How Rude - Tumblr Posts
I wish kissing on the lips could be platonic. Like… Wtf do you mean I can’t give my friends a little peck on their pretty faces when they’re doing something cute?? That’s not allowed??
EXCUSE ME??????????
© jin Kiss Let’s go | Do not edit. (1, 2, 3)
So had a family member tell me that I'm apparently "not really a witch" because I "don't really do anything"
I'm sorry so... doing a daily oracle card pull isn't witchcraft? Reciting an affirmation as I stir my coffee isn't? Celebrating the sabbats isn't? Practicing oracle/tarot readings? Using Crystals? Reading and researching and learning? Self-care in general?
Like you would think a family member would be happy that my practice, helps me to function. But hey what do I know?
WITCHCRAFT IS NOT JUST SPELLWORK!
WDYM LIAR! I am being honest
But of course, no one would want to break Silver Wolf and breed her.
Therefore, you should most certainly tell us how you'd most definitely would not go down on Silver Wolf and make her apologies for her teasing, intentional or not.
(i am down bad for her wait what)
Definitely, who would want to ruin our sweet little silver wolf and do unspeakable things??? I absolutely wont 🙄🙄 i am such a nice person!
I definitely won’t attach my lips to her little clit and suck on them while my hands roughly hold her hips apart. And she won’t get distracted by it at all or drop her nintendo down to scratch at the pillows BECAUSE I WONT BE DOING IT!😴
you know just lapping up her juices and biting her puffy nub till she screams like a whore and her legs shudder around my face, that would never happen 👎🏻
anyways, yea so, don’t do that and won’t do it😀
Such a fun story 😍
Title: Scotty Doesn't Know
Pairing: Dieter Bravo x f!reader
Summary: Scotty doesn't know you're hooking up with Dieter
Tags: songfic, smut, infidelity, dieter is a loser, scotty doesn't really deserve this he's just annoying, crack taken seriously, porn with the barest of plots, barely edited. WC: 2.8k
A/N: the song came on and I thought it would make a funny dieter fic? I'm shadowbanned and marked explicit rn, so lemme earn it with this gratuitous smut fic.
Scotty doesn't know that [Reader] and me
Do it in my van every Sunday
She tells him she's in church but she doesn't go
Still she's on her knees and Scotty doesn't know
–
The parkin' lot, why not?
It's so cool when you're on top
Dieter: Here 8=D
You slip out of the church, the preacher just getting started, and head to the back of the parking lot. Dieter’s beat up old VW bus, affectionately called “The Van,” is nestled between two big pickup trucks. Even if Scotty drives by the church, there’s no way he’ll see that Dee is here.
You pull open the side door, cringing at the loud rattle. Dieter is completely naked, laid out in a suggestive pose and smirking at you.
“You’re a fucking idiot, Dieter.”
“But I’m cute. Get in here!”
You clamber into the van and roll the door shut behind you before sitting on the old beat up mattress beside Dee. He plucks at the thin straps of your sundress.
“I like this, baby. It’s pretty. Take it off.”
You roll your eyes at him but strip your dress off anyway. You ditch your panties while you’re at it and kick both your sandals into the very back of the van, before sitting back down on your knees beside Dieter. He pulls you in for a sloppy kiss with way too much tongue, and you shriek and slap his chest.
“Quiet! You wouldn’t want Scotty to find out…” he waggles his eyebrows at you.
You push him so that he falls flat on his back and straddle him. He slips his hand between your legs, dragging his thick fingers through your slick and then pushing one inside to the knuckle. The chunky ring on his middle finger digs into your labia.
“Ow Dieter, your fu- fucking ring is stabbing me.”
“I’m not taking it off.” Dieter pumps his finger into you just to emphasize his point and you whimper.
“I actually can’t stand you. It’s gonna bruise,” you whine.
“Not like Scotty goes down on you enough to ever see it.”
You roll your eyes at him, but he has a point. You’re the only one who will know, and you’re not necessarily opposed to having Dieter’s mark on you as long as Scotty won’t find out. Instead of answering him, you lean forward and kiss him. Dieter adds his middle finger, curling his fingertips against your walls and fuck it feels good.
