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Hospital update-2
IM HOME IM FINALLY HOME!!! drs said im ok but i have small cold plus bronchitis so…i was put on inhaler and a couple meds but im ok! im back home…i was in the ER for over 5 and a half hours!!! time done 4:20 am
I’m Home | Namjoon
Summary line: What are you to him?
On the car ride home, neither of you said anything. Namjoon was speechless and you had nothing to say. Both of you were just absorbed in thought.
You figured you could handle a lot of things as an idol’s girlfriend.
You were willing to put up the fact that he spent more time huddled to a computer and his phone, writing lyrics, than spending time with his arms around you. You could put up with the fact that he spent hours on end looking at himself in the mirror as he perfected the choreography to the best of his abilities more than he looked at you. You could put up with the fact that during their promotions, for months on end, you see him on the TV or computer screen more than you see him in person.
You could put up with the fact that you get anonymous hate letters and stalkers, be they paparazzi or curious fans. You could deal with the fact that there are saesang fans out there who only scream murder at the mention of your happiness. You could deal with watching him at fan meetings, fan signs, and all other activities where many women would practically throw themselves at him with verbal and expressive flirtations, to which he would never accept, but never reject either. You could deal with seeing countless fan reaction videos of how they think Namjoon should dump you and focus on his career, normally out of sheer jealousy or concern that he’s not doing his job to satisfy them. You could deal with all these people who didn’t know either of you to be so unreceptive to your relationship. You knew what you signed up for; you were willing to bear the cross and you were willing to support him through all these things.
What you weren’t ready for was what hit closer to home, namely his.
Tonight was the sixth time you met his immediate family, but the first time to see his other relatives. It was a large family barbeque with all of them. They haven’t seen their star relative in the longest time. It was such an excitement for everyone to see him. But they felt like the party had been crashed when you showed up along by his side, his arm wrapped around your waist.
Everyone could see his grin was genuine; his dimples were the deepest pits of happiness they’ve ever seen on his face. But that wasn’t enough for them. You weren’t the type of person they expected him to be with. At his age, whether or not he’s currently career-driven, they imagined someone a little more traditional than you, someone that they could see him getting married to. Everything about you defined a person that was the complete opposite of their ideal girlfriend/future wife they had thought of for their famous relative.
At the sight of his turned back, sneers and glares were all you received. With his attention on one conversation, his family didn’t care to converse about the ideal woman they felt was more suited to Namjoon. They would audibly point out many features and traits of a woman they felt was fit for him, every bullet point were marked to be everything you weren’t. No one would ever out rightly say their disappointment or despise of you, but body language is universal and passive aggressive way to beat-around-the-bush were too easy to spot.
With each passing quarter of an hour, you had to excuse yourself to the bathroom and inhale large breaths as you deflated your anger and depressed feelings. You still had an hour and a half before the nightmare was over and you were not going to lose this.
Eventually, whispers have caught his ears and flipped fingers stung at his peripheral vision. He was angrier than you for their overly conservative ideas and tactless indiscretion. Neither of you ever thought of this to be your biggest obstacle.
He felt like he would always be a black sheep to the family in terms of his choices. First, being a rapper was unacceptable until he had proven himself otherwise. Now his choice of who he dated was a concern for them? It’s not like he was the sole provider of future generations in this family, and even if he was, he wouldn’t give a damn about who they thought he should date.
The moment he picked up that not only did he start to hear and see all the signs, but you’ve apparently been silently swallowing all of this all day and into the evening, he excused himself early to leave, much to everyone’s disappoint. Most likely when you two left, they all outwardly talked about how you probably whined about the party having no one to talk to.
He didn’t bring it up, and neither did you. First of all, he wasn’t always the best at comforting people, and luckily for as long as he knew you, you had been emotionally stable enough to deal with everything thrown at your way. He admired your resilience. But this was something new for you to overcome and dealing with the new was not always easy, he knew that.
You didn’t bring it up because you didn’t think you could really say anything. Were you going to blow up and say mean and disrespectful things about his family in retaliation? No. Were you going to complain to him how he didn’t stand up for you? It really did bother you at some level, but on his defense, he didn’t know until the last minute, in which he decided to avoid the rest of the night and the family altogether. That accounts for something, right? Anything?
