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30 MINUTES

💕Pairing: Seokjin x Reader 

📝Summary: 

Two prodigies come across street drugs and create a butterfly effect that endangers the existence of humanity. 

✏️Genre/au: Non-Canon, Sci-fi with hints of reality, Angst, Eternal love, Dark fic

✏️Rating: PG 18+, explicit

📝Wordcount: 4785

⚠️chapter warnings: drugs, drug consumption, illegal acts, explicit smut, slight bondage, major character death

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A/N: Hii! Did you stumble a cross this work? Glad yo're here 😊 Please, let me know your thoughts once you are finished. Feedback keeps me motivated to write 😁

Note that English is not my first language, so please if you find grammar mistakes, let me know. :)

Song lyrics mentioned: 

t.A.T.u- /30 minutes/ and /You and I/

BTS- Spring day

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

They were never going to go back home, to walk the concrete paths that led to their doorsteps, as they used to do almost synchronised. Their smiles would not bring the light that day.

The time stopped with the sun shining bright over the pure blue sky and brought the scent of the autumn rain and the dry leaves getting soaked. 

‘I miss you honestly, but I’ll erase you 

‘Cause it hurts less than to blame you.’

Your eyes were heavy as they woke that afternoon motivated by the sun lowering from the sky and sending its rays through the open curtains. His eyes followed the wave the curtains made with the wind sneaking through the cracked open window. His skin raised in goosebumps as the huff reached it. 

That Friday night of the second week of spring break had brought with it the craziest party you had ever been into. 

Your years of university were promising until that very moment. Proofs of your crime were still dusting up the crystal coffee table next to the sofa where you had finally fallen asleep with the sunrise. Or did you pass out at the same time after choking each other during sex? It was difficult to tell. If you could only remember everything… 

Seeing it, thinking about who could still enter and see the deplorable image you had made of yourselves, he stood up from the stickiness in between your bodies and, pulling up his trousers after covering your displayed bottom, he went to the kitchen for some spray and a cloth to clean it up. 

As he walked with his naked feet over the reddish carpet of the main area, his head banged in a way it never had before. He almost stumbled on his steps squishing his lids together so he could sort the way his eyes wouldn't focus properly but still made it through the brown wood frame that led to the kitchen and opened the white enamelled cabinet under the sink. 

You kept on fluttering yours still lying over the ugly and old red sofa, trying to ease the blurry vision provoked by your volcanic brain about to explode. However, you found yourself trying to stand with sticky things and the memory of his weight engraved on your flesh and bones, with the intention to lend a hand on whatever task your partner had put his head into. 

Out of sight, out of mind

The last seven days of your break were exorbitantly stressful when all you were expected to do was enjoy your time giving free will to your hobbies or do nothing at all. 

That first night of mistakes was forgotten, or so you thought, yet at the back of your minds you wondered where all that shit came from. How one simple night, not even that, a simple lapse of thirty minutes gave one strike after another, making you doubt your own sanity or who you were as human beings. 

It couldn't be only the drugs and the alcohol, not when that shadow kept on creeping over every time a new memory of that night fell into place. 

Neither of you spoke about it, although you could see it in the other’s eyes, both afraid of losing what you had, both too scared of the truth. 

Then the last week of spring break ended and you were back to the frenzy of university life, pouring your hearts and souls into that bright future that seemed to be threatened by something silent that wasn’t related to the drugs you swore to never take again. 

Out of time to decide

The moment it hit the news nobody paid real attention to it. It looked just like rabies or an alteration of it. Something the CDC could have under control, just like any other disease. But when they finally found the courage and a strategy to go back your steps from that Friday night, when you saw the images of the CCTV at the lab from that spring day after hearing the radio on your way there; you knew it was over. 

You didn’t voice out that feeling but it was like the world had stopped spinning and suddenly everything made sense. The guilt, the fear, the pain went back to you in a single strike. The strange unsettling feeling finally taking form into something you could never escape from.  

Do we run? 

Should we hide? 

For the rest of our lives… 

You deleted all the footage you could find of that day, not before taking notes of every action you had followed before the body of your lab partner had stood and tried to attack you. Before you ran. Before you forgot something went utterly wrong.

What had fallen from the lab table? Where was the cut that infected him when he slid over the samples and broke his neck against the edge of the table? What did he try to do before you ran, still high, thinking you were hallucinating? 

You wondered how, when the effects of the drugs had fully kicked in, you had forgotten about the traumatic event and had a session of absurdly, mental sex while your lab partner finally broke out from the basement lab and roamed freely through the campus in the darkness of the night. 

As you walked out of the building with your things, having added another crime to your list and conscience you jumped in the car while tears edged at your waterlines, as your breathes failed, unable to process fully what you had done or its unimaginable consequences. 

'They have it under control.'

'There's nothing to worry about.' 

Your minds kept on repeating the mantra. But something in you knew the truth:dead people don’t stand and walk;dead people don’t try to attack you; dead is supposed to stay dead and do nothing.

Can we fly? Do we stay?

Sitting on your car in front of his apartment, you stayed in silence as your thoughts revolted. The road had cleared your minds but there was a doubt on whether the vision of a weirdly walking person in a parking lot had something to do with it. In a silent pact, with your eyes meeting as he drove, you both agreed it looked like what Edmund did in the recordings and just drove through leaving the walking dead on the rear mirror.  

"We should go see our parents," you both voiced out at the same time. Like you had done so many times before. "We can be a couple of days away." he added squinting his nose and flickering his lashes a few times. 

You didn't need to voice out what you really thought. The fear. Because admitting that you were scared made the possibility of things going wrong more real and the fragile mental state in which you were, made it unaffordable.

We could lose, we could fail

In the moment it takes

To make plans or mistakes

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The party had started at the Maknae’s fraternity, a large two floor building with a main entrance and two wings that withheld around twenty male students between which there were Namjoon, Jimin and Jungkook. 

As you accessed the building walking up the raisers and entering the open door, you saw all the people scattered around the place. Conversations were held even at the steps of the stairs that led to the first floor because the place was pact. Apparently someone had been too public with the event and people you would have sworn you had never seen once in the campus had also come over for the free buzz and the fun. 

You took some time greeting people you did know while you tried to not lose visual contact from each other because with strangers in the place you didn’t feel as safe. As you spoke and messaged, the red cups started piling around so quickly you wouldn't have guessed how much time it had passed since you arrived. 

30 minutes, the blink of an eye

Neither of you expected to find your friends closed in the basement with a stash of drugs big enough to take you all to prison for some years, confiscated from the people coming into the partywith the abide hands of Jimin and Taehyung who were able to retrieve things without being discovered. If both weren’t passionate law students you would have sworn they were practicing to become the next white hand thieves to pass through history as never caught.

The consumption of drugs was not only illegal but the host, Namjoon, had made it very clear in his invitations that those elements would be taken out of the equation one way or another. The magic number of minutes acted again as the group discussed whether to make the party be over or just call out peoples’s attention. Then something broke upstairs and there was a cheering from the crowd, so they all ran up without too much thought. 

Apart from you, everyone left the basement. You stayed behind with Seokjin to take samples of the drugs after your lab partner, Edmund Jenner, had suggested to see firsthand how those chemicals reacted with infected cells for your project. Which was the main reason you came to the party, knowing you could get your hands into something of use. You just didn’t expect the quantity that there was, becoming slightly anxious as to get caught near any of it or carrying it. 

“I’m taking some extras, just in case.” you whispered with your drunk voice, as you took more samples right before his eyes. The anxiety and the risk was the same, regardless on how much you took.

30 minutes to alter our lives

Seokjin suggested it was time to leave the party after he noticed your friends were kicking people out, giving the excuse of being to tired and a promise of helping next time, under Yoongi’s attentive stare. He seemed to disapprove of you until it was his turn to say goodbye.

"Don't do anything stupid." he whispered in your ear, patting the right pocket of your hoodie before passing to hug his brother. 

Thirty minutes was exactly the time you sat in your car with your pockets full of different kinds of drugs in front of the University Science building before deciding to call your partner.

Thirty more minutes to prepare the samples inside the lab with the feathered touch of an angel to avoid spilling diseases that could endanger the public health if they reproduced and transmitted. Then let your partner started the work as you went for coffee at the machine in the resting room.

Thirty last minutes, because before making that phone call you had decided to take one pill each of what your drunk selves thought it was the type of drug that would keep you up to speed with the work . 

When it finally kicked in, as you were taking a five minute sit at the incredibly comfortable sofa next to the lunch table at the center of the room, the mistake was soon obvious.

30 minutes to make up our minds

As you worked, reality started fading into something different: you were there but you weren’t and there were things that weren’t there, that couldn’t be there. Shadows on the corners that took the form of monsters at the corner of the eye but that disappeared when you tried to look at them.

When you started panicking in a corner of the lab, hearing sirens that Edmund and Seokjin didn’t, he started walking systematically in three different directions while murmuring things to himself; it was obvious to Edmund that you had taken a serious dosage of acid and you were not in the shape to be there with him. 

When he suggested to call an ambulance you panicked even more and asked him, begged him, not to ruin your lives. But it was while trying to stop you from taking a dusty unidentified unit of drug that you tried to run with it and he tripped over a set of samples that had been worked on that afternoon. The samples were experimental types: weaponised diseases designed to fight weaponised diseases on the test. 

The glasses broke and you stopped abruptly with wide eyes to try and help him pick up the mess, only for him to try to move you away as you weren’t wearing the right protection to manage them. In the confusion  he tripped over, breaking his neck against the table behind him. 

You didn’t understand what was going on at first, you tried to shake him, do a CPR but nothing worked. Then, when you finally understood a little bit that your friend was dead, you panicked, unable to take a proper decision or stay focused. 

As you spoke nonsense from the exact same spot where you had tried to help Edmund, you felt movement underneath you but didn’t pay attention, thinking it was the hallucination. The sound of standing gave Edmund up more than it did the little growls he had made before moving and the only reason you turned around was Seokjin’s sudden silence as the colour drained  from colour. Being your first reaction; to try to interact with him, you didn’t move away and as soon as you tried to speak he was over you with his hands and his jaws closing near your face as you held him there.  Pushing him, making him fall, only to find out that he would stand again and try to attack without chance to argue him into stopping.  

Made the both of you, although the irrationality of the drugs, run out of there. You ran and ran until your lungs couldn’t take it anymore and had to stop, lying down in the middle of an empty road. Only a few minutes later, as you watched the stars and got mesmerised by how they moved and how the end of the sky was so far, all of what happened moments ago now seemed just to be part of the drugs. 

“We’ve never called him, right?” he wondered,and your minds seemed to synchronise on that thought because you thought the same, so it had to be true. Both laughed to all the stupid things you had seen: nothing made sense. It was then that you found the little bag in your pocket.

“Probably not…” you giggled again. “Do we try this one too? Up to die?” 

“We won’t… Just a university experience… We… We are not even alive, are we?” he suggested before giggling his lungs out and standing, pulling you with him. “I have to show you my new apartment…”

“I think I’ve been there…” you said, but doubted herself.

“Are you sure?” he wondered, hugging you.

“No…” you whispered before laughing, “Let’s go…”

30 minutes to finally decide

His nose was painful and he sneezed on top of the dust over the coffee table, which he soon forgot about when he heard the struggling moans behind him. 

You were on your belly over the sofa and had your arms paired up with the respective leg, restrained with your belts. Your panties were on your mouth and you were really having a hard time with the whole thing. Your legs and your bare ass were red. The mix of drugs had completely inhibited you, opening the door to do things you normally wouldn’t even think of trying. 

“Even like this you look beautiful.” he said as he moved, standing on his knees over the carpet to release you. 

“Please, daddy… Please…” you begged when he took off the piece of underwear from your mouth. The wetness dripping from your core to the outside, refreshing with the air of the room was the obvious signal that you wanted him inside of you but he only rubbed the hard on over his pants.

“Please what, mommy?” he wondered with a smirk before pressing his lips together in a thin suppressing line. His features quite innocent as he spoke with messy hair and your favourite lipstick smeared over his full lips. 

“Ew-” you said before cracking a laugh and making him release his contained one too. His eyes squinting with the laughter, showing his mostly modest smile widely. 

“-Oh, c’mon.” he said in between hints of air going back to his lungs. 

“You were supposed to say baby or baby girl. Ew.” you laughed again and he cracked up to how convinced you said those words but stopping suddenly with a sudden smack in your buttock and a smile drop.

“And you were supposed to stay quiet…” he said lowering an octave before throwing himself over you and positioning himself in between your legs as you were still on your belly, unable to switch. Then he pushed his lower body against your core with a growl.

“Hm-” a low and strangled moan escaped your throat as you pressed your face against one of the cushions. He then bit over your throat full mouthed without applying force, for your to feel his perfect white teeth over your delicate skin, eliciting another moan. 

He then slid his left hand in between your bodies and aimed to take off his trousers, only to the end of his buttocks, before penetrating you in one go, making you whine.

30 minutes to whisper your name

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Having to stop the car in the big jam at the principal road, you were able to see the fires starting inside the city. Clouds of smoke raise to the sky, turning the day darker and making you panic. 

“This is all our fault…” you whispered, putting your hands over your face the pained feeling of guilt stirring up your gut and making you want to vomit.

“C’mon we have to go-” he said, pulling you up on your feet and guiding you out the vehicle, entwining his fingers with yours.

30 minutes to shoulder the blame

“It couldn’t be us.”

A drag in of the intoxicating smoke filled his lungs.

“This wasn’t us.”

A second one did yours.

“That wasn’t in the lab.”

“This is going to be contained.” 

“This is going to be sorted.”

The lines kept going with the relaxing essence of the burning drug.

“Everything is going to be okay…”

30 minutes of bliss, 30 lies

“The trains are still working, then?” you wondered on the phone.

“Yes, they are taking people out of the city since there’s this rowdiness.” Hobi replied at the other side of the line. “Do you want me to wait for you?” he wondered. 

“No, don’t wait for us. Just take all of them with you, please. Make sure no one takes the stupid decision to stay in the city.” replied your partner alarmed, through the speaker.

“But-”

“Please. I’m begging you to do all you can to take them out of here.” he continued. You had seen it, you knew now how bad the city was getting and how bad it would get. Crowds formed in the main streets and when police tried to dissipate them, as the crowd moved you could see bodies lying on the floor. Soon after, there would be shots to a weirdly behaving person who would stand soon followed by those other bodies, diverting their attention to the agents. Whose bullets didn’t seem to be successful on stopping them as they kept on advancing before a headshot would finally make them unable to carry on with that obsession to bite. 

As Seokjin kept guiding your way, you saw this one girl fall from a set of stairs as she run up her building. She seemed okay as she did but then slipped and her nose hit upwards against one of the steps, reminding you of Edmund and as you kept walking unable to strip your eyes out of the awful scene. In the matter of two minutes, as you kept advancing through the long street, she suddenly moved from her inert position and stood slowly to walk towards the moving crowd, attracted by the noise.  

“Ok but if I have to take you with me, you have to come too… You sound-” 

“There’s no time for us to get to the train station right now, we’ll take the next one. Please, just go.” Seokjin was near to tears and his brother knew it. This time Hobi didn’t object and once he hanged he rushed to get all of them in the train. Making it just before the doors closed.

‘Like the tiny dust, tiny dust floating in the

air

I could have reached you faster.’

You just kept on running through streets and moving crowds, until you found yourselves face to face with the dead. Their pale faces turned your way once your strong steps and your agitated breaths gave you away. They were hoarding, taking new hostages on their hunt for fresh meat. 

Stunned, you turned around quickly and ran until your lungs said enough. With your fingers still entwined nothing could tear you apart, not even the dead. If you were to go, you would do it together.

30 minutes to finally decide

You breathed fear, you sweated it too, making it through every corner and every hallway to your destiny. You could only do your best to avoid the walking dead, carefully looking for any signs of those things but the feeling was there, pumped in the adrenaline running through your veins. 

You and I Hold me tight

You and I Gotta fight

You and I Side by side

You and I Say good-bye

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It all felt similar to when you used to meet. How once you fled a couple of elders who were cursing you after they had caught you sneaking into their backyard. You laughed as you tried to catch up with the required oxygen for your brains to work properly. 

Partners in crime, your initials carved with a knife in the old oak tree,as a timeless reminder of your love. But those were easy times.  

You and I Feels so right

You and I Holding tight

You and I Side by side

You and I For the rest of our lives.

Too young to care, you would lie on a rooftop at night and watch the eternal beauty of the stars shining in the sky. But compared to the ones shining in your eyes, they weren’t so beautiful nor so impressive. 

Neighbours since you were babies. Then best friends. Now lovers.

Every night. We're all alone. Every night.

My only hope Is the light That's shining from inside you.

