Non Fandom Writing - Tumblr Posts

“Luke. Luke. Honey. I understand you need to hoard things and the pet name is adorable. But I draw the line at wearing a dress.”

“BUT YOU’RE MY PRINCESS.”

“It doesn’t even go with the shoes Luke!”

“GOLD GOES WITH EVERYTHING MARCUS!”

Okay but dragon/shapeshifter AUs are always the best to write. Just imagine:

• “I kinda forgot that I had a tail but that vase was kinda really hideous bUT IF YOU LIKED IT SO MUCH WE CAN GET A NEW ONE IM SOrry please don’t cry.”

• “I sneezed an almost burnt the house down but it’s fine and- oH GOD HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE FOR EYEBROWS TO GROW BAck.”

• “yeah, no I’m like 80% sure I won’t lay eggs”

• “no I will not come to the con so we can be the best cosplayers there…. oKAY FINE BUT STOP WITH THE PUPPY EYES.”

• “okay so it turns out I can lay eggs.”

• cliCHE ROMANTIC FLIGHTS AT NIGHT AND WATCHING THE SUNSET/SUNRISE AT THE TOPS OF BUILDINGS

• person A going to the basement for something and finding person B hoarding gold and shiny things

• person B adding person A to their hoard

• person B calling person A “their princess”

• THE CUTENESS BASICALLY

• PLEAs E start wrITING THUS

• I will liTERWLLY LOVE YOU FOREVER

“okay so I looked it up and you actually do have to place it right in the fire.”

“I swear to God I just heard it purring. It sounded like a cat.”

“The sword is about 500 yrs old. Used to kill this one fire demon, can’t spell it but he killed a bunch of people. Enchanted by the twelve mages of Cresterfell or something like that and turned invincible by the demon’s blood. Really good for scaring the neighbors.”

“...This is like the seventh set of runes I’ve had to do for you. Are you really that forgetful?” “Yes and I lose alot of stuff. Now this time, I need it for my wallet.”

“This is gonna be so coo-OH FUCK WE FUCKED UP SHIT SHIT SHIT.” “FOR THE VINE!”

“Make sure my scales look good!” “Hold on, I want to brush my hair first, kind of knotted from...Well, you know.” “Are my fangs clean? I think there might still be a little fish in them.” “Guys you’re fine! Can we just take the damn selfie?!”

“Well ma’am, you see, normally we would just fix this sort of thing at home instead of coming all the way to the hospital. But um...I don’t know how to change my friend back.” *friend angrily clucks as chicken* *witch nurse tries very hard not to smack two stupid teenagers for angering a wizard with prank calls*

i want realistic modern fantasy like

someone finding a dragon egg and livetweeting the process of trying to hatch it (with no prior knowledge on how a dragon egg should be hatched)

a guy selling an enchanted sword on craigslist

a tattoo artist who does spell runes but for really mundane stuff like conjuring a bound demonic pen or for summoning your keys

summoning a demon for the vine

selfies with mermaids

prank calling wizards

Okay but this makes me think of a scenario where the daughter of this big bad demon hunter becomes best friends with this absolutely stunning demon who goes by Zach. And she had no clue her dad was a demon hunter. He keeps all the really obvious looking demon horns hidden in his study and the not so obvious ones are hung up in the parlor, looking like deer antlers. And one day the daughter, let’s call her Sarah, brings Zach to her house to meet her parents cause they’re besties and she really wants them to meet him. And she leaves him in the parlor to get her mom and dad but while she’s gone he sees the horns, recognizes they’re horns and not deer antlers, and then everything goes to hell.

“Listen children, I’m not going to lie to you, as so many people have lied to you. Those things you hear outside in the night, scratching against your window and in somewhere far off in the woods, they are monsters. Big and scary with teeth begging for your flesh and blood. I’m not going to lie to you. They will get in one day. They will get into your homes and into your rooms. They will look at you one day and you will know that they plan on killing you. The day that happens, you will have to be quick and strong and very smart. I promised you I wasn’t going to lie to you and now I’m going to promise you something else. To help you become quick and strong and very smart. Because children....the monsters are coming.”

prompt 626

Take a minute to clear your head. Then set a timer for ten minutes. Start with the phrase “Listen, children …”  Write whatever comes into your head until the timer goes off.

Tyra looked down at her plate and sucked the inside of her cheek between her teeth. For a moment she just stared down and he let her, face impassive for the moment while he waited for her reaction. “How did she find out?” She asked, finally looking up.

The man smirked and Tyra wished she could hit him for the smugness radiating off of him. “You slipped up, Tyra. You told one too many stories, she got suspicious. Mentioned it to someone right near one of our men. It didn’t take much to find you after that.” He told her, always one to gloat.

“You’re not taking me back, Clove.” She growled at him and several people turned in surprise, the beginnings of fear evident in their eyes.

“You think you have a choice?” Clove asked, glaring.

Tyra’s eyes slowly started to glow yellow. Red scales, so dark they were almost black, started to appear on her skin along with deep cracks filled with some burning bright red liquid that looked like lava. Someone in the restaurant screamed. “You think you’ll get out of here alive?” The now monstrous girl questioned the man across from her. Long wings erupted from her back and everyone watched in horror as the beast launched herself at the man.

prompt 624

You’re supposed to meet a friend for dinner, but she doesn’t show up. You wait for half an hour. Then a man sits down at your table. He knows who you are.

But imagine the story possibilities.

