Rise Draxum - Tumblr Posts

I made an expanded version of a meme I saw.

This is what my brain does when I should be doing other things.

...It makes memes.

Okay so with the biblically accurate turtles, would them having more turtle DNA make them more dangerous? As in, more unstable? That reptillian brain just kicks in sometimes and raph will open his mouth and wiggle his tongue at random times to try and "lure" prey in, or donnie hisses and snaps and his brothers if they annoy him too much, and especially things like mating season for turtles some get especially aggressive and territorial (poor splinter prolly has so many scars from when they were babies)

Buckle up, this is gonna be long.

Let's start off with the fact I'm not changing anything, so I won't call this an au (that's just how i like to draw the turtles) i'm merely deepening the existing lore and making sense of it, at least for myself.

To explain how their brains came to be and answer the first part of your question I'll start at the beginning. I'll start with Draxum, what his goal was and how he planned to reach it, what he did, some canon related theories and from there and in the process I'll answer the rest of your first ask. 

I don't have many headcanons actually, most of what i did was explaining things with my existing knowledge, this ties to my theories and my love of realistic sci-fi and worldbuilding.

Read this however you want, I'll call this an essay.

Draxum has been planning on the turtles long before he found Splinter. We know he schemed against humanity for years or possibly decades, maybe even a century (He is stated to be a couple hundred years old). With counting on the genocide of the human race he may have gone through countless drafts that for some reason didn't suit him (I could have suggested more efficient ways but then the turtles wont be born), In the end it led him to come up with the idea of warriors for mass destruction. Draxum could have created beast mutants, but I understand the ways in which intelligent fighters could be better, for example they could be taught magic when mindless animals couldn't.

We know that he has been looking for a powerful warrior to act as a surrogate DNA donor to perform the mutation, the moment he found one he would have done it, at least i believe these were his intentions, which must have meant the base subjects, or at least the plans for them, were already done. 

(Mutation diagram)

[base subject/base/base entity/base creature]= the original specimen the mutation is performed on.

[surrogate DNA]= the additional genetic material which when infused into the mutagen can react with other DNA, the form doesn't matter, and replace up to 70% of the base’s dominant genes.

This may result in a cancerous outbreak and or death.

As in, he removed everything that he deemed unsuitable in his base subjects. He probably had years to do that, to nitpick gens, essentially directing and speeding up evolution, creating a special kind of turtle with both physical, hormonal, and behavioral traits he wanted even before he found a creature to mutate them with. Getting rid of some traits and strengthening/ adding others, heck, he may have even involved prehistoric gens that have gone recessive or added gens that were not in the base creatures at all.

I'll elaborate; part of the instincts were bread out due to being no longer necessary or a hassle in general. The brumation season was removed, but not the turtles ability to brumate, let me explain:

Yokai (I assume Draxus thought to find a yokai DNA donor) are homeothermal, meaning warm blooded. while turtles, our dear ol’ reptiles, are ectothermal, meaning cold blooded (I'll also assume you know what is the difference between them, if you don't, that's what Google is for). Draxum needed to combine these two, making a type of bi-blooded creatures that can slowly adjust to their environment’s temperature. But, if the difference between the internal and external temperatures is too big, they will brumate to minimize the strain on the body and adjust, obviously this takes longer.

About the breeding season you mentioned, the issue in it was it lasted just a month or so and made the subjects aggressive more towards each other (earlier in the research two died of injuries caused overnight) which he really didn't want, so he cut it out their yearly cycle.

 he didn't know he would find his suitable warrior to be a human, but let's say he found splinter as soon as he was shown in the battle nexus (would make sense for him to check there regularly), he would have another 16 years to adjust his base subjects for binding with human DNA until he re-kidnapped Splinter. I also think there were things that were pre-set in the mutagen infusion (you can ask and remind me later, there is much there and here is already enough).

It took Draxum about 13 years to reach the correct formula of mutagen after his lab (and I'm assuming all his documented research) were destroyed by Splinter when he ran with the turtles. And I think the second version is much much different from the first, let's start with the obvious, the second mutagen is already infused with different kinds of surrogate DNA and is inserted by the oozasquitos directly into the bloodstream. It does not affect the general silhouette of the base subject and most importantly, it doesnt change the nervous system.

The first version doesn't just do that, it is its foremost purpose, it is meant to bind the human anatomy with the turtle base in a way that it would make a human shaped turtle, not a turtle shaped human. It essentially packs the human neuronal-cells to body mass ratio compressed into a reptile skull. Only, the reptile brain doesn't go anywhere, it just expands to the point it is capable of comprehending the universe. there are instincts left, they are just drowned out by everything else. there are instances where you are more likely to see them, like in moments of extreme emotional instants, overloads, shutdowns, meltdowns and the such, but also, in their fighting/ defense styles.

there was a major reason Draxum chose to mutate baby turtles, baby turtles he molded into something that can stand the mutation by selectively breeding them for it. baby turtle brains that would forget how painful the mutation was and would likely not suffer from PMSD (post-mutation-stress-disorder) and the likely following after that depression, and they won't need to walk and move all over again because they didn't know that yet.

there is seriously still so much i gotta tell, like, i cut out of this answer so much, about how the mutagen works, what else did draxum do to the turtles, and so so so so so much details i left out because this was getting long and i need sleep

to all the people who have sent asks, i didnt forget about you! i will get to everything, it just takes me time because i want to make an effort

thanks for the ask :D

every day i think about that MNMC line calling these three the "worst polycule in existence" and a "nightmare blunt rotation"

every danggum day

Leo learns something about himself 🏳️‍⚧️

Based roughly on this old post.