Back in school days, when one or the other’s grades weren’t hitting the scores you had set for yourselves, tears were cried in the other’s arms. You wanted to go to the same high school, to the same university. Always, always together. And you are.

'Cause you believe, in what we are

You believe, in what we'll be

Give me strength 

So I can stand beside you

  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As you kept on running through the crowds and past them, someone suddenly looked at you and raised his eyebrows with recognition, although you would have sworn you didn’t know that person who shouted your names with anger, alerting the people close to him to turn around. You paralysed for a second before you noticed the sharp objects in their hands and then pulled Seokjin with you as you finally understood you were going to be mobbed and most likely murdered for a reason you failed to comprehend.

You were fast again through the bodies in the crowd, until you managed to out-manoeuvre your persecutors and hide behind a container in an alleyway. When it was finally safe to return to the main streets you saw it, displayed for all to see on the big screens of the buildings: the lab video, your faces with your names underneath portrayed right next to it. your steps went backwards stumbling with people but carefully making sure to cover your faces. Thankfully, they were too busy listening to the words thrown over your stories. Turning and twisting through the city, you kept running with the fear drowning the tears your eyes couldn’t drop. 

You didn’t know there had been an ongoing investigation when Edmund Jenner’s body was found; the police department had managed to figure out by the time of death that he was probably one of the first infected. 

You didn’t know that just an hour prior the police had finally obtained enough information to lead them straight to the laboratory, acknowledging the biological accident. Of which the investigating department of the university, had to take measures but hide instead. Yet the authorities had recovered the obvious missing day from the tapes with the help of a technician and you were outed by your own lack of knowledge on that department. 

The university knew all the time there had been an accident but since Edmund had walked out alone, they simply brushed it off and let you go on with your day as if no one knew what had happened between those four walls. Your excellent careers had saved your asses but were about to become the hurricane  at the wings of the butterfly. 

No truths to confirm

No lies to deny

Too hopeless to care

We're to scared to cry

He stopped first, not too far away from the train station, right next to an empty soccer field, and you walked to get next to him. He motioned for you to lie in the grass and looked at the sky, turned blue and grey with the smoke. 

How you wished for the rain that day. Something to clean the streets, clear out the smell of the dead under the heat of that starting summer. Something to wash out the guilt from your consciences and the effects on your bodies, since you felt like you had been beaten up both ways.

Carousels in the sky

That we shape with our ways

“If there could have been worse consequences to us taking drugs…” you whispered, eyes dry but the knot of the contained sobs making you feel like you were being choked.

“We had to pay the worse price to pay for a major crime… What we were dealing with, was a human project. Something we should have taken more seriously…”he murmured, the guilt in his voice sending a needle straight from your brain to your heart.

“I’m so sorry…” you whispered with strangled voice. He shook his head before hugging you, a single tear escaping his left side. Probably the only thing he had ever hid from you.

Under shade silhouettes 

Casting shame 

“We’ll die. Wherever we go.” you voiced with a low sob, your throat finally giving up although the efforts you had been making, loosening the moment you realised that was the truth and reality.

“We will.” he confirmed, sobbing too and pressing you closer against his body. The only thing that scared him about it was that, him as a science person though there was nothing after death and that meant losing you.

Your phones buzzed at some point while you looked at the clouds, silently. The regret, covering your eyes in a blurry vision of the reality finally dripping down your dusty cheeks. 

Crying rain

Can we fly? Do I stay? 

“Yes…” he replied, trying to sound like he hadn’t been crying his heart out just a minute ago.

“Tell me what I saw in the news isn’t true.” begged Namjoon, pained. 

“We didn’t mean to… I’m so sorry…” Seokjin replied, breaking into sobs again.

“You have to get out of there right now!” Jimin shouted, alarmed.

“They are going to torture you if they find you!” added Taehyung with concern poured on every letter he pronounced.

“People are losing their minds! Get out of there immediately!” Namjoon insisted.

“Ok. We’ll go to the train station now.” you replied, pulling Seokjin up, drying your tears in order to see what was in front of you.

“Good luck. See you soon.” Yoongi added before hanging.

You took one last speedy advance, until you found the empty station. Right after entering the empty train it blocked it’s doors as if the travels had finished. But when you tried to knock on cabin, you  saw the driver walk out of it and take the stairs, without looking back.

Then, unexpectedly, the train started it’s path out and an unsettling sensation covered you whilst you sat down in the nearer sit and hugged each other.

We could lose, we could fail

Either way, options change

chances fade, 

Trains derail.

They were never going to go back home.

I want to thank @ffion451 for helping with this and not let me delete it 💜😘

truth or dare || ksj

pairing : seokjin x reader

genre : angst, fluff, ex-best friends to lovers

rating : pg-15

summary : You and Seokjin meet each other again at a college reunion, him igniting the feelings of first love inside you after not meeting him for 4 years after an unexpected seperation. He still doesn't know the reason for it and you have never dared to tell him the truth. Maybe this time, you play the game courageously. Maybe not. Who knows?

word count : 6.3k

warnings : swearing, alcohol consumption, flashback scenes, kissing, miscommunication (i mean, ofc), crying, mentions of body insecurity, first love themes, jin being indecisive as fuck, peer pressure (if you can say it so then), this ain't a warning but his appearance is a bit fancy!! overall - it's seokjin being a hazard for all of us.

author's note : thankyou to the loveliest @gimmethatagustd for requesting this fic with this dialogue prompt <33 love ya jai :) and thanks to my love @highly-functioning-mitochondria for beta-ing it :))

mood : this love (taylor's version) - taylor swift

seokjin's aesthetic/moodboard

sugarwithtea m.list || taglist form (for future fics)

"I still don't really understand what happened between us."

The golden lights casted a beautiful shadow over the main dance floor, elegant and royal. The waiters weaved through the buzzed crowd of elite looking adults, your ex classmates, to be precise, quite skillfully. 

Your eyes scanned the crowd to take in the stark differences, if any, in your classmates' appearances. It had been four years since you last met them. You had been in contact with a few of your friends from college, but had lost most of them eventually. Some faces greet you with a friendly smile which you instantly return, while some just dismiss your presence as you do the same.

Taehyung had been keen on bringing you to your college reunion this time, one that happens every two years. You don't know why they hold a reunion every two years. Presumably, you had missed the first party and had then met an absolutely enraged Taehyung as he had failed to spot you at the location it was held at.

So now, here you were, leaning against the bar with a champagne flute in one of your hands and the other nervously twirling your hair. You were not specifically excited or even scared to meet someone, except one person.

Kim Seokjin.

Even the mere thought of his name brings heat straight to your face and you cower behind the glass, taking a sip from it to hide your sudden blush.

You and him went way back to your childhood days. Both of you became friends as you were neighbours and then went on to become classmates in college. He had always been your support system and safe place when you went through the ups and downs of your life, your best friend.

He had also been one more thing.

Your first love.

You were never able to act on your feelings, always too scared to break the friendship or distance yourself from him. You confidently believed that he didn't reciprocate your love, that his love was just platonic, not because he dated other people frequently. No, he rarely did that. The only girlfriend he ever had was one in the last year of highschool, when you weren't classmates yet, just neighbours and friends. 

The thing which made you believe that he never loved you, and will never love you, was an incident that took place during  your last year.

— 4 years ago —

"Where are we even going, Heejin?"

"To the gym." she delightfully responds as she drags you across the corridors, heading towards the gym.

"What for?" you exasperatedly groan.

Her eyes sparkle with mischief and a slight bit of adoration as she answers.

"Jinyoung is there. The boys are practising for their next match. Might as well catch them in action, yeah?" she winks at you as she pulls you inside the gym, pushing open the doors authoritatively.

Loud laughter greets you as soon as you step inside, followed by incoherent mumbles and yellings of excited boys. All of them fall to deaf ears for you, except for one.

Seokjin's.

The fact that he was the captain of the basketball team had completely slipped your mind. His windshield laugh only allows you to know that he might have made some stupid joke or pun, and is now laughing heartedly at it.

Your lips, who seem to have a mind of their own, form a smile at the sound of his happiness. You can imagine his crinkled eyes, full lips stretched into a proud grin, his handsome face contorted into pure mirth and his shoulders shaking from his joy.

The realisation that you loved him had dawned on you long ago, and the feelings just increased every time you saw him, heard him or thought of him, with an aching feeling inside your heart. 

You were not so sure about what he would reciprocate if you opened up your heart to him, but still were hopeful. His actions were the ones of a best friend, but there were some moments where you felt like maybe even he was in this a little too deep, if not as much as you were.

You and Heejin settle behind the door that seperated the lockers from the main court. The laughter soon died and suddenly Jinyoung spoke up.

"Jin, your turn! Truth or dare?"

"Truth."

A series of ooh's followed his choice and both you and Heejin held your breath in excitement for what's to come next.

"Okay so," started a lanky boy who had been leaning against the lockers all the time, with mischief in his eyes.

"Who'd you fuck? Y/N or Hana?" he ended and everyone present in the gym went quiet at the question.

You could hear your heartbeat up in your ears and your eyes were as wide as saucers as you registered Heejin staring at you with the same surprised reaction, while gulping to watch your expressions. 

"What the fuck?" Seokjin gasped out as the fog of shock faded slowly from around everyone present there.

All the boys except Jinyoung and Yoongi started the usual series of laughter and noises as their anticipation for Seokjin's answer rose steadily, two of them even having the nerve to clap him on the back in a friendly, nonchalant way. The lanky boy was now grinning from ear to ear as he stood straight, standing as tall as Jin and advanced towards the middle of the group, directly in front of Jin.

"Aww, seems like someone is scared that his best friend will be upset if he disagrees to fuck her." he says in a mocking, high pitched tone while jutting out his bottom lip to mimick a dramatic pout.

Laughter breaks out almost immediately and you try to hide yourself from the girl beside you. These were college boys, immature and insensitive. You could not take their words seriously and let them affect your thoughts.

"Oh, or wait." the same lanky boy, whom now you recognised as Woomin continued, "Don't tell me you are hesitant because you want to have sex with her?"

Silence spreads once again while some of the boys morphed their expression into one of disgust, mumbling shocked profanities under their breath or to each other, inaudible to you, but quite obviously those not in your favour. A string of ‘what?, really?, oh my god seokjin no!' were passed through them which made you want to run away.

Jin stood in shocked poise even when Woomin walked up too close for him to be comfortable, looked him straight in his eyes with a sly smirk as he opened his mouth once again to spew utter nonsense.

"Tell me, Seokjin. Would you fuck Y/N or not?" he asked in an almost whisper.

"I'm not answering a shitty question like that." Jin spoke through gritted teeth while his whole form was on the verge of shuddering.

Woomin stepped back and spread his arms in an authoritative manner, still looking at him in the eyes.

"If you don't then we'll know it's a yes."

Jin's eyes grew as wide as they could while he took a small step back, his whole body language shouting "DEFENSE MODE! DIE OR SURRENDER"

Woomin and the boys doubled down in laughter, him hitting his knee with his hand while one tall guy, taller than Seokin, says,

"Not Y/N Jin. Not her." as he scrunches his nose in disappointment and visible disgust at the thought.

Your heart dropped to your feet when you saw Jin feeling all attacked and hesitant, even considering answering this shitty question to save his pride or erase his cowardness.

He regained his footing as he straightened up, eyes still wide as a toddler's and lips trembling to form an answer.

"I won't."

If you wanted to run away before, now you want to bury yourself right then and there especially when a whole team is having a conversation about you with Heejin not so sneakily trying to glance at you to gauge your reaction.

"Why?" Woomin oh so smugly questions and Seokjin had to stick his chin up, if ever so slightly with hesitation visible as daylight in his form to get himself and his answer approved by his beloved team.

Of course Jin won't fuck his bestfriend, why would he? You think. He might reason it as you being his best friend and your dynamic being platonic, leaving no space for y'all to think about sex with each other but what he says next has tears welling up in your eyes as you try to hold them back from falling.

"I would never fuck someone like her."

You couldn't stop yourself from running away from there while choking on a sob. You didn't care anymore what Heejin thought about your reaction, you wanted to be away from everyone.

You kind of knew that Jin always thought of you platonically but never in a million years would you have thought of him referring to you like this, as if you were some untouchable, unfuckable being who only spewed disgust from others when she went in front of them.

The tears were unstoppable as they dampened your pillow, one that you had stuffed your face in as soon as you reached home and shut the door of your bedroom to save yourself from the prying eyes of your roommate.

You were never confident about your body. You knew you didn't have the model figure but you also didn't regard it dismissively with contempt and disgust. You weren’t fat but you weren't size zero either. Your heart broke when you thought of people regarding you like this for your appearance.

You pinch at the flesh of the slight cellulite forming on your thighs and cry out louder. You knew you were being insensitive with yourself, blaming yourself for a natural cause. But, you never knew why he disregarded you so easily. It could have been your body, it could have been your personality, it could have been you.

Haste and anger lead to the worst decisions ever.

The same happened when you decided to distance yourself from Jin to get over him and to also process your feelings and thoughts about the most childish game you had witnessed.

You stop the waiter to get your fifth glass of champagne as Taehyung rambles on at your side about his latest encounter with Namjoon and Jimin at the Annual Business Conference, both of them working as Regional Managers for two leading companies when Taehyung himself worked as the CEO's personal assistant of a major tech firm. Both of them were unable to attend the reunion and thus Taehyung was giving the details about their whereabouts to you.

You spot Yoongi a second later, striking up a conversation with the DJ of the night, who was doing a lazy job at hyping up the crowd, given the low beat and soft tone of the music he played.

You nonchalantly glide your eyes over the crowd when suddenly Taehyung pauses his ramble causing you to look at him. He donned his boxy grin as his eyes sparkled up with recognition. As you follow his line of sight, you spot your worst nightmare, or maybe your best dream.

Seokjin gracefully strides over to you in his full glory. Wearing a black shirt with a few buttons open at the top, covered by a black blazer, while his shirt was tucked into black slacks which impressively showcased his thighs, he looked like a fucking god. His hair was side parted, one part fell onto his eyes while the other was swept back with the most beautiful mullet. He had let go of a tie and one of his hands was in his pocket while the other held a champagne flute.

Dionysus might have been ashamed of the sight in front of him. Seokjin looked alluring, especially with the alcohol in his hand, he gave a complex to the Greek god himself. His plump, full lips were in a dashing smile as his eyes crinkled at the ends with joy.

As if like a strong gust of wind, all the college days come back to you in a jiffy. You were reminded of the days you both spent sneaking out of your houses to have a walk at the park, the day you both were delighted to know you got in the same college, when you stayed with him at the skating park till nightfall and talked about everything, when you cheered for him from the bleachers during his games, when he comforted you during your first breakup, bringing tubs of your favourite ice cream and watching sappy romance movies with you all night. When you realised you were in love with him, the night of your college fair, everything.

You also remember the days when he tried to talk to you but you merely made an excuse or ran away. You remember how your hangouts and meetings kept on decreasing till they stopped completely. You remember how he still smiled at you whenever you ran into each other and never showcased any annoyance or sourness, you remember it all.

He quickly engulfs Taehyung in a hug as he excitedly shouts his name. You notice how his biceps flex through the blazer as he wraps an arm around Taehyung and quickly pulls your eyes away, gulping down the remainder of your champagne.

You are the next one he will greet, of course. You know he is still a gentleman and that he never stopped considering you as a friend. He lets go of Taehyung and soon speaks.

"Hey man it's been a long time, yeah?"

"Says the man who’s holed up in his office at every opportunity he gets."

"Says the man who works for the CEO but when I ask if he'd like to be CEO, he declines."

"What the fuck does it even mean?"

"CEO you know — C each other."

You could not stop the laughter bubbling in your throat as it came out in a giggle when Taehyung groaned while facepalming himself at Jin's stupid pun.

"Oh my god that was so lame, Jin" he says.

He laughs his legendary laugh as his eyes land on you and not to be dramatic or something, but your breath truly hitches when you see those beautiful orbs stare right into yours. All traces of laughter vanish from his face as a dashing smile takes its place instead.

"Y/N" he breathes out almost in a whisper, while tilting his head a bit so as to truly look at you. He smugly takes your hand in his and leaves a soft kiss on your knuckles as you stare at him in awe, jaw slack due to surprise and a blush creeping up your neck and cheeks at his actions.

"Kim Seokjin at your service, my lady." he says as he bows down gracefully, your hand still in his. You furrow your brows in question at his sudden odd behaviour but still can't stop getting all flustered at it. He notices your state and pulls you in for a hug with the same hand.

The music seemed to have gotten slower and as you crashed against his chest, still in a shock, your senses went into an overdrive. His cologne fills your nose and the hand that finds solace around your waist burns into your skin. Your eyes widen but soon, you relax within his grasp. Trying to calm down your breathing, you cancel out, or try to cancel out your feelings creeping back in your mind. You also try to ignore the erratic beating of his heart, mistaking it as your own.

