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What to do when you've crossed a line?

C.(S). Jeonghan x Reader | WC. 821 | G. Angst| Pt. 1/? |

Part 2 | Part 3

You were used to your best friend’s antics. His “cheating”, the pranks and general everyday shenanigans but also the kind-hearted soul and caring nature he hid behind every antic. You didn’t know where along the way your feelings matured into a storm of butterflies whenever he came in sight. You could kid yourself into thinking that everyone cared that much about their friends, best friends even, and the feelings would pass. How many months does an average crush last? At least 37 months, right? You were simply guessing and definitely not keeping track of how many times he caused you to stay awake thinking of a fantasy future. 

Having feelings for your best friend was one thing, holding yourself back from giving the side eye to every person who flirted with him was another feat. How often had these moments been replayed, hot person flirts with Jeonghan, he entertains them, and you remain in the corner, out of sight, silently seething but ultimately unable to do anything. 

If he asked you to fly him to the moon, you would do so without question. Hide a dead body? All you needed to do was grab a shovel, but be a bridge to him and whoever he wanted to go home with that night. You could take a rain check. 

You got out of it often given how many of your mutual friends were present at the events and parties you all attended but it seemed that your luck ran out. Tonight, most of your friends either ditched the party early or had skipped out completely, leaving you to find a plausible excuse as to why you, in love with your best friend, could not talk him up to someone so said best friend could go home with them whilst you were left behind wondering what it would be like if you two went home together instead.

You became standoffish, faked fatigued, and pretended to be tipsy but he saw through your antics, confused with your behaviour until he resorted to tugging your arm repeatedly, pestering you to go over and rizz him up to some good-looking person who had been eyeing him all night.

Why did he need a wing person anyway? It's not like he had any trouble talking to people given his charm, mischievous aura and drop-dead gorgeous looks, he attracted people left and right, like a thirst-ridden nomad to an oasis. 

His persistence, on a normal day, would have eventually broken you down until you might have just walked up to whoever he needed you to, but something snapped inside you the longer you stared, wondering if you would be at the end of his affection. His eagerness shattered your short-lived fantasy but also wrecked your mood, unable to withstand being in that space, you pulled your arm out of his grasp and stormed out of the party. 

You didn’t stop to look back, walking out of the party room, out the building and towards your apartment, a mere five-minute walk. The chilly autumn weather would have caused you to mentally nitpick to have worn something thicker but your anger fuelled the passion to speed walk to the only safe space you could think of. 

Jeonghan had come after you, yet his hollers of your name fell on deaf ears as you were determined to block out all the external noise and finish your trek back home.

Catching up to you, he grabbed your upper arm, both fumbling you in your step and spinning you around right into his chest. 

“Y/N what the hell is the problem?” 

You avoid his eyes, cross your arms and look anywhere except directly at him.

“Are you going to stand there pouting or tell me what's wrong? Why did you storm out?” He waits for an answer, a fruitless endeavour against your current ego.

The sigh that leaves his mouth signals his own frustration at your lack of cooperation. He begins again hoping you answer at least one of his questions.

“Was it the tugging? I’m sorry if it bothered you too much…” Silence... “Are you drunk? Are you feeling sick?” 

His questions increased, asking you about the day, the party and even whether you liked the vibe of who he was trying to go home with to understand what the issue was, and that got on your last nerve

“I’M IN LOVE YOU DAMN IT!”

It's like a weight on your heart had been lifted but his expression only brought on a much heavier boulder on your heart and a knot in your throat. If you stayed here any longer you would begin crying and that was the last damn thing you needed tonight.

“Forget it, you don’t even care…”

You shake off his grip for the second time that night and storm off to your apartment with more urgency than before because now you’ve officially crossed the line in your friendship.

What to do when you've crossed a line?

C.(S). Jeonghan x Reader | WC. 938 | G. Angst| Pt. 2/? |

Part 1 | Part 3

Too anxious to wait for the lift, you sprint to your 4th-floor home, fumbling the code to the door before finally getting inside, and slamming it behind you. 

