Naruto Angst - Tumblr Posts

Hellooo hon can i request pls? Can u write for tobirama a one shot where he rejects his s/o but then he sees her with another guy in the village often and starts to realize about hia feelings but its late bc she is marrying this other guy? I need some angst hahahah. Its ok if you don't want to write it! Thank you 😘

A/N: Hello anon, thank you for the request! Here's some Tobirama angst. It made me sad to write this but here we are. The things we do for angst. Hope you enjoy.

Warnings: none. Just pure sadness.

Words: Around 1.475

' The Fire Which Didn't Burn '

-"No. I do not love you."

Those words echoed in your mind days after his initial rejection. Over and over again until it was all you could think about. It stung your heart each time you repeated the sentence. The never ending feeling that it was something you did wrong wrecked your mind, it made work harder and rest scarce for a while. You didn't understand. You were sure he felt at least some semblance of love for you, in the end you were the one he truly did let in his company. One he could rely on for anything that he may need. Or did you read the signs that wrong? At that point it wouldn't be a surprise if it was all for business sake, seeing as you both worked together on making the village prosper and bloom.

But that was almost an whole year ago. Even more. Since then you have moved on from the heart ache. Although a few select close friends knew of your pain, you never indulged them with your gloomy moods that came and went. It was a tendency you seemed to pick up from the younger Senju and the years you spent at his side. Not letting anyone really in. Only letting them scratch the surface of it, to know enough to leave you be.

It has been a whole year since the last time Tobirama had spent proper time with you, a whole year since you both sat down to unwind and discuss things amicably. At the confession of your feelings for him he was rather cold, cooly brushing you off and trying to get back into his work. He didn't feel like it was such a big deal then, he believed that it didn't matter as long as you both still remained a good bond. But he was proven wrong. You recoiled from his reach and even disappeared from his sight. His ears seldomly heard of you anymore. It was as if you disappeared from the village all together. Even if he saw traces of your work, your signatures and reports. It was all superficial.

At first this didn't bother Tobirama much, even if he was initially worried about your lack of communication with him. The man was simply so drowned in his work to take some kind of action, to do anything to smooth things over with you again. On certain days, when work was lesser, he would indulge himself in things he did with you once. Only then feeling the effects, the weight on his shoulders due to your absence. There was no more of your reasoning voice, no more laughter, no more endless teasing when the two of you were alone, no more long nights where the two of you shared your worries and even fears. There was none of it. Only distant memories.

As stubborn as he was, he would finally come to terms that he, in the very least, missed you greatly. That he should've done something sooner. Now he felt embarrassed to even try after so long had already passed.

Tobirama had recently started to seek out information about you. Head full of things, horrible things. Were you alright now? Have you moved on?

As it turns out, yes you were alright and yes...you have moved on. You were still working as a ninja, so how you managed to keep out of his sight so much and for so long surprised the silver haired Senju. And when word reached him that you were getting married soon. He was...he didn't know how to feel, actually. You had found another man to love and share your burdens and future with. He had spotted the pair of you once in the village, walking peacefully side by side. Hand and fingers entwined together. You pressing into his side once to give him a quick hug. Him smiling down at you, a genuine, earnest smile which you reflected back just the same. It made Tobirama ill. A deep, gut wrenching feeling over took him so much that he wanted to bolt. As unlikely as that was for him.

Perhaps this was karma. You were his most trusted friend. You understood him at best and at worst times, and you dealt with him when he was being difficult. You were with him at his side even when his brother got fed up with his arrogance. The amount of times you sat at the stairs on his porch, waiting for him to cool off were countless; even your company alone was salve enough. And not to even mention your beauty, you were the rare one that really caught Tobirama's eye, like no other woman has before. And yet, he pushed you away. Perhaps this was his punishment. The maker gave him a chance, a chance to be happy and content and have someone with him and he let it fall and shatter to the floor. Tobirama could only scowl, and he found himself in a sour mood ever since.

He wouldn't admit it but his heart was aching. Was this how you too felt?

-"Tobirama!"

You exclaimed. Shock written all over your features, the basket of fruit, fish and vegetables hooked onto your elbow. Neither of you knew what to say at first. Tobirama was just as shocked as you, regretting not using his sensory abilities to sense you and turn in another direction. Now that you two ran into each other his tongue felt dry.

Your breath stopped in your throat as you searched his eyes, his face for anything that could indicate some sort of reaction. Yet the only thing you found in his scarlet gaze was yearning, and then emptiness once he collected his racing thoughts.

"Y/N. It.. it has been a while."

He spoke, clearing his throat while his heart felt as if it was going to burst out of his chest. The clothes he wore suddenly felt suffocating and scolding. A tangible tension grew between the two of you.

"Yes. It has been...How have you been doing? I surely hope you are getting some proper rest, I heard there was quite a scuffle recently."

Trying to keep the conversation average failed. A frown became prominent on his lips as he only nodded, in a almost mechanical fashion, but didn't respond to the question. You caught his gaze flickering, only for a second, down to your ring finger. Where the silver ring was. A small gem held on the top of it. And you understood, in a way.

"Oh..."

A wind breezed past the two of you, but it didn't feel comforting. It felt chilling and hot and dry all at the same time, like raking hands that clung to the both of you. If you were paying just a little more attention to the Senju, you would've seen the sadness collect in his eyes. Even if his face remained cold and unreadable. His eyes gave it all away.