Bonus:

[Leo is taking the fact that he was born biologically female simultaneously very well and also not so well but overall he’s mostly coping with the fact that it was Draxum that just essentially gave him the turtle equivalent of ‘The Talk’.]

Reunited in the Afterlife

Summary: Set in the Kraang Apocalypse timeline. Each of the turtles & April reunite with their family after dying in battle.

Author’s Note: Hey! Sorry that this took so long to update. This chapter is my longest one yet. I wanted to put in extra effort because a) there are now more dead characters that they need to reunite with and b) Future Leo and Mikey’s deaths are the ones we have the most information about in canon. I think you guys will like it. Enjoy!

Part 4: Mikey and Leo

(Part 1: Raph, Part 2: Donnie, Part 3: April)

“Do me a favor. When you’re done saving the world, grab a slice!” Leo tossed Casey into the portal that Mikey, his baby brother, had given his life to open. Casey reached out to him as he flew backward and the turtle tried to ignore the pain in his heart. He didn’t want to lose Casey too but this was their only chance for a better world.

 Just as he let go of his student, two Kraangified dogs lunged at him, murder in their eyes. But he had been surviving the apocalypse for 24 years. Leo gave Casey one last reassuring smile before he whipped out his sword and deflected the dog’s attack. He ran a few steps away from the portal, hoping to lead the dogs away from the last surviving member of his family, when a blinding red light surrounded him. Then his vision went black.

 Leo opened his eyes. The first thing he saw was a tall gate glowing jade green several meters away from him. Wait, what? The turtle rubbed the back of his head. He was confused. Looks like he wasn’t in New York anymore. “Where am I?” Leo whispered to himself.

 “LEO!!!” a voice exclaimed. The slider’s heart skipped a beat. He lowered his eyes from the glowing gate to see none other than the glowing figure of Michelangelo Hamato racing towards him.

 Leo let out a laugh, his heart warming. “Mikey!” he cried as his little brother launched himself at him. Mikey tackled him in a hug, just like he used to do when they were teens, his cloak becoming tangled in the process. It didn’t matter that Leo had just seen him a few minutes ago, the last time he saw Mikey he was exploding into thousands of light particles. He was allowed to be concerned.

“Did Casey make it through?” Leo nodded into his shoulder. “Good,” Mikey replied. “It’s alright Leo, I’m here.” The smile was evident in his voice. Leo let out a happy sigh before he pulled back to get a better look at his brother.

 “Thanks, Mikey. Just promise you won’t go supernova on me again, ‘kay?” he said in a half-teasing tone. His brother let out a giggle and nodded. Leo responded with a grin and then proceeded to ruffle Mikey’s sideburns.

 “Ah! Hey! Leo!” Mikey laughed while swatting his hand away. The older turtle let out a chuckle. “Hey, what is this place anyway?” Leo asked.

 Mikey’s laughter died down and he became quiet. “You see that gate over there?” he asked, pointing to the glowing green one Leo saw when he first arrived. Leo nodded. Mikey took a breath. “On the other side is the afterlife, where the souls of the dead live.”

 Leo’s eyes widened. “The afterlife…” he whispered. “So that’s what that red light was! I took a direct hit from the beam on Kraang Prime’s armor.”

 “Not gonna lie, that’s a pretty cool way to die,” Mikey said.

 “So if all the souls of the dead are beyond that gate,” Leo said, his tone becoming solemn. “Does that mean that…they are in there?” He didn’t need to use their names. Mikey knew who he was talking about.

 His brother nodded, getting the hint. “I wanted to wait for you before going in. It wouldn’t be a family reunion without all of us there. You ready?”

 Leo hesitated. He’s never been good at facing his emotions head-on. That’s why he used humor to cope. It was so much easier to deflect and pretend that everything was fine than to allow himself to be vulnerable. He was a lot like Donnie that way.

 Donnie… Leo softened at the thought of his twin. His twin who gave his life to save so many others. His twin whose presence never died even after he was gone thanks to his machines. Could he really be about to see him again? And Raph too? Leo still had nightmares about the day he died. The idea of seeing him again…it seemed too impossible to hope.

 Yet here he stood, a soul about to enter the afterlife. And all he had to do was walk through those gates to see his family again. His brothers, his dad, Draxum, Cassandra, and Gram-gram. Leo took a deep breath and faced Mikey, a brave smile on his face. “I’m ready,” he said.

 Mikey smiled and took Leo’s hand. The two brothers walked toward the entrance to the afterlife together. There was an old man standing beside the gates whose eyes widened upon seeing them. “Resistance Leaders Michelangelo and Leonardo!” he exclaimed, standing up straighter. Leo, who was very used to this kind of treatment, gave the man a smile and nod in return. Mikey smiled and gave him a wave of his hand. “Hello!” he said, probably making the old man’s day.

 The gatekeeper then opened the glowing gates and gave them a respectful bow. “Welcome to the afterlife,” he said. “Thank you,” Leo said softly.

 Mikey bent down to ask the man a question. “By the way, have you seen an April O’Neil pass through here?” the box turtle asked. The old man nodded his head. “She arrived just fifteen minutes ago.” The two brothers exchanged a look. April was here with them. That meant their entire family would be together for the first time in almost seventeen years. Minus Casey Jr. who was hopefully trying to stop Leo’s 16-year-old self from making the biggest mistake of his life.

 Mikey turned back around to the old man. “Thank you for telling us,” he said. Then he nudged Leo’s arm and gave him a soft smile. “Come on Leo. Let’s go see our family again.” The red-eared slider grinned back. The two turtles walked through the gates. 

