Rabbitposting - Tumblr Posts

I've been thinking about posting more about my dynamic with my Owner here. We sit at a neat cross section of kinks and philosophies that are interesting in how they interplay and shape my life.

If you had told me at the beginning of this relationship all of the places we would go I think I either would have run in fear or tried to get here sooner.

Tonight was an anxious night. It was always going to be. The amount of caffeine needed to keep me awake didn't help. Nor did covid news. Nor election news. Nor talking to my brother about the weather in our home town. Nor work this morning. Nor did finding out someone I love dearly has covid. In a room full of unmasked people.

Anyway, the reason isn't the point. The point is that, in my anxiety, I reached for him. When I was at my most anxious, I pressed on the bruise and remembered a time when he was in total control. I felt the reminder of his love for me in my skin. I heard his voice telling me that I'm good and I'm safe and I'm his.

As the anxiety eased up I was able to step down to fidgeting with things he bought me to wear and hold. I held the worry stone he bought me when I had covid the second time and remembered that I can do hard things, and that ultimately it doesn't matter if I think I can. My job is to follow orders, and I can lean on his belief in my competence.

I have deified my partner (at my insistence). There are a lot of fun ways this plays into my religion, which was already polytheistic and animist, but one of the more fun ways is to select the things he is god of.

Tonight he was god of orgasms [respectful awe]. A few weeks ago he was god of no fun [teasing]. Tomorrow he's probably going to be the god of healing and comfort.

"Sir would you like me to hold [type of play] sacred for you?"

He's the only person who has ever done this type of play with me, but I am about to visit with friends who specialize in it. This moment feels like a prayer, like an offering. I'm making a sacrifice on the altar of our relationship and allowing him to shape my life in concrete ways. He decides what I do. There's room for negotiation but in every day there are moments where he tells me to do or not do something and it's my job to make it (not) happen.

In the end, he reminds me that my job is to lead a life full of joy and love. Toys aren't meant to be left on a shelf.

Cw- framing a relationship as an addiction

With apologies to Hozier

Boys working on empty

Is that the kind of way to face the burning heat?

I just think about my baby

I'm so full of love I can barely eat

Daddy I'm jonesing

There's nothing sweeter than my baby

I'd never want once from the cherry tree

Cause my baby's sweet as can be

She give me toothaches just from kissing me

For what, pumpkin?

That's when my baby found me

I was three days on a drunken sin

I woke with her walls around me

Nothing in her room but an empty crib

The sensory memory of him looking down at me, squeezing me so hard I can't see or scream. His hand in mine as I drive and we sing together. Him under me as my hips rock, his teeth sinking into my skin. His smile when he sees a cute animal. His hand on the back of my neck, guiding me as I leave the store.

I was burning up a fever

I didn't care much how long I lived

I swear I thought I dreamed her

She never asked once about the wrong I did

For you, Sir

My babe would never fret none

About what my hands and my body done

If the lord don't forgive me

I'd still have my baby and my babe would have me

Perfect.

When my time comes around

Lay me gently in the cold, dark earth

No grave can hold my body down

I'll crawl home to her.

Life has been too much lately. There have been too many transitions in my life and schedule and the schedule of the people who rely on me. My attention and time have been largely used to survive the day. But through every step of that I've felt your love.

When work was hard and I felt inadequate, I reached out to you. When I was exhausted and falling asleep sitting up, I knew how you would want me to handle it. When I came upon a problem, your guidance led me through it. I know that you want my life to be as easy as possible so I kept working until it became easier.

Thank you for improving every aspect of my life.

Also for spitting in my mouth.

One of my very favorite memories comes from when we were very first dating. We had started having the "what if we didn't use barriers" conversation. Test results had come in for everyone, and we were just waiting on that final conversation about it (I thought).

You put me on your lap and started to enter me, but you kept it shallow. So many short thrusts where you left me completely and got barely inside of me. I remember your smile as you teased me "oh no, where did you put them? Better get them quickly, while it's just the tip."