The conversation ended rather awkwardly with both of you wishing each other well and saying your goodbyes. So many things were left unsaid then. It wouldn't take Tobirama long after that quick encounter to really admit it to himself that he has grown feelings for you, that he was in love. Realizing a year too late. A year he wished he could get back so he could be with you instead of that man. A year that could make it all better, for the both of you. But no matter how many sleepless nights he had, no matter how much he wished and even prayed, he couldn't take your happiness away. He couldn't even dare do such a thing, couldn't dream of it.

Sometimes you would even worm your way in his dreams, his mind visualizing a future he knew he couldn't have. A happy one with you at his side, in a house different from the one he was in now, with enough space for the both of you and even another addition. No matter how much he dreaded those dreams, he let himself drown in the comforts of them even if for a moment. Letting himself experience what could have been. The phantom touches and plush kisses that soon turned to dust in his mouth when he woke. The image of you still dancing vividly in front of his sleep hazed eyes.

Other times he even found himself crying in those dreams, angry, bitter and regretful tears. Clinging onto you in his dreams, pleading to not wake up yet to make it all better. It pained him. That he couldn't have you anymore. You were now married to someone, and that someone wasn't him.

Tobirama saw how happy you were, genuinely. And he wasn't going to take it away just because of his own mistakes.

Now it was his turn to share the pain you went through. He accepted it all. It was now his responsibility. His mistakes.

- | Afterlife

Warnings: angst, description of gore, talks about death, character death.

Song recommendations: Her & the Sea - The Clann

Word count: 1,945

Characters: Kaliyah Sen-Ryokō, Ginjiro, mentioned/implied Tobirama?

"What happens after we die?"

The question made the silver beast stirr from his half-sleep, his large emerald eyes opening to stare at the back of his master. She sat closer to the edge of the great mountain cliff, a giant towering over all others. The sun was still high in the heavens and the wind was ever present, eternal on the mountain peaks. Leaves rustled in it, brushing against each other and creating a symphony of nature along with the little songbirds who sat scattered across the treetops. Waves crashed against the nearby shore below, the sight going on for miles and miles with nothing but vastness of blue. Specs of white dotted the sky, fluffy and shifting with the currents of wind.

"What brings this question forth all of a sudden?" Ginjiro asked in turn, silence following his question for a moment before pushing his head and body forward in the slightest, dragging across the lush grass until his head sat beside her. Kaliyah sat quiet, watching the sea move, waves lapping at the shore. Her lips moved into a thin line, her throat bobbed up and down as she swallowed. Ginjiro's eye went over her features, and she seemed to shrink under his gaze. Her eyes were glossy and watery all of a sudden but her expression remained cold and unmoving.

"I don't know.. it just appeared in my mind. Along with that "prophecy" of the Old Nan." she finally answered, her voice as stable as it could be although it wouldn't take Ginjiro a moment longer to understand that this was bothering her for a long time, much longer than what she was letting on now. Deep within his chest he could feel the phantom sting of pain, anxiety in gut and lungs that she was feeling.

"Prophecy?" He opted to ask; he didn't remember her mentioning any prophecies of her.

" I never mentioned it to you.. She said... 'Water will destroy you' " said Kaliyah after a long moment of silence. Her eyes still remained on the far horizon, knowing if she even dared to look at Ginjiro that the feeling in her chest would seize her whole.

"I know I shouldn't believe in it, Old Nan gave many so-called prophecies and none of them ever came true but this… this one is harder not to believe." She continued, chest heaving in silent and forceful breaths. Lifting her head up she hoped for the fresh air to soothe her nerves.

Ginjiro retorted to look forward towards the sea too, removing the tension of his gaze.

"You were always an amazing swimmer, you're like a fish, I'm not sure how that prophecy would ever apply to you" said the beast calmly, his great and slim whiskers moving as he spoke, flowing. She has always seemed to love the water, to swim and dive and retreat many shells and pretty rocks. His hiding cave was filled with them, all of various sizes and colors. At his words Kaliyah shook her head, shamefully.

"And all I can think of is how many times the water almost took me; and I may be a good swimmer but unlike fish I can not breathe under water. The waves are always too strong, the currents too quick and the many times they almost took me for themselves I…" she trailed off. More and more of her fears started to surface.

The beast beside her opened its mouth to speak, only to be cut short by the girl again- "It's not death itself that frightens me."

That went back to her question, he noted.

"I am not scared of the pain either, the pain is the least of my worries, Ginjiro. What scares me is what comes after that. Is it darkness that awaits me? An eternal hell of raging oceans that keep drowning me? Which I can't escape from. Will I ever see the ones I love again? Or will I just... disappear?" It was getting harder to breathe, yet she forced herself not to shed any tears. Her chest began to quickly rise and fall with labored breaths, her hands tightening their hold around her legs, knuckles turning white and trembling. The view of the sea was no longer clear but blurry instead, dancing with her unshed tears that kept building up.

"You… are too good to keep suffering in death, my little one." Ginjiro said reluctantly, for even he wouldn't be able to answer such questions, nothing was certain about that inevitable fate.

"I hear many talk about the Pure Lands. And there, there is no suffering, no raging fires or oceans and certainly no darkness." He kept going only to see Kaliyah crumble furthermore. The sight immediately silenced him,more concern sprouting within him; he had never before seen her like this. Not even when she came desperate for his aid.

Big tears ran down her cheeks as she finally succumbed to the feelings that were eating her inside out like a beast. Her legs went to tuck themselves beneath her as she bent forward until her forehead touched the ground, her hands covering her face as she wept. Blades of grass poked at her neck and arms. Ginjiro was swift to lift himself from the ground, pained expression painting his draconic features. He grumbled quietly as he came to lay his large body between her and the sea. Casting a large shadow to befall on the girl. His wing came to come over her, in the form of a hug; shielding her away from the offending sights and the stares of trees, birds and the sun. All fell quiet suddenly, only the whistling of wind remained.

