see yourself as that. You only have yourself in this lifetime. Treasure yourself, Minnie" 

        He looked as if he would cry for a moment, but then he smiled at you. That smile at the photo, the mega watt full smile that lit up his whole face. You couldn't keep a smile off your own face.

      "My eyes! I am blinded by beauty!" You cried and flang yourself out of the screen. 

     "Y/N!!" Giggles left your phone, showing Seungmin also yeeting himself out of the screen. You layed down and brought the phone closer to your face. He mimicked your stance and the conversation flowed down on more easy paths.

      "Don't you have your own home?!" You asked incredulously as your video call was answered once again by none othe than Jeongin himself. 

      "I can say the same for you, Noona! Don't you have other..friends to call?" He said with a pause full of meaning, his foxy eyes almost staring you down. You felt the blood rush to your face at his words and sure enough you were red. 

    "Seungmin!" You called again in hopes of catching his attention.

    "Mmm" he mumbled mid bite, his mouth and fingers stained from the chips he was munching on. He briefly looked over to you before returning his gaze back to the screen.

     "Did you really call me to watch Brooklyn 99 together?" You asked, amused by the boy with the stuffed cheeks in your screen. 

      "Yeah! Now shhhh! We're missing the best part!" He whined, pointing to the tv you couldn't see. 

    You laughed at him but turned on your laptop and went with it.

     The morning air was biting you in the ass. 

     The crispy winter morning wasn't tolerable at all and if only your dad didn't drug you here for your morning holiday tradition, you would be happily sleeping away the cold. But here you were with a basket on your hands and trailing behind him, half awake. 

       "What gift should we buy for grandma and grandpa?" He wondered as he inspected a pink wooly shawl. 

       "Probably something for the winter would be good. You know they get cold easily." You thought out loud, inspecting the shawl as well. It seemed warm and you adored the color.

       "Should we?" He asked back just as unsure. Your grandparents never asked for anything for the holidays. They always accepted their gifts, whatever they were, with a smile and the familiar line of 'it was exactly what I wanted'. You snorted to yourself, they were too nice to tell you that you weren't cut out for gift buying. 

       Suddenly as you rounded an other corner of the market, a stall caught your attention. The stall was full of baseball merchandise. But what caught your attention was a cap. It had the SK Wyverns logo on it and it was a nice shade of dark blue. For some reason, you saw it and immediately thought of Seungmin and how well it would fit him. 

     You didn't know you stopped walking until you heard your dad calling you. You snapped your head towards him, sheepishly and turned your attention back on the cap. You called the shop owner over and asked for a prize. It was a reasonable price, that's why you were buying it. Besides you had bought some gifts for the others, it would sadden him not to receive anything. 

      Your dad was quiet during the whole exchange, but you felt him figgeting beside you and working his courage to speak up. You wish he wouldn't. 

    "So who is the lucky guy

     But he did.

     "No one, just my friend." 

     "Hmm. You have a friend"

     "Daaaad!" you whined, clearly not wanting to continue talking about it. But the old man paid you no mind and continued his 'investigation'. 

        "So when did you meet?"

        You let out a breath. He wasn't letting it go. "He is my tutor. We met in the beginning on the semester. I was failing and-"

        "You are failing?" He asked shocked. He turned towards you, alarmed and worried. 

        "I WAS falling. Keep up, dad. Seungmin helped me raise my grades back up." 

         He wasn't in a good state to hear anything right now "Honey we have talked about this. If you are having troubles with school, you tell me. I know you said you wanna work but if this is too much for you.. You don't have to work-"

      "I have to work. How else can I support myself?" you cut him off, facing forward. You had strayed from the market paths and you were now walking to your truck. 

      "Excuse me? You say that as if I don't support you! Y/N we said that, if it compromise with your studies you would -" 

      "You said! I didn't said anything!" You talked back, already feeling the blood rushing to your head.

       "Y/N!" He roared, taking you by surprise. Dad never yelled. He must be extremely furious to raise his tone like that. But right at this moment you couldn't force yourself to care, as you were in a similar state. "Do you have to be that damn stubborn all the time! We have talked about this! I didn't agree to you working in the first place! You-! Ugh! You still did! But! But this! This is taking things too far!" He spit on your face, his face growing redder and redder by the minute. 

     "You can barely manage here! How can you manage me too?!"you were both shouting at this point, anger taking over.

      He took a step away from you, breathing heavily from his nose. You did the same catching your breath, your eyes were misty and you hated that. So you turned to the truck you had unconsciously reached, placed your things inside and stepped back. You turned to your father, who was stomping his way to the driver's seat and told him sharply "I will go and see if I can buy something for grandma and grandpa. I will see you at home" 

    You didn't expect an answer, you simply closed the door (albeit with a little more force than necessary) and disappeared into the crowd. 

       You wandered quite a bit, passed stalls and merchants as they shouted loudly to be heard over the others. You stopped in a few stalls to inspect some things that catch your fancy, but with your temples throbbing and your teeth still gritted on anger, you couldn't appreciate them right. So you wandered aimlessly across the market some more, until you grew tired and cold. You knew a place, where they sell the most amazing hot chocolate you've ever tasted and it was near the market so you headed there. It was a small shop, colours of yellow, green and white blended all together to create a childlike atmosphere that seemed to make you lighter when you headed in. You ordered your hot chocolate and sat at the window, trying to calm down.

     Theoretically, you knew that your dad cared for you and that's why he told you to quit and pay attention only to school, but he would't be able to afford to pay for everything. You wanted to be able to go out and party with your friends without worrying if the money would be enough. You wanted to lighten the amount of rent your dad paid and help him around the house too. Help with your grandparents' meds and expenses too. 

     You signed and took out your phone to check the hour. 11:45 pm. It was still early for your next bus. 

     You unlocked your phone and played with it for a bit, before checking your messages. Yuqi and Yuna had replied to your last message and you had been sent memes by Wooyoung and.. Seungmin? You opened the message and saw it was a mathematical meme. Classic Seungmin. You laughed and called his number before realizing. When he answered after the first beep, you were shook out of your stupor. 

      "Hello?" He called "Y/N?"

      "Hey. Yeah, it's me" you whispered shallowly. Why did you even call?

      "What's up?" He asked.

      "Nothing.. Nothing much! I just..wanted to chat" you said, not really knowing what to say. "Sorry I didn't know you were busy. I will talk-"

      "It's okay. We just arrived with Jeongin to the rooms and we would take a rest anyway."

       "Ohh right. You went skiing this weekend. How is it?" You asked as you nursered the rest of your chocolate. 

      "It's nice! The snow is thick enough so we can go skiing tomorrow" he exclaimed, clearly excited to slide through the snow and down the hill.

      "Tell Jeongin to take videos of you falling. I need something to laugh at" you teased him lightly, still watching the busy market out of the window. 

      "..Y/N? Are you okay?" He asked quietly, probably sensing you weren't in the best mood. After months together when you didn't talk his ear off it was a red flag, you supposed. 

       "Mmm. Everything's fine" you replied.   

Silence greeted you on the other side of the line and then. "If you wanna talk about it, I will listen" 

     A snort left you. "Gosh, I hate when you throw my words back to me" He laughed along with you trying to lighten up your mood.      "Annoying isn't it?"he asked, still laughing. 

     "Yeah..it is" you paused briefly,  but the need to tell him made you open your mouth again. "I had a fight with my dad." It was quiet for a moment, only the rustle of the bed as he sit up was heard. 

      "About?" He wondered.

     "He found out that I was doing bad at math. He said to stop working and focus on school." You played with your cup, twirling it around in your now warm hands. People were slowly filling the store, but the seats around you remained empty.

      "Okay" he dragged the word, trying to select his words carefully "And why did you fight?" 

       "It's just...money is tight, dad is struggling to make meet's end and pay for my grandparents' expenses. I am on scholarship and if I fail, it would only be more money-" you couldn't complete your sentence as tears choked you up.

 Gosh you hated this. 

 You didn't like to cry. And there you stood, in a crowded shop, your only company your phone with tears streaking down your face.

      He on the other line was panicking, never heard you cry this easily before.  "Hey! Hey! Don't cry! Take a big breath for me."

     And you listened to his instruction. You gulped as much air as you you could "Good. Good. Take more breaths for me" he coaxed you.

     Breath in.

     Breath out.

 You continued breathing, calming yourself enough.

     "Ok?" He asked, uncertain.

     "Yeah..I just.. don't wanna be a burden to him. I wanna help. If I have a job that means one less worry for him. It isn't easy, I don't want to work all the time. I wanna have fun but I can't be a burden to him, Seungmin." you sniffled. It was as simple as that. 

       "You are not a burden-" he started, but you cut him off ready to go at it.

      "I am! I am a burden to you too! I made you agree to this deal! I had a lot to win, you didn't. I am burdening you-" you swallowed back a sob. Your throat was clogging up again and some costumers where starting looking your way.

      "Y/N. You are not a burden. Don't say that" he pleaded, starting to sound upset as well. 

     You paused, gathering your thoughts, trying to explain to him in a more effective way.

      "You asked me before why I was in marketing... It's always needed. You always need to sell a product. If you always need to sell, I would always be needed, so I will always have a job and income" you quietly said. 

     You were simple really. You were a little greedy, a little chatty and sometimes over confident for no good reason. 

      "Y/N listen to me. You are not a burden. You knew how to make a deal. You gave me a solution. If you were cruel about it, you could have told everyone but you didn't. You care about your father and don't want to weight him down. You are working hard and at your own expense, you are struggling. You are a good daughter and a good friend. And for what matters, I am glad I met you. You encourage me to try new things, that I wouldn't dare to try. I don't want you to think bad of yourself." He instructed you. He made everything you did sound like a noble act, it couldn't be so far from it.

      You moved the phone slightly away from your face and sniffled quietly. A new bunch of tears were wetting your face, sobs racked your body and at this point you were panting for breath. He had really moved you. And even though you knew he was saying some of those things because you were a little sad, you decided to enjoy the comfort and question yourself later. It made you feel a little better all the same. 

      "Thank you" you got out.

      "Your welcome." He replied right away "Y/N can you take some more breaths for me please? Where are you now?" He asked. Was he concerned? He sounded frustrated enough and like he was pacing up and down on his room. 

     "Out. We came to the market with dad. He..left but I have a little more shopping to do." You sheepishly replied, leaving the walking away from the car incident out of the conversation. You already over shared.

       "You should head home and talk with your dad. And call me after. Okay?" The pacing had seized and a loud thud was heard maybe as he landed on the bed. 

       "Okay.." you said slowly, now more in control of your breathing "You sent me pictures of your trip, okay?" It would be wonderful to see something as pretty as the snowy mountain.

        "Okay" he mumbled more quietly now, as if he was being heard. Maybe Jeongin come in. "Talk to you later" he said and you half- heartly bid him goodbye.

        The ride home was a long one. You thought over and over what to say to your dad. You were a bit cruel and you exaggerated a lot. An apology should be the first thing that leaves your mouth, you concluded. 

        As you neared the door, it flew open revealing your very worried dad. He looked trousled, his hair (or whatever was left of it anyway) was messy as if he run his hands relentlessly, his face was flushed as he was crying. 

         "Dad what-?" Was all you managed to get out, before you were cradled into his arms. He didn't talk, just squeezed you harder. A sound like a sniffle was heard and just as you made to question it, you were drugged on the inside. 

        "Dad?"you questioned, standing still. He was pacing back and forth now right in front of you in the middle of your living room. "Dad!" You exclaimed successfully catching his attention. "I am sorry"

        He looked at you before engulfing you between his arms again. "No, baby. I am sorry" And with that sentence it was like he opened up the gates and tears welled up in your face.

      "I didn't want to be a burden! You have so- so much going on h-here! And! And I was t-trying to do w-what I can on my own" you sobbed. Your nose was blocked and your voice wobbled as you tried to get the point across.

        Just then hands cradled your face making you meet his eyes. "Baby..you are not a burden. It is my duty as your father to provide for you. You don't have to think about money all the time. I am here for you" 

       Hearing those words you broke down again in the safety of his arms, your troubles seemed so little and insignificant. For now you could be a little vulnerable and less tough. 

    Hours later, you were freshly bathed and in bed, ready to go to sleep when your phone rang. You reached over to your desk to grab it. Only to see a familiar name flashing across your screen. 

     "Hey Minnie" you whispered. 

     "Hey.. how are you? You.. didn't call so I... yeah" It was quiet on his end, he should be in his room by now, tired from the day's activities but he still made the effort to call you. You felt grateful you had met such good people. 

      "I am good. We talked about everything. Maybe I will cut back a few days to relax and study a bit more." You said as you cuddled into the bed, the emotional day finally catching up with you. You felt your eyes drop, but you willed them to open up again.

      "That's good. You should rest more. You deserve it" he replied back, tone gentle. You weren't used to hearing him like that. Sweet and gentle.

     "Seungmin.. thank you. It means a lot to me that you called"you said quietly. Hoping you weren't dumping much on him. 

       Quiet was all you heard through the line for a bit and then "I wanted too. I wanted to comfort you as you did to me the other day. I don't talk much about that time and it felt.. good...that the first thing you said to me about that period ,where I was not in a good state..it was that my smile was shinning" 

        You smiled. For some reason, hearing you made him feel lighter and happy made you lighter in return. It always did for some reason. All the times that he did things out of his comfort zone, all the times he followed along with your schemes, everytime he smiled at you and comforted you. You liked it..

    You liked him. 

    You blinked twice at the sudden though.            You liked him?

   Your first thought about the guy was that he was way too stuck up and insufferable to get along with. Where did all this came from? Maybe from all the times he cared, when you twisted your leg, when he cared for you when you were drunk, when you silently sat at your home and watched dramas, when he came by the coffee shop to sit with you. 

      Ohh. You were officially fucked.

     "Y/N?"

     His voice pulled you out of your daydream. Face completely flushed at this point, lips bitten to shreds and eyes wide you only could stare at your phone.

       "Y-Yeah! I-I was looking for my charger! This thing always runs out of battery" you explained, thankful for once for your ability to lie easily. 

      "Maybe if you didn't spent all of your day on your phone the battery would be okay" he teased, trying to get a reaction out of you. And he got it

        "Hey!" you whined loudly to your speaker. But the only response was his giggles, that warmed your heart a little more. Suddenly you didn't want to got off the phone, you want to hear him speak idly about his day and poke fun at you. So you asked just that and as if he was thinking the same he eagerly spoke.. It was well into the morning when you hang up, your heart lighter than ever and a silly smile plastered onto your face, even in sleep.

      Fifteen days passed before you could even blink.

    The cheery homey atmosphere at home, the meetings with your friends and the calls with Seungmin filled your day to the brim. 

Yesterday was the first shift of the year. It was lovely to see all your coworkers and friends together again. Your boss, being the generous woman that she was, had prepared gifts for everyone. You had been gifted a black ribbon that served as a hair tie. It was adorable. And a discreet reminder to tie your hair during work hours. 

your hair during work hours.

      Now you stood before the library, waiting at your usual spot for Seungmin, with your own gift in your hands. The cap was nothing much and you were sure it wasn't even original, but along with the pair of blue mittens and a scarf, you hoped they were enough.

 You eyed the people coming.

 No sign of Seungmin yet. 

A quick glance at your phone told you, it was a minute past your agreed time so you would let it slide. You busied yourself by replying to some texts from Hong Joong and Ryunjin, when you felt a presence behind you. With a quick glance, you found yourself looking straight into a pair of chocolate eyes. 

    You yelped from the surprise and the closeness. "Kim Seungmin!" You barked, hands coming to clutch your heart. Furious giggles greeted you in return. You looked up to see him, the two weeks apart treated him good. He seemed refreshed and lively, who knows what kind of mischief he had caused along with Jeongin. You instinctively reached up and slapped away his hand, that was covering his smile. He didn't dodge your efforts, letting himself be hit.

     "Hello" he said when his giggles seized.

     "Hi"you got out.

 He looked even cuter on person, was your first thought. You mentally slapped yourself. Come on Y/N! You have known him since October! You were together almost every day since mid October! Those were the rose tinted glasses people talked about. "How was your break?" 

       "As you don't know" he said, rolling his eyes. "We have been talking almost everyday" he quoted and starting walking towards the double doors of the library. 

      "Wait!" You yelped, clutching nervously his gift. You were beginning to sweat purposefully and you felt way beyond yourself. "I...um..I got you this!" You thrusted the cute bag in front of you, body all stiff.

       He cocked his head to the side and walked over to where you stood. Gingerly he reached for the bag, opening it gently as you would take it away from him. Slowly a smile spread on his face, he looked up briefly to you and then down again on his gift. He took it out and wore it, with a proud smile on his face. "How do I look?" He asked, turning his head from right to left so you can see him from all the possible angles.

       "Adorable" you teased, now at ease. Blue suited him, you thought and you told him so, your words bringing a pretty flush on his ears. He then cleared his throat and began searching in his backpack. After a beat, his hands come up clutching a small white bag. With a embarrassed smile, he extended the bag to you.

       "I guess we had the same thought" he explained, looking over your head before fleetingly meeting your eyes. You felt a warm feeling spreading over your body as you gazed from him to your gift. You sent a big toothy smile his way before taking the bag and taking a look inside. Inside the bag sat a smaller bag made of tulle, which contained the most beautiful pair of earrings you had seen. A dangly thing it was. A single pink cherry blossom sat, where you supposed your lobe would be and from it three almost invisible chains ran down, petals sprinkled over the chains. You loved them. 

      "Thank you Seungmin. I love it" you said, tucking it safely back into the box. 

      He smiled at you and shaked his head. "It just reminded me of you. Shall we?"he asked, pointing at the building behind you. 

        "We shall" you answered.

     The next few days were a dream.

 You all came back, hang out, had multiple night outs and had been having a blast. 

You hadn't noticed how Seungmin had warmed himself up in your daily routine. You met almost daily, his friends always lurked around the cafe, either because they were working in it (insert Jisung) either because they enjoyed the place. You had officially met Jeongin, who you always chatted with on your video chats with Seungmin, but never actually met. He was a sweetheart and always ready to mercilessly tease the grumpy boy.

       But, unfortunately, you were not the only ones that reconnected. Soojin and Seungmin reconnected. And they reconnected really good.They had been actively hanging out. Mainly on the cafe, occasionally out of it. You saw their stories and how they discussed where they would be going. 

       And you were seething.

       You wondered all those past months.. how did you manage to stand this? Not only you had to watch them on your shifts, you had Seungmin telling you all about his conversations with her. On the past you had no problem, now things were...a little different. But you hadn't had the heart to tell him to stop talking. You always wanted to hear him talk about things that made him excited, even this.

     Today though was your day though.

 You had a new series you wanted to watch. You had prepared masks and facials you had been dying to try out. As you searched through the fridge you realized. You had forgotten the beer. Usually your fridge was fully stocked and ready to serve, but a certain non drinker (as he had called himself) had been through 5 cans of beer the last time he was here leaving you dry. As you were contemplating running a quick errand to the market down the street, your phone rung. You checked the caller, seeing exactly what you wanted. 

     "Seungmin! Perfect timing! We ran out of beer. Can you get some on your way here?" You asked as you filled up the bowl with your favourite barbeque pop corn. 

     "Y/N...I hate to do this but do you think we can .. reschedule?"he said, tone slightly off.

     You assumed the worst. Seungmin was nothing if not punctual.

     "Are you okay? Do you feel alright? Did something happened with Minho or Jeongin?"you stressed, hands immediately flying up to trousle your tresses.

     "No! No, I.. had made plans with Soojin and I kinda mixed the days"he said, carefully.

     Oh.

     Of course he would prefer to spend his night with Soojin than you. You bit your lip, unsure what to do. Of course you minded. Not only it was the second time he did that to you, it was for the same person as well. But you couldn't exactly tell him that, could you? "No..I.. don't mind. Have fun" you slowly said, voice void of emotion in order not to betray your true one. 

     For a moment you thought that he would question you about your tone and your robotic manner, but he eventually signed. "I will make it up to you. I swear" he said.

     You hummed and muttered a simple goodbye. Energy suddenly drained and with your mood bungee jumping through the floor, you decided a wine or a beer would be definitely needed after all. So you grumpily grabbed your coat and your old sneakers making a bee line to the store. You entered, greeted the cashier and taking your familiar basket to browse the selves for anything that caught your fancy. You had a couple chocolate bars in it and you were standing in front of the fridge with the alcohol when the sound of your name being called grabbed your attention. 

     Turning your head, you met with a two coloured head and a bright smile.

 Hong Joong. 

 You smiled and waved him over.

     "I haven't seen you since before the holidays!" He exclaimed as a greeting, crushing you into a bear hug. 

     "Happy New Year Joongie!" You giggled, as you took a step back. His stare fell from your face to your basket to the fridge you were currently standing in front of. 

     "Not so happy right now, is it?" He asked knowingly. A grimace overtook your face, not being able to lie, you nodded.

     "I admit it could have gone better" you signed and then asked, half turned to him, half scanning the alcohol. "Did you finish your project?"

     "Yeah! We still have a check over left, but it was all smooth sailing" he laughed, clearly at ease. You envied him. Especially now, that the exams were looming over your head with the threat of expulsion. And there was the thing with Seungmin. You know the recently discovered and one sided feelings you had for him. Your thoughts must have manifested on your face because soon he was asking what's wrong. 

     "My friend, to tell the story it would take a long time and alcohol" you preached, eyeing the strawberry flavored soju bottle. 

     "I got time" he announced, making you turn at him. You raised your eyebrows and he nodded. 

     "In that case what kind of soju flavor do you prefer?" You required.

    After a few hours later and some (a lot) of drinks later you were okay. Your second tutor became the first one to learn of your feelings for your third one. Ironic. But Hong Joong had a calmness that made you feel perfectly at ease telling him that. He had adviced you to go for it and he had admitted he thought you guys were already dating. You had snorted at this.

   You wished. 

    But Hong Joong was wrong. He had been right about Seungmin curling himself up and begging for mercy as he did that the very next morning. But he hadn't seen coming the next rejections. 

    Three weeks in and Seungmin had cancelled on you 5 times. Soojin this, Soojin that. You had grown tired of hearing how great the girl was. Not to mention insecure. She was pretty, nice, kind. What hasn't she had? And do you have? 

    You tried to drown your feelings and feigned empathy towards the sudden cancellations and ruined plans. But you felt heavier with every ruined outing or night in. Those 5 times were enough for your eyes to shine maliciously green. You were beyond yourself jealous and you didn't know what to do and how to act before Seungmin anymore. Maybe a little more distance would do you good, maybe you could salvage a little of your heart. Yeah, a little distance is good.