"Jokes aside, Y/N." he whispers with a laugh and tilts his head down, unconsciously sniffing your hair.

"I've missed you." he mumbles into your hair and you unknowingly wrap your arms around his torso which had been lying limp by your sides.

He missed you.

You realise the meaning of his words, Seokjin has missed you. All this while when you thought that maybe he would have forgotten a girl like you, he says that he never did. But of course again, you guys have always been friends, even though distant after a point. So you try not to overthink his words more and mumble a small 'same' as you detach yourself from him, fighting your heart who wants to stay there forever.

He settles in the space between you and Taehyung and smiles wistfully at the crowd and basically, everything. He looks at you again, with nothing but softness in his eyes.

"It's been so long since we last heard from each other, right?"

"Yeah, it has been."

"I think since graduation?"

Before you can even open your mouth, Taehyung jumps into action.

"What? You both haven't talked since graduation?" his eyes were all owlish and eyebrows knitted in confusion.

"Yes. I tried to find her contacts but was not successful and I asked you once but I guess you forgot? So I didn't pester you more." he says with a light apologetic smile that makes your heart sink.

He had tried to contact you but you hadn't, even though you very much wanted to locate him and run into his arms.

Taehyung reasons his lack of response as his short term memory and thinking he has already replied to the message when in reality, he hasn't and expresses his concerns on technology and it's increasing disadvantages when Seokjin shuts his mouth up and stops the conversation from going further downhill, thanks to him being a Computer Engineer and coming up with advances that made Taehyung go tight lipped at once.

The flow had changed, you were no longer the one they were talking about and you were glad that you were spared from giving a reason for not being communicative with Jin. You try to focus on their conversation but soon zone out when you realise that they are having an argument on who's better, Mario or Luigi.

The moment you are truly pulled back into the conversation is when you felt an arm drape itself around your shoulders and you realised that Jisn was pulling you into him, if only ever so slightly. Your cheeks go pink at his action and you once again hide behind your glass, taking a sip from it casually.

"Taehyung tells me that I am not a crazy Harry Potter fanboy. Y/N, kindly enlighten him." he laughs in his full glory as he brings you a bit forward and looks at Taehyung smugly, as if to tell him he has already lost the debate.

You scoff amusingly at his words and start enthusiastically.

"Oh Tae, you should've seen his bedroom when he was in high school. Completely decorated with Harry Potter posters and a print of the Marauder's Map pinned near his desk. He had almost transformed his bed into the classic four poster gryffindor dorm bed but then thought better."

Taehyung defensively glares at you as Seokjin victoriously smiles at his flustered state.

"But I- umm- I, was right. He is not a fanboy anymore, he is a fanman."

"Oh no." you groan.

"Oh my god that was so lame, Taehyung. Worse than my dad jokes."

"I, for one, second this notion." you say and immediately high five Seokjin as he brings up his hand. He unknowingly flexes his fingers right after he lets go of your touch.

Taehyung whines like a child and stomps his foot.

"Ugh, you guys always gang up against me. I think I'm gonna go find Yoongi." and with that, he leaves the both of you at your own mercy.

Seokjin glances around the whole area and resorts to sipping from his drink as you nervously do the same. You could feel your hands get sweaty and your body on the verge of shivering as you shuddered with the anxiety and awkwardness of being alone with Jin, neither of you speaking a single word. It's as if he sensed your thoughts exactly at that moment and turned to look at you with a lone smile.

"So," he begins,"How have you been?"

"Great, a lil busy but, yeah."

"I sensed you were busy." he chuckles while shaking his head and looking at his feet, your insides aching once more at the sight.

You know why he thinks you were busy. It's because you never sought him out, never tried to find him, never tried to do nothing. Little does he know, it's all you've ever wanted, but the shrivelled up rose in your heart extends its thorns, caging you whole, not allowing you to act on your instincts, but on your overthinking abilities. But now standing face to face, you have to put up a front and answer him.

"Yeah, well. What about you?"

"Same."

And you both fall back into that silence once again. This time though, it's less unnerving, slightly calming, and a lot suspicious. It feels like the calm before a storm. You don't know yet in what way it will greet you, but you can feel it coming in your bones, anxiously twisting your fingers to try and come up with a conversation starter, when Jin eventually breaks the ice, the storm beginning with a heavy downpour.

"To be honest," he says while leaning back against the bar and cocking his head to look at you, still with softness, grace and adoration, no malice.

"I still don't really understand what happened between us."

Your mind shuts down and goes into an overdrive at the same moment. You knew this question was due some time but you had no idea that time would be so soon. Now that the question lingers in the air, you don't know how to reply to him. You can't let your feelings come to the surface so easily and you definitely can't let him know your childish decision, a result of an immature game. The only resort left is nonsensical, but you go for it anyway.

"What?" you laugh inquisitively, feigning confusion. "What are you talking about?" you ask, putting up your best act.

It's like even after all these years, Seokjin can see right through you and your facade. He shakes his head and lets his hands fall down to his side.

"Don't play coy with me now, Y/N. You know what I'm talking about."

Busted.

He looks at you expectantly, as if you were going to give him the whole world, which you wish to, but can't. You can't come up with any reasons for your departure from his life. You know he had tried to get you back, but it was you, it had always been you.

"I think we just weren't that good of friends."

He laughs mirthlessly, still not discarding his softness though.

"We were the best."

You indeed were, but these hands of yours had to let him go free or else you would have fallen in a ditch so deep, the hands you held then would have been of no help. He had left a permanent mark on you, glowing in the dark were his words and your memories with him. You were that good with him.

"I had to watch you leave." he says, pausing your thoughts. "Watch you leave me."

He laughs again, but sadly.

A bubble of anger starts rising in your stomach at his statement. He had to watch you leave but shouldn't he have been happy that you left? You mean, you were always the weird one and he is better off without someone like you.

"You were better without someone like me anyways." you mutter the words under your breath, a little too loud though, scared of what might happen if he hears them but still eager to let him hear them.

"What?"

"Nothing, Jin. Why are we talking about things which happened so long ago?" you laugh it away.

"Because they matter to me." he stands straight now, towering over you handsomely. Exerting a sense of dominance, but softly.

"I don't want to discuss the past right now."

"No. What did you mean by someone like you?"

You groan like a kid.

"Someone like me." you vaguely gesture towards yourself, doing a once over with your hands.

"Huh? Why do you say it as if it's a bad thing to be like you?" he is utterly confused which only confuses you more. Wasn't he the one who had found problems in you? Why is he acting so vague then?

"You tell me."

"Can you stop beating around the bush?" He runs a hand through his hair in utter exasperation and lets it fall limp at his side in a tightly clenched fist.

"Leave it." you say a little too loud so that a few heads turn in your direction.

Seokjin gently takes your wrist in his hand and directs you towards the empty hallway leading towards the exit. He stands in front of you as your back faces the wall, a mere inches away from it, but you stand confidently and he never tries to overpower you.

"I just can't leave it." he gulps and if you didn't know better you'd say he looked nervous.

"Tell me, Y/N. What happened?"

The memory of that day still stings you painfully. It's not in your best interests to recall it, especially in front of the person who stars in it. You close your eyes and laugh mirthlessly. It's an irony that he has to be the one to ask this question and not the other way around. So, you dare to say the truth after all.

"Oh I'm sorry. I meant to say 'someone like her'" you make air quotes around and open your eyes just in time to catch his face, drained of all colour and eyes as wide as possible.

His lower lip quivers and he takes a step back in mock defence, the stance taking you back to the day when he was asked the dreadful question, poised similarly, in shock and ever ready to defence. It's just a second's difference then, that you find his eyes have glossed slightly, and he tries to not catch your eye.

"You- you, I- how do you know that?"

"I was there, Seokjin."

"What?"

You smirk mockingly and look up at him. His eyes are blown out as you stare at him, holding your gaze for a long time before breaking a little.

"Me and Heejin, we were in the gym that day."

You render him speechless, thus continuing with your revelation.

"She wanted to sneak up on Jiyoung, when we - " you gulp and look away from him.

"When we caught up on your little game and it was your turn."

"And you-"

"I did. I heard your answer."

Your heart is already racing at a million miles an hour and the speed threatens to increase itself when you look at him. He is on the verge of tears, truly shaking. Embarrassment flows through him as he refuses to meet your eyes. You feel your heart break and you almost extend your hand to him, to hold him.

"I, I am sorry, Y/N." he finally steadies himself and reciprocates your gaze. "I didn't mean it."

"You mean, you wanted to fuck me?"

"That was a shitty question which I didn't want to answer, but was compelled to."

You notice how he doesn't deny your assumption but you keep it to yourself, after all, it's time you know the truth behind the words he had dared to speak out loud.

"So, you said the truth, right?"

"Why would I think of you with contempt, Y/N?" he fists his hair and pleads to you with his eyes.

"I don't know, you tell me."

He takes a deep breath and sombers up his expression, still showcasing guilt and embarrassment.

"I was a young, immature, frat boy, then. You know how it works. The boys in my team considered themselves to have a certain standard that everyone had to match. I needed them to be in my favour, I was the captain. So I panicked when Woomin asked the question and replied what would have been in their best interests."

"In their best interests? What do you mean?"

You hold your breath for what's to come next as you can visibly see Seokjin tremble in front of you, contemplating giving you the answer or against it.

"Seokjin." you whisper slowly, and nod your head.

He exhales shakily and takes one of your hands in his. He starts speaking while looking down at your hands and rubbing circles on the back of it, soothingly.

"They didn't like you. Always ridiculed me for being friends with you. I ignored them most of the time as my attempts to change their thoughts had failed, miserably. That day," he sniffs and you look up to see a lone tear threatening to fall out of his eyes and mark his sadness, "I tried to dismiss them at first. But when I had no other option left, I had to say what I thought they would agree with."

You unconsciously grip his hand tighter at that and he looks up at you.

"That was the stupidest, shittiest move I had ever made and I still regret it. But you know they say, college is the place where your minds are the most indecisive. Mine was. And I came under the decisions of my peers. I am sorry."

You don't even know how to react to him, or how to conceive his words peacefully. The fog was clearing out each passing second but he still stood amongst its core, trying to shout for you, waving his hands around to lessen the mist. You open your mouth and close it again, wordlessly. Gulping audibly, you still don't retrieve your hand from his.

"You could've said anything else."

"I know." he squeezes your hand.

He doesn't say sorry once again, as he knows it's pointless. He now takes your other hand in his free hand.

"Y/N, please understand. I would never, even in my wildest dreams, have thought those things about you. Never."

You laugh and look at him now shedding tears. He was crying and you had not broken yet. You mindlessly free one of your hands from his grip and bring it up to his cheek, wiping away the stray tear. You realise your action and go to take your hand back when he keeps his palm over yours, holding your hand right there.

You stare at him wide eyed as he softly leans into your touch, relaxing at it. His eyes are pleading with you, asking you to understand him. He was driven by peer pressure. You could see the disgust written all over his teammates face at your mention, then. Of course, you had forgiven him a long time ago, when you were no longer an immature college student. But watching him plead for forgiveness so earnestly stirs your heart.

"Jinnie," his face lights up at the nickname you've called him by since your childhood,"I get it. It was childish of me for running away from you due to this reason, I am sorry. I, I just couldn't face you after knowing you thought of me with such contempt. It was," you look away and stare at the thin glitter lining on his suit, mumbling your next words almost quietly,"heartbreaking."

"Y/N, look at me."

You look at him and your world shifts. He is staring at you with tears, adoration, love and a fading loneliness. Your past swims in them and they crinkle to form his handsome smile when he looks down at you.

"Keep your heart breakable, but never by the same hand twice. I don't want to be the same hand again. I promise, I will never break your heart."

You smile at his words and rub your thumb over his cheek.

"I won't break your heart either, ever."

These words felt so intimate, you didn't know what he was thinking of. Your words were the result of your evergreen love for him, his words, maybe not?

"I tried to get you back, but failed."

Ah, yes. The time you avoided him like the plague.

"I was scared of many things, to be honest. Almost all of them were me and my mind thinking the worst case scenario and dwelling over it. I needed to be away from you. It has helped me, broke me, healed me, but with scars."

His eyebrows form a crease.

"I don't understand."his voice breaks.

"I - " you shake your head and close your mouth. You can't tell him that you love him. If you do so, this time he'll be the one to run away.

He lifts your chin up delicately. He was crying. Not in the way that only some tears marked his beautiful face, but in a way that made it hard for him to breathe. He leans his forehead against yours and closes his eyes, letting the tears fall down steadily and you immediately intertwine your fingers with his.

"I was a mess when you stopped smiling at me. I was a mess when you stopped talking to me. After college I tried again, but was never able to reach out to you." He laughs,"I guess, I was scared too. Scared of you not acknowledging me once again and me going into the wallowing state. Though, I never left it. Maybe because I know that I still, I," he pauses and gulps audibly.

"I love you, Y/N."

What the actual fuck?

He loves you? The man you have loved your whole life loves you? Your jaw drops to the floor and you search his eyes for some kind of joke but all that stares back at you is love. He closes them and that's when you realise he might be waiting for some kind of reaction from you.

"Wha- you- how…you love me?"

"Always have."

He renders you speechless, all you could do is stare at him wide eyed. His confession stirred your insides to an extent that it was hard for you to stand up straight, or process the happenings around you.

"I loved you but didn't want anyone to know about it, as i was scared. That you'd run away from me, that I'll lose you. Well, for my bad luck, it did happen eventually." he chuckles sadly and continues.

"But I can't afford to lose you again."

Your face lights up with joy and contentment at his words and you finally let out a sigh of relief. Atlast, your question of years has been answered. The fog has cleared and you see yourself standing with him, position same as that of now, except none of you are crying. You know it's finally the time you let out the words you've been meaning to tell him since years.

"I love you too, Jin." you mumble so quietly he might have almost missed it if not for his attentive listening when it comes to you.

"You, you do?" He looks so happy and expectant.

"It was the main reason why I had to go away from you, to get over you."

"Oh my god, we were idiots."

He pulls you flush against his chest and hugs you tightly while kissing the top of your head.

"Not anymore though." you mumble into his chest and you swear you could hear, rather than see his smile. Pulling away from him, for a second only, you wrap your hands around his neck and stand on your tiptoes, your lips hovering over his.

"Kiss me, Y/N. Please."

And you press your lips to his.

He takes no time in kissing you back, moving his lips against yours slowly as you sigh into the kiss. Sparks fly around you and you melt into him immediately. His lips are soft, just as you had dreamt of so many times. And they taste sweet, just like you had expected them to. Your senses go into an overdrive and you start moving your jaw against his with increased vigour. He senses it almost immediately and presses himself to you as your back hits the wall. His tongue glides across your bottom lip and you give him access to your mouth, tasting his mouth for the first time, ferevering the sweet taste and —

"I always knew you both would end up together. Oh my god."

You both break away from the kiss and snap your heads towards the source of the voice at the same time.

Taehyung was standing there with a hand grasped over his heart, to feign adoration and surprise. You can feel a shy smile creeping up on your lips as you look away from him.

"Go away, Tae." Seokjin grumbles at him playfully.

"Oh yeah, sorry. Carry on, lovebirds." he giggles like a schoolgirl and disappears as quickly as he had appeared.

You and Seokjin look at each other for a hot second after his departure before breaking into laughter. You clutch at his biceps and he holds your waist as you both keep on laughing heartily. None of you know why you are laughing. Maybe it was because of the encounter with Taehyung, maybe it was because of the irony at how things had turned out, or maybe it was because you both were finally so happy you couldn't control it.

Happy tears well up in your eyes and your chest and stomach start aching by the intensity of your joy.

"My lungs are aching, oh god. I need to stop laughing." You say, while laughing.

"Well I think then we truly do be-lung with each other."

And, you laugh again. This time it goes on and on while you look at each other, full of love, adoration, respect and promises.

After all, you both had dared to tell the truth and are now revelling in its bliss.

taglist : @nuniah @kittykooyoongi @highly-functioning-mitochondria @jeonkookiesworld @haliiimede @jjkeverlast @aliimac (if the tag doesn't work then please note that I wasn't able to tag you)

© sugarwithtea. all works belong to me. do not repost without permission.

restoration | drabble

pairing seokjin/reader

warnings angst | alcohol use | very brief smut mention

summary it’s been ten months since you walked out on him, and tonight, you find yourself deep in a cocktail bar with that lowly question hanging over your head: “Ever wondered what it would be like if you stayed?”

word count 1k

author’s note requested by @fawnbeybe, this took way too long to get to, but i had such a spark for inspiration and a craving for angst. i hope this suffices! <3

Keep reading

ghostin || part 2 (finale). (m.)

all rights reserved © pradaksj

↳do not repost, translate, or claim as your own.