"Shhh now.. shhh.. don't you cry." Ginjiro was at a loss for words once again. And it was believed he was wise, he knew the answer to many questions and riddles but not to this. This was way out of his reach, and it pained him further that he couldn't bring any comfort to the one that grew so close to him.

" I- I don't want to forget anyone after death! I want to see everyone, I want to reunite with the ones I love; another life would be a blessing to me as long as I don't get to sit in darkness." she spoke through numerous gasps for air and hiccups, her throat closing on itself. It sounded as if she was angry at the world for this mystery. Ginjiro wrapped himself around her completely, as much as his flexibility would allow him. Now she was pressed against his belly, right beneath his shoulder while his maw nudged her carefully in affection. One of his whiskers came to drag across her arms and hands. Small noises came from him, rumbling through his throat. A noise that could easily be compared to a cat's purr, only softer. Like a turning of many wooden wheels behind layers of thick walls and even more soft cottons. It was distant and warm like a blazing hearth. Crackling of fire that brewed.

She continued to weep, watering the grass with her tears while her hands remained clamped over her eyes and face. A desperate attempt to shield her sorrows, something she found weak, shameful. Everything felt out of place, forced against her.

"I don't want- to die." came a small voice, Kaliyah's voice. A stark comparison to her usually stoic tone, a commanders voice. No- this was the voice of a girl ashamed of her fears, scared and paranoid of most things around her, scared of the future and scared of her own mind and doings. Ginjiro nudged her head again, her whole body too, to get her attention, to try and get her to look up.

"You will not die Kaliyah." he said.

And at mentioned of her name she seemed to recollect just the smallest bit of courage. She looked up, her weeping ceasing for only a moment. His eye shone like fragments of emeralds exposed to the sun, even under the umbrella of his wings. It was dark, only small bit of light came into the tent that was his body.

"Not for many more years to come." Her eyes widened, staring at his narrowed eye, brows furrowing in confusion. What the beast said was a promise. "And certainly not from something as silly as water" he finished.

-"I would sacrifice my last breath to give you one more. I'd give up the world so you may remain whole.. so worry not, little one. An infinity of such pain is nothing compared to the mere thought of losing you-"

Now as she watched blood trickle down his scales as she repeated the same words, she cried even more than she did that day. Screaming at the world and at it's cruelty. She wished she could give him the life he had promised her, wished she could take away the pain and the wounds. He had kept the promise.

It was the only thing that was shared equally in the world and that thing is unfairness. She wished she could go back to those cliffs and stay with Ginjiro forever, overlooking the world from the enormous heights.

Blood coated her clothes, tattered and dirtied, it matted down her hair and his silver mane. She stood in his blood and her own. More rivulets sprang forth and ran down her body from her own wounds. Still, she forced herself to stand, to go to Ginjiro and be beside him. None of the pain could compare to the one in her heart. She would rather face a thousand of swords all over again, she would face those raging oceans and empty darkness for an infinity of time rather than be here now. Here where Ginjiro lied dead and she kept on trying to move him, fisting his long mane in her hand.

All the power in his last breath went to pouring all his life energy into her, and the stone that hung around her neck. One they both created. Blood had stopped circulating in his system minutes ago, yet she couldn't bring herself to accept it. She wouldn't. Despite all the proof, she wanted to believe he would live. Even with his hollow wounds gaping at her from his chest and wing; wind whistling through them. His giant wing stood above her, shielding her from the sky. The contents of his insides were spilled across the ground outside the village grounds. The great walls looming in the distance, while the surrounding woods remained silent in sympathy. Moments ago his blood was steaming hot, pouring like waterfalls from a hot spring. Now, his body lost its fiery heat. Many wounds littered his body, painting a print of a tiger on his body in red.

The soil was soaked with his blood, so much so that the earth couldn't accept more, leaving a large puddle behind. Crimson puddles swirled with the dust and dirt. And a stray leaf went to fall into it, dancing with the current the wind created. With all her might she tried to shake the beast's head to get him to wake, he was so much larger than those years ago, so much heavier. His eyes stared at the sky overhead, stars looking at themselves in his dilated pupil like a mirror.

Darkness started to dot in her eyes, vision dancing with tears. It all tunneled until all she could see was the dull green eye. And for a moment she could swear she saw it move, all color return to it as it lazily blinked at her before the ground disappeared under her feet and hands seized her shoulders

___________________

-My Ao3

- | Afterlife

Warnings: angst, description of gore, talks about death, character death.

Song recommendations: Her & the Sea - The Clann

Word count: 1,945

Characters: Kaliyah Sen-Ryokō, Ginjiro, mentioned/implied Tobirama?

"What happens after we die?"

The question made the silver beast stirr from his half-sleep, his large emerald eyes opening to stare at the back of his master. She sat closer to the edge of the great mountain cliff, a giant towering over all others. The sun was still high in the heavens and the wind was ever present, eternal on the mountain peaks. Leaves rustled in it, brushing against each other and creating a symphony of nature along with the little songbirds who sat scattered across the treetops. Waves crashed against the nearby shore below, the sight going on for miles and miles with nothing but vastness of blue. Specs of white dotted the sky, fluffy and shifting with the currents of wind.

