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Panic attack fluff with Luca Changretta?💕

requested by × @iam-strangep

• The reader and Luca been married for four beautiful and blissful years, so when he left to london you can imagine how worry she was about him.

• Luca knew the reader was thick skinned I mean you have to be when you grew up on the streets of New York, but he also knew that she been through the ringer enough times to develop a faint heart.

• The only thing that kept her going was the Changretta Family, Luca's brother was a sweet kid who she saw as a brother as well way before she even met Luca.

• Luca's dad was a bit iffy with her at first but he came around eventually when he saw that she made his son happy, and since her father was against her marrying a gangster she gave the honor to Vicente and he was over the moon.

• And Audrey was a sweetheart she was so caring and sweet to the reader when her parents disowned her, she made the reader feel welcome and she was the reason her and Luca were togther.

• So, when she heard about Angel and Vicente her heart shattered, the news of hearing she lose a brother and father in the same week destoyed her.

• Which is why she was so scared for Luca to go, "Hey, I'll be back before you know it, la mia bellezza." He gave her passionate kissed for remembrance before he left to london.

• Every since then she been counting the days for him to get back to her and his mother, and as she wait she started having these panic attacks.

• Some small that made her numb and light head for just a moment before she was herself again, and then there was big ones that made her cry uncontrollably and stay in bed for days...sometime weeks.

• She knew that Luca would come back safe and sound, and she be back to normal...only one of those things were true.

• Luca made it back he was beat up but he was there with her still breathing, during his time away Luca made sure to stay in connect with his wife when he was away.

• But during her late night calls to his morning calls, she never mentions her panic attacks and she made Audrey promise not to mentionit either.

• And when he got back he spent all his time with his wife showing her how much he missed her, making the reader forget all about her worries.

• Until one night, Luca woke alone in bed without his wife next to him causing him to look for her in the middle of the night. It didn't take long to found her in the greenhouse attached to the house crying on the floor.

• "Amore mio, what's wrong?" He came up behind her rubbing her back, she shook her head crying harder.

• "His gone..." she sobs making Luca look at her, "Whose gone, amore?" Her hands covered her face as she shake her head.

• "Luca...Luca's gone." She sobs, Luca heart sinks as he stared at his wife he doesnt know what to do or if he should call someone.

• "Amore mio, I'm right here...look at me." He knees in front her grabbing her face, she sniffed looking at him though tears before swallowing the lump that formed in her throat.

• "Y-your here..." he nodded bringing her head to his chest, so she can hear his heart beating, "Yeah, baby I'm right here." He whispered kissing her head before picking her up.

• She clinged to him like a life line as he brought them back to their room neither of them saying nothing knowing she didn't want to talk about it and he was afraid to ask, so he settled with holding her and whispering sweet nothing to calm her down to get her to sleep.

Dance to a Different Tune

requested × anonymous

The sound of the alarm clock woke you making you slam your hand against it to shut it off but that didn't get you to get out of bed just yet, the big bear you called a husband next to you shuffled in bed as he leans over to you and pressed multiple kisses on your back and shoulder just waking up.

"Morning, pet." He whispered before kissing your cheek, the smile that spread across your face made you crack one eye open and turn your head slightly to kiss his lips.

"Morning." Alfie patted your butt before getting out of bed and heading towards the bathroom, you closed your eyes again trying to go back to sleep before being force to get up soon.

You listened out hearing the toilet flushing and the sink turning on and off made you continue relaxing, she heard alfie grunt as he walked out of the bathroom and back to bed she perked up as he pulled her into him by her waist.

"Shouldn't you be getting ready for work?" She asked.

"I'm the boss. I'll get there when I choose to." She chuckled lowly as she felt him melts into her, she sighed in bliss she loved mornings like these with alfie where they just laid there not saying a word just melting into each other. It's crazy how life turned out for her one minute shes' fucking men for money now she's working in her own bakery and married to camden most notorious gangster, a life she never imagined having but here she was with him enjoying this beautiful quiet morning.

The voice of their oldest daughter, Dinah voice boomed through out the room causing both alfie and you to cringe as more footsteps ran down the hall to your room.

"Mama! Papa! I want pancakes."

"And I want bacon and eggs."

The shouts of the twins made you bury your face into your pillow as you just wanted quiet morning little bit longer, she sat up hearing a painful grunt coming from alfie seeing the little boy and girl crawling on their father's back before sliding off to get into my lap.

"Alf? You okay, babe." His face was buried in his pillow muffling his words, "what?" she says leaning closer to him.

"...fuckin peachy." He grunts out making her give him a small mock pout as she rubbed his back, he twisted onto his back before huffing like a bear he is and looking up at the ceiling as she put ella and david on the bed.

"Do you want me to do that thing that help with the pain?" She asked getting out of bed and going to his side, he looked at her up and down slowly before a small grin made its way onto his face as dirty thoughts ran through his head.

"Oh, darlin not with the kids around." He mutters making you glare at him with a small smile.

"...you guys are gross." Dinah says disgusted before walking out of the room, alfie's index finger trailed its way slowly against your warm thigh making you slap it away gently.

"Stop that," She whispered rolling her eyes when alfie laugh.

"What? We could start on baby number 6." He grins slowly sitting up making me back up a bit.

"Let the one brewing in my belly form first before we start talking about baby number 6." I watched him get off the bed before looking down at her with his hands on her hips.

"I told you when I married ya I wanted a litter of them, didnt i." I let out a mocked laughed making him give her a toothy grin.

"Not that I could recall." I say as him massage my hips, the twins throw their arm around alfie's shoulder as he got up making them giggle as they cling to the man.

"Why don't you take the munchkins to get ready for the day, well I wake the beast from his cave." Alfie nodded giving me a peck before you moved to kiss the twins on their cheeks.

They walked out of the room with you watching as alfie held both twins over his shoulder to the their room well you walk to your oldest, I knocked before peaking my head insides my son's room to found him still asleep, I smiled a little as I make my way inside and take a seat on the edge of his bed. I ran my hand through his silk brown hair stirring him, he turned towards me with his face against his pillow as he crack open one eye.

"What time is it?" He croaked out.

"A little before seven fifty." He groaned as he closed his eyes again.

"...give me five more minutes." He mutters drifting back to sleep, I moved my hand from his hair making him frown a little.

"Okayyyy, but I have to warn you, your father is making pancakes." I song getting up he groaned knowing that if he didn't get down stairs before his father finish cooking he only be left with scraps of bacon and sausage.

"...I'll be down in a minute." He sighed pulling the covers over his head, I giggled before walking out and going back to my room to get dress for the day.

I finished doing my hair with the curling iron before sliding on my black step in pumps, I looked in the mirror one last time as I fix my black bow brooch tie before walking out. I saw that Joseph's room door was left opened i looked inside not seeing him, I closed the door before making my wsy downstairs with the rest of the family.

"Good morning, family." I said walking over to the coffee pot on the stove, my childern spoke over each other as they wish me a good morning. A hand went to my waist as I pulled out a coffee cup and sat it down next to the stove, Alf got a cup from the same cabinet placing it next to my mug waiting for me to pour him some coffee.

"I saved ya a plate." He said lifting the plate from behind his back towards me making me smile in appreciation.

"Ah, thank you, my love." I took the plate of his hand and laid it on the island behind us, he was press to my side like a fly on honey staring at me.

"Can I help you, Mr. Solomon." I asked lifting the mug to my lips taking a sip as I look at him.

"Nope just waiting for my thank you kiss." I raised my brow at the man.

"Thank you kiss?" I asked, he nodded as his hand on my waist made me come closer as his hip leaned against the counter.

"Yea, I basically had to beat those heathens off with a stick to save ya food, I think I deserve a little kiss don't ya think." He said tilting his head to the side with a grin making me smile behind my mug as I thought about it, I held my mug as I set on the counter before leaning in with alfie doing the same and brush my lips against his only for a second.

"...mwah, there you go, happy." I smiled at him as he narrow his eyes at me.

"What was that?"

"That was a kiss." He scoffed.

"You called that a kiss?" He asked crossing his arms.

"You said you wanted a little kiss, so I gave you a little kiss." I shrugged before turning towards my plate of food.

"Don't play, (y/n). Give me a real kiss." I rolled my eyes as I put down my half eaten bacon and turned back to my husband who had his arms open for me, I stepped into his hold putting my arms around his neck and giving him his kiss. A large gasped left my lips when alfie dipped me making one arms go around my waist and one if his hands to take hold my butt making me smile against his lips, his lips moved away from my lips to my neck causing me to laugh loudly as he bites and suck on my neck where I'm ticklish.

"Mum! Dad! The bus is here. " Joseph call out, making alfie pull me straight up I smiled widely at him as I slap his chest for that stunt he pulled causing him to laugh whole heartily. Alfie followed behind me with coffee in hand as we walked Joseph and Dinah outside where the bus came up in front of house, we peppered them with kisses before letting go and watching them ran up to the bus and get in I waved one last time as the bus drove away before reaching in my skirt pocket and taking out the car keys that I brought myself a long time ago.

"I'll see you after work, my beloved." I said as Alfie walked me and the kids to the car.

"See ya after work....you two be good for your mum, now." Alfie says before binding down as the twins nodded planting kisses on his cheek as they hug him making me smile.

"I love you." I said when he stood up straight making him look at me starstruck as if I never said those three words to him before every morning.

"I love you too, lovely." I unlock the door and buckle the twins in with alfie help before Alf opened my door. I took his hand as I got into the drivers seat he shut the door before leaning his head in kissing my lips for a minute.

"...have a safe drive." He whispered pulling away a bit to look into my eyes.

"I will...," he smile but I could see he was still a bit worried that I didn't have his men to drive me, but I made it clear long ago that I could take it with his men being at the bakery but to drive me around was too much. He nod before he patted the roof of the car as I put the key in the ignition, the kids bid their dad a goodbye as I started to pull out of the drive way he waved as he stood in his same spot. I smiled at him one last time before driving down the road of our street to the bakery.

Ella and David sat in one of the four tables in the shop drawing when I was talking to a customer, I slide the pie towards to the woman with a smile as she thanked me and walked out. I looked over at the time seeing it was almost time for the kids to get out of school, my head turned to the swinging doors where Rosie came out with more fresh bake goods.

"Hey, I got a new batch and there a man in the back that need you to sign some papers." She said putting the cookies in the bakery case.

"Alright, I'll be back." I wrapped my hands on my apron before going to the back and walking past my two other employees, the man turned with a clipboard I smiled at the familiar face and take the pen out of his hand as I sighed my signature on my supplies.

"Thanks, Mrs. Solomon. See you next week. " He tipped his hat towards me.

"See you next week, simon." I smiled as his men put the bag of flour in their usual spot as I go back in the front of the shop, as I walked out of the back dinah and joe walked through the door.

"Hey, how was school." I asked walking up to them and give me a hug.

"Great! My teacher was out so we didn't have to take her test today." Joe said happy as he walked behind the counter with his sister sitting down their backpack.

"Luck you."

"I know right." He said with wide smile making his sister roll her eyes.

"And that's wasn't the best part of the day, a boy in my class got in a fight with a kid a year above us and he won. It was unbelievable." He said ecstatic.

"Well, it's good to see you a great day, how about you dinah how was your day." I asked looking at the little girl who took tied her hair in the back before putting on her apron.

"It was alright I got a A on my science test and got the part of wendy in the peter pan play." I squeal pulling her in a hug.

"I always knew you could do it, baby." I kissed the top of her head still holding her, "I can't wait for all of us to go watch it." Joe groaned.

"Do we all have to–"

"Yes." I cut him off making him scrowl softly, as I let her go the bell to my shop ring.

"Welcome to Lovelie's Bakery, what can I–" I turned towards the door before stopping and seeing who it was.

"I knew it was you, you haven't change a bit." I looked at the person speechless.

"Mum? Who is that?" Joseph asked making the lady look at her son, I could see the gears in her head as she study my son and daughter who was next to me.

"She's...she's um..." I couldn't come up with words to tell my son.

"I'm an old friend...she and my husband were old acquaintances, isn't that right?" Lizzie asked looking at me with a wry look making me roll my eyes.

"Hey, Rosie. Can you take the kids in the back and get started on the cookies." I asked my friend she looked at the woman and back at me nodding as she walked over to the twin.

"Come on, guys. Let make some Christmas cookies." I watched as they shouted in excitement and drag her to the doors, dinah followed right behind leaving Joe to still stand by my side. I put a hand on his back making him look at me.

"I'll be fine, go." I motion to the door with my head making him glance at the woman and nod before walking in the back as I watched.

"Their beautiful...the boy looks like his father." My eyes snapped back to her with a vacant look.

"How old is he? He looks like he a bit younger than charlie–" lizzie looked taken back when I cut her off.

"What the hell are you doing here." I asked coming from behind the counter and standing in front of her.

"I was in the area and thought I could go for a cookie." I scrowl taking a step closer to her as she taunt me.

"It's really not a good idea to mock the wife of a gangster in his territory." I glared as she put her hands up.

"I didn't come in here to fight." I scoffed crossing my arms.

"Then why are you here." I asked impatient, she shrugged sighing before moving some hair out of her face.

"I don't know I saw you from across the way and then I saw your kids, and I just–I guess wanted to see if any of them belong to Tommy. " She said.

"Lucky for you and me, none of them are, so." I held up my arm up motioning towards the door.

"How could you be sure?" She asked stepping closer making me look her up and down.

"His still cheating on you." I stated she didn't say anything making me sigh.

" I haven't seen Tommy or been to small heath in over seven years, and I'm not the type of woman to cheat on my man." I let my arms fall to my side, lizzie nodded looking down onto the floor.

"You know you were his favorite. After Grace, he somehow found his way to you and he found you special, why?..." She asked looking up at me I didn't notice earlier but a bit of her mascara was smudge under her eyes as if she was crying earlier today, I wiped my face looking over at the doors behind me before turning back to her.

"Ask him. I let you overstay your welcome long enough, now leave." I turned to walk away when I felt her hand wrap around my forearm.

"This will not last your perfect life...he will get bored they eventually do, and hopefully you feel the same heartache and misery you caused me." I snapped my arm out of her grip and glared at her.

"Let go of me before your husband found your body floating in the–" I shut my mouth when the door creaked.

"Mum? Eveything's alright." Joseph asked.

"Yea, my old friend was just leaving." I turned back to lizzie with a agitated smile, she gave a tight lipped one back before backing up and leaving out of the shop, i huffed rubbing my head before turning and stirring my son back to the kitchen.

When I got home I didn't tell Alf about the visit from mrs.shelby, neither did the kids especially since they could tell that something wasn't right when I came back into the kitchen. Even though i know lizzie was chatting shit it still planted a seed of doubt in me I know Alf and I know he loves me, but his eyes likes to wonder to other woman when we go out and we always laugh about it when I catch him. It's our thing. I trust alfie and he trust me. That what makes our marriage work.

"We be back around midnight." I told Ollie, he nods as he followed me around the house as I told him what the kids can and can not have well we're away.

"If they get hungry we have left over meatloaf in the oven." Alfie was already in the car waiting, I turned over to the sitting room to see the kids lounging.

"Alright." He said as I kept looking at them, alfie was invited to this function by one of his associates and brought me along to distract from boring rich people talk.

" You don't have to worry (y/n), they in safe hands." I turned to Ollie giving him a sweet smile.

"I know they are." I squeezed his arm before stepping closer to the living room.

"I'm going...be good for Ollie, alright." They mumbled a yes before going back to what they were doing before entered the room, I rolled my eyes smiling one more time at Ollie before walking out to the car.

"I don't think asking Ollie to watch the kids was a good idea, you know the twins can smell weakness." I giggled as I link my hand to alfie free one, we were driving out of london to the countryside.

"That's why I told Rosie to drop by when she close the shop to make sure everything's okay." Alfie shook his head.

"...still playing cupid I see." I shrugged a little before looking out the window.

"She likes him and he likes her, I don't see the harm in interfering." She heard alfie snort, we stayed quiet as the music on the radio played through the car, after an hour and half we finally pulled up to a nice-looking mansion.

"...rich pricks." I heard alfie whispered as he tried founding a space to park the car, he got out swiftly before opening my door i smiled at him as he grabbed my hand helping me out. I hook my arm around his own and started walking up the steps the door was opened by an old white man, he stepped aside letting us in as people stood around mingling.

"Remember we only here to show face and get the hell out, okay?" I nodded as I took a glass from a tray before drinking it, the night was spent being pulled left to right by alfie as associates of his introduced him to their friends. I was on my sixth glass when we were brought to the drawing room, a bunch of people was standing near the fireplace when we came up to them.

"Alfie this is Oswald and his wife diana...." I looked up and see a man with mustache standing straight as if he as a stick up his ass, he bend his head down a bit greeting.

"How do you do." He said, he glanced over to me for a second before looking away, I didn't take no offense I know how his kind is. Alfie nod back not saying a word.

"...and you already know Mr. Shelby and his wife." I turned my head a bit looking for a waiter, I wasn't going to pay them no mind especially Thomas I just hoped that his whore kepts a muzzle on about what happened–.

"Hello, (y/n). It's good to see you again." Lizzie said, I look at her giving her a quick smile before looking away.

"How the kids?" She asked, I could feel alfie's eyes burning the side of my head.

"Their fine." I said again, I smiled again when the waiter took my empty glass and gave me new one.

"That's good maybe we could do a little play date with the–" I gave her a uninterested look as alfie spoke up.

"Hold on, now darling. When did you two..." he waved a finger between me and lizzie, "...meet?" He asked looking at me, I let out a nervous laugh shrugging.

"Oh, that it was weeks ago." He narrowed his eyes at me before glancing over at Thomas who was watching us.

"Did you know anything about this?" Thomas took the cigarette out of his mouth.

"Lizzie mentioned it." I rolled my eyes as I downed my drink.

"Funny. Because me own wife didnt." He said.

"It slipped my mind." I refrained myself as the others were watching us, I could tell that lizzie was eating this up so I calmed myself down and grabbed his hand so he could do the same.

"Alfie let's talk about this later." I whispered looking him in the eye trying to get him to see that I didn't want to argue, but he wanst having it.

"I think I want to talk about it now." He said gruffly, I gave him a look as he glared at me.

"Alfie–" I stressed glancing at the prying eyes.

"What? Am I embarrassing you in front of your little boyfriend." He said heated, I looked at him eyes widen in shock.

"You know what..." I let out a deep breathe, " I can't talk to you when your like this so I'm going to the restroom." I grabbing my clutch from the table.

"Come found me when your in the right head space, okay, Alfred." I glowered walking past him and away from the group, after taking a break and hiding out in the bathroom for a good twelve minutes I think that gave me and alfie enough time to gather ourself. I was finishing wiping my hands with the towel when someone knocked on the door I walked over thinking it was alfie

"Hello." I furrowed seeing oswald mosley standing at the door.

" Mr. Mosley–" he cut me off with a wave of his hand.

"Call me Oswald." I looked over his shoulder for anyone as he made me back up back into the bathroom I watch him shut the door.

"You know when lizzie told me you used to be a whore, I couldn't help but be intrigued..." I watched him closely as he walked closer to me.

"I never been with a woman of your complexion before I always heard your kind tasted divine," he said undressing me with his eyes, a bit of bile came up making me gag mentally.

"Whatever that gutter trash told you I don't do that anymore." I shut down.

"Not even for the right amount of cash, you know I have it. Especially with how my political party is going." He said proudful.

"I rather eat glass and I didn't take you for a man with taste." He chuckled at my comment with a small smile.

"And why is that?" I shrugged as I walked around him.

"Well, I heard from the grapevine that you like to keep it in the family, mr.mosley." He face turned sour causing me smile innocent at him.

"Rumors." He rolled his eyes.

"Of course, they are..." I said patronizing, before he could grab hold of me I clocked him in the nose causing him to fall to the ground.

"You have balls I can give you that, but let this be a lesson to you." I said throwing down the towel I was once holding on the floor near him for his bloody nose.

"Never corner a women like this ever again." He was slowly getting up when I landed a kick to his stomach causing him groan again and collapse back to the ground.

"Oh, yeah one more thing...your cause is shit." I turned on my heels and threw open the door and stalked out leaving that pathetic excuse of a man in agony.

I was looking in my clutch when I ran into Tommy, he held my arms to keep me from stumbling.

"Where's the fire?" He asked glancing at me, I shrugged his hands off me and walked around him.

"Will you fuck off." I hissed at Tommy as he blocked my way, "It's bad enough I was drooled on my a fascist pig, I don't want to be around you of all people right now." He looked taken back at me.

"Are you okay?" He asked looking at me.

"I'm good but your friend on the other hand is not." I pushed my hair over my shoulder.

"His not my friend."

"Whatever. I need to find alfie." He still didn't move making me glare at him.

"Seriously, shelby you need to get out of my way." I snapped growing impatient.

"Did you know how much it cost to get you out of there..." he asked, I gave him a blank look as the though of punching him was playing on my mind.

"Is that a rhetorical question orrr..."

"Alfie gave me thirty percent of his business to me, plus the rest of money you had to pay your debt." He says, I blinked at him taking in his words.

"I guess he knew I wasn't going to let you go so easy so he sweeten the pot, he choose you over his business." I looked up at Tommy hoping to detect if he was lying but he wasn't.

"I need to go."I whispered before pushing past him he grabbed my wrist and making me look at him again.

"Before you find alfie you should know something..." he said.

"What?"

"His drawn to you. His faithful. He loves you." I looked down at the floor.

"How would you know. You and alfie don't seem like the type to talk about those sort of stuff during business hours." I said.

"We don't, but i can see it when he walked in with you and how he held you by his side the whole night. It's exactly how I was with my grace." He said letting go of my wrist before walking away, I let his words sit with me a bit before walking to find my husband.

After a well, I found him outside looking into our car, "Alfie? What you doing." I asked walking over to him, he turned sighing meeting me half way pulling me into a tight hug.

"...fucking looking for you." He said pulling away.

"I told you I was in the bathroom." He rolled his eyes.

"You never told me which fucking bathroom I comb through this entire fucking house looking for you." He looked angry but happy to see me alright.

"I'm sorry." I apologized, he shook his head putting his hands on my waist.

"Don't apologized, pet. If I wasn't so hot-headed you wouldn't have run off in the first place." My hand palm was against his cheek as my thumb caressed his cheek.

"No, you had every right to be mad I should have told you about her visiting me, I knew it was wrong keeping it from you. She got to me." I whispered the last bit.

"Is she still getting to you." He asked, I shook my head.

"No not anymore." I smiled up at him, he smiled back.

"Let's go home. It starting to smell like cow shit, i dont know how these rich pricks could live out here." I laughed as alfie pulled me to his side before I climbed in through the driver's seat.

"I don't know, Alf. I think the country side is a great place to raised a family of six and counting." I grinned looking over at him.

"...let the one brewing in ya stomach grow first before we start thinking about moving, ya."

. _. Bro... I've just watched Peaky Blinders amd trying to get my uni work together... But this fic got me stoked...

Its FAQIN GREAT!