All the emotions you’ve held in the entire evening, especially since you confessed to your best friend and perhaps since you even realized your feelings, begin to pour out. 

Choked sobs escape your throat and you sink to your knees. 

You didn’t want things to unfold this way if you only could have kept your jealousy at bay, one. last. time. None of this would have erupted the way it did if you kept your cool.

Picking yourself off the floor, you lug your body over to the couch falling face-first onto the cushions, resuming your personal pity party.

Eventually, your cries die down and you drift off to sleep, still in your clothes from the party, tears staining your cushions with the hues of your blush and mascara.

Each passing hour makes your heartache, the pain resonating in your entire body, exhausting you to the point where you can’t seem to do much else than sit up or lie down.

Three days pass without so much as a text much less a physical appearance from Jeonghan. Your friends, on the other hand, have been ringing non-stop a few even going so far as to visit your apartment to get you to eat and do more than just mope around in your sorrow.

On the fourth day, you’ve had enough. You wipe your tears and take a shower, hoping the water will drain away your sorrows and if not, at least just the fatigue you’ve felt the past half of the week. Making a mission to begin getting over him, he didn’t care about your feelings so why waste any more tears.

The best way to forget someone is to remove them from your life. You walk around your apartment looking for all and signs of your friendship with Jeonghan, angrily grabbing any small knick-knack and article of clothing he’s left in your apartment and chucking it into a plastic garbage bag to rid of just like he seemed to be the past four days.

With the last of one of his stupid gifts put on top of the pile in the bag, you tie a few knots and lug the bag near your door as a reminder to throw it out.

The days you spent moping around didn’t make the world stop meaning you had also missed a few lectures by the plethora of text messages from your friends and groupmates concerned at your lack of attendance. You couldn’t afford to miss any more days so after ridding your home of any reminders of your crush, you went off to get dressed and presentable to make your long-awaited appearance on campus. Praying you can mask your sadness long enough to avoid any questions about you being MIA the last few days.

You had texted your best friend Jisoo letting her know of your plans and she so kindly offered to walk with you to your shared class.

“You look…” she started, giving you a once over the minute you walked out of the building entrance. “Not a word,” you warned, not wanting to get into the nitty-gritty of why you looked as you did.

You tried to put in effort, dressing in something comfortable but also stylish. Maybe in due time your brain would conflate how you were dressed to remedy your sour mood today.

The day had mostly been without a hiccup, you pushed your feelings to the back of your mind and dived right into your studies, catching up with the missed lectures and offering apology coffee and snacks to the groupmates you left in the dark, maybe everything would be okay.

Walking to the library your friend mentions what you’ve been avoiding nearly all day.

“So you and Jeonghan…? What happened?”

You feel your stomach coil at the mention of his name. The noise and rush around you warping into slow motion.

Jeonghan Jeonghan Jeonghan. His name repeated in your head like a chant, the drumming of his name vibrating across your entire body.

Your brain couldn’t process whether you should snap at your friend for speaking his name or break down in tears over the recollection the events of several nights prior, where you effectively ruined your well-built friendship in the heat of the moment and the man of your affection didn’t even bother to reach out the past week.

Speak of the devil it seems because as you tried to find the words to explain your conundrum, he appeared.

“Y/N!”

Eyes shoot up to meet the pair that you’ve secretly been longing to see despite trying to delude yourself into thinking you couldn't care less about him.

He looked dishevelled. Hair messy, clothes crumpled, and wrinkly, and dark circles painted under his eyes. Making his way towards you, frantic and in a rush, pushing past everyone in his way. 

The face you’ve so longed to see, but couldn't bear to face. The closer his steps marched towards you, the more you panicked until your body had enough and ignited your fight or flight response. You turn and bolt, away from your friend, but more importantly away from facing your fears, one more time.

Sprinting as fast as your feet can carry you, books in hand, bag swinging viciously on your side, weaving through the crowd of people, you find yourself headed on a similar path as “that” night, your home your safe space.

What to do when you've crossed a line?