 They had barely made it a few steps in when they found all the ghosts collected near the gate staring at them. “Umm…hi?” Mikey said awkwardly. Immediately, all the souls started panicking and screaming questions. Leo winced at the noise. He should have expected this. He and Mikey were the last remaining leaders of the resistance so the fact that they were dead was not a good sign.

 “HEY! GIVE THEM SOME SPACE!” a strong female voice rang out. At the sound of it, the crowd quieted down and slowly started to disperse. Leo glanced at Mikey. They appeared to be thinking the same thing. There was only one person who that voice could belong to: April.

 Their suspicions were confirmed when Commander O’Neil appeared through what was left of the crowd. “And April O’Neil saves your butts once again,” the Commander said with a smirk.

 “April!” Mikey cried before tackling her in a hug that probably would have killed her if she weren’t already dead. “Woah!” she laughed, stumbling backward a bit. Leo chuckled. Then he waltzed up behind them and wrapped his arms, one small and fleshy, the other large and robotic, around the pair and spun them around. April and Mikey laughed and shrieked in protest, which only fueled him more.

 After a few more spins, he set them down. “How did you even get here?” Leo asked. “We thought you were still alive until the dude at the gates told us otherwise.”

 “I was struck in the back with a laser beam,” April said, gesturing towards her back. “But unlike with you, it didn’t vaporize my body. You actually ran right past my corpse earlier. But you were busy bleeding out so I forgive you.”

 “Oh,” Leo said. “Wait, how did you know that I got hit with a laser too?”

 “Anatawa Hitorijanai,” April quoted. “Spirits of the dead can look after their loved ones on earth and when I died a few minutes ago, I gained that ability too.”

 “Like Gram-gram?!” Mikey exclaimed with stars in his eyes. Just like how he did as a teen before the Kraang invasion, Leo noted. “And Splinter’s mom?!”

 April grinned. “Yeah, just like them,” she said before turning to face Leo. “I heard you got stabbed and we decided you needed all the help you could get. Even from beyond the grave.”

 “So you were haunting us,” Leo said with a smirk. Mikey let out a snort.

 April’s features fell into an annoyed expression. “That’s not exactly the word I would use,” she said.

 “Stalking? Spying?” Leo teased, his grin becoming wider. Mikey was desperately trying to conceal his laughter.

 April rolled her eyes and sighed. “You’re hopeless. Both of you.”

 Leo chuckled. “But seriously now,” he said. “Thanks for watching over us. Even though we ended up dying only like 15 minutes after you, thanks for making the effort.”

 April smiled warmly. “No problem,” she said. “Now if you’ll excuse me,” she continued, her smile becoming mysterious and secretive. “There are two people who have been waiting very patiently to talk to you again.” She stepped aside to reveal…their brothers. Raph and Donnie stood there, their souls glowing red and purple wearing soft smiles on their faces. Mikey gasped and Leo dropped his sword in shock, making it clatter on the ground. The sound echoed in the sudden silence.

 “Took you guys long enough,” Donnie said with a smirk, the sound of his voice making Leo’s heart ache. It was him, it was really him. Not a hologram projection, or Omega, or a recording of his voice, but the real Donnie. His twin. Leo had to fight back his tears. Mikey, who was standing beside him, already had tears streaming down his face.

 “It’s about time the Mad Dogs had a reunion,” Raph said with a grin. And he thought hearing Donnie’s voice again was a shock. Leo forced himself to look directly at his older brother. His older brother who still looked exactly the same as he did 13 years ago. His older brother who had been his best friend during his teenage years and his closest confidant during the first 11 years of the apocalypse. His older brother, whose scolding always, always came from a place of love. His older brother, who sacrificed himself to save Leo’s life. Against his will, tears started streaming down Leo’s cheeks. Then a smile started to form on his face, the joy of seeing his brothers again overpowering all the years of loss and sadness the apocalypse brought.

 “Raph! Donald!” Mikey cried happily, big, fat tears of joy streaking down his face. He charged at them as fast as he could. Leo let out a chuckle, a smile spreading across his face, and followed suit, running towards his brothers and Raph’s open arms. The Kraang had tried to beat him down for 24 years. They took away his home, his friends, his family, and now his life. But he would not let them take away his spirit. If he lost that, then the Kraang won. And he was not going to let that happen. He had wasted enough time on tears and he wasn’t going to give any more of them to the Kraang. Leo crashed into his brothers, all of them laughing as they had their first group hug in over 13 years.

 Leo closed his eyes, wishing to preserve this moment forever. How he missed the feeling of Raph’s spiky arms engulfing all three of them, Mikey’s much tinier arms struggling to reach all the way around, and Donnie’s comforting weight leaning against him, his twin’s arms pinned to his sides. It’s them. It’s really them. I’m with my brothers again, Leo thought. He started to cry again. Not from grief this time, but from relief and joy. Raph’s grip tightened as he picked all of them up and spun them around. Mikey’s happy shriek pierced Leo’s ears as well as Donnie’s startled yells. The slider didn’t mind one bit the damage being done to his eardrums. He was just happy to be with his family again.

 Raph set the three of them back down but no one wanted the hug to end. “Can we stay like this a bit longer?” Mikey whispered, effectively breaking his older brother’s hearts. Leo raised his head and exchanged a look with Raph. They both smiled softly, remembering how innocent and optimistic Mikey was before the Kraang invasion shoved the cruelties of the world right into his face. “Of course, Michael,” Donnie said, freeing his pinned arms to wrap them around their youngest brother. Their group hug tightened once more. Leo sighed. Maybe it was okay for Leo to let himself be vulnerable.

 “Hey April! Get in here!” Raph yelled. Still standing off to the side, April raised her eyebrows in surprise. Then she broke into a giant grin, her eyes crinkling at the corners. She laughed and ran right at the boys, joining their group hug. Immediately, four pairs of arms wrapped around her. Now we’re complete, Leo thought with a smile.