“morning mr. shelby.” — tommy shelby x reader ⋆｡˚

tommy shelby x fem!reader

you meet tommy as a nurse during the war, but happens when he realizes that he’s known you all along? (loosely based around some s1 plot points, but all set before the war)

18+ minors dni please! angst, fluff and smut

cw: mentions of war, shooting, stabbing, suturing, ptsd, friends to lovers, eventual smut, p in v sex, unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it!!), slight breeding kink

word count: 5.4k+ (sorry lmao)

a/n: ahh first fic alert!! i’m so excited for you guys to read this! don’t be a ghost reader and lmk if you want to be added to my tag list for future tommy/cillian stuff!! 💌

you met tommy shelby during the war. he was a soldier, you were a wartime nurse. before the war, you had obviously heard of him. tommy shelby, leader of the fucking peaky blinders. arrogant bastards.

you lived in small heath, and everyday you’d pass him on the street. and everyday, you’d smile and say, “morning, mr. shelby.” and everyday, he would barely look up at you. you were sure he wasn’t even aware of your existence. prick.

your parents had always told you to stay away from the shelby boys. your dad would say that “they’re dangerous and make whores out of innocent girls” and your mum would make some comment about “the shelby men and their stupid cocks and their stupid judgements”.

they were the most intimidating people in all of small heath, possibly in all of birmingham. truth be told, there was a certain charm to them that you couldn’t shake off. well, to one of them. tommy shelby. you couldn’t tell if it was because he was your age, or because he was powerful and strong, or simply because he was strictly off limits. or because of his piercing blue eyes.

everyone in small heath knew tommy. but you knew tommy. he didn’t know you, though. you could tell if was him by the way he exhaled or by the sound of his footsteps or by the way he held a cigarette in his hand, the peaked cap on his head, a hand in his coat pocket. you despised tommy shelby, but god, was he fucking irresistible.

when men were drafted for the war in france, it was common sense that they’d need someone to tend to their cuts and bruises. you’d decided to volunteer, and after a couple weeks of training, you were right there, in the field. practicing on dolls and bags of rice and flour was nothing compared to what you saw. what you heard.

your first day in france was… eventful, to say the least. some commander had led you to the medical tent, and you were welcomed by the screams of hurt soldiers, blood and panic. you were immediately assigned to a patient, who’d been shot in the chest. you tried your best, did everything you could have, but ultimately, he had just lost too much blood. you didn’t sleep that night, haunted by the bloodshed, by the pleas of the soldier to keep him alive, by the feeling of someone else’s blood on your hands. over time, however, you grew accustomed to having your pristine white uniform soiled with blood and mud.

a month or so after you’d started, you heard shouts outside the tent. “help! someone HELP, for FUCK’s SAKE!” this was a regular occurrence, but the voice the shouts came from didn’t sound wounded. you felt an instinctual need to go see what it was.

what you saw, though, was something you never expected to see. tommy shelby, with a comrade’s head in his lap, putting pressure on a wound in his shoulder. without hesitating, you helped tommy drag the soldier to a vacant bed in the tent. “what happened?” you asked, hurriedly. tommy was visibly panicked. “i- he- um, he got st-stabbed by… one of the germans… his name’s danny- daniel.” you looked in tommy’s eyes, trying to give him some semblance of comfort. “he’ll be okay.” you applied pressure on the wound, and luckily, the blood stopped flowing soon. you cleaned the wound up and looked to tommy. “i’m gonna have to disinfect the wound with alcohol, you might want to hold daniel down for this.” daniel was still delirious from the blood loss, but the pain would be excruciating. tommy braced himself. his hands firmly holding down daniel’s. you nodded before tipping the bottle over on the wound. danny thrashed around on the bed, screaming and cursing, struggling against tommy’s hold. you heard his voice over danny’s. “you’re alright, lad! y’er gonna be fine!”

tommy sat by his friend’s bedside as he came to. you tended to other patients in the meantime but eventually went over to talk to him. “i want to keep him here for the night, mr. shelby. make sure there’s no infection.” he looked at you, surprised you knew him. “you know who i am?” “of course i do, all of small heath knows you. what i didn’t expect was to have a run-in with you, here in france.” he scoffed at his own misery and spoke. “you don’t belong here. you should be home.” you rolled your eyes, even in his state, he managed to be cocky. “if i wasn’t here today, mr. shelby, who would save danny?” that seemed to shut him up. he was about to speak, before you heard your name from the other side of the tent. “y/n, we need you!” after having helped a soldier who looked like he had been mauled, you looked out to see it was nightfall, and tommy had left.

a couple days later, at about noon, john shelby, the youngest of the shelby brothers walked in, clutching his arm tightly. “do you need help, mr. shelby?” you called out. “yes, i-i’ve been shot.” he all but whispered. you rushed over with a tray of distilled alcohol, forceps and bandages. after an afternoon of agony and pain, you had finally managed to pull out the bullet form his arm, john’s face a clear representation of his relief. “oh my god love, if we were home, i’d marry you right now.” you laughed at the proposition. “mr. shelby, i think you’re still a bit delirious from the anaesthesia. besides, i’m your brother’s age.” he looked shocked. “what, you’re arthur’s age? really?? you look nothing like that old prick.” you couldn’t help but laugh yet again. “i’m not that old, jesus. i’m tommy’s age.” he sighed. “marry him then. lord knows he needs a girl.” you giggled as you gathered your things and walked away. “you amuse me far too much, mr. shelby.”

it felt like ages had passed before you saw tommy again. your back was towards the tent entrance but you knew who had walked in. his breath trembled and his footsteps felt a bit unsteady, but it was undoubtedly him. you waited to turn until he called out your name. “y/n, is it?” you turned around, to find his face and shirt covered in blood. “mr. shelby! what happened?” you rushed over to him, taking his hand and sitting his down on a bed. “i- i… killed a man today, y/n.” he looked down, he couldn’t bring himself to look at you. you didn’t respond, simply got up and grabbed a stitching kit and a bowl of warm water. “is all this blood yours?” was your first question. “no. most of it is his.” you sighed and searched his face to find a cut on his cheekbone, the source of his own bleeding. “i’m wiping away the blood now, okay?” tommy gulped and nodded, his eyes still trained on the ground. “mr. shelby, i want you to look at me.” it was as if he didn’t hear you. you spoke again, softer yet more authoritative this time. “tommy. look at me.” he finally brought himself to look into your eyes. in his eyes, you saw guilt, regret and fear. in yours, he saw compassion, love and a warmth that could engulf all his pain. “good.” you whispered. you wrung out a washcloth and began wiping the blood away from his face, using your other hand to hold his chin in place. his arms found themselves wrapped around your waist, in an attempt to ground himself. you didn’t say anything, but your eyes told him that you didn’t mind. in that moment, you saw a different version of tommy shelby. you didn’t see ‘tommy, the criminal’, ‘tommy, the gangster’ or ‘tommy, the womanizer’. you saw tommy, a good man, an honest man. you felt his arms tighten around your waist as you pulled your hands away from his face, as if he was afraid you would dissipate into thin air. “tommy.” you whispered. “i’m gonna have to stich that wound up. it might hurt.” but he didn’t mind pain, not if you were the one inflicting it. “okay.” he spoke, his voice deep. he rubbed circles into your skin with his thumbs, the pain making him hum. “sorry, almost done.” you finished the last stitch. “there. you’re all fixed.” tommy held you like that, his hands around your waist, icy blue eyes staring into yours. your arms rested on his shoulders and you leaned down to whisper to him. “tommy. people are staring.” “so? let them.” eventually, he reluctantly pulled away from you. “it’s time for dinner, and then lights out.” he smiled as he spoke, and slowly exited the tent, catching a glimpse of you as he left.

needless to say, you only grew closer over the next few weeks. you were inseparable. whenever tommy had free time, he’d make his way to the familiar tent, and talk to you. it was wartime. you were left hurt and traumatized and so was he, but you both found solace in each other’s company. you told him how you knew him, and how you’d wish him good morning every day, only to receive complete silence from him each time. he chuckled and apologized. he told you about the peaky blinders, what they did, how they ran their business. you bonded over your shared hunger for knowledge and stories. you told him everything you knew about art, history and literature; and he told you stories of fighting gangs in the streets and stealing contraband. his stories were always more thrilling than yours. you’d try to set each other up with people for fun. you’d introduce him to every nurse, telling them how he was fighting for his country, and of course, they fell prey to his charming eyes and dashing smile. they’d ask what he did back home, and as soon as you said the words ‘gangster’, they’d run in the opposite direction. he’d done the same for you. introduced you to other soldiers, and when you spoke to them, about art and literature, they’d call you ‘unladylike’ or ‘too ambitious for a man’. you both secretly liked it this way, it was like you were his and he was yours.

when he became sergeant major, you both celebrated together. he’d brought you a bottle of whiskey, and you spent the night, talking and giggling drunkenly. but soon, he was assigned to be a sapper and dig tunnels. you both knew that the germans were going to dig their own tunnels, and at some unfortunate point, the tunnels would converge. both of you realized the danger it held, but he had to do it. you tried to talk him out of it, though. “tommy, please!” “y/n, calm down.” “goddamn it tommy, think! you’re gonna get yourself killed! what the fuck are you doing?” “i’ll be alright.” “no, you won’t! what if you get hurt? what if they shoot at you, huh? i won’t be there underground to make sure you’re okay!” “y/n, i have to serve my country. i have to do this.” “tommy. i’m begging you, don’t do this.” he simply sighed and kissed your forehead and held your face in his hands. you held tightly onto his wrists as tears threatened to spill from your eyes. “shhh, i’ll be alright. in fact, i’ll write you.” you seemed to calm down at the idea of him writing you. at least you’d be updated on his condition.

the morning he went down to the tunnels, he came to see you. you were sorting gauze and bandages when you felt his presence near you. you turned around and ran to hug him. he buried his face in your neck and breathed you in. you could feel tears brimming your eyes. neither of you knew why you felt like this. you were just friends, right? “tommy michael shelby, i swear to god if you die, i’ll kill you myself.” you heard him chuckle. he took a step back and caressed your cheek. “you take care, darling.” you wished he wouldn’t leave, but in your heart, you knew he had to. a few hours after, you found a letter tucked under a book on your desk. you curiously pulled it out and opened it.

dearest y/n,

i know how much you hate that i’m going to be a sapper now. i want you to know, no matter what happens down there, i care for you, and i love you, unconditionally. i’ve loved you since the day i first met you. i can’t believe i was looking for love in whores and prostitutes when the love of my fucking life was saying the sweetest good morning to me every morning. i’ll protect myself, and i want you to protect yourself too since i can’t do that for the time being. if we survive this wretched war, i want to take you home, ask your father for your hand and marry you, sweetheart. you take care of yourself, alright?

all my love,

tommy shelby.

you couldn’t help but gasp at what you read. he loved you. tommy shelby loved you. the same tommy shelby that was too arrogant to say a word to you, the same tommy shelby that your parents told you to stay away from, the same tommy shelby was head over heels for you. you immediately looked for a piece of paper, a pen and some ink. you wrote a letter back and sent it with one of the workers heading down to the tunnels. you didn’t know what it was like down there, but you hoped your letters would keep him sane. meanwhile, tommy received your letter and opened it with the same enthusiasm you showed his letter. however, he was also filled with nervous energy. he had confessed his love for you, which was so incredibly out of character for him, but with shaky hands, he proceeded to open the letter.

dearest tommy,

to say that your letter was shocking would be an understatement. i never knew you felt this way for me. like i’ve told you on several occasions, my parents always told me to stay away from ‘your kind’ and as a good catholic girl, i obeyed them. but tommy, in these few months, i’ve seen a side of you i can’t ever forget. i love you too tommy, the real you. the honest, raw, genuine tommy that i get to see on late nights and in random moments on busy days. i’d love to marry you, just make it out alive of that damn tunnel, you prick.

only yours,

y/n.

tommy felt his eyes welling up as he read the words you had penned on the paper. it had been so long since he’d seen you, or heard your voice. he wanted you. he needed you. to keep him stable and sane. as the days passed, your and tommy’s letter exchange became more and more frequent, and you felt like even if you were in this goddamned lawless land of blood and chaos, you had tommy. and he was all you needed.

that was, until the letters slowed down. you kept writing him, but to no avail. he hadn’t sent you a letter in days, or weeks, you weren’t sure anymore. you’d almost lost hope, and spent entire nights grieving him. trying to remember the sound of his voice, the feeling of his hands on your waist, the smell of his cologne. you hadn’t heard his breath or felt his footsteps in a long time. the pain was almost unbearable, and some days felt like decades. but the only thought that kept you going was that you saw tommy in all the wounded soldiers you treated. they were someone’s tommy. and they needed to get home alive.

4 months. 4 whole months since you heard from tommy. you were convinced he was dead now. you spent your days bandaging and stitching wounds, yet you could never fix the wound tommy left in your heart. it was one of the hottest afternoons, the french sun blazing unmercifully. you were insanely busy with patients today, the war was almost ending, and the soldiers needed to be fixed up before they could go home. yet, no sign of tommy. you sighed, cursing yourself for holding out hope now for someone who would not return.

“can i have a nurse here?” you could recognize that damn voice anywhere. the deep voice that filled your ears, smooth like honey, you’d recognize that voice at the end of the world. you turned around. tommy. “hi, love.” he smiled. but his smile quickly changed into a frown when he saw your sobs. you took him to a quieter corner of the tent. you stepped closer to him. he went to put his arms around you. you slapped him across the face. “where. the FUCK were you, thomas michael shelby?!” he was incredibly confused. “l- love, what?” “i thought YOU DIED, YOU BASTARD. where were you?” the time you spent apart had changed you, and from his response, you could tell it clearly changed him. “i was TRYING to fucking STAY ALIVE for YOU.” he raised his voice at you. he never raised his voice. neither of you spoke for a while and tension filled the air between the two of you. “i should leave.” he spoke, his voice barely above a whisper. he left, and you let him.

after a few weeks, news broke that britain had won the war, and everyone went home. five years had passed since you last saw the familiar streets of small heath, and you were no longer a girl, but a woman. a woman who needed to get a job to survive in this city. you walked around and saw a flyer on the doors of the garrison. ‘BARMAID NEEDED.’ you walked in to find harry. he looked up pleasantly surprised. “y/n! haven’t seen you in a while, eh? what can i do you for?” “i’m here to get the barmaid job, harry.” he sighed.” y/n, this job isn’t suitable for a girl like you. these men, they’ve just come back from war, they haven’t seen a girl, let alone a pretty one like yourself, in ages. they’ll have you up against a wall within the first hour of your shift.” you looked at him desperately. “harry, please. i need this job, otherwise i’ll be out on the streets, which are surely worse than this pub. i was a nurse in france, i’ve dealt with these men. please?” he sighed again before nodding. “alright then, you start tomorrow.”

your first shift consisted of the usual alcoholics, men with ptsd, everything that was to be expected after a war. you hear the bells at the door ring as the familiar footsteps walk closer to the bar. without turning around, you ask, “what do you want?” he replies, “whiskey, scotc- y/n?” you finally turn around at the sound of your name falling from his lips. “yes, mr. shelby. so, scotch? on the house right?” he leans over so that just the two of you can hear. “don’t mr. shelby me. come on, love, talk to me.” “i have nothing to talk to you about.” as you poured him a glass of whiskey, he held your wrist assertively. “y/n. come.” you rolled your eyes and went to the shelby’s private booth. “what is it that you want, tommy?” “what the fuck do you mean ‘what do i want’? you, i want YOU. i need you. did ya lose your fucking mind in france like danny whiz-bang?” you felt your bottom lip trembling and your throat choking up. “i… i thought y- you were fucking dead. i mourned you. for MONTHS. i grieved over the death of the love of my life. of my future husband. of my future children that i’d have with him. and then, just as i’m making my peace with it, YOU have the fucking audacity to show up? you have some bloody nerve, tommy shelby.” the look in his eyes softened as he took a step closer to you. “no. don’t you dare come any closer to me, tommy, i’ll kill you.” you said, holding up the bottle of whiskey as a weapon. he embraced you, holding you tightly, his fingers stroking your hair. you resisted the hug and tried to push him away, only to find his grip on you getting tighter. “g- get away… from me, p- please… i- just” your voice came out muffled between sobs. tommy felt hot tears rolling down his own cheeks. “shhh, sweetheart. i’m okay, eh? i’m fine. i’m here, with you.” you dropped the bottle you were holding and it shattered into a million pieces on the ground. you stood there in his arms, crying for what felt like an eternity. you finally pulled away from him, and he wiped your tears with his thumbs. you laughed, but then lightly slapped his arm. “you scare me like that again, tommy, i swear i’ll kill ya.” “i’ll hold you to it, sweetheart.” he kissed your forehead, and you rested your forehead against his. he tentatively closed the gap between your lips and his, and you pulled him by the collar and kissed him with enough force to make him trip and fall. he managed to stay steady and kissed you back with equal fervour. he spoke between kisses. “i *kiss* spent *kiss* every *kiss* second *kiss* thinking *kiss* of you.” you giggled. “i missed you too, tommy.”

he told harry that you’d be leaving the bar early that day, and dragged you out the bar while holding your hand, a smile on his face for the first time in a long time. “the great thomas shelby isn’t embarrassed to have a barmaid as his girlfriend?” you giggled. “never. and those who think i should be embarrassed can suck me cock.” he spoke proudly. he opened the car door for you, and you sat inside and waited for him to turn the ignition on. “where are we going, tommy?” “i want you to meet my family, love.” during the countless hours you spent together chatting, he told you about his family’s idiosyncrasies and stories about them. how arthur needed to be protected the most during fights because he was just as likely to hurt himself as he was to hurt someone else, how aunty pol’s instincts about love were never wrong, how john once fell in love with a prostitute and everyone laughed at him, how ada was the most rebellious and married a communist (who happened to be in of his best mates), and how finn always pretended to act like tommy, doing whatever his big brother did. you were excited to meet them of course, but anxious. they would be your family one day too.

he held your hand as he brought you in, everyone sitting around a table waiting for him. “does everyone just sit together like this?” you asked. “uh, no i called a family meeting for 3 pm.” tommy replied simply. “how did you know you’d be able to have me here by 3?” he winked at you. “i have my ways. and i know how much you love me.” he spoke in a singsong voice. you rolled your eyes at his schoolboy behaviour and waited for him to speak. “shelby’s, this is my girlfriend and soon to be fiancé, y/n.” he held his arm around your waist proudly, and you leaned up to kiss his cheek. you recognized arthur and john immediately from your time in the war. you assumed that the older woman was aunt polly, and the younger with the baby in her arms would be ada, leaving the youngest member of the family, finn. john came up to talk to you first, while tommy spoke with polly. “you know i didn’t really mean the ‘marry tommy’ thing?” you laughed as you replied, “i didn’t either, but fate works in weird ways, eh?” he agreed with you before talking to tommy. arthur was the next one to see you. “you and tommy, eh? if it wasn’t for the war, you two would probably never have met. i s’pose war isn’t all bad then.” “perhaps you’re right. i did find your brother to be arrogant before the war.” “that he is, y/n. that he is.” both of you looked over at him, engaged in conversation with everyone else. you fussed over the baby in ada’s arms. “awww, he’s precious! what’s his name?” “karl, after karl marx.” you shot her a look. “it’s unconventional, i know. but freddie really wanted it.” “it’s lovely.” finn rushed over to you and kissed your hand. you gushed exaggeratedly. “what a gentleman you are, finn!” “if tommy wasn’t here, you’d be my girlfriend, miss y/n.” you laughed at his childishness and ruffled his hair. “sure i would, finn.” the only person you hadn’t spoken to yet was aunt polly, arguably the most intimidating person of the family. “i have one question for you, y/n. how you answer it will determine if you’re fit for being a shelby. how do you think i kept this business up and running during the war?” you felt put on the spot but tried your best to answer. “um, well, to be quite frank, i’ve believed that women are better at business anyway. we know how to settle deals with whiskey and not fists or guns. and you seem like twice the man than most men i know anyway.” her lips twitched up into a smile as she looked to tommy. “oh, i like her already.” he held your hand in hers, and addressed tommy. “she seems like a lovely girl, do not fuck this up tommy.” tommy shook his head and laughed. “i’ll try, pol. i’ll try.”

you ate dinner with the shelby’s before you headed up to his house. “you sure you don’t want me to walk you home?” he asked for the hundredth time that night. “no tommy, i’m perfectly content spending the night with you. unless you’d like me to leave?” you questioned. “no no, stay, please!” he said, almost pleadingly. you looked around his bedroom when you reached his home. it was obviously a house, but it didn’t feel like a home. you frowned at your observation. “what’s wrong, y/n?” “this house isn’t a home yet, tommy.” “that’s because i want my first home to be with you. with our children. and as far as i’m concerned, you are my home.”

“care to dance?” he asked, holding out his hand. you looked at the gramophone in the corner. “that doesn’t look like it works, love.” you placed your hand in his. “so what? we can dance without music.” he said, holding your waist close to him, your hand on his shoulder. you leaned your head on his shoulder, both of you dancing in the silence, listening to the sound of each other’s breathing. “kiss me, tommy.” you whispered. he obeyed probably for the first time in his life and kissed your soft lips.

things escalated and you were now on tommy’s bed, tracing the sun tattoo on his chest, with him on top of you. “fuck me, tommy, please.” “your cunt wants this cock?” he growled. you moaned in his ear. “fuck, yes tommy, make me yours.” he stretched you out in the most blissful way. of course, you had used your fingers before, but nothing could replace the feeling of his cock. “god, please!” you moaned out, words slowly turning into incoherent sounds. tommy chuckled. “god can’t hear you now, sweetheart. not here.” he pistoned his hips into you just right and it wasn’t long before he found the spot inside you that made you scream. “t- tommy fuck! right there, please don’t stop!” “i wouldn’t dream of stopping, darling. my girl, so pretty all spread out for me. take it, love. take that cock.” the feeling of your impending orgasm coursed through your entire body, making you writhe in pleasure. “god, i’m so close tommy!” “good fucking girl.” his hand reached down to rub circles on your clit while he fucked you so good. “oh god, tommy, i’m not gonna be able to walk tomorrow…” “that’s the plan, sweetheart.” he spoke as he kissed hickeys on your neck, matching the ones you’d given him earlier. “come on love, make a mess on my cock.” as soon as he said that, you felt yourself falling apart, the tight band in your stomach snapping, uncontrollable moans of his name falling from your lips. “thank you tommy, thank you so much.” you moaned, drunk on the feeling of his cock inside you. “such an angel. who do you belong to, sweets?” he said, still pounding your cunt. “y- you, tommy. i belong to you!” “that’s right, sweetheart.” he whispered in your ear, “i love you, darling.” you moaned as you felt your second orgasm approaching. “tommy, fuck! i- i love you too!” “god i’m gonna cum inside you! you’d like that, eh? me getting you pregnant, all nice and round with my baby?” you felt your orgasm pulsing through you at his words. “yes, tommy! fill my womb up, please! i need it!” you heard tommy’s loud moans as he came inside you. “oh, such a good girl. took my cock so well, love.” tommy stayed on top of you for a while, his cock still inside you. “i’ve wanted to do that for five fucking years.” he spoke, voice muffled since his head was buried between your tits. you laughed, but the laughs quickly turned to moans as your sensitive cunt felt friction from tommy’s cock rubbing up against its walls. he pulled out of you slowly, watching his seed spill out of you. he eventually got up to get a warm washcloth and a glass of water for you. you drank the water as he cleaned you and himself up and pulled you into his chest. you pulled the covers over both of you, feeling your body flush against his. “that was amazing tommy, thank you.” “the pleasure is all mine, sweetheart.” he kissed your forehead.

ever since tommy came back from france, he had these recurring nightmares every night. of his time in the tunnels. the germans. his comrades. how he had to kill people with his bare hands. he could still hear the shovels digging the tunnels when he closed his eyes. when he was with you though, he could finally fall asleep. or so he thought.

you were awoken in the middle of the night by the sounds of a gasping tommy, suddenly sitting up. you felt groggy for a moment, having just woken up, but quickly sprung into action. you sat next to him, rubbing his back. “tommy, what’s wrong?” he didn’t speak. but he didn’t need to. you’d seen enough cases of ptsd from your time in the war to know what was happening to him. “you still see it, eh?” he only nodded. you laid back down and pulled him into your chest. he protested. “what are y-” “shut up.” you could tell, he was still a bit frantic, his breath still heavy. you spoke to him in a soft tone and you played with his fingers, his head on your chest. “listen to me. listen to the sound of my voice. feel my body against yours. you are home. you are safe. the war is over. the nightmares are just parts of your mind trying to scare you. but you’re stronger than that, eh? i’m here with you, and you don’t need to be scared. alright? i’m here with you, always.” he hummed, heavy eyelids slowly closing shut. being able to smell the scent of your perfume helped ground him. “good job, tommy. now sleep. i’ll be here with you when you wake up.” you managed to get him to go to sleep, but somehow convinced your mind to let you sleep light enough that if tommy were to have another nightmare, you’d be up immediately. fortunately, he didn’t wake up during the night.

he woke up to the sight of a sleeping you, the sun rays hitting you just right. he swore he could look at you forever. you felt his gaze on you and slowly opened your eyes. “how’d you sleep?” you asked. “like i hadn’t slept in years.” he replied.

“morning, mr. shelby.” you wished him, as you did, every day before the war. except this time, you were in his arms, in his bed. you kissed his lips softly. except this time, he finally wished you back.

“mornin’, sweetheart.”

Thomas Shelby x Reader

I was thinking of writing a Tommy x Reader one shot that my hands are currently itching to write XD.

Would you love to read it? With or without smut?

Oh the plot I thought about is somewhat similar to this fic I recently read but in my fic we work in the kitchen and we're more on the power side (because your writers a top herself 😌).

People who will like this post will get tagged ^^

I'll Fold Like the Makahiya Leaves (Thomas Shelby x Reader)

This gif makes me go feral 👹👹👹

✨NSFW [Mention/Scene of cheating (Not Tommy), p n v, Unprotected (cover it before you tap it? is that the term?? XD), Oral (both), Language], Thomas "gentleman" Shelby, You one rich bish (Daughter of a duke), and mention of death✨

🐧Hello!!!~ I have exams so I tried finishing this before I can go study my ars off. Also got 8 vaccinations in one go :"D so if you don't hear from me after this month I'm dead XD HAHAAHA Kidding I wont die... becuase I have more than one personality in me >:D. Also this may be a BIT long :”D BUT its a lovely story I swear :”3 sorry heh… for those who don't know what Makahiya Leaf (Humble Plant) is... Its this🐧

Anyways :3 have fun reading ^^

-----(Before the War, City of Bermingham)

The streets of Birmingham always seemed to move a little slower when you passed through. You’d see the familiar faces, offering them polite smiles and small nods from your carriage window, though your mind was always somewhere else. Your father taught you well—manners, grace, independence—but you never felt quite like the lady everyone saw.

Your father, the Duke, made sure to hire the best-of-bests to teach you everything, Literature, Combat, and Cooking. You were the best at everything as well, although your preferred cooking to which your father gifted you a restaurant of your own on your eighteenth birthday (which you managed perfectly).

At times like this when you'd be looking out the window, you’d often catch sight of Thomas Shelby, the man you secretly adored from afar, standing near his betting shop. His eyes would meet yours for the briefest of moments before he nodded in acknowledgement. It was strange, the way your lives always seemed to brush against each other but never really connected. Your father knew the Shelbys, business of course, but his feelings toward them were mixed. He respected Thomas’s sharp mind, but he didn’t want you getting too close to a man from a family like that. Especially since you were the only thing his wife left him after passing away, he was not risking it.

Not that it mattered at the time. You were, after all, engaged to Billy Kimber, a man of status, a man your father approved of.

"You have arrived Miss" your driver shouted from the outside as your footman opened the door.

"Thank you, Mister" as you jumped out of the carriage to your fiance's house.

You planned to surprise him by visiting him. Bringing along with you the pasta you cooked especially for him. With a small smile, you went forward not knowing that this was where your life would fall apart. Going in you'd see a mess was made in the living room, the maids looked at you a worry as if they warned you not to go upstairs. You slowly go up to see clothes scattered around the staircase and panic ensues in your mind. Finding his room, you slowly open the door a little to only discover Billy entangled with a woman—with your closest friend, no less. The betrayal cut deep, and you didn’t know what to do with the pain. You slowly closed the door as you went downstairs. Billy's groans and your friend imprinted on your mind like torture, you gave one of the maids the pasta and left.

-----

Calling off the wedding, your father cut all connections with Billy. Highly disappointed with his actions as he comforted you. You cried all week, eyes swollen in tears as you curled up to your knees on your bed. You just loved him too much it hurt.

After weeks of torture and isolating yourself. You hear from the maids that a war was in the midst. A sudden idea comes to your mind, as you ran to your father's office. The pain and torture of the memory bruising your kind heart, bringing you to a decision that only made sense at the time—you volunteered for the war effort, not as a soldier, but in a position that still gave you purpose: a culinary officer overseeing the mess halls (an Admin is what your father pushes you to do, but he made his connections make sure you cook too becuase your were very adamant about it).

Your father had connections in the war. Giving you that choice to be in war but not on the field, but still do the thing you loved the most. You buried your heartbreak in the work, letting the chaos of war drown out the memories.

-----(During the War, Meeting Thomas Shelby)

The clang of pots, the smell of food cooking, and the steady rhythm of military life became your new normal. You found comfort in the kitchen, in the work. It was easier to focus on meal preparations, and managing the chefs and budgets than to think about everything else you’d lost. Over time, the carefree, kind girl you used to be slipped away. You became mature, more efficient, and more respected. But there was still a part of you that missed who you had been.

