He Associates Blackbeard With Causing Fear Yknow - Tumblr Posts

his sad smile after the kiss and how he immediately jumped into halfheartedly suggesting the escape. thinking stede was never going to agree it was a last ditch attempt to show stede he doesn’t WANT to be blackbeard anymore without actually saying it bc despite everything its not really true is it? he’s masking for stede. playing the role he thinks stede wants him to fill stede however is a madman and never mean 'but youre blackbeard' in a bad way. he’s too in love w him for that but stedes masking for ed too. s why he agrees to escape they’re so fucking disfunctional. and neurodivergent! the kiss was wonderful and horrible for them both bc stede believes he’s unlovable and incapable of love (in the way he’s always wanted to love) and that he deserves to be dead n all that and then ed kisses him and its the best thing stedes ever felt. this is what he deep down wanted to find when he began a new life at sea but it starts the fear of losing that. that ed will leave and realise the same thing everyone else in his life has realised so he agrees to go to keep ed from leaving but chauncey happens so stede decides to leave first. so hell never have to face ed realising he wasnt worth loving in the first place and ed believes he’s a monster. unloveable and that maybe he IS as bad as they make him out to be if they all run as soon as they see him and then stede despite all logic treats him gently and kisses him back and smiles at him like this is all he’s ever wanted out of life except stede said 'but youre blackbeard!' and maybe ed was wrong about stede being able to understand him maybe stede will realise. eventually. that eds not that kind of person so when stede doesn’t show up eds accepted it. he didn’t let himself truly believe stede would show up at all but he stews with his thoughts on the dinghy and you bet your ass that line in particular and why not act the furthest away from blackbeard he can? maybe if he acts the least blackbeard-y (soft and unconfident and hypovigilant) stedes crew wont think he’s the monster the stories make him out to be he associates blackbeard with causing fear yknow and he actually starts to believe he can be something other than fear-causing when he starts to clean up. sober up take back the parts of blackbeard he liked while keeping the parts of opposite-blackbeard he enjoyed being and motherfucking izzy hands destroys it all for him in one fell swoop bc aside from stede izzys the person eds closest to calling a friend. he needs him there. his insults cut deeper than anyone else’s especially now that he thinks stedes left him on purpose so he swings full-blackbeard. self destructing to prove to himself he doesn’t deserve the kindness stede and the crew give him Ofmd meta post