    And apparently you must wear your heart on your sleeves because Seungmin caught right on. He apologized about the plans alright, but now every time you made plans you would find an excuse to avoid him. You had to go shopping with Yuqi or you had agreed to meet with Hong Joong and you couldn't cancel last minute. You even tried to cut down on your study time and that's when he knew that something was definitely wrong, after all exams were a mere 3 weeks away and you needed that time. 

    Ηe stepped up then. 

    That's why today you waiting for him in your house, practically vibrating with nervous energy. He seemed on guard when he called you. Almost awkward. But then he probably mimicked your own behavior. Your lips were bitten to shreds and your nails bloody by the time the doorbell rung. You gulped down as much air as you could and you opened the door. 

  And there he stood. 

  The cap you had gifted him on his head, black puffer jacket engulfing him and with an adorable flush on his cheeks, probably from the cold. You took a step back, inviting him in silently. He made his way into your home, now the surroundings familiar to him and plopped down to your couch. He cocked his head to the empty side of the couch, silently asking you to seat. 

     You made your way to him and before you could even sit on the couch, he started the interogation. 

     "What is going on?" He asked, always his straightforward and level headed self. 

     Truth or lie, that is the question. But right now lying seemed like your only ally. "What do you mean?" You asked carefully. 

     "I mean you are avoiding me. You are cancelling our plans. You even wanted to cancel the lessons!" His voice was steady, raising slightly at the end, making you feel even worse for a moment. And then you remembered the scene of them sitting together at the cafe, the phone call to cancel your plans and the words flew out of your mouth without your consent.

   "Like you didn't do the same" you returned, a scoff leaving you. 

      His eyes widen at the mockery that was present in your voice, but they quickly changed, they seemed like steel now. "I cancelled on you once" he reasoned, hands coming together to grip each other tightly. "Only once"

      "No, you cancelled after we already made plans once. You had been pushing around the dates that we planned and the hangouts 5 times at least! I guess that happens when you get a girlfriend" you commented, lips pulled back in a snarl, your face an menacing grimace now. 

      "Ohh so you can hang out with Hong Joong, but I can't hangout with Soojin" he chided, tone ice cold.

      "Don't compare the two. It's totally different" you reasoned, frustration causing your voice to raise. You turned to face him fully on the couch now, he seemed as agitated as you felt. "Besides I hanged out with Hong Joong the times that you left me stranded" you spat.

      He flinched at that. Head hanging low for a beat and then raising again, ready for a duel. "I like Soojin that's why I am hanging out with her. You were supposed to be happy for me. That was the deal" 

      It was your time to flinch at that. That was a low blow, even though he didn't know. "So why don't you go now to her?" You bitterly asked, looking away.

       He sat silent for a moment. Staring at his hands. When his voice shattered the silence.

  "I will confess tomorrow. That's what I wanted to tell you" he breathed, twisting his hands nervously at the thought, letting his guard down for a second.   

      Your heart plummeted in response to those words. It felt like an invisible hand went through your chest, grabbing your poor heart with its only purpose to rip her right out. 

Your vision that stayed nailed to the faded corner of your coffee table started blurring little by little, like you were looking at the world through mist eyed lenses. You closed your eyes not wanting to let the tears escape and betray the deviation you were felling inside right at this moment.

      "I guess the deal is over.. But I..I will see you around Y/N." He smiled an odd uncomfortable smile that showed the confusion he was feeling, and even though not a word come out of your mouth, he got up, gathered his things, walked to the front door and left.     

       Upon hearing the sound of the door closing the tears that you tried so hard to keep, were now slowly dripping down your face. Your mouth was trembling, lifting and dropping, as if it couldn't decide what expression to keep to express your sorrow better. Even breathing was more difficult now, due to the blockage in your nose. But all that wasn't what was important right now.

 You were losing him.You had lost him before having a chance to tell him how you feel.     

    Suddenly you weren't on the sofa anymore, you were up and running. Running after him. You flew out of the door and raced towards the stairs, you didn't have time to wait for the elevator to arrive, instead you headed to the stairs. When you reached the entrance your breath was unstable and the place under your ribs hurting from the sudden work out but you paid them mo mind. You run outside, turning your head left and right trying to locate his disappearing figure. There! There he was! By the end of the street, a lone figure, coat clad and on top of his head sat a very familiar cap. Your gift to him specifically. 

       "SEUNGMIN!" You yelled with all your might. He heard your panicked call and turned towards you. But before he could take a step to your direction, you were already running. Running before time caught up with you. 

      You reached him, panting from the rally. He looked beautiful. In the middle of the street, lights hitting him just right to appear ethereal, his hoodie and black thick coat made him appear warm in the cold winter night, almost like a beacon, calling you closer. His capped head cocked slightly to his right made him more adorable as he waited for you to breath normally and tell him why you chased after him.

    "I like you" you blurted out incapable of controlling your feelings anymore. "I like the way you always scold me when I do the wrong thing so I can try harder, l like when even though you pretend to be cold you are always so considerate, I like how you are always so adamant to be right and react so adorable when things don't go your way, I like how passionate you are. I like how we can be silent and watch stupid shows together. I like how you sent me every little thing you thing it's cute so you can share it with me. I like how easy are to get with, contrary to first opinions. I like how I am with you. I like who I am because of you. I like you Kim Seungmin" Tears were still filling your vision, you could now see your breath in front of you in the darkness of the night but you didn't care. You needed to tell him, you had told him and right then you felt so light like you could float away. 

     One look in his wide eyes though, told you that maybe you should fly away, flew the scene and most devastating of all something told you that maybe you couldn't have your chance after all.  

       "Y-Y/N I..I-" he tried getting out and your whole world tumbled down. "I don't know- I am not sure if I feel the same-" he could have stabbed your heart and it would hurt less than what you were feeling right now. 

He doesn't know. 

  A new set of tears came to your eyes, but this time you were incapable of holding them in. A sob was clawing it's way out of your throat, only escaping a mere second before you slapped your hand over your mouth in order to keep it in.

    "Y/N!" He exclaimed, taking a step towards you, hand raised as if to wipe your tears away, but your shaken step back stopped him. You shook your head as you took another step back. He didn't want you. Even though you told him everything.. he didn't want you. You turned around and blindly runned.

 "Y/N!!Y/N wait!"  He shouted after you.

   Nothing stopped you though.

   He didn't stop you. 

   An excruciating pain clawed at your chest making you blind to anything except your inner turmoil. You reached your apartment door in a pained haze, bursted in and let your sobs take over. Painful sob after painful sob racked you, making you unable to comprehend anything around you. You didn't know how much time you spent there against your front door, crying your heart out. All you knew was that you were light headed, your ears were ringing and your grip over the world was slipping. 

  It was exactly as you feared. 

  You had told him and you weren't enough to keep him. 

You weren't everything he wanted. 

You weren't good enough to love. 

You would never be good enough. 

You picked yourself up from the floor, took the remaining steps towards the sofa and slumped over it. You hadn't enough strength to fight the oblivion from taking over. The last image your mind concurred was of Seungmin-wide eyed in reaction to your confession and tears slipped down your eyes again as you finally slipped into the oblivion.

     After that night you had made it your mission to avoid him at all costs. 

  Your shame and pettiness didn't allow anything less than that. 

You had blocked both his number and his instagram, which you had crafted slowly together.

 Seungmin had made several attempts to contact you ever since that night. He had come by your workplace as he had deemed the phone useless by now but you had taken a couple days off work. Not wanting to worry your father with an unexpected surprise and not wanting to be alone in your apartment, you had crashed at Yuqi's for a few days, hoping your dramatic ass wasn't too much for her. Her roommate Soyeon rolled her eyes at you for crying over a boy but joined your pity party anyways, not able to resist pizza. 

    With exams drawing near, you unfortunately had to study. Looking at your notebooks and books filled with Seungmin's neat handwriting you felt like they mocked you. But you had to get through this, for this stupid scholarship you made the deal, for this you broke your heart. 

    Eventually you had to get back to work. Your days went smoothly, you ticked in, greeted your regulars, small talked with Jisung and now you were on the front on cashier's duty. You heard the door opening and you opened your mouth automatically to greet the customer, but the sight in front of you left your mouth dry. Seungmin bursted through the door, panting as he made a bee line straight to you. He came with such strength that he collided against the counter. He looked wild, hair a mess and clothes hastily put on. 

        "Y/N! Where- Nevermind! I need to talk to you." He got out, hands inching over the counter to reach you. 

      But you took a step back and with a tone as cold as you could muster you stated "I don't have anything to talk about with you" You could do this. You spent enough days crying over him. You wouldn't cry anymore. 

       "Please! I have to tel-" 

       "Seungmin." You cut him off, staring him dead in the eye. His desperate appearance and big eyes made you crumble a little inside. "I said everything I had to say. You gave me your answer. We have nothing to talk about" 

       "No you don't understand. I-" he rushed his words in order to get something across, but to his bad luck and to your good one, a customer cut your conversation short.

       "Excuse me? Can I order?" A unfamiliar face inquired. 

         "Yes, of course." You called over Seungmin's shoulder before turning to him "If you excuse me, I have work to do" you ushered him gently to the side and tried to pay him no mind. 

 Seungmin had made several other attempts to contact you.

 You still avoided him as much as you could, but it was a bit difficult when he stood there looking at you. You tried to not talk to him while he tried to corner you. You had instructed Ryunjin to not let him near you. You would break if you did. Even now the sad looks were getting to you. 

    This thing was going on for a week and a half. You hadn't spoken to each other seven days now if you included the small talk by the cashier the other day. You weren't ready to hear him, you weren't ready for him to tell you that he was together and happy with Soojin while you were over here, green with envy and with a large challenge in front of you.

 Exams were starting. 

   You weren't even there, neither mentally nor emotionally. But you had to fight it. Your scholarship depended on it.  

  Fake it till you make it.

  So fake it tou did. You forced yourself to work on your studies. In the mist of it all, little notes had been finding their way into your things.

Don't forget the formula! 

Keep on working hard!

Hope we can talk..

You had a pretty good idea on who was the writer.  

And it pained you greatly. Why was he going through all this trouble. You had gotten his message and while he was being nice trying to make sure you were alright, you would rather he wouldn't. He was making this too hard on you. 

He had Soojin now. All was good, right?

The truth was you hadn't seen him with Soojin,not once. The girl's visits were few now, that she had started on her finals (earlier as all the art students did), but when she appeared she had gifted you a knowing smile. A secret only she knew apparently, because you had no idea why she was looking at you like that. You didn't pointed that out, in fact you hadn't looked at her that much.

 And exams rolled in.

   The first three subjects were a success.. Of course you couldn't escape the dread that filled you everytime you sat behind the desk, but you had managed alright. It was manageable till now, but the big threats (maths and physics, you couldn't even utter their names!) had yet to come. 

 You had picked up less hours at the cafe in order to prepare yourself. You were a tutor down yet again, albeit this time a little more painful.

   And finally the d-day arrived. You raised your head, shoulders pulled back. 

Pens? Check. 

Pencils? Check. 

Water? Check. 

Student ID? Check. 

Note from Seungmin?... Check 

The little yellow note was safely tucked in your pocket last minut,e because you couldn't bear to part with it. He had sticked to your front door last night, you showed it when you came over from work and it had moved you to tears. Gosh, you were such a crybaby now!

 You knew that your conversation was long overdue. Three weeks have already passed and even though you wanted to, you couldn't bring yourself to. 

    But that was a problem that future Y/N had to deal with.

 Now you needed your head in the game. 

You had maths to do, you thought as you marched to your possible doom. 

 You had passed! 

The endless hours, the blood, the sweat and the tears you had spilled were all worth it. Admittedly you had made it barely, but you had made it! You had made an exceptional progress on physics too, acquiring a better grade than you originally thought you would.

   You were beyond happy and your immediately thought was of your beloved tutor. You should contact him, firstly to thank him and secondly for a conversation you had apparently left in the middle, what was left to say was beyond you. 

    You were playing with your phone currently, the contract named Puppy open and ready to be called. You bit your lips, your finger hovering above the button when a voice stopped you on your track.

   Soojin.

    "Hello Y/N" she pleasantly greeted, an ever lasting smile on her face.

   "Soojin, hi. The usual?" You asked, not in the mood for pleasantries. You had already turned your back to the girl to make her coffee.

   "To go, please" she called sweetly to you, getting a sharp nod in response. "How is Seungmin?" she asked, voice still dripping honey. You froze. While you didn't know Soojin that well, you didn't think she was the type to gloat in your face about her winning Seungmin's heart. You appeared to be wrong again. 

    "How should I know? Shouldn't I be asking you that?" You returned coldly, trying to hold yourself back. You were at work, you wouldn't be caught fighting like a 6-year-old for a doll you both wanted. Not that Seungmin was a price to be had. He was just as pretty as a doll thought.

    "Ahh, you still didn't talk with him" she signed. You turned to place her drink of choice on the counter, ready for her to be gone. "Why are you avoiding him?" She said, head cocked to the right, making her seem all too innocent for your liking. 

      You almost scoffed "I don't think this is any of your business" you answered while you took her card to ring up her order. 

     For the first time her face turned sour and a determinated pout appeared on her face "Well I am making it my own goddamn business. We talked with Seungmin. We made everything clear. He likes you and I like Eric" she answered, sassiness dripping from her tongue this time. 

    What?

   "What?" You voiced out loud, shock obvious on your face. Seungmin did what? 

    "Yeah, you know tall, blonde and handsome?" She quoted, raising her hand a ridiculous amount above her head to indicate Eric's height. 

    "I know how Eric is! I told him what drink you like for god's shake!" You exclaimed, teeth grinding together. 

     She looked like the cat who got the milk as she thanked you for that. You blinked.

     "I don't understand. You and Seungmin went on so many dates" you mumbled. 

     She looked quite guilty this time "I already apologized to Seungmin about that. I was trying to...make Eric jealous" she admitted, her eyes focused, all of a sudden, on the coffee in her grasp.

     "The photography exhibition?" You asked, dazed.

     "Eric was managing a tent there" she whispered, head low.

    "The movies?" You insisted.

    "A girl from Computer Science had invited him! Gosh, how much I don't like her! She always made heart eyes at him!" She scoffed, sounding much like you when you cursed her in your head.

    You felt your jaw slagging, mouth open whole you stared at her. Really? Seungmin liked you? 

     She glanced at you, seeing how you were taking it all in. "He told me he thought that he liked me. When I asked him what did he meant by 'he thought', he explained the deal to me. He seemed so happy when he talked about you, content." She smiled at you, that knowing smile she had been sending lately. "When I asked him if he perhaps liked you, he blinked and nodded. He even apologized!" She giggled and you joined too. Socially awkward and adorable as always. "He cares about you. And I think you should talk to him, Y/N" she finished. 

    You nodded, still dazed from all the information. She saluted you silently and walked out the door.

    What Soojin said stayed with you. You weren't sure if she was being truthful or not, but you had already decided to contact him, you reasoned with yourself. At least that's what you told yourself as you send the message at 10 p.m. 

       You had fully expected to be left on read for days maybe even to beg him him for a small talk, so the immediate response, needless to say, surprised you. The answer left you at a total loss.

   You immediately tensed up. You hadn't expected him to rush here that late. But better now than never, you guessed. 

    Not even twenty minutes later, there was knocking on your front door. You took a deep breath and opened your door.

     And there he stood. He was panting, as if he sprinted here, his face was flushed and adorably nervous. His eyes ranked over you, taking you in the way you were doing to him right now.

You watched him for a moment too long, the weeks of not seeing him were catching up with you. He looked tired as well, he had bags under his eyes and his face was sucked in. Worry fleetingly took over you as you took a step in his direction, but the way his eyes were, so intensely, focused on you, not shying away, reminded you of your situation. Letting out a breath you took a step back, allowing him to enter your home. His eyes fell from your face momentarily as he took the step in, gently closing your door behind him.

       The two of you stood there, tense and not knowing where to begin. You had said everything that you had to say, so you stood there utterly defeated. Discarded in favor of Soojin by the very boy that stood in your living room. By the very first boy that was begging to win your heart. Or do you thought. If what Soojin had said to you was true...then why reject you? Tears threatened to make an appearance (as they often did those days) but you pushed them back and sucked your cheek. "How have you been? Did you do good on your exams?" You asked, a small smile on your lips as you gestured at your couch.

       He returned the awkward smile you sent him, taking a seat across you. "I am doing.. alright, I guess. I have done well in my exams. You?" He asked, pointing at you. 

         A bigger smile overtook your face. "We did it!" You exclaimed as you wanted to do since the morning that you learned the news.  "I mean, it was a little above average but... I passed nonetheless" you cheered. 

      He made a grimace "A little above average?" He asked, scrunching his nose.

      "What? Will you say you teached me better than that?" You inquired, lounging better in your spot, smiling all the way up to your ears.

     "Will you throw me out if I say that?" He asked, head cocking to the side. His tone was a mix of sassiness and uncertainty.

     You deserved that, you guessed. "No, I will not" you mumbled, not able to look into his eyes. 

    "Then, yes. I taught you better than that" he quoted, lightly giggling to easy up the tension. It brought a smile to your face, but you quickly sobered up.

     "Why are you here, Seungmin?" You asked, plain and simple, tired.

      The boy took a breath, shoulders squaring as if to ready himself "I am sorry" 

A slap. 

Right on your face. You swallowed your words and returned nothing, wanting to hear what he had come here to say. "I was an idiot. A moron. When you told me you..liked me, I hadn't thought about it. I mean..we ar-" he looked at the floor briefly as if willing himself to remember pointers he wrote, but he picked up when he left off shortly "We are close. We talk every day, we joke around, watch movies together. I had gotten used to you, you were an ally, a friend. I hadn't thought about you in..that light.." you turned your face away, facing the wall, a few stray tears escaping your eyes. He took notice of your state, quickly scooting over, closer to you, one hand on your arm, the other gripping feather light the place your neck and jaw connected. You raised your hands, a motion that meant to shoo him away, but he didn't budge. He stood there looking over you, worried and painfully tender. 

      "That was what I thought I felt. But Y/N, I don't face time my friends everyday for hours, I don't text them to remind them to study or eat, I don't have reminders to tell me to text them, I.. don't catch myself thinking they are pretty or wishing they were closer when we are watching movies..I don't dance with them and think they are beautiful and wish I could kiss them." he continued, voice quieter as he went on, the last part almost inaudible. If you weren't in front of him, almost locked in his arms, you wouldn't be able to hear him. 

But you could. 

And your heart was pumping so hard that you could hear it in your ears, your breath was short. You were hanging from his every word. What? What was he saying? 

"I didn't ran like a madman to find a pair of earrings for them. The exact copy of the earrings they were looking at the festival..I failed at that one, but I think cherry blossoms suit you better anyway" he breathed, a low laugh escaping him. How he could remember that was beyond you. Had he always paid that much attention to you? 

"I don't go mad when I don't talk to them for a few days" he whined, clearly embarrassed if the flush on his face and ears said something. "I don't beat myself up for hesitating to return their feelings" he finished. 

      That was a confession? "What then?What am I, Seungmin? What am I to you?" You challenged, looking him straight at the eyes. Yours reflected resolution and a fiery temper, his.. reflected guilt and affection, that much you could read, but also pain and hopefulness. 

    He took a shaky breath and dived in, sealing his lips over your own. You stood frozen for a moment, Seungmin overtaking all of your senses. All you could smell was his manly and wonderful cologne, all you could taste was the mint on his lips and an essence, so clearly him you couldn't explain otherwise. All you could feel were his soft hands clasping you affectionately, his plush lips on your, his eyelashes tickling you gently. All you saw, before closing your eyes, was fluffy hair and his beautiful face coming closer. You got lost in the moment, reciprocating the kiss before your mind could talk you out of it. You reached up, waving your hands into his soft hair, bringing him closer. Your mouth opened, inviting him in and pressed yourself complete onto him, wanting to fell him touch every inch of you. You kissed him fiercely, with a passion, he gladly returned. You felt him draping himself around you, holding you desperately and with a passion you hadn't expected to show to your person.

 All you now was that you were experiencing pure bliss. You didn't want it to end.

        You didn't know how much time you were kissing, tasting each other eagerly, having gotten lost at the feelings but eventually you had to part to get some air inside of you. You didn't exactly separate, he retreated just enough so he can rest his forehead against yours. You could feel his breath in your mouth, that was also covered in the taste of him. You opened your eyes to look at him, seeing him already gazing adoring at you. And then he spoke.

        'I like you" he stated confidently. Face flushed, lips even more kissable than before and eyes alit. "You never were just a friend in my mind. I just...I never have been in a serious relationship..I didn't know what I was supposed to be looking for. But when they asked me what I wanted and I started describing, I realized I was describing you, Y/N" he whispered, nusling closer to your face. The proximity was driving you crazy and his words was making it worse. It was all too much to take in at once. 

  "Soojin" you mumbled, the close distance between your faces allowing him to hear you. "What about her? You said you like her" you mewled, pained. The same guilty feeling resurfaced on his face again and his hands tightened around you. 

       "I am so so sorry" he nearly sniffled. As soon as you heard the little sniffle, alarms went off inside your head and you immediately drew closer, hiding your face on the crook of his neck, arms tenderly patting him for comfort. You felt him rest his head on top of yours and nussle his face in your hair. "I thought I did. I hadn't thought about the chance that you.. I didn't know what I was feeling and God-" he took a big breath and started again "I thought I liked her, but when you confessed, don't get me wrong I was super surprised but I couldn't get you out of my mind, so I told her. And it ended up being alright because she-" 

     "Likes Eric. I know" you completed. 

     "How?" He asked.  

You crewed your neck back in order to see him better and gave him a small smile. "She came over at work. She spilled everything. And for the matter, I think they look cute together." 

   "Hey! Are you calling me ugly?!" He protested lightly, hands tickling you and making you let out loud giggles.

     "Stop!" You shrieked, burrowing yourself deeper in his arms. He did and hugged you tighter in return. "I think you look cuter with me" you cheekily murmured squished against his neck.

   He laughed briefly and slowly he unwinded himself from around you. You immediately missed his warmth.

      "I am so sorry for all of this" he got out, guiltily. "I have made a mistake. A stupid one. And ..and if you take me back I promise not to make the same ones again. I promise to listen to you and try to express myself more...I.."he trailed off, unsure what else to promise you. You quietly giggled to yourself. 

You liked him too much to hold it over him. You liked him too much for you own good.

 So you smiled and wrapped your arms around his neck again. He immediately cradled you near, not missing the chance to hold you. 

      "You promise to never make the same mistake again? And talk to me instead of mumbling nonsense?" You inquired, your hands reaching up to cradle his face gently. He closed his eyes for a moment in tot bliss, before snapping them open and nodding.

      "I promise" he stated. 

       "And you must promise to do what I ask of you" you pouted, dragging the words out, now in a playful mood. 

       But he eagerly nodded his head, taking your every request without complains. "I promise"

       "Even when I ask you to go photoshooting with me?" You wondered, eyes scanning him. But he easily let out a giggle, nodded before ducking to kiss your nose, setting off butterflies in your stomach. You pressed your lips together in order to seal a smile before continuing. 