C.(S). Jeonghan x Reader | WC. 1218 | G. Angst| Pt. 3/? | *Jeonghan's POV* |

Part 1 | Part 2

When someone you care for deeply, tell all your secrets to and want to spend all your time with blurts out a love confession to you in the middle of the night, what possible responses could you come up with? 

You could tell them thank you. You could maybe get by with an awkward “oh”. If you weren’t completely caught off guard you could maybe start questioning them. When? Where? How long? Why? And with just their luck you could respond with “finally” but none of those responses came out of Jeonghan when Y/N confessed to him.

Why? Well because…

Why? Why? Why? Because, because, because had been swimming around in his head for days. He didn’t dare to stop you from walking away or chase after you and he stood there, frozen and shocked, watching you walk away from him. 

You needed space, he reasoned with himself, so he walked away, towards his apartment, repeating your words over and over in his head 

“I’m in love with you” “You don’t even care”

He always had an answer for everything. His tongue short, witty, ready for any comment, but never had he felt like he had escaped the ability to think of words much less get them out of his mouth, only yours stayed, knocking around in his head. 

He was a coward, that much evident that he couldn’t even pick up the phone to press your contact. Fear and worry were holding him back but at the same time limiting him. How long can you avoid speaking to your best friend? His friends tried to pry why he suddenly became AWOL for the last three days; he couldn’t even give them an answer.

*Ping* “Where have you been the past few days?” - Mingyu *Ping* “There is a new restaurant near campus, I’ll pay” - Jun *Ping* “How long are you gonna be cooped up at home?” - Seungkwan *Ping* “Are you good?” - Hyungwon *Ping* “You haven’t been to class for a while…everything ok?” - Joshua *Ping* “It’s literally midterm season, are you studying or avoiding exams?” - Woozi

Not a single notification interested him, he knew none of them were yours. How had he taken your presence for granted and now all he wished were for you to message him, even if it was to curse at him, call him names; anything at all would have worked.

Jeonghan hadn’t been hurt in love. He’d fallen in love and fallen out. He’d had his fair of crushes and partners, but you can never prepare for falling in love with your best friend. Losing your most cherished friend comes with a feeling of hollowness, one that leaves you feeling restless and alone. He couldn’t lose you, not like this anyway. He hadn’t eaten, sleep wouldn’t come easy no matter how much he wished it to. He checked his phone despite knowing full well you would never in a million years reach out after the situation he had created for you two. 

Four days was how long it took for Seungcheol to bust down his door and drag him out of the house. 

“You can’t be inside for this long. You need to get out of the house…maybe even clean it up”

Walking up to his bed, Seungcheol pulls off the covers and grabs a hold of Jeonghan’s arms, pulling the man towards him haphazardly trying to get him to a standing position.

Seungcheol’s strength was unmatched, and the most Jeonghan could do was continue being deadweight and cause him enough resistance until Seungcheol let him be, but his friend was nothing if not fucking persistent. Any other time, Jeonghan would appreciate it but he couldn’t find it within himself to face the world, what if everyone laughed at him?

Letting him go, Jeonghan falls back into the lying position Seungcheol had found him in, attempting to sleep without avail.

“She’s on campus today,” Seungcheol mentioned in a tone so nonchalant, hands on hips as if Jeonghan wasn’t mentally beating himself up all week trying to figure out how he could see your face. “Don’t lie to me” “Why would I need to lie to you? I know you probably haven’t seen her in the last four days like a coward,” he replies as he walks towards Jeonghan’s closet. “I saw her as at the campus café after my morning lecture.”

Despite never properly admitting how enamoured he was by you, Jeonghan had spilled everything from the day of the party over the phone to Seungcheol two nights ago. From the dejection in his voice, yet the coolness of his words gave away the façade he was still trying to put up; he was only hurt that his best friend confessed and stopped speaking to him, which was also his fault for enacting by not even a weak effort to leave a voicemail.

The wheels were turning in his head, maybe if Seungcheol could get them to see each other there could still be some salvage to their friendship and perhaps a potential beginning to a future being something more.

Wide-eyed and frozen, Jeonghan’s face is met with a thump of the hoodie and jeans.