 After what seemed like an eternity, the four brothers and April finally pulled apart, big smiles on all of their faces. Leo chuckled, wiping the last tears from his eyes. “I missed you guys so much,” he said, smiling brighter than he has in years.

 Donnie nudged Leo’s side affectionately and smiled. “We missed you too, Nardo. As fun as it was haunting you-” April groaned, cutting him off. “Not you too, Dee,” she whined. Donnie smirked and continued without missing a beat. “It just, dramatic sigh, wasn’t the same. I longed for our bi-weekly trash talk sessions. It’s good to have you here, Leo.”

 “Gee, if you wanted me dead, you could have just said so,” Leo joked, matching Donnie’s smirk. “But I missed talking to you too. The real you. Not Omega or one of your inventions.” That statement earned a soft smile from Donnie. Sure, it was mostly aimed at the floor because Donnie was emotionally constipated, but Leo understood how much that one action meant.

 “Hey, what about me?” Mikey teased. Donnie smiled genuinely and flung his arm around Michael. “Of course I missed you too, dear Angelo. Whatever would I do without my favorite partner in crime? But it seems I have taught you well. You were certainly a force to be reckoned with earlier. You had impeccable timing too.”

 Mikey grinned. “Thanks, Donald,” he said. “Just imagine if you were there. Your guns and my chains would have been an unstoppable team!”

 “I concur,” Donnie said ruffling Mikey’s hair. “Hey!” the box turtle exclaimed. “Leave my sideburns alone!”

 “Very well Master Yoda.”

 “WHY YOU!”

 While Mikey and Donnie were bickering playfully, Raph nudged Leo’s side. “Hey, I’m proud of you little bro,” his older brother said gently. Leo’s eyes widened. “Wait, really?” he asked. Leo used to feel that the whole Kraang invasion was his fault since he was the one who made Raph drop the key. He now understood that it was the Foot Clan’s fault for deciding to use it, but the feeling still lingered a bit.

 Raph smiled and nodded. “Of course,” he said. “I saw how you led the resistance for the past decade. You rose up to every challenge that came your way and gave the resistance hope to keep going. You led raids and rescue missions and you saved so many lives.”

 But I couldn’t save the ones that mattered, Leo thought to himself, his heart a bit heavy. Raph seemed to have read his mind because he said, “Hey, don’t blame yourself.” His tone was serious and stern. “I made my decision and I would do it again in a heartbeat if it meant saving your life. Besides, you have no control who lives, who dies, who tells your story.”

 “Did you just quote Hamilton to make me feel better?”

 “Yes, absolutely. Did it work?” Raph asked with such an adorable grin on his face, Leo couldn’t help but laugh. “Yeah, it did. Thanks.”

 Raph grinned. “No problem,”he said. “But my point is, you were an amazing leader and we are all so proud of you. Without you, I don’t think we would’ve been able to hold off the Kraang for as long as we did. And I want you to know it.”

 Leo sniffed and wiped a single tear from his eye. “Thanks, Raph,” he murmured. His big brother wrapped his arms around him and pulled him into a hug. “Anytime, he said. “By the way, I love what you did with your prosthetic. And your sword too.” It’s safe to say that Leo had to use every single ounce of his willpower not to break down crying right then and there. But before a single tear could escape from his eye, the sound of someone yelling echoed through the clearing, interrupting the moment.

 “I DON’T CARE IF YOU TWO ARE DEAD, I’M GOING TO MURDER YOU!!!”

 Leo’s eyes widened as he pulled away from the hug. He and Mikey exchanged a look. If that voice was who they thought it was, they were so dead. Pun intended. The brothers turned to April. “Is it just me or was that…?” Leo asked, trailing off.

 April nodded, an evil smile growing on her face. “That,” she said mischievously. “Would be Cassandra. I’d run if I were you. She is pissed.” Leo swore under his breath. He was heartbroken when Cass died, leaving behind her young son, and he was dying to see her again, but If she was made, whoo boy he was done for.

 At that, the one and only Cassandra Jones stormed in looking, as April had said, very pissed. “Okay,” she started. “While I understand why you did it, WHAT ON EARTH! MADE YOU THINK! THAT IT WAS A GOOD IDEA TO RANDOMLY TOSS MY BOY INTO A TIME PORTAL WITH NO EXPLANATION?! At least you had a sound enough mind to give him clear instructions. But still, aside from our stories, the kid knows nothing about how life was before the apocalypse. He’s probably going to attack the first person he sees.”

 Leo opened and closed his mouth, biting back a remark of like mother, like son as well as any sentimental goop one might say after seeing their dead friend after you helped raise their son. Thankfully, Mikey saved his sorry butt from any potential embarrassment. “Cass?” he gasped softly. Casey’s pissed demeanor melted away like butter and was replaced with a warm smile. Leo smirked. Cass has always had a soft spot for Mikey. But the wholesome atmosphere melted away the second Cass opened her mouth again.

 “Hey, Grandpa Mikey,” she teased, her grin big and mischievous.

 “OH FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!!”

 “Dr. Delicate Touch had entered the chat,” Donnie muttered as he walked up behind Leo. Leo snorted as Raph burst into a fit of giggles. He missed joking around with his brothers like this.

 After Casey had finally calmed down from her fit of giggles, she turned to Leo. “But seriously, thank you for taking care of my little stinkbug after I kicked the bucket. You really kept to your promise.” The blue turtle smiled warmly when she said that. “It was my pleasure. That kid is too good for this world.” Cassandra nodded in agreement.

