Heart - Tumblr Posts - Page 2

i did it,,,, uhh heart and layla since they are both purple

CW : Gore and Organs

A little heart painting today !

Happy Valentine's Day from the tribe! (Forgot to do this kind of thing earlier! >~

I don't have a cool or interesting post today. Highschool sucks. I have no one. I'm so incredibly lonely it's not even funny. I got my heart broken for the 2nd time by the same person. It feels like the one millionth time. My heart aches. My eyes want to cry, but nothing will come out. The thing is, it's not his fault either. Maybe I just deserve it. Everything. I'm sorry self. I told you I would be better. But the crying won't stop. I'm sorry. When will this go away? When can I feel like me again? I don't even know who I am anymore. This isn't for attention. This is for myself. I tried comforting me, but instead, I'm falling apart.

This is my theme for today;

There's so many things I'd like to tell you. Maybe how I thought that this could finally be my 'good day'. Or how when you said that you missed me, my heart skipped a beat, because no one ever misses me. You're the first person who listened. Who understood. I loved you so much. I finally thought I could trust you. But now I'm sitting here bleeding from my chest. You left the door open when you took my heart. You never came back. I thought I could trust you, but I'm not sure anymore.

- Dreaming of Wolves//Poems

Just got back into the rabbit hole of object shows. And um... created object ocs.

Some hosts here.

Uh, the one with the halo thing is named Scribbles. I like them.

The reason I got into object show Fandom again is all thanks to...

This guy. Don't mind the gray color next to the doodle.

For J

I'm not asking you to love

To be honest I don't know if I could return the feeling 

But if I could ask something of you 

I would ask that you pine after me

That you think about me when you look out over the rolling hills as you drive to work

Or that you can still feel my kisses long after I have left you 

The way I giggled when your nose touched my neck for the first time

That you swear my perfume is still on your clothes no matter how many times they go through the wash

I want you to sit alone and overhear a conversation and remember something that I said and then you laugh to yourself but get embarrassed because the people who see are judging you and really try to transport me there with you 

That sometimes you can feel the ghost of my hand against your palm. 

Then it grows and covers the rest of your skin, like an itch that's odd yet comforting 

You rub your fingers together, wondering if you're going crazy 

And as your day goes by, you notice sexual innuendos in everything, like who many times can a person hears the words " climax" and " erupt" and natural grunts and sighs in an English class and not think about them coming out of my mouth and how good it feels that you're the reason why 

That you sit in your car and think about the excitement and fear and warmth and shivers that wouldn't stop expelling from your body as we dove on the highway and you prayed that I wouldn't notice 

That you pass by people and places and think that you see me or that you can magic me coming around the corner into your arms but you are not that lucky 

That you get jealous whenever you just see a Hispanic woman with another man 

That your fist clenched with bitterness and unshed tears because why can't you have that 

That you think about getting in your car and driving 3 and a half hours to come to my town and you will find me and spend every moment after in my dorm on my twin bed

Singing hymns and love songs into each other's skin

But then you realize that's way out of line and just end up wondering what color my comforter is 

Then you start to look at my Instagram a lot 

An unsettling amount and feel gross doing it but…

There's only like three photos and they're old 

You hope that I'll post anything just to be sure I'm not a figment of your imagination

That you can see me and hear me and feel me

You find my Facebook that hasn't been touched in months 

Other posts with me in them from other peoples accounts from long before you knew me

You wish we'd known each other forever

And sometimes 

In those really early hours of the morning when you can't sleep and feel like the only person in the world 

You dream while you're awake, you let your mind go far

More than you would ever tell anyone 

Things that you would never dare tell anyone, not even me 

But ohhhhh 

You wish you could 

The next spring and summer and autumn and winter all lay at your feet like a Tralfamadorian novel

" No beginning, no middle, no end, no suspense, no moral, no causes, no effects. What we love are the depths of the many marvelous moments seen all at once."

It's all as clear as it ever could be 

Laughter, pillow talk, fights, forgiveness, drives, farmers markets, late nights, dive bars, kickbacks, no contact, all day conversations, lust, apocalypses, new days, never-ending light.