Since he didn’t bring it up, he only acted as if everything was normal. All he got out of you were mumbled replies. The melancholy he felt in the air was the deepest pool he had ever plunged himself into.
When the two of you finally laid together at the end of your night, he had one arm around you as you had your head at his chest. Neither of you had closed your eyes though.
“Namjoon?” You whispered. His eyes flickered down to the top of your head and his chin tilted slightly.
“Yes?” He asked quietly.
You breathed and closed your eyes, snuggling closer to him, “I know you don’t normally do these things, but if you ever do, I have a request. Please, find a way to express how much I mean to you.”
4 months later, your phone rang its notifications of Bangtan’s youtube channel of their new music video, disturbing you from watching the boy’s do a live Vapp countdown to their new album release. You had already pre-ordered the album from BigHit and it should come at any day now.
“Everyone, please give us a lot of love! We worked really hard.” Namjoon grinned to the camera as the rest of the boys huddled their faces around his, trying their best to fit everyone’s face into the view. Seriously, if they weren’t so excited, maybe they’d think to take one step back so everyone had an equal share of face time.
“I hope this is what you’ve been looking for.” Namjoon’s last words caught your attention and you whipped your head to the video to see his face. He stared at the camera with such profound understanding that had reached you, even though you were but a few miles away from their company building.
Someone had rang your bell and you looked up and back at the Vapp. It was live, so obviously no one from BigHit would be here; they’re all making sure the boys present themselves well in front of millions of ARMY.
You went to open the door to your mailman. It was midnight and he came to deliver your pre-ordered album. It was far too fishy. You tried to make eye contact with the mailman, trying to read any suspicious actions, which the fact that he deliberately avoided you proved everything to you. You closed the door and looked at the front and back of the album, taking in that you were one plastic film away from feeling the hard work of the boys. You trotted back to your room and sat on the bed, ripping away the plastic.
The live video had ended in your hand and the second it did, you got a message. You knew it was Namjoon and you opened his text quickly.
“Hidden track.” You guessed that this was what he wanted you to hear first before the title track, which was almost always track two. Normally you would hear the title track first, because it came with the music video and you were always excited to see his face, wherever you saw him from. The intro track should basically set up the whole album’s theme. By the whole album tracklist and theme had caught your attention already about 3 months ago. By the theme, you caught on.
At this point, the boys had taken over Korean music industry by storm. They were recognized all over the world. If at any point in time they wanted to reach the highest point, you would recognize that this was it. You couldn’t fathom any further heights and might just smack Yoongi if you heard him say one more time that he wanted to reach higher.
At the highest point of their dreams and ambitions in career…it was time to pay attention to other beautiful parts of life. Life ambitions are not focused on only one dream. One could have multiple dreams, dreams in multiple facets of life, like a kaleidoscope.
You took the CD and did your best not to roughly shove it in your computer out of excitement. You noted the hidden track was track 8 and you skipped the tracks as you flipped through the book, stopping at the lyrics page. The first words you saw on the page with the hidden track lyrics hit you like a ton of bricks. Dedicated to Y/N.
Music to your ears, every soothing melody and strong beat had Namjoon’s style written all over it. You weren’t surprised if you would search up the information later and find out that he had done every single step into producing this track, absolutely no assistance from anyone else for the umpteenth time in his formal career.
My comfort and my style
It’s all that I am and all the while,
Everything changes, but sanctuaries never do
Only constant in my life, I must hold on to
True peace is not achieved outside
Everything always comes back inside
Inner hurricanes and feelings get me swept in the air
But my mind settles when I’m home and I hear your voice
Music is my passion and my fans make me feel alive
Day in and day out, in the studio I stay
Racking my brain and exhaust my body to survive
The war is real, but I gotta say, I’ll still stay
Because though the studio holds a lot of me,
Only home is where I can be me
I’ll always remember to come home
I wander, but my roads always lead me to Rome
I’ve always been the darkest corner of my family portrait
It took almost too long to me for my family to get it
I followed my ambitions
I broke away traditions
I will continue to do it if I see that the shoe fits
Their home is not mine and mine is not theirs
I’ve been doing just fine, they need to abandon their cares
I’ve proven myself right to them and in the eyes of many
All they can do is hold their breath and get ready for me
I’ll do it all again
For so long, I’ve been a strong Seoul man
After every trial, I still have a tired soul, man
Every corner of this city is written with my name
Bangtan flies and makes it everywhere, that’s fame
My voice is heard in every home
While I thrive in that pride
I push all the loneliness aside
When was the last time I felt at home?
