Sorry You Had To Put Up With My Shit - Tumblr Posts

Latenight thoughts🌃

Is life even real? I often ask myself this question and so many other questions that I dont have the answer to. I hate that. Not having an answer. Not knowing what this shit is all about. But sometimes late at night I also just dont wanna know cause that would take the magic away. The magic of my cousin laughing (which is the most adorable sound ever) or my mum making my favourite food. If I would know this is all a dream wouldnt that take away the magic of the little things? I appreciate this so much and I dont even know why. But I dont need the answer to everything because I think I couldnt handle it. I honestly think no one could. I am honestly scared of dying and finding out if an afterlife exists cause I simply dont want to leave this world behind. We have so many things that we should be more thankful of. I am not. Sometimes I feel like a useless brat I make my mum upset about my grades, my friends upset about my health and my dad I dont even know I guess he just does not care. I should work on myself. Be kinder, start opening up about my feelings but thats just so damn hard. You get me? I try to have good grades and I try to look after myself but sometimes I feel like I cant do both at the same time and that frustrates me. I see other people do it and I get jealous. Jealousy is an ugly trade. But there we go again with the questions: Why is she doing it and I am not? Why am I socialy awkward and he isnt? Why do I like listening to music more than going out and being a responsible human being? I havent found the answer quite yet but I am working on it and I am trying my best like all of us should. Also thank you if you read until now I aprecciate that. I just needed to get that of my chest... I should go to bed now... I dont know how to end this so I am just gonna say goodbye. Bye