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good early morning everyone, woke up to the sound of rain today (fuck yeah my plants are watered) and im very happy… i dont have pl today but i did draw klapollo for my portfolio so here
also i started watching that playthrough of mystery room i was recommended and yeah the game fucks its just not layton like its not even trying to be layton
Whispers of Gloom || Junhui
Pairings: Junhui x Fem!Reader
Genre: Angst, Established Relationship au!, Breakup au!
Synopsis: Your boyfriend has always been bad at communicating but when have you ever failed to see through him? So when he falls out of love evidently and struggles within, you decide to be his anchor for one last time.
Warnings: Junhui is in emotional constipation, breakup, regrets, tears, heartache.
Word Count: 2.8k
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Jun returns to the apartment late, yet again. But instead of the usual darkness, he sees light flooding into the hallway from the dimly lit dining.
He's alarmed instantly when he sees you sitting quietly, eyes closed. Because you don't wait up for him, you used to but however you don't nowadays.
When the footsteps approach closer, you open your eyes looking at him.
"I made your favourite dessert.", you say getting up from the chair and walking into the kitchen, "Made your favourite dishes as well but you must have had dinner already so you can eat it tomorrow or whenever it's suitable for you."
Jun is confused, never a man of many words, he just pulls a chair and sits across from where you were sat.
You serve him a slice of blueberry cheesecake.
"Why are you still up?", he finally asks, taking in a bite, the flavours melting in his mouth.
"We'll talk after you finish eating.", you take a seat beside him. Though finding it odd, he obliges.
You run your hand through his hair, feeling the silky locks slipping through your fingers. You must have been doing it for a while because Jun grabs your hand, searching for your gaze.
Your eyes land on the empty plate and you take a deep breath, a small smile plastering on your lips.
"Am I missing an important date?", Jun asks in an edgy tone but you're quick to dismiss that.
"We've been together for 7 years. Before that, been good friends for another 4, so that makes 11 years in total.", you state as a matter of fact, "So I think I can claim that I know you the best, even better than you know yourself, right?"
Jun nods but his mouth goes dry for some reason, he isn't aware of.
"Now, whatever I'm going to say just repeat after me."
"What? Why?"
"Trust me one more time.", you say quietly, "I'll rescue you from another sticky situation, like I've always done. So just repeat after me okay?"
"Y/N, I'm--"
"Please.", your voice is stern, leaving no room for further questioning.
"Word by word okay?", you free your hand from your boyfriend's grip, "Say 'Y/N, I don't feel the same for you anymore, I've fallen out of love.'"
Jun freezes. He feels, he has been bared out. Was he acting so obvious? It's you, his partner who can read him like an open book.
He often wonders if you can read his mind as well.
"Y/N, I don't feel the same for you anymore, I've fallen out of love.", he repeats as promised, his voice almost quivering.
"It's okay, feelings change, you outgrow people.", you say, but every word you speak leaves a bitter aftertaste in your tongue, "Now tell me that 'I have been trying to tell you for a while but I wasn't sure how to do that without hurting you.'"
His head hangs low as he repeats after you.
"I have known it for a while. You might not be good at communicating but your actions speak volumes.", you pat on his shoulder urging him to meet your gaze, "I watched you turning from a partner to simply a roommate I share my bed with. We've stopped going on dates, we don't speak much. Intimacy is out of scope. Even though sharing this apartment, we don't spend time together. We've stopped kissing hello's and goodbye's. Heck, we didn't even have fights, it's like you gave up on us even before trying."
You try so hard to blink away the tears but how could you turn down a whole stream?
Your voice betrays you and with a croak you continue, "You don't have to stay late out just to avoid me. And the ring--"
His head whips up, eyes wide as he asks, "You knew about the ring?"
"I accidentally found it when I was cleaning the house one afternoon. I remember how I froze on the spot and screamed out in happiness. It was so hard to put it back in place and pretend like not knowing about it's existence."
Now it's his turn, you watch in pain as Jun sobs, hiding his face behind his palms. The distance forms a wall and suddenly you can't find yourself to engulf him in your embrace like you've always done.
"I waited each day for you to propose me. Sounds stupid, I know.", you try to joke, "But while doing so I noticed the changes in your demeanor. Tried to shake them off, thought it's just a phase, it'll go away. You love me so you'll eventually come back to me but I realized that five months is too long for a phase to stick in.", your voice grows quieter, your gaze fixated on your lap, "Then I was able to put it all together. You always act on whims so the outcome of one such episode made you buy the ring but your feelings started to change."
Jun's memories lingers back on how he had shut you out. Dismissed your every attempt of rekindle. He was only thinking about himself back then but now his mind burns with the hurt and disappointment those etched on your face everytime he did so.