"What brings this question forth all of a sudden?" Ginjiro asked in turn, silence following his question for a moment before pushing his head and body forward in the slightest, dragging across the lush grass until his head sat beside her. Kaliyah sat quiet, watching the sea move, waves lapping at the shore. Her lips moved into a thin line, her throat bobbed up and down as she swallowed. Ginjiro's eye went over her features, and she seemed to shrink under his gaze. Her eyes were glossy and watery all of a sudden but her expression remained cold and unmoving.

"I don't know.. it just appeared in my mind. Along with that "prophecy" of the Old Nan." she finally answered, her voice as stable as it could be although it wouldn't take Ginjiro a moment longer to understand that this was bothering her for a long time, much longer than what she was letting on now. Deep within his chest he could feel the phantom sting of pain, anxiety in gut and lungs that she was feeling.

"Prophecy?" He opted to ask; he didn't remember her mentioning any prophecies of her.

" I never mentioned it to you.. She said... 'Water will destroy you' " said Kaliyah after a long moment of silence. Her eyes still remained on the far horizon, knowing if she even dared to look at Ginjiro that the feeling in her chest would seize her whole.

"I know I shouldn't believe in it, Old Nan gave many so-called prophecies and none of them ever came true but this… this one is harder not to believe." She continued, chest heaving in silent and forceful breaths. Lifting her head up she hoped for the fresh air to soothe her nerves.

Ginjiro retorted to look forward towards the sea too, removing the tension of his gaze.

"You were always an amazing swimmer, you're like a fish, I'm not sure how that prophecy would ever apply to you" said the beast calmly, his great and slim whiskers moving as he spoke, flowing. She has always seemed to love the water, to swim and dive and retreat many shells and pretty rocks. His hiding cave was filled with them, all of various sizes and colors. At his words Kaliyah shook her head, shamefully.

"And all I can think of is how many times the water almost took me; and I may be a good swimmer but unlike fish I can not breathe under water. The waves are always too strong, the currents too quick and the many times they almost took me for themselves I…" she trailed off. More and more of her fears started to surface.

The beast beside her opened its mouth to speak, only to be cut short by the girl again- "It's not death itself that frightens me."

That went back to her question, he noted.

"I am not scared of the pain either, the pain is the least of my worries, Ginjiro. What scares me is what comes after that. Is it darkness that awaits me? An eternal hell of raging oceans that keep drowning me? Which I can't escape from. Will I ever see the ones I love again? Or will I just... disappear?" It was getting harder to breathe, yet she forced herself not to shed any tears. Her chest began to quickly rise and fall with labored breaths, her hands tightening their hold around her legs, knuckles turning white and trembling. The view of the sea was no longer clear but blurry instead, dancing with her unshed tears that kept building up.

"You… are too good to keep suffering in death, my little one." Ginjiro said reluctantly, for even he wouldn't be able to answer such questions, nothing was certain about that inevitable fate.

"I hear many talk about the Pure Lands. And there, there is no suffering, no raging fires or oceans and certainly no darkness." He kept going only to see Kaliyah crumble furthermore. The sight immediately silenced him,more concern sprouting within him; he had never before seen her like this. Not even when she came desperate for his aid.

Big tears ran down her cheeks as she finally succumbed to the feelings that were eating her inside out like a beast. Her legs went to tuck themselves beneath her as she bent forward until her forehead touched the ground, her hands covering her face as she wept. Blades of grass poked at her neck and arms. Ginjiro was swift to lift himself from the ground, pained expression painting his draconic features. He grumbled quietly as he came to lay his large body between her and the sea. Casting a large shadow to befall on the girl. His wing came to come over her, in the form of a hug; shielding her away from the offending sights and the stares of trees, birds and the sun. All fell quiet suddenly, only the whistling of wind remained.

"Shhh now.. shhh.. don't you cry." Ginjiro was at a loss for words once again. And it was believed he was wise, he knew the answer to many questions and riddles but not to this. This was way out of his reach, and it pained him further that he couldn't bring any comfort to the one that grew so close to him.

" I- I don't want to forget anyone after death! I want to see everyone, I want to reunite with the ones I love; another life would be a blessing to me as long as I don't get to sit in darkness." she spoke through numerous gasps for air and hiccups, her throat closing on itself. It sounded as if she was angry at the world for this mystery. Ginjiro wrapped himself around her completely, as much as his flexibility would allow him. Now she was pressed against his belly, right beneath his shoulder while his maw nudged her carefully in affection. One of his whiskers came to drag across her arms and hands. Small noises came from him, rumbling through his throat. A noise that could easily be compared to a cat's purr, only softer. Like a turning of many wooden wheels behind layers of thick walls and even more soft cottons. It was distant and warm like a blazing hearth. Crackling of fire that brewed.

She continued to weep, watering the grass with her tears while her hands remained clamped over her eyes and face. A desperate attempt to shield her sorrows, something she found weak, shameful. Everything felt out of place, forced against her.

"I don't want- to die." came a small voice, Kaliyah's voice. A stark comparison to her usually stoic tone, a commanders voice. No- this was the voice of a girl ashamed of her fears, scared and paranoid of most things around her, scared of the future and scared of her own mind and doings. Ginjiro nudged her head again, her whole body too, to get her attention, to try and get her to look up.

"You will not die Kaliyah." he said.

And at mentioned of her name she seemed to recollect just the smallest bit of courage. She looked up, her weeping ceasing for only a moment. His eye shone like fragments of emeralds exposed to the sun, even under the umbrella of his wings. It was dark, only small bit of light came into the tent that was his body.

