Sakusa Kiyoomi Angst - Tumblr Posts

You went to bed before Kiyoomi.

You never do that. Ever since you’ve moved in with him, your nights end with a massive pile of cuddling limbs and sweet words of sticky nothings that have you cocooned and ready for a peaceful night.

But tonight, he snapped at you. Something about being too “irate” over “something small.”

He missed dinner. And normally, that wouldn’t be a massive issue for you. But he was with asshole of a PR member who’s been trying to get with him for months, calling themselves his “work babe.” Who were you to think nothing funny wasn’t going down?

It's not a lack of trust from Kiyoomi that has you choked up. It's a lack of trust with them.

You know more than anyone when kindness turns to love, it's the same thing that happened between you both, and it kills you to think they could preform the same spell and potentially take your man from you.

You tell yourself that if they can take him, they can have him.

But the idea hurts none the less.

It hurts enough where you're curled up on your side of the bed, far from Kiyoomi's, where his smell lingers and the coldness on your body isn't offset by his warmth like it usually is. You whimper and bury your face in the meat of your pillow when you hear the front door open, and a soft call of your name follows. You didn't even know he left, to be frank, but you don't say anything as he stalks into the bedroom with another call of your name.

"Are you awake?"

"Am now," you murmur.

"Can we please talk about things?" He sounds desperate, like he knows this is killing you, weighing you down like a sac of bricks and keeping you from him.

"You talk," you say, nodding into your pillow. "I have nothing to say."

"Okay. I understand."

A muscular arm reaches over your frame to reach for your hand, and when you don't put up a fight to keep his hand away, he sighs shakily.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers, linking his pinkie finger with yours. You screw your eyes shut and sniffle, and you hear him swallow thickly. “I was just so upset to know that you were right to worry-“

“What?”

“Wait- No!” He says quickly, panic in his voice. “No, wait, that’s not what I meant.” He’s never been good with his words. You let him continue, your heart sinking into your stomach all the same. He sighs shakily, “I meant that you were right about me being here. I should’ve been. We haven’t had dinner together in weeks, and I just… I got so caught up in new sponsorships and gigs that I wanted more, and I thought they had more to give.”

“They want you, Kiyoomi,” you mumble. “I see it. It’s the same way I bugged you when we first started dating, just to show how much I liked you. They’re doing that.”

“I know,” he sighs. Then, he pauses, squeezing your pinky, “I went to talk to them. Told them if they couldn't keep it professional and cut the shit, they can search for other clients. Because I don't want them making either of us uncomfortable anymore. And even if they did want me, I don't care.” He crawls over to you and bends slightly to have his head dangling in front of you, curls flipping upside down at the action. “Because I want you.”

You snort at the sight.

“So can we please cuddle, and you grab my teeth or sniff me or whatever feral thing you usually do?” He asks, leaning forward to kiss you on the nose. “Miss your stupid affections.”

“I miss giving them to you,” you say, moving a finger up slowly to try and pick his nose, just to make him squirm, a sign of a truce. He grunts and whips his head back, letting your laughter fill the room, rather than your tears. When you feel him sit back on his side of the bed, you take your time in flipping over, finally meeting his dark eyes again, filled with hope and adoration that has you falling in love with him all over again.

"You are irresistible," you say, reaching for his hand again.

"Don't care. I don't want anyone looking at me if it means you and I never fight again."

You laugh and gently kiss his hand, flicking your gaze up at him, "we'll go look at paper bags for you to wear this weekend."

He removes his hand from yours to gently cup your cheek, thumb stroking over the swells lovingly.