Meeting my mother and hoping she’ll like you but I already know it will go bad but you're here to stay and she warms up to you soon 

Ifs, whats, yeses, nos, maybes, thens, nevers, always.

All more and more petrifying yet alluring 

I'm not asking you to love me 

I'm too afraid that it'd scare you off

But I want at least one of these to go through your mind

Because they seem to never leave mine.

Oh, my darling. I know you are not a Cathedral, but you’re no less holy.

- Unused bits from a never-finished book

Tales from fiction writing class

Create a scene using details and imagery to convey a feeling without stating it directly, use like dialog.

"I'm just trying to help you. You ‘re going to go to Hell."

My throat dried out. It felt like those mornings after I had smoked a couple of Menthols 100s the night before while drunk at some bar. My nose was starting to burn as well, like when you're underwater and you breathe in. Caleb seemed to notice my discomfort after a moment.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. Just ... I'm sorry."

The lights in the restaurant seemed too bright all of a sudden. The other customers all seemed to be too happy to be real people. Even the glass of water next to me looks too pretty to drink. It's probably from the tap, filled with iron and rust particles. Drinking anything in this place sounded awful. 

Silence set in then. My eyes wandered over to the tables that surrounded us. There was a man in a suit with a bolo tie that didn’t like his salad but still eating it. A ceiling fixture on the opposite wall had an overlooked cobweb on it. A woman sitting a bit away wore a pretty summer dress with a pair of black and white Adidas sneakers, looking cute and quirky.

I heard Caleb start to talk again, but I continued to stare at her shoes." I think once you start going to worship with my family you'll really like it. The people there are so welcoming and nice. You know it kinda hurts my feelings that you won't even try to come just once." I wish I was cute and quirky.

The woman noticed me staring at her then and gave me a rude look. I slowly turned my body forward in the chair as my stomach contoured into a painful ball. Caleb was looking away now, but he felt my eyes on him. He took a deep breath and put on a forced smile before looking at me again.

“I got you something." He pulled a red jewelry box out of his pants pocket and slide it over to my side of the table. "Happy six months." The piano music was now very melancholy yet it hadn't changed keys. His hands started shaking a bit. He wanted me to explode into a smile and kiss him passionately, then he’d feel better.

"Uh… here." He reaches over and opens the box. It was a small heart pendant encrusted with three white diamonds. The one that’s super popular with many women right now. The one that his sister had flaunted at me two months ago over dinner and I had pretended to love out of politeness.

I should rub my eyes, but then I'll smear my makeup and it'll get in my contacts and it'll look like I'm crying and I'm not crying.

"Please say something."

“I don't feel well,” a hoarse voice says.

He has a look on his face. One I can't name, but I know it well. The one some old classmates I don't talk to anymore had. The one a street preacher had when he yelled at me for wearing a skirt. It seems a lot of people have this look. An old roommate had it. The cashier at Walmart. My mom. 

“You’ll feel better after you eat.”

For you, J

I don’t know why I’ve allowed myself to think about you so much for so long.

I feel pathetic and stupid and starkery.

I hate what I’m doing to myself 

I hate that I’ve compared so many people to you

I hate that I feel like I annoy you.

I hate that I thought we could maybe be together but it’s dumb.

I hate that I’m so sad but I have no reason to be sad.

I hate that I have created cathedrals in my mind for you, even after I said I’ll stop.

I hated that when I told you I did, you didn’t understand what I meant.

I hate that only time you ever told me you loved me was when I was sitting on your lap in your car at four in the morning and you didn’t mean it. I’ll say it now though.

I love you.

I hate that I didn’t say it back, even if I wouldn’t have been able to really mean it, but at least I would have meant it more than you.

And I hate that I’ve lost my biggest fantasy.

You have someone new but even if it lasts till tomorrow, I know I still shouldn't try to get you back. 

You’ll never read this and I’m glad.

So, my somewhat ex-lover

This is me, signing off. 

UvU