 “Oh and by the way, your dads are here,” Cass added. Leo and Mikey whipped their heads around to see Splinter running towards them as fast as he could with Draxum at his heels. “Pops?” Leo whispered just as Mikey yelled “DAD! BARRY!” Mikey started to sprint towards them as well. Leo’s shocked expression melted into a smile. He chuckled then turned to look at his other two brothers and April. “Come on!” Leo said to them before turning around and following after Mikey. He could hear Raph, Donnie, and April’s footsteps behind him as he ran towards his parents.

 Leo overtook Mikey and scooped hi dad up into his arms. Splinter let out a big hearty laugh that reminded Leo of when he was younger. He felt three shapes crash into them, Mikey, April and Donnie, before two giant pairs of arms wrapped around them, Raph and Draxum. “Oh, my boys,” their dad muttered, his voice warm and loving. Leos cheeks started to hurt from all the smiling he was doing. He was with his family again. “I missed you so much, Dad,” Leo said. “I did too,” Mikey added. As they were hugging, Leo and Mikey began to change color. Their souls that were once the default jade green color began to change into bright orange and blue. But no one noticed at the time. They were all too invested in the hug.

After several loving minutes they all pulled apart, grinning faces all around. “Hey, we got our colors back!” Mikey exclaimed, admiring his outstretched arms, now glowing orange instead of green. Leo nodded in response, blue always suited him better. Plus, now he was matching with his brothers again. 

 Leo then heard the sharp sound of someone clearing their throat. He turned around to see that it came from Draxum who was looking at him pointedly. “Good to see you Leonardo,” Draxum said with a pinch of passive aggression. Leo realized he hadn’t greeted the alchemist yet The slider gave Draxum a mischievous grin. “Good to see you too, Goat man. How did you get up here anyways? Last I checked, you were still kicking Kraang butt with your mystic vines.”

 Barry rolled his eyes in amusement at the nickname. “I passed away several minutes after O’Neil. I believe I was hit with a laser.”

 “Wow, everyone’s getting murdered by lasers,” April commented. Everyone laughed at that. “I know right!” Leo replied, putting his weight on one leg. “At least that means we’re all together again,” Mikey said sweetly. “Yeah,” Raph replied, ruffling the box turtle’s hair fondly.

 “Really? All of you? Aren’t you forgetting someone?,” a familiar female voice teased. Leo’s head snapped up at the voice. He and Mikey turned to see Karai standing several feet away with a sweet smile on her face. “GRAM-GRAM!!!” the two of them exclaimed in unison.

 Karai laughed. “It’s good to see you boys too,” she said. “Come on. We will all show you around.” Karai reached out her hand. Leo hesitated. Then he felt a hand on his shoulder. “You heard her,” Raph said with a grin, looking down at him. “Let’s show you guys around.” Raph took Leo’s hand and lead him towards Karai just as Donnie grabbed Mikey’s hand and did the same. Leo took Gram-gram’s outstretched arm, then Mikey took her other one. All nine of them, Raph, Leo, Mikey, Donnie, April, Splinter, Draxum, Cassandra, and Karai, joined hands in one big line. Leo closed his eyes, feeling more complete than he had in years. Then Gram-gram started to move forward, bringing all of them with her.

 “Welcome to the Afterlife,” she said

Incorrect Quotes Generator Shenanigans: Part 2

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Raph: Man, I only ever see you awake, do you ever shut down or stop running? Leo: Oh, I’m always running Leo: The question is from what

~

Splinter: If you can’t beat them, dress better than them

~

Warren: *holding a bottle* Is this whiskey or perfume? April: *chugs entire bottle* April: It’s perfume.

~

Donnie: If I die, my funeral is going to be the biggest party ever and you’re all invited Huginn: If? Muninn: Great, the only party I’ve ever been invited to and they might not even die.

~

Mikey: So apparently the 'bad vibes' I’ve been feeling are actually severe psychological distress

~

Draxum, struggling to keep upright in their 1 inch heels: Yeah, I-I don’t really think heels are for me Big Mama, pointing at them and walking flawlessly in sparkly golden 6 inch heels: WEAK.

~

Hypno: Is letting someone win at chess sapiosexual bottoming Meat Sweats: Does anyone in this godforsaken group ever think before they speak

Incorrect Quotes Generator Shenanigans: Part 3

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Leo: We call that a traumatic experience. Leo, turning to Raph: Not a "bruh moment". Leo, turning to Mikey: Not "sadge". Leo, turning to Donnie: And DEFINITELY not an "oof LMAO".

~

Big Mama: Life is like Splinter. It's short.

~

Meat Sweats: Why don't we just call it, "M.C. Donald's?" Warren: Because it just sounds like a stupid rapper's name. Repo: It'd just be like- "Eyo, it's ya boy, M.C. Donald!"

~

Splinter: I am in charge of this disaster! April: I have a name, you know.

~

Draxum: I'm not a morning person. I'm barely even a person.

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Donnie: Wakey Wakey Eggs and Bakey! Leo: But I'm a vegan. Donnie: Wakey Wakey Vegetables and Sadness.

~

Raph: You're smiling. What happened? Cassandra: What? Can't I smile just because I feel like it? Casey II: Mikey tripped and fell down the stairs today.

Incorrect Quotes Generator Shenanigans: Part 4

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Raph: If you could guess, how many brain cells do you have? Splinter: Dorito’s cool ranch. Raph: Raph: I'm just gonna assume zero for now. Splinter: I love that song.

~

April: What did you two do?

Donnie: Leo:

April: You’re not in trouble, I just need to know if I have to lie to the police again or not.

~

Mikey: That's not funny. Draxum: I thought it was funny. Mikey: You don't count. You started laughing in the middle of a funeral because you started thinking of a meme you saw on Facebook.

