Shinichiro Angst - Tumblr Posts
— A TORE COPPER COIN, IN THE BACK OF YOUR POCKET —
takeomi akashi x reader x shinichiro sano
angst. +2.5k words. @lostinthe-jojos @saturnmitsuya @souyawn @kallikrein @blondbirb in case you'd like to read it :)
coins always have two sides, heads or tails
there are always two versions for each story. just as the sun spreads its light, the latent darkness that remains hidden, later takes over everything around. what is defined as right, and what is known as wrong. the desperate crying and the constant laughter. good people and the ones that want see you fall to pieces. death and life
whether it was day or night, april or december, in those times of youth that now seem abandoned and marked forever with the traces of tires from multiple motorcycles and cigarette leftovers, they used to fight over everything
every aspect. every joke. every bet
they knew each other since they were infants, after all. always running around, chasing the one after the another
among their inseparable gang, shinichiro always challenged takeomi. and intentionally or not, he always won
from the most insignificant thing with the cheekiest and childish purpose, to the most serious matters about the future of their crescent gang his nature was like that, showing his affection to others in that particular way he could only manage to achieve, carefree, charismatic and noble
-what's so important about winning?- the older sano used to inquire his partner as if it were nothing, looking into his eyes, sideways. akashi's teeth twisted inside his mouth every single time. shinichiro spoke serenely, but to takeomi was a direct scream into his ear, buzzing, deafening. impending defeat. why things always have to be like this?
on one side, akashi was used to make himself look disinterested to his friend antics. the best at hiding his emotions, the best liar, the best at pretending. but deep down inside his guts, in the remotest part of his self, the growing feelings of resentment that took over him, only strengthened with time, wishing to be the winning voice, even if it was just for once
while on the other, resided shinichiro. that even when he shamefully lost in a fight, he owned the victory. when he was silent in an argument, he still had the reason, the upper hand above everyone. all of this unbeknownst to him, actually
heads or tails?
sano was the head after all, the leader, the great, the admirable. takeomi just watched all this happen from afar, second in command. in reality, it never bothered him that much since that was his place from the beginning, he was well aware of it
but he was also a greedy man, money and success ruined him, and he was never good at making decisions. that’s why he kept behind, always behind
he was weak, and he knew it
except that, if there was one thing takeomi longed to be the first to, other than winning stupid games against one of his comrates or some cash in a dangerous entrust. it was to be owner of your desire
exactly, that
it’s always been him and the guys, his crew against tokyo. but with shinichiro, it came you. and you may not be part of the world they both shared, but you were certainly equal in importance. you were always near, shinichiro’s love since middle school, his forever girl and the only thing he ever talked about. the four of them could rely on you anytime, you were just another member
a loving soul that added an undescribable warmth to takeomi’s monotonous life, and you weren’t even his
maybe that was the problem
he doesn’t exactly know when did it all start. sure, since the first moment he saw you, he could tell how alluring you were. shinichiro really scored, a nice smile, a delightful personality, a lovely pair of eyes, pretty hair, pretty body. he was speechless, that you were with a guy like sano? wakasa and benkei weren’t doing any better
not only that, quite dangerous feelings started to terrorize his mind at night, in the intimacy of his bed, with the moon as his only witness, while he soflty chanted your name before dawn, the forbidden prayers of a hidden sinner
those were the kind of things he started to seriously get worried about
it started innocent, it started subtle
from small gestures, like the blooming tingles he felt creeping in the tip of his fingers whenever he walked near you, and you both accidentaly grazed your hands. it meant nothing to you, but it surely did to him
to the serious issues that got harder him to ignore, to supress
like that one day, when it finally snapped it was pouring, and you were waiting for shinichiro outside of his newly opened store with a small umbrella as your shield, to bring him dinner, since he was staying late to finish the order of a client. but much to your misfortune, he was gone. probably running off to the store to get something he forgot. defeated, on your way home, you found akashi walking under the rain, drenching in his clothes, probably heading to s. s. motors too and when the two of you encountered each other, you decided to keep walking to part ways, not minding the already sopping clothes. both were casually talking with the water falling over yourselves in the middle of some street, when you saw how his hands were trembling, it was obvious, he was not around his usual cloud of smoke because of the weather and he was probably feeling a bit anxious. you were still using your umbrella, so you offered it entirely to him. now completely ruining your clothes in the process. he didn’t even react -what the hell are you doing?- he wasn’t expecting that at all, he is used to be the one who offers himself to others, in many ways more than just getting wet in the rain. he was already soaked, so it was no use -it’s been probably a while since you lighted a cigarette with this rain, so go on. i’ll hold it for you, sorry for not bringing a larger umbrella so we could both fit- and you grinned, inocently
it was such a naive thing, that’s just how you were. an effortlessly beautiful person. for an insignificant moment, you placed him before you, and you stood on the rain, the bento on you bag all wet, so he could smoke and calm himself for a few minutes before arriving home
a rather innecesary and weird thing to do, yes. nonetheless, it spoke a lot about how you were, caring and considerate. that’s why you were with shinichiro, and not him. there was no way he could possibly deserve you
then one night, he passed
and suddenly, on one grey afternoon you had to say goodbye to what remained of shinichiro in this world, and you were numb. you remember akashi waking you up, but you didn’t move. shin was not next to you in bed, how cold. you saw takeomi’s lips move, but you were not able to hear him. you stared at the corner, where some of shinichiro’s things stood, quiet and lonely. he undressed and prepared you to go out, what day was today? where was he taking you?
