| SHAME TO RUIN IT WITH ALL THAT MEAT ( VERSE ) - Tumblr Posts

◙ | “ are you asking me out          on a ( date ) doctor bloom ? “ note the emphasis on a single word  i’m sure     it’s simple to guess which.                               “ s’bit  forward  don’t                                                     you think -- ? “ 

@adroitbedfellows

“We are not in a relationship.”

There’s the pause.

Yep, right there.

“But could I ask you to assuage my limitless boredom and come out to a faculty dinner with me? You like to talk. You can deflect all the questions I don’t want to answer.”

◙ | getting up is not an option, let alana do it, let  the wounded keep walking  ---  less a craving for  glares & a smack on the wrists burn beneath the  cage of your chest.  ---  but a wince does silently  settle between tattletale teeth. please be careful.       “ the best poets are              those one never expects     ----                  ( a pause at question.                                 glance dip down, & up. )                   no.               worrying about me                                                  doctor bloom? “ 

“I can and am. And then some.” She has to stand on toes to reach the bowl of sugar– it exposes a sliver of back, a rough, jagged slope of scar tissue that shots up her spine. She winces quietly. Cold weather, no good for any of this. But she pushes the bowl toward the other. Breath out. In. “Not much for poetry. I’ve adapted metaphor without meaning to,” a pause, and her head cocks– distracted, “How are you other than suspicious and present? –What brings you here?” Are you okay?

◙ |“ forgive me for not being                 familiar with you courtesy --- “   tips trace the sides of glass, warm. comforting.  alana was not easily touchable, nor warm.but in common,she was comforting. very much so.                         “ are you interested in my affairs? “

She appreciates that Freddie doesn’t try. it’s nice, to think she can manage on her own from time to time. She’s sick to death of having that taken from her. It happens too frequently for her to be comfortable. Indifference doesn’t suit her, but neither does overbearing need.

Sip, coffee. (Very hot. Keeps on anyway.)

Flinch. Title.

“No. It’s not concern. It’s that way people politely express interest in someone else’s affairs. I’m being courteous. Or trying to.”

◙ | smile smirk. flashback - brief.  but moans &  gasp echo in ears for a moment. grasp & clutch - skin, & sheets - sex, unbridled& fiery.   back to reality, tongue peeking between lips.             “ so if i dance like a monkey to impress your                  colleagues ----       what’s in it for me ? “ 

There’s that pause again.

“No. Do you consider the psychology department a date?”

“Um. I think we’ve passed forward at least twenty orgasms back. I think we’re at the point where it should be unsurprising, me hoping you’ll entertain my colleagues.”

◙ | sight, set - swoon. internal of course, the literal would  be positively preposterous.   emerald silk sways at heels as body shifts for better views in the crowd of victims&of villains & of poor unfortunate souls. &  a sip champagne.  oh,it seems the journalist’s princess has a watch set four  minutes too fast. fleeing before the clock strikes twelve& one year ends, while another begins. & following.   quick.  easier to catch a cat when they can’t run properly.    fact.  5.. 4.. 3 ---                     “ alana ----                               ( catch, wrist - tug, dip. )                          2... 1                      ----- nice dress. “                               ( & kiss, god what a kiss. ) 

@adroitbedfellows

She doesn’t know how she winds up at this entertaining shindig. Actually, she does. It’s because her life has been commandeered by people insisting she behave in polite social circles. Somehow, this leads her to drinking from the same watering hole as Frederick Chilton. She’s made the mistake of hobbling around in a sleek black dress, the unapologetic scarring that marks her spine vividly visible to the public. Appropriately, she hears the scandalized whispers. No one asks questions yet but she’s waiting. It’s four minutes to midnight when she catches sight of a head of bronze curls that can only belong to one person. Suddenly, the walk to the driveway into her car seems endless. She wants to leave with great urgency.

◙ | gentle nods, the slight recoil was expected - though in honesty  the intensity was predicted to reach a much higher level.  this was  more acceptable, more appreciated.     holding alana was the first  action of freddie’s year & touching, comforting. kissing. a bliss akin  to no other combination, sensation. &brief, but so very memorable. soft tone. whispering for no one,  for no apparent reasoning. quiet.                  “ okay ---    ( there isn’t &                                             will not be an apology )                     i wasn’t followed. ----- ( simple hair brush )                     can you get out?      my car is at the back. “

Sudden touch at her wrist and her heart stops for the quickest second (it feels like having her ankle tugged and it feels like that tremulous trip up the stairs and bruised knees and–) but she finds herself instinctively turned, shifted moved– Kissed. She doesn’t ask for how her nails wander up into tresses and lightly rake through, find purchase there to a moment that’s accidental. There’s a sharp, threaded tremble. She shoulders Freddie at the chest sharp, feigns a duck in to press against. Feigns. Surely. Before a partially turned head exposes an eye, cheek rested, “I have to go. Chilton’s here. I didn’t know.” It’s not like Alana Bloom to flee from a fight. It is like her to run from what’s going to be a humiliating degradation of her career.

