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6lonedixon9-blog

1 year ago

A face only a mother could love

Tomorrow (today in European time) it would be 2 years since I lost one of my closest friends.

I’ll refer to him as X out of respect.

To me, a normal looking guy with hazel brown eyes and dark brown hair but to others he was often labeled as ugly.

I met him in high school, he would make a lot of funny jokes, he was very friendly and very creative.

He once opened up to me about his insecurity that he constantly got rejected because of the way he looked, to the point that he was questioning his sexuality but he still was a heterosexual guy who also had the wish to become a father and husband, after high school he went to university and was serious about it but that was also the time when I noticed his strange behavior when no one was around, he would talk to himself at times, looking at the ground all the time and just isolate himself if we were with more friends, he would claim that he enjoyed his own company but that we shouldn’t take it the wrong way.

Fast forward and one of our friends who got married, invited us all to meet his newborn babygirl, we were all present but X arrived a little later, when he arrived he had tears in his eyes but acted like nothing happened.

He held our friends daughter and was trying to fight his tears again, in my mind I knew that this was a dream of his, to hold his very own child and you could tell how much that moment meant to him.

When everyone left, me and another friend went to his car and checked up on him and that’s when he broke down and cried.

He explained that he met a woman who he talked to for about 4 months and how she had everything he was looking for, she claimed that she did not care about anyone’s physical appearance but ended up blocking him everywhere aswell just like many others did after finally knowing what he looked like, I will never forget that day because of how tight and hard he was hugging me and how much I love all of my friends, I always told him to reach out and to be safe and I was just a phone call away but he would just say yes to make me shut up lmao.

It was 2021 at the time and we were still processing Covid and the whole pandemic, X was going through it because he lost his mom (due to health problems, nothing to do with Covid).

After the funeral, he didn’t go to school anymore, he didn’t work anymore and he just stopped doing everything he liked, me and my friends, especially the ones who also lost a parent would always reach out to him and check up on him but he preferred to mourn on his own.

One day he invited me and our friends over to drink some tea in the city, he still had a hard time but he was doing a little better or that’s what he made us believe, he would explain that his love for his mother was deeper than anyone could understand since she emphasized that a good woman would always look at a good mans heart and not his looks, he always took great care of her when she was around but he felt guilt that he didn’t do enough and mentally it was consuming him.

Me and my friends got angry at all the women who never gave him a real chance, we were starting to generalize and being misogynistic at one point but he would explain that that hatred was pointless and how he still respected women and loved them as we all came from a woman, he used to work at a care center that helps single mothers and he said that he got disrespected all the time over there because his looks would intimidate them even when he wore a face mask.

September 26th, we (me and X’s mutual friends) received a short message at 5am on how he loved us, to take care and be grateful but also to be humble with our physical appearance as he said that perhaps he would be loved after this life because his body would be buried here.

His brother called me and some of our other mutual friends that were close with X, he was crying and said that X passed away while holding a note that X wrote for him, saying to take care of their dad, explaining the concept of suicide and to never commit suicide, how women should always be treated and respected, how his passing was meant to be and that he was a proud brother.

X was found in a hotel room, he overdosed on ******** pills.

Tags :

rvw Love you bro Wish you’ll talk to my mom aswell if that’s possible Lately I’ve been feeling the same - why do most girls make a huge deal out of a mans looks

2 notes View Post

randomikemendegen

5 years ago