~

Casey II: Just took a personality test and got an A+.

~

The Squad: *walking at the mall* Big Mama: Hey, have any of you guys seen Repo? They’ve been gone for a while.. Meat Sweats: Eh, nope. Warren: No, I haven’t... Hypno: Probably ran off to McDonald’s or something. Repo: Hey. Big Mama: Ooh, there you are- Meat Sweats: What the fu- Hypno: I- where were you?! Repo: Walking right behind you guys.

~

Cassandra: Lol. Heads up if you try to make a candle with food coloring, the food coloring will just sink to the bottom of the glass, and when the flame eventually reaches the bottom all the food coloring will catch fire and become one giant tall flame that you cannot possibly blow out and the glass will start to crack and then you’ll throw your tea on it in a panic and then the extremely hot food coloring will boil and sizzle horribly and then the glass will shatter. Please take my word on this. Todd: What did you do Cassandra? Cassandra: a Mistake.

~

Mikey: If you put a milkshake in one yard and crack open a cold one in another yard, which yard would the boys go to? April: Schrödinger's boys. Leo: FUCK! Raph: What about cracking open a cold milkshake? Donnie: As we all know, the milkshake brings the boys to the yard. The presence of the boys is a prerequisite for the cracking open of a cold one, but cold ones do not have any inherent boy-attracting abilities. Milkshakes, however, do. Donnie: All else being equal, the boys would proceed to the milkshake yard. While it is possible to announce the presence of cold ones in the hope of attracting some boys, the pull of the milkshake is much more powerful by comparison. Mikey: ... April: ... Leo: ... Raph: ... Donnie: Mind you, all of this nonsense hinges on whether or not the boys are back in town.

Incorrect Quotes Generator Shenanigans: Part 5

Leo: I'm so tired of this life. I want to be a roomba. I want knives taped to me. And I want to be set loose.

~

Mikey: I'm gonna need a human skull but you can't ask why. Donnie: Only if you also don't ask why. Donnie: *pulls four pristine human skulls out of their bag* Mikey: ... Mikey, grabbing a skull: This one will do.

~

Raph: I have very high standards, you know. Big Mama: I can make spaghetti... Raph: Oh no! You're meeting all my standards!

~

Draxum: What are you writing? April: The government wants to know what kind of weapons we have in the house. I'm letting them know it's private information. Splinter, looking over April's shoulder: This just says 'fuck around and find out' in calligraphy.

~

*Foot Lieutenant dies in a game with ships* Cassandra: This ship is no longer a ship of love, it's a ship of vengeance, a gavel of justice against all that is wrong in the world, showing no mercy, as no mercy was shown to us. Cassandra: The spark of love will now fuel the fires of destructive glory as I wage my war across the world with righteous fury. Foot Brute: Legend has it that Foot Lieutenant still haunts the ship, stealing my fucking drinks. Foot Lieutenant: Of course I do.

~

Piel: Every zoo is a petting zoo unless you’re a coward. Hueso: I’m worried about you.

~

Draxum: Who else is hiding in the laundry room trying to listen to Leo and Raph's convo? Splinter: Me. I'm in the laundry basket. Donnie: I'm in the washing machine. Mikey: I'm in the closet. Splinter: We accept you Mikey. <3 Mikey: No I'm literally in the closet. Splinter: Love is love. <3

~ Todd: HELP! I TOLD CASSANDRA I'D COOK DINNER TONIGHT BUT I CAN'T COOK! Casey II, pouring milk directly into the cereal bag: And you thought I could help?

Original Incorrect Quotes Shenanigans: ~Games Edition~

[Disney Villainous]

Mikey, as Prince John: And just what do you think you're doing with all that Power, Donald?

Donnie, as Captain Hook: No, you see, I need money so I can hire people to beat the crap out of this child.

Raph, as Pete: I'm sorry, WHAT--

April, as Jafar: *wHEEZE*

Leo, as Yzma: *typing on his phone* How...much...does it cost...to kill...a child?

Raph: LEO!!!! DO YOU WANT TO WIND UP ON SOME KIND OF WATCH LIST?!

~

[Mario Kart Wii]

Warren, passing the first-place CPU at the beginning of the third lap: MWAHAHAHAHA! Eat my dust, loser!

[Cue lightning, followed by a blue shell, followed by a red shell, and being run over by someone using a Mega Mushroom just to add insult to injury]

Warren: Are. You. KIDDING ME?! YOU HAVE JUST MADE YOURSELF A POWERFUL ENEMY, BABY PEACH!!

~

[Sorry!]

Splinter, bumping one of Draxum's pieces back to its starting point: Oops! Sorry~!

Draxum: You don't seem too sorry about it...

~

[Monopoly]

Meat Sweats: And just how do you already own half the board?

Repo, very smugly: I got good business sense, is all.

Meat Sweats: No one's even traded anything yet!!! I think the stupid game's rigged...

Repo: Ah, you're only sayin' that 'cause you've been sent to jail five times, and I haven't. Maybe you'd have more property if yous wasn't a wanted criminal~

Meat Sweats: Well, maybe you'd be serving a bit more time if you didn't always conveniently have a "get out of jail free" card with you...

~

[Mario Party Superstars]

Cassandra, on the 3-player side of Tug of War: *violently rotating the joystick on her controller* MY PALM MAY BE BURNING WITH THE FURY OF THE SUN, BUT I! WILL! NOT! LOSE!!!

Sunita, as the single player: *also violently rotating her joystick* Well, I sure as heck don't intend to lose, either!! ...Even if I am also in a world of pain...!