You suck Dieter’s bottom lip into your mouth and pull back, nipping his lip before you separate from him completely. “Lemme ride you.”
“Fuck yeah!” Dieter pulls his fingers out of you and slips them into his mouth as you line up with his cock. You sink down on him slowly, pressing your hands into his chest. Dieter’s head drops back onto the mattress when you bottom out. “It’s so cool when you’re on top,” he breathes, palming both of your tits.
“It’s so cool when you shut up,” you retort, but some of the bite is lost in how breathless you sound. You lift up on your knees, letting him slide almost completely out of you before you drop back down. Dieter grabs your hips and forces you to roll them forward, dragging your clit along the coarse hair at his base. You let your head fall back between your shoulder blades. Let Dieter drag you back and forth on his cock until you can’t hold in your whimpers anymore. He’s so deep inside you, grinding into your g-spot, it’s not long before you feel your cunt flutter around him, feel yourself soak him with your slick.
“That’s right baby, come on my cock,” he smirks at you.
“You know, you don’t have to speak,” you say, pulling yourself off him.
“Wait! I didn’t get to come yet,” Dieter pouts at you. And god help you, it’s too adorable to resist. His plush bottom lip sticking out and his big brown eyes welling with undoubtedly fake tears.
You get situated between his thighs and take his dick in your hand. He looks extremely relieved, as if not coming would have been the end of the world. You lick a stripe from his balls to his tip, eyes never leaving his, and he whimpers, still pouting a little. You roll your eyes at him and suck him down to the root. He tries to buck into your mouth, but you pin his hips down and set your own pace.
You cup his balls in your hand, rolling them gently as you suck him off. He rests his hands on the back of your head, not pushing or pulling you, just wanting to touch you.
You really need to get back inside before the preacher wraps up his sermon, so you slip one finger behind his sack and press it into his perineum. Even indirect stimulation to his little bundle of nerves drives him insane, and his grip on the back of your head tightens as he comes down your throat with a strangled cry.
“Fuck! Fucking fuck fuck fuck.”
You pull off him with a pop, swiping your thumb across your bottom lip to make sure nothing spilled out. “Yeah?”
“Yeah,” Dieter sighs.
[Reader] says she's out shopping
But she's under me
And I'm not stopping
“I’m at the mall. I’ll see you later, okay?”
“Sure thing, babe. Love you!” Scotty hangs up before you even have to answer him. You shove your phone in your pocket and knock on Dieter’s apartment door.
You hear a weird amount of shuffling and banging around before the door opens. Dieter’s hair is a complete wreck, his ratty green robe is hanging open to reveal nothing underneath, and eyes are still bleary with sleep.
“It’s 3 in the afternoon. Did you just wake up?”
“Yes. Now get in here,” Dieter grabs your hand and pulls you into his apartment. He slams the door shut and continues dragging you by the wrist until you’re in his room. His bed, or rather his mattress on the floor, is unmade… but at least it has sheets on it.
Dieter doesn’t waste time stripping your clothes off of you, tossing his own robe into the pile on the floor. “So where are you today?” He asks as he kisses your neck, walking back toward the bed.
“The mall,” you tell him as you sink down (way down) onto the bed and pull him on top of you.
“Won’t you need shopping bags for that lie?” Dieter asks, dragging his aquiline nose down your throat, between the valley of your breasts, and kissing your belly.
“He won’t notice,” you sigh, putting your hands in his messy hair and pushing his head down between your legs. You’re already wet, just from seeing him naked at the door, as much as you hate to admit it.
You’re really not sure what it is about this loser that turns you on so much. It’s probably his massive dick and pretty face – two things Scotty is not in possession of.
Dieter licks a stripe through your folds and moans at the taste. You love how much he loves to eat you out. Dieter pulls your legs over his shoulders and buries his face between your legs, stuffing his tongue in your cunt and grinding his nose into your clit. You tug on his hair and he whines into your skin.
He pulls back and nips your thigh. “Dieter! Don’t–” He plunges two fingers into your cunt, cutting off the reprimand. His ring nestles right up to the bruise he left the other day and it hurts, but you like it.