"It's a date."

ugh this was so good :((((

words can't describe how good it is

Always In My Heart (Sakusa Kiyoomi)

PAIRING: gn!reader x Sakusa Kiyoomi

SUMMARY: Now that you’re gone, Kiyoomi wishes he had something to remember you by.

interactions (comments and reblogs) are much appreciated! ♥︎

Sakusa Kiyoomi doesn’t like taking pictures. Not of himself, of other people, or even things. He’s never found much sense in doing it to be honest, and never got why people were so obsessed with sharing every single second of their lives with complete strangers around the world. It always annoyed him when he had to wait before he could start eating because his friends wanted to take pictures of the food, and he didn’t like it going cold.

But you loved them — that, he remembers.

“Come on, Omi,” you begged, squeezing your hands together and shooting him a wide, winning grin. “Just one pic.”

Sakusa pursed his lips, studying your face. He almost gave in, but what else could anyone expect when you had such a pretty smile?

“I really don’t see the point in taking pictures,” he murmured, busying himself with tying his shoelace instead. He knows that another single second of gazing into your beautiful eyes would make him fold. “You don’t even post them anywhere. Your Instagram is pretty much a blank profile.”

Your brows knit together as you gave him the most disappointed look he’d ever seen you wear, arms folded across your chest with a small pout on your lips that absolutely melted his heart.

It’s true that you don’t upload them, but you do adore taking pictures of things that you think are pretty, and Omi is gorgeous. You wish you had at least one picture of the two of you together.

“Well, don’t you want to remember this moment?”

With a soft smile —one of those he usually saved just for you—, he straightened up and placed his hands on your cheeks, squishing them together to make your pout more prominent. He pressed a gentle kiss against them, earning a slightly unwilling smile from you.

“I have an excellent memory. I don’t need pictures to remember anything, especially when it comes to you,” he explained. “Every single thing about you is forever etched in my memory.” After a short pause in which he admires your blushing face, he added, “And besides, I’d much rather enjoy every moment of my life with you than waste a single second taking a picture we don’t really need.”

His words seemed to content you, and with a soft sigh, you leaned into his touch, your smaller hand cupping his, and slightly turned your face to deliver a small kiss onto the inside of his wrist.

“M’kay.”

Despite your reply, that wasn’t the last time you asked for a picture, but his answer was always the same. So, to this day, Sakusa Kiyoomi doesn’t have a single picture of you in his phone, and he deeply regrets it with each breath he takes.

Keep reading

Fool (Sakusa Kiyoomi x F! Reader/OC) Ch. 1

DISCLAIMER: This is my first proper fanfic here on Tumblr, so feedbacks are highly appreciated! :) Also, FEM Pronouns are used, so if that’s not your cup of tea, you can skip this. This hasn’t been properly proofread yet, so there are some errors.

CHAPTER 1 Giggles and chatters filled the room as the bride and her entourage get dolled up.

"You excited? Nervous?" One of the bride's maids asked the bride, simultaneously plucking her veil from the mannequin.

Before she could respond, the door opened, "Stop playing with that," they heard the bride's mother chide playfully.

"I wasn't," the bride's maid said shyly, putting down the veil. 

Her mom went behind her, helping the stylists with the bride's gown.

"You look lovely, sweetie," Her mom said, smiling softly. 

"Thanks, mom," she said, as loud as a breath, "I can't believe this is happening. It feels like a dream. Oh my God, what if something goes wrong? What if the flowers are all wrong? What if Omi decides getting married isn't for him? Or what if-"

"Hey! Stop. Nothing's going to go wrong," Her sister, the maid-of-honor, said as she stood behind her and gently held her shoulders, "I checked, everything's fine. And I assure you Omi will not change his mind last minute, he's not like that. So relax. Okay?"

"Okay," The bride said, willing herself to calm down.

"Besides, Sakusa would be a fool not to marry you."

Sakusa would be a fool not to marry you.

---------

In the other room, Kiyoomi Sakusa stood in front of the mirror, fixing his necktie and cuff links for what seemed like the millionth time. "If you don't stop, I will choke you with that," He heard his cousin, Komori said, walking up to him. Kiyoomi glared at him, opting to say nothing and went back to fiddling with his tie. "We asked him to stop, like, 30 minutes ago. Even told him we'd tie him to a chair. Eh, tough luck."