it was sano’s household, everyone were black dressed, and they all stared at you, faces full of sorrow
takeomi sat you down on the floor next to some people you couldn’t recognize, and when you finally lifted your head, you saw a picture of your boyfriend greeting you at the front, with that charming smile of his, all types of flowers, everywhere, and a small box in the middle with a black ribbon adorning it. please no, this is not real, please no
you shivered and left akashi’s side, slowly. he called you, but it was useless
wakasa and benkei noticed from the distance, standing against the door of the room, until both started walking towards you, something was odd
-sh-shin?- you leaned closer, and caressed the box the same way you were used to touch his cheek in the mornings, when you slept together. he was always warm. and now, it was all just lifeless, cold wood -there is no way he can fit in there. it must be hard to breathe. it's just a tiny box, he is not there. benkei, where is him? is he really there? take him out, he can't breathe! akashi! please, please help him, it must be difficult to be in there alone. please! someone!- the three of them were now next to you, trying to calm you down, keeping the most quietly possible. you were shouting, crying, whispering, all at the same time. it was real
he was gone
-take her out, she is going to scare the kids- benkei looked at takeomi, while he held you close to his chest. you were sobbing and babbling incoherences
-shh, it's okay, pretty. we are here, everything will be fine, he is fine- wakasa stroked you hair gently, he then looked around, searching for the younger ones
-please help him, please- you couldn’t keep your eyes open and you started to feel how the air in your lungs left your body, everything went dark
-y/n! y/n! she is fainting- takeomi held you tightly and grabbed your face, seeing how you grew unconscious with every passing second
-then hurry the fuck up! she needs air, take her out! i’ll go with mikey and emma, they don’t need to worry over this- wakasa mentioned, and left the three of you. benkei followed him soonly after
akashi went to the backyard, there were no people and it all seemed full of gloom. he sat down, leaning on one of the walls to hold you between his arms. your lips parted slightly and you began to breathe normally again
how did this even happen? why him?
his eyes were on you, watching you gain your composture again. you blinked very subtly, and one of your hands weakly got up to fondle his neck, tenderly
you were the most sacred thing to him in his small infamous world. where he was the god of war and you ruled by his side
he wanted you more than all that for which he cried at night after going to sleep, when he was a kid, and he lost a fight. all those foolish dreams couldn’t compare to you
beautiful, kind
he got near to your lips, and he stared at them in a trance, he wanted it
he wanted it badly
so he finally did it
the light touch of his lips rested on yours, and he tasted the victory that he has longed for, all these years
the victory that has never belonged to him
he moved away and you looked at him directly, with your eyelids half closed, to then whisper
-shin?-
no
no, it wasn't him. he was no one in particular
-i love you-
no
those weren’t words for him, he knew it. you were hallucinating, rambling in the middle of the bliss within your unconsciousness. you didn’t love him. his heart was yours entirely, but your soul and whole being belonged to shinichiro sano, your forever foolish lover
and in this fleeting moment, you saw him in takeomi. it was all a fantasy, a brief and painful one. the last moment you would share with shin now that he is gone, and only the shadow of him remains, a greedy man who will never have your desire
but he was satisfied
he couldn’t ask for more
in that instant, he had what he most wanted, and even if it was a lie, he would live in it forever
-i love you too-
and he meant it. every breath, every blink of his eyes, every caress to your wet cheeks. he meant it all
he was giving himself into you
he loved you, more than what he could understand
but it was not right
-what the fuck do you think you are doing, huh?-
trapped in his illusion, ears deaf to the footsteps coming his way. benkei took him by the collar of his shirt and made him drop you abruptly, he didn’t expect it. air leaving his lungs when he impacted the wall, it hurt him
-answer me you bitch, this is not time for your bullshit- benkei’s gaze had an unbridled anger, the same one he uses in fights to terrorize his opponents, only that this time, it was totally raw and authentic, he couldn’t feel any other way, he was disgusted
-how did you dare to take advantage of her in such a state?-
-i’m sorry-
slap