❧ summary ⟶  ❝Though I wish he were here instead. Don't want that living in your head, he just comes to visit me when I'm dreaming every now and then. ❞

❧ pairing⟶ seokjin/reader

❧ genre⟶  angst, angst, and angst … did i say angst? + a bit of fluff? friends to lovers.

❧ word count ⟶ 18,000+

❧ warnings ⟶ major character death! sad ending. descriptions of grieving process.

❧ part of the  ⟶ thank u, next series

part 1 || part 2 (final)

“H-He did the right thing,” Jimin stutters, and you were sure he hardly even believed what was coming out of his own mouth,“What he did was selfless,”he declares.

“No he broke my grandma’s heart!” Jia scowls at Jimin, “What a jerk…” she huffs, having been fully engrossed in your story.

“No he’s right,” you say, shocking Jia, “It was an act of complete selflessness and in a sense, I applaud him for being able to do it because God knows I wouldn’t have been able to,” you sigh, “But ask yourself Jimin, in a week from now would you regret it?”

He looks as if he’s about to nod his no, until you add to your question, “How about a year? Maybe two? What about three? Just how sure are you about it?”

He remains silent.

“Tell you what Jimin,” you pause, “Only if you’re one hundred percent sure that you’d have absolutely no and I mean zero regrets about your decision then go ahead and leave,” you say, and he looks at you in a confusing manner, “You heard me, you can get up and leave right now, but,” you add emphasis to the word, “if you have even the slightest bit of a doubt, then all I ask of you is to hear this story till its end.”

Jimin, who by now had grabbed his jacket from the table in preparation to leave, now hesitated. Before you went up to him, he was so sure he wouldn’t regret it… but now after hearing a part of this story of yours… that confidence was long gone. Because if history truly was repeating itself, then he wanted to know the ending to this tale.

And so remaining in his seat, a look of determination covered his face.

“Okay then,” you mutter, ready to continue.

“That night I had cried in that diner for what felt like hours. It wasn’t until the waitress had to tell me that they’d be closing soon that I remembered I was far from Seoul, and so instead I went to my parents’ house and spent the night crying in my mom’s arms. I didn’t tell her right away, but I knew that she had known. Because honestly why else would I cry that hard.

Still though, I kept my mouth shut about it for the week that I slept over there, thinking deep down in my heart that he’d come back and tell me it was all a big mistake. Because if he did, I would’ve forgiven him. Maybe give him the silent treatment for a bit, hell even make him beg a bit, but I would’ve still forgiven him nonetheless.

When I went back to Seoul, I stayed in the same apartment. I paid the same expensive rent despite there only being one person living in there now. I stayed there because every afternoon I’d come back from work with a tiny feeling of hope that when I’d walk in, I’d find him in the kitchen like I always did after work, eating God knows what.

Sadly it never happened....

In the beginning I’d have no problem visiting my parents in their home, that continuous hopeful side in me thinking I’d be able to magically see Jin at his parent’s house. 

In reality the only person I’d occasionally see was his mother, who greeted me the same way she always did, acting as if nothing happened. I’m sure Seokjin must’ve told her through a phone call, but yet like the amazing person she was, she never asked me any questions about it. Never uttered his name around me, instead asking about trivial things like my career and such.

With no update on where Seokjin was, or what he was doing, it was only a matter of time in which I’d realize that things just weren't going to play out like how I imagined them to. The charming prince in my story had truly left.  

Days turned into weeks, weeks turned into months, and soon months turned into years. I stopped visiting my parents house as much, and ultimately began to ask them if they could come out to Seoul to visit me rather than the other way around. As going home only served as a reminder for me of what I had lost. No… of what had left me.

And so after about two years of being single, I finally began to date people for the first time in my life, until soon enough I met someone by the name of Seojun. Though it wasn’t exactly love at first sight, it was definitely my first serious relationship since my break up with Seokjin, and slowly I really did fall in love.  

I had successfully forgotten about Seokjin.

At least I thought I did ….

I guess this brings us to where our story begins to end….

1999. 

“My loneliness is killing me,” you whisk the batter of the cake you were making, “and iiiii,” the shiny ring placed on your left ring finger shines even under the kitchen light, “I must confess I still believe,” you pause for a moment, “I still believe,” you horribly sing the ad-lib to Britney Spears’ chart topper of a song, “...Baby One More Time”.

Out of nowhere, the music on the radio is turned down, “I think that’s enough whisking y/n,” your mom chuckles, “any more and you’ll over mix it.” 

Sighing, you follow your mom’s orders.

Today was Christmas, and like every other year, you were spending it at home with your parents. Your fiancé, Seojun, who was out of town to celebrate the holiday with his family as well, would arrive in two days. It was the best compromise the two of you could make, with the agreement that the roles would be reversed for the following year.

Taking out the baked bread she had put in an hour earlier, she immediately sets it down on the cooling rack placed on the table, “You’re going to have to take these to Mrs. Kim right now,” she mentions, while cutting the bread into slices.

Silently, you nod, ignoring the drop in your stomach that you’d feel whenever you had to interact with anything that forced you to remember him. 

Despite you successfully managing to forget about him in terms of your daily life, Kim Seokjin just wasn’t someone you could ever completely forget. No matter how much you wanted to.

Wrapping parchment paper around the pieces, you help your mom tie the cute little pieces of red string around it, her belief of presentation adding to the flavor still ringing true to this day.

She inspects them one more time before placing them into the woven basket decorated with many other Christmas like things, along with the two gifts she bought for the twins, “Make sure you remind her about coming over tomorrow with the kids.”

Nodding, you place your coat on and begin to make your way out, “And tell her I said Merry Christmas!”

Making a motion with your hand that you heard her well, you close the door before she can add anything else.

Knock. Knock. Knock.

“Ah y/n,” Mrs. Kim greets, pulling you in for a hug, “Merry Christmas,” she says.

“Merry Christmas Mrs. Kim,” you smile at her, handing her the basket.

“Come in, come in,” she insists, and reluctantly you do, “I swear everytime I see you it feels like I’m only getting older,” she chuckles, “You don’t want something to drink? Maybe some wine—”

Laughing at her enthusiasm, you say “It’s fine Mrs. Kim,” while looking around the place. She had done an amazing job at decorating this year, not like she never did, “Where’s Mr. Kim?” you ask in curiosity.

“Ah he’s not coming till later, had some paperwork he wanted to finish up at work,” she explains, and you nod in understanding.

“Merry Christmas!” two voices simultaneously yell, and immediately you're met with a giant hug from the two twins.

Eyes widening at how big they had gotten, a smile covers your face, “Now I’m the one who feels like I’m getting old,” you comment, resulting in Mrs. Kim to laugh. 

The two, who had to be at least 13 years old by now, were definitely going through the phases of puberty by now.

Ruffling their hair, you recall how baby-faced they once were, only imagining how different they’d look in a couple years time. 

Minjun, who now sported braces, was the first to speak, “Woah, it feels like we haven’t seen you in forever!”

Yeonha adds on, “Yeah! You’ve gotten so….” she stops herself from continuing, but you know what she wants to say.

“Old,” you finish for her, pretending to be angry by placing your hands on your hips.  

She awkwardly laughs, scratching her neck, a habit she must’ve picked up from her older brother, “Of course not!” she tries to play it off.

“I’m only 25, turning 26 in a couple of weeks if you really wanna be specific, but that doesn’t make me old little lady!” you scold.

She raises her hands to her defense, while Minjun comes to her rescue, “I think the word she was looking for was mature,” he says, “I mean you’re dressed like those office ladies we see on TV,” and you’re unsure if the comparison was supposed to be a good or bad thing, but nevertheless you change the topic, not wanting to fluster them any more than they already were.

“So any gifts you two are wanting this year?” and immediately Yeonha’s face lights up at the question.

Eagerly she nods her head, “I think Santa,” she sends her mom a mischievous look, “is getting me a new beeper this Christmas,” 

Mrs. Kim playfully rolls her eyes.

“Santa heard from a little birdy that your old beeper wasn’t stolen, but got dropped in water,” Mrs. Kim comments, and immediately Yeonha’s face pales.

She turns to her twin brother and smacks him in shoulder, “Hey!” he yelps, “it wasn’t me!” he scowls, “It was probably Jin,” and even by a single utter of his name, you feel your heart begin to race, “I swear, it’s like you purposely forget what you tell him on the phone sometimes,” Minjun continues to ramble on, clearly upset by the accusation of being the snitch.

“I think I should get going,” you suddenly interrupt.

“Oh but you just got here,” Mrs. Kim says, failing to notice why you were suddenly feeling uncomfortable.

“Yeah!” Yeonha adds for support, “Jin’s supposed to get here any second now,” she wiggles her brows, even after all these years, still clearly unaware of the circumstances for your breakup.

Mrs. Kim looks surprised at Yeonha’s sudden announcement, “He was supposed to get here at 8,” she mumbles, a wave of guilt washing over her.

You send her a sympathetic look, knowing that it wasn’t her intention to put you in an uncomfortable position, “I’ll see you all soon, I promise,” you say, and Mrs. Kim now barely notices the ring on your finger. A subtle gasp escaping from her lips.

With your hand on the handle, you begin to open the door, “And Merry Christm—”

Stomach dropping at the sight in front of you, you feel as if a semi-truck had hit you, rendering you at a loss for words, “Y-Y/N?”

The first thing you notice about him is the length of his hair. It seemed as if he had grown it back into the mullet he first had when you met him, only this time it suited the mature aura he seemed to have. 

Dressed in a black turtleneck, matched with black pants and dress shoes, you weren’t sure if you were in shock because he was right in front of you for the first time in nearly 3 years or because of how easy it was for him to get your heart racing.

It was weird really, despite his change in appearance, for some reason even now you were sure that he was still the same old Seokjin you’d always known.

Noting that you’d been staring at him in silence for quite a while, you finally manage to spew something out, “S-Seokjin,” is all you manage to stutter under your breath.

The twins share a troublesome look to one another, “Come on you two, Mom made Pajeon,” Yeonha says, pulling the two of you by your respective hands and forcing you both inside, “We can all eat and catch up,” she smiles wide and big, “I’m sure you two would love that,” she winks.

“I d-don’t,” you attempt to say something, but too flustered for your own good, you remain in shock. 

Glancing at Mrs. Kim, you notice the contemplative look on her face, as if she was debating with herself in terms of what to do.

Making up her mind, she announces, “I’ll get the plates ready,” much to your dread. 

Awkwardly, the two of you are seated across from another, the tension in the room only building as you wait for the food.

“Soooo……” Yeonha breaks the silence that fills the room, “What have you two been up to?” she glances at the two of you, waiting for a response.

Feeling a knot in your stomach, you continue to remain silent. 

It also didn’t help that Seokjin’s gaze had remained on you this whole time. It was as if he was studying you, analyzing you the same way you had done to him. He wanted to see if you had changed.

Feigning a cough, he ultimately speaks. “Shouldn’t you already know Yeonha,” he questions her, “unless you haven’t been listening whenever we talk on the phone…”

Her face reddens, “Of course I have! You just went to Taiwan recently to consult for some business company and do those boring analyses you always do.”

He shakes his head, “Then there’s your answer,” he simply states.

“Business? So he really did end up giving up on his dream ….” you think to yourself, a bit saddened at the fact. A part of you always assumed that Jin had left you to be well on his way to stardom, that when he left you that night, he truly was being the selfish person he claimed he wanted to be.

“Y/N? …” the sound of your name being repeated brings you back to reality.

For a moment you look confused, “I said what about you?” and for the first time since your breakup, both you and Jin make eye contact, easily taking your breath away.

Face reddening, you take a while to respond, “I um—” flustering with your words , you continue, “I’m um— the head writer at the same company I worked at years ago,” you force an awkward smile on your face.

“Oh…” Jin says, “Do you like it over there?” and the question brings you back to that first car ride to the diner when you had just moved to town. His delivery of the question still as blunt as before.

“Um yeah …” you reply, fidgeting with your fingers.

He genuinely smiles, “I’m glad,” he says, “really I am,” he adds for extra comfort.

And before you could say thank you, his mother enters the dining room, the plate of Pajeon in her hand, along with other side dishes, “Here you kids go,” she places the things on the table, “Make sure you eat it while it’s hot,” she warns before making her way back into the kitchen.

It’s only until you grab the piece of Pajeon with your chopsticks that he finally notices it.

He finally notices the shiny diamond ring you sport on your left index finger.

“You’re engaged,” he suddenly announces says , face unreadable.

As if the room wasn’t awkward enough….

Gulping, you nod, “Yeah,” you exhale, “it happened a couple of months ago,” you add.

The two of you stare at each other in silence, “I’m happy for you,” he gives you a small smile. Silently patting his mouth with a napkin, he gets up from his seat, “Well I just came back from a pretty long flight so I’m pretty tired, so I think I’m gonna head upstairs,” he avoids eye contact for a moment, a sign that he was lying, “Jet lag you know?” he awkwardly laughs, “But it was nice seeing you y/n…”

Getting up as well, you decide that it was best you left as well.

“Merry Christmas y/n,” he says one final time before heading up stairs.

“Merry Christmas to you too Seokjin,” you whisper under your breath.

“Since our breakup three years before, Seokjin had never once gone back home for Christmas, which was why I felt so sure that he wouldn’t that year, but of course I was wrong. So when I told my mom she immediately began to panic for me, remembering that she invited Mrs. Kim to come over the next day, and well of course she didn’t want to be rude and rescind her invitation.

And so I told my mom that it was fine. Whether Seokjin decided he wanted to come over or not, I’d be just fine. At least that’s what I tried convincing myself of…”

“Seokjin, we’re going to be headed our way now,” Mrs. Kim yells over the blasting music. God, did Jin feel like a teenager again. “If you change your mind well … we’ll be right next door!”

He hears her footsteps going down the stairs, signalling that she was gone.

Engaged …. You were really engaged ….

The image of the ring on your finger was the only thing that remained in his mind the night before, and it was what was haunting him even now. 

He wasn’t sure what came over him, you were happy, you had found love in someone else just like he’d hoped for years ago. 

He should’ve been ecstatic for you … but he wasn’t.

Several questions pondered in his mind once he saw it. Who was the guy? How did you meet? When were you sure you loved him? Was he treating you better than he ever did? Could he give you the future you always wanted? Just how happy were you?

Sighing, he gets up from bed, not wanting to sulk for any longer. 

He had to do something, anything, for the meanwhile that he was back home to get his mind off of this. And so grabbing his jacket, he prepares to leave, unsure of just how long he could be in the same proximity as you without doing something he’d regret.

The sounds of crickets chirping fills the air, a wine glass in your hand as you look at the stars above in the sky from the comfort of your front porch.

Inside, your parents were talking about the most mundane of things with Jin’s parents, while the kids were busy preoccupying themselves playing with their newly gifted Nintendo 64. And after getting tired of constantly losing to them, here you were, taking a break from the chaos going on inside.

Seojun was arriving tomorrow, from there you’d only be here for the remainder of the weekend and then back home to your apartment in Seoul, as if nothing ever happened. Ever since yesterday, something was eating at you. You just weren’t sure what. And the only thing you could look at to ease your anxiousness was the ring on your finger, a solid reminder that you had a future to look forward to and that the past was buried six feet under.

Taking a gulp of the drink in your hand, you mentally curse Jin. Why did he have to return? Out of all years, this had to be the one he chose to magically come back in? “Damn you Seok—”

“Y/N?” you look up to see the person you were just damning, car keys in hand. It looked as if he was originally planning on going somewhere, but must’ve walked over here once he saw you sitting here by yourself.

“Seokjin,” you say, a mixture of both shock and displeasure evident in your voice.

Relief washes over him when hearing your response because unbeknownst to you, from afar you looked as if you were completely knocked out, a result of the position you were in while you were deeply thinking. Immediately he eyes the wine glass in front of you, everything beginning to make sense.

“You looked um—” shaking his head, he disregards what he was going to say, “Sorry I’ll just get going.”

And maybe it was the wine talking, but rather than keep quiet and watch him leave, you call out to him, “You can—” you hesitate to continue, “You can sit here if you want,” you say, “that’s only if you want to of course, I’m not forcing you to do anything you don’t want to because I’m not exactly physically capable of doing that and—”

Jin interrupts your tipsy rambling by sitting at an appropriate distance from you, a soft chuckle escaping from his lips, “You always did like getting drunk off wine,” he whispers under his breath, a small smile on his lips.

For a while, the two of you remain in silence, simply staring at the view above. That was of course until you asked him a simple question, “Where were you going?” you mumble.