~

[Pandemic]

Todd: Okay, so, how many outbreaks do we have until we lose?

Bullhop, flipping over the top card of the infection deck: Gah, it's Istanbul...but it's not over yet! We've still got another outbreak until we're done. We just need to--wait, it's connected to Karachi, isn't it? ... *deep sigh* It's over. We just lost...

Todd: ...Oh. Oh... *sniffles* We failed the entire planet...!

Bullhop: *hugs Todd* It's okay. Everyone else may be dead, but we still have each other.

~

[Ticket to Ride]

Hypno: What do you mean I can't build a railway from Paris to Zurich?! I have three cards of the same color! That's how it works for everything else!!

Muninn, flipping through the rulebook: Let's see... With tunnels, you need to draw three cards from the deck to see if they match what you're going to play. If they do, you need to play that many additional cards.

Hypno: ...

Huginn: Yeah, it's just as stupid as it sounds.

Hypno: I'll say...

Incorrect Quotes Shenanigans: Part 11

Raph: Yeah I'm LGBT. Raph: cuLt leader. Raph: God hates me personally. Raph: cowBoy hat. Raph: *sniffles* Trying my best.

~

Donnie: Vegetable oil is made from vegetables, coconut oil is made from coconuts, so BABY OIL- April: CAN'T WE JUST HAVE A NICE FAMILY DINNER FOR ONCE?!

~

Leo: Look at the buns on that guy! Hueso: *lying on the floor, covered in hamburger buns* Mikey: This is the comedy police! The joke's too funny! Leo: I'm not going back to jail!

~

Casey II, pointing to the wall: What color is this? Splinter: Gray. Cassandra: Grey. Casey II, turning to Draxum: Now tell them what color you think it is. Draxum: Dark white.

~

Repo: You're just jealous. All my friends tell me I remind them of Hypno. The Squad: *screaming* Ghost Bear: He looks like Hypno? Are you out of your fucking MIND? Warren: Hypno, sweetie, I am SO sorry. I am SO SORRY that an ugly-ass bitch like this would even say that. Oh my god. Ghost Bear: Hypno? Hypno? Hypno? You know who you fucking look like? You fucking look like Albearto!

~

Bullhop: Every time I hear someone talking about updog, I’m torn between not wanting to fall for it and wanting to help them complete their joke. Honey Badger: Okay, but what is updog? Groundhog: Updog is a long sausage in a bun, often served with ketchup, mustard, onions, and/or relish. Prairie Dog: No, that’s a hot dog. An updog is when a new version or patch of an application is released. Todd: No, that's an update. You’re thinking of the fourth largest city in Sweden. Sunita: Surely, that’s Uppsala, where’s updog is the giant spider in Harry Potter. Bullhop: That’s Aragog. Updog is a symbol conventionally used for an arbitrarily small number in analysis proofs. Prairie Dog: You’re thinking of epsilon. Updog is an upward-moving air current. Groundhog: No, that’s an updraft. An updog is the modern version of a henway. Honey Badger: What’s a henway?? Bullhop: Oh, about five pounds.

~

Leo: No, I don't want to talk about physics! I don't know anything about the laws of physics because they are hard and boring. I simply would like them to behave in a way that is most convenient to ME and MY LIFE! Is that really asking too much? Donnie: Yes, as a matter of fact, it is! Leo: Well, guess what? Science is stupid bullshit!! Donnie: You take that back!!! Leo: No. Magic is awesome. Science blows. The end.

Incorrect Quotes Generator Shenanigans: Part 13

Splinter: I’m quick at math. Donnie: Ok, what’s 38 times 76? Splinter: 24. Donnie: That wasn’t even close. Splinter: But it was quick.

~

Draxum: If I make you breakfast in bed, a simple "thank you" is all I need. Draxum: Not all this "how did you get into my house" business.

~

Leo: We have fun, don’t we, Hueso? Hueso: I have never been more stressed out in my entire life.

~

Ghost Bear: I am your king, long may I reign! Albearto: Well I didn’t vote for you! Ghost Bear: You don’t vote for kings. Albearto: Well how’d you become king then? Ghost Bear: Baxter of the Lake, their arm clad in the purest shimmering samite, held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water, signifying by divine providence that I, Ghost Bear, was to carry Excalibur. That is why I am your king. Albearto: Listen. Strange people lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.

~

*At a bank teller window* Warren, in a bad Italian accent: I'd like-a to make-a da deposit! April: HEY BUDDY, WAIT, I REMEMBER YOU! Warren: *Frantically pours marinara sauce into the vacuum tube* April: GODDAMMIT, IT'S THEM AGAIN!

~

Raph: Everyone, calm down! We're grown-ups, let's deal with this like adults! Sunita: So, we're just going to wing it and hope for the best? Raph: Obviously. Now, Todd, pass the shovel.

~

Donnie: Hey, can we stay in your dorm tonight? Leo: Why? Donnie: Raph fiddled with an ouija board and cursed ours. Big Mama: Mikey doesn't know how to banish spirits, so they just throw salt at them and yell "DOES THIS LOOK LIKE A HOTEL TO YOU?!"

Original Incorrect Quotes Shenanigans: Back to School Edition

I don't wanna go back to school, but classes start again this week, so I have to... Maybe this will motivate me a little. Like my other original incorrect quotes stuff, these are based on things that I have experienced in real life. Enjoy. :)

~

Splinter: Good morning, everyone. For today's lesson, we have-- Leo: *rides in on a scooter board he "borrowed" from the gym* Splinter: Leo: Leo: ...Hey.

~

April: Okay, guys, we need to focus if we're all gonna pass this test. Let's get to studying. Donnie, 5 minutes later: Hey, check this out. I found a personality quiz telling you which U.S. president you'd be. [The entire class rushes to take this quiz, derailing the study session for the rest of the allotted time.]