     "Even when I ask you to watch boring dramas with me?" You asked, eyebrows raising, remembering his distain in your pickings. 

        "Mmhhmm"he let out easily, as his eyes swept over you with literal stars sprawled over them. 

     "Even when the Wyverns are on and you wanna see them?" You mischievously asked, beaming up at him. He chuckled, drawing you closer than ever, not an inch separating your bodies. 

       "Even then" he agreed, content with you in his arms. 

        "You got yourself a deal then" you said, cheekily, peaking up at him. He opened his eyes at the sound of that, meeting your gaze, full of intent and tenderness. Now affection and playfulness twirled in his own eyes, so much in contrast with the cold boy that you had met all those months ago.

        "Deal" he said, reaching down to seal this deal with a press of our lips.

blame me if you want.

💭 GUIDELINES ‣ LIBRARY ‣ TAGLIST & ANONS ‣ IN PROGRESS ‣ REQUEST LIST ‣ PINNED

pairing: jeongin x gender neutral reader

content warnings: heartbreak, angst, crying, break up

rating: 13+

summary: you deluded yourself into thinking you and jeongin were meant to last forever. but after some time where he felt distant, you come to find out why.

🍂 untitled — hyunjin & i.n (2 kids’ show)

His hands shook slightly as they held your face as though you were to break into a thousand pieces if he let you go, and you thought you might, too, since your heart had just been shattered by the man you’d once named your forever; why not let your body and soul follow your heart into the disaster it is now? You watched as tears threatened to spill, his voice cracked and his lips formed a trembling frown, though it didn’t compare to the storm of tears rolling down your cheeks or the sobs that continuously escaped past your lips, your expression twisted into one of pure heartbreak.

“I— I really didn’t want us to end like this, Jeongin,” you sobbed, and you knew he could barely understand what you were trying to say through the hiccups and cries. “But it’s like you’ve mentally been away for months now and I don’t know what I can do anymore. I can’t continue living like this, losing sleep because I can’t figure out what is happening and you keep refusing to talk about it.”

Jeongin pulled you to his chest, resting his chin on top of your head as the fingers of one hand gripped your shirt. He was shaking all over, but you were inconsolable.

“You’ve said it on my behalf, Y/N.” He began, voice crackling as he held back tears. “At some point, your eyes felt so cold, and perhaps I am the reason, but —”

You pulled away from him, eyebrows furrowed. “If I ever looked at you coldly, I never meant it. Baby, I promise that —”

“No, not like that,” he interrupted. “I mean, I didn’t feel the same way that I used to. I’m not sure how or when it happened, but it did. I couldn’t figure out how to tell you, but I really didn’t want things to get to this point.”

A tear finally rolled down his cheek as he spoke, voice growing thicker as he held back his own devastation. His words felt as though he’d pushed you off of a cliff and now you were just falling without a safety net by yourself.

“Y/N, I know in my heart that you leaving me and finding someone who truly deserves you before this pain gets any deeper is the best thing you can do.” A choked sob escaped from his lips and he sniffled, looking away for a moment to compose himself. “I tried to be your forever, I really did. But now I’m not sure of anything; did I really fall in love? Or was it a selfish decision made for my own sake to escape from my loneliness? At first, I didn’t even want to entertain the idea but, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it since.”

The room was spinning at his words, your sobs intensifying while you pulled away from him completely. You were angry now, hurt, betrayed.

“What are you implying?” Your voice was louder than you’d intended, but you also couldn’t bring yourself to care when your whole world was collapsing in on itself at the moment. “Are you saying that everything we’d been through wasn’t real? Every beautiful minute spent together didn’t make you feel like this could be forever?”

You were standing now, looking down on his shiny eyes as more tears rolled freely down his achingly beautiful face; even with emotions running high, it took everything in you to not kiss them away. But he didn’t deserve that anymore, and you were well aware. When you called him over with the intention to end things, you wanted him to argue with you and tell you that you guys could work things out. You wanted to hear him say that he loved you, and that he didn’t agree with this decision. Anything to show you that he cared and was willing to fight for you and your relationship with him. Instead you found yourself feeling as though he’d punched you in the gut when he agreed wholeheartedly. Now every year spent with him was in question as you wondered just how much of it was as real to him as it had been for you. How many times did he lie through his teeth as he told you he loved you? The thought had you shaking with rage.

Jeongin didn’t respond, only sat there as he watched you back away from him slowly.

“Was I really just someone to keep your bed warm? Who the fuck says that?”

Jeongin finally stood up, hands attempting to reach you but you moved away before he could. “No, I don’t think it was like that —”

“You don’t think, Jeongin? This was the part where you told me ‘No, Y/N, it definitely wasn’t like that’. But you stand there and tell me you don’t think I was just a warm body so you didn’t feel so lonely? You’re such a coward.”

“I know that I am!” For the first time ever, Jeongin raised his voice, which took you aback. “You can blame me if you want, Y/N, but you have to believe me when I tell you that I didn’t want this to drag on like this. There were so many times where I tried to be honest about my feelings but I would look at you and always feel like such a monster for wanting to end things when what we had was so good. Don’t you think I hate this too?”

You remained silent, his words echoing in your mind. It didn’t make sense to you, nothing did. “If what we had was so good, then why did you stop loving me? When did you stop seeing me as your future?”

He opened his mouth but nothing came out. His shoulders slumped when he mumbled, “I have no idea.”

You sniffled, wrapping your own arms around yourself as you watched him. The crying had subsided a little bit by that point, and you could feel your chest becoming numb the longer he remained there. He stood before you, a shell of a man who had once decided to fall with you, but now he watched as you fell on your own to your own doom. The future looked so bleak without him, and you didn’t think you could ever forgive him for this.

“Do you think you would’ve said something sooner rather than later if I hadn’t called you over?”

“I don’t know. I hope so.”

You inhaled sharply, and exhaled shakily, your heart beating in your throat as you prepared to say the next words you’d never even dreamt of saying: “I think you should leave.”

Worst of all, Jeongin only nodded before walking out of your place. He didn’t even look back before closing the door behind him, leaving you a shattered mess.

word count: 1.1k 🍂 posted: 11 • 30 • 2023

💬 a note from green;

i watched hyunjin and i.n’s 2 kids show yesterday and their untitled song had me in tears and inspired me to write this sad little thing. i hope you guys enjoy, i might post something with hyunjin too though i don’t know.

🪲 TAGLIST !

# @grandpafelixx

☕️ 𝐄𝐔𝐏𝐇𝐎𝐑𝐈𝐀 ( stray kids )

❛ As you and Jeongin engage in an intense and synchronized exploration of your desires, the pleasure between you reaches a crescendo. Your intimate connection is solidified with tender expressions of love and a deep, satisfying closeness that comes with trying new things.

𝐲𝐚𝐧𝐠 𝐣𝐞𝐨𝐧𝐠𝐢𝐧 + female reader ೯ ( 𝐨𝐧𝐞-𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐭 )

𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 3.4k 𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞: 13 mins

꒰ 💌 ꒱ ミ This piece was requested a little bit ago by a lovely Anon! Pegging is seriously one of my favorite kinks, so I absolutely loved writing this. Anyway, requests are currently open! I hope you guys enjoy, reblogs and feedback are much appreciated! ── ( 𝐥𝐢𝐛𝐫𝐚𝐫𝐲 )

𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: MDNI, smut, romantic sex, Jeongin is very needy, Reader pegs Jeongin for the first time, let me know if I missed anything!

( 𝐠𝐮𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐬 ) ( 𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 & 𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐬 ) ( 𝐫𝐞𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 )

꒰ 🫙 ꒱ ミ Tip Jar!

As you step back into your apartment, the lingering dampness of the rain clings to your clothes, a reminder of the photography date that was abruptly cut short. The sky outside is still a sullen gray, with dark clouds hanging low and heavy, casting a muted light through the windows. Jeongin, ever the gentle soul, immediately notices the subtle shift in your mood from the day's disappointment. His eyes, usually so full of mischief, are now tender and reassuring as he guides you towards the balcony.

On the balcony, the rain has softened to a light drizzle, creating a soothing rhythm as it taps against the railing and the potted plants. The air is cool and crisp, and you can almost taste the freshness that follows a storm. Jeongin sets down the mugs of hot coffee on the small table between you two, the rich aroma mingling with the earthy scent of the rain. He hands you one of the mugs, his fingers brushing yours in a gesture that feels both intimate and comforting. 

As you both sit down, the warmth of the coffee seeps into your hands, a stark contrast to the chill that has seeped into your bones from the rain. The balcony, usually a space for casual chatter and laughter, now feels like a sanctuary. The overcast sky and the soft patter of the rain create a serene backdrop that mirrors your mood—a gentle melancholy mingled with an undercurrent of contentment.

Jeongin, always perceptive to your unspoken emotions, leans in close, his presence a quiet assurance. He doesn't speak much, choosing instead to let the silence and the ambiance of the rainy day do the talking. As you sip your coffee, the warmth spreads through you, and you find solace in the shared silence. The rain, though initially a disappointment, now feels like a balm, softening the edges of the day’s abrupt end. 

In this intimate moment, the world outside seems distant, and the two of you are cocooned in a space of your own creation. The clouds may obscure the sun, but they also seem to wrap around you in a protective embrace. With Jeongin by your side, the rain transforms from a symbol of thwarted plans into a beautiful, calming backdrop for a quiet, shared moment. The heavy clouds and the rhythmic rain become a metaphor for the depth of your relationship—unpredictable yet always grounding, filled with moments of both storm and calm.

Eventually, as the rain continues its gentle descent, you and Jeongin decide to move from the balcony into the warmth of your living room. The transition from the cool, rain-kissed air to the cozy interior feels like slipping into a soft embrace. The living room is bathed in a warm, amber glow from the lamps, casting a soothing light that contrasts with the gray gloom outside.

You both settle onto the couch, the anticipation of a movie adding a layer of comfort to the evening. However, as the film starts, it quickly becomes clear that the attraction between you both is far more immediate than the plot on screen. What begins as a casual cuddle soon intensifies into a heated embrace. Jeongin’s lips find yours with a fervor that takes you by surprise, each kiss more urgent than the last. His hands roam with a possessive tenderness, and before long, he’s straddling you, his body pressed closely against yours.

The shift is sudden, and the energy between you becomes charged with a raw, desperate need. Jeongin’s movements are intense, grinding against your thighs with a fervent passion that leaves you breathless. His actions are both urgent and needy, a reflection of the deep connection you share. As he continues, you can’t help but tease him lightly, commenting on his evident neediness. His response is a mixture of playful defiance and arousal, his eyes locking onto yours with a smoldering intensity.

Though this moment feels new and electrifying, it’s not entirely uncharted territory. You’ve both discussed exploring this kind of physical intimacy before, though life and circumstances had always pushed those plans to the background. Tonight, however, the rain and the quiet intimacy of your home create a perfect setting for finally acting on those conversations. The anticipation of a movie has transformed into an evening of unrestrained passion, as the barriers between you dissolve in the shared space of your living room.

In this space, the world outside fades away, leaving only the two of you and the undeniable magnetism of the moment. The air is thick with desire, the once-anticipated movie forgotten in favor of the intensity of the now. This spontaneous, intimate exchange becomes a new chapter in your shared experiences, a testament to the evolving depth of your relationship and the spontaneity that continues to define your time together.

As the intensity between you and Jeongin reaches a fever pitch, you feel his desperation mounting, each touch and kiss conveying an urgent need. With a deep breath, you gently push him off your lap, your hands moving with a deliberate softness. You guide him by the hand, leading him towards your bedroom with a sense of both excitement and anticipation. The transition from the living room to the more private space of your bedroom feels almost ceremonial, a shift from playful heat to an intimate, focused connection.

Once inside the bedroom, the atmosphere shifts to one of quiet intimacy. The room is dimly lit, casting a soft glow that highlights the contours of the space and adds to the anticipation of the moment. You turn to Jeongin with a teasing smile, your eyes reflecting a blend of affection and playful command. “Be a good boy for me,” you instruct, your voice low and encouraging. The request carries a weight of familiarity and desire, as you watch him respond with a mix of eagerness and trust.

As he begins to undress, you move towards your dresser, your fingers deftly searching through the drawers. The task of retrieving your strap and lube feels almost secondary to the charged atmosphere that surrounds you both. Each movement is deliberate, filled with a sense of anticipation that heightens the intimacy of the moment. The hidden items, usually stowed away for another time, now come to light as part of the evening’s unfolding plans.

The act of preparing for this new experience is both practical and deeply intimate. As you gather the items, you can feel the weight of the moment pressing in, a mixture of excitement and nervous energy. The bedroom, once a simple space for rest, transforms into a stage for exploration and connection. The evening’s transition from a casual night to an intensely personal experience is marked by your actions and the shared anticipation of what’s to come.

The blend of intimacy and desire creates a palpable energy that fills the room, turning ordinary moments into a profound expression of your connection. In the dim light, surrounded by the personal touches of your bedroom, the evening’s experiences become a meaningful part of your shared journey, weaving together passion, trust, and the promise of deeper exploration.

Your eyes remain locked on Jeongin’s naked form, a mixture of longing and admiration evident in your gaze. Each movement he makes as he climbs onto your bed is a visual feast, his muscles shifting and contracting with a natural grace that both excites and enthralls you. As he settles into position, legs spread in anticipation, the sight of him waiting for you heightens the intensity of the moment.

With a deliberate sense of urgency, you start undressing yourself, the process a blend of hurried motions and purposeful pauses. You can feel the heat of Jeongin’s eager gaze on you, his silent anticipation adding to the electric charge in the room. As you finally reach for the strap, you do so with an exaggerated slowness, savoring every moment of his impatient whines and quiet pleas. The meticulous way you put it on is a tease, each deliberate movement designed to prolong his yearning and amplify the tension between you.

The contrast between his growing impatience and your slow, methodical actions creates a palpable tension that fills the room. Every sound, every shift of his body as he waits, becomes a part of the unfolding scene, heightening the sense of intimacy and anticipation. The act of putting on the strap, though necessary, transforms into a sensual ritual, a deliberate play that draws out the moment and deepens the connection between you.

In this charged atmosphere, the anticipation and desire become almost tangible, weaving together in a dance of patience and longing. Your actions, while seemingly slow, are imbued with a sense of purpose and intensity, making every second count as you prepare for the shared experience that lies ahead. The bedroom, now a space of intense connection, holds the promise of deeper exploration as you both await the culmination of the evening’s anticipation.

At last, with the strap secured and in place, you climb onto the bed, each movement charged with anticipation. You position yourself between Jeongin’s legs, the proximity amplifying the electric tension that hums between you. As you lean over him, your lips meet his in a fervent kiss, a dance of tongues and emotions as you both vie for dominance. The kiss is a blend of urgency and tenderness, each of you exploring and asserting your desire with equal fervor.

Just as the kiss reaches its peak, you’re caught off guard by a sudden shift in positions. In a swift, fluid motion, Jeongin rolls over you, his body pressing you into the mattress beneath him. The unexpected change in dynamics leaves you momentarily breathless, your back landing against the soft surface of the bed. Jeongin’s position is precarious, barely hovering over the strap, his eyes wide with a mix of surprise and excitement.

The transition is both exhilarating and disorienting, the quick shift adding an element of spontaneity to the moment. The bed beneath you feels like a grounding contrast to the heated exchange, the softness of the mattress absorbing the impact of the sudden movement. Jeongin’s barely restrained position over the strap adds a new layer of intensity, the contrast between his near-touch and your own heightened senses creating a palpable tension.

The surprise of the shift only deepens the connection between you, a shared sense of spontaneity and mutual desire driving the evening forward. The room, now filled with the sounds of your mingled breaths and whispered words, becomes a stage for the unfolding intimacy. As you both adjust to the new position, the anticipation and excitement of the moment merge into a powerful, shared experience, each touch and movement heightening the intimacy of your connection.

As you watch Jeongin reach for the lube you had left on the edge of the bed, your heartbeat quickens with a rush of anticipation. The way he moves, purposeful yet tinged with a sense of urgency, only heightens the intensity of the moment. With a practiced ease, he sets the bottle by your head, his actions filled with a mixture of focus and desire.

Leaning in, he captures your lips in another desperate kiss, the urgency of his touch evident as he begins grinding against your thighs once more. The sensation is intensified, his need more palpable and urgent with each movement. The kiss is both fierce and intimate, a blend of passion and hunger that drives the connection between you both.

Your hands, eager and restless, explore each other’s bodies with a fervor that feels almost frantic. Each touch is driven by a deep yearning, a desire to feel every inch of him in an impossibly swift manner. The heat of the moment makes each caress and touch feel electric, every movement filled with a sense of exploration and intimacy.

As your hands continue their journey, they eventually find themselves focused on massaging his butt, a gesture both affectionate and assertive. The touch is deliberate, a blend of tenderness and appreciation, as you take in the feel of his body beneath your fingers. The act of massaging him adds a new layer to the intimacy of the moment, grounding the passion in a physical connection that speaks volumes.

In this shared space, the energy between you intensifies, each touch and kiss weaving together to create a tapestry of desire and connection. The lube, now a silent witness to your unfolding interaction, sits beside you, ready to facilitate the next step in your intimate exploration. The bedroom becomes a realm of sensory experience, where every touch, kiss, and movement heightens the profound bond you share.

As the grinding continues, Jeongin’s moans become increasingly erratic, each sound a testament to the building intensity between you. His body moves with a desperate rhythm, driven by a need that matches your own. Your hands, guided by a mix of urgency and desire, find the bottle of lube once more. With a deft, practiced motion, you squirt a generous amount onto your fingers, the action done without breaking the kiss. The lube’s coolness contrasts sharply with the heat of the moment, adding a new layer of sensation to your shared experience.

With your dry hand, you spread his cheeks, an intentional gesture that grants you better access. The movement is both assertive and tender, a blend of control and care that heightens the intimacy of the moment. As you explore the new angle, a moan escapes your lips, the sound a raw expression of the pleasure you’re feeling from his tightness. This moan is soon harmonized by Jeongin’s own loud and fervent sounds, each moan blending into the symphony of your shared desire.

The atmosphere around you is charged with palpable tension, the sounds of your combined pleasure filling the room and amplifying the connection between you. Every touch, every movement is a step further into a deeper intimacy, with the moans and sounds echoing the intensity of the moment. In this shared space, the boundaries between you both dissolve, leaving only the pure, unfiltered experience of your connection.

As your fingers delve deeper, exploring the contours of his insides, Jeongin’s grinding becomes more demanding, each movement a testament to his rising need. The room is filled with the sounds of your expert actions mingling with his escalating pleasure. The atmosphere is electric, the air thick with the shared intensity of the moment.

Jeongin shifts from being draped over you to sitting up, his posture a dramatic contrast to the previous closeness. His head is thrown back, eyes closed tightly as he loses himself in the sensations. He sets his own pace and rhythm, guiding the intensity with a self-assuredness that only enhances the moment’s raw energy. His movements are confident, each shift and grind an expression of his pleasure and control.

You watch with a sense of deep fascination, captivated by this new side of Jeongin that you’ve longed to witness. The sight of him so completely lost in his own pleasure, so responsive to your touch, is intoxicating. Despite him having the control and setting the pace, there’s a subtle, exhilarating power that you experience through the act of making him fall apart with just your fingers. This dynamic shift, where his pleasure is so intricately tied to your actions, fills you with a profound sense of satisfaction.

You relish the moment deeply, savoring the intimate power you hold over his pleasure and the new layer of connection it reveals. This experience, both powerful and intimate, allows you to explore and enjoy a different facet of your relationship, enhancing the depth of your bond and fulfilling a longing you’ve carried for some time.

You sit up slightly, positioning yourself just enough to wrap your hand around Jeongin’s throat. Your grip is firm but controlled, squeezing just enough to make him look directly at you. Your eyes, sparkling with a potent blend of desire and dominance, meet his with an intensity that makes him moan involuntarily. The sight of your unwavering gaze, filled with longing and command, sends a shiver through him.

As you pull your fingers out, a chuckle escapes you at his immediate complaints and whines. His body shifts restlessly, trying to keep you in place, the tension between your reactions creating a charged, almost playful atmosphere. However, his protests quickly cease when you gently guide him back over the strap, your touch both assertive and reassuring. You keep him there, the movement deliberate as you reach for the lube once more.

With practiced ease, you squirt a generous amount of lube onto your hands, the cool, slick substance contrasting with the heat of the moment. You spread the lube over the length of your strap, the motion smooth and purposeful. As you look up at Jeongin, your gaze is met with a sight that nearly drives you to the brink of madness—his eyes, dazed and full of need, reflecting an intense mix of vulnerability and desire.

The sight of his expression, so completely consumed by longing, heightens your own arousal and desire. It’s a potent reminder of the connection you share and the depth of the moment. The intimate power you wield, coupled with his visible need, creates a dynamic that is both exhilarating and profoundly satisfying. The balance of control and surrender, reflected in his dazed eyes, becomes the focal point of the evening, deepening the intensity of your shared experience.

Jeongin, guided by instinct and desire, doesn’t need any further prompting. With a confident yet eager movement, he places a hand on your bare chest, gently but firmly pushing you back against the mattress. The action is both commanding and intimate, a physical assertion of his desire. As he shifts, he emits a loud whine, the new sensation of the strap replacing your fingers creating a rush of pleasure and surprise.

He pauses briefly, settling fully onto your lap, giving himself a moment to adjust to the new sensation. His movements are deliberate, a blend of anticipation and need as he begins his anticipated bounces of pleasure. The room is soon filled with the almost explicit sounds of his pleasure—the slick, rhythmic noises of his movements, each one a testament to his pursuit of satisfaction.

You watch, completely enthralled by the sight before you. Every sound and motion from Jeongin heightens your own arousal, making the scene an intoxicating display of raw, unfiltered desire. Your hands instinctively reach for his leaking length, your fingers wrapping around it with a firm yet gentle grip. As you stroke him in sync with his movements, the pleasure he experiences intensifies, his moans becoming louder and more fervent. The synchronized rhythm of your touch and his movements amplifies the pleasure for both of you, creating a powerful and immersive experience.

The dynamic of the moment—his pleasure, your touch, the sounds filling the room—creates a vivid, exhilarating tapestry of connection and desire. The intensity of the scene, driven by your mutual need and responsiveness, weaves together a deeply satisfying experience that leaves you both captivated and deeply entwined in the moment.

Unsurprisingly, Jeongin’s moans reach higher pitches as the pressure in his abdomen builds, his rhythm growing increasingly erratic. The intensity of his pleasure is palpable, a mix of rising urgency and need. Observing his struggle, you decide to assist him by moving your own hips in a matching rhythm, syncing with the speed he initially set. The adjustment brings a renewed sense of harmony to your movements, amplifying the pleasure for both of you.

