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@cursed-rat-of-homosexuality I'm gonna do this fic for your username alone, my dude. you and @castielsprostate

suburban neighbors AU

I want to do an AU where Wade moves into a gated community and spots his new neighbor outside, drinking beer and mowing his lawn in a sweaty tank top and booty shorts; and the little old ladies across the street sees him gawking and pulls Wade aside to tell him Logan is the resident homewrecker, like he's broken up two marriages already (Jean and Scott and Eric and Charles). None can withstand his slutty ways, so he should stay away if he wants to survive with his relationships intact. Wade's like, "well, lucky for him, I am painfully single."

Basically, I just want to write Logan being so unintentionally sexy that he wrecks marriages by his mere existence in the vanilla-ass suburbs and Wade simping for him and talking through his weird feelings with his walking group gal pals whose average age is 68 years young. Yes, Al is in that walking group and she fucking hates listening to him talk about his man crush but there are no other walking groups in the neighborhood and she was there first.

“Are you ok?” 

“No,” Wade was shaking from head to toe, “I went over there to yell at him for blocking our shared driveway, but he answered the door in a slutty little towel and I think I blacked out.” 

Ellie raised an eyebrow. “Did you really?” 

“Either that or I asked to suck his cock,” He poured himself a tall glass of water from the tap and gulped it down. Wade wiped his mouth on the back of a hand and exhaled, “God, I hope it was the former.” 

Loud aggressive banging came from the front door then. 

“Shit.” 

“Yeah, I’d put my money on the verbal sexual harassment. Want me to grab my baseball bat?” 

“What am I gonna do with your baseball bat?” 

“Fuck him up.”

“I want to fuck him, not fuck him up. THere’s a difference, child. Pay attention.”

I love spamming the tags and you can't stop me :smuugs: