I Shit You Not - Tumblr Posts

Mmnfnfnm,,,,.. cannibal mondo..,,mfmm...

*over text*

Virgil; I wanna make a gay account on Christian Mingle

Roman; OMG. DO IT

Virgil; I was kinda joking but nOW I HAVE TO

Roman: YOU DO

NSFW RIKA HEADCANONS

Warnings: NSFW, choking, bdsm collars, scissoring, afab! Reader, reader has a vagina, Rika has a vagina, marking, toys (specifically vibrator and strap-on), oral sex, face sitting, fingering, spanking, hair pulling/tugging, this is goddamn filthy, pussy drunk Rika, dom! Rika, sub! Reader, pleasure dom! Rika, overstimulation

Character: Rika of the elite 4

Requests: OPEN

You guys have been begging for it so here it is~

First things first Rika is a top AND a dom and she does not yield to anyone

That includes you

As much as she loves you, no matter how much you beg, you will not be topping or domming her

Rika needs control especially in bed and she loves the control you let her have

She’s greedy too

She takes and takes and takes, gifting you glorious pleasure as she pulls orgasm after orgasm out of your poor body

A session with Rika is not over until you’ve cum at least three times and even then, she always prefers one more

Rika is well versed in pleasure and is a rather kinky bitch

She has a skilled mouth that she loves to torment you with

Her tongue expertly swirling and tracing around the expanse of your pussy as she enjoys your taste on her tongue and your moans in her ears

She loves eating you out

It really is one of her favorite pastimes

Rika will have you spread out on the bed or maybe even on the couch, her face buried between your thighs as she grips them with her hands, holding them open as she takes her sweet time

She also loves having you sit on her face, your fingers in her hair as she messily slurps and sucks at everything you have to offer

She’s a messy eater to

By the time she lifts her face from between your thighs, your cunt is slick with her saliva and your own juices

Her face is glistening because of all of your arousal and cum coating her lips, cheek, and chin

She’s addicted to eating you out and its always hard for her to finally let your sweet pussy go once she has her mouth on it

Rika is also a big fan of fingering you

She loves having you on her lap, her fingers buried inside your pussy or rubbing your clit as your head is thrown back over her shoulder

She has to hold you still as she overstimulates you relentlessly until your thighs are shaking and all you know is her name

Her hand will move to your throat and she chokes you as her fingers work your cunt

She’s pressing the sweetest kisses along your jaw, neck, and cheeks as she torments you though

But you can always feel her smirk against you when you cum all over her lap again, soaking her pants another time

While Rika is incredibly skilled with her fingers and mouth alone, putting them together is pure heaven

Although when Rika does use her fingers as she eats you out, you can know it’s going to be a long night

She always uses them together when shes desperate

Desperate to taste you

Desperate to make you a mess

She’s insatiable when it comes to you

And as you could probably expect, Rika is no stranger to toys and has a large collection of them

One of her favorites being a vibrator she loves to torture you with

Its a high quality one too, one that cost a pretty penny that she loves to use along with her fingers to make you cry for her

She also loves using it with the rather large strap she owns

Which surprise to no one, Rika owns a strap, several of them actually with different sizes and textures that she uses on you

She actually had the two of you test each one she owns so she could find out which one made you feel the best and was the most comfortable to you

So naturally, that is the one she always uses on you

She loves to fuck you from behind, slapping your ass as she fucks you roughly with the toy until your legs are shaking

Her fingers will tangle into your hair and she will tug it a bit as she slams into you

She also loves when you ride her

Your hands on her shoulders and her hands on your hips and ass as you bounce on her lap, whining and moaning as she fucks the toy deep into you as she watches every single pretty expression on your face

And of course, she loves having you underneath her as she fucks you

Your legs thrown over her shoulders as she keeps you pinned against the bed, ramming into you roughly

She will kiss you messily like this too

Making out with you as she lovingly fucks you until you are cumming everywhere just for her

Now I did mention that Rika is a dom but I left out one tinyyy detail

She’s a pleasure dom

She loves taking you to heaven without expecting anything in return

But of course she will never turn down a chance to have you between her legs as you lick and suck at her cunt

And on the occasion that you do eat her out she will be tugging at your hair, her head thrown back, eyes shut, with the prettiest groans leaving her lips

And of course Rika does love scissoring

Its one of her favorite activities in bed in fact and she almost loves it as much as eating you out