Your free arm wraps around him, drawing him closer as he drapes himself over you once more. He buries his face in your neck, seeking comfort and connection in the closeness. His entire body tenses, each groan guttural and full of raw emotion. The intense moment crescendos, and he relaxes almost instantly when your movements slow to a stop. The room is then filled with the sound of your combined panting, a testament to the exertion and ecstasy you’ve both experienced.

As the intensity fades, Jeongin rolls to the side, a thin layer of sweat clinging to both of your skins. You turn to face him, your wide smile reflecting the deep satisfaction and affection you feel. He meets your gaze with a loving expression, his eyes softening as he whispers, “I love you so fucking much.” The words, though simple, carry a profound depth of emotion, resonating with the closeness and connection you’ve shared in the moment. The exchange solidifies the bond between you, marking the culmination of a deeply intimate and emotionally charged experience.

꒰ 🏷️ ꒱ ミ Permanent taglist: @agi-ppangx @sunnyrisee @jisunglyricist (Click on the link to join! All you have to do is answer a few questions to help me stay organized!)

🍉 FROM THE RIVER TO THE SEA, PALESTINE WILL BE FREE! DAILY CLICKS! STAYBLR FUNDRAISER!

hi, i’m sorry i’m doing this as an anon i just get really anxious when requesting and it’s a little embarrassing but i read your guide for requesting and i noticed that you said something about liking the idea of pegging? so if (and only if) you’re comfortable with it, can you write something about a female reader pegging jeongin for the first time? sorry if this is weird, and if you don’t want to then you can just ignore this!!

Hello! I’m so sorry it took me an eternity to get to this request! First of all, there’s absolutely no judgment in making requests anonymously, I love every request regardless. I actually understand the anxiety, I also struggle with it when I make my own requests towards writers I admire and sometimes, if I'm a little intimidated or if it's my first time approaching a certain writer, I also do it anonymously — so it’s all good!

Secondly, I adore pegging! It is seriously one of my all-time favorite kinks along with shibari, it’s just so much fun and I just love the idea of having men unraveling because it just feels so good for them. UGH 😩 THANK YOU FOR THE REQUEST!

I hope you enjoy this, and again, I’m so sorry for taking so long to finally get to it. Please feel free to send me other requests or asks and I promise I'll try to do better about responding! ── ( 𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐲 𝐤𝐢𝐝𝐬 )

☕️ 𝐄𝐔𝐏𝐇𝐎𝐑𝐈𝐀 ☕️

( 𝐠𝐮𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐬 ) ( 𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 & 𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐬 ) ( 𝐫𝐞𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 ) ( 𝐥𝐢𝐛𝐫𝐚𝐫𝐲 ) 3.4k

( 𝐓𝐄𝐀𝐒𝐄𝐑 ): Release Date: Posted!

──── * ˚ ✦ ECHOES OF US ( stray kids )

❛ After a painful breakup, you and Jeongin struggle to maintain a civil front for your mutual friends, but when he accidentally calls you by your old pet name, unresolved emotions resurface, forcing you both to confront the lingering feelings between you.

𝐲𝐚𝐧𝐠 𝐣𝐞𝐨𝐧𝐠𝐢𝐧 + gender neutral reader ೯ ( 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐬 )

𝐞𝐱𝐩𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 10.5k~

꒰ 💌 ꒱ ミ This is sort of still a work in progress, but really it just means that I have to finish writing the ending of the final draft before finally moving on to proofreading. Since this is my first official long-fic (a story for a single member that's over 10K), I thought it might be fun to announce it now and see who's interested! This was anonymously requested! (Anon, I'm sorry it took me a hot minute to finally finish this, but I hope I made up for it with how long it ended up being 🫠) Reblogs for this teaser are always appreciated! Requests are currently open! ── ( 𝐥𝐢𝐛𝐫𝐚𝐫𝐲 )

𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: Mentions of sibling death and grief, very brief mention of a dysfunctional home, brief explanation of sibling death, Y/N's sibling has their own name, mentions of being abandoned, heartbreak, awkward re-encounter after almost a year, discussions on mental health, a whole lot of angst, comforting ending.

( 𝐠𝐮𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐬 ) ( 𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 & 𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐬 ) ( 𝐫𝐞𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 ) ( 𝐭𝐢𝐩 𝐣𝐚𝐫 )

Want to be alerted when I post this? Let me know in the comments so I can tag you!

SO, UM 😭 I’m not sure why but my draft for this story got posted by accident! A few of you guys reblogged it, so if you did, can you please delete it and act shocked when I post the final version? Please? 😭

PERM TAGLIST: @agi-ppangx @sunnyrisee @jisunglyricist @nxtt2-u @nebugalaxy @bokk-minnie @tajannah-price1 @lixies-favorite-cookie

POST TAGLIST: @stascence @xxdwaekkaxx @raspberrii @joyofbebbanburg @drewsandsebastianswife @minholover1 @vangoghsear0 @theodorenottgf @chanshyunjin @cafffeineconnoisseur @villainstayy @qwonyoung23 @fawnoverdawn @sofix-hc7 @softkisshyunjin @madewithchildlabor (Still open!)

( 𝐓𝐄𝐀𝐒𝐄𝐑 ): Release Date: September 10th

──── * ˚ ✦ ECHOES OF US ( stray kids )

❛ After a painful breakup, you and Jeongin struggle to maintain a civil front for your mutual friends, but when he accidentally calls you by your old pet name, unresolved emotions resurface, forcing you both to confront the lingering feelings between you.

𝐲𝐚𝐧𝐠 𝐣𝐞𝐨𝐧𝐠𝐢𝐧 + gender neutral reader ೯ ( 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐬 )

𝐞𝐱𝐩𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 10.5k~

꒰ 💌 ꒱ ミ This is sort of still a work in progress, but really it just means that I have to finish writing the ending of the final draft before finally moving on to proofreading. Since this is my first official long-fic (a story for a single member that's over 10K), I thought it might be fun to announce it now and see who's interested! This was anonymously requested! (Anon, I'm sorry it took me a hot minute to finally finish this, but I hope I made up for it with how long it ended up being 🫠) Reblogs for this teaser are always appreciated! Requests are currently open! ── ( 𝐥𝐢𝐛𝐫𝐚𝐫𝐲 )

𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: Mentions of sibling death and grief, very brief mention of a dysfunctional home, brief explanation of sibling death, Y/N's sibling has their own name, mentions of being abandoned, heartbreak, awkward re-encounter after almost a year, discussions on mental health, a whole lot of angst, comforting ending.

( 𝐠𝐮𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐬 ) ( 𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 & 𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐬 ) ( 𝐫𝐞𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 ) ( 𝐭𝐢𝐩 𝐣𝐚𝐫 )

Want to be alerted when I post this? Let me know in the comments so I can tag you!

──── * ˚ ✦ ECHOES OF US ( stray kids )

❛ After a painful breakup, you and Jeongin struggle to maintain a civil front for your mutual friends, but when he accidentally calls you by your old pet name, unresolved emotions resurface, forcing you both to confront the lingering feelings between you.

𝐲𝐚𝐧𝐠 𝐣𝐞𝐨𝐧𝐠𝐢𝐧 + gender neutral reader ೯ ( 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐬 )

𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 12.6k 𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞: 50 mins

꒰ 💌 ꒱ ミ Say hello to my very first long-fic! It took me an eternity to get this done, but I'm actually very proud of how it turned out! Also, my very rough draft for this was accidentally posted a few days ago, so if you saw that...no you didn't! This was anonymously requested! (Anon, I'm sorry it took me a hot minute to finally finish this, but I hope I made up for it with how long it ended up being 🫠) Reblogs for this teaser are always appreciated! Requests are currently open! ── ( 𝐥𝐢𝐛𝐫𝐚𝐫𝐲 )

𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: Mentions of sibling death and grief, very brief mention of a dysfunctional home, use of they-them pronouns for Y/N, brief explanation of sibling death, Y/N's sibling has their own name, mentions of being abandoned, heartbreak, awkward re-encounter after almost a year, discussions on mental health, a whole lot of angst, comforting ending, let me know if I missed anything!

( 𝐠𝐮𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐬 ) ( 𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 & 𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐬 ) ( 𝐫𝐞𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 ) ( 𝐭𝐢𝐩 𝐣𝐚𝐫 )

When Jeongin stepped through the door he had once shared with you, a sense of dread already coiled tightly around his heart, squeezing with every breath. He knew you'd kept your promise to move out by the end of the week, but the reality of it hit harder than he could have imagined. The front hallway, once cluttered with a chaotic jumble of shoes that you always left haphazardly by the entrance, now stood painfully bare, save for his own neatly aligned row of frequently worn sneakers. The absence of your presence echoed louder than any argument ever had, and suddenly he found himself longing for those moments of trivial annoyance—wishing, with a deep, aching desire, that he could quarrel with you about it just once more.

He kicked off his sneakers, setting them carefully amongst the rest of his now lonely footwear. For a moment, he stood there, hesitant, almost willing to call out your name, hoping against hope that you might answer from the bedroom or kitchen, your voice cutting through the oppressive silence that now smothered the apartment. But he knew better. He moved forward with heavy steps, not even bothering to put on his house slippers. The silence that greeted him as he wandered further inside was a deafening reminder of what he had lost. You were gone, and with you, the vibrant energy that had once filled these walls had vanished too.

The living room—once a collage of your combined tastes—was now stripped of the personal touches that made it home. The furniture remained, the couch where you both had laughed and argued, the coffee table marked with rings from careless mugs of tea during lazy mornings. Yet, all the little decorations, the framed art you insisted on hanging, the plants you’d tried so hard to keep alive—they had all disappeared with you. The emptiness was jarring, like a canvas half-painted and abruptly abandoned, leaving every wall and surface barren, the once warm and cozy atmosphere now reduced to a cold, unfamiliar space.

By the time Jeongin reached the bedroom, the last thread of his fragile composure snapped. The bed—where countless memories had been woven—was stripped down to its bare mattress, the sheets gone. The framed photographs of the two of you were turned face down on the bedside table, as if you couldn’t bear to look at them one last time. His eyes moved to the corner where your ridiculously large collection of stuffed animals had once spilled over, crowding half of the bed. That too was empty now. An overwhelming wave of loss washed over him, dragging him to his knees. 

Jeongin's breath came out in shaky gasps as he looked around the hollow shell of what had been your shared sanctuary. You were truly gone. Though he had been the one to end things between you, a decision made in a moment of confusion and pride, he was still hopelessly, painfully in love with you. The realization of his own foolishness crashed over him with unbearable weight, suffocating him in the silence that was once filled with your laughter, your presence, and your love.

Jeongin couldn’t summon a shred of resentment toward you, even if he tried. He understood, all too painfully, that everything that had unraveled between you over the past year was nothing but a sorrowful consequence of your grief. You had once been a soul overflowing with light, always searching for the silver lining amidst the clouds, a spirit who could find a glimmer of hope even in the darkest of times. You, who would often conspire with his mischievous best friend, Seungmin, forming a relentless duo to tease him until he’d feign a pout, forcing you to shower him with kisses until he laughed again. You, who came home every evening brimming with stories about the children you counseled at the school, your eyes alight with passion and care for each of them. All that Jeongin had loved so deeply about you seemed to have been buried alongside your sister, Nari, and this loss was a truth he still grappled with, even now.

As he crawled onto the empty, cold bed that had once been a warm sanctuary for both of you, Jeongin curled into himself, his body folding inward as if trying to shield himself from the harsh reality. His sobs came in ragged waves, tearing through him so violently that he trembled, his breath hitching with each shaky inhale. He missed you more than words could convey—he missed everything about you. The sound of your laughter echoed in his mind like a haunting melody, its tones shifting with your moods: soft and lyrical when merely amused, and loud, unrestrained when joy truly overwhelmed you. He missed those sounds, the ones that used to fill this now desolate space with life and love.

He missed the lazy afternoons you'd spend together, brainstorming new exercises for his music therapy sessions. Those moments would often devolve into impromptu concerts, filled with your carefree, barefoot dancing across the living room floor and his voice following your lead, blending into a harmony of shared happiness. It was in those moments that everything felt right in the world, where nothing existed but the two of you, lost in your own little universe of melodies and movements. He missed those afternoons like one misses the warmth of the sun after too many days of rain.

He missed teasing you in those quiet moments when you were deeply focused, often catching you sticking your tongue out ever so slightly—a quirk of concentration that never failed to endear him. He’d gently pinch it between his fingers, earning himself a mildly exasperated huff as you’d swat his hand away. But he knew that a smile would inevitably creep up on your lips, and you’d turn away to hide it, cheeks flushing with a mix of amusement and affection. It was the kind of simple, tender moment that spoke volumes about the depth of your bond, a bond that now felt irreparably severed.

Every corner of this home whispered memories of you, and he was haunted by them all—the good, the bad, the ones that made him laugh, and especially those that made him cry. Your absence left a void that nothing could fill, a hollow silence where there had once been laughter and love. And even though he knew it was your grief that had driven a wedge between you, he couldn’t help but wish he could find a way back to you, to the person you used to be, and to the love that once made him feel whole.

The night that shattered your world was meant to be a day of celebration: your younger sister Nari’s high school graduation. Jeongin could still see you in his mind's eye that morning, almost vibrating with pure, uncontainable joy. Your eyes were bright, brimming with excitement, and your smile—so wide and beautiful—tugged at his heart each time it graced your lips. Nari was the center of your universe, your pride, your joy, your true soulmate in a world that often felt uncertain and cold. You had been more than just a sister to her; you had been her guardian, her comforter, her everything. You were the one who took on the weight of raising her through the chaotic turmoil of your parents' messy divorce, providing stability where there was none. 

Jeongin could recall countless times Nari would recount how you shielded her from the constant, venomous arguments that echoed through your childhood home. Despite your own young age, you found ways to distract her, to pull her out of the chaos—whether it was with whispered jokes or made-up games that filled her mind with something brighter than the screaming. To Nari, you were a star, someone who had hung the moon just for her. She often spoke with a mix of awe and adoration about the afternoons you both spent sneaking into the little ice cream shop on the way home from school, spending hours laughing over melting cones until you were sure your mother had left for work. 

Jeongin also remembered the quiet, tender moments he would witness after you had graduated and moved out. Nights when Nari would sleep over, curled up beside you, as if you were her very own safe haven in a world that could be so unforgiving. There was a beauty in how you held her close, how you seemed to provide her with an anchor when everything else felt adrift. Yet, no relationship, no matter how deeply cherished, is without its storms. For as vividly as Jeongin could remember the soft, loving moments, he could just as clearly recall the bitter weeks leading up to Nari's graduation—weeks marked by harsh words and heated arguments.

You and Nari shared many things—your fierce loyalty, your protective instincts—but perhaps most notably, the sharp edge of your words. When tempers flared, both of you possessed a mercilessly cutting tongue that could lash out with a force that left deep, stinging wounds. Jeongin hated those fights, hated the cruel things you would shout at each other in the heat of the moment, words that cut so deeply and yet meant nothing once the anger faded. The conflict had started when Nari began dating an older guy who had already graduated. Neither you nor Jeongin liked him, sensing the danger in his recklessness, his penchant for illegal activities that threatened to drag your sister down a path she wasn't prepared for. But Nari, stubborn and convinced she had found the love of her life, refused to listen. The tension between you both grew unbearable, each argument driving another wedge between you and your beloved sister, and Jeongin could do nothing but stand helplessly on the sidelines, watching as she slowly pushed you away.

The real fracture came on what should have been a night of celebration. Nari was supposed to have dinner with you and Jeongin to celebrate her graduation. She promised to meet you both, to share in the joy of her achievement, but instead, she turned off her phone and ran off with her boyfriend to a party that everyone knew would be dangerous. For hours, you and Jeongin called and texted, reaching out to everyone who might have known where she was, each unanswered ring heightening the tension, every minute stretching into a painful eternity. 

And then, the call came—the one that brought your entire world crashing down. Nari had been found dead inside her boyfriend’s car. Both were intoxicated when he decided to drive, his recklessness steering them straight into a tree. The impact killed them both instantly. 

Jeongin would never forget the sound that tore through you in that moment, a wail of agony so deep and raw it seemed to shatter the very air around you. It was a sound that would forever echo in his heart, a haunting melody of a love lost too soon and a pain that could never be soothed.

The piercing sound of Jeongin's phone ringing in his back pocket cut through the thick, oppressive fog of memories that had been drowning him ever since he stepped into the cold, empty apartment that was once alive with the warmth of your shared moments. His body still trembled with the aftershocks of his own heartbreak, his face still wet with a cascade of tears that seemed endless. For a moment, he considered ignoring it, letting it fade away into the void of everything else that felt lost to him. But something compelled him to move, to reach into his pocket and pull out his phone. The screen flashed with a name: Chan. 

Jeongin’s first instinct was to let it ring out. He wasn’t sure he could bear the gentle, pity-laden concern he knew he would hear in Chan’s voice. The idea of facing someone else’s worry, of being forced to articulate the emptiness clawing at his chest, felt like too much. But he also knew that Chan wasn’t just calling for the sake of it—he was worried. Maybe that thought, the notion that someone still cared enough to reach out, was what finally convinced Jeongin to answer. With a shaky breath, he pressed the phone to his ear.

“Yes?” His voice came out rough and broken, as if he’d swallowed shards of glass, a hoarse rasp that even he barely recognized. On the other end, there was a sharp intake of breath, a small hitch that spoke volumes, followed by the sound of Chan clearing his throat in that awkward, nervous way he had when he didn’t know how to approach a delicate subject.

“Hey, how are you holding up?” Chan’s voice was gentle, tentative, as if afraid that anything more might cause Jeongin to shatter completely. The simple question, so innocuous yet loaded with care, brought fresh tears to Jeongin’s eyes. He swallowed thickly, trying to keep his composure, not wanting to add more weight to Chan’s worry.

“As well as I can be...everything is gone.” The words felt heavy on his tongue, sinking like stones into the silence that followed. There was a sigh on the other end, deep and empathetic, filled with an understanding that was both comforting and unbearable.

“I’ll stop by later, yeah?” Chan’s offer came with a note of encouragement, trying to lift the heavy blanket of despair. “I can bring Minho so he can cook you some food, and we can figure out what comes next.” There was kindness in his words, an attempt to pull Jeongin from the pit he’d found himself in, but the weight pressing on Jeongin’s chest didn’t budge, didn’t ease in the slightest.

“Maybe another time, Channie, thank you,” Jeongin murmured, his voice carrying the exhaustion of someone who had been running a losing race against his own emotions. “I think I just need a few days alone.” The silence that stretched between them after was telling, thick with Chan’s unspoken disapproval. Jeongin could almost see the frown on his friend’s face, the way he’d be chewing on his lip, holding back what he really wanted to say.

Eventually, Chan spoke again, his tone carefully measured, almost as if he were walking on eggshells. “Right. Um, hey...Felix wanted to pay Y/N a visit to make sure everything’s alright and to help with the moving. The problem is, none of us really know where they moved, and we thought that maybe they might’ve told you or something?”

The mention of your name was like a punch to the gut, a sharp twist of the knife that had already been embedded in his heart. Jeongin’s breath caught, and he could feel his throat tightening, the sting of tears threatening to spill over once more. He squeezed his eyes shut, willing himself to stay composed, to not break apart all over again.

“No,” he sighed after a moment, rolling onto his back and staring up at the empty, featureless ceiling that seemed to stretch on like an abyss. “I thought you guys would’ve known... but maybe Y/N needs some time alone for a while too. I’m sure they’ll call when they’re ready.”

The words felt hollow, a brittle hope that tasted more like ash on his tongue, but it was all he could offer. And in the silence that followed, Jeongin could only listen to the faint sound of Chan’s breathing, the weight of their shared helplessness settling in like a cold, unwelcome presence in the room.

Jeongin had clung to a fragile hope that, in time, you would reach out to the circle of friends who had once been your shared lifeline. He never imagined that you would confide in him directly—he knew all too well that the pain of his departure still festered like an open wound. You had made it painfully clear how much you resented him for breaking things off when you needed him most. He could still hear your voice, raw with anger and hurt, echoing in his mind as you stormed out of the apartment for the last time.

But never in his darkest nightmares had he expected you to vanish completely, as if swallowed by the earth itself. There wasn't even a whisper of your whereabouts, not the faintest trace left behind to hint at where you might have gone. It was as if you had been erased from existence. When you left, you didn't just walk out of Jeongin's life—you walked away from everything that had tied you to this place. You resigned from your job as a school counselor, the one located just a short distance from Jeongin’s apartment where you had once found solace in guiding young lives through their own turmoil. Your phone number had changed, your social media accounts lay abandoned and untouched, gathering digital dust like forgotten relics of a past life.

For what felt like an eternity, each member of your once tightly-knit group of friends wore the weight of worry like a second skin, tirelessly searching for any sign of you, some confirmation that you were still out there, somewhere, still breathing. Nights were spent in hushed conversations and whispered theories, each one more desperate than the last, wondering if you were even alive. The silence you left in your wake was deafening, a void that consumed every bit of hope they tried to hold onto.

Yet, as the months dragged on and there was still no word—no signal, no letter, not even a single fleeting message—Jeongin and the others were forced to confront a harsh new reality. The absence of your presence became a palpable thing, a hollow emptiness that settled in their chests. Slowly, reluctantly, they began to understand that they might never see you again. And in that painful understanding, they had no choice but to piece together their broken hearts and try, however feebly, to move forward. 

But even as they moved on, a part of Jeongin remained anchored in that lingering silence, waiting for the day it would finally break.

✦•······················•✦•······················•✦

Eight months had passed since you vanished without a word, leaving behind a void that swallowed everything and everyone you once knew. Jeongin found himself seated on a low stool in the center of his sunlit office, a space designed to cradle broken spirits. The room was filled with warmth, the soft, earth-toned walls bathed in a gentle, golden glow that made it feel like a sanctuary amidst the chaos. Around him, cushions were scattered like islands of comfort, and the soft hum of a guitar rested against his body, its strings vibrating gently with each subtle shift of his calloused fingers.

In front of him, a small group sat in a circle, each person a vessel of silent sorrow. Some had their eyes shut tight, trying to shut out the world, while others stared ahead, their gazes distant, lost in the labyrinth of their own pain. Today’s session was centered around grief—a familiar theme that Jeongin had come to understand all too well. His eyes swept over the group, his expression soft and understanding, a silent invitation for them to share their burdens. Directly across from him, a young woman who had recently lost her mother sat rigid, her shoulders taut as bowstrings, her fingers anxiously picking at the frayed edge of her sleeve. Beside her, an elderly man kept his gaze fixed on his wrinkled hands, folded so tightly in his lap it seemed as if he was afraid he might fall apart if he let go.