As the day passed by, normal as it may be, you supervised the mess hall as the staff served soldier after soldier. As you passed by the back to oversee the service, a loud bang shattered across the room.

"Danny! Calm down!" A man with blue eyes exclaimed as he tried to pin the bigger man down he flipped all the tables and screamed which echoed through the halls.

You ran out the back of the kitchen and helped the other man, successfully pinning him down to the floor.

"You're alright! Danny!," you spoke in a calm tone to Dannys' ears as he continued heaving. You patted his back and talked him out of his oblivion.

"Wars outside Danny, you're in the mess hall, you're safe here," you whispered as his breathing slowly normalized.

The man with blue eyes looked over you in suprise, as he lifted Danny off the floor who was now apologizing. You said it was alright as you commanded the staff to clean his mess. You knew what the war did to people and this was almost an everyday occurrence in the mess hall.

As nurses escorted Danny out of the mess hall, the man with blue eyes approached you and spoke, "Sorry bout that, Ms. Y/L."

You then turned around to look at him and were surprised to see Thomas Shelby, how could you have missed that? "Mr. Shelby? You serve in the war?" was the only thought in your mind as he stared at you with his icy blue eyes. He nodded, "and you... manage the mess hall," he said with a small smile, you nodded.

This was the only time you two conversed fully, You've always wondered how'd he sound like, your father never really wanted you to approach him so he usually just greets you by tapping his hat and that's that.

However, after this day, Thomas Shelby started appearing in the kitchen almost every day. At first, it was just a glance as he passed by, greeting you as he walked by with his brothers who were smiling at you. But soon, he was offering his help—carrying supplies and staying after meals to clean up. You didn’t question it at first (since every other soldier would do the same, even his brothers), his presence was different, warm to be exact despite this cold war going on. You’d exchange a few words, small talk about the war, but nothing too personal. Yet, there was a quiet understanding between you. You both knew what it was like to feel the weight of the world on your shoulders and soon conversations ran deeper. To you explaining about your mother's passing, to him exchanging the information on how his father left their mother. It felt really warm having him at this times.

------

One evening, as you finished overseeing the evening’s meal preparations, you felt him watching you again. You kept your eyes on the work, your hands steady as you diced vegetables. “You’ve got a habit of being in places you don’t belong,” you remarked, not looking up but knowing he was there.

“And you’ve got a habit of working to the bone,” he replied, his voice low but teasing.

You finally looked at him, meeting his eyes. “It’s better than thinking about what’s out there.” you placed the knife down and sat on the edge of the desk.

Thomas nodded, his gaze softening. “I could say the same.” approaching you as he took another pair of knives out, "Mind if I help?" he picked up a potato as he looked at you waiting for your permission.

You shook your head and smiled at him before taking the potato out of his hand, "It's alright, I don't want you hurting yourself like last time." Pointing at his injured fingers.

He chuckles as he places his hands deep in his pocket. "I'll just accompany you then," as he leaned on the desk watching you skillfully slice the vegetables, he was in awe at how your delicate hands seemed so soft even after so long.

He stood there in silence for a while, and then, Arthur and John stepped in, laughter spilling from their lips as they approached.

“Look who it is ey?! The lady chef! Our dear Ms. Y/L” John called out, a teasing lilt in his voice, as he held your hand and kissed it softly. “You’ll be cooking for our wedding feast soon!”

You rolled your eyes, trying to suppress a smile. “You’ll have to find someone to marry first, John.”

Arthur chimed in, grinning widely. “I’m sure if you keep cooking like this, you’ll have all the men lining up for you.” his strong accent apparent as he spoke.

“Better watch out, Tommy,” Arthur said, glancing back at Thomas with a smirk. “I think you might have competition.” pointing his chin out the window with other men peeping at her. They then quickly hid as Arthur pointed at them, like mice seeing a big scary cat.

You caught Thomas's eye for a moment, and he raised an eyebrow, seemingly amused (annoyed?). “I think you’re the one who should be worried,” he replied dryly, nodding in your direction. “With her cooking, she’ll have any man she wants.” as he looked down, definitely not liking the attention you're getting from other men.

John leaned in closer, a playful glint in his eye. “How about we place a little wager, then ey? I bet you’ll fall for her before the war’s over.”

“What? Me?” Thomas replied, his voice laced with sarcasm. “You’re out of your mind.” chuckling a bit nervously.

“Oh, come on!” John insisted, nudging Thomas playfully. “I’ll bet you a fiver you'll be chasing for her soon. She’s got that way about her, you know?” winking at you.

You couldn’t help but laugh, shaking your head. “I doubt Thomas would ever fold for someone like me," chuckling before contintuing, "but I'm in.” patting the bag of coins in your dress pocket.

Arthur smiled, leaning against the counter with an exaggerated sigh. “What do you say, Tommy?” John pressed, his excitement growing. “Ten Quids? Just for fun.”

Thomas rolled his eyes, but the corners of his mouth lifted slightly. “I’m n't part of this ridiculous bet. I have better things to do.”

“Yeah, like how to not smile at our lovely chef here,” John joked, causing you to blush slightly as you shook your head.

Thomas pushed his brother out, apologising to you, as the two brothers walked walked away, you felt a mix of embarrassment and amusement. The Shelby brothers were relentless, but there was something warm and comforting about their banter. It reminded you of the camaraderie you had lost.

You looked back at Thomas, who seemed to have softened a bit, as he walked towards you once again. “Don’t let them get to you,” you said, attempting to lighten the mood. “They tease because they care.”

He shrugged a flicker of appreciation in his gaze. “They’re n't wrong, though. You've got talent keeping us lot well-fed.” staring at the men outside the window as they ran away. You laughed at that.

“Only as long as you’re not causing too much trouble outside,” you replied, the smile breaking through his cold exterior.

His gaze lingered a moment longer, and you felt something shift in the air, but you were still worlds apart, separated by unspoken words and hidden emotions.

-----

As days passed, Thomas was asked to serve on the field again, but just before he left for the front lines, he did something you didn’t expect.

As he walked through the back kitchen with his hat in hand, he looked at you with concern, his eyes flickering with something you couldn’t quite place. “I don’t usually say things like this,” he began. “But I’ve had my eye on you long before this war.”

Your heart dropped. You didn't expect that Thomas Michael Shelby would have rendered feelings for you. However, you were not ready, not yet, not after the heartbreak you’d been through. “Tommy, I…” you stuttered, fidgeting your fingers behind as you looked him straight in the eye. Tears almost flow to your eyes.

“I know,” he interrupted gently. “I know about what happened with Billy.” As he walked towards you, closing the remaining distance, but making sure there was still space for comfort.

The mention of Billy made your chest tighten, and you looked away. “I'm sorry Tommy, I can’t, not yet. Not after everything…”

He nodded, walking forward a bit more as he kept his eyes on you. “I understand.” As he placed his warm lips on your forehead as you inhaled. You kept your eyes closed as you heard his footsteps go further, opening only when you heard it no more and with that, he was gone.

You sighed as you scolded your heart for not taking such a kind man in your life, but you were hurt, your heart still had that scar. Inhaling the crisp air of the kitchen, trying not to break down and cry, you turned and continued cooking. Thoughts spiralling through your mind.

-----

You exchanged letters after that, brief notes of friendship and support, what you both needed at the time. However, one day, you received a different letter. You opened it knowing it was from your father, Colored crimson red just like how your father loved, you opened it with delight.

Dear Ms. Y/N,

I hope this letter finds you in good health, despite the circumstances surrounding it. It is with profound sadness that I must inform you of your father’s passing. The Duke departed this life earlier this week, leaving behind a legacy that has touched many.

In light of these events, it is imperative that you return home immediately. There are important matters to discuss regarding the estate and your father’s wishes, and I believe it is crucial for you to be present for these conversations.

Please take the necessary steps to join us as soon as possible. Your presence is vital.

Yours sincerely,

Lord Benedict Hargrove

Solicitor to the Duke’s Estate

Tears balled down your cheeks.

You were alone now.

------

With this, you were excused from your duties to attend the succession meeting with your father's connecting family (people you've never met). Leaving the war to go home.

Your father left you a hefty sum of money (possibly all his wealth) and the business he gifted you on your eighteenth birthday. Your relatives scoffed at you for this as they only got material things he owned (which also caused so much). Greedy people, you thought, they never even visited your father before he died and now they're here taking his money. The title was not given to you though, it was given to your male cousin (who was only thirteen). That was fine, you didn't even need the money from him because you had your own, you needed him but that was impossible even with all the money in the world.

-----

As the dust of war settled and the world slowly began to stitch itself back together, you found yourself in a position you had never anticipated. With the title of Duke passing to your younger cousin, you embraced your independence, leaning into the fortune your father had left you. Your father’s birthday restaurant—your pride and joy—became a symbol of resilience, not only for you but for the entire community.

Determined to build a legacy that would make your father proud, you transformed the establishment into a hub for soldiers returning home, providing meals and solace after the chaos of war. Word spread quickly about the new culinary wonder in Birmingham, and soon your name became synonymous with quality and innovation in the restaurant business. You took risks, introducing bold flavours and dishes that spoke of both tradition and your flair, quickly gaining a loyal clientele that appreciated your artistry.

In a time when women were often relegated to the shadows of men, you stood firm, a woman at the helm of your empire. Your determination and skill earned you respect, not just among the patrons but also from your peers in the industry. You refused to be overshadowed by the legacy of your father or the titles of your male relatives. Instead, you carved your path, proving that you were more than capable of handling the business and the challenges it brought.

Despite the accolades and success, a part of you felt incomplete. You often found yourself gazing out the window of your restaurant, lost in thought, wondering where Tommy went, it has been a year since his last letter. His absence weighed heavily on you, each passing day filled with uncertainty. Did he think of you? Did he know about your father’s passing? Is he... alive? Questions lingered, unanswered, like shadows at the edges of your heart.

-----

The pub was quieter than usual that evening. You stood behind the bar, wiping down a glass as your mind drifted. Life after the war had changed you. You had returned to Birmingham, but you weren’t the same woman who had left. The kindness, the sweetness—you didn’t let it show anymore. People respected you, maybe even feared you, but they didn’t know you. Not anymore.

You bought a pub close to the Shelby business (Sold to you at a lower price due to your name being famous in Bermingham). You didn’t buy it for any sentimental reason. You didn’t expect to ever see Thomas again (although your heart strings it). You convinced yourself he was gone, just like so many others who never returned.

And then, the door creaked open.

At first, you didn’t look up. You were too busy with your thoughts, too used to the routine of tending the bar. But when the room fell silent and some men left, you felt it—a shift in the air. Slowly, you raised your head, and there he was. Thomas Shelby, alive and standing in the doorway, looking very much like a ghost from your past.

For a long moment, neither of you spoke. You just stared, your heart pounding in your chest.

“Tom-Tommy? Y-You’re alive,” you finally whispered, the words catching in your throat.

“I am,” Thomas replied, his voice calm but heavy with something you couldn’t quite name. Guilt, maybe. Regret. “I’m sorry for disappearing…” as he slowly approached you, hands squeezing his Garrison cap.

“Sorry?” You set the glass down with a thud, your hands trembling. “I thought you were dead, Thomas! For a whole year, I thought—” You stopped, choking on your own words. “Why didn’t you come back? Write a letter or something???”

Thomas stepped closer, his eyes never leaving yours. “I didn’t know how. After everything, I wasn’t sure…”

His words broke something inside you. All the emotions you’d been holding back came rushing to the surface, and before you knew it, you were crying—crying. “You left me!” you screamed, the words torn from deep within you. “You left me for months!” as you backed off the counter and flaunted to the cabinet wall.

Without a word, Thomas walks into the bar closing the distance between you, pulling you into his arms (Your customers leaving). You tried to push him away at first, beating your fists against his chest, but he held you tighter, his voice low and soothing. “I’m here now… I’m here.”

You collapsed into him, letting the tears come as he held you close. The world outside didn’t matter anymore. All that mattered was that he was here, and you weren’t alone anymore.

-----(Everyone left the pub, leaving you and Tommy)

Later that night, you sat at a small table in the corner of the pub, the firelight flickering around you. The warmth from the hearth contrasted sharply with the coldness you had felt all year. You and Thomas exchanged glances, words unspoken hanging heavy in the air between you.

He shifted in his seat, running a hand through his hair, the weight of unvoiced confessions lingering between you. “You’re different,” he said finally, his gaze intense. “Stronger. I admire that.”

You couldn’t help but let out a shaky breath, the compliment washing over you. “I had to be,” you replied softly. “After everything…”

The room fell silent again, and you felt the vulnerability creeping in. “I thought you’d forgotten about me,” you admitted, unable to meet his eyes. “After you disappeared, I thought—”

“I could never forget you,” he said, his tone firm. “Not a single day passed without you on my mind. I tried to shove it away, but the thought of you being hurt… it haunted me, it did.”

His confession hung between you like a delicate thread, fragile yet binding. Your heart raced as you met his gaze, the spark of something familiar igniting between you. “and yet you left, but I understand now,” you said, the emotion spilling over (he explained that he had to be admitted to the hospital after receiving a life-threatening wound, putting him in a coma for months and weak for the rest. A reasonable reason for you to forgive him like lightning). “Although, I thought I could never forgive you.” sighing in relief.

“And now?” he asked, his voice barely above a whisper, a smile slowly tugging his lips.

You took a deep breath, feeling the weight of everything you’d been through. “I-I missed you. Admittedly.” before pausing to look at him. "I missed you, most ardently,"

A smile tugged at the corner of his lips. Then, out of nowhere, he said, “Then marry me.”

You blinked, sure you hadn’t heard him correctly. “What?”

“Marry me,” Thomas repeated, more sure this time. “I don’t want to waste any more time,” as he stands to walk closer to you.

You stared at him, your heart pounding. You had imagined this moment in so many ways, but not like this. You stood up with him as you looked into his eyes, and realized that you didn’t need time. You had known my answer all along.

“Yes,” You whispered, voice barely audible. “I’ll marry you, but you promise this time? No disappearing?”

He squeezed your hand gently, his eyes shining with sincerity. “I promise. No more running. I’ll fight for you.”

As he placed his hand on your waist with a knowing smile plastered on his face he grinned, pure happiness lighting up his face as he embraced you, lifting you off your feet in a whirlwind of joy. “I’ll make you the happiest woman in Birmingham,” he promised, his voice warm against your ear.

As he set you back down, breaths heaving from the joy you both shared, he placed his left hand on your cheek, gently caressing it. With his icy blue eyes locked onto your lips, he whispered, “May I?”

You nodded, but instead of waiting for him to make the first move, you pulled him closer by his collar, kissing him softly. The deep groan that escaped him sent a thrill through you as he tightened his grip around your waist with his right hand, while his left hand found its way to the back of your neck, deepening the connection.

The kiss was tender yet electric, answering the questions that had lingered in your mind for so long. He missed you, loved you, and that was all you needed. You pressed your forehead against his, feeling the warmth radiating between you.

With a surge of emotion, you kissed him again, this time more passionately, as if trying to pour all the lost time and unspoken words into that moment. The world outside faded away, leaving just the two of you, tangled in each other’s arms, lost in a whirlwind of feelings that had been building for far too long.

------

He groaned, and you held onto his shoulders, anchoring yourself to him as the kiss deepened, the world outside fading away. Good thing the pub was closed because, within moments, you found yourselves on the floor, completely lost in each other, breathless and exposed.

“Fuck, you feel so good, dear,” he moaned, his voice rough and filled with desire as he began to thrust in and out of you. His movements were slow yet deliberate, sending waves of pleasure coursing through your body, each thrust eliciting heavy moans from your lips.

You wrapped your legs around his waist, pulling him closer, craving more of him. Every inch of your body pressed together ignited a fire within you, each thrust igniting a deeper longing. His hands explored your curves, fingers grazing your skin, sending shivers down your spine as you met each thrust with your own rhythm.

“Thomas,” you gasped, your head thrown back as the pleasure built, eyes meeting his fiery gaze. There was something primal in his expression, a raw need that matched your own.

He captured your lips again, the kiss becoming a desperate dance of tongues and breaths, a promise of everything you both wanted. With each thrust, he drove you closer to the edge, your body responding to his every move as if it were a well-rehearsed melody.

“I’ve missed… missed you, y/n,” he whispered against your lips, his breath hot and ragged. The weight of those words sank deep into your heart, and you pulled him closer as if the closeness could bridge the gap that time and circumstance had created.

With every thrust, the heat between you intensified, your bodies moving in perfect harmony. You could feel the pressure building deep within you, a coil wound tight, ready to snap.

“Thomas, I—” you gasped, unable to form complete thoughts as pleasure coursed through your veins. Your body responded instinctively, tightening around him, and with a final thrust, you were sent spiralling into bliss, your orgasm crashing over you like a wave.

“Y/N!” Thomas softly groaned, feeling the way your body clenched around him, drawing him deeper into your warmth. He didn’t stop; he kept thrusting, wanting to prolong the pleasure that enveloped you both. Each movement sent another pulse of ecstasy through you, pushing you to heights you didn’t know existed.

“Please,” you whimpered, overwhelmed by the sensations, your body teetering on the edge once more. The overstimulation was almost too much, but you craved it, craved him. “I can’t… too much…”

“Just a little more, love,” he murmured, his voice low and sultry, completely lost in the rhythm of your bodies. He thrust harder, deeper, chasing his release, wanting to see you unravel beneath him again.

With a series of slow, deliberate thrusts, you felt the familiar rush build once more. The world around you blurred as you scratched his back. “Thomas!” you cried out, arching your back as the second orgasm hit, sending stars dancing, moaning as you looked straight into his icy blue eyes.

“Y/N!” he gasped, feeling the way you tightened around him again, the sight of you unravelling beneath him igniting a fire within him. He couldn’t hold back any longer, thrusting into you a few more times before he finally reached his climax, spilling himself on your stomach with a low groan.

The room fell silent, save for your heavy breathing as you both heaved from the intensity of what just happened. Thomas slowly withdrew, catching his breath, and a satisfied smile crept onto his lips as he looked down at you, flushed and blissed out.

“I’ll be right back,” he murmured, leaning down to plant a soft kiss on your forehead before rising to clean himself up. You watched as he retrieved a cloth and gently wiped away the remnants of your passion from your skin, careful and tender.

“Thank you,” you whispered, a shy smile tugging at your lips.

He returned to you, covering you with his big coat, the fabric enveloping you in warmth. You nestled against him, both of you laughing softly, the moment feeling almost surreal. You just did it on the floor.

“Quite the way to celebrate our reunion, eh?” he teased, his voice light, yet there was an underlying tenderness in his gaze.

“Definitely not what I expected,” you replied, your laughter echoing in the empty pub.

As you both settled into a comfortable silence, the warmth of the coat and each other enveloping you, the world outside faded away.

-----(Watery Lane)

The next morning, Thomas took you to meet the family. Arthur and John were already waiting when you two arrived, grinning like they’d just won a bet.

“Told ya she’d come around,” John said, elbowing Arthur. “Just took Tommy long enough.”

You laughed, shaking your head as you reached into my pocket and pulled out a small pouch of coins. “Here,” you said with a smile. “Your winnings.”

John chuckled as he pocketed the money, while Arthur grinned at you like you were already part of the family.

Polly watched you from her seat by the fire, her sharp eyes taking in every detail. After a long pause, she spoke. “You’ve got the backbone for this family,” she said looking deep into your eyes as she sighed. “You’ll do just fine,” Polly said approvingly. “You’ve got the strength to keep up with this lot.” puffing another hit on her cigar.

You smiled, feeling, for the first time in a long while, like you were exactly where you were meant to be. Felt like home.

-----(Married to Tommy <3)

Being married to Thomas Shelby meant more than just sharing vows; it meant a newfound power in Birmingham. There was an unspoken fear that rippled through the streets whenever his name was mentioned, and you could feel it. People admired you, not just because of your accomplishments, but because they understood the weight that came with being Mrs. Shelby. Thomas intended to keep you safe, to wrap you in a cocoon of protection that no one dared to breach. The knowledge that no one would dare hurt you, not with him at your side, filled you with a sense of security you had never known before.

As the sun began to set, painting the sky in hues of orange and purple, you prepared for Thomas’s return home. You had spent the day tending to the pub, the laughter and chatter of patrons ringing in your ears, but nothing compared to the excitement of having him back in your arms. The warmth of his presence was something you longed for, something that made your heart race just thinking about it.

The door creaked open to your shared home, and there he was—Thomas Michael Shelby, rugged and handsome, the familiar twinkle in his eyes igniting a spark within you. You walked to him, unable to contain your smile as you flung your arms around his neck. “Welcome home, my husband” you whispered, your heart swelling at the sight of him.

He wrapped his arms around you, pulling you close, and you felt the world outside fade away. “I missed you, my wife” he murmured against your hair, his breath warm and comforting. Without hesitation, you leaned in, capturing his lips with yours in a soft yet passionate kiss. The moment felt electric, igniting a warmth that spread through your entire being.

As the kiss deepened, you could feel the weight of the day slip away. Thomas’s hands moved to your waist, drawing you closer as if he wanted to meld your bodies into one. You lost yourself in him, the world around you disappearing until it was just the two of you—lost in your universe.

Your heart raced as you pulled back, searching his eyes. There was a hunger there, an undeniable connection that only deepened with each stolen moment you shared. In that instant, you knew that this was where you belonged, wrapped in his arms, feeling utterly cherished.

Thomas leaned in again, this time capturing your lips with more urgency. His kiss was fervent, igniting a fire within you that made your breath hitch. The taste of him lingered on your lips, sweet and intoxicating, and you could feel the pull between you, a magnetic force drawing you ever closer.

He broke the kiss, his forehead resting against yours, his breath heavy. “Let’s not waste any more time,” he said, his voice low and filled with desire as he swept you off your feet. You gasped, both of you laughing softly, placing soft kisses on his neck as he walked up the stairs.

"Oh dear Tommy, I'll always fold like a Makahiya Leaf for you no?" chuckling as you licked his ear eliciting a deep groan from him.

"No worries y/n, I'll wait till you open again like I always do" as he kicks the door close. As he laid you gently on the bed, the air between you crackled with anticipation. He kissed you as his hands pulled your nightgown up and your hands unbuttoned his vest and polo, leaving both of you naked in minutes (With Thomas in his trousers).

Thomas’s eyes darkened with desire as he took in the sight of you beneath him, the soft glow of the setting sun illuminating your features. You felt your pulse quicken as he leaned down, his breath warm against your skin.

“Just relax, love,” he murmured his voice a deep growl that sent shivers down your spine. He started trailing soft kisses along your collarbone, his lips warm and teasing, igniting every nerve in your body. Each kiss made you arch into him, craving more of his touch.

“Tommy,” you gasped, your fingers threading through his hair as you pulled him closer, urging him to continue. He chuckled softly, clearly enjoying the effect he had on you, and continued his descent, his mouth leaving a trail of heat along your skin.

His kisses travelled lower, savouring every inch of you. As he reached the hem of your dress, he hesitated for just a moment, locking eyes with you, seeking permission. You nodded, breathless with anticipation, and he wasted no time in lifting the fabric, exposing your bare skin to him.

“God, you’re beautiful,” he breathed, his eyes roaming over you as if you were a work of art. With a slow, deliberate motion, he kissed your thighs, igniting a fire within you. You squirmed beneath his touch, the sensation of his lips brushing against your skin almost too much to bear.

“Please, Tommy,” you pleaded, your voice thick with desire. He looked up at you, a wicked grin spreading across his face, before diving in, his mouth exploring you with a fervor that made your back arch off the bed.

His tongue worked magic, teasing and exploring, eliciting gasps and moans that filled the room. You held onto the sheets, desperately trying to ground yourself as waves of pleasure washed over you. The world around you faded away, leaving only the two of you in this intoxicating moment.

“Just like that, love,” he encouraged, his voice muffled against you, and you felt your body respond, tightening around the pleasure he was giving you. He continued to work his magic, his movements expertly bringing you closer to the edge, the tension building deep within you.

As your breath hitched, you could feel the pressure mounting, a delicious tension coiling tighter and tighter until you felt as if you might break. “I’m going to—” you gasped, unable to finish your thought before he intensified his efforts, bringing you over the edge into a blissful climax.

Your body trembled as you rode the waves of ecstasy, calling his name, your fingers digging into his hair as the world around you spun. He didn’t stop, though; he continued to savor you, prolonging your pleasure as the overstimulation sent you spiraling once more.

“Tommy, please,” you gasped, overwhelmed by the sensations, but he only increased the fervor, his mouth working tirelessly. Your body responded, the waves crashing over you again, igniting every nerve ending until you were a quivering mess beneath him.

With a final surge of pleasure, you let go, your second orgasm washing over you like a tidal wave. Both of you lay there, breathless and entangled in each other, the world outside forgotten. Thomas gently kissed your forehead, his clean fingers tracing soothing patterns on your skin as you came down from the high of your shared passion.

He finally pulled back, just enough to meet your gaze. “You alright, love?” he asked, concern lacing his voice, but the smirk on his lips hinted at his satisfaction.

“More than alright,” you replied, a grin breaking across your face as you snuggled into him.

After a moment, he got up to clean up, his movements effortless and casual. You watched him, feeling a warmth swell in your chest. When he returned, he draped a big coat over you, wrapping you in warmth and comfort.

“Ready for round two?” he teased, his eyes sparkling with mischief as you laughed, the sound echoing in the cozy room.

“This is going to be a long night,” you replied, a mischievous glint in your eye as you shifted beneath the warm coat. You could feel the remnants of passion coursing through you, and the sight of Thomas’s relaxed, satisfied posture ignited something within you.

With a playful grin, you pushed him back onto the bed, surprising him. His eyes widened, a mix of curiosity and amusement flashing across his face. “Oh? What’s this, then?” he asked, his voice low and teasing.

“Just returning the favor,” you said with a smirk, your confidence surging as you climbed over him, straddling his hips. His breath caught in his throat, and you could feel the heat radiating from him. You leaned down, capturing his lips in a heated kiss, savoring the taste of him on your tongue.

As you pulled back, you let your hands roam down his chest, feeling the muscles beneath his shirt. “I think it’s time I take care of you, Mr. Shelby,” you whispered, your voice sultry and inviting. You could see his surprise morph into a pleased grin, and he nodded, a hint of anticipation in his eyes.