-oh your sorry? for her? for me?- he was looking for the answer in his eyes, almost harassing him. akashi couldn’t lift his stare from your weak figure on the floor -or for you? and how miserable you are? huh?-
slap
-you are lucky i was the one who saw you, wakasa would have already fucking smashed your pathetic skull-
-i’m in love with her, benkei. and it’s not something new-
slap
his cheeks were bleeding, skin split open. but he said it, it was unbearable, just a matter of time
he has never said it out loud, to anyone. he shouldn’t, but it was done now
-i don't give a fuck. she was shinichiro's woman, that he isn't around anymore doesn't give you the right nor the permission to go and try stupid delusional bullshit like this. learn to live with it- benkei’s voice faltered for a second at the mention of his friend, in sour realization. those were words they would have to get used to, unfortunately
a dry and emotionless laugh emanated from takeomi
-and what do you think i've trying to do all this fucking time, huh?-
benkei remained silent for 34 seconds, to be exact, both only staring at each other. guilt, sorrow and misery mingled together to form a thick aura between them, dull as cigarette smoke and distressing as betrayal
-well try harder. she is not yours, she will never be. so get your shit together-
-death did them apart- he stood in silence, realizing what he just said. he didn’t really mean it, his poisonous heart was clouding his mind out of pure despair. he could already feel the loneliness creeping through his veins, and he couldn’t stand it
benkei just barked a laugh, pathetic as always, he could only think
-but i’m sure they will be together again someday, motherfucker. so stay away from her until then-
benkei picked you up from the floor and took care of your delicate state himself, while takeomi just watched you walk away from him, once again
even after shinichiro's death, he kept himself in the dark. second in command. he never changed, he could still hear his orders in his mind, vividly. he was not enough to be a leader, he was not enough for anything at all
and his feelings never changed, either
he would be there for you, always. hoping that one day you may look at him the same way you used to look at sano
nothing really changed
shinichiro and takeomi were the two sides of the same torn coin, plated in the same way
heads or tails?
takeomi akashi stayed as the tore copper coin on the back of your pocket
he remained there, silent
he remained there, alone
forever missing his other half
and waiting for you, to give it a use in your grieving slot machine heart, someday
a tore copper coin, on the back of your pocket
—takeomi akashi x reader x shinichiro sano—
angst. +2.5k words. @lostinthe-jojos @saturnmitsuya @souyawn @kallikrein @blondbirb in case you’d like to read it :)
coins always have two sides, heads or tails
there are always two versions for each story. just as the sun spreads its light, the latent darkness that remains hidden, later takes over everything around. what is defined as right, and what is known as wrong. the desperate crying and the constant laughter. good people and the ones that want see you fall to pieces. death and life
whether it was day or night, april or december, in those times of youth that now seem abandoned and marked forever with the traces of tires from multiple motorcycles and cigarette leftovers, they used to fight over everything
every aspect. every joke. every bet
they knew each other since they were infants, after all. always running around, chasing the one after the another
among their inseparable gang, shinichiro always challenged takeomi. and intentionally or not, he always won
from the most insignificant thing with the cheekiest and childish purpose, to the most serious matters about the future of their crescent gang his nature was like that, showing his affection to others in that particular way he could only manage to achieve, carefree, charismatic and noble
-what’s so important about winning?- the older sano used to inquire his partner as if it were nothing, looking into his eyes, sideways. akashi’s teeth twisted inside his mouth every single time. shinichiro spoke serenely, but to takeomi was a direct scream into his ear, buzzing, deafening. impending defeat. why things always have to be like this?
on one side, akashi was used to make himself look disinterested to his friend antics. the best at hiding his emotions, the best liar, the best at pretending. but deep down inside his guts, in the remotest part of his self, the growing feelings of resentment that took over him, only strengthened with time, wishing to be the winning voice, even if it was just for once
while on the other, resided shinichiro. that even when he shamefully lost in a fight, he owned the victory. when he was silent in an argument, he still had the reason, the upper hand above everyone. all of this unbeknownst to him, actually
heads or tails?