Jeongin's fingers began to dance over the guitar strings, coaxing out a few gentle notes that floated through the room like a soft breeze on a warm day. The melody was simple, almost like a lullaby—tender and soothing, a soft hand reaching out in the enveloping darkness. It was a song he had crafted with your help, your voice whispering in his mind, guiding the melody with your mesmerizing ideas and gentle critiques. He tried not to think of you now, of the countless hours you'd spent together creating this very piece, but the memory lingered like a ghost.

“Let’s take a deep breath,” he murmured, his voice a low hum that barely rose above the delicate strumming. “Breathe in... and out. Feel the music as it moves through you.” His voice was smooth and warm as he began to sing, threading through the air like a comforting embrace. The lyrics were a balm for weary souls, speaking of finding peace amid the storm, of a quiet place where one could lay down their burdens. He watched the room with quiet intent, observing as the music began to weave its subtle magic.

The young woman’s shoulders, once so tense, began to loosen ever so slightly, her breath easing into a more natural rhythm. The elderly man’s grip on his hands softened, his fingers unclenching as if the melody had given him permission to let go, if only for a moment. Jeongin’s heart ached as he shifted the melody into a new key, a hint of melancholy now woven into the notes. His voice leaned into the emotion, allowing it to crack and falter in just the right places, like a mirror reflecting the fractures of a breaking heart.

He knew the power of those small imperfections—the way a slight fracture in the music could resonate with the cracks in a person’s soul, giving them the courage to confront their own pain. The room felt heavy with unspoken sorrow, yet somehow lighter, too, as if each note was drawing out a little of the darkness from within. And as he continued to sing, Jeongin allowed himself to feel the weight of his own grief, letting it pour into the song, knowing that sometimes, in the quiet beauty of shared pain, there was a kind of healing.

Moments later, a soft sob broke the fragile silence. The young woman's face crumpled as she brought a trembling hand to her mouth, tears spilling down her cheeks in rivulets that caught the light. Jeongin’s heart ached for her, a deep, familiar pain unfurling in his chest. His mind flashed back to countless moments where he had seen that same expression etched across your own face—the anguish, the vulnerability. But he didn’t stop playing. Instead, he allowed the melody to swell, his fingers coaxing the guitar strings through the dark waters of sorrow and guiding them back toward a glimmer of hope, like a lighthouse in a storm.

“Let it out,” he murmured, his voice a soft, comforting undertone to the music. “There’s no need to hold back here.” His words were a gentle invitation, a permission to release the emotions that had been held back for far too long. And as if on cue, the room filled with the raw sounds of grief—soft, stifled sobs, muffled cries, the quiet sniffles of those who had long forgotten how to weep openly. Jeongin continued to play, his music becoming a vessel for their pain, a safe harbor where tears could flow without shame or judgment. 

Across the circle, he caught a glimpse of the elderly man, his head bowed low, his lips quivering as he mouthed the words of the song. His eyes were squeezed shut, as if trying to ward off a memory too painful to face. Jeongin’s gaze softened, and he let the melody shift, his fingers moving with practiced ease into something softer, gentler—like a lull after the fury of a storm. Each note was deliberate, a quiet caress to soothe the raw edges of the room's collective sorrow. He watched as the weight of grief began to lift, ever so slightly, and the room took a deep breath, exhaling the heaviness that had clung to them like a shadow.

When the final note faded into the stillness, Jeongin let the silence settle, heavy but not suffocating. He set his guitar down gently, his eyes meeting each person’s in turn, offering a silent acknowledgment of their pain. “Thank you for sharing this space with me,” he said, his voice a soft balm even as his own heart bore the scars of past regrets. Too often did Jeongin lose sleep over how he, despite his profession, had failed to help you through your own grief. “Grief is heavy, but together, we can carry it, even if just for a moment.”

The young woman wiped at her tears, her face still etched with the rawness of her emotions, but in her eyes, there was a faint spark—a glimmer of relief, as if, for the first time in a long while, she felt a little less alone. The elderly man’s shoulders sagged, a heavy breath escaping his lips, as though a burden had been lifted, if only for a moment. Jeongin offered a small, gentle smile, a subtle curve of his lips that spoke of understanding and quiet encouragement. He picked up his guitar again, fingers brushing against the strings with a familiar, comforting touch.

“How about we end with something light?” he suggested, strumming a few upbeat chords, his eyes brightening with a hint of mischief. “Maybe a song that reminds us of hope. Even when it’s hard to see, it’s always there… waiting for us.” His words hung in the air like a promise, a tender reminder that there was light even in the darkest of places.

And so, with his voice soft but steady, Jeongin led them into another song—one that spoke of healing, of finding strength in the most shattered places, and of a quiet, enduring joy that could bloom even in the darkest seasons of life. This was a song Jeongin had written and composed in the wake of your absence, in the silence that followed your sudden departure. It was a song born of hope, crafted in those long months of not knowing, a song he had always dreamed of sharing with you. And as he sang, he let that hope fill the room, weaving through the notes, a quiet, resilient thread that held the promise of brighter days.

Nearly thirty minutes had passed since the group therapy session had officially ended, but Jeongin's office was still filled with the quiet shuffling of his patients gradually making their way out. This wasn't unusual; some of them often lingered, seeking a few more moments to connect or share their thoughts, and Jeongin never minded. He found these moments invaluable—an opportunity to touch base, to offer a final bit of encouragement or reassurance. 

As Jeongin turned to watch the last patient leave, he was surprised to find his friend Changbin leaning against the doorframe. Changbin’s muscular arms were crossed over his broad chest, his eyes twinkling with a mix of admiration and amusement. A soft smile tugged at the corners of his lips, and it only grew wider when Jeongin’s gaze finally met his. "Bin," Jeongin greeted with a slight bow, his dimples appearing as he returned his friend's smile. He moved toward his desk on the opposite end of the room, a space that served as both his office and a therapy room within the clinic.

Without waiting for an invitation, Changbin followed him, settling himself comfortably into the leather chair meant for Jeongin. With a roll of his eyes and a shake of his head, Jeongin let out a small huff of amusement at his friend's antics. He took a seat in one of the smaller chairs intended for his patients, his gaze fixed on Changbin. "What are you doing here?" Jeongin finally asked, watching his friend lounging back in the chair, hands interlocked casually behind his head.

Changbin's playful demeanor slowly shifted, his eyes losing their mischievous spark as they settled into something more serious. He sighed, leaning forward to rest his forearms on Jeongin's desk, the sudden shift in atmosphere making Jeongin's heart pick up a little in pace. He tried to keep his expression soft, maintaining a small smile even as he braced himself for whatever Changbin had come to say.

For a moment, the room was filled with a heavy silence as Changbin seemed to struggle with his words, his brows furrowing in thought. Finally, he cleared his throat and spoke, "You know how Yongbok and Hannie wanted to have a joint celebration for their birthdays this Friday, right?" Jeongin's brows knit together in confusion; he hadn’t expected such a mundane topic. Still, he nodded, waiting for the real reason behind Changbin's visit.

"Well, everything will be pretty much the same... but we wanted to tell you this before you showed up." Changbin paused, his worried eyes meeting Jeongin's increasingly anxious gaze. After a deep breath, he continued, "Y/N moved back here a little over a week ago and reached out to us almost immediately. We helped them settle back down, and we've been spending some time with them, catching up on everything. Yongbok and Hannie wanted them to be included in their birthday celebration, but we also wanted to check in with you. Make sure you're okay with that first."

Jeongin felt his entire world tilt on its axis, Changbin's words crashing into him like a wave he hadn’t braced for. A million questions stormed through his mind, so fast and furious that he couldn’t quite grasp a single one. "Wait." His hand shot up, signaling his need for a pause as he shifted forward, perching on the edge of his chair. His voice, tinged with betrayal and hurt, spilled out in a rushed breath, "What do you mean Y/N moved back here a week ago? Why am I just learning about this now?"

A look of guilt shadowed Changbin's face, his expression softening with regret. "Y/N asked us not to tell you for a little bit because they weren't ready to handle it yet... but now that everything's settled, they have a new job and everything—Y/N is ready to meet with you if you'd like." He hesitated, and a flicker of panic widened his eyes as he quickly added, "But you didn't hear that last part from me. Y/N wanted to be the one to reach out at some point today or tomorrow."

The silence that followed was heavy, all-consuming, wrapping around Jeongin like a thick fog. He struggled to wrap his mind around the news of your return, the idea of seeing you again so unexpectedly unsettling. The weight of your absence, the questions left unanswered, all resurfaced in that single moment, leaving him adrift in a sea of emotions he wasn’t prepared to face.

Jeongin didn't quite know how to feel about you moving back into town after leaving him without so much as a goodbye. The news of your return stirred a storm of emotions within him, each one more complicated than the last. On one hand, he understood your reasons for leaving—the desperate need to escape from everything that reminded you of your younger sister, Nari, and the weight of your relationship with him, which had grown heavy with grief and unresolved pain. He could see why you had to flee, to distance yourself from the memories that clung to every corner of the town like shadows that wouldn't let you breathe. 

But understanding didn't erase the sting of abandonment. Jeongin couldn't ignore the countless sleepless nights he’d endured, his mind spiraling into an abyss of what-ifs and could-have-beens. He thought back to the moments when your relationship had still felt beautiful and safe, long before it had quietly begun to crumble beneath the weight of tragedy. In truth, he realized, the love between you had started to fray the very moment you received the devastating news of Nari’s fatal accident. It had unraveled slowly, painfully, until there was nothing left but a hollow shell of what once was. By the time he officially ended things, the love you shared had already been gone, replaced by a haunting emptiness.

For months after you left, Jeongin had nearly driven himself to madness, caught in a vicious cycle of regret and self-blame. Every waking moment was spent agonizing over all the different ways he might have pulled you out of your grief. Could he have said something different, done something more? Could he have been more patient, more understanding? He had replayed these thoughts over and over, like a broken record stuck on a painful refrain. There was a time when he couldn’t even look at his own reflection without being reminded of his failure—his inability to be the anchor you needed in the storm of your sorrow. He blamed himself for your sudden departure, believing that if he had fought for you a little harder, if he had held on just a bit longer, maybe things would have turned out differently.

Slowly, though, Jeongin had begun to emerge from the shadows of his own grief. He had started to come to terms with the loss—not just of Nari, whom he had loved deeply through you, but also the loss of the future he had imagined with you by his side. He’d begun to accept that his own heartbreak, mixed with the suffocating weight of guilt, was something he needed to release in order to move forward. Jeongin had finally allowed himself to realize that in the grand scheme of things, staying by your side would have meant losing himself in the process, trying to bring back a version of you that had vanished the day Nari did. He’d come to understand that you were never going to be the same person again, and neither was he.

And now, just when he was starting to find a semblance of peace, you chose this moment to step back into his life. It felt like the ground he had just managed to steady himself on was beginning to shake once more. Jeongin wasn’t sure if he was ready to face you again, to reopen wounds that were only just beginning to scar over. Yet, there was also a flicker of something else—a hope, perhaps, or maybe just curiosity—about what this new chapter could bring. But whatever it was, it left him feeling unsettled, standing on the precipice of a past he had tried so hard to leave behind.

As his mind continued to swirl with a torrent of thoughts, Jeongin was startled by the bitterness that began to simmer beneath the surface of his heart. The resentment was unexpected, an emotion so potent that it almost frightened him. It clawed at him, leaving a sour taste in his mouth, a stark contrast to the calm demeanor he usually carried. But as his gaze lifted, his eyes locked with Changbin's, and he saw the concern etched in his friend's face. The anxiety in Changbin's sincere eyes was unmistakable, quietly tracking the cascade of emotions that flickered across Jeongin's vulnerable features like a storm passing through. 

Despite the sharp sting of betrayal—the feeling of being kept in the dark by his closest friends, who had not only hidden your return from him but also lied to him so they could spend time with you—Jeongin found a small measure of solace in Changbin’s quiet empathy. It was as if Changbin's presence anchored him, a silent reassurance that he wasn’t navigating these turbulent waters alone. In that brief moment, Jeongin’s chaotic thoughts cleared enough for him to take a deep, steadying breath. He slumped back into his chair, his eyes dropping to his sneakers, suddenly feeling the weight of his own exhaustion. His shoulders sagged, heavy with the burden of emotions he could no longer ignore.

"I don’t know if I’ll be ready to meet with Y/N before the party," Jeongin confessed in a low murmur meant only for Changbin’s ears. The sadness in his voice was unmistakable, a raw and tender ache that clung to every word. He took a moment, trying to gather his thoughts that seemed to scatter like leaves in the wind. "But I’m not going to stand in the way of Y/N joining the birthday party—especially since it’s not my place to decide that. I’ll still be there, and I want to be as civil as possible. So, please, don’t let anyone make it more awkward than it needs to be, or I don’t think I’ll be able to handle it."

His voice trembled by the end, his courage wavering as he finally lifted his eyes to meet Changbin's once more. There was a flicker of something fragile there, something almost hopeful, despite the tangled mess of his emotions. Changbin nodded, a soft smile pulling at his lips, a small gesture of gratitude and understanding. He stood up, moving closer to lay a firm, reassuring hand on Jeongin’s shoulder—a rare show of affection, knowing how Jeongin tended to shy away from touch, especially when his emotions were laid bare like this.

"I’ll talk to the boys," Changbin promised, his voice steady, grounding. It was the most he could offer in that moment, aware of how delicate the situation was. 

With that, Changbin turned and quietly exited Jeongin's office, leaving the younger man alone with his thoughts. The room seemed to close in around him, heavy with the weight of everything he was yet to fully comprehend. Jeongin remained seated, lost in the labyrinth of his own complicated emotions—anger, sadness, regret, and something else, something almost like a glimmer of hope—all swirling together in a chaotic dance that he had no idea how to untangle.

✦•······················•✦•······················•✦

In the three days leading up to the eagerly awaited joint birthday party on Friday—an event hosted by Chan for Felix and Jisung—Jeongin found himself ensnared in a relentless spiral of anxiety and anticipation. The looming prospect of encountering you after nearly a year of absence gnawed at him with a persistence that bordered on torment. He grappled with a thousand imagined scenarios, each one an intricate tapestry of potential outcomes and emotional landmines. The uncertainty was a constant, unsettling presence in his life.

Jeongin’s small apartment, once shared with you, had become a labyrinth of memories and regrets. He often wandered its confines, the soft thud of his footsteps a mournful echo of the unease that had taken residence in his chest. The apartment seemed to sigh with each step he took, as if mourning the lost echoes of a time when you had been there. Despite his efforts to bury himself in work, the thought of you lingered like an unwelcome shadow, a constant undercurrent that refused to be ignored. He would catch himself staring at his phone, repeatedly re-reading the message you had sent him just hours after Changbin’s visit—a message that had become both a lifeline and a tormentor.

Your text, which read: 

Hey, Jeongin. It’s been a while. I know I left without much of an explanation and cut off contact... I’m sorry for how I handled things. I’m sorry for a lot of things, actually. But I wasn’t in the best place back then, and I needed time to figure things out on my own. I’m back in town now, and I’d like to talk sometime if you’re open to it. No pressure—I just feel like there are a lot of things that were left unsaid between us. Take care!

Every time Jeongin read these words, a storm of emotions would churn within him. The initial formality of your greeting felt like a cold draft from a distant past, a stark contrast to the warmth that had once existed between you. The passage of time loomed large, a reminder of the endless stretch of days that had passed since your sudden disappearance. He was struck by a poignant blend of nostalgia and pain, the abruptness of your departure a constant reminder of how unfinished your story had been.

Your apology, though a balm of sorts, stirred a complicated mix of relief and frustration within him. On one hand, it acknowledged the hurt you had caused, but on the other, it left a multitude of unresolved questions hanging in the air. Why did you leave so suddenly? Why did you sever all contact? Jeongin understood that you were not in a good place and needed space, but that understanding did little to soothe the sting of abandonment he felt. The sense of being left in the dark, coupled with a profound sadness over his inability to help you, left him grappling with a blend of guilt and anger.

The mention of wanting to talk now jolted him, a surge of conflicting emotions rushing to the surface. He was torn between the desire to reconnect and the fear of reopening old wounds. The prospect of addressing the myriad of things left unsaid between you brought with it a flood of memories—regrets, unresolved issues, and a yearning for closure. Each re-reading of your message plunged him deeper into a whirlpool of complicated thoughts and emotions, the turbulence of his feelings both paralyzing and consuming.

Ultimately, Jeongin found himself unable to craft a suitable response, and so he chose silence. His decision not to reply was one shrouded in uncertainty, a choice that left him questioning whether it was the right one. The silence that followed was both a refuge and a torment, a delicate balance between preserving his own peace and the unresolved echo of your return.

The night of the party arrived under a canopy of crisp, clear sky, the stars shimmering with an almost mocking brilliance. Jeongin drifted through the evening like a specter, his senses overwhelmed by a world that seemed too bright, too noisy, and far too indifferent to his turmoil. His apartment, once a sanctuary, had become a chaotic jumble of discarded outfits—each one cast aside with a frustrated sigh and a sense of resignation. The fabric of his clothes lay strewn about like the remnants of a battle fought and lost against his own anxiety. Nothing felt right, and the more he tried, the more he was convinced that nothing ever would.

Eventually, he settled on a modest ensemble—simple, unobtrusive, and devoid of any hint of personal flair. As he dressed, he glanced at his reflection in the mirror, and what he saw was a stranger staring back—an image of confusion and trepidation. He attempted a smile, one that was supposed to be confident and reassuring, but it fell flat, a mere shadow of what he hoped to project. By the time he arrived at Chan's place, his nerves were a live wire, sparking and fizzing with every heartbeat.

The apartment, already abuzz with the lively hum of music and the warm murmur of laughter, was suffused with the rich, inviting aroma of a feast. Jeongin took a deep breath, steeling himself before stepping into the vibrant chaos. Felix, ever the beacon of warmth, was the first to greet him. His smile was a radiant crescent, eyes sparkling with the playful twinkle of a galaxy etched upon his cheeks and nose. Felix enveloped Jeongin in a tight, enthusiastic hug, and Jeongin could almost gauge the number of drinks Felix had indulged in by the exuberance of the embrace. As he disentangled himself from the fervent welcome, he was met with a slew of half-hidden concern and reassuring smiles that nearly suffocated him with their well-meaning pity.

He made his way to the kitchen, where the counter was a tableau of gifts—boxes and bags for Felix and Han piled high in cheerful disarray. Jeongin added his own contribution to the heap and then sought refuge in the cool solace of the fridge, pulling out a bottle of water to soothe his parched throat. But then, as if fate itself had conspired to make this night even more unbearable, you appeared in the kitchen doorway.

You had been laughing lightly, a melodic sound that seemed to dance on the air, but upon spotting Jeongin, you froze mid-step. The sight of you was like a flash of brilliance in an otherwise dim landscape. You looked as radiant as ever, with a glimmer of the light that had once illuminated your eyes returning to them—a light Jeongin had once lost himself in with reckless abandon. At that moment, the gravity of his own emotions hit him with a brutal clarity. Despite having ended the relationship, he realized with a heavy heart that he was still desperately, achingly in love with you. Even after nearly a year of separation, the feelings remain undiminished.

You slowly composed yourself, though your body remained taut with the remnants of surprise. The smile you gave him was both disarming and electrifying, sending a shiver through him. With a polite bow, you greeted him, your voice soft and warm as you said, “I’m really glad to see you again, Jeongin.” The way you spoke his name made his knees feel weak, the sheer depth of his longing crystallizing in that single, familiar sound. He had not fully grasped how much he had yearned to hear his name on your lips again until that very moment.

Unable to find words, Jeongin merely bowed in return, his smile shy and tremulous. He watched you turn and leave the kitchen with a hurried pace, your earlier purpose forgotten. The realization dawned on him that he might need more than just water to navigate the emotional maelstrom of the evening.

Chan's party was a sanctuary of familiarity, a gathering of a close-knit circle of friends who had weathered years together. The night had unfolded in a haze of laughter and lively banter, and now, as Jeongin found himself pleasantly intoxicated from the endless rounds of drinking games, he couldn't help but revel in the camaraderie that had once again enveloped the room. It felt undeniably comforting to have everyone gathered under one roof again, especially you.

The past year had cast a shadow over the group's dynamic, your absence an unspoken void that lingered between them, palpable despite the silence. Yet now, with your return, the room seemed to breathe with a renewed vitality. It was as though the very air had shifted, carrying with it a sense of ease that had been sorely missed. Jeongin observed you from a distance, his gaze drawn to you as you reengaged with the group. He noted with quiet awe how you moved through conversations with an effortless grace, the same grace that had once been your hallmark.

It was apparent that you had emerged from the clutches of your grief, a revelation that stirred a profound admiration within Jeongin. The way you laughed, genuinely and freely, was a testament to your resilience. Though you had left without a word, seeking solace far away, you had returned with a newfound lightness. The laughter that now danced from your lips was a melody Jeongin had missed, a balm for the aching absence that had haunted him throughout the past year.

Jeongin watched with a bittersweet smile as you engaged with everyone—how your eyes crinkled at the corners when joy sparked within you, how they would occasionally meet his gaze with a fleeting, shy acknowledgment before darting away, leaving behind a gentle blush. Each moment was a delicate brush stroke on the canvas of your reunion, painting a picture of someone who had found a way to heal and reconnect.

The sight of you dancing playfully with Han to a song you both claimed had been crafted just for you was particularly poignant. Your movements were a symphony of carefree delight, a stark contrast to the somber image Jeongin had harbored of you. In these shared, joyful moments, as you reintegrated into the tapestry of old friendships, Jeongin felt his heart tugged with an intensity that defied explanation.

Though the effects of alcohol swirled around him, amplifying emotions and blurring the edges of reality, Jeongin knew that the depth of his feelings for you transcended any inebriation. The love he harbored was as real and potent as ever, a force that no amount of alcohol could replicate or diminish. He was falling for you once more, each glance and shared laugh reaffirming the connection that had never truly faded, only waiting for the right moment to reawaken.

Despite the undeniable truth of his lingering affection for you, Jeongin remained uncertain of how to navigate these turbulent emotions. For now, he chose to keep his feelings veiled in silence, retreating into the solitude of his thoughts. The haze of confusion was abruptly dispelled by the firm, reassuring weight of Minho’s hand settling on his shoulder, grounding him in the present moment.

Minho, his eyes glazed with the soft blur of alcohol—though not nearly as intoxicated as Felix and Han—clapped his hands together, a signal for attention. His voice, amplified by cupped hands, cut through the ambient noise of music and conversation. "Guys! Guys!" he bellowed, drawing the attention of the increasingly inebriated crowd. The room fell into a collective hush, eager eyes fixed on Minho as he continued with a grin that spoke of mischief. "As per Yongbok’s request, we’re about to kick off a game of UNO! But there’s a twist: every time someone lands a Plus Four card, we all take a shot. And the loser—well, they get a revolting concoction of mixed alcohols and juices!"