You began trailing kisses down his neck, your lips brushing against his skin, eliciting soft gasps from him. The thrill of being in control sent a rush of adrenaline through you. With each kiss, you worked your way lower, taking your time to explore him, to tease and tantalize.

“Bloody hell,” he breathed, his hands instinctively gripping the sheets as you continued your journey. You could feel the tension building in him, and it fueled your desire to push him further. When you reached the waistband of his trousers, you paused, looking up at him with a playful smile.

“Do you trust me?” you asked, your voice a low murmur. He met your gaze, his icy blue eyes darkening with hunger as he nodded. “Always.”

You leaned down, slowly unbuttoning his trousers, your fingers brushing against his skin. The moment you freed him, you wrapped your hand around him, feeling him pulse in your grasp. You looked up at him, a wicked smile playing on your lips, before taking him into your mouth.

“Y/N,” he groaned, his voice thick with pleasure, and you felt a surge of satisfaction at the sound. You began to move your mouth in a slow, tantalizing rhythm, taking your time to savor him. Each flick of your tongue drew deep moans from him, and you reveled in the power you held.

“God, you feel so good,” he gasped, his hands tangling in your hair, guiding you gently. You picked up the pace, your mouth working him with a fervor that sent shivers through both of you. The sounds he made only spurred you on, pushing you to explore him further.

As you lost yourself in the pleasure of the moment, the world outside faded away, leaving only the two of you, intertwined in this blissful dance. You could feel the tension building within him, and it ignited a fire deep inside you.

“Don’t stop,” he urged, his voice strained, and you obliged, wanting to bring him to the brink. You intensified your movements, your mouth and hands working in perfect harmony as you brought him closer and closer.

With a few final strokes of your tongue, you could feel him tremble beneath you, his breath hitching as he neared his peak. “I’m close,” he warned, his voice thick with need, and you took that as your cue to give it your all.

With one final push, you enveloped him completely, taking him to the edge before he finally released, his moans filling the room as he spilled into your mouth. You swallowed every drop, feeling victorious as you pulled back to meet his gaze.

Thomas lay there, panting, his chest rising and falling as he looked at you with a mix of admiration and desire. “You’re unbelievable,” he breathed, a wide grin spreading across his face.

“Just doing my part,” you teased, wiping your mouth playfully before leaning in to kiss him again, feeling the warmth of his body against yours.

You settled beside him, feeling utterly satisfied and connected. “What do you say we continue this long night?” you suggested, a playful sparkle in your eye.

He chuckled, pulling you closer. “I think I could be convinced.”

With that, the night was filled with love and sense of comfort. Thomas Shelby was all you needed. A man who could wait for a Makahiya Leave open once more and shower her with all his love.

Indeed, he was all you needed.

-----

🐧Wrote this in my laptop... The spacings off... I got lazy removing the extra spaces sorry bout the long spaces in between hope it was still readable :"3🐧

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Peaky Blinders Masterlist

(wattpad: wordless-writing).

Also, if for some reason some links look odd or are missing, then please notify me because for some reason they keep deleting.

Requests are open!

Thomas Shelby

Gun Metal and Daisies (full story on Wattpad)

The Anya-Margaret (coming soon)

One shots

Ozymandius (x femm!reader)

Polly Gray

One shots

“In the garden I will die. In the roses, they will kill me. I was going, mother, to pick roses, to find death.”

Gun metal and Daisies- chapter 1

It’s a crime for a bluebell to look THAT good.

Masterlist

May the flowers remind us why the rain was so necessary.

"Ouch!" Dorothy, had stumbled into a bramble bush.

She shook her hand in attempt to lessen the stinging sensation, but paid no actual mind to pulling out any of the thorns, too distracted by the blessing of a sunny day in Birmingham.

It was rare for Birmingham to get a sunny day, let alone one with clear skies and lazy breezes. Lucky for Dorothy, she had her day off today, and found herself stumbling around the woods.

This week she'd had her birthday and without a doubt, it was possibly one of the best days of her life. Her father, Dean Monroe, unknowingly to her; had slowly saved up just enough money to purchase her a Kodak Jr, an early model of the actual one, second hand too, but it worked and that's all that mattered.

She remembered sobbing into her hands when she was presented with the gift. The overwhelming joy completely threw her. Once she got over the initial anger of her father keeping secrets and spending so much on her- she thanked him as many times as she could blubber out through her tears.

So here she was, staggering around the woods on the outskirts of Small Heath; a slightly bloodied and pricked hand from her clumsy fall she had earlier.

Off in the distance she saw a stream with bluebells dancing over the path of the water. The sun was shining over them in a way that made them prance over the stream like a ballet performance - putting on a show for only her and nature to see.

After hearing the distinct 'poof' of her camera, the film slowly ejected. She took the developing photo card and ran the smooth texture over her hands.

Mesmerised by the picture that was appearing in her hands, it was no surprise that she almost dropped it when she heard the sound of a door slamming shut in the distance.

Dorothy was highly baffled by the sound as she was in the centre of the large woodland area; there was no buildings or structures here. That's what kept this place so beautiful.

Snapping out of her shock, she shoved the photo into her notebook to protect it and placed it in her film satchel.

Dorothy wasn't necessarily an innocent girl, knowing all too well the dangers of the world, but she was still a very pure one despite all of her trials and tribulations.

Her refusal to ever see the impure before the contrasting was her best and worst trait. She is a friend to many but a target to many more.

Though meek and somewhat shy, she is passionate about things she loves and will fight skin and teeth for them.

This was apparent when she stumbled across a home, it seemed. One that didn't belong in the woods, but rather looked like it should be pushed on the end of a street in line with others that looked exactly the same.

It's brick was grey, covered in dirt and it's roof looked like it was rubbed in coal. All in all: it wasn't a pleasant sight and it was an offensive gesture to the woodlands she loved so much.

Dorothy was near fuming.

——

The guns were gone.

They had been dug up. He didn't know how, but now he had lost his bargaining power.

The police were on the streets searching for him. He needed to lie low.

Thomas thanked whatever God there was- no -he thanked himself and his pre-disaster planning that he had built the safe house.

He made a mad dash around the back streets and alleys of Small Heath, taking a risky stretch as he crossed the open fields-hoping that he wouldn't be spotted in the open. As soon as he spotted the house, he did not cease his speed until the door was slammed shut behind him.

Looking around now, trying to get his breath back; He noticed the way that the house was laid out. He hasn't actually been to the safe house, only approving of the outer appearance, knowing it would be inconspicuous and won't draw attention to the building in the woods.

The house was decorated in a somewhat homely fashion. It must have been Aunt Pols doing when he left her to sort out supplies.

He chose not to dwell on the appearance and instead peer out of the windows, cautious of coppers.

When he saw none, he stomped over to the cabinet, situated next to the sofa and pulled out a bottle of Whiskey.

While admiring the fine brand that had been seemingly waiting for him to drink it; He was quickly brought back out of his thoughts when he heard violent banging on the front door of the house.

——

Thank you so much for reading the first chapter! I'm so excited to get into the nitty gritty of this plot line.

Special thanks for nature.and.nonsense for editing some of her photos so they could work with my story! They have the coloured ones on their insta if you want to see them!

I hope you enjoyed this chapter and hopefully many more!

Thanks for the love.

Feedback and comments are wanted.

See ya next time!

Gun Metal and Daisies (Thomas Shelby- Chapter 10

“You can’t make a monster cookie to honour my name, Bonny.”

Masterlist

A witch ought never to be frightened in the darkest forest... because she should be absolutely certain in the depths of her soul that the most terrifying thing in that forest was her.

Dorothy said nothing as she sat him down in the waiting chair.

She also said nothing as she rushed to the back room. She plodded around looking for the best equipment that she could.

The silence continued until she was sat right in front of him, tugging his waistcoat and shirt off.

Nothing was said as she prepared to dig around inside his shoulder for the bullet.

This horrible silence was different to all their other silences that they usually had. It was different because Dorothy was confused.

She now knew he was Thomas Shelby, of course.

But she didn't know how to equate her Bubs on the same line as Thomas Shelby.

They were completely different people in her head.

Dorothy very quickly realised she was foolish for ever thinking this man her friend. Dorothy knew nothing of her Bubs, their friendship was built on an accidental meeting and unexpected run-ins.

The silence was shattered as she plunged the spoon and icing stick into the wound (she sterilised them first, of course) and Thomas' voice roared.

She could only wince in apology as his body instantly jerked away. She had no way of holding him down so she could only move back and forth with him and plunge the utensils in further.

After a horrible 2 minutes of digging around, the bullet was out and on the table.

She grabbed some thick string and a needle and sewed his wound. Thomas only reduced to grunts and the clenching of his fists at the numbing pain.

As she leant forward she cut the string off with her teeth, Thomas could smell her hair - she smelled of vanilla and sugar and rose water perfume.

Dorothy then thought back to the very little time she had spent with this man, she thought of the way he looked at her and answered her. There was nothing malicious in his face.

Dorothy just couldn't be scared of this man. She couldn't work out why, but she just couldn't.

She thought of all the innocent people he had probably killed and she empathised for them.

But that wasn't her Bubs. Her Bubs wasn't a man she knew, but a man she would like to know better.

She had never met Thomas Shelby and she hoped she never will.

The man in front of her was her Bubs.

Maybe this is one of the things people would call one of her flaws. She couldn't help but see someone's heart before their name, because people were not their looks or their family.

She refused to see him as Thomas Shelby because Thomas Shelby was a horrible man, but not her Bubs.

Dorothy repeated these words like a mantra in her head. You could say she was making excuses and maybe she was, but she didn't care. Not right now.

——

There was a long moment of silence after she handed him a bottle of Brandy, the same one she had bought that morning, well, he had.

She was staring at the ground, not saying anything.

"So..." she coughed, "Shelby, huh?"

Thomas for some reason ignored her question and instead answered with his own, "why did you help me?"

"Huh?"

"Why did you help me?" He repeated, "you know who I am, you can't possibly want me here, especially now that not only five minutes ago, I was bleeding all over your shop."

Dorothy only sighed, "I don't know." She furrowed her eyebrows, seemingly trying to come up with an answer of her own; "Friends help friends?" She stated more like a question rather than anything else.

"But I saw you, this morning. I saw the way you instantly recoiled at the sight of my men. Now you know they're my men, why are you still helping me?" He prodded further.

"They aren't your men. At least not to me they're not. They're Thomas Shelby's men. You're Bubs." Her answer didn't make sense. For a third time in their short companionship, Thomas thought she was daft, or worse.

She continued, "the man I've spent time with is not a gangster." That one hurt. "A ruthless man" ok I get it. "A killer." Low blow. But fair.

"The man I've spent time with is Bubs. I've been naïve to think I knew him, but I want to know more about Bubs. Not Thomas Shelby. Because Thomas Shelby is only a name with connotations wrapped around it. Thomas Shelby has become all of those things. But despite all that; Bubs is not Thomas Shelby." Her rambles, though not entirely coherent nor logical, seemed to be good enough for her when she nodded her head.

Thomas could only nod his head, supposing that was a reasonable answer.

"So what would you have done if I'd died? Eh?" He joked a bit, to lighten the air. Not a great way of doing it, but ok.

She only shrugged, giggling a bit, "I'd have made little cookies in the shape of monsters, to honour your reputation that you seem hell bent on keeping. Oh! and I'd make them with dark chocolate, because I know you like dark chocolate." She smiled a small smile, that only he could see.

He only scoffed jokingly, "you can't make a monster cookie to honour my name, Bonny."

"Of course I can! And what a mighty terrifying monster it would be! Buyers would tremble at the sight!" She shook her fist at the sky.

Thomas was silent for a moment, followed by the sound of roaring laughter. He laughed a laugh that he hadn't in a while.

Though she was mocking his reputation, he found her profound statements highly amusing.

And just like that, the previous events were forgotten. And in that moment, they were not Dorothy and Thomas. They were Bonny and Bubs.

And it was nice. And it was pleasant. And that's all they wanted it to be.

——

Oooohh that's a big leap! I tried my best to write their feelings in the most honest way possible, I hope it's alright.

Thanks for the love.

Feedback and comments are wanted.

See ya next time!

Gun Metal and Daisies (Thomas Shelby)- Chapter 11

If I cannot bend Heaven, I will raise Hell.

Masterlist

"Aphrodite," I plead to the moon drenched sky "Tell me; if love is meant to heal, then why does it destroy those who choose it?"

From somewhere beyond the clouds, I heard the Goddess laugh.

And I knew.

Saturday.

It had been two days since that day.

That awful day.

That wonderful day.

After Bubs - or, er - Thomas was all stitched up and talking again. They found themselves talking about everything and nothing. Dorothy thought back to that day and sighed: things did not end on a good note.

——

Thomas and Dorothy howled with laughter as Thomas re-told some childhood stories, mostly centred around his brothers antics as they got into God-knows-what.

After sobering up, Thomas thought back to her words earlier that evening.

"The man I've spent time with is Bubs. I've been naïve to think I knew him-."

Thomas also realised that he knew nothing of the girl other than the basic small talk things they had previously discussed.

"So where about are you based? I've never seen you 'round ole' Watery Lane before, eh?"

His question made her stiffen. The life at home that she'd forgotten about when she was with him came rushing back in a blur, all too familiar.

"Oh, that's nothing to worry about, Bubs." Dorothy's smile wasn't genuine but just a quip to get Thomas off her back so she wouldn't have to answer questions.

Seeing her stiffness, he decided that maybe the question could wait for another time; "so still Bubs, eh?" He nudged gently.

"Of course you are! Still my good friend Bubs." She smiled proudly.

Thomas' heart twanged at her words.

The light-hearted conversation moved on, at one point, Dorothy broke open a tin that had boiled sweets in them, Thomas recognised the sweets as the ones the lady down the market used to sell before she passed.

"She gave me the recipe for them when I told her I was baking sweets in the bakery, she said 'I always remember you youngins coming into ma shop and feastin' on ma boiled sweets! I always knew how you liked 'em!'"

Dorothy giggles at the accent and Thomas smiled fondly at the memory of the lady.

Thomas like he'd stated previously, never had a sweet tooth, especially not after the war; but he did indulge a bit in the boiled sweets he remembered so strongly from when he was young and wide-eyed.

The conversation carried on, Thomas spoke with as big gestures as he could manage with his injured shoulder. He talked about his brothers, his sister, his Aunt Pol. For a brief moment he even mentioned a memory he had of his mother. Dorothy felt like she knew them personally from the stories Thomas told.

Dorothy knew what happened in that home before the war. She did grow up on the same streets as the Shelby boys, albeit, she didn't hang around them, but she knew of them.

She knew that their mother died. She knew that their father left. She knew of the Gray children being taken away. She knew of all of it.

Thomas paused when he'd realised he'd been talking for fifteen minutes straight - more than he had in a long time - and looked at Dorothy intently.

"Well I think I've talked enough about my escapades and family; what about yours?"

Thomas knew she knew all of the things that had occurred in his boyhood, so he found it highly unfair that he didn't know any of hers.

Dorothy didn't smile at the question or shake her head like she usually did. Instead a frown placed its way on her face. Her hands which had been sitting in her lap previously were now dancing about. Her fingers in one hand danced around on the back of the other in her lap. Thomas noticed she did this when she got nervous. She'd done it that morning when his men had walked into the pub.

Thomas also frowned at the sight; he thought she would do what she did earlier and change the subject but instead, she only smiled a nervous smile.

She spoke of when she was young. She spoke of a time when she could eat at least one good meal a day. When she could still go down to the sweet shop. When she had full cheeks and a rosy face to match.

She didn't speak of home or her family. Thomas also noticed this but decided it good to let her talk of what she wanted.

"I remember actually when I was still in school - I was in Johns year, and one day at lunch, John kicked a ball and it hit me square in the face." Dorothy broke out into a fit of giggles.

"He didn't even notice, he just ran in, scooped the ball back up and ran back to you lot." Dorothy cringed at the memory.

"Yeah that sounds like John-boy."

Thomas continued, "So you're the same age as John, you went to the same school as we did, I must have come into contact with you at some point!"

Dorothy thought for a moment before clicking her fingers, "I think there was this one time! It was at the cut, I think. I was running around with friends, doing god-knows-what and I think you and Freddie Thorne were racing each other to the other side of the river, when one of my friends picked up Freddie's clothes and your shirt and ran off with them!" Dorothy roared with laughter as she trailed off at the end, trying to keep her giggles controlled.

"That was you!" Thomas could only gape at her.

"Well, technically it wasn't me, it was my friends, but sure." She shrugged and doubled over in laughter once again.

Thomas only shook his head at the memory. The two of them had got out, Freddie had to trek back down Watery Lane in only his shorts while Thomas had his suspenders on. Thomas got a right earful from Polly that night.

Thomas scowled a bit, but couldn't hold it at the sight of Dorothy clutching her belly with laughter.

Thomas thought that by asking her all these questions, he could get a bit further to the truth of who she was.

If Thomas was being honest with himself, he knew it would only take a bit of digging for him to work out who she was. But for some unknown reason to him, he decided that he liked the mysterious aura that came with this petite girl.

But despite all this; Thomas was tired of beating around the bush.

He slapped his hands on his thighs and stated, "right. Go on then. Let's hear who you are. I think it's only fair, don't you? Eh?" Thomas not so subtly inquired.

Dorothy's mood dropped.

She wasn't one to get angry, and she certainly wasn't angry, she didn't do angry. But she was definitely a little miffed right now.

She knew that if she told Bubs who she was, he'd look into her and see everything about her. He'd look into her home life and see pity. He'd look into her mind and see bells of warning that never stopped ringing. He'd look into her heart and determine that though, broken, it was unbearably full and for a man like Thomas Shelby, he wouldn't be comfortable with a heart like hers.

"Who are you to sit here and talk to me about being fair? Your whole business is built on the foundations of murder and petty lying. Don't talk to me about fair, Shelby."

Dorothy wasn't angry.

But it was in that moment she saw him, Thomas Shelby. She saw that killer in his eyes flash for a second then disappear.

Thomas' gaze softened when the impact of her words hit him.

It was then, he learnt another thing about Bonny. She was kind, but she wasn't weak.

Kindness is often mistaken for weakness and that is a mistake you don't want to make.

Kind people are not born that way, they do not stumble into it, kind people are forged in fire and darkness and imploding stars... they have steel cores. Throw a punch and you'll break your hand.

The devil runs when the good man goes to war.

Their silence lasted until Thomas heard his name being shouted in the streets. He didn't realise just how much time he'd spent in the bakery.

Dorothy sat in her chair. She felt guilty for her words, but she had no other way of keeping her name close to her heart. Thomas could read her like a book if he wanted to.

But unlike Thomas, she was not burdened with her name. She had no squander with the way people spoke her name.

So she kept it close to her heart.

Because it was then, she knew, that once Thomas Shelby had her name, her heart would surely follow, not far behind.

Thomas stared at her for another moment. He lifted himself out of his chair, groaning in slight pain which made Dorothy flinch.

He left the shop, the bell chiming loudly enough to shake the tension but not push it to leave.

But he left. Without so much as a goodbye.

Dorothy sat for another moment. She sighed and got to work with cleaning up.

——

So no. Thursday did not end on a good note.

But lucky for Dorothy, it was Clear-out day. So hopefully the people of the market, would surely keep her busy.

But never enough to distract her from the aching pain in her stomach as she thought of her friend.

——

Awww this one was kinda sad.

Well anyway, thank you for 300 reads! The support is crazy!

Thanks for the love.

Feedback and comments are wanted.

See ya next time!

Gun Metal and Daisies (Thomas Shelby)- Chapter 19

“Family means bullying the shit out of your silblings until they try to stab you.”

Masterlist

He stole a day dreamers heart with a handful of clouds.

Things weren't good.

But things weren't bad either.

Ever since Dean had gone to work for Thomas, Dorothy found that she could give her family more than a slice of bread or porridge for a meal. She could cater a pie once a week or maybe Toad in the Hole if she got to the butchers at the right time.

But her father, no matter what Thomas promised, could only be as safe as Thomas could afford. She didn't like the work, but she saw the upsides. Dorothy for the first time managed to get remedies from the local pharmaceutical, but that came with the price of her father being in danger.

But nonetheless, the days moved forward. It had now been around a week and a bit since the night where Dorothy invited Thomas back to her house for another night to get his newly stolen shirt for him. She'd be lying if she said she didn't miss him.

She thought about him day in and day out. She thought of the smile that she only just started being able to coax out of him more often. She thought of his warm embrace despite cold hands, that didn't really make sense but she revelled in the feeling.

——

Thomas was the same. He thought all about her, all the time. At least this time though, he was on top of his work.

He thought back to the moment when she cried her eyes out in front of him and he leant down to her level and for the first time, he looked deep into her eyes

He saw her blue/grey eyes that were harsh shades of grey with dark lines around the edges. He saw the stormy grayscale and saw an oxymoron on her face as her smile brightened the room but her eyes displayed a cold feeling to the heart.

Her pale and slightly gaunt face made her grey azures stand out among her delicate features.

"Delicate." Thomas thought. She was delicate, though he would never say it out loud to her because she would probably clap him upside the head. But she was. She was fragile in his arms and he held her together as he encircled her in his embrace.

He missed her. Terribly.

And that's why he decided to go see her.

After contemplating reasons for justifying a visit, he decided he didn't need one.

He was Thomas Shelby. He did what he wanted.

She was probably on a lunch break of sort around now.

Perfect.

——

Dorothy didn't look up when the entrance bell chimed, "Sorry, Ms. P is sick and I need to take a break to watch the ovens. Please come back in an hour, and I can serve you then!" She tried her best to be sweet about it, but if she was honest, she was tired.

She didn't actually have to watch the furnaces, it was actually her lunch break, but Dorothy didn't have lunch.

Things had been better. She tried her best to make them look better.

She decided that as gratitude, she'd try her best to make at least one full meal for her parents per day. And if by doing that, it meant that she couldn't eat a lunch, then she didn't worry. She'd eat in the evening anyway.

"Not even for me, Bons?"

Dorothy took a moment to register the voice before her head snapped up and she let out a squeal and clap at her guest.

"Bubs! Oh I've missed you!" She ran around the counter to stand in front of him.

This was really their first encounter in daylight, when any of the public could be watching. She understood that he had a hard reputation to uphold so she held back from attacking him into a tight hug and squeeze.

"I haven't seen you in a week and I don't even get a hug? The worlds truly fallen to pieces then, eh? C'mere." Thomas gestured by opening his arms, awaiting the force of her body slamming into his chest as she collided with him, momentarily winding him.

She rushed forward and embraced him in a tight hug, one that you'd give to a friend when they have to move away or when you'd just seen someone for the first time in years. It surely felt like years.

"I missed you..." Dorothy mumbled quietly, so quietly that Thomas almost missed it.

He hummed quietly in agreement, just enjoying the moment the two had together.

"Now what's all this about watching those ovens? I woulda' thought Ms. P would have at least given you a lunch break?" Thomas leaned back to look down at her.

"Don' have 'ny." Dorothy mumbled as she dug her face further into his chest, if possible, as he leaned back slightly, refusing to let go of him.

Thomas leaned forward again, chuckling a bit to himself at her actions, "I thought I paid your father enough to give you a lunch at least."

"Needed it for other things."

"Ok, well I can pay Dean more, business is getting better so 's no trou-."

"Don't give us special treatment. We're not a charity case, Bubs." Dorothy for the first time leaned out of his embrace, not fully letting go, but just enough so she could stare up and glare into his eyes to show she was at least a bit miffed.

Thomas momentarily let go of her as he held his hands up in surrender, "I know. I'm sorry! I just wanted to make things better." He hooked his arms back around her as he rested them on her back again.

"Well don't. You're doing fine just being here. Don't need none of that extra shit." She muttered back.

"So if you don't eat a lunch, when do you eat?"

"I'll eat this evening with my parents." She sighed, wanting to change the conversation, starting to walk around the counter towards the kitchen.

"Do they know you ain't eating lunch?"

Dorothy was now halfway into the kitchen and Thomas had no choice but to follow her, "what they don't know won't hurt them." She waved a hand in his direction, dismissing the conversation from going any further.

"Well we can't have that, now can we?"

"Come on. You came at the perfect time. Thought I was gonna be alone for an hour or so." She held a door open that Thomas hadn't noticed before.

Going through, he realised it was just the back entrance to the store for staff. When going out, he found crates of God knows what that hid in the alleyway of the bakery and other building. Dorothy nestled herself on one of the crates in the corner. Going one way, there was a dead end as the crates stacked so high, you couldn't get over, and the other had a clean but secluded view of the busy market in front.

Thomas sat on a crate, opposite her. It wasn't that he was worried about about people seeing him with her and having fun. He just wanted to create space so she was comfortable.

The two sat and chatted for as long as they could. Thomas laughed and sighed at all the things they talked about.

He felt like he only spent a minute in passing when she had to get back to the bakery after only an hour and a bit.

They parted ways again, Dorothy waving furiously at him as he smirked slightly, stalking away.

She went through to back door and he went down the alley, connecting once again to the market place, scaring a few unsuspecting buyers as he seemed to just have appeared out of nowhere.

His short daydream of thinking about Bonny was interrupted by his older brother clapping him on the back.

"Oh hello Tom! We's thought you'd gone wondered off. No ones been able to find you, yeah, for the past hour. My, my, I wonder what you get up to." Arthur laughed as John joined them.

"You reckon he finally got a bird, Arthur?" John 'swaggered' on their general direction.

"Aye! I do! 'E's been softer more! Reckon it's one of those pretty new barmaids!"

Thomas stayed silent through the whole exchange, rolling his eyes at his brothers assumptions and stalking off in a different direction, shaking his head slightly; trying to clear his thoughts or Dorothy.

——

It was now dinner in the Shelby household. Polly insisted that everyone came back from wherever they were living to go back to the Old Shelby household for one night for a 'family meal'.

The family crowded around the table, digging into the food. It was slightly tense at first but as soon as John and Esme arrived with booze, the happy family got back into full swing, laughs and potato's passed around the table.

Thomas, always the quiet observer, just sat and smiled occasionally. He didn't show it much, but his family knew that he was content and not brooding.

"So Thomas, when were you going to tell us, you finally had a girl?" Arthur started.

From there it only went downhill, for Thomas.