◙ | ouch. -- okay, so words can wound in a way so unique. sharper than any blade on earth or other. & slice - as said, drive & twist. --  misunderstanding can be so powerful and confusion, concern,fear. all can play a heavy hand in such.               “ alana ---                    h o n e s t l y.                                  that wasn’t my intention.  ( a breath )                                  please  don’t snap at me for trying to                                 keep some sort of normalcy between                                 us            --- it’s all i know at this point. “ 

“I’m not familiar with my courtesy either,” why does she feel on trial? “I can’t say I blame you.” Watches Freddie’s hand move where it does. It’s a little mesmerizing, how gradual it is. Eyes snap up. Feels caught. “I’m interested in the understanding of your safety. But, since you’re so incapable of comprehending why and you’d prefer instead to drive it into me like a knife, I’m not interested at all. So you can go ahead and let it go.” She doesn’t enjoy humiliation. She gets enough of it.

◙ | a long silence, a steady tick & tock of a watch, a clock.  of time slowing sinking away.  & reaching, touching, light. the brush of thumb a ghost of a gesture.   a deep sighing.                 “ & i apologize for being --- ( you know )                                              alana, i just wanted to see you. be                                              here for you. --      & selfishly, i was                                              alone &   wanting of your company. “

“Don’t insult me in some mockery of normalcy. We don’t have that anymore. We did, once, but I can’t keep up. Don’t bother with the pretense, Freddie. I think we’re more than coy flirtation by now.” Begrudgingly. Would that the normalcy could be there. Would that it was just that shallow. Lean back. (She thinks about dipping a finger into the absurdly hot concoction. Thinks about the burn. Endorphins. Silences the desire.) “You don’t have to– affect some airs. It’s not necessary,” a breath. Hand twitch, “I apologize. For bristling.”

◙ |    “    it’s okay ....                                               --- of course.                    party was a dull affair anyhow.    “ listening, understanding. no questions asked, or saved for  a later date. black & white, simple & sane.   alana needed  her, &she was going to be there.without jest of judgement.  a kiss to pitch locks, arm light over shorter shoulders.&walk to the drives’ end. to a car on automatic start.   a quick exit.                                           “ --- the seats are heated. “

“I’d caught a ride with Jack, but I think it’s possible he’s being a reasonable distraction.” A glance up. Edge of jaw, eyes meeting patiently. She thinks of a space to brush lips and doesn’t. “I would like to be led out, please. Preferably around the problem. I’ve felt too many eyes on me tonight. This isn’t really the way I’d planned to begin my year. Jack insisted,” the way he does, the only way he knows how to try. “Just take me home.”

◙ |       “ satisfaction ----- “  this request is vague, & could go  a number of ways,       directions.                                     “ ----- silk sheets. “  that request, however - very clear. 

Watches Freddie, eyes intent. She sees the pause, and she’s pleased with herself. As desired, she’s triggered memory with– shall we say vulgar language. Not so much, she could’ve been far more uncouth. Still, pleased.

“That depends.”

A pause, thoughtful and heavy.

“What is it you want?”

◙ |“ not the sort i was implying ---- “ a sly sort of smile that melts into something  softer, kinder. &    more emotionally backed.                              “ it’s delightful in gesture, i can’t lie. “  covert ; just say it’s a date, bloom. 

Smile. Easy. Wider. She can do that. (In a favorable color, too.) “Certainly. As for satisfaction, isn’t it enough to know I’m extending the invitation…?”

Covert, To know I want you and trust you in the most imperative part of my life.

◙ |“ oh no matter -             you’ll figure it out later,             you’re a very smart girl. “  a dance it is, one well rehearsed & simple  in sequence.  so familiar it’s like breathing.                             “ an evening of suffering with you. “ 

“So which sort are you implying?”

She can play this game. And she will play it, gladly. They fall into step, and the dance is very easy.

“An evening suffering my colleagues? You’ll have to keep up with the psychological banter. Exhaustive, really. But tolerable, in the right close quarters.”

@defenestratio // continued from this

◙ | it’s been  TWO WEEKS -- torturous &terrible&tiring.  aching without anchor. addiction can drive people to madness.  release, regroup, regrip. kiss as fingers clutch at throat. gentle in its aggression.         “ don’t act like you didn’t                                         m i s s    m e  ------------- “ 

◙ | thumb upwards, press & pull at the bottom petal  of just parted lips. familiar,    sticky sort of sweet that  could make sugar infused honey envious.  good girl.               “ you missed me enough to                                                beg   for     it   .  “  steals a kiss,or rather the ghost of such. unsatisfying purpose. fingers curl --- i wanna feel your heart  beat. 