The announcement ignited a burst of enthusiastic cheers, the crowd’s energy crackling with anticipation. Laughter and playful shoves accompanied the clumsy shuffle to the circular coffee table at the heart of the living room. Jeongin, with a flicker of hope in his heart, watched as you navigated the sea of friends. His wish to have you beside him was met with a hint of disappointment as you chose a seat directly across from him, nestled between Hyunjin and Seungmin.

The seating arrangement became a familiar circle of camaraderie and chaos: You directly across from Jeongin, Seungmin to your right, Chan to Seungmin’s right, Felix to Chan’s right, Jeongin to Felix’s right, Minho to Jeongin’s right, Han to Minho’s right, Changbin to Hyunjin’s right, and Hyunjin bridging the gap between you and Changbin. The table soon overflowed with the raucous sound of drunken laughter, mischievous plotting, and playful bickering.

Jeongin found himself in an unexpected streak of triumph, his luck seemingly endless as he conquered each round of UNO. The others began to whisper suspicions of cheating, their playful accusations accompanied by slurred speech and tipsy frustration. Chan’s voice, tinged with exasperation, rose above the din. "How is it even possible that you’ve been winning non-stop?" he demanded, his words distorted by a chorus of drinks and Seungmin’s relentless strategy.

Jeongin rolled his eyes, a gesture that had become almost automatic in the face of such claims. Han, who had just suffered the fate of the foul concoction, gagged dramatically as he placed the empty cup down with a groan. The room’s attention shifted to you as you slammed your palm onto the table, a spark of mischief lighting up your eyes. The gesture was a beacon of playful challenge, and it made Jeongin’s heart flutter unexpectedly.

"Stand up then, if you’re not cheating," you teased, your voice laced with both suspicion and amusement. The room buzzed with agreement, and Jeongin could not suppress the smile that tugged at his lips as he rose to his feet. He had sobered somewhat since the game began, the action feeling less consequential for him than for the others.

Throughout the night, the games were interspersed with moments of easy banter between you and Jeongin, a reminder of the lighthearted days before the heartache had set in. Each playful remark, every shared glance, and the way you laughed at his jokes tugged at him, rekindling memories of warmth and affection. The realization of how deeply he missed the feeling of being in love with you clenched his heart painfully.

As Jeongin turned around slowly to prove his hands were empty, he couldn’t resist a smirk. "You didn’t empty out your pockets," you persisted, your stubbornness both charming and exasperating.

He met your gaze with a playful smirk of his own, the words slipping out before he could fully process their impact. "Come on, baby, don’t be like that," he said, his tone teasing.

The room fell silent in stunned unison, the playful atmosphere abruptly shifting to one of surprise and second-hand embarrassment. The weight of Jeongin’s unintended endearment hung in the air, leaving everyone, including him, to grapple with the sudden shift in the night’s delicate balance.

Jeongin’s heart sank as he watched the color drain from your face, a pallor of shock and disbelief that spoke volumes in the charged silence that followed. The name he had unintentionally let slip—a relic of a time when you were together—seemed to strike a chord deep within you. For a fleeting moment, your eyes revealed a heartache that cut through the pretense of composure you so desperately tried to maintain. The expression of hurt was almost palpable, like a silent scream against the fabric of the night.

You managed to reassemble yourself with a stubborn facade of mischief, your smile a delicate mask that barely concealed the storm within. Your words, though laced with playful banter, seemed to cut through the tension with a sharp edge. "I just think it's unnatural how many times you’ve won," you remarked with a smirk that didn’t quite reach your eyes.

Jeongin’s slip-up hung in the air, a tangible weight that seemed to sour the atmosphere of the gathering. Despite your attempt to downplay the incident with a light-hearted quip, the sting of the old nickname echoed like a ghost of past intimacy, making the room feel suddenly foreign and strained. The previously buoyant mood had shifted, leaving behind an undercurrent of unease that neither the laughter nor the playful jabs could dispel.

Jeongin could feel the churning turmoil within him, his heart pounding relentlessly in his chest. The game continued around him, but he found himself withdrawing, purposefully avoiding your gaze. Each stolen glance, each forced smile, was a reminder of the painful reminder of how things had changed. The night, which had started with such promise, now felt heavy and laden with unresolved emotions.

As the hour grew late and the laughter waned, the group, sensing the shift in energy, collectively decided it was time to call it a night. The revelry that had marked the evening dissolved into a subdued murmur as everyone prepared to leave. For Jeongin, the end of the night came as a relief, though it was tinged with a sense of lingering regret and an unspoken wish for things to be different.

As Jeongin made his way through the dimly lit apartment, exchanging farewells with the departing guests, he caught a fleeting glimpse of you darting out of the building. His heart, already heavy with a tumultuous mix of emotions, quickened its pace as he instinctively sought to follow. With an urgency driven by both concern and an aching need to make things right, Jeongin scrambled to retrieve his jacket and pull on his shoes, the night air already beginning to bite at his skin as he hurried after you.

He managed to intercept you just as you stepped out onto the cold street. Your name slipped from his lips before he could catch it, a desperate utterance that hung in the frosty air between you. You paused, your breath visible in the night’s chill, and both of you stood there for a moment, hearts racing in unison. Jeongin's breath came in ragged bursts as he caught up with you, the weight of his impulsive actions settling heavily on his shoulders.

“Let me walk you home,” Jeongin implored, his voice trembling slightly with a mixture of anxiety and hope. The words, simple yet laden with his longing, seemed to hang in the air, as though the night itself held its breath in anticipation of your response. Your eyes softened, reflecting a tempest of emotions as they met his, and your lips parted slightly as if struggling to find the right words.

Instead of speaking, you turned and began walking forward, your steps deliberate yet hesitant. Jeongin, interpreting your silence as tacit consent, fell into step beside you. The street stretched out before you, unfamiliar and shadowed, and the air between you was charged with unspoken sentiments and lingering regrets. Walking side by side felt oddly reminiscent of days gone by, a bittersweet echo of times shared with friends, now tinged with the ache of what had been lost.

In the week since Jeongin learned of your return, he had been trapped in a cycle of conflicting emotions. The pangs of missing you, of realizing the depth of his feelings that still burned despite everything, battled with the frustration of your unexplained departure. Each time anger threatened to overwhelm him, guilt swiftly followed, a reminder of the suffering you must have endured. His internal struggle was a storm of longing and resentment, a turbulent sea he had yet to navigate.

As he stole glances at your profile in the dim streetlight, the familiar contours of your face brought an unexpected rush of grief. Memories of your younger sister, Nari, flooded his mind—her laughter, a joyful sound that once filled the air, her enthusiastic embraces that had always greeted him with warmth. Your eyes, once so bright with shared mirth, now seemed dimmed by her absence.

The realization that Nari would never again tackle him in playful greeting, that her laughter would never again ring out, was a heavy burden. It pressed down on Jeongin’s heart, a reminder of the irreplaceable void left behind. The twinkle that once danced in your eyes when you laughed at Nari's jokes was now a distant memory, a reminder of how deeply her loss had affected both of you. As you walked together through the unfamiliar streets, the weight of these lost joys seemed to bear down on Jeongin, making each step feel heavier than the last.

Engulfed in the whirlpool of his own somber reflections, Jeongin barely noticed when you came to a halt before an old, weathered apartment building. Absorbed in his tumultuous thoughts, he continued forward for a few steps, his mind adrift in a sea of regret and longing. It was only when the melodic sound of your giggle reached his ears, a playful echo that cut through the fog of his melancholy, that he realized he was walking alone. With a start, he turned, his face flushing with a sheepish smile as he moved to stand before you.

You were standing there, your knuckles clenched tightly around the strap of your bag, a telltale sign of the anxiety simmering beneath the surface. Your lips were caught between your teeth, a nervous habit that Jeongin had come to know all too well. The sight of your distress mirrored his own internal turmoil, causing his foot to tap restlessly on the pavement as he waited for you to speak. The tension in the air was palpable, a heavy shroud that seemed to settle between you.

After a few moments of strained silence, you released a shaky breath and offered him a small, timid smile. "It was good to see you again," you said softly, the words tinged with a trace of the anxiety that laced your voice. It was the same sentiment you had voiced earlier in the night, when you had first reappeared in Chan's kitchen after an eight-month absence.

This time, Jeongin’s response came with a gravity that reflected the depth of your absence. "I’m glad you came back," he said, his voice carrying the weight of the months spent apart, yet softened by a flicker of genuine contentment.

Your smile, though hesitant, shone brightly against the backdrop of the night. It was a beacon that pierced through the haze of Jeongin’s heartache, and despite the unresolved tension, he couldn’t help but return it with a warm, albeit uncertain, smile of his own. The air between you crackled with the weight of unspoken words and unresolved feelings, a delicate balance between the urge to bridge the gap and the inability to articulate the depth of your emotions.

As you cast an awkward glance back at the entrance of your apartment, Jeongin understood that you were grappling with the same indecision that plagued him. "This is me," you said, your voice betraying a trace of nervousness as you cleared your throat. "My place is a bit of a distance from our—sorry, your apartment. If you’re comfortable, I can offer you my couch for the night."

Despite the initial reluctance that had gripped him, the prospect of spending more time with you, however fleeting, was too inviting to resist. Jeongin found himself smiling softly, a gesture of acceptance that was both hesitant and heartfelt. Your genuine, wide smile in response seemed to illuminate the night, lifting the veil of uncertainty that had surrounded him. With a renewed sense of hope and a lingering trace of longing, Jeongin followed you inside, each step towards your apartment a tentative step towards mending the fragile thread that connected your hearts.

✦•······················•✦•······················•✦

Your new apartment, though modest in size, exudes a quiet charm, nestled in a serene part of town far removed from the familiar streets you once traversed with Jeongin. The moment he crosses the threshold, he is enveloped by a dissonance of emotions—a strange fusion of comfort and estrangement. The space is distinctly different from the apartment you once shared, yet your presence lingers in every corner, making Jeongin feel both intimately connected and like an outsider peering into a world that has shifted just out of reach.

The living room, modestly furnished, reflects a minimalist elegance. A soft, neutral-colored couch rests against the wall, draped with a knitted throw blanket that adds a touch of warmth. This room is a far cry from the eclectic mix of your past home—a space once filled with a vibrant blend of your belongings and his—but it still bears the subtle imprint of your personality. A small shelf brims with books, many titles familiar from your old collection, but new ones have also appeared, whispering of the changes and growth you’ve experienced in your absence. The windowsill cradles a few houseplants, their greenery a delicate contrast to the sprawling flora that once filled your old living space. They are smaller, more contained, reflecting a more subdued chapter of your life.

Jeongin’s gaze drifts to the walls, bare and unadorned, stark in their emptiness. Gone are the framed photos and art prints that once animated every corner of your shared apartment. The absence of pictures—particularly those of the two of you—leaves an unexpected sting, a painful reminder of what has been left behind. Instead, there is a single framed photograph of your younger sister on a side table by the window, surrounded by a cluster of candles. It stands as a quiet tribute, a poignant memorial that tugs at Jeongin’s heartstrings, reminding him of the grief that ultimately drove a wedge between you both.

The apartment is imbued with a subdued quietness, a stark contrast to the lively energy of your former home, where laughter and soft music once intertwined to create a vibrant ambiance. Here, the atmosphere is more solitary, introspective, as if the space has been intentionally crafted as a sanctuary for healing—a refuge from the chaos of the past. A small kitchen table, cluttered with a few empty glasses and a half-read book, suggests many solitary evenings spent with your thoughts, lost in the pages or gazing into the distance, ensnared by memories.

The kitchen itself bears no evidence of the late-night culinary adventures you used to drag him into, those joyous moments of laughter and flour-covered countertops. As Jeongin takes in the scene, he is overwhelmed by a complex weave of emotions—nostalgia for what was, sorrow for what has been lost, and a poignant ache for the version of you who now stands before him. The differences are striking, revealing a careful, deliberate solitude you’ve constructed around yourself in this new space. It feels as though you’ve created a bubble of tranquility, a place where you can breathe freely from the weight of the past, and he wonders if there is still a place for him within it or if you have moved on to a new chapter without him.

The emptiness of your new apartment weighs heavily on him. It’s not merely the physical void but the absence of the vibrant, unfiltered you that he used to know. Standing there, a guest in what might have been his world, Jeongin is acutely aware of how much has changed and how deeply he still yearns for the comfort of what once was, now replaced by the stark reality of what is.

As Jeongin steps into your new apartment, he takes in its subtle details with a blend of curiosity and nostalgia. You move about with a quiet, almost anxious energy, as if the mere act of tidying is a way to manage the fluttering tension between you. Your hands, unsure of their purpose, engage in small, inconsequential tasks: smoothing the corner of the knitted blanket draped over the couch, adjusting the book that rests on the kitchen table, and shifting a houseplant slightly to the left. It is evident that you are aware of his gaze, but you strive to give him space to absorb his surroundings.

The silence stretches until you break it, your voice soft yet resolute. "It's not much, but... it's mine." There’s a delicate balance in your tone, a mixture of pride laced with vulnerability. You glance at him, seeking to gauge his reaction, your eyes reflecting a world of untold emotions. As you move towards the small kitchen area, you open a cabinet and retrieve two glasses. "Do you want some water? Tea? I think I have some wine if you'd prefer that." Your words tumble out in a gentle stream, an attempt to fill the quiet with something tangible, yet they carry an earnestness that reveals your underlying uncertainty about where you both stand.

Jeongin watches you, his gaze softening as he observes the careful grace of your movements—each gesture imbued with a quiet protectiveness, as if you're safeguarding something tender within yourself. The silence deepens for a moment before he responds, his voice subdued and tentative. "Water's fine." It is clear that he is navigating this new terrain with caution, his tone reflective of the delicate balance between past familiarity and present distance. You nod and move towards the fridge, your back turned to him as you pour the water.

Jeongin’s eyes wander around the apartment once more, deliberately avoiding the back of your head as you focus on the task at hand. When you hand him the glass, your fingers brush against his, sending a shiver through him. It’s a sensation he’s not quite accustomed to after all this time apart. He accepts the glass with a quiet "thanks," savoring the cool water as it soothes his dry throat. 

"Let’s sit," you suggest, motioning towards the couch. There is a steadiness in your voice that carries a quiet confidence, reminiscent of the times you had managed to ground him amidst the chaos. Jeongin follows you and settles beside you on the couch. The cushions feel foreign and different from those he remembers, amplifying his sense of longing for the comfort of the home you once shared. 

For a brief moment, Jeongin is at a loss for words, overwhelmed by the tangled emotions in his chest. He is unsure where to begin, but you gently ease the tension. "How’s work been?" you inquire, your voice a soothing balm to the heaviness in the room. "Are you still at the same clinic?" 

Grateful for the opening, Jeongin nods. "Yeah, still there. We started a new program recently... working with kids who've been through some really tough stuff. It’s been challenging, but rewarding." He watches as your eyes soften, a sign of the empathy and kindness he’s always admired in you. The sight of your genuine smile, the one he’s missed so dearly, is like a balm on a wound that has long ached. 

"That sounds so nice. You've always been so good with children." Your compliment is heartfelt, and Jeongin feels a pang of longing.

He responds with a light-hearted joke, "That’s more your area of expertise," referring to your work as a school counselor. You chuckle softly, taking a sip of water, and Jeongin senses there’s more you wish to share.

"And... what about everything else? How have you been holding up?" Your question is gentle but probing, and Jeongin’s grip tightens around his glass.

"It’s been... different," he admits. "The apartment feels empty without you there. Like something’s missing."

Jeongin hadn't intended for his words to emerge with such raw intensity, but they tumble out before he can rein them in. He watches as they land upon you, the way your gaze falls and a shadow of sorrow flits across your face. "I'm sorry," you murmur, the words almost lost in the quiet of the room. "For leaving like that. I didn’t know what else to do."

Your apology strikes a chord deep within him, a resonance of shared pain and regret. "I know," he replies softly, his voice carrying the weight of understanding. "I don’t really blame you. We both had to figure things out." The atmosphere between you shifts, the earlier tension giving way to something more tender—like an old wound beginning to mend. 

Jeongin sits beside you on the couch, his nerves stretched taut, a wire humming with unspoken words. His hands are clenched in his lap, a desperate attempt to hold himself together as the silence stretches, thick and heavy. His gaze is drawn to you, to the way you hold your glass of water—fingers wrapped around it as if it were a lifeline, anchoring you to some semblance of normalcy. 

He recognizes that look in your eyes—the one that signals you are about to reveal something profound, something that has been weighing on you. "When I left," you start, your voice so faint it nearly dissolves into the air. Jeongin’s breath catches in his throat. He had no clear expectations for the evening, but he can feel that whatever is coming will be laced with pain.

"I didn’t really have a plan," you continue, your voice trembling with the weight of your confession. "I just... needed to get away." He watches as your eyes drift to the water in your glass, your reflection shimmering and distorted. The impulse to reach out and offer comfort is almost overwhelming, but he remains still, his focus entirely on you.

"I ended up halfway across the country," you say, your voice gaining a faint thread of strength. "I reached out to Lily. You remember her, right? From college?" Jeongin nods, a wistful smile tugging at his lips despite the ache in his chest. He recalls Lily’s vivacious spirit, her constant care for you, and feels a pang of gratitude that she was there for you in a way he couldn't be.

"She didn’t ask questions; she just told me to come," you add. Jeongin’s heart clenches at the image of you in a strange, distant place, the weight of your grief looming like an oppressive storm. He loathes the thought of you feeling so alone and adrift, needing to travel so far for solace.

"She lives in this tiny coastal town," you continue, your voice lightening slightly as you recall the memory. "For a while, I thought maybe that was what I needed—being somewhere far away from everything." Jeongin can almost visualize it—a serene seaside town where the waves gently erase footprints, a place where time seems to stretch indefinitely, offering a balm for the wounded soul.

Yet, beneath the surface of your words, Jeongin senses an undercurrent of dissatisfaction. The coastal retreat, while soothing, evidently fell short of the healing you sought. His heart aches, burdened by the realization that he wasn’t able to provide the support you needed, even as he too was grappling with his own struggles. The distance between your shared past and the present feels vast, and he yearns for a way to bridge that gap, to be the anchor you needed, even though he was floundering himself.

You pause, and Jeongin watches as you swallow hard, the movement of your throat a testament to the weight of your words. "I eventually realized that it wasn't enough," you say, your voice trembling with the effort to hold back tears. "I needed more help. So, I checked myself into a grief recovery program..." The words falter, and Jeongin feels a tightening in his chest, the emotion reflected in your wavering tone. "A place where people go when they've lost someone and don't know how to keep living."

He stares at you, his vision blurring as he grapples with the magnitude of your suffering. He's known grief, but seeing it through your eyes—so raw, so utterly consuming—is a new experience for him. Guilt crashes over him like a relentless wave. He wasn't there for you. He couldn't help. He didn't even know how to begin.

Jeongin opens his mouth, an apology poised on his lips, but you continue, your voice cutting through the silence with a quiet determination. "There were days I wanted to leave, but I stayed. I wrote a lot. I planted a small garden there, just to feel like I was nurturing something again, you know? And slowly, I started to remember things without feeling like they were completely breaking me."

His hands tremble in his lap, the truth of your words stirring a deep regret within him. He should be happy that you found a way forward, relieved that you began to heal, but instead, he is overwhelmed by the ache of not being there for you—by the realization that he had abandoned you when you needed him most. His eyes search yours, desperate for some sign that you don’t harbor hatred towards him.

"I can't imagine what that must've been like," he finally manages, his voice thick with emotion. "I'm sorry... I'm sorry I ended things when you needed me. I didn’t know how to help you through it, and I—"

You shake your head, a wistful smile curving your lips. "I didn’t know how to let you help me, either. And I wasn’t ready to accept Nari’s death and move on yet. That’s why I left." Your words settle into the spaces between his ribs, a cold weight pressing heavily on his chest. He wants to explain, to tell you that he was lost too, that he struggled to keep his own head above water while watching you drown. But he stays silent, knowing that this moment belongs to you, just as much as it does to him.

"I needed to find a way to live with the grief," you say softly, "to not let it define every part of me. And maybe I needed to see if I could come back and face everything, including you."

Jeongin’s heart skips at that, a flicker of hope igniting within him. There is a softness in your eyes that he hasn't seen in so long, a hint of something that almost resembles hope. He takes a breath, feeling a slight loosening of the weight of his own regrets. "I'm glad you did," he murmurs, his voice barely above a whisper. "I missed you—missed this, even if it wasn’t always easy."

You nod, and he sees a myriad of emotions dance across your face—relief, uncertainty, and perhaps the faintest trace of affection. There is much to unpack, many layers to explore, but for now, this moment of quiet honesty, of shared pain and cautious hope, feels like a tentative step towards understanding.

Jeongin notices his hand is closer to yours than he had realized, and for a fleeting moment, he wonders what it would be like to reach out, to touch your skin once more. But he doesn’t. Not yet. For now, he is content to sit beside you, to listen, and to cherish the hope that this—whatever it is—might be the beginning of finding each other again.

꒰ 🏷️ ꒱ ミ Permanent taglist: @agi-ppangx @sunnyrisee @jisunglyricist @nxtt2-u @nebugalaxy @bokk-minnie @tajannah-price1 @lixies-favorite-cookie @madewithchildlabor (Click on the link to join! All you have to do is answer a few questions to help me stay organized!)

꒰ 🏷️ ꒱ ミ Post taglist: @stascence @xxdwaekkaxx @raspberrii @joyofbebbanburg @drewsandsebastianswife @minholover1 @vangoghsear0 @theodorenottgf @chanshyunjin @cafffeineconnoisseur @villainstayy @qwonyoung23 @fawnoverdawn @sofix-hc7 @softkisshyunjin @anushasstuff

🍉 FROM THE RIVER TO THE SEA, PALESTINE WILL BE FREE! DAILY CLICKS!

hi i’ve really enjoyed reading your work 🤗 can i make a request?

exes to lovers w/ jeongin where reader & him still try to have a good relationship & hang out w each other for the sake of their friend group but he kind of screws up by accidentally calling reader their pet name from when they were together?

(even better if it’s extra angsty🙂‍↕️)

Hey! Thank you so much for the request! I’m sorry it took me a hot minute to get it done, but I hope the length makes up for it 🥹 Please feel free to request again! ── ( 𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐲 𝐤𝐢𝐝𝐬 )

────* ˚ ✦ ECHOES OF US

( 𝐠𝐮𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐬 ) ( 𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 & 𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐬 ) ( 𝐫𝐞𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 ) ( 𝐥𝐢𝐛𝐫𝐚𝐫𝐲 ) 12.6K

“I’m going to take care of you, okay?” - I.N

find more content here: stray kids masterlist ↬ summary: the maknae is stressed out because you’re stressed out ↬ tags: idol! stray kids, idol! jeongin, student! + gn! reader, mentions of other skz members, nosebleeds! (but not too gory), awkward! jeongin (he’s cute like akjshkajs) ↬ word count: 768 words

For a good one to two hours, different songs would be playing and Stray Kids would take their time to perfect their choreography, while you completed your homework and tuition worksheets at one corner of the room. “Let’s take a break.” Chan switched off the music. Was it too cold? He heard you sneezing multiple times and chewed on his bottom lip.