“Here, put this on and get down to the car in the next 15 minutes,” Seungcheol yells out walking out of the room.

Never in his life had he rushed to dress faster. He had to see you today and clear up everything, if he didn’t, he could kiss you and your friendship goodbye. 

Seungcheol had said 15 minutes as a courtesy, he hadn’t expected Jeonghan to surge into his car, 7 minutes later, hair a mess, shoes untied (were they on the wrong foot?), phone in hand, yet not even a pencil on him—if he hadn’t picked out the hoodie himself he would have thought a random stranger burst into his car. 

“Let's go,” Jeonghan breathes out, clearly spent from sprinting out of his apartment. “Whoa, hold on, are you going to go to campus like this?” “Nobody is going to care, just drive” “...ok…don’t say I didn’t give a chance to change,” Seungcheol reprimands as he starts the car and begins to reverse out of the parking lot.

The ride to the campus is silent save for Jeonghan’s fingers drumming against in thigh, then the dashboard, then the edge of the door, then again on his thigh.

“Can you maybe not use my car as a drum set?” “I can’t help it. What if Y/N doesn’t let me explain?” “What exactly do you plan to say?” questions Seungcheol.

He knew Jeonghan could likely talk himself out of a literal court case but if he hadn’t been able to face his feelings for you before…His hopes were low.

Pin drop silence. He had been planning all the possible scenarios and speeches he could utter the minute he found the presence of your face in his vicinity, promising himself to not let you walk away again.

“..i..”

The ever-infamous smooth talker Yoon Jeonghan was once again brought into debilitating silence, as if speech was foreign to his lips and thoughts vanished completely.

What was he going to say to you, could he even say anything to you that would make up for how he ghosted you since that night?

Worst of all, would you forgive him?

What to do when you've crossed a line?

C.(S). Jeonghan x Reader | WC. 1367 | G. Angst| Pt. 4/? |

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

The door shuts with a bang as you lean against it, catching your breath. 

With your eyes closed, you remember his face. 

Tired. Exhausted. Relieved. Concerned. Shocked. Emotion painted on in a blend of colours, hanging to each crease of his brow and lips.

He was a mess, more so than you’ve ever seen him

Why were you feeling concerned for his well-being? If anything, you should worry about yourself. Four days and the place you had to see him was on campus after things had been running relatively smoothly all day. Turning your head to the side, your sights fell on the bag you had made this morning—all your tangible memories stuffed in that 23 by 64-inch bag. 

You turn your body and move closer to it. Untying the double knot of the black bag, you pull out a figure of Wall-E made out of Lego, Jeonghan having the other half, Eve.  

You had started building Legos together as a joke to escape the stress of finals and the impending assignment deadlines two semesters ago which became a designated stress reliever, finals or not, you would scour the internet and save up for sets that you both liked.

“You’re doing it wrong, that’s not how the piece fits” “It’s literally what the instruction shows” “No no! That’s not the right piece”

The first Lego set you brought home had no one set design, just a wide range of pieces and instructions to make whatever you wanted but it seemed that you both found it funny to insult the creation the other wanted to make causing you to bicker over every attempt to build something together.

It was worse when you bought a more complicated set from your favourite series The Lord of the Rings—a Rivendell set. Figuring out the intricate details and piecing together the entire design put the two of you on each other’s nerves. It got so bad that you had to cool off in separate rooms and when you came back, Jeonghan sat back just watching you complete the set to avoid more fighting.  

You learned you two couldn’t build together unless you were working on completely different sets which prompted you two to buy multiple Lego sets so you could parallel play like children on the living room floor.

Long hours of just making your designated Lego set, music on low volume in the background, snacks at your side and you would find yourself looking over to see him completely focused on his piece without another care in the world. You caught yourself often, in those times, letting your gaze linger to his figure for just a while longer, turning away before he had the chance to meet your eyes.

Placing the Lego Wall-E on the floor you reach in to find a hoodie, navy blue with “MARK THE MOMENT” printed on the front.