Like this adventurer finds this really boss ass sword in like an abandoned city or town or something and is just all like “holy fucking shit, this is so cool, I always wanted a sword like this!” And they pick it up and the big ass freaking gem on the front starts glowing and suddenly a ghost is in front of them and they’re just all like “yes, yes, very fucking cool but I haven’t waited centuries in a pile of rubble for you to make comments about me” (because by this point the person is like pretty much just the sword, they don’t remember what it was like to have a real body and ghost body doesn’t count just yet cause it takes another soul powering them for them to be able to show up). And this guy who just wanted an awesome freaking sword to go on adventures with ends up having a ghost companion that won’t shut the hell up about him going and killing that magical immortal guy that killed the gem/sword ghost. Like he’s invading a castle or something and the sword’s/gem’s ghost is all like “oh yes, very impressive, nice thrust there but when are you gOING TO AVENGE MY DEATH. I HAVE WAITED CENTURIES!!!” “YOU SAID IT’S ONLY BEEN LIKE EIGHTY YEARS. SHUT THE FUCK UP GAVIN OR I’LL THROW YOU IN THE FUCKING OCEAN. YOU ALMOST JUST GOT ME KILLED.”

when i die i want that cool thing done where they take your ashes and pressurise them enough to turn them into a precious gem. i then want that gem forged into a swords hilt so my heir can avenge me because im not dying unless im killed i can assure you

“Most selfless things are done for selfish reasons.”

“That doesn’t make any sense.”

“Yes it does. You could sacrifice yourself to save a city but really only want to save that one old lady living on the corner who bakes you cookies.”

“How could you do something so selfless for such a selfish reason?”

I can totally imagine the mermaids that would live here though.

At first there was only one. She’s small to fit through the hallways of her home better. Her skin and scales change colors to match what’s around her, hiding her from those above. She sings sweetly, eeriely, to lure her victims into the tight places where they’ll get stuck. And then they see her rise from the sand or peel from the rock and they scream but who can hear you beneath the water?

Others came later, through the caves on the far side of the lake, the ones that feed into the deep parts of the river that filters new water into the lake. One is so dark there’s no seeing her in the water. Another is large and likes to sit at the bottom, letting herself be mistaken as a big rock so that when the humans above race to see who can touch her first, she can catch them unawares. There’s one from the river who buries herself in the muddy shallows and drags her victims down into darker depths the second they step in. They are sisters with gleaming fangs and claws for ripping apart fish and men.

This is where I’d live if i was a mermaid

“Um excuse me? Half decent? I am the best fucking demon in the business you ungrateful-”

“Tome, I meant moral wise. And personality wise but I’ve changed my mine....asshole.”

Prompt #248

Who needs a guardian angel when you can have a half-decent demon?

Gary gave his friend a very dry look. “Robert. We never grew out of that. Or do you not see the jail cell we’re in?” He asked.

“Yes, I see it Gary.” Robert rolled his eyes. “You completely missed my point, Gar. I was trying to reminisce.”

“Remember when we were young, breaking every rule we came across?”

Mal looked up at him in surprise. What had prompted this?

“The day I was created, they were trying to make something...better than me. I was a mistake, a failure, and yet.” He paused and Mal felt her entire chest ache at the look that appeared on his face. “They acted like I had potential. They didn’t want to admit that they’d messed up. They said one day my true powers would come through and I’d do ‘great things.’”He let out a sad little laugh and Mal stood up, trying to go to him. But he turned away, making it clear he didn’t want the hand she was outstretching to touch him. “They were wrong. I’m not gonna become anything.”

“My existence was never supposed to happen.”

She’d begged them not to do it. She’d begged them to spare her, to simply abandon her on some island. She could survive that. Someone would pick her up, less superstitious sailors who wouldn’t mind a woman on board. Who wouldn’t tie her legs together and to a cannon ball and throw her overboard because of a string of bad luck. But they hadn’t listened. And now she was sinking.

Sinking.

Sinking.

Panic. Pressure. Crushing down on her, pushing her down even quicker. Salt stinging her eyes and her nose and rushing down her throat as she screamed in desperation for air. She couldn’t even see her legs, desperately trying to kick apart and save her from this fate. This couldn’t be happening. This couldn’t be happening! Help. She needed help. Please! Please!

Something closed around her wrist. Fingers. Fingers, there were fingers. And...And another hand. On her forearm. Fingers. More fingers. What...

She remembered a story. She could barely think, her lungs were full of water and her eyes were...were they shut? But she remembered a story. Of women thrown overboard who’d survived. Of fish-tailed monsters from the deep with voices that lured men to their deaths. All she had to do was ask and she’d survive. She just had to ask...

Her lungs cleared and she gasped, dragging in water that still stung but no longer killed. The weight dragging her down dropped away and suddenly she rushed up, one powerful kick sending her upwards. But...But it wasn’t a kick. She didn’t use both legs. She didn’t...She didn’t have two legs. She couldn’t feel them anymore. And as she looked down, as suddenly the blackness around her cleared to something she could see through, she felt the air she was no longer breathing get knocked from her lungs.

There was a tail there. Long and sleek and covered with scales. Fish-tailed monsters...

The fingers grasping her loosened, moved. Hands grasped at her waist, adding emphasis to where her skin now transitioned into scale. A slight pressure appeared at her back and she felt something brush against her ear. A voice filtered through the water, muffled and other worldly and beautiful.

We’ll make them pay sister. Them and all the others.

I want someone to write a book where Mermaids are the women thrown off ships when the sailors got afraid because having a woman on the boat is bad luck. And as they sink to the bottom legs tied together they change slowly until they can breath, until they can use their tied up legs to swim. And they drown sailors in revenge, luring them in by singing in their husky voices still stinging from the salt water they breathed. 

“Like what?”

“Like, always having exact change on me. Never losing my keys. Always being able to find something really good on TV.”

“...Dude. You’re a fucking genius.”

“Funnily enough, I wasted all my wishes on really mundane things.”