If Youre Had A Similar Experience - Tumblr Posts

TW medical trauma, long post

poem i wrote about something i didn’t think was affecting me anymore until i was crying uncontrollably

i saw an episode of a medical drama

a doctor refused to strap down or sedate a patient because they were scared

they talked them through it until it wasn’t scary anymore

what is that like? to have someone care enough to wait until you’re ready, to refuse to lay a hand on you until you weren’t scared anymore

to have someone listen when you scream

why couldn’t i have that? how can you hear someone shout and scream for you to stop and keep pushing? how can you look a crying child in the eye as you hold them against their will? how could they do that to me?

i guess i didn’t fully comprehend how bad it was until i saw how good it could have been

since when did paperwork override consent? since when can you ignore the screams of a terrified child?

i can’t lay down if someone’s standing over me

i can’t turn my back to people

i can’t remember their faces, but i’ll never escape the feeling of their hands on my chest, my arms, my legs

how could they do that to me?

i think i know how

i wasn’t a child to them

i was a number

just a job to do, a box to check

my kicking and screaming nothing more than an obstacle to be ignored

not a person, not a child

an object

there’s more than one way to be violated