sano was the head after all, the leader, the great, the admirable. takeomi just watched all this happen from afar, second in command. in reality, it never bothered him that much since that was his place from the beginning, he was well aware of it
but he was also a greedy man, money and success ruined him, and he was never good at making decisions. that’s why he kept behind, always behind
he was weak, and he knew it
except that, if there was one thing takeomi longed to be the first to, other than winning stupid games against one of his comrates or some cash in a dangerous entrust. it was to be owner of your desire
exactly, that
it’s always been him and the guys, his crew against tokyo. but with shinichiro, it came you. and you may not be part of the world they both shared, but you were certainly equal in importance. you were always near, shinichiro’s love since middle school, his forever girl and the only thing he ever talked about. the four of them could rely on you anytime, you were just another member
a loving soul that added an undescribable warmth to takeomi’s monotonous life, and you weren’t even his
maybe that was the problem
he doesn’t exactly know when did it all start. sure, since the first moment he saw you, he could tell how alluring you were. shinichiro really scored, a nice smile, a delightful personality, a lovely pair of eyes, pretty hair, pretty body. he was speechless, that you were with a guy like sano? wakasa and benkei weren’t doing any better
not only that, quite dangerous feelings started to terrorize his mind at night, in the intimacy of his bed, with the moon as his only witness, while he soflty chanted your name before dawn, the forbidden prayers of a hidden sinner
those were the kind of things he started to seriously get worried about
it started innocent, it started subtle
from small gestures, like the blooming tingles he felt creeping in the tip of his fingers whenever he walked near you, and you both accidentaly grazed your hands. it meant nothing to you, but it surely did to him
to the serious issues that got harder him to ignore, to supress
like that one day, when it finally snapped it was pouring, and you were waiting for shinichiro outside of his newly opened store with a small umbrella as your shield, to bring him dinner, since he was staying late to finish the order of a client. but much to your misfortune, he was gone. probably running off to the store to get something he forgot. defeated, on your way home, you found akashi walking under the rain, drenching in his clothes, probably heading to s. s. motors too and when the two of you encountered each other, you decided to keep walking to part ways, not minding the already sopping clothes. both were casually talking with the water falling over yourselves in the middle of some street, when you saw how his hands were trembling, it was obvious, he was not around his usual cloud of smoke because of the weather and he was probably feeling a bit anxious. you were still using your umbrella, so you offered it entirely to him. now completely ruining your clothes in the process. he didn’t even react -what the hell are you doing?- he wasn’t expecting that at all, he is used to be the one who offers himself to others, in many ways more than just getting wet in the rain. he was already soaked, so it was no use -it’s been probably a while since you lighted a cigarette with this rain, so go on. i’ll hold it for you, sorry for not bringing a larger umbrella so we could both fit- and you grinned, inocently
it was such a naive thing, that’s just how you were. an effortlessly beautiful person. for an insignificant moment, you placed him before you, and you stood on the rain, the bento on you bag all wet, so he could smoke and calm himself for a few minutes before arriving home
a rather innecesary and weird thing to do, yes. nonetheless, it spoke a lot about how you were, caring and considerate. that’s why you were with shinichiro, and not him. there was no way he could possibly deserve you
then one night, he passed
and suddenly, on one grey afternoon you had to say goodbye to what remained of shinichiro in this world, and you were numb. you remember akashi waking you up, but you didn’t move. shin was not next to you in bed, how cold. you saw takeomi’s lips move, but you were not able to hear him. you stared at the corner, where some of shinichiro’s things stood, quiet and lonely. he undressed and prepared you to go out, what day was today? where was he taking you?
it was sano’s household, everyone were black dressed, and they all stared at you, faces full of sorrow
takeomi sat you down on the floor next to some people you couldn’t recognize, and when you finally lifted your head, you saw a picture of your boyfriend greeting you at the front, with that charming smile of his, all types of flowers, everywhere, and a small box in the middle with a black ribbon adorning it. please no, this is not real, please no
you shivered and left akashi’s side, slowly. he called you, but it was useless
wakasa and benkei noticed from the distance, standing against the door of the room, until both started walking towards you, something was odd
-sh-shin?- you leaned closer, and caressed the box the same way you were used to touch his cheek in the mornings, when you slept together. he was always warm. and now, it was all just lifeless, cold wood -there is no way he can fit in there. it must be hard to breathe. it’s just a tiny box, he is not there. benkei, where is him? is he really there? take him out, he can’t breathe! akashi! please, please help him, it must be difficult to be in there alone. please! someone!- the three of them were now next to you, trying to calm you down, keeping the most quietly possible. you were shouting, crying, whispering, all at the same time. it was real
he was gone
-take her out, she is going to scare the kids- benkei looked at takeomi, while he held you close to his chest. you were sobbing and babbling incoherences
-shh, it’s okay, pretty. we are here, everything will be fine, he is fine- wakasa stroked you hair gently, he then looked around, searching for the younger ones
-please help him, please- you couldn’t keep your eyes open and you started to feel how the air in your lungs left your body, everything went dark
-y/n! y/n! she is fainting- takeomi held you tightly and grabbed your face, seeing how you grew unconscious with every passing second
-then hurry the fuck up! she needs air, take her out! i’ll go with mikey and emma, they don’t need to worry over this- wakasa mentioned, and left the three of you. benkei followed him soonly after
akashi went to the backyard, there were no people and it all seemed full of gloom. he sat down, leaning on one of the walls to hold you between his arms. your lips parted slightly and you began to breathe normally again
how did this even happen? why him?