Bringing his attention towards you, his eyes soften, “Just wanted some fresh air,” he simply answers, being completely truthful.

Silently you nod, “Mm that’s good,” you say, your cheeks a soft tinge of red because of the wine.

“So…”

“So…” you mimic him, causing him to playfully roll his eyes.

“How have you been?” he attempts to break the ice, “I realized I didn’t really ask you that yesterday…”

It was funny really, the two of you truly had become strangers in a sense, just like how he said you two would be that night. But in a way, it also made things more interesting, it was as if he was getting the chance to know you for the second time in his life.

“I’ve been..” you hesitate to find the right word, ultimately deciding on the simplest one you knew, “I’ve been good,” you say, “I’m doing something I love, have an apartment I completely adore, and I found someone—” you stop yourself from continuing.

“You found someone you love?” he says for you, and silently you nod, remaining silent for a moment.

“Why did you—” you pause before continuing, “Why did you become a businessman?” you ask, the question having been on your mind since the day before.

Casually, he shrugs, “There was no future in the world of entertainment for me y/n,” he states, “so I went back to college, worked my ass off, and got a degree in financial accounting. From there the job offers came pretty easily and now I’m a traveling business analyst.”

“Did you do it because of your da—”

He’s quick to nod his head no, “I did it for—,” and at the last second he changes what he was originally going to say, “I did it for myself,” and you feel yourself getting angry.

“But it wasn’t what you dreamed of, it wasn’t something you loved!” you unintentionally shout.

“Hey hey hey,” he places a hand on your shoulder, “any louder and the whole neighborhood will hear you,” he attempts to joke around, and you feel your face get redder than it already was.

Letting go of your shoulder, he looks back up to the stars, his voice becoming soft, “The night I told you about wanting to seriously pursue becoming a director, you told me that if I failed, the real question would be if I’d be able to accept it…” your gaze falls on him while he continues to look up into the sky, “At first I wasn’t able to… I was too ashamed to admit to failure, but—” he smiles, “when I finally did, it almost felt liberating. And so I realized sometimes you have to give up the things you love, for a better shot at a future.”

Bullshit.

Complete bullshit.

That’s what you want to say to him.

And so you do.

“That’s complete utter bullshit Seokjin,” you mutter, taking a sip of your drink, “because if it isn’t then that makes you a selfish person, and you’re the farthest thing from selfish. So that’s just bullshit and you know it.”

He laughs, “It is, isn't it?”

Not expecting him to agree, you look at him in shock before grouchily looking away, focusing your gaze on anything but him.

Failing to hear the brief sharp hissing sound of his zipper being pulled down, you suddenly feel the placement of his sweater over your shoulders. You furrow your brows in confusion, “You’re shivering like a chihuahua,” he explains, scratching his neck like he always did whenever he was nervous.

Crossing your arms, you attempt to hide your face which you were sure by now was as red as a tomato. What the hell were you doing? Sitting here talking to your ex boyfriend of 6 years while your fianceé was probably well on his way here… it was wrong, it was inappropriate. So then if you knew that then why did it feel so … you brush the thought off before you could complete it.

“Because he was your friend first and as much as you hate to admit it,  he'll always mean something to you…” you tell yourself, feeling guilty at the thought.

“Y/N?” he says your name, bringing you back to reality.

You look at him, wondering why he said your name out of the blue.

“Do you—” it was now his turn to hesitate, “Do you hate me?” he finally asks, and immediately your mind says no. You could never hate him, even if you wanted to.

He stares at you, anxiously waiting for a response.

“No I don’t.” you simply say, not bothering to elaborate any further, but for Jin that was enough. It was enough to tell him that you still …

“Seojun…” you whisper under your breath, a car pulling into the driveway of your house, a look of surprise on your face. Immediately you push off the jacket from your shoulders, catching Seokjin by surprise.

“So this is who he is…” Jin thinks to himself, watching the handsome man come out of the car, a grin on his face as he locks eyes with you.

Walking towards him, Jin watches as you lovingly greet the man with a kiss to the cheek, the two of you then walking towards him. “Seojun this is Seokjin, his parents are the neighbors,” Seojun offers his hand out, a polite smile on his face, “Seokjin this is Seojun, my fianceé,” the two shake hands. Your past and present finally meeting.

“Seokjin which means to be a great treasure,” Seojun attempts to make small conversation.

“He’s a linguist,” you explain, awkwardly chuckling, noting the fake smile on Seokjin’s face.

“Mm I see,” he mumbles, bitterness in his voice.

“I thought you weren’t coming till tomorrow?” you ask your fianceé, still surprised by his sudden appearance.

He shrugs, “What can I say, I got bored,” he laughs, “So I said my goodbyes early, and decided why not come here to surprise you,” he kisses your forehead, and Jin feels the green eyed monster making its way out.

“Well I should get going,” Jin states.

“You sure?” you widen your eyes at Seojun’s sudden question, “I mean I love your dad y/n but it’d be nice to have someone else to talk to,” he chuckles, “and well I definitely wanna hear about what y/n was like as a teenager from someone who isn’t one of her parents.”

You and Jin both make awkward eye contact, unsure of what to say. “Maybe some other time,” Jin manages to say, “I have to um…” he flusters, “um..”

“Finish typing up that business report you were talking about,” you make an excuse for him.

He snaps his fingers, pretending that that was what he was trying to say, “Mmhmm yeah!” he scratches his neck, “My job just doesn’t want me resting, not even for the holidays, you know how it is...” he adds on, coming for the Actor of the Year award at next year's Oscars.

Seojun surprisingly believes it, “Damn, that’s too bad,” he scratches his chin, a sign that he was thinking of something, “Well are you coming to our engagement party? Maybe we can talk then,” he says, and if your eyes weren’t already wide enough, by now they were well on their way to falling onto the floor. Seojun was just too kind for his own good.

Jin practically chokes on his own spit, “I um—”

Realizing that you probably forgot to invite him, Seojun interrupts before Jin could feel any more embarrassed, “January 12, at the Lotte Hotel in Seoul, 6PM sharp.”

Feeling his face get red, Seokjin nods, “Yeah I’ll be there,” he forces a laugh.

Patting his shoulder, Seojun smiles, “I look forward to talking to you then,” he says, beginning to make his way inside, with you following closely behind, a guilt-ridden look on your face.

Now by himself, Jin silently cursed to himself. Damn him! Seojun wasn’t at all the asshole Seokjin made him out to be in his head. But damn did he want him to be one…. then it’d be much easier to hate the man, and it’d make him much less guilty for what he was planning to do….

“After that night, I’d go to sleep scared. Not because I was in danger in anything, but because I was scared about the feelings I’d repressed for so long now starting to return. I was scared of looking back…”

Patting down your black fitted cocktail dress, you look at yourself in the mirror for a final time, “Everything is going to be just fine,” you whisper to yourself, having cooped yourself in the ladies restroom for quite some time now. 

You couldn’t help it, the moment you saw the twins walk in with Jin’s mother, you knew it was only a matter of time before Jin walked in.

Ever since that Christmas weekend, his sudden return into your life had been eating you alive. You had gotten over him, you were sure of it. No … you are over him. Point. Blank.

This ring you wore on your finger signified that you were over him, that there was a different future to look forward to now. That whatever was meant to be in the past was no longer an option for you now. Right?

The door suddenly opens, “Y/N, there you are!” your mom comes in with an upset look on her face, “the host of the party can’t just disappear whenever she wants to,” she scolds.

Staring at her with a doe eyed look, you want to tell her everything. Everything that you were currently feeling, every question, every doubt that was crossing your mind since Jin’s return. But instead you just look away, making your way out.

“Taiwan huh? I’ve always wanted to visit there,” you hear your future brother-in-law, Hoseok, say. 

He, along with Seojun, Seokjin, and some other guests were currently discussing God knows what in a social circle.

“Y/N,” Seojun calls out to you, a grin on his face.

Immediately you make eye contact with Jin, feeling your every movement being scrutinized under his gaze. 

Sucking it up, you plaster a smile onto your face, reminding yourself that in a couple of hours you’d be in bed, with the only other times you’d have to see Jin being your rehearsal dinner, which was the night before the wedding, and the wedding day itself. And even then he would just have to be another face in the crowd of guests.

Seojun places a kiss to your cheek, “Jin was just talking about his adventures in Taiwan, I’m thinking it might be a good destination for our honeymoon,” he says with genuine excitement in his tone. Oh how naive he was…

“Oh…” is all you can say, struggling to keep the smile on your face, “um yeah, I guess that would be a nice place to go, wouldn’t it?” you attempt to stay engaged with the conversation, and it seemed as if it was enough to fool Seojun because soon he was talking about something else with another guest. 

But clearly it wasn’t enough to fool Jin, as he currently had his gaze fixed on you, occasionally taking a sip out of the glass of whiskey in his hand.

“I think I’m gonna go out and get a breath of fresh air,” you whisper to Seojun’s ear, and silently he nods, distracted by the conversation he was currently having.

Going out, you make sure not to be seen by your mother, knowing that she’d only scold you again for trying to leave. And so like the cowardly person you were, all you could do was hide and wait in the hotel’s little garden, sitting on the stone bench, the smell of the flowers somewhat relaxing you. 

God, did you just want this night to be over already…

“You shouldn’t have come here,” you suddenly say, feeling the presence of someone behind you, but you knew exactly who it was.

“You looked sad,” you hear Jin say, genuine concern in his voice.

You remain silent.

Sighing, he sits next to you, the moonlight framing his face in such a way that he almost looks ethereal. “Originally I wasn’t going to,” he says, understanding the double meaning to your words, for you meant that he shouldn’t have came to this event at all, “But I needed to see it with my own eyes, confirm that it wasn’t just some—”

“What? Some joke?” you scoff, “Some wretched attempt at getting over you…”

Now it was his turn to remain silent.

You shake your head, “3 years Seokjin,” you say, “3 years you were gone and you just had to come back the year I get engaged,” you bitterly chuckle, wishing you had a drink in your hand, “funny how life works huh?”

Silently he nods, agreeing with you, “I guess it was just a natural sense,” he attempts to joke around, but you remain silent, “I’m sorry,” he randomly says and you look at him confused, “For coming back,” he elaborates on the apology, “if I’d known beforehand I wouldn’t have come back to town for both of our sakes,” he chuckles, being completely honest.

“Hand me that,” you motion to the drink in his hand, and without question he does. Taking a giant gulp, you then finally say something, “I’m getting married in 6 months Seokjin,” you remind him of your future fate, “it was going to happen before you came back, and it’s happening even after,” you turn to face him, wanting to make sure he understood that at this very moment you were placing a line between you two, one that you hoped was unbreakable.

He returns to stare, “I know y/n,” he simply responds.

“Do you?” your face twists into a frown, “Because I know you Seokjin and something in my gut is telling me that—”

“Y/N I know,” he repeats, “but just answer one thing for me…” he pauses, contemplating on whether to continue but does so anyway, “Do you really love him?”

And just as you’re about to respond, he interrupts, “But I mean genuinely y/n, enough where you really can picture the rest of your life with him with absolutely no regrets, no what if’s…” he adds.

Could you? You ask yourself. Could you really imagine being with Seojun with no regrets…..

To Jin, your silence was enough of an answer, but before he could get a word in, a voice suddenly interrupts, “Y/N!” Seojun calls out, “There you are,” he exhales a relieved sigh, “We’re about to cut the cake,” he glances at Jin, nodding as a way of saying hello.

“Oh right ...” you get up from the bench, a black cloud hanging over your head, “I’ll see you at the wedding Seokjin,” you look at Jin a final time, the statement ultimately acting as your answer.

“The six months went by in the blink of an eye, but each and every night when I went to bed, it ate me alive. 

The lies I was telling my fianceé, the lies I was telling myself, everything was just becoming too much. 

And as the date loomed closer and closer, it was only getting worse. And so the night before the rehearsal dinner I finally came clean…”

Staring up at the ceiling of your bedroom, you’d become accustomed to the sleepless nights for the last six months, faint lines beginning to form under your eyes. 

In less than 48 hours you’d be a married woman, welcoming a future you’d always wanted. So then why was it now, you still couldn’t get a wink of sleep.

“Wedding jitters?” you hear Seojun whisper beside you, and you find yourself shocked that he was still awake. Usually he was quick to fall asleep, a deep sleeper as well, so to find him awake was pretty unusual.

You remain silent, hoping he’d just fall asleep, but like the caring person he was, he softly nudges you despite knowing that you were ignoring him, “Seojun, go to sleep, it’s late,” you mumble in the darkness, reminding you of a memory from long ago.

“Something’s bothering you,” he says, now turning to face you, and he nudges you a second time, “You know you can tell me anything…” he adds, wanting to reassure you.

This was your chance, your chance to tell him everything before it was too late. It was speak now or forever hold your peace, and so sighing, you position yourself to sit up, turning on the bedside lamp.

“Seojun I haven’t been completely honest with you…” you announce, now avoiding eye contact. “And well you deserve to know the truth because you’re an amazing person who deserves nothing but the bes—”

“Y/N,” he interrupts you, a soft laugh emitting from his lips, “I know Seokjin is your ex, and I know he still loves you,” he drops the bombshell of news on you, and you could’ve sworn you felt your jaw hit the floor.

“W-wait w-w-what?” you manage to breathe out, and it only makes him laugh again.

He now sits up, nodding his head, “I knew the moment you introduced his parents as the neighbors rather than calling him an old friend,” he chuckles, “you were trying to make it seem a little too platonic,” your face squirms, “and well you’re not exactly the best liar,” he pauses, “Plus your mom isn’t exactly a quiet speaker so when I heard her rambling to your dad about the situation, I sorta just knew.”

“T-then why didn’t you call me out on it?” you immediately ask, but before he could respond, you continue to ramble, “God, I’m so sorry Seojun,” tears well up in your eyes, “I love you, I really do,” you say, completely truthful, “but I-I-I—” you struggle to continue.

“But you also love him,” he completes for you, a look of understanding on his face.

Immediately you nod your head no, “No I don’t it’s just—”

“Y/N it’s fine,” he says, grabbing your hand, but you still refuse to admit it.

“No Seojun, you don’t get it. I love you, I do, more than you ever know and I’m ready to start our future together but—” you look away, “as much as I hate to admit it I’m always going to feel something for him because he was my first love,” you whisper the last part, “but you’re my last,” you reaffirm.

Seojun smiles sadly before sighing, “I know, which is why I sorta just let it be that night at the engagement party because well... I figured that if you were able to make it to the aisle without turning back it meant that you truly did love me,” he pauses, “Because even now you have the choice to turn back y/n, you do understand that right? I won’t be mad, I won’t be too sad, and I won’t hate you for it because I understand,” he says and you feel a teardrop fall from your eye, “that night I overheard him ask you if you really loved me and though you didn’t immediately say yes, you also didn’t flat out say no. And so it seems you’re at a crossroad… ” he whispers.

“Seojun…” 

He squeezes your hand, “When you step on that aisle then I’ll have no doubt that you’ve completely unregrettably chosen me,” he says, “and if you don’t then I’ll know you were just never meant to be mine,” he smiles softly.

A silence follows.

“Tomorrow he’s going to the rehearsal dinner, and I’m assuming it’ll act as his hail mary. His final attempt at getting you back,” he suddenly says, “and so it’ll be your time to make a decision … a future with me or a look back at the past with Seokjin,” and he kisses your cheek, his way of saying goodnight before making himself comfortable in bed again, quickly falling asleep, and leaving you in the same sleepless state you were already in before.

He was right, knowing Seokjin tomorrow he was going to do something because you were 100% sure that he would never grow the balls to object to the matrimony in front of everyone. And so as the clock kept ticking, it was only up to you to decide your future.

“The next night came quicker than expected. After all of the guest greetings and pretentious conversations I had to make, it was time for the guests to make a toast. By then I had already made a decision in my mind, I just didn’t expect everything to happen the way it did….

For over the last 50 years I’ve constantly looked back at that night and have asked myself where it went wrong, what could’ve gone differently, what if this, and what if that… as it was never meant to escalate to the point it reached...

But it did … and as much I would love to go back in time and change everything, I can’t. And that’s just something I’ve had to accept, no matter how much it hurts…”

Clink. Clink. Clink.

You eye Jin as he gets up from his seat, his glass of sparkling water in his hand. 

You’d been avoiding him like the plague the whole night, just wanting to get to the wedding day as soon as possible.

You attempt to remain calm. 

He wouldn’t do it, not here in front of everyone. If he really cared for you like you believed him to, then he wouldn’t. 