“Don’t make a mark,” Dieter mocks. “I know, baby.” He places his lips over your clit and sucks on it in time to the thrust of his fingers. You fucking love his mouth, tell him as much with a long groan of his name. He curls his fingers into your walls, nibbles lightly on your clit. You arch your back and pull his face into you by his hair as you come, cunt clamping down on his fingers. He works you through it, gently massaging your g-spot until your body relaxes.
“Fuck, Dieter.”
“That’s the idea, babe.” Dieter pushes your legs off his shoulders and climbs on top of you. He rests his weight on one arm by your head and hitches your thigh over his hip with the other. His hard cock runs through your soaking pussy a few times before his head catches on your entrance and he slides in to the hilt.
His head drops to your shoulder and he shudders out a breath. “Always feel so good, baby.”
You wrap your arms around his shoulders, holding him tight to you as he starts rolling his hips. One of your hands slides up into that tousled mess of hair on his head and the other clings tightly to his shoulder.
You tilt your head back, giving him space to kiss your neck as he ruts into you. Filthy, drawn out moans spill from your lips every time he bottoms out. His only sounds are little grunts of exertion, muffled by your skin.
He drops your thigh and sits up on his knees, pulling you into his lap. He wraps his hands around the underside of your thighs and pushes your knees up toward your chest. “Gonna fuck you for real now, baby. Gonna make you scream my name.”
You’d roll your eyes at him, but you know he’s right. He pushes back inside you, giving you a second to adjust to the new angle, and then he starts slamming his hips down into you. He’s hitting something so deep, you know you’ll be feeling it tomorrow.
Maybe that’s his goal.
You dig your nails into his shoulders, dragging them down his back as he absolutely rails you. (He doesn’t have a girlfriend to hide the marks from). “Oh GOD, Dieter. FUCK.” You curse as he bottoms out again and again.
His curls are sweaty with exertion and hanging over his forehead, bouncing with every thrust of his hips. You focus your eyes there as you feel your entire body tense up. He drops one of your legs and leans forward, crashing his mouth into yours just as you come on his cock. The tight squeeze of your cunt around him sends him over the edge and you feel his hips stutter as he comes inside you with a groan.
He collapses onto the bed beside you and drags you into his arms, not even bothering to clean you up. You curl up on his sweaty chest and he nuzzles his face into your hair.
“So what time do you have to be done ‘shopping?’”
“Too soon.”
I can't believe he's so trusting
While I'm right behind you thrusting
[Reader]'s got him on the phone
And she's trying not to moan
It's a three-way call and he knows nothing, nothing
Your phone rings not even a full minute after Dieter makes you come all over his face. You flail your arm out to the side until your hand hits the bedside table, fumbling around for the device.
It’s Scotty.
“Hey baby!” you answer in a probably-too-chipper tone.
“Hi, babe. What are you up to?” Scotty asks. Dieter signals for you to put the phone on speaker, which you don’t do.
“Oh just reading. How was your day?” Dieter grabs your hips and flips you over on the bed, so that you’re lying on your stomach. You suppress the yelp that almost falls from your lips.
“Put it on speaker,” Dieter growls in your ear. “Or I’ll make this even harder for you.” You feel yourself get even wetter despite your annoyance.
You put the phone on speaker and listen to Scotty continue to ramble on about his day. Dieter pulls your hips backwards until you’re on your knees. He drags his fingers through your very wet core and strokes his dick a couple times.
“Oh, I’m sorry Scotty that su-ucks,” you stutter as Dieter sheathes himself inside you.
“You good babe?” Scotty’s tinny voice filters out of your flip phone.
“Yeah! Just choked on my own spit…”
Dieter snorts and you shoot a glare over your shoulder at him. He smirks at you, drawing his hips back and sliding back in slowly. He’s not dumb enough to cause your skin to slap together, but he is a fucking idiot for doing this in the first place.
Scotty keeps rambling on about some asshole customer at the Dairy Queen he works at, and you bite back a moan as Dieter grinds his hips against your ass, pressing his cock in deep.
He grabs your hair in his fist and pulls so that your head is tipped back and starts fucking into you at a steady pace, stopping just short of bottoming out so that the only noise is the wet drag of him through your core.
