Satan And God - Tumblr Posts
God: Aziraphale. This is your judgment day.
Aziraphale: Well. I always tried to be a good Angel.
God: You fell for a demon.
Aziraphale: A Fallen Angel.
God: Same thing.
Satan: Not really.
God: Yes, it is.
Satan: No. We are the First Fallen. Don’t throw us in the same bag with basic demons.
Aziraphale: Exactly. I have standards.
God: Either way.
Aziraphale: Okay, I did. That’s not my fault.
God: You have acted on it. That is your fault.
Aziraphale: Technically that is your fault.
Satan: Oh!
God: A… what?
Aziraphale: You’ve created him. He’s your baby.
God: Well…
Aziraphale: So who made him beautiful?
Crowley: *turns red*
Satan: *snorts*
God: Aziraphale…
Aziraphale: So you’ve made him the prettiest Angel out there. And gave him the best personality. Made him a literal perfection.
Beelzebub: Ok, that’s subjective.
Aziraphale: You fell for Gabriel, you have no right to opinion.
Beelzebub: Hey!
Satan: He has a point.
Beelzebub: You shouldn’t even be involved in this. You’re subjective since you fancy Crowley.
Satan: It is called having a good taste. Which you don’t have.
Beelzebub: Gabriel has a personality he just doesn’t like you. Or Crowley.
Crowley: Good.
God: Anyway. Falling for him when he was an Angel makes no difference, Aziraphale, because when he became a Fallen Angel you still pursued him.
Crowley: He didn’t pursue me.
God: He pretended to be in danger and waited for you to rescue him.
Satan: I knew it.
Crowley: Wait, really?
Aziraphale: Lies and slander.
Crowley: *smirks*
Aziraphale: Well, that’s Satan’s fault.
Satan: What have I done this time?
Aziraphale: You made him even prettier.
Satan: Well, you don’t make your crushes uglier.
God: He has a point. You told me you jumped in to take Crowley out of boiling sulphur so he wouldn’t change. And then all you did was give him a tattoo and pretty snake eyes.
Crowley: Oh, yeah, I remember that.
Aziraphale: You were thrown into boiling sulphur?!
Satan: You didn’t tell him that?
Crowley: Why would I tell him that?
Aziraphale: I thought when you fall you have a nice demon take you to Hell! Like when I thought I fell and you came for me!
Satan: Oh boy.
Crowley: Well you were upset enough.
Random Angel: Awwh.
Aziraphale: So you, God, created the prettiest Angel with the best personality, then you kicked him out of Heaven, and Satan took over and made him even prettier. Where is my fault in this?
God and Satan: Well.
*silence*
Satan: You weren’t planning to do anything to them anyway, were you?
God: Yes, I did.
Satan: Oh, have a day off, what are we gonna do on Friday evenings if not watch catch up on these two. You’re gonna cancel my favourite tv show?
God: You are irresponsible.
Satan: You make all the decisions, I deserve this one. Aziraphale and Crowley, you’re free. Fuck off. Do your worst.
God: Do your best…!
*They’re both already gone*
*They just hear a mumbled “SATAN FANCIES YOU?! BOILING SULPHUR?!”*
God: NEXT!