The family gasped and started speculating who she was. Only laughing in his face as his jaw clenched. He couldn't get a word in, not like he wanted to. The conversation only ended when he threw his fork, like a dart, right next to Arthur's head, clattering against the wall behind his head.

Arthur only held up his hands in mock surrender and changed the subject as Thomas glared daggers into the side of his head.

The dinner ensued all the same. Only now, the conversations were weighted with subtle jokes and prods at Thomas' love life.

He would never admit it, but he did find some of the jokes funny. Only because of the kind of girl they envisioned Thomas was supposedly with. Thomas could only laugh harder when he thought of the girl Thomas was really with.

Well he wasn't with her, was he?

Thomas froze in that moment. Maybe he wanted to be with her. Thomas smiled sheepishly to himself.

He was surely in trouble now.

——

I'm having far too much fun with this book.

I really just enjoy any kind of domestic fluff and I need MORE Shelby family fluff where everyone's just okay and happy. I NEED IT.

Thanks for the love.

Feedback and comments are wanted.

See ya next time!

Gun Metal and Daisies Masterlist

Description

An introduction

Chapter 1- it’s a crime for a bluebell to look THAT good

Chapter 2- Maybe first impressions are overrated anyway

Chapter 3- “Are you a whore?”

Chapter 4- A second encounter that was not any better

Chapter 5- Intrigue and like are two very different things

Chapter 6- “I never called you Bonny, Bonny.”

Chapter 7- a warm hand is better than cold so let me hold yours

Chapter 8- Some secrets are better left surprises

Chapter 9- Rome wasn’t built in a day, but it did burn down in one

Chapter 10- “You can’t make a monster cookie to honour my name, Bonny.”

Chapter 11- If I cannot bend Heaven, I will Raise Hell

Chapter 12 pt.1- “The last time we were here, you put a gun to my face”

Chapter 12 pt.2- “The last time we were here, you put a gun to my face”

Chapter 13- What a plot twist she was

Chapter 14- “How the FUCK did you make porridge taste good?”

Chapter 15- “I wish you well on your pursuit of being.”

Chapter 16- “you have shoes that need lacing up, and you don’t know how to tie a shoelace?”

Chapter 17- “A dinner of bread and butter makes the world go round”

Chapter 18- What goes up must always come back down again

Chapter 19- Family means bullying the shit out of your siblings until they try to stab you

Chapter 20- “Are we really going to make this into a habit?”

Chapter 21- “Maybe one day I’ll get hit by a train.”

Chapter 22- “Would you ever want to fall in love?”

Chapter 23- Hypocrisy isn’t pretty

Chapter 24- Isolation is not safety

Chapter 25- “This is karma”

Chapter 26- “I did not take you as the jealous type.”

Chapter 27- “You’ve known her for two months and you still don’t know her name”

Chapter 28- The story will always glorify the hunter until the lion learns how to write

Chapter 29- Grief and love

Chapter 30- However vast the darkness, we must supply our own light

Chapter 31- Tea and revelations

Chapter 32- “I have a soul as old as Rome”

Chapter 33- “Nostalgia is a dirty liar”

Chapter 34- Well-fed devils are better than famished saints

Chapter 35- “What does an ant on our planet know about our cities?”

Chapter 36- Tea and gossip

Chapter 37- Birth, death, the silly bit in between

Chapter 38- Human conceits

Chapter 39- “How do we forgive ourselves for all the things we did not become?”

Chapter 40- Nothing ends poetically

Chapter 41- “You shouldn’t be here”

Chapter 42- Bastard. Selfish bastard

Chapter 43- “I don’t want to die”

Chapter 44- Peculiar people

Chapter 45- “Can you feel the love, Bubs?”

Chapter 46 pt.1- Successfully evading responsibility

Chapter 46pt.2- Successfully evading responsibility

Chapter 46 pt.3- Successfully evading responsibility

Chapter 47- The storm is strong, my dear, but we, we are stronger.

Gun Metal and Daisies (Thomas Shelby)- Chapter 23

Hypocrisy isn’t pretty

Masterlist

You drink a little too much

And try a little too hard.

And you go home

To a cold bed and think,

That was fine.

And your life

Is a long line of fine.

The new found friendship between Dorothy Monroe and Thomas Shelby had the whole of Small Heath talking.

Two parties, unanimously known, polar opposites.

People couldn't wrap their heads around it.

Some looked at Dorothy with a disapproving glare. It's not because they were jealous of her, but rather that she even gave the time of day to Thomas.

She spent most of her days preaching kindness and never tolerating the evil.

And understandably, people didn't see Thomas Shelby as an exactly nice man.

"Hypocrisy isn't pretty." They'd snarl.

To which Dorothy'd probably answer, "we all break our rules for someone."

Her answer wouldn't justify her actions, but maybe she just didn't care.

Maybe some thought she was trying to change and tame him.

Those who admired Thomas hated her for that. Those who hated Thomas thought it impossible.

Some, mostly the more romantic young girls, liked the pair. They thought about the romance novels they read and saw the same kind of pairings walking the streets.

Many who visited and talked with Dorothy on days she worked at the counter in her bakery, all loved her and thought her the sweetest girl to ever be.

Some thought that Thomas would taint her.

Those who liked her worried for her.

Those who didn't bid her good riddance.

Despite all the speculation, their friendship was nothing like the public suspected.

Thomas was at his best when he was with her. He was a Thomas even he himself forgot about.

Dorothy was accepting of who her best friend was. She had no desire to change anything about him. She took him the way he was.

——

It was a Tuesday and Dorothy was at the counter talking with a customer who came in regularly.

Mrs. Gold-wing, the customer, usually came in to complain about her sons choice of wife or her husbands drinking habits; but this time, she ventured in with a goal in mind.

She was one of the many who were concerned for Dorothy's well-being as she spent time with the very dangerous Shelby man. She trotted in with the hopes that by the time the conversation was over, Dorothy would be fully convinced that she wanted nothing to do with Thomas Shelby.

Mrs. Gold-wing was very naïve.

Mrs. Gold-wing entered the shop and quite loudly announced her presence while at the same time motioning Dorothy to come chat with her.

It's not like she didn't like Mrs. Gold-wing, It's just that she had work to do and these chats were never short.

Dorothy ambled over, "Morning, Mrs. Gold-wing!" She politely smiled.

"Hello love, take a seat." Mrs. Gold-wing adjusted her purse in her lap, "I need to speak with you about your new acquaintance, Shelby, isn't it?"

Dorothy internally groaned. Straight to the point, but she really didn't want to have this conversation.

"What about him?"

"I'm just concerned dear. He's a dangerous man to be around and I'm worried you'll get hurt. Being with him can't possibly be good for your health." Mrs. Gold-wing tried to be tactful.

"I can assure you, Mrs. Gold-wing, I am certainly not 'with' him. He's a good friend of mine, so don't you worry." She patted Mrs. Gold-wings hand that was resting on the table, trying to finish the conversation as her lunch break was soon and she just wanted Bubs to get there quicker.

"But that doesn't make a difference! I cannot allow you to go running around with a man like that! He'll hurt you, dear! What would your poor mother say? Does she know?"

Mrs. Gold-wing was putting a toe over the line and Dorothy was getting rather sick of it. She didn't appreciate people talking about her situation like they knew her.

"Now don't you worry about my friends and mother. I'll be alright, we're good friends, he treats me very well." She shifted slightly in her seat, trying to stay composed, "Now, what loaf would you like to take this week? I must say, Ms. P did very well this week."

"Miss. Dotty-Anne, I'd very much appreciate it is you sat down! You cannot be near that man! He's so very dangerous and is no good for kind soul like you!" Mrs. Gold-wing slammed her purse on the table which the other customers did not take very kindly to.

"We all have stories we never tell, Mrs. Gold-wing. He has his own and judging him for what you don't know and cannot prove is not fair to him or me. With all due respect." Dorothy added on at the end like it was an after thought.

"Miss. Dotty-Anne, I have half the mind to go find your mother and tell her of you gallivanting with Thomas Shelby! It's hardly appropriate for someone like you, to be seen with someone-."

"Someone like me?" A new voice entered the conversation, "someone like me, Mrs. Gold-wing? That's very derogatory, don't you think? I don't appreciate being spoken about like that."

Thomas had seemingly appeared from nowhere, leaving Dorothy's heart to leap out of her chest, from fright or happiness, she didn't know.

Mrs. Gold-wing also didn't take to kindly to the newcomer in their conversation. She pursed her lips and took a trembling hand to her purse.

Thomas continued, "I don't think it's very kind to go talking about other people's mothers like that. It's not kind to pretend to know someone, y'know?"

"That's what I wanted to say!" Dorothy's internal monologue screamed. She coughed into her hand, trying to conceal a laugh.

Mrs. Gold-wing didn't say anything as she stood up with shaking legs and manoeuvred around Thomas who stayed stock-still where he stood, watching her scuttle out of the door.

"I've never been so happy to see you, Bubs." Dorothy put a hand on her heart and sighed deeply.

"Really? I woulda' thought you'd always been the happiest what when that one time I stuck a gun to your head?" Thomas smirked slightly, offering a hand for Dorothy to take to pull her up.

She took the hand and with a swift motion, Thomas pulled her up into a welcoming hug. Assuming his normal position of resting his cheek on the top of her head.

"Shuddup" she mumbled into his chest.

Dorothy pulled back after a moment, and leaned back to look up at him, "let's get out of here, eh Bubs? I need a break from all this."

Thomas offered just arm and the two walked on.

Thomas kept his promise of trying at least one food from every shop, down in the food quarter. Today, they were having cheese toasties. Thomas was never crazy about them, but he ate them nonetheless.

As the two made their way back to the crate-filled alley, they talked quietly among themselves.

Thomas noticed Dorothy smelling the air and her eyes darted to the cardboard box that held the cheese toastie. Thomas only smirked a little and moved it slightly away from her hands which were twitching slightly. He could have sworn that he heard a small whine come from her as he adjusted the position of the steaming box of cheesy deliciousness.

They were midway through their conversation when Dorothy gasped and let go of a Thomas' arm. She crouched down and opened her arms wide. Thomas stared at her for a moment, his brain trying to catch up with the present, but he was surely interrupted by a small "oomph" coming from Dorothy as she was knocked back a little.

Thomas instinctively jutted out his knee which he stabled her against. Thomas looked down at the little bundle Dorothy held in her arms, whatever it was, it was crying, a lot, and very loudly.

"Sh, sh, shhh. Calm down Theo. Sh, sh, sh. What's wrong love?" She held the crying child close to her chest. When the child seemed to calm down a bit, she pulled him back so she could get a look at his face, trying to see if she could magically tell what's wrong.

"It's Tilda!" The boy cried out.

By now, there was a small crowd forming as people watched the scene. Thomas too, watched on. Unsure what to do.

Those words alone seemed to be enough for Dorothy to take Theo's hand, "where's Tilda? Take me to her."

She held her hand up a bit, as a silent plea for Thomas to help her up because she had no way of getting up with the slightest grace if she pushed off his knee.

Without a moment to spare, Theo spurred off and Thomas found himself following.

They shortly arrived at a cramped, narrow and dirty walkway that was seemingly abandoned.

Though as the group got further in, the two adults heard whispering and hushed chatter.

Soon they came across a huddle of the five kids but one was missing and that scared Dorothy the most.

Dorothy observed the scene and they saw Matilda on the ground with Charlie hunched over her, his hand on her forehead.

Leah stood to the side, shifting from foot to foot. Leah and Theo were the most tightly knit in the group, they spent a year together roaming the streets before they found Matilda and Charlie separately. Leah was seven and Theo and was eight.

Immediately, Dorothy sprang into action.

"Right. Leah and Theo, I need you to take these," she rifled through her dress pocket and pulled out a few coins, "go and find Mr. Whites corner shop bakery. Not mine though. Look around the stall and find a loaf of bread that has mould on it. He always has them at the front of the stall."

The two scuttled off down the walkway, nudging past her.

Dorothy turned to Thomas, "You and Charlie need to go find me a towel and a bowl of cold water. Ms. P always has a basin in the back."

Dorothy turned back to Matilda, and Thomas saw that as his cue to leave. Charlie was already darting ahead of him.

Dorothy wiped Matilda's forehead with her sleeve as it had a sheen of sweat covering it.

Dorothy took off her coat and wrapped it around the shaking girl.

The winter was harsh here, Dorothy didn't have a good, thick winter coat but it was the best she could provide.

The girl was shaking and was semi conscious. Dorothy figured that it was at first a cold which has probably now turned into flu.

"Ok. You're going to be alright Tilda. I'll sort you out." Dorothy nodded to her, trying to keep her emotions at bay.

"Where's Tammy, Tilda?" Dorothy looked around a bit, trying not to sound too panicked.

Matilda croaked our, "in her box, we wrapped her up. But-." She coughed a bit, "-but we decided it was good to keep 'er 'way from me. Don' want her ill."

Dorothy nodded as she looked to the side trying to find the box, but in the end resolved to looking for it later.

Before she knew it, Thomas and Charlie were back with a bowl of cold water, a towel and a glass. She forgot to get a glass, good thinking on Thomas' behalf probably.

Without a word she took the bowl of water, she soaked the towel and laid it on Matilda's forehead. It was times like these, that she was very glad she read those med books she was given.

Next came the mouldy bread. It was only a speculation that she'd read about a few times in books, but apparently mouldy bread worked as a medicine of sorts to combat illness.

The paper was very interesting, it was by a very young man called Alexander Flemming; she'd heard it worked a few times, but she'd never done it herself.

"Okay Tilda, I'm going to sit you up, and I'm going to need you to eat this. It may not taste that nice, but it'll help, I promise." She shifted herself so Matilda's shoulders were resting on her thigh, she also supported her head within the crook of her elbow.

"What are you doing Bonny? We can't give her that!" Thomas, for the first time spoke I up.

She glared up at him, "just trust me, Bubs."

Soon enough, Matilda had eaten two pieces of the bread. The children now sat around Matilda, not getting too close, but just observing her. Every five minutes, Dorothy would re-soak the towel on Tilda's head, muttering softly as she stroked the girls sweat drenched hair. The girl of whom was now deep asleep.

Thomas stood off to the side feeling utterly useless. He didn't know how to deal with these kinds of illnesses. Sure, he could stitch up a bullet would, but he hadn't a clue on how to deal with colds or flu.

It was now late afternoon, no one had moved a muscle and soon enough, Tammy had woken up and had started to cry.

Theo ran off to get the crying child. He brought her back, forgetting the situation slightly as he tried to calm the baby.

"Theo, sweetheart, make sure the baby stays over there, we can't risk Tammy getting sick."

For the first time that day, Thomas thought he could try and make himself useful, he wandered over to the boy with the crying child in his arms, "c'mon, give her here." Thomas gestured for the baby, and took the girl in his warm embrace, "sh, sh. C'mon now. Shh." The girl stopped crying as Thomas bounced her lightly in his arms.

A realisation came over Dorothy, "okay, we've got to get you guys some food.

"We couldn't get any coin today cause we was looking after Tilda, all we've got is one last bun." Leah sounded distressed, of course.

Dorothy was silent for a moment, she didn't have any money left, she was unsure of what to do. Thomas moved to another crate, he shifted the baby so he was only holding her in one arm, he shuffled to the cardboard box on the crate and gave it to Leah.

"Ah! Good thinking, Bubs. Glad we got a large slice! There should be four slices in there." The toastie was most definitely cold by now, but it didn't seem like the children cared.

She gave the bun to Tilda who had momentarily woken up.

But then a bigger problem occurred when Tammy started crying. She was hungry.

"Okay. Uhm. There's milk in the bakery. The key is in the usual place."Dorothy waved her hand, trying to stay calm for the children's sake.

Thomas took that as his command to get going.

"Charlie, mind helping me? I'll need help getting in." Thomas gestured with his head to the side, trying to keep the baby comfortable as it cried in random spouts.

—— (can't stop, won't stop.)

So that's how Thomas found himself wandering the streets of Small Heath with a crying baby and a boy, trying his best to keep up.

After the two had tried to be discrete about breaking in to the bakery Thomas gave what he hoped were correct directions to the glasses and milk in the larder.

He sat down in one of the chairs in the main part of the bakery and kept bouncing the baby every now and again, trying to calm it down the best he could.

Soon enough, Charlie came back with a with warm milk in a glass. Thomas took the glass and surveyed the best way of doing the job. He'd seen Bonny do it several times now, but he wasn't really sure.

He tried his best, but after a while, he just couldn't get the technique.

"I could give it a try, if you want?" Charlie offered. Thomas sighed and figured the boy had more experience with babies, which was rather sad, than he did.

Charlie got it first time and soon enough the baby was right as rain again.

Thomas sighed and put his head in his hands. He didn't expect that this was how his day was going to go. His family's hopefully used to his weird disappearances by now, but he was never  sure.

"You're a lot better with that baby, than I am." Thomas chuckled dryly.

Charlie only shrugged, "I don't know about that. Just practice innit?"

"You usually talking care of 'er?"

Charlie sighed and furrowed his eyebrows, "Tilda's usually better with 'er than I am. Did 'ave a younger baby brother a few years ago though."

"Oh yeah? I've got two younger brothers myself. One's a twat and the other is the same age as you." Thomas thought about Finn and thought maybe him and Charlie would be friends.

"What about your brother, where's he now?" Thomas didn't know why he asked or why he cared.

"Dead." Why'd he ask? "Died when 'e was only one 'n a half. I tried my best to look after 'im, but after a few months out here, I woke up one morning to him stone cold." Charlie was stoic. Not shedding a tear of anything.

Time did that to people when they'd gone through trauma. If you repeat a feat multiple times, you become numb to the feeling. It's just how human emotions work. Thomas understood the numbness that came with this sort of thing.

He nodded, "'am sorry to hear about that. My mum died when I was small. I understand what it's like to loose someone you're close to." Thomas had no clue why he was opening up to this person, a CHILD no less.

Thomas assumed it was Dorothy's influence. She made him soft. Thomas found himself looking at Charlie like a brother now. He'd spent a long while with the boy on Saturday evenings when the children visited and he'd grown fond of him.

He saw Charlie as someone who got it. Someone who grew up too fast. Someone who saw pain all too early.

Charlie got it. He got it better than his brothers. Better than his Aunt Polly.

The two carried on talking for a little while longer, just bonding and joking with boyish grins on their faces

Thomas checked his pocket watch, "aye, we better head back. Make sure they're all still okay. I can't have Bonny stressing more."

The two walked back in silence as Thomas took the baby in his arms again.

"So do you and Miss. Dotty-Anne live together or somthin'? I figured you two weren't married cause she didn' 'ave a ring." Charlie stared up curiously.

Thomas' eyes widened slightly, "uh no. We don't live together or none of that. We're just good friends, that's all." Thomas unintentionally sounded saddened which made Charlie crack a smile.

"Ah, but you want to be more?" Charlie smiles cheekily.

"Oi. Don't go poking your nose where it don't belong." Thomas barked a bit.

Charlie held up his hands in mock surrender, sniggering to himself a bit but he dropped the subject.

The moment that the two males had shared was cut short by a frantic Leah coming screeching to a halt in front of them, "it's Tilda! She's shaking! She's shaking real bad!"

——

>:D cliff hangers!!!!

Thanks for the love.

Feedback and comments are wanted.

See ya next time!

Gun Metal and Daisies (Thomas Shelby)- Chapter 24

Isolation is not safety

Masterlist

Only priests and fools are fearless, and I've never been on the best of terms with God.

"It's Tilda! She's shaking! She's shaking real bad!"

Thomas and Charlie exchanged glances before bolting down the street. Thomas tried his best to keep the baby from jostling about too much.

When they entered the cramped walkway, they heard crying and frantic movements.

"Oh, Bubs, thank God you're here! She's got a raging fever but she's freezing to the bone."

Dorothy was trying her best to to get the girl warm, her eyes had tears building up in the corners as she desperately tried to get the girl warm, "I'm so sorry Matilda! I wish I could take you home, but it's just not safe. You'll be fine, I promise!"

By now Dorothy was humming old lullaby's that Thomas also knew. Thomas had learned it was something she did when the ringing got bad; the ringing got bad when she got stressed.

Thomas gave the baby to Theo and shrugged off his blazer, he draped his coat over the violently shaking girl who was sobbing loudly, probably at the sheer discomfort that came with these sorts of illnesses.

Before Thomas really knew what was going on, Dorothy was getting under the coats and jackets with the girl, rubbing her hands up and down the girls arms, trying to get the blood flowing.

"Bonny, what are you doing? You can't get too close, you'll get sick!" He tried pulling gently on her shoulders, trying to manoeuvre her away from the contagiously sick girl.

Thomas knew Dorothy had a poor tolerance to anything, really. He'd seen her get colds from being outside for moments and sometimes collapse from pure exhaustion. He supposed that's what living her in condition would do to a person.

It pained him badly that he had no way of helping. He couldn't make everything better, he couldn't silence the ringing or give her everything so she could have the fullness in her cheeks and the satisfied feeling of a full belly. He couldn't give that to her.

"No, Bubs! She needs to get warm, I'm not just going to sit here and do nothing!" She shrugged her shoulders out of his grasp.

She lowered her voice to a hushed whisper, "I'm not letting this girl DIE, Shelby."

Thomas stepped back. Far back. He wasn't used to her using his name, his real one. Maybe her language is what made Thomas take a step back. He supposed it was only now that the severity of the situation kicked in.

He'd seen people do this in France. Men would lie next to each other as a way to make sure the other wouldn't freeze to death in those trenches. With a huff and a sigh, Thomas turned to the other children, "okay. Until we get Matilda sorted out, you kids need to keep your distance, yeah? Can't have you getting sick either. Now where do you lot sleep?"

Theo picked up the box Tammy was sleeping in and lead Thomas to a small nook in the side of the walkway. It looked to be the remains of a living room of sorts. The front door had seemingly been taken off its hinges completely, leaving the 'living room' of sorts to just be used as a means of protection front the elements.

They had mats and cloths on the floor, the whole 'house' seemed to cave in on itself. The stairway had collapsed completely so it appeared that this was the only room they stayed in.

Thomas nodded slightly, trying to get his bearings.

The three children bundled up close to each other, Charlie took a blanket that was much too small for the three of them and draped it over Leah and Theo. He then laid down next to Leah who laid her head on Theo's shoulder. Charlie then took Leah's box and huddled it close to his body, keeping a protective arm wrapped around it.

Thomas grimaced at the sight of the children who were desperately trying to stay alive.

Reflecting a bit now; Thomas looked at the children and saw them like his own at this point. A mix between sibling and children, he saw them as extended family in a way.

The children, though wary at first, accepted him with open arms the moment Dorothy gave the word.

On the surface level of things, people might think Dorothy was a mother-figure to these kids, when really- she just empathised so deeply for them that she became part of their peculiar family.

"Tell us a story, Tommy?" Leah's small voice called out through the bundles of blankets.

"Oh yeah, please Tommy!" Theo chimed in.

Thomas chuckled and shook his head, he settled next to the children on the floor, lying on his back next to Theo.

"Have I ever told you about the story of the princess and the common boy?"

"No! What's that?" Leah giggled at the premise. She liked Princesses, always wanted to be one. Thomas had seen Bonny tell her many times when Leah talked about her dreams that one day she would definitely be a princess and live in her castle with all her friends. Thomas remembered times when Leah would turn to him and ask him if one day she'd be a princess, to which Thomas' heart swelled; he'd nod his head and ruffle her hair, telling her that she'd have lines of princes stood at her door.

"Well, I'll tell you now: Once upon a time, there was a princess who always roamed the forest of her Kingdom. She took a little device with her that allowed her to save the moments and sights she saw-."

"Like a camera?"

Thomas smiled, "exactly like a camera! And one day, she came across a boy who was on the run. The two were similar ages, but didn't instantly get on very well. At first they fought and butted heads, but sooner or later, the two started to fall in love with each other."

Leah gasped a little at the story, she would have squealed with excitement if Theo wasn't already snoring in her ear, fast asleep.

Thomas continued the story until he heard soft, deep sighs coming from Leah who had surely fallen asleep.

"And the two got married and lived in the palace for ever more and went on all kinds of adventures." Thomas sighed hand sat up. He collected himself and got up, dusting off his trousers.

"What kind of adventures did they go on Tom?" Charlie whispered.

Thomas raised a brow at the child who was supposed to be asleep, but was not for whatever unjust reason. "All kinds of adventures, now go to sleep." Thomas chided quietly.

"Is that story about you and Miss. Dotty-Anne? But just this time you guys finally got together?" Charlie smiled cheekily up at Thomas.

"Now that's none of your concern, and for the record, she and I have no kind of feelings like that for each other, now zip it and shut your eyes."

Charlie's grin only widened more, "I never said anything about feelings, Tommy."

Thomas eventually gave up with the staring match when he heard distant humming coming from the walkway. He pointed at Charlie, "If you're not asleep by the time I get back, then I'm going to let Bonny have you, and I don't think you'd appreciate her nagging."

Thomas waltzed out of the door, slightly amused at the conversation. He stopped and contemplated his day for a moment. He really didn't have so much as a clue as to how Bonny had turned his life on it's head. He did not expect to be doing any of this today.

But he'd let her drag him anywhere if it meant following her.

——

Thomas approached the sound of humming and shuffling. He peeked his head around the corner and saw Dorothy holding Matilda in her arms, rocking back and forth with the shaking girl singing lullabies. She had streams of tears running down her face as she desperately tried to warm the girl up.

Thomas' heart broke at the sight. He wasn't a doctor nor had he any idea how to combat illness. In a feeble attempt at trying to be useful, Thomas sat down on the other side of Matilda and tried his best to use his own body heat to warm her up.

Maybe the sight would have been endearing to a passerby, but if you looked closer, it's was a picturesque sign of tragedy and heartbreak. If it wasn't for the violent shaking coming from the girl, you would have thought her dead.

Tragedy isn't beautiful. The misfortunes of Dorothy's life are not beautiful. The turmoil that plagues Thomas' mind is not beautiful. The tumultuous sound of Dorothy's sobs was not beautiful. The laboured breathing that Thomas harboured was not beautiful.

People are not rain; or snow; or autumn leaves. They do not look pretty when they fall down.

——

Matilda's shaking finally ceased in the early hours of the morning, her body seemingly passed through the hardest part of her fever. She was still asleep, but she was still breathing.