They heard someone, Bokuto, say, as he emerged from the room's en suite.

"Did you wash your hands?" Kiyoomi asked, well it sounded more like an accusation, "Can't have your germs ruining my wedding."

"Yes, your highness," Bokuto said teasingly, "I even put some of that fancy-looking hand sanitizer you brought with you. It's off brand for you though."

"It's hers. She told me it's her wedding gift for me. Told her she's the best gift I could ever have," Omi answered, a small smile appearing on his face.

"Kiyoomi Sakusa," A voice suddenly exclaimed, it was Atsumu Miya, "I never thought you'd be this sappy. Then again, I never thought you'd get married, but look at where you are."

"Shut your mouth before I shut it for you," Omi threatened, eyeing Atsumu from the mirror.

The boys continued to tease chat with each other, until a knock resounded in the room.

"You boys ready?" Omi's brother asked. They all looked at Kiyoomi, who seemed to have gone paler.

"Don't worry Omi, everything's going to be okay," Komori said, patting Omi on the back, "I'm sure she's just as excited as you are."

I'm sure she's just as excited as you are.

But it wasn't that Kiyoomi was worried about. Of course she was excited, he should be too, this was all they've been talking about for a year. But why did it feel like he wasn't? Like the bile coming up his throat was out of fear rather than excitement. His hands, usually calloused and dry from volleyball, started to feel cold and clammy. It was unsettling. At the back of his head, something's nagging at him. He just knew something was wrong.

--------

Looking at the sea of people from the altar, he felt a sense of déjà vu. He's seen this setting somewhere. His brother's wedding maybe? But the feeling was way too personal to it to be something he momentarily experienced. Dwelling on that thought didn't really help Kiyoomi's nerves. In fact, they appear get worse. Not even the giggles of his little cousins could distract him. 

Dark eyes swam amongst the guests. What are you looking for? He asked himself. What was he looking for? Or who was we looking for.

He found his answer in the pair of warm grey eyes looking at him mournfully. Why does she look familiar? He questioned himself. Maybe she's a friend of his fiancée? Maybe someone he knew before the accident? He did lose quite a lot of his memories, and even after two years, some of it haven't returned.

Before he was able to turn to ask Komori, who was dutifully standing behind him, the wedding march began playing, signalling the entrance of his bride. Kiyoomi looked straight on, at the double doors, telling himself that all of these are just wedding jitters, and when he saw her, he knew everything will be fine.

Except it wasn't, because when she walked in, it wasn't her he saw, it was someone else. It was like a memory of his was being played right in from of him. The same warm grey eyes, looking at him with bashfulness and so full of love. 

He blinked and it was gone. 

His real bride now stood before him. He furrowed his brows, what just happened?

"Hi," She whispered, as her father gave handed her off to Kiyoomi, "You look nice."

He smiled, looking more uncomfortable than shy, "Yeah, you too."

Her smile faltered, she felt something was off. However, she shook it off as she heard the priest start speaking.

Things were going well, at least that's how it appeared to those watching. It was all good until it wasn't.

As the priest announced the exchanging of vows, Kiyoomi knew he made a mistake. He was already with someone else. Someone who wasn't the girl in front of him. His eyes darted around the room, dark eyes searching for warm grey ones. Amanai. Amanai Kanoka. That's her name. She was his girlfriend before the accident, before he lost his memories. He was supposed to be with her, not the one in front of him.

"Mr. Sakusa, I believe you've written your own vows?" The priest asked.

His hands started sweating and shaking.

"I-uh-" He started, feeling around his suit pocket for his vows, "Yeah, I-uh-"

His bride looked at him worriedly, "Omi, is everything alright?"

Kiyoomi sighed, "I can't."

Sakusa would be a fool not to marry you.

"What?" She said, thinking she misheard him.

