Sparrow Talks - Tumblr Posts

autism and pathological demand avoidance

i've been wanting to get back on tumblr for a while now (i used to be on tumblr like a decade ago, and i look back fondly on those memories). there's just something really nice about writing out what you think and how you feel about things. it's cathartic. i find it to be emotionally regulating. and yet the demand of consistency is something i am constantly fighting with.

pathological demand avoidance. i perceive a demand, and i avoid it. i lose all desire to engage. i get frustrated when i feel like i'm obligated to do something.

even starting this blog, i already feel frustrated and want to stop. pushing past that is difficult. i feel obligated to continue. obligated to make this a good, coherent post. obligated to write as if i am expecting an audience to read this. and yet i only want to do this for myself. i want to have a space where i can express myself freely.

i want to talk about my experiences as a trans and autistic person, and yet that very desire is being perceived as a demand. it is very disorienting and exhausting.