That's all that mattered

Her hair was matted to her scalp and tear streaks from the discomfort ran down her face like train tracks through rolling fields.

Dorothy and Thomas finally sat back a bit and breathed deeply. The long night exhausting both of them.

The panic in the air settled into a distant hush as Dorothy only continued to stare at the girl in front of her. She leaned forward and felt her forehead; her fever had finally broken.

She finally looked up at Thomas and nodded, to which he dipped his head against to wall and sighed.

He looked back to her frame that was covered in goose bumps and chills. She had long since pushed her fringe back so it now sat haphazardly on the top of her head, unkempt.

She too had tear streaks and red eyes, her lip was bleeding from her biting down on it in frustration. She started tapping her fingers on the back of her right hand in unrhythmic patterns.

Thomas leaned over Matilda slightly, careful of the girls sleeping form. He put his hands on top of her own, trying to stop her nervousness, "it's alright. She's going to be okay. You did good and now she's going to be fine." His voice was scratchy and and gruff, but it was quiet and caring to the anxious girl.

Dorothy nodded and leaned her head against the wall behind her, taking deep breaths.

Thomas found the cramped walkway to be suffocating. It was only now that the panic had stopped did his own claustrophobic anxieties kick in. "I'm going to go check on the small ones. Make sure they're sleeping alright." Thomas excused himself. His hips creaked and his knees cracked and popped at the stiffness of his body. He winced at the sounds and hobbled down the walkway to the makeshift bedroom the children created.

He slowly entered the room and sat down at the foot of where they were sleeping. Making sure they were sleeping fine and peering into Tammy's box, he sat back a bit and took a breather.

After his mind had cleared a bit he looked at the faces of the kids in front of him. They all looked truly peaceful. Their faces ignorant to the horrors that had occurred outside of the abandoned house.

They appeared innocent, like the hardships that they faced in the day did not run with them to their dreams; that is something Thomas envied.

He wished for the day when his own night terrors would stop and he too, could sleep through the night.

Thomas had a small epiphany as he sat in the cold room. He looked at the children and saw a family. They were a peculiar and odd, misfit family. But they were together. They stuck with each other, they communicated and loved one another.

Thomas' night terrors were not a product of him being haunted by demons that held him close, but rather a result of his rejection of company.

Isolation is not safety, it is death. If no one knows you're alive, you're not.

This new notion resonated with Thomas as the events of the past several weeks caught up with him. When he met Bonny he started to live again for the first time since the war.

His mind kept going back to a conversation they had when they discussed their fears. Bonny admitted that her worst fear was losing Thomas and by association, her chance to live.

Thomas finally understood what she meant. When he was with Bonny, he was no longer surviving on borrowed time, he was finally breathing again. That's why they craved each others presence. That's why they demanded each other's full attention because if they didn't have it, then they had no chance of feeling the air in their lungs that they quickly became addicted to.

Thomas found himself smoking less when she was around. She gave him air, real air; that wasn't tobacco and nicotine rolled up in a nice sheet of an early grave. She breathed life; much like he did the same for her, surprisingly.

His thoughts were interrupted by Bonny peeking her head around the door and whispering his name. She gestured for him to come back out to which he pushed up and followed her back out.

"I reckon it's going to rain soon. Mind helping me move her? I wish I could, but I can't do it by myself."

Thomas nodded silently. Exhaustion was clear on both of their faces as they decided they no longer wanted to speak any more.

Thomas, without a word, gently scooped up the small girl, trying his best not to disturb her sleep and carried her to the lodging area.

Thomas placed her down on a mat a bit farther away from the sleeping children and he re-tucked the blankets around her.

He quickly ventured out again into the walkway, he found the scrap crates that held small slats of wood. He took them back inside and lit a fire with his matches; small enough to not burn the room down, but enough to provide warmth for Matilda and the other small children.

He wandered over to where Bonny was sitting. She was curled up against one of the brick walls, her head was resting on her knees.

Thomas sat down next to her and put his arm around her shoulders, "how did you know that the mouldy bread worked?"

Bonny moved her head up so it was now resting on his shoulder, "read a paper on it. Flemmings. Works as and anti-something." Her exhaustion was clear in her voice.

Both of them were highly fatigued, it was only now when Thomas checked his pocket watch did he really understand how much time the two had been dead on their feet, going from lying down, to standing up, to changing the towelette and repeating it all again.

Thomas, with his own weights on his eyelids, wrapped his other arm around Bonny and pulled her down to the side. They shuffled about to a position where Thomas was on his back and Bonny's torso was resting on top of him; her face nuzzled deeply in his neck. The small weight on Thomas' chest relaxed him as his breathing became deeper and he drifted off with his favourite person in his arms.

As the two slept, unmoving and relaxed; the rain started pouring, only adding to the ambiance of the nights cruel events.

The rain and the wind said,

"You push and I'll pelt."

They so smote the garden bed.

That the flowers actually knelt,

And lay lodged—though not dead.

I know how the flowers felt.

Slowly the rain became torrential, but it did not touch the sleeping children.

The minuscule fire they constructed provided light and warmth.

The rain also did not touch the unrequited lover, for he held his own sunshine in his arms.

——

THE FEEEELLLLLS.

Thomas having emotional breakthroughs is my kryptonite and you can quote me on that.

Thanks for the love.

Feedback and comments are wanted.

See ya next time!

Little You-s and I-s

Thomas Shelby x Reader

Summary: You and Tommy deal with the changes that come with your pregnancy.

Your pregnancy changed you a lot.

You became more sensitive to smell for example.

One evening, Thomas arrived home from the bar, and as soon as you caught the smell of drinks and smoke on him, you rushed to the bathroom.

Then there was the incident when you craved fish but before you could cook it, the smell of it caught your nose and again, rushing for the toilet you went.

Keep reading

Shelby

A Woman Like You

Tommy Shelby x WOC!Reader

Word Count: +1,215

Warning(s): Angst, Sexist remarks, Societal pressure, Sterotypes.

Author's note(s): I've recently been using writing as a form of therapy. This goes to all the ladies that can relate.

You've fallen head over heels for Tommy Shelby, but now you're questioning if his intentions were sincere or not.

GIF by nofckingfighting

You made the mistake of falling in love. You should've seen the signs sooner. You started working at the Garrison as a bar maid with Grace, eventually moving up to being their sole entertainment. You were an exotic bird who had caught to wandering eyes of drunken Englishmen. Some folks would say you had these men in a trance, with your rare features and seductive mannerisms. Some even say you're a witch. But there was only one person who saw you for you. Tommy Shelby.

It was refreshing, being seen as a soft, delicate thing. His demeanor would shift when talking to you. He's much kinder to you that with any of his men. That was until another, prettier face had caught his eye. You of all people knew the truth: Tommy Shelby would never love you. Instead he'd fallen for your coworker Grace. She's everything you weren't. That may have been the reason why. Of course, you should've seen the signs. How he'd look at her with such tenderness.

Eventually his entire personality completely changed with you. Perhaps they were his true colors. After her death, things went south. Tommy returned to you, but only for physical intimacy. He was rough, unapologetic, and at time, downright cruel. He hadn't spoke to you like a lady, with basic respect. It almost hurt knowing men will never speak to you with kind remarks. As soon as you found a better option, you let him know right away. When you close the pub for the last time, Tommy was there. It was strange, having an Englishman waste his previous time on foreign blood.

You turn around to find Tommy sitting on a barstool, not paying him mind. Then something strange happened. He isn't usually this tender, not even in private. So why on earth was he telling you to stay? After every humiliating thing he'd put you through. How Tommy would shimmy you off his arm in front of his business associates. It only got worse when he'd flirt with women right in front of you, then ask for a fuck because it was convenient. Perhaps it was the liquid courage, maybe even the hormones that made you tear up with anger. But for some reason, you wanted to let him know he hurt you, "Enough, Tom, you need to stop doing this,"

He tilts his head up, genuinely surprised that you'd spoken up. His eyelids are hooded, "If you've got something to say..." he lights up a cigarette, "...say it now," how predictable. Tommy's cruelty had no limits. You were tired of being his little plaything, "I deserve better than this, better than you," letting him know how you truly felt, "You're fucking selfish, you know that?" tears already streaming down both cheeks, "You could've told me you were seeing other women, Tom," your vision blurs. Tommy objected, "You knew who I was when you met me--"

"Yeah, yeah I thought I did, until you decided to to make an acceptation with that blonde whore!" you knew what it would take to get his blood boiling. You wanted to hurt him the same way he hurt you, "I've wasted most of my life waiting for you to love me back, I wasted my good years on a man who wouldn't care if I bled out on the floor!" voice now shaking. You were filled with regret, pain, and anger.

He doesn't even know what the weight of his words did to you, "I know how you English men see women like us, we're always sexually desired but never loved, enough for a good fuck but not enough to make a wife," a chuckle escapes your tips at the thought of it. How could he marry someone like you? His name and status that he's worked so hard for would be tainted. Because who could ever love a woman like you? He had the audacity to roll his eyes, "You were entertainment, to bring customers in," someone pretty enough to keep company around.

"Everything, Tom, everything I've been doing, the act, because I am not allowed the luxury of being seen as innocent," after pouring your heart out, he still hadn't believed you, "Don't act like you haven't been seeing other men," he scoffs. You started to laugh at that remark. Had he really been that clueless? Tears stream down both cheeks. You wipe at them, smearing your mascara, "Now that's incredible," a deep grunt is trapped in the back of your throat, "You really think I'm a whore, don't you?" in an almost hushed tone, "Tommy, you were my first and only, do you really not believe me?" nothing felt worse than being betrayed by the one you trust the most, "All I ever wanted was for you to love me," since the beginning you were there. Even when he was mourning Grace you were there to keep him comfort. How foolish of you.

"Now you never told me--"

"I know who you pretend I am, who you want me to be," you roll your eyes, sniffling for a moment, "I'm not like you Tom, I can't pass, I can't change the color of my skin or features-- I will never be the white woman you've always wanted me to be, the kind of woman you'd keep on your arm without feeling embarrassed, why can't you just accept that?" a faint pause, "You told me...you told me she wasn't your type," barely a whisper, "Was everything a lie?" when he doesn't say anything, it was the only answer you needed. At that moment you snapped, "Please! Look at me!" you smack his arm, "Tommy!" when he does you're given only a cold stare.

Of course, it was never going to be someone like you. There are tears brimming your eyes again. It hurts, knowing that you will always be second best. Always an option but never the first, "At first I was confused, your infatuation with Grace didn't make sense, and now I see that it never mattered who she was," your breath hitches for a moment, "You were always going to choose someone like her..." now rambling about the obvious, "Prettier, blonder...whiter," you taunt.

Each word felt like venom on your tongue. You should've been used to the poison by now, "You don't know how long it took for me to trust a man again, after the pain I've been through--women like me, Tom, we don't have pretty blue eyes that get us what we want, not without a price," that remark made your skin crawl, "Always the seductress, never seen as pure," a dark chuckle erupts, taking up all sound from the bar. Tommy only stares back at you, with that same cold expression. You lean against the counter, looking down at the wood before returning to glance at him, "Did you ever love me?"

If there's one thing about Tommy, is that he would never lie to you, "No," a short, simple answer. You give him a soft, faint smile. Saddened by the loss but also relieved that you were free at last, "Thank you," with that you left, never returning to the Garrison again.

This isn't "goodbye", this is simply "see you later" - Series Part 1 : Goodbye my lover

Summary: It was suppose to be a normal Thursday. But this Thursday brings you the worst news you can imagine. Your boyfriend John has volunteered for the army and is going to war. The love of your life will leave you and you can't bear to let him go.

Pairing: John Shelby x Y/N 

Words: 4240

Warnings: Angst, mention of death, swearing, Mention of sex (not explicitly described) 

A/N: Timeskipes are marked with ---

English is not my first language. All mistakes are my own. 

Part 1/3

You can also read this on

AO3 

                            Part 1 : Goodbye my lover

The rain pounds on the ground and leaves Watery Lane as one large mud puddle, the dirt splatters over your boots and stains your dress up to your knees. But you don't care, you're completely soaked anyway. Of course you forgot your umbrella at home. You quickly run down the streets to Polly's house and open the back door. As you step into the kitchen, you are immediately enveloped in a pleasant warmth, which comes from the fire in the fireplace. You put the basket full of purchases on the table and try not to dirty the whole kitchen floor. ,,Hello? Someone there? "You call into the quiet house." Aunt Polly? " "I'm here dear." Polly comes from the betting shop, which is full despite the rain. "Did you get everything?" You sigh “Of course not. There are no more potatoes, only beets. " "There will be better times again." Polly goes to the cabinet and takes out the old coffee can in which she hides her money and takes out a pound note to give it to you for your purchases. "It's okay." You say and start to put away the food. "Y / N" starts Polly, but you don't let her finish. "I don't want your money." "And I don't want your handouts." Polly sounds a little annoyed. "It's my father's money as well." Your father would probably kill you if he knew that you don't spend his money on new clothes as you claim, but to buy food for the Shelbys. You know that Polly is too proud is to ask for money, but you also know that times are bad and that the war is making it difficult to support five children. "Besides, you're feeding me anyway." You add, and Polly finally clears the money away with a sigh. "Thank you Y / N." "Not for that, you're family." The Shelbys aren't really your family, at least not yet. “I change quickly and then I cook. Are everyone at home? "  "No, only Ada, Finn and I are there. Unfortunately I don’t know, where the noble gentlemen hang around.  “All right. So cold food for the Shelby brothers. " Polly laughs lightly as you slip off your dirty shoes and then run up the stairs to put some dry clothes on. "Y / N!" Ada comes towards you halfway up the stairs and immediately grabs your hand. "You're freezing."

“It's cold outside." "Not that you get sick." She paddles and then pulls you into her room. You quickly slip out of your wet dress and put on one of Ada's dresses. Your best friend is sitting on her bed and has that special look on it, which she always has when she messes up. "What happened?" You ask as you slip into dry socks. “Freddy was here. He knew Tommy was away. " “And?” You ask, you can't suppress your grin. Ada has always been in love with Freddy. "He kissed me," she whispers and then begins to giggle. "Oh Ada." You call happily and take her in your arms. "He said he really liked me." “And what did you say?" "That I like him too." “And now?" ,,I don’t know. Tommy will be angry. " "Don't worry about Tommy for once and enjoy your first great love Ada. You will miss the feeling once you are my age." You say and brush one of the brown strands of hair from her face. You are mostly annoyed by Tommy's alpha male behavior anyway. “You´re not even two years older than me.” “But almost.” you say and wink at her. “Ada, Y / N. I'm hungry. "Finn suddenly shouts through the house. You and Ada roll your eyes. "Who raised this child?" "Nobody." Ada laughs and jumps up from her bed. She leaves the room, grabs Finn, who is standing in the hallway, and takes him in her arms. "Will you help us cook?" "Arthur says that's women stuff." "Arthur has no idea about women's stuff, you shouldn't listen to him." You say and ruffles his hair. "Okay, then I'll help you." It's so easy to convince children of something. If only it were the same with adults. Then you don't have to lie to your parents and tell them you're in nursing school when you actually go to the Shelby's every Thursday. Ada lets her little brother get on his feet again and he runs into the kitchen. Finn isn't really a help in the kitchen, but he enjoys helping Ada and you and so you pretend you have important tasks for the little one. You are about to peel the beets when the kitchen door opens and Tommy, Arthur and John come in cursing. "Shit weather. Fucking rain, that's unbearable" Says Arthur and hangs his wet coat on the rack. “Don´t curse before Finn.” you said and hit him with a kitchen rag. "Is the meal fucking ready yet?" Asks Tommy with a curious look at the pots you are cooking in front of you. "Not yet." Ada replies, and hits her brother on the back of the head with the wooden spoon. "And it doesn't go any faster if you're in the way." "Wow Ada, you are in a fucking good mood today." Laughs John, then his gaze meets you and his smile becomes even wider. "Hello princess." He comes up to you and wraps his arms around you to kiss you on the cheek. "Hello Love." You say and nestle into his arms. John Shelby is the love of your life, and you couldn't be more grateful that you found him at the age of only 14. Despite all the difficulties your families have made you, the last years have been the best of your life. "God, I'm getting sick with all this cuddling and kissing." Arthur says. "Please do that in John's room." “Please do not! The walls are extremely thin and I have the room next door." says Tommy. John gives his brothers an angry look. Even though you spend at least one night at the Shelby house every week, there hasn't been anything Tommy could have heard. “Boys. Be quiet. Y / N comes from a decent family, you still know what is proper. And how often should I tell you that no one curses in front of Finn?” Polly calls out when entering the kitchen. "Now put on dry clothes, otherwise you will get sick. Then you wash your hands and help Finn with the table-setting. And don't you think you don´t have to tell where you've been all morning. " You and Ada start laughing when the three brothers make faces to match the weather outside. It doesn't take long, and the food is on the table. Of course, Tommy, Arthur and John skilfully avoided setting the table by simply spending the rest of the time in their rooms changing. Polly's little kitchen is filled with the smell of food, warmth, and the feeling of family. During the meal, John's hand lies on your knee the whole time, you can't deny the butterflies that are dancing in your stomach. Polly waits for everyone to finish. "Finn please go upstairs." The little boy looks at his aunt annoyed, but then does what she says. John tenses next to you, Arthur avoids all looks, only Tommy remains calm on the outside, the only sign of his tension is that he is pulling harder than usual on his cigarette. All three of them know that they can't evade Polly anymore, and by the way they act you know that they screwed up a lot. You and Ada exchange a curious look. "Where have you been?" Asks Polly, her tone revealing that she will neither accept discussions nor lies. The three Shelbys stay silent, they are silent until Tommy has put his cigarette out in the ashtray. "We enlisted ourselves." It will take you a second to understand the meaning of his words, then it hits you like a slap in the face. You turn to John. "You did fucking what?" "I'm going to France." He replies without looking at you. "No." you shake your head. "No way!" you jump up, his hand slipping off your knee and leaving a cold chill on your skin. ,,Absolutely no way" "I don't think that's your decision Y / N." Tommy interferes. "Shut up." You hiss at him. John slowly gets up from his seat, his gaze searches for yours and he raises his hands reassuringly. "Y / N please listen to me." ”No! I don't want to listen to you, and you won't go to war either. " "None of you will go to war," says Ada, there are tears in her eyes and she is clutching Arthur's hand as if she could hold on to him. "We have to go there sooner or later anyway." Tommy tries again in a calm voice. "Better later, then." Says Ada. “Ada, Y / N. Calm down. "Says Polly, but her voice also trembles with suppressed anger. “Calm down? The fuck no! This is crazy, this war is crazy, and you will die over there." Now the tears are running down your cheeks. You shake your head, give John another disappointed look and then run out of the kitchen. As you run, you slip into yours Boots and run out into the street, of course it's still raining. "Y / N!" You hear John calling but you just keep running. Actually, you wanted to slam the door behind you, but John was faster, catches it and follows you. He caught up with you in a few steps. "Wait." He takes your hand and pulls you towards him. You try to pull yourself away, but he's stronger than you. Not once did John say that he wanted to go to war. He didn't even mention this goddamn war. “Let me." “No. Please listen to me." “No, I don't want to listen to you. Why should I? You're doing what you want anyway! You go to war, leave me here, and then you die. Don't even think for a second that I'll sit here and wait for you while you do the stupidest thing you've ever done." John looks like you punched him in the face or kicked him in the balls. Or both at the same time. "You won't wait for me?" His voice trembles. John's voice never trembles. You look into his blue eyes and see only pain, pain and tears. You have never seen John cry and this second it breaks your heart. You don't want to be the reason he's crying, ever. You feel as if there is no more air in your lungs and your words burn like poison on your tongue. More and more tears run down your cheeks as you shake your head and nestle against his chest. "Of course I'm waiting for you." You sob. "Please don't leave me." John hugs you like he's never going to let go of you. “I won’t leave you. Never." You completely forget the rain and the cold. The only thing that matters right now is John. You take a deep breath of his scent, trying to memorize how his arms feel around your body. “Then don't go to war. Don't go to France. " “I must. If we don't go willingly, they will soon force us. You know that. At least now it´s our decision. Please understand that." You hate yourself for it, but of course you can understand him. "When?" You ask, tears are still running down your cheeks, John looks at you and carefully wipes them away. “In a week." he whispers and blows a kiss on your lips. Your heart contracts and you dig into his shirt. In a week, you only have one week with the love of your life.

---

“You're too late." “I'm sorry. I had to do something. " "For Tommy?" You roll your eyes. "You go to war tomorrow and still he uses you as his errand boy." “I'm not Tommy's fucking errand boy. I just had something to do. Please don't argue with me. Not on our last day. " You sigh, tears come to your eyes again, the idea of ​​being separated from him tomorrow will tear your heart apart. "Hey, princess, don´t cry. I'll be back before you can really miss me. "He strokes your cheek and presses you a light kiss on the lips. ,,Come on now! I have a surprise." “A surprise? You?" "Yes, I've thought we´re doing something romantic today." You can't help but laugh. "You?" John gives you an angry look and lets go of your hand, he turns his head to the side, but you can see his cheeks turning red. "Then not and stop fucking laughing. " Immediately you stop and grab his hand to pull him towards you. He allows it, but his posture is still tense. “I'm sorry. But Jonny Boy, your idea of ​​romance is drinking a bottle of Whisky on Aunt Polly's roof. " "Star gazing is romantic." "So do we look at the stars?" You ask and press him a kiss on the cheek, finally he smiles again. “No, not today. Come on now, wifey. " Your heart skips, sometimes he calls you that and every time you can't help but smile at the thought of being Mrs. Shelby one day. John takes your hand and starts walking. He pulls you to a car and opens the passenger door for you. "Where did you get that car from?" You ask in surprise as you climb into the car. You have never driven in a car and somehow you are also sure that John has never driven too. "Borrowed from a friend." “You don´t have any friends. Did you steal it? " "Would that turn you on?" He grins cockily at you. "A little bit maybe." "Be quiet or I'll take you here and now in this fucking car." You feel the blood rush to your cheeks and you lower your eyes. John starts laughing and starts the car, to his surprise he really seems to know how to drive. You drive for a while, away from the dusty roads and smoky air of Small Heath until the area becomes rural and through a small forest. You breathe in the fresh air deeply, the sun shines through the leaves and warms your face. John parks the car in a small clearing and climbs out of the car. You want to open your door, but John hits the hood once. You flinch and look at him in shock. "Stay seated." He says, comes around the car and opens the door for you. You roll your eyes, but then take his hand and let him help you out of the car. "Since when are you such a gentleman? If the other Peaky Blindes would know. " "Just for you." He says and kisses you, you wrap your arms around his neck and pull him closer to you. John breaks away from you and smiles at you, then he takes your hand and pulls you across the clearing to a large picnic blanket and a mountain of pillows, with a picnic basket next to it. You stop and notice how tears well up in your eyes. "Did you prepare that?" “Yes. I wanted to do something special. " "John .." you start and notice how a tear is running down your cheek, John sighs and carefully wipes it away with his thumb. "No more tears today, princess." "I'll try." ,,Let's eat. I'm hungry and Polly has made sandwiches. " You sit down on the soft blanket and John gets the sandwiches, a bottle of wine, a bottle of rum and a pack of cigarettes from the picnic basket. "You want to drink all of that?" You ask, slightly amused, as you take the bottles. "Maybe I need it." He whispers, so softly that you are sure you shouldn't have heard it. So you don't say anything and just smile. You enjoy the sandwiches and drink a little of the wine. After dinner you snuggle up to John and let the sunshine on your face. He puts his arm around you and pulls you to his chest, carefully drawing small circles on your upper arm. You take a deep breath of its familiar smell and wish that time would stand still. You wish that tomorrow never comes and that you two could lie here on this blanket forever. You wish there wouldn't be a war, there wouldn't be strict parents, and somehow also that there would be no Peaky Blinders. You just wish there wasn't anything that John could take away from you. "Y / N?" His voice breaks the silence. You lift your head and look into his beautiful face. John sits up a little and takes a deep breath. "I love you." “And I love you." “I know. And I know you don't want me to go to war. " "I understand that you have to go." John smiles slightly and strokes his light hair. “Yes, you understand. You understand me, always, and I couldn't be happier to have you. I know the next few weeks will be difficult. For you, for me and for our relationship. I'll be far away and I don't know how often I can write to you. "John takes another deep breath." And there's a small chance I won't come home. " Suddenly you get a bad feeling in your stomach. Is he breaking up with you right now? ,,I will wait for you. I'll wait for you my whole life if I have to. "Your hand shakes as you reach for his. “Can you please let me finish? Only once! "He says with a slight laugh. "Sorry." You say and look at your hands. John puts a finger under your chin and forces you to look at him. "I don't want you sitting around at home all the time, feeling sad and waiting for me to come home." He actually wants to break up with you. "I want you to be happy." "No!" You interrupt him. "No, you won't do that. It won't happen, ever." John looks at you in shock, his eyes suddenly full of sadness. "You're not breaking up with me now." You claw his hand as if you could stop him, as if he weren't stronger than you, as if he couldn't just tear himself away from you. "You think I want to break up with you?" Suddenly a smile plays around his lips and his eyes are full of joy again. That confuses you even more. “Yes, but that won't happen! You can't break up with me, I won't accept that. You said you love me, and I love you! We're not breaking up. You go to this fucking war and then you come home to me. And I'll wait here, write you letters and miss you until you get home. I'll wait until you come home. "Your voice almost cracks as you keep talking. “God Princess. I don't want to break up with you, I'm trying to ask you here if you want to marry me! " You look at him in shock for a brief moment. “Oh."

