Reallythatsimple - Tumblr Posts

The illusion of depth

For so long, throughout life, I have held onto the consolation, by no means small, that despite my inability to function well in social situations, to be an exceptional student, or an exceptional anything, or even a better-than-average, or better-than-mediocre, anything, there is still Something About Me, 

something about me, because, as opposed to other people, I am deep. 

I am deep. 

But I realized the other day, walking along Woodlawn, seeing the light shine through the water hovering on the trees that line the street, that I'm not deep. 

Those emotions which I find myself so remarkable for having and for having the ability to analyze are really nothing more than petty resentment, the pettiest of resentments, all I do is look at those who are successful and try to find the answers as to why I am not like them. 

All of the emotions I possess are an expanded, grandiose jealousy, amplified in scope and meaning so as to make myself feel better about myself. 

The lifesaver of depth that I held onto, so sure that it was filled with life-giving, life-maintaining air, turned out to be nothing than a small, hard, breakable piece of candy.