“What’s that weird sound in the background?”
“Huh?” Your body tenses with anxiety, but it just causes you to tighten around Dieter and fuck if it doesn’t feel good.
“There’s like, a weird noise I don’t know.”
“Probably just my cat, babe.” Dieter snorts again, but you can’t really do anything about it in your current position. You decide to stop worrying so much and enjoy yourself.
You drop down to your elbows and push your ass higher in the air. The change in angle has his cock brushing your g-spot on every thrust and you bite your pillow to muffle any noises you don’t manage to hold back.
Dieter fucks you as hard as he can without making too much noise – he doesn’t really want you to get caught, after all. Half the fun is cucking Scotty.
“Okay babe, I gotta get back to work. See you later?” Scotty drones.
“Later!” You manage to choke out before scrambling to flip your phone shut. The second it’s closed, you toss it on the floor and let out a loud moan. Dieter finally starts fucking you like he wanted to in the first place, and the loud slapping of his hips against your ass fills the room.
You come with a scream, burying your face in your pillow and thrusting your hips back to meet Dieter’s. He fucks you through it and doesn’t stop. He keeps thrusting deep inside you, hitting something that has you screaming into your pillow. He doesn’t stop fucking you until you come again, and only then does he follow you over the edge.
He pulls out and spreads your ass cheeks, watching his cum drip from your hole, then he drapes himself over your body and whispers in your ear. “Was that your first three way?”
You’re so fucked out you can’t be mad at him, which was probably his goal. You giggle deliriously. “Mmhmm.” You drop all the way down to the bed, sprawling out. Dieter wiggles in close to you and wraps his arms around you.
His front lawn in the snow
Life is so hard 'cause Scotty doesn't know
Scotty doesn't know
I did her on his birthday
It’s Scotty’s birthday. So really, you should be by his side. Instead, he’s inside getting wasted with his friends, and you’re in his side yard… getting railed by Dieter.
Dieter has you against the house, your long skirt pinned above your hips, and one leg hitched around his waist. His lips are attached to your neck and you should really tell him to stop before he leaves a mark, but you don’t want him to.
He snaps his hips into you rapidly and you brace yourself on his shoulders and rock your hips to meet his thrusts, panting into the frozen air.
“It’s cold as fuck, Dieter, hurry.”
“You fucking hurry.” He slips his hand between your bodies and starts rubbing your clit.
“Oh fuck, just like that,” you whine. You’re so fucking close to coming – just a couple more minutes like this and you’d be clenching on his cock. But life doesn’t always work out that way.
The sound of the back door slamming causes both of you to jump and your foot slips out from under you. Both of you go crashing to the icy ground, Dieter landing on top of you.
“What the fuck is going on out here?” Scotty asks, clearly pissed.
“Oh SHIT!” Dieter starts to try to come up with some bullshit excuse, but you just scramble to your feet and take off running to the front yard. Dieter follows close behind you, dragging his pants up as he runs.
You throw the side door of his van open and jump in as Dieter hops in the front seat. Scotty makes it to the curb right as Dieter peels away. You slam the door shut and fall back on the mattress. Dieter glances back over his shoulder, a big goofy grin on his face.
“So I guess Scotty knows.”
I hope you enjoyed this truly ridiculous fic <3
Ok why I just see Tae as a innocent little bunny? OK HELP ME CHANGE MY MIND AND RECOMEND ME SOME DOCS OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT :')
wHAT THE FUCK YOU SEE TAEHYUNG??? AS AN INNOCENT LITTLE BUNNY???
IN WHAT WAY
DOES THIS
LOOK INNOCENT
TO YOU
HIS TONGUE IS NEVER IN HIS MOUTH GDI TAEHYUNG
LETS NOT FORGET THIS HAPPENED
omg his NECK AND HANDS FUCCKK
AND DONT EVER FORGET THIS GODDAMN GAZE
IF YOU STILL THINK OF TAEHYUNG AS A LITTLE INNOCENT BUNNY GO READ GOLDEN BOY BY @zeurin RIGHT NOW.
Ah yes just what I wanted to see, the top 2 inches of my head