I remember your surprised moan when I started begging for more and trying to slide down you further. I didn't want to get a condom, I wanted you inside of me with nothing between us anymore. You changed your grip on me to roll me onto the bed and I kept begging for you. As you thrust into me I wrapped my legs around you, bringing you closer and deeper.

The flavors you bring to the art we make together tend to be complex; coffee, dark chocolate, grapefruit. This is the first time it went down like the perfect pear, juicy and sweet.

One of the more profound benefits to my life of being Owned is that I have very clear expectations for behavior. I know what I'm supposed to do in any given situation, and on the off chance I don't I know that the expectation is to handle it the best way I can, then debrief with him afterwards.

Which makes nightmarish weeks so much easier to handle. When my brain chemistry is awful and the children insist on behaving like children and the adults behave like children, I know what I'm supposed to do. I know how to access the support I need.

When my brain informs me that the world would be better without me in it I know he wants me to ask him if that's true. That as sad as he is to consider it, that's still more kind than making it his reality without his input.

I know that when the future feels bleak he expects me to eat enough calories of a balanced diet and drink enough water and go to bed at a reasonable hour, and he's on the inside of all of those things happening. I can tell him that I'm struggling with something and he will step in to provide the structure I need.

It just makes so many things easier to know I have that support to lean on.

Memories from our day together:

I was so excited to take my beReal on time but then was upset that I spoiled the makeup surprise

I remember having a hard time looking at how handsome you are

I remember you pulling away (I realize now to undress) and panicking about you stopping

I remember asking you to slow down so I could tell you something important. I can't remember what was so important, but it was probably that I love you

I remember you finding that one spot and hitting it over and over until I thought I was going to die

I remember you giving me instructions a few times in a row, then realizing that I wasn't going to understand and just moving me around

I remember getting distracted by the sight of your cock and needing you in my mouth immediately

I remember you telling me that I belong to you and cumming so hard I thought I might explode

I remember looking into your eyes and trying to ask you to slow down with the toy. I remember a couple of times when you slowed down and once when you informed me that you didn't want to

I remember thinking I couldn't fall asleep, but somehow having your hand over my eyes and my head on your chest pulled me under

I remember holding you with my legs and you telling me it was like the first time you came in me

I remember crying about the idea of you in prison if I came so hard I died, and feeling incredibly relieved when you promised me you wouldn't

I remember you moving me with your hand on my collar

I remember you driving when I couldn't

I remember being glad you could lay down and use me as a foot stool, and thinking about how generous you were

Mostly I remember feeling held and loved

You were inside of me. I could feel the mood shift, but I didn't know right away what it meant.

"Is this my hole?" Your fingers traced my lip, and when I opened my mouth, rested on my tongue.

"Yeth Thir" I spoke around your finger

"Then why did you kiss him?" Your hand left my mouth, then quickly slapped across my cheek. "Did you have my permission?"

"No" I murmered, rocked by the enormity of my error. We've changed some boundaries since the last time I wanted to kiss him, and I acted impulsively. I failed to anticipate your wishes for how I maintain your property.

"If you use my property without permission you should apologize."

"I'm sorry, Sir" I wail, apologizing for failing to plan ahead and putting you in this position. "I'm sorry" for misusing your property. "I'm sorry" for putting you in a position where you have to correct me. "I'm sorry" for sullying your hole with him. "I'm sorry" for making you correct me during what should have been your relaxation time. "I'm sorry" because my body has moved on without me, and I tried to stop cumming but you keep using my hole and it feels so good I can't stop, no matter how hard I try. I sob into your shoulder and know simultaneously that this is the reaction you wanted, but I also feel like it's an inconvenience to listen to my sobs. I try to quiet down, try to lose myself in the rhythm of your body in mine and not be quite so loud.

After I hear your groan of satisfaction I hear you quietly say "very good, little rabbit. You did well, I'm so pleased with you."

There's nothing quite so reassuring as being able to ask your God if you're still worthy of worshipping him and getting a response in real time. Also it made me a bit wet.