She’s addicted to it, loving how your juices mix together as she grinds her pussy all over yours messily

She loses her mind when she gets to fuck you this way

It feels so goddamn good, feeling your velvety pussy pushing and rubbing all over hers

She especially loves how messy it is

And whenever you two both finish she’s almost always ready for another round when she sees the mixture of both of your orgasms all over your folds

She’s either ready to keep going and will grind back all over you, or she will clean you up with her tongue herself

As far as some of Rika’s other kinks go she loves marking

After every single time you two have fucked

The next morning you will find marks blooming all over your neck, chest, and thighs

Whenever Rika sees them she will always have the proudest smirk so don’t try covering them up

Let everyone know you belong to her and her alone

Depending on how far you two are in your relationship Rika will probably also have a collar for you

It will be a pretty thing, high quality and subtle but with a tiny little lock on it and of course you will find the key that fits it around her neck

She never takes the key off and while the collar is something incredibly kinky

It also stands to show how much she loves you and wishes to be with you forever

Because fun fact, Rika was actually a virgin the first time you two had sex

And she plans on you being her first and only partner

Not only because she values you that much, but also because a ring would look quite pretty on your left ring finger

If you get what I mean that is~

Reblogs are always appreciated <3

Valentine's Day

The Playlist AO3

Word Count: 1,478

“Thank you for coming to Freddy Fazbear’s Valentine’s day ‘Love Rocks’ bash! I hope you have a faz-tastic night and get home safe!” Freddy said into his microphone following their final performance of the night. Guests made their way toward the entrance as Freddy’s closed for the evening.

This was your first time helping run a holiday party with the band and you were relieved that, while your shift still ran the full time, after 7, the pizzaplex was closed to anyone who didn’t hold a ticket to the party. In addition, instead of the usual 10pm closing time, the holiday party had the campus closing at 9. That additional hour of not being around guests was more than welcome in your opinion.

You waved to guests along with the band as they were politely herded away by security bots who all had little paper hearts taped to their chassis in order to match the theme.

“Good job, team,” You said after the atrium was cleared of guests, climbing the stairs to the stage where they stood. Freddy took your hand in his and gave it a shake.

“We couldn’t have done it without you,” he praises and you can't help but roll your eyes in a lighthearted manner.

“Oh, please,” you chuckle but don’t protest further. Realistically, you didn't need to even be here for the party as most everything was set up and taken care of by S.T.A.F.F. bots. Still, you were there to take care of the prized animatronics. “Let’s get this place cleaned up,” you declared and started off stage with the rest of them.

The glamrocks set about stacking the extra chars which had been brought out for the nights festivities and the S.T.A.F.F. bots would take the stacks, having been lacking in the dexterity and height needed to put them together all while you pushed around a large broom, picking up rubbish left by more careless guests. Chica approached you, a stack of chairs in her arms.

“So,” she starts, after calling your name to get your attention, “after every party, we have our own little party back in rockstar row,” she explains, walking beside you. “And we would super duper love if you came. We usually just dance and hang out but since there's five of us, well SOMEONE needs to dance with Monty,” she jests, loud enough for the alligator to hear. He calls out a flustered “hey” before Chica laughs her little cluck-like laugh. You’re about to protest since you still had work to do but she cuts you off.

“Before you say no, It's only thirty minutes and we always help with duties after so you don’t have to worry about all that.” With your duties covered, you don’t exactly have much in the way of an excuse not to go so you concede. She does a cute little steppy-step in joy partnered with a high pitched squeal. “Oh, I can’t wait, I’m so excited. We’ll see you at, like, 10 back there, okay?”

You get some more cleaning done and take a bathroom break before you head back to rockstar row. When you get back there, there's a little portable speaker set up on one of the towering flower pots that the benches surround and the group are all dancing together and singing along to Whitney Huston’s “I wanna dance with somebody”. It’s clear just by looking at them that they’re all having fun, even Monty is singing along. You feel a little nervous to join in but luckily Bonnie sees you. He makes a move to pull you into the little cluster of singing and dancing animatronics and immediately, you are overcome with a bubbling of giggles. “Take my Breath Away” begins to play from the speaker and the animatronics partner up and even though Chica had joked about Monty being the odd man out, it’s Bonnie that you dance with.

“Having fun?” he asks you and has you perform a lazy twirl.