"Oh?" Asks John, a little uncertain. “Yes. Yes of course I want to marry you. You idiot! I thought you'd break up with me! That was a shitty marriage proposal! When you propose, the other person doesn't think you want to break up. " "If you don't let me finish again then I won't propose to you." John laughs and presses his lips to yours. "Are you quiet now so I can ask you the right way?" "But I already said yes." “Wifey! Shut up and for God's sake let me finish. "He says in a mock angry voice. You bend up again and kiss him. "Okay." You whisper to his lips. Then you sit up a little longer and look at him waiting, but you cannot banish the smile from your lips. John reaches into his pocket and pulls out an engagement ring. “Y / N. Would you do me the honor and become my wife? " You look at him in silence for a brief moment, exactly until his gaze becomes uncertain again. “Yes." John is breathing heavily. "You're going to bring me to the grave." You laugh and pull him back to you to kiss him. "I love you and don't say anything like that." "I love you too, princess." John takes your hand in his and carefully puts the ring on your finger, it fits perfectly. Tears well up in your eyes, but this time it's joy tears. You will become his wife. John kisses you again. "You promised not to cry anymore today," he whispers to your lips. "I said I would try." You answer and wrap your arms around his neck, you never want to let go of him again. The kiss becomes more intense, you bury your hand in his hair and pull him even closer to you. "I love you." You whisper between two kisses. "Not as much as I love you." He replies, his lips wandering over your cheeks to your neck. You let yourself sink back on the soft pillows below you, and John follows you. His warm body over yours, he leans on his upper arm so you don't feel his weight. John's lips find yours again and his hand moves over your body to your hip. You press yourself against him, your hands move to his neck and when John bites your lower lip lightly, you scratch your fingernails lightly over his skin. John moans softly.  You wrap your legs around the middle of his body, his hand wanders from your hip to your thigh, while he pushes your dress up slightly so that his warm hand runs over the skin of your leg. Your hands wander from the back of his neck over his muscular shoulders. John's lips wander back to your neck, first he spreads feather-light kisses on your skin, when he suddenly bites you moan softly. A pleasant warmth flows through you and you want to feel John even closer to you, you want to feel his skin on your, his hands on your body. John's hand moves slowly up your thigh. You have been at this point over and over again over the past few years, usually your body is tense now and you flinch away from its touch. You know he's waiting for it, he's waiting to pull back and hug you and whisper in your ear that it's okay and that he loves you and that he can wait until you're ready. But today you don't want to flinch. You are so flooded with happiness and love that it feels right, you feel ready. So you don´t flinch when his hand reaches the center of your body. “Is it okay if I touch you here?” His voice sounds darker than usual and leaves you with a pleasant shiver. You nod. “Words Princess.” “Yes, it´s okay. John I want you.” He comes off your lips to look you in the eyes..

“Are you sure? We don't have to do that. We can wait till I get back, we can wait until our wedding night. Or longer. I don´t care." “But I do care, I am sure, please John, I don´t want to wait any longer. Please. Make me your wife.”   He groans softly at your words, then he kisses you again full of love, passion and affection. John is careful, he takes his time to explore your body. You exchange whispered vows of love and promises about the future, about a future together. He doesn´t just take your virginity, he makes love to you. And when you lie sweaty and out of breath next to each other, you have the feeling as if your heart is jumping out of your chest for sheer happiness. John pulls you into his arms. “I love you, my wife.”

---

The platform is full, people crowd everywhere to say goodbye to the soldiers. You stand between the people, nestled close to John. “I'll come back to you. I promise you. " he whispers. “I'll wait." You kiss again, his lips taste salty from all the tears that run down your cheeks. Then you break away from each other. You look at him and try to memorize every little detail about him. You want the sight of him to burn in your brain and in your heart. John hugging his aunt and sister, and you are saying goodbye to Arthur and Tommy. Arthur kneels in front of Finn on the dusty platform and takes him in his arms. “You are the man in the house now. Take good care of our women and our business. Got it?" "Got it." Finn tries to sound brave, but he's crying too. Even if he doesn't really understand why his brothers have to go. The brothers get on the train, which leaves a few minutes later. Ada clings to your arm and cries, Polly pulls you both into a tight hug. “The three of them will be back soon. Don't worry, they'll all be back soon. "It sounds more like a prayer, and god you want to believe her.

----

Part 2 

This isn’t “goodbye”, this is simply “see you later” - Series Part 2 : Without you

Summary: John is far away in France to fight in a terrible war. And you stayed behind, you wait for him. But everything has consequences and when you find out about your pregnancy, the construct of lies that once was your life falls apart and you are alone, without your fiancé.

Pairing: John Shelby x Y/N Words: 8796 Warnings: angst, unplanned pregnancy, family problems, talking about abortion (please let me know if i forgot something)

A/N: Timeskipes are marked with — English is not my first language. All mistakes are my own. Part 2/3    -> Part 1

GIF not mine 

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                                           Part 2: Without you 

It hasn't rained in 3 days and the air is a little too warm for this time of year, but you don't mind. You enjoy the sun while you can, autumn would come soon enough. You are walking down the streets next to a school friend, Emily. She said goodbye to her brother yesterday and is obviously worried about him, so you figured you'd distract her a little. "Who do we pick up again?" asks Emily. "An old friend of mine, Ada." you answer her. Polly asked you to look after Ada, she have gone into her room and won't come out. Ada's aunt worries that she will get sick and at least you go to nursing school. But you know she doesn't get sick, you know why she doesn't come out of her room. Freddy also went to France 1 week ago. Ada is like you, her lover went to war and left her behind. So Ada needs a little distraction too. You all need distraction, and a good tea and an afternoon with friends would be good for you all. You've cried a lot since John went to war, and every night you lie awake for hours hoping he's okay. The last 6 weeks without John have been difficult for you, but he would surely be back soon. A light wind blows through your hair and your dress blows around your legs. It's your favourite dress, maybe because it hugs your body so softly, or because John gave it to you as a gift. Probably both. "Hey sweety." you hear a loud whistle, but you don't turn to the voice, it's probably just another drunk worker, of whom there are more than enough here. Emily looks over her shoulder and tenses a little, but you keep walking down the street towards your destination. "Come on ladies, don't you fancy a little fun?" You roll your eyes and quicken your pace a little, Emily grabs your hand uncertainly. She is not often in this area and is more used to socializing with other people. Suddenly someone grabs your arm and holds you tight. Angry you turn around and Emily next to you looks at the small group of men in shock and fear. "Let me go." you say and try to tear yourself away. The self-assured look of men suddenly becomes insecure. "Let go of her, that's John's girl." says one of the men. "He said he would kill anyone who touches her." The stranger lets you go. "Excuse me, Miss Shelby." “It's all right,” you say, grabbing Emily's arm and pulling her down the street. "You are John Shelby's wife?" asks Emily in shock. "His fiancée, it's a secret." Meeting this men confused you. You know John and his brothers do a few things that are not legal. But you didn't know that the Peaky Blinders are causing so much horror in Birmingham that these men would listen to his threats. What does John do when he's not with you? "You really lead a double life." says Emily, her eyes glowing with excitement. "I don't. But please don't tell anyone." "Of course not." You arrive at Pollys house, and you open the door to the betting shop, there isn't much going on inside. Polly is sitting at Tommy's desk, concentrating on a few papers. "Hello Aunt Polly." "Y / N, nice to see you." her gaze goes to Emily. "A friend of mine. We wanted to pick up Ada." Polly nods, she looks a little tired and suddenly you have a bad conscience, you haven't been here the last few days. You have a hard time being in John's home when he's not there. Everything reminds you of him and then you miss him even more. "Do you need help?" you ask "No, it's okay. Could you just take a quick look at Finn's writing practice?" "Of course." you go through the shop to the back where Polly's house is. Finn sits at the kitchen table and writes a few simple words in a messy script. "Hello little one, how is it going?" "Good. I can already write my name." he tells you proudly. Then he sees Emily. "Who is this?" he immediately asks sceptically. "A friend of mine." "That's fine then." he tries to sound older than he is, which makes you smile. You correct a few small mistakes and then send him out to play. "You will be back before the sun goes down." "Yes Sister." he calls out and then disappears out the back door. Emily looks around the small kitchen a little. "You really lead a double life." she says again. "The Shelbys are my family." "Does your real family know that?" she asks, but a slight smile plays around her lips. "No, and that's better that way. Come on." you go up the stairs and knock on Ada's door. No answer. "Ada? Ada open the door, I know you're there." you say and knock again. It takes a moment and Ada opens the door. "What do you want?" "I told you I'd come over today. Come on, get ready. We'll spend the afternoon together." Ada rolls her eyes. "But I don´t want to." "I don't care, you have 5 minutes or I'll drag you out of here in your nightgown." you try to put on Polly's stern look, but you're pretty sure you won't quite make it. Nevertheless, Ada sets herself in motion and gets ready. 20 minutes later the 3 of you are outside and let the last warm rays of sun shine on your face. And you were right, the day was really good for all of you. In the evening you accompany Emily and then Ada home. As you step into Polly's house, the smell of food envelops you. "You have perfect timing." Polly greets you. "The food is almost ready." The back door opens and Finn comes in, he's full of dirt and dust, but his eyes are bright and his cheeks are flushed from running. "Letters have come. From France. Y / N here, your name is on it." You will instantly recognize John's handwriting and your heart will skip a beat. Finn hands you the letter and when you are excited to hear from John again you pack him the bag of your dress. "You don't want to read it?" asks Polly, she's also holding a letter in her hand, with Arthur's handwriting on the envelope. "Yes, of course, but calmly. I read it at home." Polly nods, then opens Arthur's letter, her eyes darting quickly over the lines. "They are fine." she then says and then passes it on to Ada, who also quickly skims the lines. You read over her shoulder, but Arthur's handwriting is so messy that you can barely read his words. It doesn´t take long and you  all sitt at the dinner table. Finn tells a little about his adventures down by the river today. His childlike light-heartedness does not fit into the mood of the depressed and warlike mood that prevails in England, but it gives you the feeling of home and cheers you up. After dinner you help Polly clean up while Ada forces Finn to take a bath. Then you say goodbye and make your way home. "Y / N there you are finally. You missed the meal." your mother greets you. "I'm sorry, I went shopping with Emily, we forgot the time." Your mother shakes her head, but she's not really mad. "I'll ask the maid to reheat the food." "I'm not hungry. But I am very tired." Your mother had to give you a critical look. ,,Okay. Good night my child." "Good night mother. I love you." "I love you." your mother gives you a kiss on the forehead and you run up the stairs to your room. You quickly lock the door behind you and take John's letter out of your pocket.   My beloved princess, I hope you are alright and you don't miss me too much. Just a little bit, so you don't forget me. I am sorry that I will only get in touch with you now. The trip to France took longer than we all thought. I don't want to bore you with details about the war. But France is really beautiful, the landscape, the cities, the weather is also a little better than at home. It doesn't rain that much, but it's very cold. I think you would like France, maybe one day we will travel here when the war is over. I think about you all the time, about you and about our future. Tommy is joking about me, but I don't care. I wake up every morning and look forward to coming home to you. I miss you so much. How is it in England? Are Finn, Ada and Polly all right? Arthur is always in a bad mood, I think he misses the English alcohol, and France is probably too cold for him. But otherwise, he's fine, we're all fine. I'm supposed to give you best regards from Tommy and Arthur. I love you so much. And I'll see you soon, I promise I'll be back before Christmas. John   You lower the letter and take a deep breath. Even if it's total nonsense, you imagine that the letter smells a little like John. Your heart contracts painfully and you feel like you're going to throw up if he's apart from you for just a second longer. It's been the same for six weeks, you can distract yourself easily during the day, but as soon as you're alone in your room you miss him so much that it hurts. You sit down at your little desk and start writing an answer to his letter. ---   The sun shines through your curtains and blinds you a little. You blink a few times and then turn away from the sun. Your eyes still sting a little from all the tears you cried that night. Not every night is that bad, but most are. John has been in France for 3 months now, but you still miss him as much as you did on the first day. You climb out of your warm bed and get ready for the day. "Y / N, are you coming for breakfast?" your mother's voice shines through the house. You look again in the small mirror in your room, with a little make-up you don't look that tired, but you can't get rid of your tearful eyes. You quickly run down the stairs and meet your parents in the dining room. The maid has already set the table and prepared breakfast. Like every morning, your father has disappeared behind his newspaper and your mother is trying to have a casual conversation. But you're too tired and too sad to play the happy girl you were a few weeks ago. Before John left. "Are you coming to my office today after school? The books need to be checked." asks your father after reading the newspaper. "Yes of course." not even your favorite task is giving you anticipation. You go to nursing school because your mother wanted it, but only on the condition that you can still help in your father's office. You love numbers and math. "Actually, I had thought that Y / N would not go to school today and would spend the day with me instead." your mother interferes. "We hardly have mother daughter time because she has so much to do with school, then the study group and the practical hours in the hospital." There is neither a study group, nor practical hours in the hospital, they were all excuses to be able to spend more time with the Shelbys. "All right, but then tomorrow." says your father and you nod. After you've finished the family breakfast, your father goes to work. Your mother puts a cup of tea in front of you and looks at you carefully. You are uncomfortable with her look. "Who is the father?" "What?" you ask in surprise. "Who is the father Y / N?" your mother's voice sounds very calm and she smiles at you understandingly. "What are you talking about?" you ask, you have no idea what she means. "You are tired all the time, but you sleep a lot, you look a little bloated and your pain pills in the bathroom are still full. So you didn't get your monthly bleeding. Who is the father?" You feel your heart start beating faster in your chest, you didn't even notice. You were so busy with school, taking care of Finn and missing John that you didn't even notice. Are you pregnant? That can't really be. You notice how tears well up in your eyes as you sink onto the soft sofa in the living room. Your mother is by your side and hugs you. "That can't be. It was only once." "That's enough dear." says your mother and then sighs. "So the father, who is it and will he marry you?" Your hand goes to the engagement ring hanging on a chain around your neck. ,,Yes. He promised. As soon as he comes back from France. " Your mother sighs again. "That can take a while." "No, he said he'd be back soon, before Christmas." You can see in your mother's eyes that she doesn't believe it. Still she smiles. "Will you tell me his name?" You swallow once and look down at your hands. Even if she's not mad just yet, she will be as soon as she knows that John is the father. How many times has she told you stay away from the Shelbys? They are not good company, they will ruin you, they will drag you into their criminal activities. Your mother had told you all this so many times. "John Shelby." you whisper and now the tears are running down your cheeks. Your mother gets up in one quick motion. "That gypsy!" she pronounces it like a swear word. "Mom please. I'm so sorry, I didn't want this to happen." "Did he force you?" "What no! Of course not, he loves me and I love him. And we will get married as soon as he is back in England. He promised that." "Men promise a lot if they want under your skirt. I thought I taught you that." ,,Mom please. He loves me.” Your mother sighs. "Did he tell you that?” "Yes! And that he will marry me. And that we are a family." you answer and cross your arms stubbornly over your chest. "Men lie! Believe me, they all lie." "Not John. Mama believe me, he loves me. And we're engaged." "Another lie, he won't marry you. Please believe me, men like him get bored of women easily." "You don't even know him. He's a good man and he won't be bored with me, we've been together for years." "What?" asks your mother in surprise. "We've been together for years, secretly. Because you and Dad would never have accepted him. Although you don't even know him, he's a gypsy who cares? But he's also friendly, loving and good. And his family treat me like I'm one of them already. The Shelbys are good people, please believe me. " Your mother takes a few deep breaths and is silent for a long time. "He's living with his aunt right?" You nod. "I want to speak to her." your mother gets up and rings the bell for the maid. "Please get our coats, we're going out." "You want to meet Polly? Right now?" you ask in surprise, you would have expected your mother to scream and be angry, but definitely not that. "Yes." The maid brings your coats and you make your way to Watery Lane. Your mother's gaze is sceptical of the run-down houses, the children walking barefoot across the street and the drunk workers. "Nice environment." she snippets off. "Can you please not be so biased?" "I'll try." You keep walking down the street, a few of the men glare at you and your mother grabs her expensive coat tighter. But you don't worry, in the last few months you've realized just how big the influence of the Peaky Blinders is in Birmingham. Everyone respects John and his brothers, and their word applies even when they are far away in France. "You don't have to be afraid." "Here you will be robbed if you look the wrong way." "Yeah, maybe, but we don't." "And why are you so sure about that?" "Trust me." You arrive at Polly's house and you open the door. Immediately you feel at home. "Y / N!" Finn yells and comes running towards you. He jumps into your arms and hugs you tightly. "Finn, not so stormy." you say, but you also hug him. In the past few weeks you've always been too tired to really play with him, and of course the little boy noticed that. Since Finn doesn't know how to deal with the new situation and no one has taught him how to express his feelings properly, he reacts either angry or clingy. You're glad he's clinging to you today. "Mum, may I introduce you. Finn Shelby, John's brother. Finn, this is my mother." you introduce the two of them, your mother holds out a hand to Finn, but he only tilts his head. "You have to shake her hand." you say softly and nudge Finn. He nods and grabs your mother's hand with his dirty little hand to give her a quick shake. "Is Aunt Polly here?" "In the shop." "Will you get her please? And then go upstairs." "But.." "Do not discuss with me." you say in a stern tone. You don't want to be mean or dismissive to him. But you're too tense to care for his feelings at this moment. You have no idea why your mother would want to talk to Polly and to be honest you're terrified. Finn rolls his eyes, but then turns to get Polly. Polly enters the small kitchen. "Y/N, what happened? Lot to do today." she stops when she sees your mother standing next to you. Polly closes the door to the betting shop behind her and forces a smile on her face. "Mrs. Y/L/N. How can I help you?" "Your nephew got my daughter pregnant." your mother says with suppressed anger in her voice. Polly doesn't react at all surprised, she just nods slightly. "I know." "Since when?" you ask shocked. "About a week. I read your tea leaves. It will be a healthy girl." At her words, a strange feeling of happiness and calm washes over you, even if it doesn't completely replace the panic. "Gypsy nonsense" spits out your mother. "It's not that. Did you just come to insult my family or is there anything else I can help you with?" Polly now asks your mother and you admire her self-confidence once again. Your mother is used to always being treated with kindness and respect, and because of her family and her good marriage, she is used to getting what she wants. "I'll take Y/N to a doctor in London tomorrow, after that the problem will be solved and I don't want any more contact between my daughter and your nephew." "The two are engaged, I can hardly forbid John the contact with his future wife." "Oh please! We both know that this marriage will never happen. We both know that John will never marry my daughter, he never intended to, all he wanted was someone to warm his bed. " You want to yell your mother that John will keep his word and that he loves you. But Polly is faster. "Get out of my house! I will not have you slander the honesty and honor of my nephew and my entire family with your lies. John is a good man, he will keep his word and he loves Y/N . If you accept that, you're welcome back here, not until then." "Gypsy pack." says your mother. "Y/N, come on, let's go home, there's a lot to do until tomorrow." "No!" you say and take a few steps away from your mother. "I won't come with you, and I won't go to London tomorrow either." You put your hand protectively on your flat stomach, even if you can't imagine that a small person is really growing in it. "You have no choice Y/N! What do you think happens? Do you think you can stay here? And wait for John to come back and then you get married and live happily ever after?" your mother's tone is taunting, but you don't care. "Yes! That's exactly how it will be." you know yourself that you sound naive. But you know that John loves you and that you will be a family. Your mother shakes her head. "Fine, make that decision! But don´t come back when you're out on the street in a few weeks." she throws another disparaging look in the direction of Polly and then disappears from the small kitchen. As the door closes behind her, tears begin to fall from your eyes, even though you can't really believe what just happened, even if you can't believe your mother just really let you down. Polly is quickly at your side and hugs you. "Take it easy dear, everything will be fine. Don't get upset, it's not good for your child." "I don't know what to do now." you bring out tears. Polly strokes your hair soothingly. "First you stop crying, then I want you to get some rest and then we'll see, alright?" you nod "Well, then go up to John's room and get some sleep, I'll tell some of the Blinders to get your things from your parents' house." "No! My mother will freak out if the Peaky Blinders show up at her door. She'll call the police." Polly sighs. "Maybe you're right. There are only the younger ones here and I really don't have time for problems with the police right now." she thinks aloud. "I still have a few things here." you say weak "That will be enough until everyone has calmed down and until John is back." your voice sounds hopeful, as soon as John comes back in a few weeks everything will be fine. Polly nods. "All right, we'll take care of that later. Rest now." You nod and leave the kitchen to go up the stairs to John's room, when you've just reached the stairs Polly calls after you. "And of course you won't end up on the streets, no matter what happens here you will always have a home." Polly's words bring tears to your eyes. "Thank you Aunt Polly."   You sleep most of the afternoon and only wake up when Ada knocks on the door and sticks her head in the room. "Can I come in?" "Yes." you sit up a bit in bed, Ada slips out of her shoes and sits next to you on the mattress. "Polly told me everything. How are you?" "I don't know. I'm scared and I'm sad about my mother's behaviour, but at the same time I've never been happier in my life. I'm having a baby! A real little human. I want to believe that everything will be fine. " "It will be for sure! John will be home soon and so will Tommy and Arthur and then everything will be like before." says Ada. "Freddie will come home then." you say and lightly nudge Ada in the side, she sighs. "I haven't gotten a single letter yet. And he said not to write to him, he doesn't want Tommy to find out." Now you have to sigh too and take Ada in your arms. "It'll be all right. You said he said he loves you." "But men lie." "You sound like my mother." Ada grimaces. "Don't say something that horrible." she then says with a slight laugh. "Polly says your mother was pretty mean." her tone becomes serious again and this time you sigh. "She practically threw me out of the family." you reply, you want it not to matter to you, but it doesn't. It hit you hard. Ada rubs your back. "She's coming to her senses." she then says. "And besides, now you really are my sister." she tries to cheer you up. "What did I do to deserve this?" "Hey." Ada nudges you lightly in the ribs, not as hard as she used to, but gently. Like you're fragile, even if you're not. But now a little human is growing inside you, and that little human is fragile and weak. You must protect him, whatever the cost. "Everything is going to be alright." you say, more to you and your child than to Ada, but she nods anyway. "Would you like to help me in the kitchen, or do you want to rest?" ask her after you've been silent for a while. "I'm rested, I'm happy to help you."   In the early evening Finn comes home completely dirty, you send him to bathe first and then start to heat up the food with Ada's help. Polly closes the betting shop for the day and then joins Ada and you. "How are you Y/N?" she asks first. "I'm better, I slept a little." Polly nods and smiles at you, then she goes to help Finn and a short time later they are all eating together. But domestic peace does not last long. Your father comes barging into Polly's house. "Y/N!" he yells. "How could you be so irresponsible? Your mother told me everything. You don't really think I'll let you get away with this stupid idea, do you? A gypsy in our family? Never! You're coming home with me right now and tomorrow morning I'll drive you personally to London to see Dr. Conner." Your father is walking towards you, your whole body is rigid with fear, you have never seen your father so angry. Finn jumps up from his chair and stands in your father's way. "No! Y/N stays here with us, she's family." You don't know who told Finn everything, or maybe he's just getting more than you think. "Get out of my way kid, who do you think you are?" "I'm the man of the house! And I take care of the women and the business." he says, he can't help the trembling in his voice, but you're so proud of him that it doesn't matter. Your father looks at Finn confused and angry, the vein in his throat throbbing violently under his skin. "You heard the boy." Polly says, unbeknownst to you and Ada, she has drawn her gun and is now tapping it on the kitchen table. "Get out of my house. Like your wife, you are not welcome back here until you can talk to us in a reasonable and civilized manner about the future. Until then, have a good day, Mr. Y/L/N." To your surprise, your father leaves the house without saying another word. "Eat on children, otherwise the food will get cold." Polly says after a moment and puts the gun back in her skirt pocket. "You did well Finn." The little one is beaming with pride, he has done his job as Arthur told him to do. You and Ada also start picking at your food again, even if you're not hungry you have to eat for your baby. ---   You won't hear a word from your parents for the next few days. You're trying to get into a normal daily routine. You go to nursing school, do the shopping and take care of Finn with Ada, even if you realize that it all costs you more energy than before and you often sleep a few hours before eating. It takes you over a week to sit down and write a letter to John.   My dear John,   I hope you're doing well, I hope you're all doing well. I miss you so terribly. But I also have news. Good news I think, at least that's what Polly says all the time. I wish I could look you in the eye and deliver this message to you personally, but unfortunately I can't. I'm pregnant, we're going to have a little baby. I don't know if you're happy or not, I hope you are. I hope it's good news for you too. My parents are very angry, not only because of the pregnancy, but also because they know about us now. About us and our engagement. Father was very angry, I think he would have liked to get on the next train to go to France to put a bullet in your head. I hope he comes to terms with the new situation. Mom wanted me to have an abortion, but I want to have this child even though we're not married yet. I'm staying with Polly now. It's okay, although I'm saddened by my parents' reaction. But everything will be fine. Once you're home everything will be fine. I know that! I just hope you'll be with me again soon. I can't wait to see you again.   We're waiting for you at home.   Love Y/N     Polly will make sure the letter gets to the post office the same day. You're nervous about John's answer, but deep in your heart you know that everything will be fine.   ---   The next few weeks go by far too quickly, your belly is growing all the time and it's becoming difficult to hide it under loose clothing. On a Tuesday afternoon, after your class, the director of the school comes up to you. "Miss Y/L/N." you startle, but you smile. "How can I help you sir?" his stern gaze doesn't soften for a second, he first looks at you, then his gaze goes to your stomach and then to your finger, on which the engagement ring is stretched but no wedding ring yet. In that second you know he knows and you swallow the lump in your throat. "Your tuition has not been paid so I have spoken to your father and he has clarified your situation to me. I hereby inform you that you are no longer welcome at my school. Have a nice day." with that he turns away and leaves you standing. You feel tears welling up in your eyes, but you swallow them and turn to leave. You just want to get out of here. Emily slips past you, when she sees your face she stops. "Y/N, what happened?" ask her worried. "Nothing." you say, but your voice trembles way too much. Emily doesn't believe you. She grabs your hand. "You're lying, tell me what's going on." her voice is soft, but you still shake your head. "Believe me, you don't want to be seen with me." you say, break free and just run away. As you enter Polly's house, you finally let the tears roll down your cheeks. Ada looks at you, startled. "What happened? Is something wrong? Is something wrong with the baby?" she asks immediately. "The baby is fine." you say quickly to calm her down. You didn't want to scare her. "I was kicked out of school. My father stopped paying and told the principal everything. Of course they don't want unmarried pregnant women at their school." Ada hugs you. "What assholes." "Don't curse in front of the baby." you say softly which makes Ada giggle. "I try it." You wipe the tears from your face and try a smile. "It's not that bad, I never wanted to be a nurse anyway." you say and carefully stroke your growing belly with one hand. Even if you never wanted to become a nurse, you enjoyed the training and it was a nice feeling to have something of your own, to be able to learn. But because of your pregnancy, that's being taken away from you now. It's unfair, the whole world is unfair. But then you have to think about the little baby growing inside you and you know it's worth all this trouble. You would go through hell for your little baby and it's not even born yet. "Letters have come from France." says Ada suddenly. "Why don't you say that directly?" you say, all sadness and anger is suddenly forgotten. "I thought it was something with the baby." Ada takes a letter and holds it out to you. You immediately recognize John's handwriting and rip the letter out of Ada's hand, but when you try to open it your hands are shaking too much. "What if he wants an abortion." you say in a toneless voice. "We're still so young, and don't get married either." Adam sighs. "I don't think so. But you have to read the letter for it. I can stay here and hold your hand if you want." You nod and sit down next to Ada on the small sofa. Her warm hand encloses yours and you carefully open the letter.   My beloved wife,   I know this is a difficult time for you, but nothing in my life has ever made me happier than reading that you are pregnant. I don't care that your parents hate me, but I'm sorry you're suffering. I wish I could do something. Maybe your parents will forgive us once we're married, after all we're family then. I miss you so much my princess. I just think about you and our little baby all the time. When I come home we'll get married and I'll buy a house and we'll be a real little family. Just that thought makes me happier than I've ever been in my life. You're my reason to stay alive and come home and now you've given me another reason, I swear I'm coming home to you and our baby. I'll be back before the baby comes and I'll hold your hand during the birth, I promise.   I love you. your husband John     His words lighten your heart and are all that keeps you going for the next few months. You can no longer hide your stomach under baggy clothes and you notice people's looks. They look at you like an outcast, some even shouting snide remarks after you. You try to ignore it, but you find it difficult. You write a letter to your mother asking her to come visit you. But she doesn't answer you. Ada tries to cheer you up all the time, but she doesn't succeed. You're sitting in the living room with Finn, practicing reading with him, when there's a knock and Emily enters. "Hello Y/N. I hope it's okay that I visit you." You nod, surprised that she is coming to visit you, but she sits down next to you and smiles kindly. "Everybody talks at school. They say you got pregnant and now the Shelbys are forcing you to have the baby. Some also say that Polly put a gypsy curse on your family." she says calmly. "I'm sorry." You don't know what to say and just nod. "How are you? What does the doctor say? Is the child healthy?" "I'm fine. I miss John and yes the baby is fine. The doctor says he's a bit big for his age so it's probably going to be a boy but Polly swears it's going to be a girl. I am it doesn't matter, I just want the baby to be healthy and for John to come home." "Would you like to go into town a little, maybe for some tea? I invite you." Emily still looks at you kindly and you nod. Distraction would certainly do you good. So the two of you hit the road and spend a relaxing time together, Emily shielding you from most looks, she doesn't seem to care that you're pregnant and unmarried. She seems like a really good friend. "I often get letters from my brother, he says it's terrible in France. He says war makes frightened children out of the best men. He says soldiers are dying like flies in summer." You set the tea aside, sickened at the thought that John might die. Emily catches your gaze. "Oh my god Y/N! I'm so sorry I wasn't thinking. Isn't John writing you?" "Yes, often. Just not about the war. He writes that he misses me and that he loves me. And he writes that he is happy about our child." you answer. Emily nods. "I didn't mean to make you sad. John is in a different unit, so maybe it's not so bad for him." "Yes, perhaps." you answer and try to find your good mood again. It's late when Emily escorts you home, the sun has set and the streets are dark ahead of you. Suddenly you hear a whistling from the side and three drunk men come towards you. Not again! Somehow Emily and you attract bad luck. "Nah sweethearts. Why so late on the road?" says a man, but you ignore him and walk on. But of course the men stand in your way. "Come on honey, I can see you're just a stupid whore. After all, you got yourself pregnant and that without a husband." his cold hand grabs your arm and you try to pull away. "Leave her alone." Emily intervenes, but she is held by another man. You panic, but you try to stay calm. Suddenly a loud bang cuts through the evening silence. You jump, startled, and only when the man collapses in front of you do you realize that the bang was a shot. The other men stare in horror at their friend, who is bleeding on the floor. "Nobody touch this woman! By order of the Peaky Blinders." Jeremiah Jesus is standing across the street, stowing his gun. He'd been in France for the last year, you know that. You didn't know he came back already and you didn't know he was in the Peaky Blinders. "Go home now." he says to you and Emily. You nod and then start walking. The shock is still deep, Jeremiah had just shot a man for you, on the orders of the Peaky Pictures. By order of John. Your whole body is shaking when you and Emily come home. "So much excitement is not good for the baby." Emily keeps saying, you can see from her pale face and her trembling hands that the whole situation upset her too. "Let's never talk about this again." you say in a cold voice and stroke your stomach. You are safe now, John saved you. That's the only thing you want to think about right now.   ---   John's next letter contains not only declarations of love and promises that he will be back soon, but also a list of children's names. You read through this list a hundred times and talk to Ada about which name she likes. "You don't have to worry about boy names. It's going to be a girl." says Polly with a slight smile on her face. "But the doctors say it will be a boy." or so you say. "The doctors are wrong my child." Polly strokes your hair once and then makes her way back to the kitchen. Finn runs into the living room and jumps on Ada's lap. "What are you doing?" he asks. "We're thinking of a name for your nephew or nephew." "For John and Y/N Baby?" "Right." you say. "I'm looking forward to the baby." Finn says. You kiss his head. "I'm looking forward to the baby too." you say and smile at the little boy. "Would you like to read us something?" asks Ada. Finn thinks for a moment. "I can't read very well yet." "That's not true. You read great, please." "OK." Finn jumps up and gets one of his exercise books. He really can't read very well, but it's Ada's and your job to boost his confidence and support him. You lean back on the small sofa while Finn reads, stuttering. You're incredibly tired again, but you're trying to stay awake. There is an incredible stillness in this moment and you look forward to your future life as Shelby. With John by your side and your little baby. He'll be home soon and he promised to hold your hand when your baby is born.   ---   John didn't keep his promise. When your water bursts you are alone with Ada and Polly, the men are still far away in France. You've never been in pain like this, the birth drags on for hours and you curse John for doing this to you and for not being here now. At the same time, you want nothing more than to hold his hand. But he's not with you, so you hold Ada's hand and cry with her. But when you hold the little bundle in your arms, everything is forgotten. There's nothing more important than your little girl and that she's okay. "She looks healthy and strong." says Polly. "You did well dear. I'm proud of you." You want to write John a letter right away, but you're too weak, you can't even sit properly by yourself. Besides, you'd have to let your daughter out of your arms and that's the last thing you want. "I can write him a letter." Polly says and you nod. "Please hurry, it's supposed to be out in the mail today. John must know we're fine." Polly nods with a smile and brushes a strand of sweaty hair away from your face. "I will write immediately." she says in a soft voice. "Sleep a little now, the birth was exhausting for you." "But.." "No but Y/N. Your daughter is sleeping anyway, and Ada can watch out for that." "I will not leave your side." Ada says, sitting next to you on the edge of the bed. "I'll take care of you and the little one." "Her name is Katie." you say in a low voice. You try hard not to fall asleep, even if your eyes keep falling. "That's a beautiful name." says Ada. "Sleep now Y/N. It's all good." Ada says soothing words and it doesn't take long for you to fall asleep.   You always thought John was the love of your life and nothing could replace him in your heart. But the second you looked into your daughter's eyes for the first time, you knew that John would be number two in your heart. You have never felt such unconditional love. Polly and the doctors say your little girl is doing well. And you couldn't be prouder of her. Your new favourite activity is watching Katie all day long.   Finn never leaves your side, he loves his nephew and takes care of her as best he can. Even though Katie takes up all of your attention and time, you try to take care of Finn as much as possible. You don't want him to feel replaced by Katie and get jealous of the little girl.   It takes about two weeks for John's reply to come from France.   My beloved wife, I'm begging you, never let Polly write a letter for you again. When I saw her handwriting and not yours, my heart almost stopped, I thought I lost you. Please don't ever do this to me again. But nothing in my life has made me happier than to read that our little girl is born. I'm sorry I couldn't be with you. I know I promised, but the war is still going on and unfortunately there is no end in sight. I never thought I'd be gone for so long. I'm sorry. I hope that I can come home soon. I miss you and our little girl even though I haven't met her yet. I'm also supposed to give you congratulations from Tommy and Arthur. They are also looking forward to getting to know our little girl soon. I hope you are doing well and you are happy.   I love you and Katie. Please tell her every day that her father loves her.   John   ---   One afternoon, you've just laid Katie down, there's a knock on the door. Polly is in the shop and Ada is shopping, so you answer the door. Your mother is in front of you. "Mom?" you ask surprised and let her into the little house. "Hello my child." says your mother, she looks around the little house a little bit, she seems out of place but she smiles at you. You don't know exactly what she wants from you. "I heard you had your baby." she says. "Yes. A girl, her name is Katie." you say. Your mother smiles and her eyes gather tears. "May I meet her?" "She sleeps." you answer. You feel the need to hug your mother and cry. But you're still angry anyway. You needed her and she wasn't there. "Y/N. My dear child. I'm so sorry. I know I reacted wrongly. I was just so angry that you didn't listen to me and kept your relationship with that Shelby boy a secret from me. And then the pregnancy, without marriage." "I know I shouldn't have kept it a secret from you. But I didn't know what else to do. Mom, I love John and he loves me. You and Dad would never have accepted the relationship and sent me away." Your mother sighs. "I understand you. It took time but I understand you now. And when I heard your baby was here my only thought was that I missed the birth and how sorry I was that I wasn't there for you. I know you needed me. I can never make it up to you. But please Y/N. I want to be a part of your life again and I want to be a part of my grandchild's life too." "Her name is Katie." "A beautiful name." You sigh and then you jump over your shadow and hug your mother. All your feelings are boiling over, the strain with Katie, the heartbreak for John, that he miss the first year of his daughters life and missing your mother. You don't want to be mad at her. You love her. "I like to watch Katie sleep. Would you like to sit with me?" "Of course. Thank you." You quietly go up the narrow staircase to John's room, which is now more yours and Katie's room. Your mother quietly enters the room behind you, her eyes immediately go to the small cot. Your little girl is sleeping peacefully. Tears come to your mother's eyes when she sees Katie for the first time. "She is beautiful." she whispers and grabs your hand. "She looks like you when you were little. Only the nose is different." "She has John's eyes too." you answer quietly. You spent hours looking at Katie, looking for similarities to you and John. You sit on the edge of the bed, your mother stands by the cot and looks down at the baby. There is only love in her eyes and you are so relieved that your mother has forgiven you. But you also know your father didn't. Otherwise he would be here and your mother wouldn't have come during his working hours. You know she's here secretly without her saying it. You don't know how much time has passed, but you hear Polly downstairs in the kitchen. She now closes the betting shop for a few hours in the afternoon. Enough customers only come in the evening, so that it wouldn’t be worthwhile to open the Shop the whole day. Katie slowly starts to wake up and cry. She is hungry. Immediately you are at her bed and pick her up. "I have to feed her." you say, your mother looks at you and you can see in her eyes that she is proud of you. "I have to apologize to Ms Shelby." your mother whispers, turning away from you and Katie. you nod "She's downstairs." Your mother takes a deep breath and then leaves the small room. You'd love to be part of the conversation, but priority is now on Katie. With her in your arms you sit down on the old bed and start breastfeeding her. When Katie is full, you wrap her diaper and then go down the stairs with her in your arms. In the kitchen, Polly and your mother are having a cup of tea and seem to be talking peacefully. When you enter the room, they both look up. A smile appears on Polly's face as always when she sees Katie. She stretches out her arms and you put the little girl in her arms. She immediately starts babbling happily as she lies in Polly's arms. Your mother looks at Polly with a sad smile, you know she would love to hold Katie too, but to Katie she is a stranger and you are not sure how your baby will react. "Your mother apologized to me." Polly says to you as you pour yourself a cup of tea. "She is now welcome back in our house." You're relieved to hear that. "Thank you Aunt Polly." then you turned to your mother. "Father doesn't know you're here right?" "I'm sorry. He's still mad, he says he doesn't have a daughter anymore." Actually, you would have thought that you would start crying now, but all you do is nod and pet your daughter's head. It's his bad luck if he doesn't want to meet your little miracle. "Would you like to hold her?" Your mother's eyes well up again. "Yes of course." You nod and Polly carefully hands Katie to your mother. Katie looks at your mother skeptically. "This is my mom. Your grandma." you whisper and kiss her head. Katie grabs your mother's finger and holds it tight. Now tears are running down your mother's cheeks. "Hi Katie. Nice to meet you. I'm sorry it took so long." she whispers. From that day on, your mother will come to Watery Lane at least once a week, bringing something with her each time. Dresses, hats and toys for Katie, coats for you, Ada and Polly. Even books for Finn. Sometimes she slips a little money in your skirt pocket. "We don't need the money." you say, even if it's a lie. "I know, but I want to support you. Please let me do that for you." When your mother is with you, she never mentions your father, but you've come to terms with the fact that your father will hate you forever. For the so-called mistake you made, but you wouldn't give up on Katie for the world, she's not a mistake, she's the greatest happiness of your life. The only thing missing from your life now is John.   Katie starts crawling without meeting her father. Katie starts walking without knowing her father. Katie stutters her first words, she says “Mama”. And even if at this moment your heart is overflowing with happiness and love, you would like to start crying because John is not here to hear her first word.   ---   Autumn is slowly coming to an end and it is getting colder and colder. You wrap yourself in your coat while you carry the groceries home. A cold wind whistles around your ears and you are glad when you finally step into the warm house. Finn and Katie run towards you immediately. "Y/N, Katie is stealing my toys." says Finn and clings to your legs. You place the heavy basket of groceries on the table and bend down to the ten-year-old. He has long been too heavy for you to pick him up. "Ada says I can." says Katie, you brush her blond curls away from her face. "Share the toys." you suggest. "I don't want to share with her though, she's still a baby." says Finn. You sigh "You're right Finn. But if a baby wants to play with your toys, doesn't that mean you're too old for them?" you ask and tilt your head. Finn thinks for a moment. "You're right, I'm too old for toys like that." he says and hands Katie the carved wooden horse. "These are toys for babies." Katie doesn't care, she grabs the horse and hugs it to her chest like it's her greatest treasure, she knows the little wooden horse used to belong to her father. Suddenly the door behind you flies open and Ada storms into the kitchen. The newspaper in her hand. "The war is over. They're coming home." Tears run down her cheeks and she laughs with joy. "They're finally coming home."