You knew Jin, and he was the kind of person to pull you to the side or find you alone like at the night of the engagement party in order to tell you something. Never would he stoop so low to do something like this…

Feigning a cough, he speaks, “I want to make this as quick as possible, don’t want to take too much of everyone’s time,” Jin’s mother glances at yours, the two of them unsure of what was going on, “So where do I begin…” Seojun looks at you with an impassive expression, your conversation from the night before coming to fruition, “Ahh I know,” Jin snaps his fingers, “So for anyone who doesn’t know, I actually dated y/n first…”

“Seokjin,” his mother attempts to stop him by harshly whispering his name, but he relents.

“We dated for about 6 years actually, to a point where we sure that we’d spend the rest of our lives together,” he scoffs, “but then I ruined that by breaking up with her,” he reminds you and everyone else around you of the fateful night, “which I know is shitty of me to realize just now how much of a mistake it was. But I mean what are the chances that I come back the year you’re about to get engaged, I mean that has to mean something right?” he rambles, almost as if talking to himself, convincing himself that this was the right thing to do.

Everyone sits in shock of the words spewing out of his mouth, certain that this was only something that happened in movies, never imagining that it could actually happen in real life, “I’m only saying this now because I realize it’d be even more of a dick move of me to object in front of everyone,” he chuckles to himself, “And so I’m doing this now, in front of everyone y/n…” he locks eyes with you, “I’m sorry,” he whispers, “but this is our last chance, a final shot at the future you’ve always wanted... with me.”

The silence in the room was deafening.

Slowly you get up, a heavy feeling weighing down your chest as you clear your throat before speaking, “I know this is a lot to ask but if everyone can get up and momentarily leave the room, I’d really appreciate it,” you announce, “I’d like to talk to my friend privately for a moment,” you look down to Seojun who nods understandingly.

Without question, Seojun begins to lead everyone out, until ultimately it was only you and Seokjin standing by yourselves, a scene all too familiar to you. 

“Y/N…” he begins, but you’re quick to cut him off, your hand placed on your temple.

“Why?” your voice breaks, any emotion you’d been withholding beginning to unravel, “Just why?” is all you’re able to ask.

“Because you don’t love him y/n,” he whispers loud enough for you to hear, and it’s at hearing that, that you feel a shift in mood.

“But I do Seokjin!” you yell, seeing nothing but red now.

Silence momentarily lingers in the air, until you scoff.

“What were you thinking, Seokjin? That you could just come back into my life and I’d welcome you back with open arms?” you ask, tears welling up in your eyes, threatening to fall with every word you got out.

He shakes his head, “No but—” he hesitates, walking closer to you, “what are the chances y/n? What are the chances I come back to town the year you’re getting married—”

“The only reason I’m getting married to someone else is because you left me!” you interrupt him, reminding him of the choice he made years ago.

He looks away, “You don’t get it y/n,” he mumbles under his breath, beginning to grow frustrated.

“What’s there not to get Seokjin?” you push at him, now yelling, “If I hadn’t gone looking for you that night, I would’ve been left with nothing but a goddamn note—”

“I was doing what was best for you!” he yells in return.

“For me?” your voice shakes, “Leaving me at a diner in the middle of the goddamn night with some poor excuse wasn’t the best for me! Leaving me to cry in bed, by myself, for almost 2 years straight wasn’t the best for me! Leaving me, not knowing where the hell you were for almost 3 years wasn’t the best for me!” you finally explode, years and years of anger now revealing itself.

“Everything I had felt, the sadness, the anger, the frustration, everything … was finally being released…”

“I begged for you that night Seokjin, begged!” you emphasize, the tears that had been building up, now falling hysterically.

“I was just trying to do what was best for you,” he says, completely and wholeheartedly honest, because it was true. At the time he really was doing it all for you, and you understood that now, truly you did.

“But I just couldn’t let it go… I was still hurt, and that hurt was what was holding me back. That hurt was what was preventing me from walking out the back door with him, ready to finally start that future with him I always wanted…”

“I didn’t need you to do anything for me!” you yell, “I was a grown woman Seokjin! Capable of making my own decisions, just like I am now!” your heartbeat slows down, “I gave you my heart that night Jin!” your voice cracks, not only feeling your heart break for the second time in your life, but all by the same person, “It was you who left me! Not me, you!”

“Because I didn’t want to hold you back y/n,” his voice breaks, “Because at the time I couldn’t give you the things you wanted.”

“And I told you I didn’t care!” you cry out, “Because for me all that mattered was being by your side…” a silence follows, “You were my first love Seokjin,” you breathe out, “the first boy to make me feel completely and unconditionally loved and so for that I thank you,” you say, “I really do…” you grab his hand, “but this—” you struggle to say the words.

“But this is the end,” a tear falls down from his eye, and you can only stare at him in sadness.

“I’m choosing Seojun, completely and unregrettably,” you whisper, placing a final soft kiss to his cheek, “I’m sorry,” I’m sorry for being unable to let go, is what you want to say.

“So then I should go,” he quietly says, and silently you nod, letting go of his hand in the process.

And he watches you as you walk away, “Y/N,” he says your name for a final time and you turn around, sadness still etched in your face. 

There’s a brief silence before he continues.

“Live—” he hesitates, “Live a life you’ll be proud of,” he reminds you, and to that you send him a small smile. A chapter in your life coming to its end.

“And so the next day was the wedding....” 

“How are you feeling y/n?” your mom comes up to you from behind, practically feeling just as nervous as you were.

You pat down your dress, sighing in the process. Ever since last night, there was a churning feeling in your stomach that had been bothering you, but you reasoned with yourself that it must’ve been due to the events of the night prior, “Nervous but I should be good to go,” you respond, and your mom gives you a smile of reassurance.

Curious to see how many guests had arrived already, you look out the window of the room you were in, which gave a perfect view of the venue. Scanning across, it seemed like everyone was here except… 

“Where’s Mrs. Kim?” you ask, “and the twins?”

After last night’s events, Mrs. Kim had gone up to you frantically apologizing for her son’s behavior, rambling about understanding if you didn’t want her at the wedding anymore, but you were quick to tell her that it was fine. That just because Jin did what he did, didn’t mean you didn’t want her attending. Which was why now seeing her seat empty along with the twins’, you were not only confused but a little hurt.

“Maybe they’re stuck in traffic,” she reasons, “they did leave quite late,” she adds.

Deciding it was best not to dwell on it too much, you push it to the back of your mind, “Let’s get this show on the road,” you ultimately say, ready to get married.

“You have to remember that in the early 2000’s, not everyone had mobile phones yet because of how expensive they were. People were still used to calling a house phone by memory and crossing their fingers that you’d pick up. You couldn’t just send a text message to absolutely anyone whenever something of importance happened…” you explain, your voice beginning to shake, “you couldn’t inform someone of an emergency until God knows when,” a tear falls from your eye, “Because if you could, then—” you let out a heart wrenching sob.

“Grandma?” Jia says in concern.

“Then I would’ve never gone through with that wedding…”

Seokjin was tired, no … he was exhausted. 

God, was he such an idiot. What the hell was he thinking doing that? You were right, did he really think he could just waltz back into your life and everything would just go back what it once was? And to see you cry like that only made him realize even more of what a complete selfish asshole he was.

But at least, you both found closure right? That was all that—

The sound of Seokjin’s car engine making an ugly noise breaks him away from his thoughts. Almost immediately, he pulls over to the side of the road, purposely stopping near a payphone for reference.

Grabbing the flashlight from his compartment box, he gets out of the car and lifts up the hood of the car.

“Hmm...” he hums, nothing seemed wrong. It was probably just his car’s way of saying that it needed to be replaced by a newer model soon. 

He smiles, tapping the hood once he placed it back down. He’s had this thing since his first year in college, it being by his side almost as long as you had been, if not more.

Yawning, he gets back in the car, the need to fall asleep becoming a little too overwhelming. Placing the key back in the keyhole, he turns it in order to turn on the ignition, but to his surprise the car refuses to start, “Come on LadyBug,” he says, the name of the car being something you and him both made up on a drunken whim, it sticking ever since.

Deciding to be stubborn tonight, LadyBug relents. 

Sighing he grabs his Nokia phone from the glove compartment, the giant words of “NO SIGNAL” only making him sigh more. He just wanted to go home and sleep already.

Getting out of the car once more, he walks towards the phone booth, inserts a quarter, and dials the number of his parent’s house phone. As much as he hated to ask for help, desperate times called for desperate measures, and his dad should be home.

“You have reached the voicemail box of 45x-7x8-87xx, please leave a message after the beep. Beeeeeep,” the automated voice instructs.

Seokjin groans, maybe his dad was asleep, “Hey dad, I’m sorta stranded out here with a car that doesn’t seem to want to start and well … I think Mom is still at the rehearsal dinner with the twins,” Seokjin begins to ramble, “She’s probably on her way back home, but you know her,” he chuckles, scratching his neck, “she still refuses to get a mobile phone so there’s really no way of calling her till she gets home,” despite his father not being on the line, he still felt awkward asking him for a favor, “I’m on interstate 6, you know … the usual route to get from Gwacheon to Seoul. Well, I’m gonna try calling someone else just in case you’re asleep… bye,” he hangs up the phone, disappointed that he was going to be stuck here longer than he hoped for.

Who else could he call, hmmm.

Ah! Yoongi! Hell maybe even Taehyung or Namjoon! Though it’d been a while since he last saw them, he was sure they’d be willing to do him the favor.

Quickly dialing their numbers one after another, he’s met with the same automated message of, “We’re sorry, you have reached a number that has been disconnected or is no longer in service. If you feel you have reached this recording in error, please check your number and try your call again.”

“Damn, they probably changed numbers,” Seokjin mumbles to himself, unsure of what to do.

Glancing at the time in his watch, he realizes just how late it was. Who else could he call….

The image of you appears in his mind, but he’s quick to shake his head no. He was the last person who could call to ask for a favor, but damn was your number the only number he had left in his memory. 

And it wasn’t like he could sleep in his car for the night, that was only an invitation to get robbed on the side of the road. 

He needed some kind of help, and quickly at that. And the chances that you were already home were pretty high, never being much of a partier to begin with.

“Fuck it,” he mutters, promising himself that this would be the last time he ever asked you for anything. He could only hope that you still lived in the same apartment….

“We should really start heading back home,” you whisper to Seojun’s ear, the rehearsal dinner having only awkwardly resumed about an hour or two ago. Things were barely beginning to get comfortable again among the guests, not like you could really blame them, they had just witnessed something that looked like it came out of a movie.

“Y/N,” he chuckles, “Have some fun,” he says, as this was probably your 10th time saying this in the last hour, “You deserve it,” he tries to convince you, your whole mood having gone sour since the whole mishap.

Sighing, you look away shyly, “I don’t know Seojun—”

“Come onnnn,” he teases, gently pulling you into a hug, “Just one more hour.”

You roll your eyes, “Hm fine,” you say, easily convinced, “but only one,” you reaffirm.

He nods, “only one.”

“Hello, we are currently either sleeping or—Jin I’m making the message for the voicemail thingy majiggy—” the sound of a high pitched laugh in the background is heard, and Jin remembers how he had been poking fun at you for using your “I mean business” voice, “as I was saying, we are currently either sleeping or at work! Sorry we couldn’t reach your call at this time, but please please please leave a message after the beep and we’ll make sure to get back to you as soon as we can! You ready? Beeeeeep!”

Jin laughs at how silly you sounded, surprised that you hadn’t changed the message in the last 3 years. It probably meant you had no reason to, considering it was pretty rare that you didn’t pick up a phone. 

Meaning maybe you weren’t picking up on purpose….

Jin shakes his head, reminding himself that he was calling on a payphone and that there was no way you could see it was him. It was just self doubt getting to him.

“Hey y/n it’s me um Seokjin,” he awkwardly laughs, “I know I don’t really deserve to be asking you for a favor right now, but um,” he exhales a deep breath, “I’m sorta stranded right now and well I tried calling everyone else I could think of at the top of my head, I swear, but no one picks up,” he wants to make sure you understand that you really were his last option, “I promise that after this it’ll be the last time you see or hear of me, but I’m just really tired and well I just wanna go home and sleep. So if you can, I’ll be on interstate 6 with LadyBug,” he chuckles, “Um …” he’s unsure of how to end the voicemail, “I’ll see you soon then… bye ….”

Sighing, he walks back to his car, deciding he was going to try one more time before officially giving up. Twisting the key, he could only cross his fingers that it’d start up.

Vrooom.

A toothy grin appears on Jin’s face as he childishly celebrates, “Oh thank God,” he whispers to himself, rubbing his eyes and preparing himself for the drive ahead.

“Y/N,” your mom calls out to you from the dance floor, a shock ridden expression on her face, “Y/N!” she yells again, this time grabbing your attention.

“What is it mom?” you ask, unaware of the severity of what she was about to tell you.

“We need to go outside, I—” she seems out of breath, “I need to tell you something,” her voice shakes, and an immediate concern covers your face.

“Right now?” you ask, confused as to what could be so important that she needed to tell you at this very moment, in the middle of your wedding reception.

Silently she nods, leading you outside, her hand intertwined with yours. Your dad, with a solemn expression on his face, follows not too far behind.

“Something’s happened y/n…” she begins, voice wavering, “It’s about Seokjin…”

Inaudible words are spoken. 

And soon you fall to the ground, the shock paralyzing you in such a way that you were sure this had to be some cruel nightmare, the sound of silent muffled sobs escaping your lips and filling the air. 

A tragic story coming to its end.

“He died that night driving,” you hauntingly say, “A car had swerved into the opposite lane, and he was just too tired,” your voice shakes, “He didn’t see it in time,” tears fall down your eyes, “He died that night thinking I didn’t love him when in reality I loved him more than ever before. I was just too prideful to admit it,” you wipe the tears from your cheeks.

Jimin and Jia were at a loss for words, shock running through their veins, their eyes wet with their own tears, “You-You’re lying…” Jimin’s voice breaks, unable to comprehend what you had just told them.

“His mom didn’t get the call from the police until she got home, and even then she immediately rushed to the hospital, clinging onto the tiny bit of hope that he’d be just fine,” you shake your head, lips quivering at the recollection of everything, “She told my mom the next by calling my dad’s travel phone, felt like as a close friend … I deserved to know.”

“Grandma…” Jia says weakly.

“I always ask myself what if I hadn’t agreed to stay that extra hour that night. What if I had gone home like I should’ve and heard that voicemail? Because if I had, I would’ve gone to go get him without even a second thought. But like I said, I’ve just had to accept that what happened happened, and there’s nothing I could do to change that.”

Seojun gently knocks on your bedroom door, dressed in an all black suit, “Y/N…” he softly says your name, “Today’s the funeral… you,” he pauses, “you have to get up…” his voice is gentle, but firm, “You—” he hesitates, “You have to go y/n, you have to say goodbye,” he whispers.

He hears you attempt to muffle your sobs, just like you had been for every night of the last month. But in a room full of utter silence, it was almost impossible not to hear you. 

“Y/N…” he slowly enters the dark room, heart breaking at the sight of you aimlessly staring at the ceiling. Sitting beside you, he begins to gently run his hand through your hair, an effort to comfort you.

But the heartfelt action only makes you sob harder, reminding you of the person you had lost, “I—” you barely croak the words out, “I just want to sleep,” you whisper, because you knew that it was only in your dreams that this wretched reality no longer existed. It was only in your dreams that he still… existed. It was the only time you were truly happy.

But by going to that funeral, it meant coming to face with the reality that everything was indeed real. That Kim Seokjin was truly dead.

“I know you do y/n…” he frowns, “but you have to say goodbye,” he repeats his words from earlier.

Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye.

Didn’t he understand? You didn’t want to say goodbye! You weren’t ready, and you weren’t sure if you were ever going to be.

“I don’t want to,” your voice cracks, face feeling moist because of how much you’d been crying.

“I-I know y/n but—” he’s unsure of what to say. What the hell could he say? You were mourning, you were heartbroken. The man you loved more than the world itself was dead, and there was nothing that could be done about it.

“I have to say goodbye,” you quietly mumble into space, the phrase echoing inside your mind, “I have to say goodbye,” you repeat for a final time, an empty look in your eyes.

The rain pours as you watch the casket get lowered, almost as if grieving itself.

There’s a haunting emptiness in the atmosphere, everyone still in too much shock and disbelief to believe that this was all real.

All you could do was blankly stare at what was in front of you, trying your best to tune out Mrs. Kim’s raw sobs, the sound being too much to bear. 

She had lost her very first born. The child she learned how to nurture, the child whose job was for her to protect, the child who was one of her greatest joys in this world, but most importantly the child she had no doubt loved unconditionally. And so to hear her cry with such a deep hysteria…. it was just too much….

Your mom squeezes your hand tightly, knowing that no words could take away the pain that you were feeling. She had first hand witnessed the love Kim Seokjin had for you, watching it go from a faint crush when you two were teenagers to a love so strong she was once sure it was unbreakable. You were going to get through this dark period in your life, that she was sure of, but the real question was when exactly would you come to accept it.

