Han Au - Tumblr Posts

Do you remember that day?

Han Jisung x reader

Summary: To my older self, holding hands with a best friend doesn't necessarily mean something. But for my 14 year old self it meant a lot more.

Warnings: None

Genre: fluff & angst

Word count: 605 words

~~~~~~~~

I can remember it like it was yesterday. The way I felt that day. It might have not meant much to you, but it did to me. Though, I like to think it meant something to you too.

I think our problem was always our bad timing. When these thoughts crossed your mind, they didn't cross mine and the other way around.

Changbin had told me, that six months before that day, you had admitted something to him. You had been feeling a way about me that a best friend isn’t supposed to feel. It was about a week before I admitted to him that I’ve been feeling those kinds of feelings for you too. I don't know why he didn't tell me right away, but it's understandable. He was supposed to keep our secrets like a good friend.

So, yeah. I think our problem was our bad timing. There is one day though, that felt like the only day we were in tune. The only day we both felt something about each other at the same time.

But we were so cowards. We acted as if nothing happened. We never talked about it again. I'm guessing you've probably forgotten about it. I haven't. Many years later and I still remember it like it was yesterday.

We were just two teenagers. Two teenagers watching a movie together.

You had come with my family and I on our vacation because I had begged you to do so. I really didn’t want to leave, knowing I’d be bored to death and you agreed to come with us easily, to keep me company. You woke up early, even though you never do that, just to prepare your things and come with me. I was so thankful for that.

At night, we sat on the couch and watched TV. After the first movie was over, we watched another one. It must have been about 2am. Everyone else was sleeping.

Somehow, our hands found their way towards each other. My left hand comfortably resting in your right hand. I secretly glanced at our hands and pretended I was putting some stray hair away. But I was also too immersed in the movie to see if you glanced at our hands too.

When the second movie was over, approximately 2 hours later, we let go of each other’s hands and turned off the TV. I don't know who let go first. But we did it without a word. Acting as if we weren't two best friends holding hands.

We collected our things, half empty glasses of water and our empty dinner plates, put them in the sink and headed to the room, where we exchanged a soft ‘good night’ and laid on our beds.

To my older self, holding hands with a best friend doesn't necessarily mean something. But for my 14 year old self it meant a lot more.

I still wonder how you felt. If you felt the same way. I wonder if you really remember it, or chose to forget it and replace the memory with new memories with other people.

We've now grown apart. We never contact each other anymore. But I still wonder. However I know I'll never get my answers.

I honestly don't think you remember any of this and if I ever told you, you'd probably just raise your eyebrow at me in confusion. I think I prefer not knowing the answer, than hating the answer.

But if you ever see this (even though I hope you never do) then tell me; Do you remember that day, Jisung? Did you feel the same way?