You sniffled. “Take my jacket. You can’t fall sick on my watch.” Jeongin draped his school coat around you. “Awh, this is so sweet. My heart can’t take it!” Jisung squealed and held onto Changbin. You reached out to grab the last sheet of tissue paper. Your nose tingled and you immediately placed the tissue over it. That sensation went away and you were hit with that all familiar sense of dizziness.

“Oh no.” You muttered and Jeongin went into panic mode, “A-are you okay? What’s wrong?” You removed the tissue paper and everyone in the room gasped. “B-blood!” Seungmin had shoved a wad of tissues into your hand, “Jeongin-ya, you should follow her to the toilet.”

Your nose was bleeding profusely and sucked in a deep breath, tilting your head down. The practice room was so silent and all you could hear was the sound of your heavy breathing. You stood up and stumbled, but Jeongin caught you. “I’m sorry.” You finally regained your balance and Chan shook his head, “You don’t have to be sorry. Go on and clean up.” Jeongin led you out of the dance room.

He had his arms hooked around your waist and was supporting you. You glanced at his worried face and gave a little giggle, “Jeongz, it’s okay! I’ve experienced this countless times—” “—you mean every time when there’s a test coming up?” You nodded sheepishly and Jeongin made a right turn.

He handed you more tissues and you let a small sneeze escape you. “Am I still bleeding?” Your hands flew to your face and true enough, you felt blood running down your nose and on to your shirt. You bit back a groan and Jeongin held your non-bloody hand, “I’m going to take care of you, okay?” He quickly opened the door of the handicapped toilet and you leaned over, the blood staining the porcelain white sink. You swiftly washed your nose and you giggled when you saw a wide-eyed Jeongin staring back at you, only to cough because your nose was blocked.

“I told you I’ll take care of you, right? Come here.” Jeongin pushed you to sit on the toilet lid and he gently dabbed your face. “I-I can do it by myself.” You blushed as he cupped your face, leaning in close. He gave a little pout, “I didn’t think you would be so stressed. This is the fourth nosebleed in three days!” “I didn’t want to bother you...I didn’t know that the stress would have built up to such an extent.” Jeongin’s hands were still on your face, his index finger stroking your cheeks.

“Next time, confide in me okay? You can text me.” Jeongin bopped your nose, cheekily grinning. He disposed of the tissue papers and looked at your bloody t-shirt. He tugged his pullover off him, “Here, put this on. Otherwise you would look like you got stabbed.” You held the soft yellow pullover in your hand and looked up at him. He stared back at you and your face heated up again, “Can you turn around?” “O-oh, yeah!” He swivelled on his feet and awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck. He stood by the door and you poked his side, “Thanks for this. For everything.”

“Anything for you. Also, you can keep the pullover.” Jeongin chewed the inside of his mouth to stop himself from giggling at how adorable you look. “You sure you won’t be cold?” “Nah, I have my padded coat. And I’m pretty sure my locker has another spare hoodie. Don’t worry.” He saw you rub your nose and froze for a second. “What is it? Another nosebleed—”

“—just kidding. You’re cute when you worry about me.” You got on your tiptoes and kissed him on the lips. “They should be coming back. I wonder what is taking them...so long.” Jisung paused as he swung the door open. “Yup. They are back! I’m going to pretend nothing happened.” Jisung told Jeongin and you hid your face in his chest.

“They like to tease me a lot, you know. I’ll always be here to take care of you, okay?” He hugged you, patting your head.

“Mhm. But that was so embarrassing!”

“But you’re cute! So cute!”

stray kidz + sensory overloaded! reader

↖ navigation: stray kids masterlist || main masterlist

pairing: skz x gn! reader

↬ tags: sensory overload/ being overwhelmed by sensory irritants 

↬ word count: 1.2k words

a/n: i don’t experience the full spectrum, but i relate the most to being overstimulated by touch & light (e.g. when wearing wrong socks, sleeping with certain bed linen, having the lights too bright etc) ,, i am not very knowledgeable on the FULL extent of sensory overload so if you’re curious you can always search it up !

↳ chan + sound 

chan had always thought you were a little on the antisocial side at first: your headphones were always on you and you never really seemed to like being in groups of more than 2-3 people

until he found out: you weren’t actually playing any music in your headphones—it was there for a buffer—because it could get loud at times and you were really uncomfortable with that much noise bombarding your senses 

since then he’d be absolutely gentle around you ,, while he’s an ENFP by nature he’d make sure to tone it down around you

would ask you what you had done previously in similar situations so that he could do the same, if not better for you

has curated a music playlist just for you 

↳ minho + light

minho had always assumed you were clingy by nature ,, somehow grabbing onto him whilst he leads you around 

until one day when the sun was simply high up in the sky and you had begged him to cancel the date to the beach with tears in your eyes

was actually scared like ?? what did he do ?? + when you had finally revealed to him about your sensory overload it clicked: all the times you squinted in the sun and thus holding onto him because it was THAT hard to see, having many pairs of sunglasses (poor boy thought it was accessories) 

from then he’d make sure that he would hold you tight especially in bright areas + it’s a good way to have dates in the late evening  

has an extra pair of sunglasses/ plenty of hats for you (and he thinks you rock them too)

↳ changbin + touch/ feel

changbin occasionally teases you for having shirts of similar/ same texture and you joke along with him (or anyone else) 

when changbin had given you a new shirt and petulantly wanted you to wear it, you were torn between keeping your current top on, or finding an excuse because you hated anything else that wasn’t that specific texture

but you had went with wearing his gift—changbin then noticed how uncomfortable you were: constantly rubbing your upper arms, adjusting the shirt 

you finally had enough of the shirt and had bashfully told him that the gift was nice but you didn’t want it + cue you explaining to a confused changbin why

has gotten your favourite brands/ of similar texture to match you (and so he could see you wear HIS clothing)

↳ jisung + sound

jisung might notice you flinching at very sudden and loud noises but didn’t think too much about it

until there were some mini sparkler-fireworks being set off nearby the two of you that caused you to jump (quite literally) into his lap while you two were out on a date

like minho he was worried like: did it actually scare you this much but would cover your ears, whispering sweet nothings into your ear (okay if you had a smaller frame GOOD because his beautiful body would shield you from anything)

had to clarify if it was a phobia or something else and when you had explained he would do thorough research + learn to take in your social cues when you had wanted out in certain situations

had purchased a good quality headphone set just for you

↳ hyunjin + touch 

(i feel like) hyunjin has an inkling that you were not letting on, but won’t push: in a way he knows that you hadn’t like people touching you

but when he finally saw (someone had lightly brushed past you and you ticked, gripping onto him for dear life) for himself, he blurted out the question that has been weighing heavily on his mind  

you had tried your best to explained what it was to you: deep, firm pressure was okay, but brief touches that left residual sensations were a big no-no for you 

you had also thanked him for asking (now it’s hyunjin’s turn to blush) and for being understanding [but you see even if you two didn’t hold hands, hyunjin would appreciate you for who you were, pda or not]

had now made it a point to ask you for permission before giving you big bear hugs

↳ felix + light

i think straight-up from when felix visited your house, he’d have seen that it was dim, yet bright enough just so you can still see what’s around you 

just as he was about to switch on the light you had vehemently stopped him, felix would just go “isn’t it a little dark, that isn’t good for your eyes” 

in the end you’d compromise with a small glow lamp, which was effectively affecting you either ways as you revealed about how having too much light elicited a counter productive fight-flight-freeze reflex 

but what felix was caught unaware of was that for him you were willing just to leave a few more lamps on (for this bright sunshine i think i would try my best to tolerate until i can’t) 

he’d make it clear that if you were uncomfortable he could switch of the lamps too + made sure to observe you for cues if you were about to breakdown 

has littered your room with glow lamps/ dim fairy lights so that whenever he could hang out with you it would still be just as romantic/ cuddly (wtfosdkfsd i want a felix too)

↳ seungmin + sound (as a seungmin stan, i would love for him to hold me-)

seungmin (as your desk partner: let’s imagine that) was gentle by nature, so talking to him wasn’t half that bad; but on days classmates hovered round your table, seungmin would realize that you’d excuse yourself hurriedly, earbuds in your hands as you exit the classroom 

he had a (sadly wrong) hunch that you didn’t like crowds; then fast forward to your graduation, seungmin was by you when a huge hoard of classmates congratulated you for doing the highest in class (oh how i wish) that you started getting panicky, eyes darting everywhere while giving half-hearted replies 

you had dashed out mid-question and seungmin ran out after you, finding you hidden in the utility room far away from the graduating classes: he had no idea what to do other than to hold you and shield you from any curious by-lookers 

when he had asked what’s wrong, you had told him in tears about your sensory overload and how the noise from everyone had rubbed off you the wrong way and you didn’t want to breakdown in front of them

(i love seungmin, sorry not sorry~) would take note of this + is the perfect excuse for dates in the library or museum 

↳ jeongin + touch 

while jeongin had a habit of touching everything he sees, you were the opposite: opting to keep your hands to yourself, or in a pocket 

i think it would catch baby jeongin by surprise when you had touched his bed linen (the first time you slept over) and visibly recoiled, as if you had touched something burning 

“is there something wrong with my bedsheet...?” “it’s...the wrong feel...”

would be an absolute sweetheart and sleep on the floor with you if he couldn’t find a spare bedsheet (with the right texture)

in the dark, you told him about what your likes and dislikes when it came to textures and thank heavens jeongin was curious rather than put off and had agreed with you on some cloth feel 

has now become aware of what he buys (or even gets the brands you like) so he could hug/ hold you without making you anxious because of the feel 

@ppumeonae-bigvibe​ ‘s work ; likes and reblogs are appreciated

Going friends to lovers with the SKZ

STRAY KIDS X READER

A/n: Check out my Hyunjin fic: Renascence . Part 1 is up already.

Bangchan

Being Chan's friend, like a real close friend is a treat. Being with him through thick and thin, even through his emo phase was something. The moment you step foot in Korea he'll rush to meet you and have you meet the rest of the SKZ. Even they would immediately love you, clinging to you "NOONA! NOONA!". Bangchan couldn't help but feel a bit jealous though when Changbin would sit a bit closer to you or you would pay more attention to him than Chan. I bet he'd have a deep thinking with Minho as to why he feels this when they come to a conclusion that he likes you. And everything would start to make more meaning.

Going from friends to lovers with Chan would be smooth because Chan is in general such an affectionate person. But, the hugs would be more random featuring kisses. There would be lots of them. Like, imagine just sitting and talking to Hyunjin about your favourite cafe and you hear squealing and a body dumped on you. Yes it's your adorable boyfriend and he'd talk to you in his baby voice and accent.

Minho

You've been his friend for a long time, since he was in Big hits, it was natural that someone or both would fall eventually. He would however keep it hidden. You would know very well that his tsundere act was just an act, he was a real softy from within even though he liked to show otherwise. But as days go by his feelings get stronger and stronger until one day he'll simply walk up to you and say "lets date". He did that before even realising but he took a deep sigh when you started to smile and said "After all these years you ask me out like this? Lee Minho!”

You both would be awkward at first, you'll have to slowly wait till the point he gets openly soft in front of you shocking everyone and at times you as well. Like how after a long day he naturally walks in a room to find you and cling to you. Or how he loves feeding you when he's eating even though you have told him you're not hungry. But he never backs down to glare if any member dares to tease him.

Changbin

Binnie is a sweetheart in general. Being really good friends with him would involve LOTS and LOTS of teasing and pranks. The two of you would always be at each other's throats yet you can't stay without each other. He would secretly be whipped for you and he'd tease you because he loved to annoy you and get your attention? Childish? Ik. He loves to annoy you but god forbid if someone else gets you upset, he'd beat the shit out of them. He loves to such an extent that caring for you and annoying you comes hand in hand as second nature for him. He'd probably be whining to someone about how cute you looked and how he just falls more and more for you and you'd overhear it only to jump on his back and hug him and say that you like him too.

Being his lover is almost similar but it involves him flirting shamelessly with you. Openly asking for kisses and whining when you don't. Chan and Jisung would call you up if he gets upset or when he would be over working himself. You would always be in his mind rent free. He would probably invite you to the gym to show off and tease you.

Jisung

This goof ball is an adorable friend. Always being the best boy and trying to cheer everyone up. He would probably realise that he's in love with you when he sees you upset and probably crying onetime. That urge of his to annihilate any cause of your sadness. He'd do whatever he can to restore your happy face and know in his heart that he'd do this everyday if required because he loves you. He didn't even plan to confess, he couldn't, even the thought got him all jittery. But you thought he did that because he loved you as he loved his members. So after seeing the two of you pining for each other Lee Know would finally lock the two of you up in a room. "I wont let you out until you both confess". And that was the push "I like you" the two of you blurted out at the same time.

Relationship with Jisung would be just like the saying "never a dull moment". But, he'd be more open to you, he'd let himself be vulnerable around you. He'd trust that you'd catch him if he falls, just like his members. He'd make you laugh and literally would never let you go to sleep upset, even if it was for a fight between you two. Lots of talking, you two would literally not stop. The members would call you if he suddenly gets anxious as even your voice calms him down.

Hyunjin

Having the leader of paboracha as your best friend and crush is difficult. He'd be in denial for years as he was sure you see him only as a friend. Not your fault if he would not get it even after you've dropped numerous hints. Well, he thought you said "I'd surely love to date Hyunjin" during truth and dare because you found him a great friend. So when he took a dare and the members made you kiss and he liked it a bit too much he'd start avoiding you. To point where if he'd see you walking from a direction he'd either hide or walk toward the other way. But when you caught him "HYUNJIN?! WHY ARE YOU AVOIDING ME?" You'd ask. "I am not" he'd reply without even looking at you. No matter what you'd say he would not look at you and say that he "could not" look at you. So you did it, you grabbed him by his neck and pecked his lips. The smile he gave was priceless.

You will always find another body beside you or clinging to you. He loves you dearly and really misses you when you're not there in front of him. He loves it when you bring him americano. Watching him dance would be your favourite hobby, it was before too but now it would include little makeout sessions in the middle, to a level Lee Know threatened to stuff his face with tissues.

Felix

Your personal brand of sunshine. You were always the one to help him face his convictions and insecurities and he loved you for that. Somewhere between a friendly hug and a kiss on the cheek he fell for you. He couldn't help but show more and more affection towards you. Be it hugging you more or saving you extra brownies and cookies when he bakes. But he will be very careful and a set plan to not confess because he thinks you'll never see him that way, never knowing you've been pining for him as much as him for you. Until one day you wont be able to take it and just say "You know what? I really like you" he would almost tear up and kiss you instantly.

Dating felix? Loads of hugs and kisses, that's his love language afterall. He'd just squeal and hug you, seeing you after a long day. He'd love to tease you though, using his deep voice to whisper in your ears giving you goosebumps. He'd love to get you coffee/tea even though ge doesn't like them. He's a literal sunshine and if he ever sees you sad or upset even if it's for him, he'll cry too. He'd help you go through anything literally. He'd also give loving nicknames, he knows his accent and voice is your weakness and he'd use it very well on you.

Seungmin

He is a literal smartass, too smart for your own good. He'll sneakily hide his crush on you, acting very normal. He'd know all about you including your crush on him. He'd flirt very smoothly, so smooth that even you'd have no idea when you gave up the information that you liked him very much. Flirting with you would actually be one of his hobbies, watching you get wide eyed and blushy, he found you endearing. It would be a secret but Seungmin would even let you hug him if you wanted to. You'd often help him in saving him from Hyunjin and Lee know attack of affection, not Chan's though, that's cute. He'd simply corner you and confuse you one day and then end up saying "I love you too, you pabo" and kiss your forehead.

Dating Seungmin is so entertaining especially seeing him have things sorted. A lot of dates especially those quiet ones where the two of you just sit together doing your own thing with a conversation or two from time to time. He knows what the two of you have is special and he would cherish you. Always make sure you're okay, you're comfortable. He'd have huge schemes of getting you to cool if you ever get upset because of him.

Jeongin

The two of you are literally the group's babies. Bangchan has adopted you and Minho has declared you to be his favourite child. Jeongin is a sweetheart and he'd always take care of you as you do the same. He always considered the constant urge to be with you or protect you to be platonic only to find his heart fluttering every time you look at him. "Hyung! I think I'm sick" he'll tell Felix and explain his "sickness". "No Innie, you're in love!" Felix said, and Jeongin went wide eyed. He'll then smile to himself and just get lost in you. At times he felt as if you were all he needed. Him pining for you got more intense and it was getting out of hand for the hyungs to see their maknae simping. So, they coax and force him to tell you because they knew, you had been pining for him too.

Being Jeongin's lover is actually a group activity as it includes the hyungs constantly cooing at the two of you even if your doing something as simple as holding hands. He had a habit of grabbing your hand and putting it inside his pocket together with his. Many a times, Minho had caught him staring at you to an extent where he doesn't respond to someone calling unless they shake him, but when you talk his whole attention is on only you. He sometimes just pulls you into his room and locks the door just to sit and talk to you with out the interference of the elders. All in all, he loves you to pieces.

----------------------------------------------------

Other works

Remember to send an ask to be in my SKZ taglist or any other.

Going friends to lovers with the SKZ

STRAY KIDS X READER

A/n: Check out my Hyunjin fic: Renascence . Part 1 is up already.

Bangchan

Being Chan's friend, like a real close friend is a treat. Being with him through thick and thin, even through his emo phase was something. The moment you step foot in Korea he'll rush to meet you and have you meet the rest of the SKZ. Even they would immediately love you, clinging to you "NOONA! NOONA!". Bangchan couldn't help but feel a bit jealous though when Changbin would sit a bit closer to you or you would pay more attention to him than Chan. I bet he'd have a deep thinking with Minho as to why he feels this when they come to a conclusion that he likes you. And everything would start to make more meaning.

Going from friends to lovers with Chan would be smooth because Chan is in general such an affectionate person. But, the hugs would be more random featuring kisses. There would be lots of them. Like, imagine just sitting and talking to Hyunjin about your favourite cafe and you hear squealing and a body dumped on you. Yes it's your adorable boyfriend and he'd talk to you in his baby voice and accent.

Minho

You've been hos friend for a long time, since he was in Big hits, it was natural that someone or both would fall eventually. He would however keep it hidden. You would know very well that his tsundere act was just that an act he was a real softy from within even though he liked to show otherwise. But as days go by his feelings get stronger and stronger until one day he'll simply walk up to you and say "lets date". He did that before even realising but he took a deep sigh when you started to smile and said "After all these years you ask me out like this? Lee Minho!”

You both would be awkward at first, you'll have to slowly wait till the point he gets openly soft in front of you shocking everyone and at times you as well. Like how after a long day he naturally walks in a room to find you and cling to you. Or how he loves feeding you when he's eating even though you have told him you're not hungry. But he never backs down to glare if any member dares to tease him.

Changbin

Binnie is a sweetheart in general. Being really good friends with him would involve LOTS and LOTS of teasing and pranks. The two of you would always be at each other's throats yet you can't stay without each other. He would secretly be whipped for you and he'd tease you because he loved to annoy you and get your attention? Childish? Ik. He loves to annoy you but god forbid if someone else gets you upset, he'd beat the shit out of them. He loves to such an extent that caring for you and annoying you comes hand in hand as second nature for him. He'd probably be whining to someone about how cute you looked and how he just falls more and more for you and you'd overhear it only to jump on his back and hug him and say that you like him too.

Being his lover is almost similar but it involves him flirting shamelessly with you. Openly asking for kisses and whining when you don't. Chan and Jisung would call you up if he gets upset or when he would be over working himself. You would always be in his mind rent free. He would probably invite you to the gym to show off and tease you.

Jisung

This goof ball is an adorable friend. Always being the best boy and trying to cheer everyone up. He would probably realise that he's in love with you when he sees you upset and probably crying onetime. That urge of his to annihilate any cause of your sadness. He'd do whatever he can to restore your happy face and know in his heart that he'd do this everyday if required because he loves you. He didn't even plan to confess, he couldn't, even the thought got him all jittery. But you thought he did that because he loved you as he loved his members. So after seeing the two of you pining for each other Lee Know would finally lock the two of you up in a room. "I wont let you out until you both confess". And that was the push "I like you" the two of you blurted out at the same time.

Relationship with Jisung would be just like the saying "never a dull moment". But, he'd be more open to you, he'd let himself be vulnerable around you. He'd trust that you'd catch him if he falls, just like his members. He'd make you laugh and literally would never let you go to sleep upset, even if it was for a fight between you two. Lots of talking, you two would literally not stop. The members would call you if he suddenly gets anxious as even your voice calms him down.

Hyunjin

Having the leader of paboracha as your best friend and crush is difficult. He'd be in denial for years as he was sure you see him only as a friend. Not your fault if he would not get it even after you've dropped numerous hints. Well, he thought you said "I'd surely love to date Hyunjin" during truth and dare because you found him a great friend. So when he took a dare and the members made you kiss and he liked it a bit too much he'd start avoiding you. To point where if he'd see you walking from a direction he'd either hide or walk toward the other way. But when you caught him "HYUNJIN?! WHY ARE YOU AVOIDING ME?" You'd ask. "I am not" he'd reply without even looking at you. No matter what you'd say he would not look at you and say that he "could not" look at you. So you did it, you grabbed him by his neck and pecked his lips. The smile he gave was priceless.

You will always find another body beside you or clinging to you. He loves you dearly and really misses you when you're not there in front of him. He loves it when you bring him americano. Watching him dance would be your favourite hobby, it was before too but now it would include little makeout sessions in the middle, to a level Lee Know threatened to stuff his face with tissues.

Felix

Your personal brand of sunshine. You were always the one to help him face his convictions and insecurities and he loved you for that. Somewhere between a friendly hug and a kiss on the cheek he fell for you. He couldn't help but show more and more affection towards you. Be it hugging you more or saving you extra brownies and cookies when he bakes. But he will be very careful and a set plan to not confess because he thinks you'll never see him that way, never knowing you've been pining for him as much as him for you. Until one day you wont be able to take it and just say "You know what? I really like you" he would almost tear up and kiss you instantly.

Dating felix? Loads of hugs and kisses, that's his love language afterall. He'd just squeal and hug you, seeing you after a long day. He'd love to tease you though, using his deep voice to whisper in your ears giving you goosebumps. He'd love to get you coffee/tea even though ge doesn't like them. He's a literal sunshine and if he ever sees you sad or upset even if it's for him, he'll cry too. He'd help you go through anything literally. He'd also give loving nicknames, he knows his accent and voice is your weakness and he'd use it very well on you.