This isn’t “goodbye”, this is simply “see you later” - Series Masterlist

Part 1: Goodbye my lover 

Part 2: Without you

Part 3: cooming soon

Sharing Is Caring|| Tommy Shelby x Reader x Alfie Solomons

Summary: You're having double life, one is by Tommy Shelby's side, one by Alfie Solomons. What will happen if they'll find it out one day eventually?

Warnings: none

Words: 2503

Authors: Cass & Rouge

Tommy growled annoyed at bedsheets shifting next to him, it was still early. Too early. Too early even for waking up but he forced himself to open one eye.

His blue orb scanned the figure that still stood next to bed.

"You are up already? And leaving, love?," He asked with his voice still husky because of the sleep. "This is kinda rude, you know? Sneaking out."

You smiled at his words, him being awoken didn't stop you from packing your stuff to leather, black bag that was overhanging by your right shoulder. "The sun hasn't yet dawn, Thomas, you can sleep a little still," you told him, turning to face your boyfriend. You leant down and touched his temple with your soft lips. "I have some things to do and unfortunately, the day has only twenty four hours."

Tommy chuckled and slowly sat up only to leave the bed second later.

His arms wrapped around your thin waist, pulling you closer to his still naked chest. Tommy nuzzled to your hair, inhailing their scent before letting out a sigh.

"You know, love? It's getting really suspicious and what really fucking bother me is fact that my woman try to sneak out of the bed like some kind of whore," last word was nothing but a soft growl, all he wanted was to emphasize what he was having in mind.

You stroked his cheeks with your hands and shook your head like you'd be saying 'no'.

"I understand, love, but you know that I am busy with leading my shop," you explained and slipped out of his arms.

"I can understand that my work can take whole days but a fucking dress shop? Really? I have feeling you are fucking with me now and not in a good way, love," Tommy said with a frown.

"Love, could those eyes of mine ever lie to you?," You looked at him briefly as you left his bedroom and went downstairs, where you took your thick, black coat off the hanger and put it over your shoulders. "I wouldn't lie to you, ever," your voice was sweet and tender, maybe a little too emotions could be heard in it.

Tommy walked downstairs after you, thinking deeply. He didn't like this at all and it wasn't the first time you were running away like that.

You turned to him and walked closer, your hand touched his cheek.

"I love you, remember this," you informed him tenderly before you left.

The morning was rather chilly, wind blew strongly ruffling your locks of your hair.

That day you were walking pretty fast along the street, your heels tapped the sidewalk rhythmically.

After some time, you turned down a side street and almost started running. Finally, you reached the little house with red door and small squared windows in a lead frame that were framed with simple platbands and had an unary sun blind.

You got up porch steps and knocked to the door few times.

The door opened.

Alfie looked at you as he crossed arms over his chest covered with white, crumpled shirt.

"Oh, would you look at that! Fucking princess decided to fucking show up. What? You quit whoring around and decided to come back home, huh?," He said looking down on you with a frown.

You cocked your brows at him. "Yes, Alfie, I'm glad to see you, too," you scoffed and leant against door frame. "I couldn't come earlier. I was busy with my business. May I come in?"

"Yes, yes, I heard it all before. Your fucking business, always fucking out, fucking bullshit," Alfie muttered and walked back to living room, leaving door opened for you.

You smiled to yourself, it was already a good sign that he let you in.

Solomons' house was full of extraordinary things gathered everywhere around.

You followed him to the living room, taking coat off during the way there.

"How have you been, Alfie?," You asked sweetly approaching him and nuzzling to his wide back.

Alfie moved away.

"How do you fucking think? Alone, woman. You fucking just left without a word, pet," man growled and moved to pour himself a drink. "Fucking whore," Alfie said before finished his glass in one big gulp.

You let out a sigh and took a seat on his couch, crossing legs nicely.

It was common behaviour for Alfie Solomons, he was pretty good at cursing and disparaging people.

"Alfie, please, don't behave like a spoil brat who's had his rattle taken away," you used the softest of soft tones you could have made. "We're both adults, you know that I also have my business that needs to be run professionally," you added making sure your dress moved a little up your thighs so your legs were nicely exposed.

Alfie laughed loudly and looked at you.

"You? Business? If you meant whoring around, then you're not wrong, pet," he growled and looked at you. "Guess what, miss? I was getting fucking tired of you sneaking out, so in the end I sent my boys after you. You spent two hours at your stupid, little hole you call the shop and then you got where? Ah, right! To Shelby's house. Was a good, old Tommy Shelby buying a dress from you? Whole fucking night?!," Alfie roared and grabbed you by wrist, pulling you up back on your feet. "You think it's a smart move to fuck with me in that way?!"

His words made your blood freeze. You swallowed saliva and licked lips before you spoke aloud. "Why did you have to do this, Solomons? It was a perfect scheme and you had to fucking destroy it because of your fucking jealousy?!," You pulled hand out of his grasp and went to the window to peek outside.

"Fucking why?! You dare to ask my fucking why?!," He growled and pulled you closer to him, his hands grasped both of your cheeks. "Because the woman that I love fucks this gypsy trush behind my fucking back and treat our bed like a fucking hotel."

You let out a deep, sad sigh and tried to hold tears back.

"I'm so sorry, Alfie... I just... I've met him when you were making businesses with him last year. Few weeks ago we met again, and, I can't explain it... He was charming... You were angry all the time, busy all the time, you were using me only to fulfill your lust and needs!," You said openly, your body shivered.

"You don't fucking sit in my head, woman! You have no idea what I'm thinking about!," He yelled at you. "I worked to make sure you have everything you ever fucking needed but sure! It's simply better to go fuck someone else!," Alfe muttered, letting go of your face.

"Alfie...," You whispered as tear strolled down your cheek. "Please... Forgive me... Please, love."

"Go to that gypsy psycho, go ahead. Doors are there," he said simply, pointing on the door, then he filled his glass again and sat at the armchair to drink its content.

You lowered your head, it was pointless to argue with him and try to explain yourself when he was pissed like a ravenous pack of hounds. You put your coat on , tightening its flaps around yourself and left his house without a word.

-----------

Tommy was getting annoyed without you, he hated when you were gone and he was forced to stay alone.

He decided to do the most logical thing possible, to pay you a visit.

-----------

Tommy's hand gently banged on your door as soon as he was in front of them, after few knocks he waited for you to open.

In the meantime he lighted his cigarette up.

You shifted a curtain aside and peeked out of the window, as soon as you spotted familiar figure at your door, you let out a loud sigh and went downstairs to open them.

"What are you doing here, Tommy?," You asked trying your best to keep voice clear and strong.

Tommy looked at you with a frown.

"You cried," man said bluntly before wrapped his arm around your waist and pulled you inside. There was no point in hiding something like this from him, he knew all of this too well. "What's wrong, love?," Tommy asked as his gloved hand gently caressed your cheek.

"Please, don't, Tommy," you asked quietly as you shifted away from him, moving to the living room where you flopped onto the couch. "I've... I've done something bad... Really, really bad and no, Tommy, you can't do anything about this..."

You bursted in tears, they were rolling down your cheeks like little pearls.

He watched you, helpess. Letting out a quiet sigh he started to undress himself from the coat. Soon, he joined you on the couch, his arms wrapped around you just like at the morning.

"Love? What happened? I will pull you out from any troubles, you know this," Tommy said before his hand found your smaller one and grasped it gently.

"You won't pull me out of troubles, Tommy. I'm the fucking trouble myself," you cursed in harsh voice, rubbing your temples. "Listen, there's something you need to know about me. I wasn't fully honest with you that day when you asked me if I have someone."

Tommy looked at you completely puzzled.

Suddenly the door bursted open and Alfie walked inside. He was holding bouquet of your favourite flowers in his hand.

"Okay, love! You were right, I shouldn't behave like crazy bastard I am, so I came to apolo....," Alfie said loudly and walked to living room only to witness you wrapped in Shelby's arms. "Oh, am I bothering? I see you fucking decided to make up your fucking mind," Alfie snorted viciously, throwing bouquet on the floor.

Tommy looked deeply unimpressed.

"What the fuck you want, Solomons, eh?," He growled, protectivly tightening his arms around your waist. "Haven't you fucking heard about knocking to lady's door?"

"Oh, just fucking shut up. I would knock if she would be a lady, but she is just a whore!," Alfie barked back.

You were looking at them both, moving your glance from one to another. You got up quickly and screamed, using all of your strength.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP, BOTH OF YOU!"

Tommy was ready to rip Alfie's throat out for you.

"Why?! Look at this fucking Jew, who the fuck he thinks he is to simply burst in here?," He growled.

"This 'fucking Jew' is as close to her as you, gypsy fucker," Alfie stated simply, taking his hat off.

"What the fuck is this maniac talking about, Y/N?," Tommy asked.

"Tommy, he's my partner. Both, in business and in life," you explained shortly as you lowered your head. "I am so sorry. So sorry. Apologies are necessary to both of you. I was leading double life. I couldn't have decided which one of you is better for me. You both are amazing men, you both have something that turns me on..."

"What?! How could you do this?!," Tommy growled surprised and grabbed your hand. "One cock really wasn't enough for you?!"

Alfie grabbed Tommy and easily pulled him away.

"Wo-ho there. No need to be physical, Thomas. Come on now, we need to talk," Alfie asked coldly.

Tommy, still with raging anger inside him, gave a brief nod to Alfie and followed him outside.

You fought with burning need to follow men but eventually you decided to stay home and wait for them to return.

--------

After half an hour or maybe even longer, both men returned. One of them knocked on the door and they both waited.

You opened the door and shifted aside so they could enter.

Both man walked inside.

"So," Alfie began.

"We talked," Tommy finished and looked at Alfie "And we came to some conclusions."

"If you can't chose between us two...," Alfie said and looked back at Tommy.

"We will share," other man finished simply with a sigh.

You blinked and covered your half-opened mouth with curled palm. You sat heavily on the couch, glaring at both of men in disbelief. "I think my ears have tricked me, what did you say?

"We are going to share you," Tommy repeated.

"We will be in relationship that takes three of us together," Alfie shrugged, rubbing his long beard.

"And you have agreed on this, Alfie?," You couldn't believe on what you've heard. "I mean, how do you even imagine this?"

Alfie shrugged once again.

"I would do whatever I could to make my angel happy, so I am even capable to get some agreement with Shelby if it comes to you."

"We'll do everything to make you happy. You're important to both of us after all, isn't it true, dear friend?," Tommy stated as his glance moved from your figure to Alfie.

"Uhm, yea, your happiness is priceless, Y/N, innit, Tommy?," Alfie cocked his brow and massaged his scar.

You watched them with mouth hung open.

"You really want to give it a shout, Tommy?," You asked him as you got up and moved closer to him, playing nervously with hems of your dress.

Tommy looked at you and nodded.

"If this will make you happy, then I am more than eager to try. I just hate to see you crying."

"Would you look at that? Good, old Thomas fucking Shelby is going soft for a woman," Alfie laughed harshly.

"But I am also willing to break this fucker's nose," Tommy growled, throwing mean glance at Alfie.

"Oh, yeah, again? Ain't it enough for you that you almost got me killed?!," Solomons pointed out, crossing hands behind his back and tilting his head.

"Gentlemen, easy," you tried to calm both man down. "Alfie, I know how possessive you might get, are you sure you'll take it?," You asked as your glance moved to rest on his steel blue eyes.

Alfie looked at you and nodded.

"I will. I will do whatever I can, sweetheart. Only to make you happy."

"I don't know how to thank you, both of you!," Another wave of tears streamed down your cheeks. "I don't want you two to kill each other just because of me and my lack of decisiveness. I'll share my time equally to both of you," you assured them with a little smile.

Both men looked at each other and nodded.

"Sounds good to me," Tommy agreed and soft smile crept onto his face.

"We have a smart girl," Alfie said proudly and Tommy cringed softly at these words, cold shiver ran along his spine.

"So, I think we have something to celebrate," you grinned at them and wiped your tears away while going to the kitchen. You grabbed three glasses and returned to the living room. Soon, glasses were poured with whiskey. You handled one to Tommy and one to Alfie. "To us," you toasted.

Both men raised their glasses up as well.

"To us," they said in unity.

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