"I can't marry you," He said, louder, allowing almost everyone to hear.

"W-what?" She stuttered, hands started shaking.

"I'm already with someone else," He said, looking on to the audience, straight at Amanai Kanoka.

"W-who...what...I-I don't understand," His bride, well ex-bride, said. She looked at him as saw his eyes weren't directed at her. She followed his eye sight and found him looking at, who she thought, was supposed to be his ex-girlfriend.

They never really broke up, you know? A voice in her head said. But she left him, because he can't remember. Another voice countered.

"What's there not to understand," He exclaimed, rather harshly, "I can't be with you when I'm obviously already with someone else."

He looked backed at her, his "supposed bride-to-be". Her eyes were welling up, and unfocused. He knew he hurt her, but can she blame him?

"I, I'm sorry," He started, "I hope there's another way, but..."

He tried to make things better, although obviously impossible. He can't say anything anymore. What are you supposed to say to someone when you broke their heart? On their wedding day no less?

He looked back at Amanai. She was gone. He heard the doors open and saw her walking out. Without a second thought, he followed her. He stepped down the altar, and ran towards the huge double doors, leaving his ex-fiancée to pick up her broken heart.

Next part

Fool (Sakusa Kiyoomi x F! Reader/OC) Ch. 2

Prev. part

CHAPTER 2

She felt her knees buckle. Had Atsumu been a second slower, she probably would have collapsed. The echoes of the huge doors being shut slashed at her heart, even worse when she saw him follow her.

"Tsumu..." She called softly, cling on his suit jacket, "This was supposed to be my day. Our day..."

"Shh, I know," Was all Atsumu could say. Because truthfully, what could you say to a girl who's been left by her fiancé at the altar. On their wedding day.

Everyone seemed to get over their shock and started to chatter amongst themselves. 

The bride's parents, even Kiyoomi's, quickly rushed to the girl's aid.

"Oh dear, we're so sorry. We don't, we can't explain what happened," Kiyoomi's mother started, she didn't know what to do. Her son just up and left. His ex-fiancée was a crying mess on the church floor.

"It's okay," The girl's mother stated, "There's nothing we could've done."

With that, she helped her daughter up, and left the church, her husband and eldest daughter trailing behind.

--------

As fast as her legs could go, Kanoka ran. She knew she shouldn't have gone to the wedding. But she couldn't help but want see Kiyoomi one last time. At least before he was a married man. She didn't expect for him to remember her.

"Amanai, wait!" She heard him call.

She didn't stop, only willed herself to run faster. However, even with her volleyball training, Kiyoomi was faster. He caught up to her, and quickly grabbed her hand, pushing her to a halt.

"Please," She heard him say.

"What do you think you're doing, Sakusa?" She asked, trying to keep a strong facade, not looking at him.

She knew if she did, her resolve would break.

"What do you mean 'what am I doing?' I'm trying to get back with you? To you?" He answered, matter-of-factly, like all of this was a normal thing. Like he didn’t just leave a girl at the altar.

"Get back with me?!" Amanai parroted, now fully looking at Kiyoomi, "Sakusa, you were about to get married?!"

"Yeah, but..." He started, memories coming in waves, "I was with you, before the accident..."

He looked at her eyes, he felt at home. At peace. At least that’s what he tried to tell himself.

"We never really broke up."

"I mean, sure, but..." She said, confusion flooding her, "But this all seems so wrong."

They both stayed silent. Yes, logically, this was wrong. In his head, Kiyoomi knew this was wrong. His mind told him to go back to the church and finish that wedding. But in that moment, Kiyoomi felt like leaving was the right thing to do. I mean, how could he commit to someone else, when his heart was still with another, right?

"What are we going to do now?" Amanai asked, looking anywhere but at the man still holding her hand.

"Maybe we could, you know, try again?" Kiyoomi offered, "Pick up where we left off?" A second. Then two. Then three. And another.