his eyes were on you, watching you gain your composture again. you blinked very subtly, and one of your hands weakly got up to fondle his neck, tenderly
you were the most sacred thing to him in his small infamous world. where he was the god of war and you ruled by his side
he wanted you more than all that for which he cried at night after going to sleep, when he was a kid, and he lost a fight. all those foolish dreams couldn’t compare to you
beautiful, kind
he got near to your lips, and he stared at them in a trance, he wanted it
he wanted it badly
so he finally did it
the light touch of his lips rested on yours, and he tasted the victory that he has longed for, all these years
the victory that has never belonged to him
he moved away and you looked at him directly, with your eyelids half closed, to then whisper
-shin?-
no
no, it wasn’t him. he was no one in particular
-i love you-
no
those weren’t words for him, he knew it. you were hallucinating, rambling in the middle of the bliss within your unconsciousness. you didn’t love him. his heart was yours entirely, but your soul and whole being belonged to shinichiro sano, your forever foolish lover
and in this fleeting moment, you saw him in takeomi. it was all a fantasy, a brief and painful one. the last moment you would share with shin now that he is gone, and only the shadow of him remains, a greedy man who will never have your desire
but he was satisfied
he couldn’t ask for more
in that instant, he had what he most wanted, and even if it was a lie, he would live in it forever
-i love you too-
and he meant it. every breath, every blink of his eyes, every caress to your wet cheeks. he meant it all
he was giving himself into you
he loved you, more than what he could understand
but it was not right
-what the fuck do you think you are doing, huh?-
trapped in his illusion, ears deaf to the footsteps coming his way. benkei took him by the collar of his shirt and made him drop you abruptly, he didn’t expect it. air leaving his lungs when he impacted the wall, it hurt him
-answer me you bitch, this is not time for your bullshit- benkei’s gaze had an unbridled anger, the same one he uses in fights to terrorize his opponents, only that this time, it was totally raw and authentic, he couldn’t feel any other way, he was disgusted
-how did you dare to take advantage of her in such a state?-
-i’m sorry-
slap
-oh your sorry? for her? for me?- he was looking for the answer in his eyes, almost harassing him. akashi couldn’t lift his stare from your weak figure on the floor -or for you? and how miserable you are? huh?-
slap
-you are lucky i was the one who saw you, wakasa would have already fucking smashed your pathetic skull-
-i’m in love with her, benkei. and it’s not something new-
slap
his cheeks were bleeding, skin split open. but he said it, it was unbearable, just a matter of time
he has never said it out loud, to anyone. he shouldn’t, but it was done now
-i don’t give a fuck. she was shinichiro’s woman, that he isn’t around anymore doesn’t give you the right nor the permission to go and try stupid delusional bullshit like this. learn to live with it- benkei’s voice faltered for a second at the mention of his friend, in sour realization. those were words they would have to get used to, unfortunately
a dry and emotionless laugh emanated from takeomi
-and what do you think i’ve trying to do all this fucking time, huh?-
benkei remained silent for 34 seconds, to be exact, both only staring at each other. guilt, sorrow and misery mingled together to form a thick aura between them, dull as cigarette smoke and distressing as betrayal
-well try harder. she is not yours, she will never be. so get your shit together-
-death did them apart- he stood in silence, realizing what he just said. he didn’t really mean it, his poisonous heart was clouding his mind out of pure despair. he could already feel the loneliness creeping through his veins, and he couldn’t stand it
benkei just barked a laugh, pathetic as always, he could only think
-but i’m sure they will be together again someday, motherfucker. so stay away from her until then-
benkei picked you up from the floor and took care of your delicate state himself, while takeomi just watched you walk away from him, once again
even after shinichiro’s death, he kept himself in the dark. second in command. he never changed, he could still hear his orders in his mind, vividly. he was not enough to be a leader, he was not enough for anything at all
and his feelings never changed, either
he would be there for you, always. hoping that one day you may look at him the same way you used to look at sano
nothing really changed
shinichiro and takeomi were the two sides of the same torn coin, plated in the same way
heads or tails?
takeomi akashi stayed as the tore copper coin on the back of your pocket
he remained there, silent
he remained there, alone
forever missing his other half
and waiting for you, to give it a use in your grieving slot machine heart, someday
— A TORE COPPER COIN, ON THE BACK OF YOUR POCKET —
takeomi akashi x reader x shinichiro sano
angst. +2.5k words. @lostinthe-jojos @saturnmitsuya @souyawn @kallikrein @blondbirb in case you’d like to read it :)
coins always have two sides, heads or tails
there are always two versions for each story. just as the sun spreads its light, the latent darkness that remains hidden, later takes over everything around. what is defined as right, and what is known as wrong. the desperate crying and the constant laughter. good people and the ones that want see you fall to pieces. death and life
whether it was day or night, april or december, in those times of youth that now seem abandoned and marked forever with the traces of tires from multiple motorcycles and cigarette leftovers, they used to fight over everything
every aspect. every joke. every bet
they knew each other since they were infants, after all. always running around, chasing the one after the another
among their inseparable gang, shinichiro always challenged takeomi. and intentionally or not, he always won
from the most insignificant thing with the cheekiest and childish purpose, to the most serious matters about the future of their crescent gang his nature was like that, showing his affection to others in that particular way he could only manage to achieve, carefree, charismatic and noble
-what’s so important about winning?- the older sano used to inquire his partner as if it were nothing, looking into his eyes, sideways. akashi’s teeth twisted inside his mouth every single time. shinichiro spoke serenely, but to takeomi was a direct scream into his ear, buzzing, deafening. impending defeat. why things always have to be like this?
