I Love How It Sounds When You Put It That Way - Tumblr Posts

Imagine you’re working this shitty retail job for an unbearable amount of hours with no other coworkers. Suddenly, a cop throws in two guys who he says are gonna work with you. They say no, they’re actually supposed to see the president. You show them the break room and they dismantle your microwave because apparently it has like, the map to the city of gold or something. So you help them stowaway on a train going directly into the depths of the Amazon rainforest. You crash, you get lost, see weird animals n shit, and then suddenly meet like. King Arthur. And this Arthur guy tells you that your wagie job is ACTUALLY a secret ploy by the president who allied with Conquistadors from 500 years ago and you’re supposed to have superpowers but your president stole them from you to invent classism.

So you get kidnapped but that’s the least of you worries rn because The President just found you, and you go back to your stupid wagie city, one of your new coworkers is suddenly talking about killing the bourgeois, blows your other new coworker to smithereens, which is okay because he then comes back to life as the new president (which is pretty good because the old one got publicly executed thirty seconds earlier) and now you’re in the secret service.

It has been two days. You’re not even sure if you got fired.

And your hands can turn into knives.