Setauketloyalties: T. Woodhull. - Tumblr Posts
"I have no doubts that you served your country well, Mister Woodhull." Her lips pressed together into a sheepish smile. Soldiers were always an enigma in her mind. Boys forced to become men, and then forced to become whatever they were needed to be. It was similar to that of a lady's, if she dissected it closely enough, but the dancefloors of soirees and trials of courtships were different than any of the battlefields Thomas must've stepped foot on.
She does feel sorry for him, but not in a patronizing way. She does not pity him, necessarily, as much as mourns the peace he might've had if his own life hadn't been stolen from him. Much the way she mourned her own life that had been left behind in Northumberland. Feeling sorry for the way their lives had played out was fruitless, but that didn't mean they weren't allowed to grieve all the what-ifs.
His touch is gentle and it strikes her as odd, how a single gesture can open a Pandora's box of emotions in her heart. Moments like this remind her of her childhood, of the afternoons when her and Charlotte would lounge in the grass, braiding together daisy chains while Marabeth complained about bugs. Annelise had always been annoyed with her eldest sister for always having something to complain about, but, after a decade apart from her family, she would give anything to hear her sister whine about anything, just one more time. If she were to close her eyes and awaken in her mind's idea of a perfect place, Anne thinks it would be something like this. No expectations, no judgements. No secrets or ghosts of her past looming in the distance. Just the freedom to exist amidst the serenity of nature and comfort of companionship.
Anne's eyes linger on his hand as her mind trails off on its own accord. She desperately wished she could believe his words, believe that not all things were temporary. Time, life, happiness. They were all fleeting moments, only made valuable by being short-lived. If she were still the idealistic girl she'd been in her youth, Anne might've dared to hope that certain things were meant to last, but her rose-tinted lenses had shattered long ago, along with her life as Annelise Shawcross.
"I would like to believe that, yes." Her smile was wistful as she lifted her gaze to meet his. "But how many good deeds does it take to outweigh the bad ones?"
Thomas had never questioned Anne much on her past. It was not as if he didn’t care— he truly did wish to know more about her. However, he worried that his own questions may open the door for her to question his past. He was careful about what he revealed. After all, he would be shunned if he were to reveal that his younger brother had been a common spy. Graciousness was already quite difficult to come by, he certainly did not need to make things more difficult for himself.
“It was my duty, and I did it to the best of my ability. You mustn’t feel sorry for me,” Thomas reassured her. Of course, he doubted himself on such. If he had been a truly good soldier and as intelligent as he once thought himself, would he not have seen his brother behaving like a common snake in a garden riddled with weeds? To think of it makes his heart hurt, so he pushes those thoughts away.
For a moment, he simply watches Anne. Admittedly, she is breathtaking. That is another thing he holds close. He is afraid to offer himself, especially his heart to others. If his own brother could betray him, how can he trust anyone else? But she is kind to him, her words never wounding his admittedly fragile heart. He has not noticed her staring at his bad leg, or laughing at his voices, as he has seen others do. Desperately, he wishes to trust her.
Thickly, he swallows at her words. As she said, all things were fleeting. It was a lesson he had certainly learned the hard way, by some cruel master.
“Please don’t worry,” Thomas reassured, gently reaching out his hand, his fingers brushing her hand. “Perhaps though, not all things are fleeting. Do you not believe that we will be awarded for good deeds in this life in the world to come?”