on one side, akashi was used to make himself look disinterested to his friend antics. the best at hiding his emotions, the best liar, the best at pretending. but deep down inside his guts, in the remotest part of his self, the growing feelings of resentment that took over him, only strengthened with time, wishing to be the winning voice, even if it was just for once
while on the other, resided shinichiro. that even when he shamefully lost in a fight, he owned the victory. when he was silent in an argument, he still had the reason, the upper hand above everyone. all of this unbeknownst to him, actually
heads or tails?
sano was the head after all, the leader, the great, the admirable. takeomi just watched all this happen from afar, second in command. in reality, it never bothered him that much since that was his place from the beginning, he was well aware of it
but he was also a greedy man, money and success ruined him, and he was never good at making decisions. that’s why he kept behind, always behind
he was weak, and he knew it
except that, if there was one thing takeomi longed to be the first to, other than winning stupid games against one of his comrates or some cash in a dangerous entrust. it was to be owner of your desire
exactly, that
it’s always been him and the guys, his crew against tokyo. but with shinichiro, it came you. and you may not be part of the world they both shared, but you were certainly equal in importance. you were always near, shinichiro’s love since middle school, his forever girl and the only thing he ever talked about. the four of them could rely on you anytime, you were just another member
a loving soul that added an undescribable warmth to takeomi’s monotonous life, and you weren’t even his
maybe that was the problem
he doesn’t exactly know when did it all start. sure, since the first moment he saw you, he could tell how alluring you were. shinichiro really scored, a nice smile, a delightful personality, a lovely pair of eyes, pretty hair, pretty body. he was speechless, that you were with a guy like sano? wakasa and benkei weren’t doing any better
not only that, quite dangerous feelings started to terrorize his mind at night, in the intimacy of his bed, with the moon as his only witness, while he soflty chanted your name before dawn, the forbidden prayers of a hidden sinner
those were the kind of things he started to seriously get worried about
it started innocent, it started subtle
from small gestures, like the blooming tingles he felt creeping in the tip of his fingers whenever he walked near you, and you both accidentaly grazed your hands. it meant nothing to you, but it surely did to him
to the serious issues that got harder him to ignore, to supress
like that one day, when it finally snapped it was pouring, and you were waiting for shinichiro outside of his newly opened store with a small umbrella as your shield, to bring him dinner, since he was staying late to finish the order of a client. but much to your misfortune, he was gone. probably running off to the store to get something he forgot. defeated, on your way home, you found akashi walking under the rain, drenching in his clothes, probably heading to s. s. motors too and when the two of you encountered each other, you decided to keep walking to part ways, not minding the already sopping clothes. both were casually talking with the water falling over yourselves in the middle of some street, when you saw how his hands were trembling, it was obvious, he was not around his usual cloud of smoke because of the weather and he was probably feeling a bit anxious. you were still using your umbrella, so you offered it entirely to him. now completely ruining your clothes in the process. he didn’t even react -what the hell are you doing?- he wasn’t expecting that at all, he is used to be the one who offers himself to others, in many ways more than just getting wet in the rain. he was already soaked, so it was no use -it’s been probably a while since you lighted a cigarette with this rain, so go on. i’ll hold it for you, sorry for not bringing a larger umbrella so we could both fit- and you grinned, inocently
it was such a naive thing, that’s just how you were. an effortlessly beautiful person. for an insignificant moment, you placed him before you, and you stood on the rain, the bento on you bag all wet, so he could smoke and calm himself for a few minutes before arriving home
a rather innecesary and weird thing to do, yes. nonetheless, it spoke a lot about how you were, caring and considerate. that’s why you were with shinichiro, and not him. there was no way he could possibly deserve you
then one night, he passed
and suddenly, on one grey afternoon you had to say goodbye to what remained of shinichiro in this world, and you were numb. you remember akashi waking you up, but you didn’t move. shin was not next to you in bed, how cold. you saw takeomi’s lips move, but you were not able to hear him. you stared at the corner, where some of shinichiro’s things stood, quiet and lonely. he undressed and prepared you to go out, what day was today? where was he taking you?
it was sano’s household, everyone were black dressed, and they all stared at you, faces full of sorrow
takeomi sat you down on the floor next to some people you couldn’t recognize, and when you finally lifted your head, you saw a picture of your boyfriend greeting you at the front, with that charming smile of his, all types of flowers, everywhere, and a small box in the middle with a black ribbon adorning it. please no, this is not real, please no
you shivered and left akashi’s side, slowly. he called you, but it was useless
wakasa and benkei noticed from the distance, standing against the door of the room, until both started walking towards you, something was odd
-sh-shin?- you leaned closer, and caressed the box the same way you were used to touch his cheek in the mornings, when you slept together. he was always warm. and now, it was all just lifeless, cold wood -there is no way he can fit in there. it must be hard to breathe. it’s just a tiny box, he is not there. benkei, where is him? is he really there? take him out, he can’t breathe! akashi! please, please help him, it must be difficult to be in there alone. please! someone!- the three of them were now next to you, trying to calm you down, keeping the most quietly possible. you were shouting, crying, whispering, all at the same time. it was real
he was gone
-take her out, she is going to scare the kids- benkei looked at takeomi, while he held you close to his chest. you were sobbing and babbling incoherences
-shh, it’s okay, pretty. we are here, everything will be fine, he is fine- wakasa stroked you hair gently, he then looked around, searching for the younger ones
-please help him, please- you couldn’t keep your eyes open and you started to feel how the air in your lungs left your body, everything went dark
-y/n! y/n! she is fainting- takeomi held you tightly and grabbed your face, seeing how you grew unconscious with every passing second
-then hurry the fuck up! she needs air, take her out! i’ll go with mikey and emma, they don’t need to worry over this- wakasa mentioned, and left the three of you. benkei followed him soonly after
akashi went to the backyard, there were no people and it all seemed full of gloom. he sat down, leaning on one of the walls to hold you between his arms. your lips parted slightly and you began to breathe normally again
how did this even happen? why him?