"Not for many more years to come." Her eyes widened, staring at his narrowed eye, brows furrowing in confusion. What the beast said was a promise. "And certainly not from something as silly as water" he finished.

-"I would sacrifice my last breath to give you one more. I'd give up the world so you may remain whole.. so worry not, little one. An infinity of such pain is nothing compared to the mere thought of losing you-"

Now as she watched blood trickle down his scales as she repeated the same words, she cried even more than she did that day. Screaming at the world and at it's cruelty. She wished she could give him the life he had promised her, wished she could take away the pain and the wounds. He had kept the promise.

It was the only thing that was shared equally in the world and that thing is unfairness. She wished she could go back to those cliffs and stay with Ginjiro forever, overlooking the world from the enormous heights.

Blood coated her clothes, tattered and dirtied, it matted down her hair and his silver mane. She stood in his blood and her own. More rivulets sprang forth and ran down her body from her own wounds. Still, she forced herself to stand, to go to Ginjiro and be beside him. None of the pain could compare to the one in her heart. She would rather face a thousand of swords all over again, she would face those raging oceans and empty darkness for an infinity of time rather than be here now. Here where Ginjiro lied dead and she kept on trying to move him, fisting his long mane in her hand.

All the power in his last breath went to pouring all his life energy into her, and the stone that hung around her neck. One they both created. Blood had stopped circulating in his system minutes ago, yet she couldn't bring herself to accept it. She wouldn't. Despite all the proof, she wanted to believe he would live. Even with his hollow wounds gaping at her from his chest and wing; wind whistling through them. His giant wing stood above her, shielding her from the sky. The contents of his insides were spilled across the ground outside the village grounds. The great walls looming in the distance, while the surrounding woods remained silent in sympathy. Moments ago his blood was steaming hot, pouring like waterfalls from a hot spring. Now, his body lost its fiery heat. Many wounds littered his body, painting a print of a tiger on his body in red.

The soil was soaked with his blood, so much so that the earth couldn't accept more, leaving a large puddle behind. Crimson puddles swirled with the dust and dirt. And a stray leaf went to fall into it, dancing with the current the wind created. With all her might she tried to shake the beast's head to get him to wake, he was so much larger than those years ago, so much heavier. His eyes stared at the sky overhead, stars looking at themselves in his dilated pupil like a mirror.

Darkness started to dot in her eyes, vision dancing with tears. It all tunneled until all she could see was the dull green eye. And for a moment she could swear she saw it move, all color return to it as it lazily blinked at her before the ground disappeared under her feet and hands seized her shoulders

___________________

-My Ao3

Something about Naruto’s character has always made me so incredibly sad and horrified and I have no idea why. I don’t know if it’s due to his different treatment to both his parents, something about him immediately punching Minato the moment he realized that was his dad, that his father was the one to give him such a heavy burden, or something about him sobbing his little heart out and holding onto his mom the moment he met her. Like the little kid he was when he lost her (literally as a newborn) and the little kid he still was when he first properly met her.

Or maybe is something about how much he holds on to whoever doesn’t treat him badly. Even if he’s just being ignored, his sole existence not being acknowledged, he isn’t being treated like a filthy animal. Maybe not being treated badly was what Naruto thought love was. Maybe that’s why he’s always hold onto Sasuke. Because, in a way, they were one and the same, at least in Naruto’s eyes.

He doesn’t care for where does that love come from, or from who. As long as he’s not being hurt then Naruto is bound to think that that’s love. Because he grew up without it, so he doesn’t know how it should feel like.

Maybe it’s something about Naruto’s emotional dependency that has always made me so horrified and upset.

Death Bed

A/N: this fic took very long and it was at first inspired by the song death bed, but then it took another turn and it was inspired by a lot more sad songs. I just feel so bad for Kisa now T-T

4,3k - Kisame x reader, angst, post pragnancy, bby daughter Nami, mcd (major character death)

♡︎☾♥︎☾♡︎☾♥︎☾♡︎☾♥︎☾♡︎☾♥︎☾♡︎☾♥︎☾♡︎☾♥︎☾

Kisame’s cold shaking hand firmly held and tugged at your hand. Your blurry vision tried to make out what was happening. Where were you? The only thing your mind could make out was the bright cold lights that passed by you and that you were moving on something. Muffled voices rung in your ears, everything was spinning and then the warmth of the hand was gone causing you to panic.

“You’ll be ok, you’ll be-“

A broken voice sounded, but was muffled out again by what you assumed was a door clicking shut. It was hard to believe those words when the person they came from sounded like a kicked puppy - a small smile cracked on your lips by the thought of the person you loved so dearly and the fact that he was so concerned about your health. A slight pain pierced your right arm and not even 10 seconds after everything went black.

“Look at her - she is so beautiful, isn’t she?”

“And big, haha you mister make big babies that are hard to get out”

You couldn’t help but smile at the big man that rocked his daughter. Seeing him so soft and caring towards you and your child warmed your heart and made all the butterflies inside your body awaken over and over again.

Kisame softly put your daughter Nami in her small bed next to your big shared bed who was in a deep sleep. Your daughter always fell asleep in his arms and when he hummed to her with his deep voice. Your loving eyes settled on the small family you had built and your heart swelled up. Tears of joy prickled at your eyes and before Kisame could turn around to lay down next to you. You pulled yourself up and hugged him from behind. His head turned to look at you seeing the teary expression you wore causing him slightly to panic since he didn’t understand what happened. You simply kissed him with all the love and passion he had in your heart. Kisame kissed you back and let his hand dace up to your face softly cradling it. He slowly turned around so he could face you easier and deepened the kiss. Not long after you pulled away and pressed your forehead against his.