Blues eyes up. Flick, swift, translucent on navy. Lips part, and a small breath escapes. Wanting purr, willing press against fingertips. W a n t.

“Did I….?” Comes the question, a rough, soft purr, held somewhat still, “Tell me how much I missed you.”

Tell me. I’d like you to put the words in my mouth.

◙ |“ tell me you missed me.                      tell me         ---------------------- “    free hand down, clever work at a tie - tugs. & lets  a dress unravel, lets GIFT unwrap. one without a price, & one never being returned. a pause, head tilt. clutch tightening  --  lips lean to whisper at ear.                “ tell me you missed my tongue between your                   thighs      & my fingers working you until your                  knees buckle    --------- tell me you missed me. “ 

She lightly bites the edge of a thumbnail with a satisfied purr of a sound. She is good. She gets whatever she wants as long as she behaves. (Or she gets punished if she doesn’t. All these things are fine.)

Dazed glance up. Lean forward, to try to gather up what’s not given. Wantwantwantwant.

“Beg?” She asks, and it means to be defiant, but instead it’s dizzy sounding.

“That’s a very purposeful missing.”

◙ | unexpected. --- & eyes meet. brief before  kiss. kiss &   kiss deeply, darkly, & damaging.  breath shared, breast to breast. heat &heart. don’t say it, don’t.   feelings are for the weak. falling is for the weak, & heavy hearted fools.  sigh into it, into HER. fuck,  this was the end. the death of own heart, mind,  of own SOUL.        “ i think i can manage a little                   ( sigh, breathy chuckle )     reminder. “  & kiss, kiss. long - lingering again. coming up for air was a very extreme last option, & hand slips downwards,  teasing the top of that lace.  she is lost in you.   stupidly. 

oh. Delightful. There’s the softest measure of gooseflesh left in the wake of the motion. Black lace underwear, both of which match. (Everything does. Not a special occasion, just Alana.)

Softest mewl, kittenish, begging without words.

“I’m not sure I missed it,” somehow, somehow managing logical speech. God only knows how, “I could use a refresher course, just to be reminded.”

Tug closer, a little more sincere, oddly lacking where sexual is concerned, much more strictly affectionate.

She did miss you. Stupidly.

◙ | “ even if i   wanted   to    -----              we both know how utterly impossible                         such an idea is   ..... “  fingers that clutch shift, tilting chin. allowing access for  lips, for hungry open mouthed kisses.tongue mapping out the trail from pulse to ear.teeth scrape the shell of sound just so, gently - carefully.   sweet, never satanic.  other fingertips dip below fabric, sheer & so very much  in the way of what she wants, of what they want. god.  i  love  you  so  much.        ( & whisper )                                    “ do you want to go lie down                                        before those pretty legs give out ? “ 

Mewl. Air? Unfamiliar. Only knows that for lips to part in a soft, pleasant gasp, hands tugging closer. Want want want want want– “Mhm,” breathy again, useless. Cheeks flush– porcelain doll dark pink, eyes flicking up, dark blue and pale glacial. Wants to claw at her desperately, convey all she can that way. Begging, soft, hands can’t find a place. Twitch. Want to touch. Yes/no? (Wants to tell her how much she means here, suddenly. What a terrible thought. Control it.) Dark lashes and heavy breath, all scars and gooseflesh. Head duck, pupils blown, voice dark and infinite, “Thought you’d– forgotten about me.” Whimpering puppy. Love me love me love me love me–

◙ |“ okay -      it’s your               f u n e r a l   bloom. “   a shush, muted in the flesh of the doctor’s neck. then a pull back,    a complete loss of contact to  pull own shirt over head. skin, warm & silk touch hands back to stations, aggressive   in adoration. touch me dammit,  stupid silly woman.   hold me.  fingers find content between milky white thighs&  slip lower, curling just enough to tease, to torture.  a purr, what mouth wouldn’t say -the body would.  kiss,clutch to caress.love ruins fucking, oh it does. 

“Is, isn’t it?”

The softest murmur god she’s so gone she’s so gone she’s so gone. Pupils unfocused, she’s trying to look. She almost can’t, almost can’t. She’s trying to keep composed.

What’s composed who’s composed how does composure–

Again, a whine. Louder. Want to touch want to touch want to touch, desperate to touch, please touch, please touch–

“Mmm-mmm,” It’s a no. She just– wants, she wants and she wants and she wants, and she doesn’t care about anything else, doesn’t care because she’s missed Freddie, she’s missed Freddie, and the feeling is almost saddening, almost like throwing things into a void where her heart was, “I don’t–”

She’s losing words.

@defenestratio // wants fluff so. 

◙ | “ cinnamon ? -----                                 really  ? “ 

◙ |           “ indeed , i am ---- “ 

Offended.

Only a little.

“In my hot chocolate? –Yes.”

….”Are you calling me ridiculous?”