"Do you think it was a wrong move to ask you out? Maybe it would have been better if we stayed as friends? You were still recovering from the breakup. I have always thought we had connection but what scared me was the thought of being a mere rebound. Maybe I started as a placeholder but we progressed. I was so proud of us, I was so in love. I still am."
He watches your dazed vision, as you speak your thoughts out in a monologue.
This makes Jun contemplate if feelings can really change? To be exact, if he really stopped loving you romantically? If so, then why is he breaking apart over the thought of losing you?
"Jun".
Not 'Baby'. He's not your baby anymore.
"I have marked all the important dates on the table calendar, make sure to set the reminders in your phone or you'll miss each one of them.", you say walking into the bedroom. Jun follows as if he's been put on an autopilot.
When you open the closet, his heart drops. It now has just his clothes, yours are gone. Your words fall on deaf ears as he looks in front. Somedays back you both had agreed on remodeling it because the space was becoming tight to keep both of your belongings and now there's so much space that it's almost empty.
He then follows you to the bathroom, none of your skincare products or medication, remains only his.
In the kitchen, you tell him that you've pasted all containers with labels having the name and expiry date written. You show him the cabinets and counter, informing him where he can find what all.
When you go to the verandah, Jun finally speaks, "You've taken the plants?"
You purse your lips in a thin line, "It'd be a hassle for you, anyways, it's my habit of growing them. It's been a week since I have moved them to Seungkwan's garden.... You were too pre-occupied to notice."
Leave behind something that's belongs to you, please.
His heart screams out the words, only if you could hear those.
"The Paris trip we planned to celebrate our anniversary, I cancelled the tickets and all the reservations.", you inform him, "I just a need one last favour from you. In the last drawer of the nightstand, there's the birthday gift for your brother. It's something he's has been wanting for long, so please make sure to give it to him."
How do I tell my family about what became of us? They love you more than me. They'll never forgive me.
You tell him a few more things which barely reach him.
Then a few moments later, you leave and re-emerge with your luggage.
Jun just observes, it's like he has lost his cognitive abilities. He wants you to stay, to ask where are you going at dawn hours, where is your accommodation, who's gonna stay with you but nothing gets past his lips.
"It's 4 already. Juhyun must be waiting.", you check the time and look at him. Wiping his tears you say, "I'll be staying at Juhyun's for the time being, though I have short listed some of the places, I'll try to finalize on one of them asap. Also, I couldn't take everything with me, so Jihoon will contact you to come and take the rest of my--"
"Can I hug you?", Jun cuts you off abruptly and you're instantly wrapping your arms around him.
He dips his nose on your shoulder blade, murmuring, "I'm sorry, Y/N. I don't want to let go and I know I'll be regretting everything. I don't even remember if I had a life before you, without you. Please let's stay like this for sometime."
You don't know for how long you both stay in each other's embrace in silence until you feel his hands trying to pull you closer which seems impossible considering the proximity. He pulls away only to rest his forehead on yours, "Was I a bad boyfriend?"
You sigh, "How do I set a bar for what's good and what's bad? I just know that I have loved you as the way you were, with all your flaws, with all your strengths."
He's so tempted to kiss your tears away but he knows he shouldn't so he wouldn't.
"And you're the best thing that's ever been mine. I-I'm just..", he trails off.
There's one more question that's at the tip of his tongue. Something he's not scared to ask but definitely scared to hear the answer of.
Will I see you again?
You read his eyes, your answer never spoken out.
I don't think I can handle seeing you once I leave because you fell out of love, I never did.
"I should really leave now.", you say taking off his hands gently while stepping away.
You don't wait anymore, not even a look at your now ex-boyfriend or the apartment, you just scurry away.
Because one look back at everything you once had was enough to dissolve your resolute.
Jun wonders if he's even prepared for his life ahead (without you in it).
There are pros and cons of having the same circle.
It's the wedding ceremony of Juhyun and Joshua today. Everyone is excited and happy. Months and months of planning, all just to see this day.
Seungkwan stands beside Jun as they both watch Jihoon singing to the crowd, fondly.
Jun's mind bears a sail of thoughts. All of them revolving around you. He looks at the couple of the honour, soon to be newlyweds.
Just like you and Jun, Juhyun and Joshua are also friends turned lovers. They've dated for around 5 years before deciding to the level up their relationship. There was a bet within the group to see which one among the two couples would tie the knot first.
Well Seungkwan isn't happy, obviously not because he lost the bet.
It's been almost a half an year since Junhui got to see you. You've done a great job in avoiding him all this time despite of sharing the same circle. Though it was upsetting but everyone understood when you straight up rejected their invitations for any celebrations. Their love for you, have made them patient.