“Damn”
“I love you Kisame Hoshigaki”

“and I love you y/n”

The two of you slowly laid down on the bed. You felt a big arm effortlessly pull you closer and you nuzzled your head into his big chest. His soft look settling on you. Feelings of pride, love and happiness swelled in his chest. To be a father was the last thing he expected from life, but the best damn thing he got. This little family you two built, every time he thinks about it it makes his heart flutter with love and happiness, but deep down anxiousness too that this is too good to be true. Life always found a way to fuck it up and he was hoping with every fiber of his being that he could have this happiness, watch his daughter grow, watch you be a good mommy and grow old with you, holding you in his arms. Without even thinking he planted a kiss on your head. It became second nature to him to love and protect you and would do whatever it took to keep you safe and make you happy even if that meant burning the entire world down.

“I never want this to end”

The words rumbled through his chest and settled into your heart. Kisame felt the smile that formed on your lips against his skin and a small kiss right below his collar bone lingered.

“me nither”

Your eyes fluttered open, but deep exhaustion still settled in your body. You felt something wet between your legs and knew right away what it was. The pool of blood between your legs stained the pretty sheets. An annoyed huff came out of your chest - you knew that the first period after pregnancy was stronger, but you didn’t expect this much. After stretching you felt your body slowly awaken so you stood up and looked over to see your daughter, not in her bed - you knew she was with Kisame, but the motherly part of you paniced so you ran out of the room to search for her. A soft smile crept on your face when you saw Kisame with your daughter in the kitchen, your nerves slowly easing and fatigue took over your body. You found it a bit harder to breathe and were a bit dizzy, but figured that this is probably because you were exhausted - after all having a little devil wasn’t easy. Kisame looked over to you, he was about to say something with his usual cheeky smile when you took a step forward. The body that held you gave out. Your knees were too weak to hold you up and you felt how you plunged to the floor. Your mind slowly going dark only hearing Kisame’s panicked cries in the background.

A nervous tapping echoed through the empty hospital walls. Kisame slurped on another cup of cheap coffee trying not to ease his anxiety by smashing someone’s skull. The man’s mind was clouded by racing thoughts and all he could do is just sit there and wait - for a moment the doctors tried to deny him even that, but Kisame was quick to scare them into letting him stay there and wait. The tapping in the halls was heard at an even beat as he paced up and down the same track. Like a panther in a cage. Right now, being here so helpless, useless and trapped in the anxieties of his mind. A loud cry broke the steady beat of the tapping shoes and Kisame’s exhausted eyes looked over to the small human laying in the staller. Picking up his daughter he put her on his chest like usual and gently cradled her. The tiny warmth she left on his chest was almost soothing.

“It’s ok baby shark. Mommy will be ok- she will be ok”

A soft kiss on Nami’s head started slowly easing her cries, although Kisame didn’t know who he was comforting more with those words. Tiny tears prickled up at his face when he looked at the girl on his chest, focusing on every feature that resembled you. The feelings of destruction faded away and everything that was left was pure anxiety, sadness and fear - fear that his nightmare will come true. That this will end before it even started. He hugged his daughter firmly and stroked her small locks without noticing the tears that ran down his cheeks until one fell on Nami’s head. He prayed for the first time to whoever or whatever could hear him let this all end good, that life won’t take his sunshine away.

Click.

A screeching was heard from next to him and Kisame whipped his head around to see a doctor that went out of the ER. A tired look settled on the woman’s face, dark lines framing her eyes and a white coat hung off her slightly drooping shoulders. Kisame has seen such a look many times on Itachi, but seeing a doctor like this wasn’t comforting. About to open his mouth she quickly interrupted him knowing fully well what his question was.

“She has something called Postpartum Hemorrhage also known as PPH, it’s when a woman bleeds too much after she has given birth - it’s a rare condition, but a serious one”

A small jolt of anger ran through the man’s veins when the doctor interrupted him, but he just painted it on her having a heavy shift and being drained - which once again, didn’t ease his nerves. “But it’s been 5 weeks since Nami’s birth…”

The woman looked at the child in his hands that was once again asleep in his arms after being calmed by Kisame’s heartbeat cracking a smile and easing the woman in a softer look. “In some rare cases, it can happen up to 12 weeks after the pregnancy - y/n will have to stay here for a bit because she is an unusual case-‘“

“W-what do you mean by unusual?”

“She bled out a ton for one night as you told us, not only that, but I assume she has done some serious work in her past since she has a weak heart as I’ve seen on some athletes. We want to keep her here-“

“For how long?”
The doctor went silent, a sad, hopeless look settling on her face. “The lack of blood affected some of her inner organs like her… lunges - we do not know if she can be saved, but I can promise you sir that we will try our best. She will be in room 700 in 2 hours”

The air in the room became thicker and a pitiful look rested on the doctor’s face. Kisame couldn’t believe it - you were ok just a day ago…. and now, now it seemed to him like life itself was trying to rip you away from him and for the first time he couldn’t do anything to protect you. It was your own body against you and all he could do was sit there and watch - useless. helpless. hopeless. He wanted to scream, he wanted to punch that doctor's pitiful look off her face. Uncontrollable emotions whirled in the tall man’s chest blinding his vision with rage and want to destroy again to the point where he could feel his body shake and then again he felt a small movement on his chest and a tired yawn. His tense shoulders eased when his gaze settled in the small human in his arms. Deep breaths and big rises of his chest calmed his nerves a tiny bit knowing that right now he needed to be strong for his daughter. It was his duty as a father to give her a good life and he wasn’t about to start the little one's life with anger, rage, murder and blood - he wished that they could one day all three sit at a table when his baby is all grown up and laugh about this incident.