his eyes were on you, watching you gain your composture again. you blinked very subtly, and one of your hands weakly got up to fondle his neck, tenderly
you were the most sacred thing to him in his small infamous world. where he was the god of war and you ruled by his side
he wanted you more than all that for which he cried at night after going to sleep, when he was a kid, and he lost a fight. all those foolish dreams couldn’t compare to you
beautiful, kind
he got near to your lips, and he stared at them in a trance, he wanted it
he wanted it badly
so he finally did it
the light touch of his lips rested on yours, and he tasted the victory that he has longed for, all these years
the victory that has never belonged to him
he moved away and you looked at him directly, with your eyelids half closed, to then whisper
-shin?-
no
no, it wasn’t him. he was no one in particular
-i love you-
no
those weren’t words for him, he knew it. you were hallucinating, rambling in the middle of the bliss within your unconsciousness. you didn’t love him. his heart was yours entirely, but your soul and whole being belonged to shinichiro sano, your forever foolish lover
and in this fleeting moment, you saw him in takeomi. it was all a fantasy, a brief and painful one. the last moment you would share with shin now that he is gone, and only the shadow of him remains, a greedy man who will never have your desire
but he was satisfied
he couldn’t ask for more
in that instant, he had what he most wanted, and even if it was a lie, he would live in it forever
-i love you too-
and he meant it. every breath, every blink of his eyes, every caress to your wet cheeks. he meant it all
he was giving himself into you
he loved you, more than what he could understand
but it was not right
-what the fuck do you think you are doing, huh?-
trapped in his illusion, ears deaf to the footsteps coming his way. benkei took him by the collar of his shirt and made him drop you abruptly, he didn’t expect it. air leaving his lungs when he impacted the wall, it hurt him
-answer me you bitch, this is not time for your bullshit- benkei’s gaze had an unbridled anger, the same one he uses in fights to terrorize his opponents, only that this time, it was totally raw and authentic, he couldn’t feel any other way, he was disgusted
-how did you dare to take advantage of her in such a state?-
-i’m sorry-
slap
-oh your sorry? for her? for me?- he was looking for the answer in his eyes, almost harassing him. akashi couldn’t lift his stare from your weak figure on the floor -or for you? and how miserable you are? huh?-
slap
-you are lucky i was the one who saw you, wakasa would have already fucking smashed your pathetic skull-
-i’m in love with her, benkei. and it’s not something new-
slap
his cheeks were bleeding, skin split open. but he said it, it was unbearable, just a matter of time
he has never said it out loud, to anyone. he shouldn’t, but it was done now
-i don’t give a fuck. she was shinichiro’s woman, that he isn’t around anymore doesn’t give you the right nor the permission to go and try stupid delusional bullshit like this. learn to live with it- benkei’s voice faltered for a second at the mention of his friend, in sour realization. those were words they would have to get used to, unfortunately
a dry and emotionless laugh emanated from takeomi
-and what do you think i’ve trying to do all this fucking time, huh?-
benkei remained silent for 34 seconds, to be exact, both only staring at each other. guilt, sorrow and misery mingled together to form a thick aura between them, dull as cigarette smoke and distressing as betrayal
-well try harder. she is not yours, she will never be. so get your shit together-
-death did them apart- he stood in silence, realizing what he just said. he didn’t really mean it, his poisonous heart was clouding his mind out of pure despair. he could already feel the loneliness creeping through his veins, and he couldn’t stand it
benkei just barked a laugh, pathetic as always, he could only think
-but i’m sure they will be together again someday, motherfucker. so stay away from her until then-
benkei picked you up from the floor and took care of your delicate state himself, while takeomi just watched you walk away from him, once again
even after shinichiro’s death, he kept himself in the dark. second in command. he never changed, he could still hear his orders in his mind, vividly. he was not enough to be a leader, he was not enough for anything at all
and his feelings never changed, either
he would be there for you, always. hoping that one day you may look at him the same way you used to look at sano
nothing really changed
shinichiro and takeomi were the two sides of the same torn coin, plated in the same way
heads or tails?
takeomi akashi stayed as the tore copper coin on the back of your pocket
he remained there, silent
he remained there, alone
forever missing his other half
and waiting for you, to give it a use in your grieving slot machine heart, someday
CIGARETTES
Shinichiro x gn!reader
Fluff to angst. Character death.