The clergy makes the final cross motion, ending his eulogy with God knows what because right now everything was just a big blur for you. Because even now with the sight of his casket being lowered six feet under and seeing both his mother and siblings cry like never before, it just didn’t feel real.

Slowly members of his family begin to leave after bidding their final goodbyes, with the occasional number of them stopping to give you their condolences, only making your heart wrench even more. You weren’t his wife, so why were they treating you like some widow? You didn’t deserve their consolation because you didn’t choose him. Like the horrible person you were, you just watched him leave that night. If it weren’t for you—

“Y/N?” a familiar voice interrupts your thoughts.

Turning, you feel your body go cold, “Y-Yoongi?” and beside him were none other than Namjoon and Taehyung, all three of them having tear stained eyes. 

With sad eyes, they give you a small smile, clearly hurting themselves at the loss of their dear friend.

Soon you’re embraced in a hug by them, your body still in disbelief at the sight of them. It had been so long since you’d last seen them, years in fact. Never did you imagine your reunion with them would be here.

“W-we would’ve gotten here sooner but we caught traffic,” Taehyung says with a weak voice, eyes on the verge of spilling more tears.

And for the first time in a month, a small smile appears on your face, “You’re—” you sniffle, “You’re such a bad liar,” and he pulls you in for another hug, this time allowing those tears to fall.

The four of you soon stand in silence, words not having to be exchanged in order to understand what you were all feeling.

Namjoon suddenly speaks, “The last time I saw him was was the day he first came back into town, Christmas,” Yoongi smiles at the memory, all three of them being there, “He stopped by our apartment before going back to his mom’s, said he wanted to say hi,” Joon continues, “even apologized for just disappearing out of nowhere.”

“Tch that idiot,” Yoongi mumbles, “he said the first place he wanted to go was the diner but that they were closed,” Yoongi’s eyes glisten, trying his best not to cry.

“He then promised that for the next time he saw us, he’d to treat us to a meal and some soju,” Taehyung feigns a laugh, “We never got to take him up on it though...” his eyes lower.

“But the thing I’ll remember the most was his horrible attempt at finding out how you were after all those years,” Namjoon shakes his head, a dimpled smile appearing on his face.

Yoongi’s face lights up, remembering just how much he teased Jin that night, “You should’ve seen him,” he chuckles, “Not only were his ears red like how they’d always get but his whole face as well,”  tears fall from Yoongi’s face as he laughs, “He looked like a tomato.”

“Ah and the mullet,” Taehyung reminds them, and soon the clear image of the Jin you’d fallen in love with when you were seventeen appears in your mind.

And for the first time since their appearance, you speak, “He—” you softly chuckle, “He was always convinced he’d bring them back in style,” and the boys feel a sudden sense of happiness in seeing you talk about him.

“Yeah he was—” Namjoon suddenly stops speaking, the boys and him now staring at something behind you.

It was Mrs. Kim, who was now walking towards the four of you, a box in her hands. A solemn smile graces her face.

One by one, she hugs each one of them, turning her attention towards you last, “I was—” she pauses, “I was hoping I could talk to you, privately,” she says, the boys silently nodding and bidding a silent farewell to you, glad to have made you smile, even if it was for a temporary moment.

She leads you to a bench, not too far away from his grave. 

By now the rain had stopped and the sky was now a gloomy shade of gray. 

Placing the box on her lap, for a small moment both of you simply stare at the view in front of you in silence.

You hadn’t talked to her since the night of your rehearsal dinner, not because you didn’t want to, but because looking at her reminded you so much of him. It reminded you of that first day you met him, how she had forced him to show you around town, not knowing that the two of you would be head over heels for one another years down the road. She, along with your mom, had always been your guys’ number one fan, always rooting for the both of you.

“He really did love you,” she stares off into the distance, “up until his very last breath, I’m sure,” she whispers.

You lower your gaze, unable to look at her.

Oddly enough, there was a peaceful aura in the air, both quiet and serene. Just like he would’ve loved it to be. He never did like seeing people cry.

“Whenever he’d come back home to visit, you should’ve seen the way his eyes would light up when he’d talk about you,” she smiles, “always eager to talk about what you were doing with your career,” she fiddles with her wedding ring, “Sungjin would get peeved but Seokjin wouldn’t care,” she chuckles, “he just loved you that much.”

At the mention of his father, only then fo you realize that you hadn’t seen him at all the entire service, “Where’s—” you’re hesitant to ask, not wanting to push boundaries, “Where’s Mr. Kim?” you croak. Yeah, he and Jin didn’t have the best relationship, but did that really matter now? Did any of it matter at this point?

She bitterly smiles, “He’s grieving in his own way,” she says, her voice breaking and her eyes still watery, “Those two had a tough love relationship,” she feigns a laugh, “but—” her voice cracks, “I always secretly knew that Seokjin was Sungjin’s favorite,” she sniffles her tears, “he just wasn’t good at showing it.”

You try your best not to cry, too physically and emotionally exhausted to sob any more. To you, it was just better to be numb than to feel every single emotion heightened, but God was it so hard. Everything just had to be so fucking hard. 

Tightly, you grip the bench with your fingers, biting your lip in effort to suppress your emotions.

Slowly, she begins to open the box, pulling out what seemed to be childhood photos of Jin. 

A genuine smile appears on her face as she begins to show you them, wet tears splashing onto the squared photos, “I—” she stutters, “I wanted you to have these,” she begins to explain, handing some of the photos off to you, “I tried looking for the photos and videos he’d take when you two met but,” she frowns, “but I don’t if he threw them away or—” she begins to ramble, “so I brought you these instead. I’m sorry they’re not of the exact memory you have of him,” she feigns a chuckle, “you know Seokjin,” she scratches the back of her neck, reminding you of exactly where Jin got his mannerisms from, “he never did like taking pictures.”

She flips through more of the photos, “I’m sorry there’s not that many,” her voice shakes, “I just—”

She needed to keep her memories of him too, is what you know she wants to say. 

You notice that she’s also thrown some of Jin’s favorite things in the box, his denim jacket, the original little Mario figure he had always kept on his bed stand and his favorite Mariah Carey album, Daydream.

“I understand Mrs. Kim,” you softly say, “Thank you,” you whisper to her, embracing her in a tight hug.

“I should be the one thanking you,” she says in return. Thank you for loving him, are the unspoken words that linger in the air.

“I should—” you lower your gaze, “I should get going,” you say, feeling as if the world was spinning, your breathing now becoming rapid.

With the cardboard box in your hands, she watches as you hurriedly leave, only hoping that rather than haunt you, things could one day get better for you.

Running as far as you could, you hide behind a pillar. 

It was all too much. 

Everything was just too much.

Finally, silent sobs escape your mouth as you squat against the cement pillar. Grabbing his jacket from the box, you sob into it. 

You just couldn’t let go.

As much as you wanted this all to be some horrible nightmare, you knew deep down it wasn’t. This mind numbing pain was all too real and unbearable for it to be some dream. You weren’t going to be waking up and finding Jin by your bedside, you weren’t going to hear his high pitched laugh ever again, and you weren’t ever going to be able to tell him just how much you still loved him.  

Because Kim Seokjin was never coming back.

Your Jin was never coming back. 

And it was completely all your fault for it. It was all your stupid miserable fault. If only you had—

“Y/N?” Seojun crouches down to face you, genuine concern on his face. “You’re—” he stutters, “You’re gonna get sick standing out here,” he wipes your snotty nose with his suit’s handkerchief.  

Seojun was trying. He was trying to be as supportive as he could, and you understood that, truly you did. But just looking at him was a reminder of your choice because at the end of the day he was the person you chose over—

“It’s going to get dark soon y/n,” he whispers, “I-I think we should get going.”

You stare at him in silence and then turn to face the direction of the grave.

He wanted you to say goodbye.

But you just … you just weren’t ready to.

Because there lied the boy you were once so certain you’d have a future with. The boy who was capable of making you laugh even on gloomy days like this. The one who loved you on your good and bad days. The one who stood in a room full of people just to tell you how much he still loved you, something you knew he was probably so nervous about. 

And so you just couldn’t let go.

But knowing you’d couldn’t stay here forever, you had to do the most humane thing you could possibly do. You had to live on.  

“And so I did, all for him…”

“Yeojin!” you grab your mischievous 4 year old from the waist, stopping her blatant attempt at touching the stove, “What did I say about trying to touch the stove,” you scold her, and all she does is giggle, clearly unaware of the potential consequences of her actions. 

Sadly you couldn’t be too mad, she was still learning right from wrong, but when it came to things like this, it was hard to keep your patience.

Carrying her up the stairs, you continue to scold her, “Remember what I said about it being hot,” you remind her, “you don’t want to end up with your fingers all red, do you?”

She nods her head no, “Of course not mommy.”

“Then,” you sigh, placing your little girl on her bed.

“Daddy said I’m in-de-struct-ible,” she sounds out the new word she’s recently learned, “Like Spiderman!” she mimics the superhero’s web shooting ability, the movie she just saw recently still clearly still in her mind.

“Okay Spiderman, I think it’s time you take a nap,” you say, and she mumbles something inaudible in return, “Hey hey, don’t go giving attitude now little lady,” you hide your smile, “it’s too early for all of that.”

Though not wanting to sleep, she allows you to tuck her in, already planning to get up and play with her toys once you left.

Taking note of her grumpy attitude, you place a kiss on her forehead, gently combing a hand through her hair, “I love you,” you coo.

“I love you too Mommy,” and before you knew it, her eyes were closed, the little girl now “sound asleep”, or at least that’s what you thought.

Sighing, you leave the room, gently closing the door. 

That girl was a handful, most definitely, but she was everything you had in this world. Your symbol to keep moving forward, despite that constant need to look back.

Going down the stairs, you hum Mariah Carey’s new song, “We Belong Together” , the famous singer’s latest comeback single having topped the charts these days.

“When you left I lost a—” the smell of something burning gathers your attention, the intense scent of cooking oil alarming you that something was wrong. Your mind goes back to when you grabbed Yeojin from reaching the stove, her arm clearly outstretched—

Boom!

The kitchen illuminates an intense shade of red, a fire now starting from the stove, “Oh my—” immediately you run up the stairs because despite your mind being in utter chaos, one thing was clear: you had to get Yeojin out of here.

Frantically turning the knob to her door, you come to realize that it’s locked, “Yejin!” you yell.

“Mommy, I’m playing!” she giggles, oblivious to the danger you both were in.

You practically begin to punch the door, “Yejin I need you to open the door!” your breathing becomes heavy, panic now flowing in your veins. Smoke was beginning to reach upstairs, signaling to you that this fire was moving fast, dangerously fast.

Taking a deep breath, you take a couple of steps back from her door, “1..2…” using all your force, you ram into the door, effectively opening it in the process.

Without a second thought you grab Yeojin, wrapping one of her blankets around her body and face, immediately running down the stairs as fast as you possibly could. 

By now the whole entire living room and kitchen were in flames, and you could hear Yeojin begin to whimper, confused as to what was going on.

“Everything’s gonna be okay baby,” you soothe her, your hand regrettably grabbing the door knob.

Immediately you hiss in pain, retracting your hand, “Oh God,” your hand felt as if it was sizzling. 

There was no way you could get to the window, not without risking your daughter’s safety.

Preparing yourself for what you were about to do, you mentally reassure yourself, completely grabbing the door handle and twisting it, withholding the screams you desperately wanted to let out until you were out.  

Running out, you place your daughter on the neighbor's front yard, the family immediately coming to assist you.

By now the whole neighborhood was standing outside their houses, concern and worry evident on their faces, “Oh my God y/n,” your neighbor notices the burn on your hand, “Go grab the kit in the basement!” she instructs her son.

By now, your breathing was erratic, a result of all the smoke you had inhaled, “T-The f-fire de—”

“We’ve already called them, they should be on their way. I’ve called Seojun’s job as well—” she immediately reassures you, “You need to relax y/n,” she tells you, but immediately your mind goes to something inside your house that was irreplaceable.

Mrs. Kim’s box.

Getting up from the lawn, you hear Yeojin call out to you, “Mommy!” she yells as you begin to run back to the house, focused on one thing and one thing only. 

Getting that box.

“Y/N!” your neighbor tries to get you to come back, but by then you were already making your way inside, using your shirt as a cover for both your mouth and nose, a measly attempt at having more time inside the house.

Running up stairs, you barge into your room, immediately looking to the spot in your closet where you always had the box, but to your shocking surprise… it wasn’t there.

“What the…” you mumble to yourself, your lungs beginning to feel heavy again. 

Without a second thought, you begin to ravage the room, knowing your time in here was limited. The fire was going to reach up the stairs at any moment, and once it did, it was over for you.

“What the fuck!” you yell to the empty room, feeling as if you were on the verge of an utter mental breakdown. It had to be here! There was no way you moved it, and Seojun knew better than to touch it. Putting a halt to your search, your eyes widen when you come to realize something.

What the hell was Yeojin playing with?

The Mario figure.

And in the blink of an eye, you run out the room, only to find the hallway now engulfed in flames, making it almost impossible to get into her room, not unless you wanted to burn to death.

“No…” you say under your breath, refusing to believe the box was in there. Your vision was beginning to get hazy and your head was pounding, now unsure if it was because of the fire or if it was because of the state of shock you were in. Tears begin to fall from your eyes as you hear the sound of the firetrucks nearing the house.

“Seokjin…” your voice breaks, realizing that the final things you had to remember him by were now gone. But despite your state of grief, your body knew it had to move on its own. Because by staying here, you’d inevitably die, and he wouldn't want that, not because of something like this.

Lifting up the window in your bedroom, you begin to slowly place your body out, trying your best to work with one hand. The fire was beginning to get to your bedroom, and you simply couldn’t afford to wait for the firemen to come with a ladder.

Sucking the pain up for one final time, you place your injured hand onto the ledge as well, now dangling outside the window, a scream of pain coming out of your mouth.

“Oh my God, Y/N!” you hear Seojun call out to you, “I’m gonna get you help, just hang on!” he yells, immediately running back to the front yard to presumably tell a fireman.

But the pain on your hand was just too much.

You needed to let go.

Even if it meant getting hurt in the process.

And soon you feel the impact of the floor, your arm taking mosting of the hit, most definitely dislocating. The last thing you see being the paramedics.

“Mommy! Mommy! Look what I made for you with all the other kids who were visiting their mommies and daddies!” Yeojin eagerly shows you the scribbling piece of art she created from her car seat, a toothy grin on her face.

“It looks amazing Yeojin,” you feign a smile, trying your best to act normal. Today you had been discharged from the hospital after about 2 weeks of getting your hand and arm treated along with having multiple tests ran because of the amount of smoke you inhaled.

Now, with bandages wrapped around your hand and a heavy cast, which the doctor said would take about two to three months to completely heal, you were on your way to your new (temporary) home. The fire had ravaged absolutely everything, sparing not a single thing in its sight.

It was your fault really, you shouldn't have had the cooking oil so close to the stove, especially without its cap on.

You turned your attention to Seojun, his quietness during the whole car ride not going unnoticed by you. It seemed as if whenever he did talk or laugh, it was unmistakingly fake.

Deciding you weren’t going to press him on it in front of Yeojin, you tell Yeojin to go upstairs to her room once you arrive.

Sighing, you place your things on the dining table, your free arm now feeling sore from its now constant use. 

You attempt to make small conversation with your husband, “The insurance company called me at the hospital, said almost everything was covered…” you bring up, but he remains stoic.

You try again, “Yeojin seems to have made a lot of friends, with the way she was rambl—”

He finally breaks his silence by interrupting you, “Why did you do it...” he mumbles, causing your eyebrows to perk up, “Why did you run back into that fire?” he asks, trying to contain his anger.

You feel your body freeze for a moment before answering, “I told you already, I wanted to get the papers in the sa—”

He’s quick to cut you off, venom in his voice, “Stop lying,” he grits his teeth, “There was—” he shakes his head, “There was only one thing in that house that I’m sure you’d risk your life for Y/N, so let’s stop acting dense here…”

You lower your gaze, silence filling the room.

“You could’ve died y/n,” he whispers, and your silence only peeves him, “Died!” he repeats, wanting you to understand the possible severity of your actions.

Narrowing your gaze, you scoff, “You think I don’t know that,” you spit back, not exactly fond of how he was treating you, as if you weren’t a grown woman capable of understanding the consequences of your actions.

“No I don’t think you do,” he retorts back, “Because if you did then you wouldn’t have ever gone back inside that house to begin with!” his voice becomes louder.

“You’re going to wake her up,” you refer to Yeojin, who was probably taking a nap in her room.