“Deep breaths Kisame. She’ll be ok, Just breathe.”

He was deep in thought, comforting and calming himself like you used to, not noticing that the woman in the long white coat had left. Time faded away, it didn’t go by fast nor slow, it was just another faded-out part in the background. He might’ve sat here for hours, minutes, seconds. It all blended in together and trapped him in this moment.

Should he fight for his daughter? Is there even a point in fighting if you’re gone? A tired roll of his eyes allowed him to see the clock on the other side through his eyelashes. All the numbers didn’t make sense in his mind, it was like rocket science at this moment - everything was. A small nod of approval twitched through his head as if he was trying to convince the potential ghosts in the empty hall that he understood the ticking device. Kisame carefully laid his daughter back in her stroller and started walking to room 700. The same tapping of shoes filled the space. Now everything blended together, everything was slightly spinning - was he even moving? He didn’t know and right now he didn’t really care too. His head only lifted to see the room numbers.

695, 696, 697, 698, 699,-

There he was standing in front of him the door. He hoped they already brought you here, but then again that would mean he sat down there for 2 hours maybe more without even realizing it. His large hand wrapped around the handle pushing the door open. You were there sleeping. Hooked up to machines, bags full of medicine and a heart monitor - it was a sight that made Kisame’s heart clench, twist and hurt. It was a nice hospital room. Three beds and three small tables all having 2 chairs each, in the back two big windows lit up the room. Yet, it was only you in it - maybe there weren’t a lot of people or maybe they were scared that he’d do something if they didn’t do the absolute most so you feel comfortable. The dragging of a chair bounced off the walls and your still arm was gently engulfed by Kisame’s. A few tears stained his face and his forehead rested on your hand wishing for you to get better. It just had to, right? The air in his lungs was burning and shaky. You just had to be ok. Slowly reassuring thoughts flowed in his brain that told them that his worry won’t make it better and he just needs to be strong and there for all three of you.

Again a doctor slipped past the door - the same woman as before. Her hair that was previously tied in a neat bun that now had a few strands that fell in front of her face and were altogether a bit lose perfectly adding to her tired face.

“Will she be ok? What will she need?”

As much as Kisame tried to conceal it worry dripped out of his mouth, his brows furrowing in concern without his knowledge. The woman took a deep breath. She wanted to look away or let someone else do this job because this was always the hardest part of her job right after telling someone their loved one has died.

“Her bleeding is very strong and it was hard for us to even stop it. We removed any rest of the placenta in her, but that didn’t work - so…” a weight settled in her voice until she took a deep breath and pulled her head back up that she didn’t even notice had fallen, looking professionally again “so we had to perform a hysterectomy”

“What does that mean?”

“We had to remove her uterus, but-“

“But what?!” Concern and panic bubbled in Kisame’s belly

“She-she might wake up or she might not and if she does we don’t know how long till…. She lost so much blood that some of her organs are failing. She is barely breathing. Best case, only 20% of her lunge can be saved, her heart is weak,…”

The rest of the doctor’s speech was blurred. It’s not like she didn’t know that, but it’s good to have said all this for the protocol. Soon she recognized it’s best to leave the man alone - he didn’t seem like someone that wants to cry on her shoulder, but rather cry alone with his lover. The only thing that snapped Kisame out of his state was the clicking of the door. He stood up ready to throw the chair he was sitting on in rage, but then he remembered you and his sweet child. Not in front of Nami. His shaking legs let him fall back on the chair and lean back. A heavy sigh pushed out of his chest and he fell forward gripping his hair in his hands. You had to get better….

A warm hand held your arm tightly. You heard the painful wheeze that came out of your throat together with the heavy breath that waved out of your nose and mouth. The realization you were alive settled slowly in your body with every new thing you felt.

The warmth on your hand. A small tugging at your arm. Pain in your chest. Pain in your head. Heaviness. Fatigue.

At last, your eyes fluttered open and you were slowly brought back to the world. You looked left. Then right. Now you noticed the muffled voices around you that slowly cleared. Time faded and you just existed. You theoretically felt, saw and heard everything, but nothing stayed with you - it’s like everything passed by you so fast you couldn’t even perceive what was happening, what was there or why all this happened. It went all by like a dream that you would only remember little blurry parts of. Then finally you were eased back to reality. You could look around and memories flooded you in your brief moment of confusion. Then your face settled on a worried braking voice. It was a bittersweet deep growl.

“K-Kisame?”

“Y/N, You- you are awake, I- you-“ The overwhelming river of emotions in his chest didn’t know if he should get a doctor, cry, hug you, kiss you - it was all just too much. As you still tried to remember and take in everything that is happening and has happened you felt the warmth get ripped away from your hand. An uneven beat echoed through the room and Kisame opened the door running to get a doctor. It didn’t take long before he was back with a doctor who followed him. Not waiting any longer the man sat beside you and took your hand again while pressing a soft kiss on top of your head. Soft words dripped out of his mouth calming you from everything that happened just now.

“Sir, I’ll have to ask Y/N a few questions to make sure of some things.”
Her voice was still very heavy. As if this was a sad movie she’s seen over and over again and this was the last ray of light before everything came crashing down. You gripped your man’s hand tighter a bit anxious from the woman’s reaction and he was almost angry at her hopeless face. He wanted her to be happy too, to say that everything will be ok, but that never happened. Papers with little check poxes rested in her left hand and the other held a pen. A deep breath filled her lungs and the doctor was about to ask her first question when you interrupted her. Your face looking the other way at a small staller.