These thoughts only last for so long until I focus to survive again
Wars don’t exist at home, only life and peace
Only home brings security, even just a piece
Home is not without you
Home is what is only true
Home is where the heart is and my heart is with you
Home is with you
Is your home me?
Is your heart with me?
Can you see the future we will build together?
As you are, and as I am
Home is known as Y/N and Nam
Do you know that with you, I can never fall?
Every memory of us is permanently on our walls
Our home is strong, it will hold.
So hold on to me, and I will hold you up
More than just shelter, more than just comfort
Sanctuary is important and that’s all you
I hope there’s give and take, and I will always give you more
I can’t fake a home; any false attempts will make us sore
We are made by bricks
No outside strength will blow us down
No rain or tears will make us drown
So I will hold on to you and you will hold me up
As I am, and as you are
You’re my home and I am yours
For the first time in a long time
I’m home
“I’m home.” You looked up and past your tears, you saw his. He must have practically flown here the moment the live video ended. You jumped up and ran to him, and would have knocked him over but he had his back against the wall already.
You connected to the rest of the album tracklist; the album Dreams to Reality, intro: Wills, title track: Vows, promoted track: Promises, and the outro: Say Yes.
You broke away and pointed to the album and were about to open your mouth to say the one word he’s been hoping for, but he wouldn’t allow you to. Not yet. He covered your mouth, knowing what you wanted to say. You protested behind his hand and he replaced his hand with duct tape, much to your surprise and widened eyes.
“Wait. Wait. I know. But I really need you to hear the rest of this first. Just listen to it all first, please. Just wait. Wait, please just wait. Don’t get ahead of me.” He stuttered excitedly and you felt his hands shook nervously as he walked you to the computer to start the album from the very beginning. This whole album is his proposal and he needed you to not ruin what he planned before you said anything.
Both your tears were streaming down your faces and you both stared at each other laughed the whole time the album played. Everything just felt giddy to you and fog clouded your vision.
It would have been so easy to just take your hands away from him and rip away the duct tape but holding onto him was so important to you two at that moment. Your hands were joined together by his nervous sweat and both your fallen tears.
It almost felt like forever, but it also felt like like just a second. The end of the outro finally came, he leaned forward to kiss your duct-taped lips and you groaned at the barrier he forced on you.
By now, the duct-tape had already lost its adhesiveness due to your tears. You only kept it there per his request and to block your impulses he didn’t want you to have just yet. You ripped away the duct-tape too quickly, too easily.
“You silly man! I was dying under that duct-tape.” You playfully hit his shoulder and he laughed as he pretended to flinch away. You threw yourself on top of him and shouted at the top of your lungs the word he wants you repeating all night.
A/N: Yup, that sorry excuse of a poem is not iambic pentameter, not every part of it rhymes. I’m a story writer, not a poet or lyricist who understands Korean so... I write free-verse poems and I don’t always try to make things rhyme, I tried this time. Since it’s just a story, I’m only going to pretend that all of that made sense in Korean and is rap-able.
Personally, I’m proud of myself for putting up that “song”, because I think my worst skill in writing is poems/lyrics, etc. Everything I’ve done thus far is amphigories and this is probably my best attempt ever and it’s actually completed. I will continue to work hard.
He wouldn’t rap in English, and I’m pretty sure that if he ever read this, he would do this:
Lol, sorry Rap Monster, I’ve done you wrong by this attempt.
(So uhm... IOS 14 dropped-)
So yeah I kinda got carried away
(No I don’t do “subtle” with my interests-)