You always hated cigarettes. The smell, the concept - everything about them disgusted you.
Poor little Liddy used to always quit
But she never really quit
She'd just say she did
At the age of sixteen Shinichiro tried his first cigarette. He took it from Takeomi who already had the cancer stick between his lips. It was disgusting, he started coughing and tried to spit out the taste as much as possible. And when it didn’t work he tried chewing gum which Benkei forced into his palm. He bought a can of soda from a near by corner shop and stole a lolly pop from Wakasa. His friends laughed at him and Shinichiro swore to himself that he’d never smoke again.
“That’s good.” You smile at him as he sat in your bedroom after sneaking in through the window. “I hate cigarettes. They smell bad and I wouldn’t kiss you if you smoked.”
At the age of seventeen Shinichiro took his second cigarette, thinking things would be different. He stole it from Takeomi. He always had a pack of red Marlboro’s in his gang jacket. And since he accidentally left it in Shin’s room, he decided to try again. This time alone in the comfort of his own room. It was still disgusting. Shinichiro started coughing again and took a glass of apple juice that he already had prepared for himself. Though at that moment he decided to try and smoke the whole stick. Even if it meant he’d feel like vomiting.
“It looks cool.” He murmurs to himself. “I wanna be as cool as them.”
At the age of eighteen Shinichiro had a hidden pack of cigarettes in his room. He didn’t want you to know about him smoking. He thought you didn’t need to know. After all it was nothing serious. He only smoked once every couple of weeks, to look cool around the guys. He knew you hated everything about cigarettes. From the smell that lingered around people that smoked them to the fact that they killed people. “Anything can kill us.” Shinichiro once told you and you just shook your head telling him that he wouldn’t understand. And he remembered your threat about you not kissing him. So he decided to just keep this information to himself. After all what you don’t know won’t hurt you.
“Yeah I usually smoke in the mornings, outside my room.” He smirks at Benkei.
At the age of nineteen Shinichiro couldn’t hide the fact that he smoked anymore. The smell was always with him whenever he came over to visit you. It was stuck on his dirty white shirt, it was stuck in his hair, it was stuck on his hand and it was especially stuck on his lips and tongue when he kissed you. You pushed him off of you and made a disgusted face. “It’s gross. I don’t want to kiss you after you just smoked.” You sat further away from him and looked at the posters decorating your room. Shinichiro felt his heart break after you moved away from him after breaking your kiss off.
“I’m sorry. I promise I’ll quit.” He says before laying down.
At the age of twenty Shinichiro only smoked when he worked on bikes. Which was around once a week. You grew accustomed to the smell. Well slightly. You still weren’t a big fan and Shinichiro respected that. And you respected him by not being controlling and letting him do what he wants. The only rule was to not smoke before meeting you and while he was with you.
Mikey sat beside his brother watching him work with a big smile. “One day I’ll be just like you, Shin.”
At the age of twenty one Shinichiro smoked cigarettes way more often. He was stressed. He disbanded the Black Dragon and opened up his new bike shop. Of course it all went well, but he didn’t know when to stop. He overworked himself and spent almost all of his days there. You came to visit him some days when you had free time, but you had been busy working as well. After all the two of you wanted to start renting out a place together and you needed the money. You stoped bugging Shin about the smell of cigarettes and kissed him even after he smoked. The two of you were always working and you tried to cherish every minute you could be together.
At the age of twenty two you had already been living together. Everything was going great and the two of you couldn’t be happier. Shinichiro was living the life of his dreams with you by his side and he knew it was time for more. It was time to take the next step. He decided to buy you a ring and propose. With the help of his closest friends Wakasa, Takeomi and Benkei he found the perfect ring and they planned a perfect proposal. He swore he could feel his heart explode with excitement. You will finally become a Sano.
At the age of twenty three Shinichiro lost his life. It was tragedy which no one expected. And the fact that it was caused by his younger brother’s friends made the situation way more heartbreaking. A jacket which always hung in his shop, was given to you by his grandfather. And in the pocked you found something that you probably shouldn’t have.
You attended his funeral dressed in all black and with an engagement ring on your finger. “You’re Shinichiro’s girlfriend/boyfriend/partner right?” A guy asked. He was a member of the Black Dragon before it disbanded and you only met him once before. “No. I’m his fiancé.”
At the age of twenty four you became addicted to cigarettes, because only they brought you comfort. The smell reminded you of your dead lover and that was enough for now. You smoked when you were out with Shinichiro’s and now your friends, you smoked in restaurants, you smoked in parks, you smoked inside your own home. Whenever you needed to feel Shinichiro’s presence, you took out a lighter and a pack of cigarettes out of the jacket that was given to you after his death.
We'll find moonlit nights strangely empty
Because when you call my name through them
There will be no answer
Rather melodramatic, aren't you?