“C-Can I hold her? Nami. Can I hold my daughter Nami?”

You didn’t understand why you were choking up as if some part of you told you to hold, love and protect her with your life no matter what. The strong emotion your eyes settled deep into Kisame’s and it pierced his chest to see you like this. His face looked up at the doctor and she just gave a small understanding nod. In a matter of seconds, your daughter's tiny body pressed against your arms as you held her. The heart in your chest was thumping and beating. Everything faded for a moment at it was just you two. Tears clouded your vision as emotions overtook your body. For a short moment, it was only you and your little girl before the woman next to you brought you back to the real world. You understood that she couldn’t wait long because she had other patients that needed to be taken care of.

“You ready for a few questions?”
”Yeah…”

It has been 2 months.

Exactly 3 weeks after the date doctors told you you have left. Part of you saw this as hope that maybe you could be saved, the other part wasn’t so sure and it made you live in fear every day. Never did life make you question whether or not you’ll live another day so much. Breathing became hard, everything hurt and even small movements became a burden and how much you were dependent on your lover right now ate at you. Kisame was the utmost sweetest person to take care of you. He was the one who not only helped you with everything, but was also there for you and made you forget the pain for short time. You knew he was hiding his true feelings. He never showed worry or fear, but you knew he felt them.

“You get to choose between sketchy hospital food one or sketchy hospital food two”

A small smile stretched across his face and pulled you out of your buzzing thoughts. A slight chuckle blew out of your mouth as your head turned to look at the man next to your bed.

“Let’s try sketchy food two today-“

A hard cough ripped past your throat almost cutting off your sentence. You felt the way Kisame tensed up next to you and his hand gripping yours tighter. The scratching in your throat reminding you again of the state you were in. A loud cry crashed at your ears and a small movement tickled at your arms making your heart clench a little. The mother in you activated and you started to rock the little baby in your arms and cooing sweet words to her. Your man’s head fell to rest on your shoulder drinking in the way you took care of your daughter. Even though your arms were weak, voice shaky and raspy that didn’t stop you from doing your best to calm Nami down and soon she cuddled up peacefully to you. You gently blew on her face, the soft wind tickled her skin making her laugh. That laugh made you and Kisame smile remembering the times you were cuddled up all together at home, playing with your daughter, hearing her joyful laugh and small hands wave around. The man next to you picked his head off your shoulder and looked at you with loving eyes.

“Would you like to go on a walk? All of us together?”

A smile stretched across your face and you nodded as two big arms scooped you up carefully watching out to not accidentally pull out the needle in your arm. Carefully Kisame put you in the wheelchair next to you as if you were made out of the world's thinnest glass and started to push you carefully through the hospital halls with your daughter in your arms to get you to the small grassy area in front of the hospital.

Some time had passed by. Another month flew by and the nice days where you could go on short walks with Kisame became history. Now you were laying in bed slowly dying and neither you nor Kisame were able to mask your sadness and anxiety well anymore. You were weak and even talking became a hard task. Everything hurt, it hurt so badly. The way your muscles aced, the way you couldn’t even hold your daughter anymore because you were too weak. You weren’t getting better and you wouldn’t get better so what’s the meaning of all this. A high-pitched tone rung in your ears and the muffled words of Kisame drowned in the void of your head. It became a mystery to you if Kisame was shaking you or still just gently holding your hand, but at this moment did it even matter? You couldn’t even think anymore as you felt yourself slipping away and your breathing getting slower and raspier. One thing. One thing crossed your mind and it mattered so you did everything for that last thing. You gathered all the energy left in your body.

“I’m sorry that this has to end so early. Take care of Nami…. I love you and I always will till the end of time.”

Everything in you broke down as you started to slip away into an endless slumber. Kisame's fearful eyes settled on you and his shaking voice barely got the words “No, don’t leave me”, “Please stay”, “I love you too”, “I’ll take care of her, but I can’t let you go” out. The world was crashing down on him. it might have been 30 seconds until a doctor came in, but to Kisame, it felt like years. His body was following his instincts and not his mind anymore and he stood there shakingly as he watched the doctors setting up CPR. Time dragged and flew by at the same time and everything he wanted is for you to be ok.

Why was luck never on his side?

Why couldn’t life let him be happy just this once?

Why? Why always him?

The people in white coats tried over and over again and he just had his eyes glued on the heart monitor to see a heartbeat come back. He wanted to get over there and do it himself, but he knew he didn’t have the knowlage or training to do so. Just stand there, that’s all he could do. Stand there and watch your face and the people around you trying their hardest to bring you back.

They tried and tried until one of the doctors said it was enough. The team of people stood there crushed in front of your figure. Some of the bit their lips, others felt pity for Kisame and Nami.

The sad, guilty expression of the doctors told Kisame everything as they stepped out of the room. The man threw himself on your corpse and stroked your hair away. Heavy tears burned his face and his chest was getting crushed by the pain of not feeling your heartbeat. A scream echoed through the halls. He didn’t want to believe it and tried reviving you himself, but nothing helped. You were already gone…. long gone.

Kisame let his head rest on your chest as he just cried into you, acid tears birning red lines around his eyes and down his face. He held your hand as tight as he could. The air filled his chest and left it in a fast and sloppy beat. Now he knew…

This world.

This world is a true hell.