It was now his turn to scoff, “Like you care.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” you growl in return.

“You almost left her without a mother!” he finally yells, “All for that goddamn—” he stops himself midway, unable to finish the sentence.

You glare at him, knowing exactly what he wanted to say, your eyes already getting watery at the thought of it, “Say it,” you challenge him, “Say what you’ve been wanting to say for all these years,” you mutter.

“He’s gone y/n…” he tiredly whispers under his breath, maintaining your gaze, “He’s been gone for 4 years now!” he cries out, and you feel your face twist in anguish.

“Shut up,” you mutter.

“It’s time to accept it y/n, you can’t keep letting him haunting you, you can’t keep being in deni—”

“Just shut up!” you yell but he relents.

“Life has moved on y/n,” his voice breaks, “it’s time that you do too!”

“But I have! Can’t you see?” tears are uncontrollably falling down your face by now, “I stayed with you despite it all!” you scream, now heaving in anger, “I had a kid with you, we bought that big old house you always wanted—”

“And why is that y/n? Why did you stay with me after his death, huh? Why?” he asks you, his questions ringing in your head, making you feel as if you were going insane.

“Because I made a choice that day!” you yell loud enough for your voice to echo across the room, everything coming to a haunting silence, “Because I chose you that night, when I could’ve chosen him,” you cry, “And I can’t bring myself to regret that choice, not anymore at least, because regretting you would mean regretting her!” you glance at the stairs, signalling that you were talking about Yejin, “And I just can’t bring myself to do that. I chose you, and I have to deal with that decision for the rest of my life. I got up from that bed years ago and went on with my life all for you—”

He shakes his head, “No you didn’t…” he frowns, “You didn’t…”

You did it for him.

“Y/N he’s dead…” Seojun repeats, his heart still wrenching for you even years later, “it’s time you let go and begin to live for yourself. Not for him, not for me, not for her, but for you,” he grabs your hand, squeezing it in the process, “It’s time you let go.”

You pull your hand back, refusing to accept it, “I just—” you muster up your tears, “I just wanted to save what was left of him. Because without it he just existed in my memory and—” your voice shakes, “and now he really only does. Because now he’s really gone,” you sob,“ Can-Can you really blame me?” you weakly say.

“I can’t,” he says, “but I also can’t keep doing this anymore,” he murmurs, “I’ve tried y/n, I really have. But I can’t help someone who doesn’t want to be helped, and I have to prioritize Yeojin first and so I think—” he struggles to continue, “I think we should get a—”

“Divorce,” you scoff, tears still flowing down your face.

He gulps, “I’ve been talking with a lawyer for about a year now, we’d get joint custody, with no need for court because I don’t see us having to make this a longer process than it needs to be.” 

“You’re not taking my daughter away from me,” you clench your teeth. 

“I know I’m not and I wasn’t planning on it because damn it y/n, you’re an amazing mother. Truly, you are. But—” he pauses, “But until you find closure and acceptance then I think—I think she should stay with me for the meanwhile, until you’re ready that is.”

Until you’re ready to let go.

By now you were fully sobbing again because not only were you unable to control your emotions, but because you knew he was right. Ever since Seokjin’s death, he was the one who had to hear you silently cry at night, the one who had to accept that no matter what Seokjin would always be the one dearest to you, and who secretly hoped that with time it’d be something you’d get past.

Had it been anyone else, and you were sure they would’ve left you the day Seokjin passed. But Seojun was different, Seojun understood. But he couldn’t prioritize you anymore, not with Yeojin now in the picture.

You feel his arms wrap themselves around your frame, comforting you for a final time, “I’m sorry, for everything,” he whispers.

“Me too Seojun,” you hum in return, “Me too.”

The smell of the fresh rain hitting the concrete headstones fills your nose as you make your way to the resting place of the person you once loved the most. You hadn’t been here since the funeral, too in denial to ever really visit.

It had been three months since your separation with Seojun, your arm now fully healed. Currently, you were staying at a small apartment near your parent’s house, still unable to bring yourself to stay at their place. Not with the amount of memories it brought on.

The last you’d heard, Mrs. Kim had also moved, and you assumed it was for the same reason you couldn’t bring yourself to go back home. It was just too much.

Placing the red roses on top of the headstone, you make yourself comfortable by sitting on the grass, not caring if it was moist from the rain.

You just wanted to talk to him.

“I’m getting divorced, you know?” you begin, deciding to catch him up on recent events, “Things didn’t seem to work out between me and Seojun,” you chuckle, staring at your now naked ring finger ,“Not that you hadn’t predicted it already.”

Silence.

“We had a daughter together,” you mention the hyper little girl, “Her name is Yeojin, I think you would’ve loved the name,” you say, “She—”already you feel tears beginning to well up in your eyes, “She sorta laughs like you, that same kind of laugh that unintentionally makes everyone around her laugh,” you begin to ramble, “she seems to like Mariah Carey as much as you too, she’s the only artist we’ve noticed that can get Yeojin up and dancing. I’m sure she would’ve loved to dance with you,” tears begin to fall from your eyes.

The soft sprinkles of the rain surprisingly soothe you. 

“God, I’m such a crybaby,” you mumble, remembering how Jin would tease you for your sensitivity to things, “It’s just so hard, you know? Sometimes it still feels like you’ll walk through the door with a VHS movie you just rented in your hand, talking about how excited you are to see it after hearing reviews,” you laugh, “or that you’ll come in the room to tell me to fix your hair after cutting it crookedly.”

You place your hand on his headstone, softly grazing your palm against its rough surface, “You know scientist theorize that there’s possibly billions to an infinite number of parallel universes out there,” you chuckle, “I learned about it in my introductory course to Physics my first year in college, I don’t know if you remember me babbling about it,” you continue, “But it means that there are cosmic patches which are exactly like ours where everything has happened exactly like this one, meaning somewhere out there there’s someone exactly like us, except they have the possibility to do things different. And so... I wonder in which universe did we get our happy ending?” you solemnly ask, “I—”

“Y-Y/N?” a familiar voice says your name from behind, and immediately you turn to face the person.

“Mr-Mr.Kim?” you say in disbelief, as you hadn’t seen the man in years. Not since the final year you were still with Jin. 

You scan his appearance, wrinkles and gray hairs now more prevalent on him, but yet he still looked like the spitting image of his son. He just looked more … tired.

He places the flowers in his hands next to yours, silently taking a seat next to you. You were still staring at him in shock as he was the last person you would’ve expected to see today.

“It’s—It’s been a while,” he says, and originally you were unsure if he was saying it to you or his son, that was until he turned his attention towards you.

Silently, you nod, unsure of what to say, “Yeah,” you mumble.

“Do you often come here?” he asks.

Ashamed, you nod your head no, “This is actually my first time since the funeral,” you confess.

He hums a response, not in a place to judge, “Nothing to be ashamed about little girl, we all have our own ways of grieving and coping with a loss,” and you’re surprised to hear such comforting words from him. In the years you’d known him, you couldn’t recall a time where you had an actual genuine conversation with him. It was depressing that it had to be now.

“Do—” you hesitate, “Do you?” you gulp, “Do you often come here?” you repeat his question. 

Coughing first, he then responds, “Every Friday since his funeral,” his fingers tremble, and you were unsure if was because of his age or because of the topic he was currently talking about, “I do it to catch up with my boy, keep him up to date with the things you young people are doing,” he explains, eyes now glistening, “it’s the least I could do for him,” he mumbles.

A silence follows after.

Feeling bold, you ask him something you’d been curious about for a long time, “Why didn’t you come to the funeral?”

He stares at the headstone, “I—” he sighs, “He was my first born, my first son, my—” he hardens his jaw to prevent himself from crying, “The night it happened he called the house, asking me to go pick him up. I had been tired from work that night, so I went to sleep early,” you feel your heart twist, “If I hadn’t overworked myself that day, I could have picked up that phone call and told him to stay where he was, that I’d be there in no time because at the end of the day he was my son who I loved like no other, even if we had a rocky relationship. He still called his dad for help, and I—” he takes a deep breath in, feeling himself lose control, “I let him down,” he ultimately says, “And so I let the guilt eat me alive, to the point where I felt like I didn’t deserve to go to my son’s funeral.”

You stare at him in silence, understanding exactly what he felt. For you had felt that same guilt all these years.

“I quit my job following his death, and fell into a deep depression like no other. Yerin and I were even close to getting a divorce, the loss of our son adding a strain to our marriage,” he explains, “She had managed to accept and let go of her pain, but for me it was just too much. I couldn’t accept that he was gone,” he pauses, “I just couldn’t let go.” 

A single tear falls from his eye.  

“I was breathing , but no longer was I living,” he continues, “And so I needed to learn how to live for myself. I needed to accept that he was gone. I needed to say goodbye, even if it hurt to do so,” he smiles solemnly to himself, “because once I finally did, it was liberating.”

“And it was in that moment while talking with Mr. Kim that I’d come to realize that in order to start living for myself, that it was time to let go, that it was time to say goodbye.”

Getting up from the grass, you stare at Seokjin’s grave for one final time, for it was time to accept the cruel fate that had been given in this awful tale. One day you’d be back, that you were sure, but for now all that was left for you to say was....

“Goodbye Seokjin,” you whisper, ready to begin again.

Jimin and Jia stare at you in silence, both having dried tears and disbelief written on their faces. This couldn’t be how the story ended, right?

But it was.

“So you really have nothing to remember him by?” Jia asks, and you point to your forehead.

“Sadly all ll I have is this,” you say, “but for me that’s more than enough.”

You turn your attention towards Jimin, “And so here I am, having told you this story in order to teach you that you shouldn’t let your fears get in the way of allowing yourself to be happy, ” you say, “Because then you’ll live a life of nothing but regret,” and immediately he gets up from his seat.

“Where the hell are you—” Jia’s about to ask him something until you raise a finger, signaling to her to let him be.

“I’m-” he stutters, “I’m going to get my girlfriend back,” he breathes out, squeezing past Jia, “T-Thank you Ms. y/l/n. I mean it,” he says, and you only smile in return.

“I should be the one thanking you,” you whisper to yourself, watching as he hurriedly leaves the diner.

Placing money on the table, Jia smiles at you, “Come on Grandma, let’s go home,” she hugs you once you get up, making a new vow to herself to appreciate those around her and never take anything for granted. Just like Jimin had learned, she had to live for herself.

“Finally! I know I told you that you could stay out as long as you wanted but I didn’t think—” Yeojin is interrupted by the embrace of her daughter arm’s. Confused by the sudden act of affection, she narrows her eyes, “If this is some trick into getting your phone little—”

“Shhh,” Jia complains, “I can’t hug my mom?”

Allowing her skepticism to pass, Yeojin returns the hug, “Movie night?” she asks her daughter and immediately she nods.

You smile at the sight, making your way up the stairs and into your room.

Slowly, you crouch under the bed, pulling out a worn out box from under your bed, grabbing a small flash drive out of it in the process.  Placing the now vintage item into the plug-in of your TV, your mind flashes back to that last conversation you had with Mr. Kim. 

“Wait,” Mr. Kim stops you from leaving, pulling something out of his suit’s breast pocket, in what seemed to be a flash drive?

Handing you the small item, you look at him confused, “I found it in his room when we moved, not too long after his passing, I’m guessing he must’ve converted it before breaking that old camera of his and well I always carried it around just in case—” he pauses, “Just in case I ever bumped into you.”

You furrow your brows, why was he telling you this now? Why didn’t he look for you instead? 

As if reading your mind he says, “Because you’ve finally said your goodbye,” he smiles, “watch this when you’re finally allowed to look back. " 

Pressing play, you stare at the screen in front of you.

“Seokjin!” the person behind the camera sighs, “Seokjin!” Mrs. Kim yells again, and the camera begins to shake, presumably because the person was now going down the stairs.

The camera soon pans to the twins, both of them giggling at the cameraman's antics, “Say hiiii,” he cooes. And soon the door he’s recording opens and the camera pans to a 17 year old you, an awkward expression being worn on your face.

“Woah,” he whispers, zooming in on your face.

Your eyes begin to water as you watch the recorded memory.

“Seokjin, but you can call me Jin for short,” he introduces himself, the camera now recording the wall beside him, probably because of how he was carrying it in that moment.

The scene then changes.

“Come on, you know you wanna smileeee,” Jin sings, he closes the camera to your face, ultimately making you smile.

“Well cheers to a new friendship,” Taehyung announces and Jin records you all lifting your hands in the air.

The scene changes again.

“This is her first time eating kongguksu everyone,” Jin announces.

“Who are you even talking to?” you roll your eyes, grabbing the noodles with your chopsticks.

“To the people of the future!”

And you recall how Jin had winked at you that time, causing your crush on him to begin to grow more intense.

Your face gets red as he continues to record you. Taking a slurp of the noodles, you try to cover your face.

“Well what do you think?” he asks.

Your face twists, “Mmmm I don’t know,” you mumble, the taste not exactly being your favorite.

“Boooo!”

You flash him the middle finger.

The scene changes.

“Y/N” the camera begins to move around, and your giggles begin to get louder, “Hand that back to me!” the camera begins to move in an up and down motion, probably because whoever was holding it was running.

Soon the person gets tackled, but not before panning the camera onto Seokjin’s face.

“And the recorder finally gets recorded,” you laugh, and Jin attempts to cover his face, but you’re quick to remove his hands. He awkwardly avoids eye contact, allowing you to record his face.

You feel your breath hitch. It was Jin… the Jin you knew, the Jin you fell in love with. Right there in front of you.

Looking at the camera he quickly makes a kissy face, making you shriek in excitement. “There you have it folks,” you tease him, “Kim Seokjin being the model he is…”

He rolls his eyes, now attempting to reach for the camera.

“Okay okay, that’s enough,” he groans as you relent.

“Smileeee!”

The scene changes for a final time, and you see Jin sitting in his room, facing the camera you presumed he had set up. 

“Hello!” he awkwardly waves to the camera, “If you’re watching this it means one, you’ve been snooping around in this room or two, you’re Y/N.”

You feel your heart skip a beat, and your body going numb.

“Ah I don’t know how to start this,” he chuckles, scratching the back of his neck, “When I first met you, I thought you were really pretty,” he begins, “and I knew I wanted to be your friend! What I didn’t think was going to happen was that I’d end up really really realllyyyy liking you,” he laughs, “I’ve been trying to tell you for some time now,” his voice cracks, and immediately he begins to cough, trying to make himself sound as manly as possible, “So I thought why not tell you the best way I knew how … through film! That way I’ll let this video do all the work for me,” he smiles.

You laugh at how endearing he was.

“Hopefully you like me too because if not then I feel really bad for the future Jin who’s probably attentively watching your reaction and crossing his fingers. I made this collage of memories using the shitty editing programs we have at the school library so sorry if it’s not exactly the best, but …. I hope this is something you can look back on in the future and be glad I recorded, even if you complained all the time.”

Look at him, predicting the future.

“So… I’ll leave it to the future Jin to handle the rest,” he laughs, “Byeeee!” he waves to the camera. His final goodbye.

5 years later.

“Mom, slow down!” Yeojin instructs, worried about how fast you were trying to walk.

“If you can’t keep up with me, an 80 year old lady, then that should be a concern for you, not for me!” you continue with your daily walk, enjoying the spring weather. 

“If you’re not careful you cou—” Yeojin suddenly stops speaking, now having caught up to you. “Mom?” Yeojin asks, concerned as to what you two were staring at with such a shocked expression on your face. Following your gaze, she notices a man staring at you a little girl tugging at his shirt.

“Daddy! I wanna play on the swings!” she pouts at the lack of attention her father was giving her. Immediately you recognize the woman sitting on the bench behind them, remembering her once crying face which was now replaced with a grin as she carried a second (younger) child in her arms.

Slowly the man raises his hand, waving at you with a warm smile on his face.

A single tear falls from your eye as you wave back, your heart swelling at the sight.

And as quick as the moment was, it ended just as fast. As slowly, you began to walk away, while he went on to play with this young daughter. Two strangers crossing paths for a final time. 

“Do you know that man?” Yeojin cluelessly asks, confused about the exchange that just happened in front of her.

You nod your head, a smile still on your face, “No,” you chuckle, “No I don’t,” you ultimately say, continuing with your walk.

a/n: whew ! & that’s the end ! if you’ve made it this far then i want to personally thank you! i don’t really expect this story to get many notes well because it’s sad and well ik i personally don’t normally click on major character death fics haha. if you enjoyed this fic then (if you can) please please please leave a comment/review/like/reblog (whichever works best for you) and you can always hop in my ask box for any questions or comments :) im thinking of making an alternative ending for this one day, maybe after i finish the whole tun series, but we’ll see haha. ill see yall next time ! <3