~

Voice over the gymnasium speaker: The FitnessGram Pacer test is a multistage aerobic capacity test that progressively gets more difficult as it continues. The 20 meter pacer test will begin... ~ Mikey: *collapses onto the floor after about ten laps* Raph: *still Naruto running across the gym after fifty laps* Mikey: ...Showoff... :p

~

Draxum: To demonstrate just how easily diseases can spread, we're going to do a short experiment. As you can see, each of you has been given a vial. One of them is "diseased" with a chemical that will turn pink upon testing. You must share the contents of your vial with three others. Any questions? No? Then get to it. Mikey: TURTLE SWAP GO!!! [All the turtles share their vials' contents with each other. Somehow, none of them get "infected."] Draxum: ...Okay, how?

~

Leo, on his third can of Bang Energy in half an hour: *bobbing his leg up and down at record speed* Whoo! Man, I feel alive! Big Mama: ...Leo, do you need to go see the nurse? Leo: Nah, I'm cool! Never better! I'll be fine! Big Mama: ...O...kay... *takes a sip of coffee* Anyway, on to the War of 1812--

~

[During a mini chess tournament in their Spanish class] Casey II: *captura una de las torres de Donnie usando su reina, poniéndola en frente de la reina de Donnie* Aha! Donnie, sin emoción: *usa su reina para capturar a la reina de Casey II* Casey II: ...Oh. ଵ˛̼ଵ

~

Raph, after injecting a sea urchin with some kind of chemical to make it release its sperm/eggs: *curled up on the floor, shaking a bit* I think I hurt it... I mean, it's gonna die anyway, but I think the needle hurt it... April: Hey, it's gonna be okay. It's gonna be fine, and you're gonna be fine, okay? Draxum: *approaches, only to examine the sea urchin* Wow, look at it go! You two must have some kind of super-male! *leaves without doing anything else* April: Pfft-- Raph: WHAT WAS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?!

Incorrect Quotes Generator Shenanigans: Part 14

Mikey: I wasn't hurt that badly. The doctor said all my bleeding was internal, that's where the blood's supposed to be!

~

Big Mama: What are you two arguing about this time? Draxum: He's always using common phrases incorrectly! Splinter: Cry me a table, Draxum.

~

Leo: Hey, wanna help me commit arson? Casey II: What the hell!? Leo: Oh, sorry, my bad. Leo, whispering: Wanna help me commit arson? Casey II, whispering: Of course. What do you need?

~

Raph: *gets set on fire and screams in agony* Raph: Nah, I’m just kidding. Fire does nothing to me.

~

Ghost Bear: Albearto, we're hungry! Hypno: Albearto! What's for dinner? Warren: We're hungry, Albearto! Albearto, frying a bottle of ketchup over the stove: *screams*

~

Kendra: Is Donnie always like this when they lose? Jase: Oh, yes. You should've been there for the Great Jenga Tantrum of 2015. Donnie: You bumped that table and you know it!

~

April: Welcome to my very first vlog, in which I try different hair products! April: *sprays hairspray in her mouth* April: Well, right off the bat I can tell you this one is not very good.

Incorrect Quotes Generator Shenanigans: Part 16

Leo: Heyyy Raph, how’s your… drink?? Raph: What do you mean drink? It’s coffee. Leo: You sure?? *Looks to coffee maker* Raph: *Looks to coffee maker* *Cement sitting beside the coffee maker* Raph:...I’m on my third fucking drink right now, I should be dead.

~

Warren: New year, same me. Because I'm perfect.

~

April: A sprite is anything not static. Splinter: A sprite is a variable object, be it 2d or 3d. Draxum: A sprite is a fucking soda. Draxum: You god damn geekass bastards.

~

Big Mama: Uh, I think I got your lunch. *Holds up a note that reads: ‘I am very proud of you. Love, Foot Lieutenant’* Foot Brute: Oh yeah. I didn’t think this was for me. *Holds up a note that reads: ‘Be good. For the love of God, Please be good.’*

~

Donnie: Caffeine no longer keeps me awake while I work, so instead I have Mikey periodically send me texts saying ‘we need to talk.’ Donnie: It gives me the right amount of adrenaline and fear I need to keep going.

~

Hypno: The only thing I'm guilty of is being adorable... ...and also assault with a deadly weapon.

~

Mikey: *watching their house burn down* Mikey: Mikey: *starts filming* Waddup, guys, welcome to my vlog, today's topic: how to get away with accidentally committing arson because you forgot Spaghetti O's cans are metal and thus non-microwavable! Step one: deny everything.

More Draxum and TMNT content no-one asked for

Pictures taken moments before disaster

guess who finally started reading Like Father Like Son!

I'm just on Chapter 3 and I'm already sold, I'll definitely do some angsty fanart for this fic later. @eternalglitch this is a warning shot

a while ago i promised @whostyto id draw draxum as burly beast medic little brother tf2 crossover real!!!

I like Draxum, I do, but like, he’s a scientist, a genocidal biologist/alchemist/magic guy that experiments on turtles to make super soldiers for the destruction of humanity my guy. He’s got such a noble end goal. Look at this shit on paper. Peak villain. You want a magic goat dad, and I get it, I do to. Some of you even want gay dads, and I do not turn up my nose to this at all. But to ignore the ethics that could be thrown out the window? The potential for a goat man to never respect the autonomy of his creations? The wonder of a revolutionary scientist driven to desperate terrorism? That is a fools game and I’m not playing. Let him swing that villainy around. At least for a little bit. Let him have a little attempted genocide. As a treat.