“I am,” you confirm. “Who made the playlist?” you ask as its filled with songs that Freddy Fazbear’s definitely doesn’t have the rights to use.

“This one was a collaboration between Roxy and Chica” he explains. “Monty and I made this past year's Halloween mix.”

“That’s nice,” you chuckle “I’m enjoying this one so far”.

“Well, you know, musicians usually have pretty good taste in music,” Bonnie jests with a teasing wink and you snicker in response.

When the next song comes on, you can't help but groan loudly along with a couple of the others in your group as Rick Astley promises to never give you up or let you down. Still, it's a fun song to dance to as a group and so you join. The remaining songs are all ones you enjoy as a group and the energy is fun and playful. Just as you’re growing tired of dancing (it’s quite the work out), theres a lovely swell of strings that announces a slow song. Just as youre about to find a partner, Chica claims you and pulls you off so that you two might dance together.

“There’s designated partners for this one,” She says to you quietly. You raise a brow at her as she leads your dance. “Well, one pair.” She shrugs and smiles. You turn together so she can gesture to the brown and blue pair holding one another close. You look from them to her with the same confused expression. She just lets you do the mental maths yourself and nods when she can tell you’ve put it all together.

“How long,” you ask in a hushed voice.

“Oh gosh, forever.” she answers. “There’s never been a rendition of them that weren’t head over heels for one another.” it’s hard to not whip your head back to look at them but thankfully you don’t have to as she turns the two of you to let you see them again. They’re talking quietly amongst themselves, one pair of hands clasped while the others simply hold one another close. Freddy laughs at something Bonnie says and rests his forehead against his partners shoulder briefly in a sweet and tender moment of comfortable joy.

“Did the company program that?” you ask, looking from them to her and she looks at you with the softest expression you think you’ve ever seen from something made from metal. “No,” she says it like its the most beautiful thing. And it is. “I know its cliche but,” she sighs wistfully. “I don’t know if we have souls or whatever but they are definitely soul mates,” she confides. You smile at this, feeling warm and fuzzy inside at the idea that time and time again, these two robots fell in love with one another. You look to the other partnered pair together then to see what they’re doing and Chica bursts out laughing. Despite the lovely music, Roxy and Monty are on the floor wrestling instead of dancing.

You leave them after the music ends and their bandmates separate them, having had a lovely evening. You’re just out of the hallway of rockstar row, reentering the atrium while checking your watch for what to take care of next when Moon joins you by dropping in from above.

“Did you– it's just me- did you have fun?” he asks, brushing off your startled gasp. He has to wait a beat for you to recover but he does so patiently.

“We did, yeah.” you finally answer and start back on your track. A thought crossed your mind as he walked beside you. He hadn’t been invited. You weren’t surprised since the way some of the glamrocks felt about him was clear but it still wasn’t polite. And Sun hadn’t come either which, while he didn’t like you, you hadn’t heard any negative comments directed toward him from the glamrocks. “What did you and sun do today?” you ask instead.

“The kids made valentines.” he answers and hands you a crudely made heart card. “I did too. During nap time. Here.” You take it and it's clear that it was either made in the dark or Moon wasn’t particularly skilled at arts and crafts. In white crayon on red construction paper, under where it was addressed to you (your name misspelled even though you knew he had access to the employee database), it said “get stick bugged, valentine” and below were lines that definitely resembled the stick bug from the video he had showed you the first night you met. You rolled your eyes and chuckled.

“Beautiful,” you shake your head. “I’ll keep it forever, thank you.” He smiled wide.

“Put it on your fridge,” he demands, getting up in your face. You shove him away by his faceplate and he chuckles.

“Sure, buddy. Right when I get home.”

other people: my grandparents met in this super cute way

me: my grandparents met after grandma slapped a woman in church

anyone else get that “i never expected you to say swear words, you’re so innocent” shit from random people you’ve talked to maybe twice

from now on your tumblr nickname is whatever you get from this sexual identity generator  ☆

Orli: Fun fact! You can distract Val with shiny objects- observe.

*Orli throws a handful of gold and gems off to the side in front of Val.

Val: That’s not gonna work on me dumbass

Orli: …

Val: ….

Orli: …….

Val *picking up gold & gems: Fuck you.

hey you!

yes you! get off your ass, go to YouTube, and watch Kane Pixels' Oldest View. You will not regret it.