He Means A Lot To Me - Tumblr Posts
30 isabeau attack GO
its isabeaus
ERROR THE BELOVED!!!!
Error my precious little meow meow <3
reflecting on yuzu’s retirement
I know this is a little late but it took me time to get my shit together, I'm emotional, so sue me. this is gonna get pretty sappy and really cheesy at some points, so idk, bear with me I guess. (under the cut)
I discovered Hanyu Yuzuru during February 2022. I saw ten to chi to live, and that was the only engagement I had with his competitive career in real time. later that night I watched his seimei olympic performance and cried happy tears for the first time in years. at that point, I was obsessed. I went on a yuzu YouTube binge. I watched his performances in chronological order. I read his entire wikipedia page. when I emerged from my figure skating-induced fugue state I felt...better. a little more balanced. just happier overall. for that, I can’t thank yuzu enough.
you see, yuzu changed my life, and he might have even saved it. this man doesn’t even know I exist, but for a short while he meant everything to me. a few months ago I was in a really bad place. I was...empty inside, and I felt like nothing in the world, especially not me, had any purpose or meaning anymore. I was contemplating suicide. and then I saw this dude in a blue outfit skate, and I was transfixed. that was the first bit of interest I'd shown in something for months. I grabbed onto that and didn’t let go. when I cried for seimei, that was the first time I'd cried for something that wasn't sadness in years. it was amazing. after so long of feeling nothing, I felt awed, amazed, humbled, and enlightened. his skating was the most beautiful thing I'd seen.
as I learned more and more about yuzu, i got more and more out of my depressive funk. I saw his passion for skating, how he was, like, giving his life for it, and I thought ‘wouldn’t it be nice to love something that much?’ I thought that, well, shit, there must be true beauty in this world if he can get on the ice and do that. I thought about how he worked so hard for his dream. I thought about him working, even through pain, even through emotional turmoil. I thought about him loving it all the time, but maybe not liking it, or enjoying it, maybe sometimes even hating it. I thought about him saying he wanted to jump the quad axel, like if he said it enough it would come true. I thought about yuzu falling on the triple axel he had done a hundred, a thousand times with perfection, then getting up and trying again. I thought about how his skating moved people. I thought about him skating to haru yo koi with grace and poignance, to seimei with the command of a predator, to Romeo and Juliet with raw teenage passion, to hope and legacy with the elegance and inscrutability of an old god. I thought about the feeling he displayed, the feeling he provoked, and I thought I want to feel like that more often. that feeling could be found again. that there is beauty and art and I shouldn’t go just yet, because what if I had followed through? what if I had missed seeing a random guy in a blue shirt? I knew what I had nearly missed out on. and now I knew that I didn’t want to die, but more than that I wanted to /live/, because I had seen what living could be, and yuzu reminded me. he reminded me what kind of happiness and feeling and beauty could be found in the world. and for that, I thank him.
yuzu will always have a special place in my heart. he put some meaning back into my life. he helped me through a hard time, and for that I thank him. the beauty, grace, and power to move that he brings to his skating is unparalleled. he is truly a one of a kind talent, a phenom that transcends art and sport, both connecting and eclipsing them. he is amazing, and an inspiration. he is hope. so thank you, yuzu, for just being you.
I'm going to miss yuzu. I am sad I didn’t get into figure skating earlier, because yuzu aside it’s cool as fuck and I'll still follow competitive skating even now that he’s gone. but I’m glad he made the best choice for himself, to be healthy and happy. I'd like to see him land that quad axel clean one day. I hope he does whatever the fuck he wants now. he’s fantastic, I think he’s super funky, and I want to see whatever antics he he gets up to now that he’s free from jsf and the absolute clownery of the bag of dicks that is isu. I’m a little sad about it, but I'm more excited for his new career as a professional athlete. so one last time, thank you, yuzu, for just being you. that’s enough, is and will always be. take a well-deserved rest, and be happy.