Seungmin

He is a literal smartass, too smart for your own good. He'll sneakily hide his crush on you, acting very normal. He'd know all about you including your crush on him. He'd flirt very smoothly, so smooth that even you'd have no idea when you gave up the information that you liked him very much. Flirting with you would actually be one of his hobbies, watching you get wide eyed and blushy, he found you endearing. It would be a secret but Seungmin would even let you hug him if you wanted to. You'd often help him in saving him from Hyunjin and Lee know attack of affection, not Chan's though, that's cute. He'd simply corner you and confuse you one day and then end up saying "I love you too, you pabo" and kiss your forehead.

Dating Seungmin is so entertaining especially seeing him have things sorted. A lot of dates especially those quiet ones where the two of you just sit together doing your own thing with a conversation or two from time to time. He knows what the two of you have is special and he would cherish you. Always make sure you're okay, you're comfortable. He'd have huge schemes of getting you to cool if you ever get upset because of him.

Jeongin

The two of you are literally the group's babies. Bangchan has adopted you and Minho has declared you to be his favourite child. Jeongin is a sweetheart and he'd always take care of you as you do the same. He always considered the constant urge to be with you or protect you to be platonic only to find his heart fluttering every time you look at him. "Hyung! I think I'm sick" he'll tell Felix and explain his "sickness". "No Innie, you're in love!" Felix said, and Jeongin went wide eyed. He'll then smile to himself and just get lost in you. At times he felt as if you were all he needed. Him pining for you got more intense and it was getting out of hand for the hyungs to see their maknae simping. So, they coax and force him to tell you because they knew, you had been pining for him too.

Being Jeongin's lover is actually a group activity as it includes the hyungs constantly cooing at the two of you even if your doing something as simple as holding hands. He had a habit of grabbing your hand and putting it inside his pocket together with his. Many a times, Minho had caught him staring at you to an extent where he doesn't respond to someone calling unless they shake him, but when you talk his whole attention is on only you. He sometimes just pulls you into his room and locks the door just to sit and talk to you with out the interference of the elders. All in all, he loves you to pieces.

----------------------------------------------------

Other works

Remember to send an ask to be in my SKZ taglist or any other.

yk how everyone always says that it’s felixs first life and chans last one??

wat if it’s actually the other way round tho? wat if it’s rlly felixs last life n that’s why he approaches everything w childlike happiness n curiosity, bc this is the last time he gets to do it?

u guys when i tell u that this man is the most perfect, handsome, amazing, boyfriend coded human out there i mean it coz-

(sir im absolutely fucking feral rn respectfully pls step on me 🙏🏼)

"I Would've Loved Her Right"

Broken! Jeongin x Dead! Reader(fem)

Part-1

Jeongin stood at the edge of his new apartment, surveying the scene before him. Cardboard boxes were piled high around him, like miniature mountains threatening to topple, each one marked with black ink scribbles indicating their contents. The scent of fresh paint clung to the walls, mingling with the cool, crisp autumn air that slipped through the cracked window, bringing with it a distant hum of city life. It wasn’t much to look at—just a modest one-bedroom unit tucked away in a quiet neighborhood, the kind where the nights were still and the mornings were slow. But it was his. It was a new beginning, a fresh canvas. After months of his life being nothing but fragmented pieces, scattered and disordered, this move felt like the first step toward stitching the chaos back together.

At twenty-one, he hadn’t imagined starting over would be part of his plan. And yet, here he was, standing in a space that was both foreign and strangely comforting.

The breakup had been hard. No—brutal. The kind of heartbreak that left you breathless, hollowed out, with sharp edges where soft feelings used to be. Her words still echoed in his mind, playing on a relentless loop: “You’re not enough, Jeongin. I need more. I need someone who knows what they want.”

He couldn’t shake the sting of it, the way those words had carved into him. But a part of him wondered if she really knew what she wanted. Or was it just easier to push him away with that excuse? Jeongin had loved her. Maybe not in the perfect, all-consuming way people talk about in songs or movies, but in his own quiet, steadfast way. He had loved her deeply, or at least he thought he had. But clearly, it hadn’t been enough.

The past year had been a blur of confusion and soul-searching, trying to pick up the pieces of his identity after she had left. He thought he’d come further by now. He thought moving to this new place would finally make him feel whole again. But now, standing in this empty apartment, the loneliness seemed to press in on him from all sides, an invisible weight that was hard to shake.

He ran a hand through his hair and let out a breath, the silence almost deafening. Maybe this apartment was a symbol of something more. Maybe it wasn’t just the walls that needed to be filled—it was him too.

“I’ll get used to it,” he muttered, running a hand through his unruly hair, the strands sticking up at odd angles. His voice bounced off the bare walls, filling the room for a moment before being swallowed by the empty space. Aside from the occasional groan of the old wooden floorboards beneath his feet, there was nothing but silence—a silence that almost felt alive, watching him, waiting for something.

The day had been long, the hours spent unpacking stretching endlessly. Every box he opened seemed to remind him just how much of his past he was carrying with him, both physically and emotionally.

Finally, Jeongin let himself collapse onto the old leather couch he’d painstakingly dragged up three flights of stairs. It groaned under his weight, the worn cushions sagging slightly, but it was the only piece of furniture that felt even remotely familiar.

The rest of the apartment had come furnished, a detail that had seemed convenient at first. But now, sitting among the mismatched, outdated pieces, it felt a little unsettling. The furniture was old, fraying at the edges, and the entire place seemed as if someone had lived here once and left in a hurry, abandoning more than just their belongings.

The eeriness of it gnawed at him, a faint unease settling in the pit of his stomach. There was a story here, lingering in the dust, in the creases of the worn upholstery. Who had lived here before him? And why had they left so abruptly? He wasn’t sure he wanted to know the answers to those questions.

Kicking his feet up onto the rickety coffee table in front of him, his eyes fell on something he hadn’t noticed before. A small drawer tucked underneath the table, its handle crooked, as if it had been pulled too many times. It caught his attention like a whisper in the dark, urging him to look closer. Curiosity piqued, he leaned forward and gave the handle a gentle tug. The drawer slid open with a creak, revealing something unexpected.

Inside, nestled in the dusty interior, was a small, leather-bound book.

"Huh..." he murmured, his voice barely more than a whisper, as he reached into the drawer and carefully lifted the small book from its dusty resting place. It was heavier than he had expected for such a compact object, the weight of it somehow amplifying the sense of mystery that surrounded it. He turned it over in his hands, the worn leather cover soft under his fingers, smoothed by time and use, as though it had been held and handled countless times before. Its deep brown surface was cracked in places, like the lines of an old map, hinting at a long history. The texture, though weathered, felt oddly comforting—like the embrace of something familiar despite being unknown.

There were no markings on the cover. No title, no name, no decorative embossing. Just the plain, unadorned leather, worn and faded, offering no clues as to its contents or origin. He ran his thumb along the spine, where the stitching had frayed just slightly, evidence that it had been opened and closed many times, its secrets shared and sealed again. The pages, however, were a different story. Though yellowed slightly with age, they seemed remarkably well-preserved, untouched by the passing of time that had left its mark on the cover. He could feel the smooth edges of the paper beneath his fingers as he fanned them lightly, a faint, musty scent escaping—a smell like old libraries, full of forgotten stories and hidden memories.

His heart skipped a beat. It looked like a journal, the kind people pour their thoughts into when no one else is listening. But something about it felt... different. More personal. Almost sacred, as though it held more than just mundane daily entries. It was as if this little book, so unassuming in appearance, contained pieces of someone’s life—fragments of their soul—trapped between its pages, waiting for someone to discover them.

For a moment, he froze, fingers hovering over the edge of the cover, unsure of whether or not to open it. A strange sense of reverence washed over him, making him hesitate. This wasn’t just some discarded item, left behind carelessly with the rest of the furniture. This was someone’s diary, someone’s private thoughts, written down with the intent of being hidden, or at least kept secret. Whoever had lived in this apartment before him had probably filled these pages with their most intimate feelings, things they hadn’t been able to say out loud, things they couldn’t confide in anyone else. Maybe even things they hadn’t admitted to themselves.

Was it wrong to read it?

The question buzzed in his mind, a moral dilemma he hadn’t anticipated. His first instinct was to close the drawer, to put the journal back where he’d found it and leave it untouched. It wasn’t his to read. These weren’t his memories, his experiences. It felt invasive, like he was crossing a line, stepping into a space that wasn’t his to occupy. He imagined someone reading his own thoughts, the vulnerable words he kept buried inside himself, and a knot formed in his stomach.

But then again, the person who had written this was long gone. Whoever they were, they had left the apartment, left this life behind, and hadn’t bothered to take the journal with them. Maybe they had forgotten it, or maybe they had meant to leave it. Maybe, in some strange way, it was meant to be found.

He couldn’t help but wonder about the previous tenant. Who were they? What had their life been like here, in this same space where he now stood? Had they been happy? Lonely? Had this apartment held the same weight of solitude for them that it did for him? Or had it been filled with warmth, with love, with laughter, before something changed? Jeongin felt an odd connection to this unknown person, someone he had never met and would likely never know. Their presence lingered here, in the worn furniture, in the faint smell of something sweet that still clung to the walls. And now, in this journal.

The more he thought about it, the more his curiosity grew. What kind of person leaves behind something so personal, something that surely held significance? Maybe it wasn’t just the apartment that carried a story—maybe this little book did too. And maybe, just maybe, it was a story he was supposed to uncover. After all, wasn’t that the whole point of starting over? To find meaning in the things that had been lost? To rebuild not just his own life, but to make sense of the world around him? Perhaps this journal, left behind in the empty shell of an apartment, held a piece of that meaning, waiting to be discovered.

Jeongin exhaled slowly, his decision made. He wasn’t sure if it was fate or just happenstance, but he couldn’t resist the pull of the unknown. The temptation was too strong, the mystery too compelling to ignore. After all, wasn’t this what he had wanted—a fresh start, a way to move forward? Maybe this journal, with all its secrets, could offer him some kind of clarity, or at least a distraction from the thoughts that had been circling in his own mind for too long.

He swallowed the lingering hesitation, his fingers tightening around the edges of the book. Slowly, carefully, as if he were unwrapping a delicate gift, he opened the cover.

He flipped open the first page, and his eyes skimmed over the neat handwriting.

“There are some things I’ll never say aloud, some truths that stay buried because they’re too heavy to carry. I’m tired of pretending to be whole when I’m rotting inside...”

Jeongin blinked, his breath catching in his throat. It was just ink on a page, but the weight behind it felt like a punch to the chest. This wasn’t the casual doodling of someone passing time. No, this was a confession, the kind you only make to yourself when the world has turned away and left you alone with your thoughts.

He found himself reading the sentence again, letting the words settle in his mind. I’m tired of pretending to be whole... That line stuck with him. It wasn’t dramatic or over-the-top, but it cut deep, the honesty of it almost too sharp. Whoever wrote this—whoever lived here before him—had been carrying something heavy, something they couldn’t share with anyone. It was a loneliness he recognized too well.

For a second, he thought about closing the book, about putting it back where he found it and walking away from the private pain hidden in its pages.

But instead, his fingers tightened around the leather cover.

He knew he wasn’t done reading. Not yet.

He flipped the pages, as if to get an overview of the whole thing, and his eyes landed upon this sentence:

“I loved him, but love isn’t enough. Not when you’re broken. Not when every ‘I love you’ feels like a lie because you don’t love yourself.”

He cried. It was too relatable, it was too painful, he set it aside and looked at it as if it slapped him in the face.

It felt like the book looked back at him, with an intense gaze, a gaze that was too painful, begging to ease the burden it has to bear, with the painful words written on it.

He carried that book with him wherever he went now, as if it had become a part of him. It wasn’t just a book anymore; it was a place he could retreat to, a source of unexpected answers hidden within the questions scribbled across the pages. The questions she wrote were sometimes the very ones he found himself asking, though he never quite put them into words. And when he read those questions, it felt like, in some strange way, he received answers too, as if the act of reading her thoughts gave clarity to his own.

The book had become his constant companion, the one thing he couldn’t leave behind, no matter where he went. It wasn’t just a collection of someone else’s thoughts anymore; it was a lifeline, a whisper of understanding in a world that often felt indifferent. Each page was like opening a door to another world, another mind, another soul. There, tucked between the messy handwriting and tear-stained pages, was a person—someone raw and real, someone who hurt, laughed, and raged, just like him.

The questions she wrote haunted him. They weren’t just idle musings, they were the kind of questions that circled in his own mind late at night when sleep wouldn’t come.

"I'm in the kitchen now. Everyone's asleep. I'm hungry, but I don’t want to eat anything from the fridge. I don’t even know what I want anymore. Do I want to eat? Do I want to sleep? Do I want to wake up tomorrow?"

It wasn’t just hunger she was talking about. He could feel it in the words—the deeper, unspoken craving for something more, something that would fill the emptiness gnawing at her. He recognized it because he’d felt it too. That nameless ache that made you feel like you were missing something essential, something that everyone else seemed to have.

"My mother wants me to become a lawyer. She thinks it’s a respectable job. But how do you explain to someone that you can’t even imagine living long enough to pick a career?"

That line had hit him hard the first time he read it, and it hit him again every time he went back to it. He didn’t know how to explain that kind of heaviness either—the weight of expectations that pressed down until you couldn’t breathe, until the future felt like a foreign concept, like something that didn’t belong to you.

"Why is the hair on my legs so much healthier than the hair on my head? Maybe even my body knows it’s a waste of time to take care of the parts that matter."

Her humor was sharp, biting in a way that made him smile despite himself. But underneath it all, there was always that thread of pain, of uncertainty, as if she didn’t even believe in her own jokes.

"These relatives... she told me I was too young to be having back pains. Well, alright, you rotten chicken fungus of an aunt, you're too old to be alive, but here we are, aren’t we?"

Jeongin had laughed out loud the first time he read that. It was such a strange, unexpected combination of words. She was angry, frustrated, but instead of letting it consume her, she twisted it into something absurd. It was her way of fighting back against a world that didn’t make sense. And maybe that’s why he felt such a strong connection to her.

She was like him, trying to make sense of things that couldn’t be understood.

But then there were the moments when her humor cracked, when the weight of everything she was carrying bled through the pages.

"Even the shrimp in my soup looked at me like it was disgusted to be eaten by someone as useless as me. Maybe that’s why I threw up when I got home. Maybe my body is rejecting me, just like everything else does."

Those lines made his chest ache. He didn’t know her, but he could feel her pain as if it were his own. And in some ways, it was. They were strangers, but their experiences overlapped in ways that were impossible to ignore. She wrote about her feelings of worthlessness, her moments of self-doubt, and it mirrored so much of what he had felt in his own life.

"I bled too much this month. I honestly got scared, thought I might die. And for a second, I hoped I would. Isn’t that pathetic?"

Sometimes, he felt like he was trespassing on something sacred, like he had stumbled into the most private parts of someone’s soul and wasn’t supposed to be there. But he couldn’t stop. The more he read, the more he understood her, and the more he understood himself.

She had written about love too, though it was clear that love had never been kind to her.

"I think the worst part of being in love is realizing that you’re not worth being loved back. I waited for him to notice me, but I was invisible. I gave everything, but it was never enough. I’ll never be enough. Maybe no one will ever love me."

"I think about him all the time. What he’s doing, where he is, why he hasn’t called. And when he finally does, it’s like I’m waiting for scraps of his attention, begging for something that never comes. I hate myself for it. I hate myself for loving him."

"He’s always busy, always tired, always has an excuse. But when he needs something, I’m the first person he calls. And I always go. I always show up. I can’t say no, even when I know I should. I think I’m scared he’ll leave for good if I stop trying. But why do I care? Why do I care about someone who doesn’t care about me?"

"I told him I needed more. That I was tired of feeling like an afterthought, like I was always chasing him. He laughed. Laughed. Like I was being ridiculous, like I was overreacting. He said I was being clingy, that I was too emotional. He made me feel like I was asking for too much, even though I knew I wasn’t. All I wanted was for him to care about me the way I cared about him."

"I look in the mirror and I don’t even recognize myself anymore. I’ve become this person who waits around for someone who doesn’t care if I’m there or not. I feel so small, like I’ve disappeared into the shadows of his life, and he doesn’t even notice. I’m losing myself, and I don’t know how to get me back."

"He never even said he loved me. Not once. And I think that’s what hurts the most—that I gave him everything, and he couldn’t even give me those three words."

Those words stayed with him long after he closed the book, hanging in the air like a ghost he couldn’t shake off.

He traced his fingers over the blotchy ink, smudged from what he could only assume was a tear that had fallen while she wrote. It was old now, the paper yellowing around the edges, but the pain still felt fresh. His own tears fell onto the page, mingling with the remnants of hers, creating new blotches, new marks of shared sorrow.

It reminded him of his own heartbreak, the nights he had spent lying awake, wondering what he had done wrong, why he hadn’t been enough. At least he had experienced it, love, even if it had been fleeting and unreciprocated. He had felt it, even when it was small, even when it had hurt. She, on the other hand, seemed like she had never even had the chance. She had never known what it felt like to be truly loved, to be held, to be seen. And that, more than anything, broke his heart.

And sometimes, in those quiet moments when the world felt still and all he had were her words, Jeongin couldn’t help but think:

If I had met her, I would’ve loved her. I would’ve loved her the way she deserved to be loved. I would’ve held her, told her she wasn’t invisible. I would’ve loved her right.

It was a strange thought, irrational even, to love someone he had never met, someone whose face he couldn’t even picture. But it wasn’t about that. It was about the way she made him feel, the way her words spoke to the deepest parts of him. They were both broken in their own ways, both wandering through life with pieces missing. But together, even if only through the fragile connection of ink on paper, they were whole. At least, that’s what he told himself.

In one of her final entries, she had written something that had stayed with him longer than anything else:

“I wonder if anyone would notice if I disappeared. If I just...faded away. Maybe it’s better this way. No one gets hurt when you’re invisible.”

He had gone to the kitchen that night, seeking out the spot she had described. It was cramped, barely enough room to stand, let alone sit and write. He had pushed the table aside, just a little, and squeezed himself into the space. It was uncomfortable, awkward, nothing like the peaceful image her words had painted. Yet, as he stood there, the cool air brushing against his skin, he understood why she had chosen that spot. It was a place where she could be alone, but still feel connected. A place where she could write her pain into the world and, in doing so, release it, even if only for a moment.

He stood there for a long time, just reading her words, feeling the weight of them settle into his bones. And for the first time in a long time, he didn’t feel so alone.

In that moment, he felt closer to her than ever, connected by this strange, unspoken bond through the pages of her diary.

Months passed, and Jeongin had read the diary so many times, he could recite some of the entries from memory, it was like some kind of faith, like some kind of devotion.

Everytime he reads it, he finds something new.

It was only after the 6th read he was able to figure out that her handwriting was actually bad, she wanted to maintain her diary well.

Only after the third read he found out that she had siblings, and she was the eldest.

Yet, no matter how many times he read it, the ending always left him haunted. The last page she had written on was almost too painful to bear.

“I wonder if anyone would notice if I disappeared. If I just...faded away. Maybe it’s better this way. No one gets hurt when you’re invisible.”

After that, the pages were blank.

She had stopped writing, and no matter how many times Jeongin flipped through the journal, hoping for just one more entry, there was nothing. No final thoughts, no explanation, not even a hint of what might have happened to her. The silence in those empty pages gnawed at him, as if the story had been abruptly cut off, leaving him suspended in a web of unanswered questions. Each time he opened the journal, his fingers traced the edges of the worn paper, yearning for some kind of closure, but it never came.

It had been a long time since Jeongin had written anything of his own. In his younger days, he had filled countless journals with his thoughts, feelings, and the trivial moments of everyday life. But somewhere along the way, as the years passed, life became too overwhelming—too fast, too chaotic, too painful. The words that once flowed easily from his pen had dried up, like a river dammed by the weight of reality. Yet now, as he stared at the blank pages in front of him, something deep inside began to stir. It was a faint, almost forgotten feeling—a quiet urge to express, to release. The silence of her journal, the unanswered questions, seemed to call out to him, beckoning him to fill the empty space with his own words once again.

He grabbed a pen and began to write.

The journal had become a lifeline for Jeongin. Every day, he’d write. Sometimes it was a response to something she had written, just beside or above and near the empty spaces of the page, with a different colored ink—other times, it was just his own thoughts, the things he couldn’t say to anyone else. The pages that had once been hers were slowly becoming his too.

The breakup didn’t hurt as much anymore. The scars were still there, of course, but they had faded. He had begun to move on, even if the world felt a little lonelier without her words to guide him.

But he couldn’t stop thinking about her. About what might have happened to her after she stopped writing. The thought gnawed at him, and after a year had passed, after his graduation and the start of his new job, Jeongin made a decision.

He was going to find her.

Jeongin spent weeks searching for her, digging through old records, asking neighbors and looking for any clue as to what had happened to the woman behind the journal. It was difficult, especially since the diary hadn’t given any specific details about her life—no name, no address, no family.

But he couldn’t shake the feeling that he owed it to her. She had shared so much of herself with him, even though she hadn’t known him. The least he could do was find out who she was.

Eventually, after much frustration and countless dead ends, Jeongin found his answer.

She was dead.

The news hit him like a punch to the gut. He sat in the small, local library where he had been doing his research, staring at the old obituary. There was no photo, just a brief mention of her passing, no cause of death listed. It was as if she had simply vanished from the world, just as she had written about.

Jeongin felt tears burn at the back of his eyes. All this time, he had been reading her words, connecting with her, hoping that maybe she had found peace. But she hadn’t.

She was gone.

The funeral had long passed, but Jeongin found the grave—a small, unmarked stone in a quiet corner of the cemetery. It was so unassuming, almost like no one had cared enough to give her a proper place of rest, as if she were some kind of dead fish, no, a fish would've had a better funeral.

“I would have loved you,” he whispered, kneeling by the gravestone. His fingers traced the cold marble, his heart heavy with all the words he wished he could say to her. “I would have loved you right.”

The wind blew softly, as if the universe itself was listening, but no answer came.

Jeongin stayed there for a long time, just sitting with her, feeling the weight of her absence. When he finally stood, he pulled the journal from his bag, the pages now worn from his constant reading. He had one last thing to ask.

I.N. 8.15.24 midnight live (12:00 am KST) 🫶🏾🍞

He was just the cutest; screenshot edited**

I.N. 8.15.24 midnight live (12:00 am KST) 🫶🏾🍞

I.N. 8.15.24 midnight live (12:00 am KST) 🫶🏾🍞

I am actually drowning in cuteness right now