Amanai held her breath. Was she really willing to break someone else's heart to save her own? The answer was simple.

"Okay." She said, finally looking at Kiyoomi's eyes, "Let's try this again."

Kiyoomi let out a breath, and smiled.

"Okay." He said, smile appearing to have gotten bigger.

They stayed in silence for a few seconds before, unexpectedly, Kiyoomi pulled Amanai in to a bone crushing hug.

"I missed you," He whispered.

I missed you, too. She said to herself. She knew she did, but she couldn't bring herself to say it out loud. "I know."

Kiyoomi was back. In her arms. She was holding him, in person. Just like before. However, even the blindest of people could see that things weren't what they used to be.

----------

Although on the outside, things seemed to be back to normal, Kiyoomi knew they weren't. Atsumu and Bokuto glared at him every chance they got, and Hinata and Komori looked at him with pity when they make eye contact. Plus, his relationship with Amanai wasn't like what it was back then. They seemed to be fighting over the littlest of things, things he couldn't even remember them fighting about before. And with the Olympics nearing, practices have been doubled. Needless to say, Kiyoomi was tired. Not to mention, and a certain someone had been on his mind as of late.

"What?!" He shouted at Atsumu, tossing the ball to the side, hard.

Had Hinata not been fast enough, it would have hit his head.

The blond Miya had been glaring at Kiyoomi for the past 10 minutes, and purposefully flunking his sets so that the Outside Hitter would miss his spikes.

"What do you mean, 'what?!' ? You know what you did!" Atsumu exclaim, pushing at Kiyoomi.

"If you plan on talking about her, I suggest you shut it, before I shove a ball right at your ugly mug," Kiyoomi threatened, hard eyes focused on Atsumu.

"Do you even know what you did to her?! How broken she was?!" The setter continued, ignoring the other's threats.

"Tsumu, this isn't the time," Bokuto whispered from the side. Trying to diffuse the situation.

Fortunately, Atsumu heard, however it didn't have the desired effect.

"So when, huh? When are we going to tell this idiot how broken he left her that day?! How we had to watch the light in her eyes slowly die?! How we had to help her, for two longs years, pick up the broken pieces of herself he left behind?! When?!" Atsumu shouted, angry tears falling as he faced Kiyoomi.

Kiyoomi felt his chest tighten. He knew he broke her heart, but he never thought to what degree, or how much. He assumed she would've been okay after a few months.

Oh, how stupid he was to think that.

He was stupid for leaving someone who even after three years, unknowingly had his heart. Amanai never had it in the first place. Sure he thought that when his memories came back, but looking back on it, he realized, he only craved for Amanai because she was his past. Something he knew of, something he was certain.

She wasn't. She was new. A breath of fresh air in his polluted daydreams. He got scared. Scared of something new, because no one made him feel that way before. He didn't know what to do.

Now he did. He knew what he had to do.

However, staring at the elegant silver envelope resting in his hand, he knew he was too late. And as he sat there in his three-piece grey suit, he knew he could never have her back.

She started helping out at the restaurant a year after. It was a good way to distract herself.

Watching her smile, something that was used to be directed at him, as she danced with a certain dark-haired Miya, painfully tugged at his heart.

He told us she was a breath of fresh air. Something he really needed after looking at Tsum-Tsum's face all these years-Ow! It's true!

His hand clenched the champagne glass tighter. His head filling with "what if's" and "what could have been's".

I was surprised when he told me he asked her to marry him. He never really talked to me about it before. Guess she really has that charm, doesn't she?

Kiyoomi chugged his drink. That was supposed to be him. He was supposed to be the one dancing with her in front of their friends and family. He was supposed to be the one whispering sweet nothings and 'I love you's' in her ear as they listened to their friends share anecdotes about their love life.

He was supposed to be Osamu Miya. He, Kiyoomi Sakusa, was supposed to be her husband.

Looking at the pair, he knew he was way too late.

He knew, he was a fool to not have married her.