On a seemingly clear spring day, the two of you headed out near his apartment to build a stash of snacks to sustain the two of you for a movie marathon that weekend, a celebration for finishing midterms.

Walking into the shop with blue skies, you two emerged with a heavy downpour. Had you thought of potential weather uncertainty, you would’ve worn a thicker or even full-sleeved t-shirt. Jeonghan had been more prepared, wearing that same navy hoodie you clutched in your hands, as he held the bags of your store haul.

Ready to make a run for it, he turns to you. Doubt and concern sported on your face.

Placing the bags in his hands on the ground, he begins to shed himself of his hoodie. Passing it over to you once it's off. Despite himself in just a t-shirt he urges you to put on his hoodies.

“Don’t argue, I’ll be fine” “You’ll get wet though” “We both will, but you have more to lose with the thin shirt you have on,”

Wanting to get home faster, and the rain clearly not willing to let up any time soon, you throw on the hoodie.

“We run on 3” he beams, picking the bags back up but this time both in one hand.”1….2……3!”

You don’t expect him to tuck his hand into yours and pull you forward, beginning your race against the overcast to his apartment.

It's then, the two of you soaked, laughing and running against the rain, you feel your heart flutter. It had been doing that for a little while these days, but only when you found your gaze settled on your best friend. His smile, contagious and his laugh ringing in your ear like a symphony, everyone else? Background noise. Nobody, nothing, mattered more than his hand in yours, pulling you in a frenzy through the streets desperate to seek shelter, despite water reaching your skin a sharp contrast to the heat and fuzzy feeling creeping across your entire body.

Continuing your journey through memory lane, you pull a stack of polaroids and one of your old disposable cameras—one which was yet to be developed.

Polaroids, some blurry, others confusing without context but one in particular, a haphazardly taken selfie from last summer. Staring straight into the camera, Jeonghan’s arm reaches around your head, as his hand grabs the underside of your face, pushing together your cheeks, giggling at your dismay. He snapped a picture before you could get away from his grasp. Your eyes shut, lips both frowning and pouting and his hand smushing your cheeks together like you were a child.

You stare at the picture a bit longer, wishing to go back to summer, a time in which your worries had all but disappeared, it was just you and him.

You dig around the bag until you find what you’re looking for. The beanie. Brown and now a bit worn due to use.

Whenever the colder season began, it would be the perfect weather for hats and beanies in the morning but by lunchtime, Jeongan’s beanies would either be in your bag or lazily stuffed in one of his pockets, much too hot to put on his head. It would be one of the things he would leave around your home and so you would often collect them and deliver them back before he had the chance to complain about how his hats seemed to be disappearing.

This particular beanie was a gift, from him to you, though it ended up as a shared article of clothing. Pulling it off each other’s head to sport it on your own was a childish game you enjoyed partaking in. Despite a million times you fought to wear the beanie, your fondest memory was tied to a bittersweet day. An exam that particularly seemed to disrupt your academic career ended in a less-than-ideal conclusion. You held it in all day, but the minute you saw him, all bets were off, one question was all it took for you to start bawling in the middle of the library.

Unable to understand your sudden outburst and concern for you, he pulls off the brown beanie, sticking it over your head and pulling down the sides over your eyes, concealing your sorrow from the world. The suddenness of his actions startled you, your crying abruptly cut short during his ministrations to straighten the beanie on your head. Now silent, you sat across from him contemplating the situation.

“Wow…I didn’t think that would work…” “…why…did you do..that?” you ask, sniffing, still blinded by the fabric constricting your view.

He shrugs to an imaginary audience, forgetting that you can’t see him.

“Hold on stay like that, I’m gonna take a picture," he explains before giving you a proper explanation of his thought process.

Face red, tears drying on your cheeks, beanie pulled too far down, your lips a thin line, the profile picture he still kept as your contact.

You laugh at the ridiculous memory, which despite your best tries, turns into tears, once again crying over how messed up everything has become.

You can’t rid yourself of these items, just like you can’t throw away your feelings. Each and every memory tattooed to the depths of your mind, how would you remove those?