So when Jun out of guilt stop attending the patties as well, they comforted him.
He misses you, before being his girlfriend, you were his closest friend, so loosing you substracted a partner and a comrade from his life.
Everyone knows you'll be coming today, no exceptions this time, you have to be there for the wedding because you're the maid of honour and Jun, the best man. This was decided way before you two broke up. Jun remembers how you joked about catching the bouquet so that you'd be next in line.
He is tired of pestering everyone else to know about your updates. You've stopped posting on your social media and you don't reply in the group chats anymore.
He just wants to see you. The tangent of his life took a hit with everything that happened. Didn't he make it evident that his feelings changed, so why is he hurting?
You take a deep breath. You're doing better but you don't know what will happen once you see Jun. It's not pathetic, you know, you chose not to move on yet because it's your feelings for him, still safe with you as long as they don't make you vulnerable.
As you step into the venue, you feel all eyes on you. You have no choice but to greet Jun as your whole group is sat at a corner and unfortunately or fortunately, he's a part of the same group.
You hug everyone except him. But it's impossible to avoid him any longer when you constantly feel his eyes on you. It's awkward when you both have to stand side by side on the stage when giving speeches and almost face to face from the opposite sides of stage during the entire ceremony.
You really wanted to leave as soon as the reception event started but you didn't want to upset them, they've been supportive specially Juhyun and it would have been wrong to not be entirely present during her and Joshua's big day.
Jun hesitates a lot about approaching you. He doesn't want to evade your personal space knowing he could be the reason you could leave the venue any moment.
"Just don't say something which would make us throw hands at you.", Jihoon says before giving him a hard push.
He almost stumbles upon and finds himself in front of you.
"Do you think there's a chance of reconciliation?", Seungkwan asks hopefully.
"I don't know if it would do them any good but they're both suffering so whatever makes them happy.", Jihoon answers.
"Are you okay?", you ask in concern, it comes out so easily, as a habit.
Jun clears his throat and nods before meeting your eyes, "It's nice to see you again. You're looking beautiful."
You smile genuinely at him, "You too clean up nice. You've grown your hair, it's suiting you."
It isn't as hard as you've imagined it to be. While being with the entire group, you actively participate in the conversations and don't cower away when talking to Jun. Everyone is relieved at your cheary persona, you are proud of yourself.
The night grows and you appreciate that even though you haven't drawn a prominent boundary but Jun is respecting it by trying not to engage or overbear you with his presence.
But his eyes, they don't leave you. He's not sure when he'll get to see again, so he's memorizing you, your voice, your scent, your features.
It's time to leave and Seungkwan ushers you into his car. You take the passenger's seat while he goes off to bid farewell to the rest.
You're scrolling through your phone when someone takes the driver's seat and you raise your head expecting it to be Seungkwan only to see Jun.
Seungkwan settles behind, rather lays down on the backseat.
"He claims he's tipsy, so he can't drive.", Jun answers before you could even ask.
There's an awkward silence looming over and Jun decides to break it.
"Yang loved your gift, he cried upon recieving it.", he says a soft smile gracing on his lips.
You nod, mirroring his smile, "How is everyone?"
"They're all fine. They miss you.", he says.
But I miss you the most. Do you hate me?
"How's your work going on? Did you submit your proposal?", he asks sweeping a glance on you.
"About that..", your twiddle with your fingers, "I submitted it and it went through."
His eyes widen, a big smile now etched on his face, "Congratulations! Oh my god, I'm so proud of you bab-- Y/N."
"Thanks.", your smile not reaching your eyes, "To get started on that, I need to work from Australia for two years. I have a choice to extend my stay as per my like and I'm leaving in the next two months."
His face falls instantly. Seungkwan suppresses his urge to scream and goes back to pretend like he's sleeping.
"Do you want to go?", Jun asks trying his best to keep his eyes on the road.
"I don't know.", you admit, "Leaving this place would be difficult but I think it would be a good change for me. It's not like I'm gone forever."
The rest of ride goes silent.
"Thanks", you say before sliding out of the car when he drops you in front of your apartment building.
As you walk away he calls out your name and you turn to see him running towards you.
"If you need anything, any help, just call me.", he pleads, "I know I'm probably someone you'd never want to see again but please do contact me."
You look at him bewildered before nodding, "Okay, I can't promise anything but I will keep that in mind."
As he watches your diminishing figure in plain sight, tear start to stream down his face.
Maybe it's just a wistful thinking, probably mindless dreaming but if love finds you two again, he swears he'd love you right.
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Now I want to spend the early morning among the lotuses
