Gracie Abrams Aesthetic - Tumblr Posts
" 'cause everytime i get to cloose, i just go mess it up " 𝜗𝜚⋆₊˚ - MIU
In the beginning, everything with him seemed simple. There were laughs, silent gestures that spoke louder than words, an understanding that needed no explanations. Every day spent together felt like a small miracle, yet inside me, something began to crack. It wasn’t him, it wasn’t our story. It was that voice in my head, the one that never stopped. It whispered that I wasn’t enough, that sooner or later, I would ruin everything. And every time I tried to push it away, it returned stronger, more insistent.
He looked at me with eyes full of love, and I wanted to believe it, truly. But every kind word felt like a promise too big, too fragile. As if a breath could shatter it. So instead of letting myself go, I started to build walls around my heart. It was to protect myself, or maybe to protect him from me. The closer I got, the more I felt the fear grow—the feeling of inadequacy, of never being enough for everything he seemed to give me without asking for anything in return.
In the end, I was the one to destroy it all. I thought leaving him would be the right thing, that by doing so, I would put an end to my uncertainty and constant guilt. I said goodbye, hoping the void I felt would fill with peace, but instead, it left only a silence that was more deafening. I hoped distance would free me from my fears, that I could finally breathe again. But without him, every breath felt heavier, and my loneliness wrapped around me like a shadow I could no longer shake off.
I never stopped thinking about him. Memories of his laughter, his gaze, those moments when everything seemed possible flooded my mind. Every time I told myself it was better this way, another part of me screamed that I had made a mistake. I knew he was moving on, that his life continued without me, while I remained stuck, trapped between what I had lost and the fear of never being able to redeem myself.
I tried to convince myself that I was okay, wearing smiles I didn’t feel, like a mask behind which to hide the chaos within me. I found myself checking my phone, hoping for a message, any excuse to reach out to him again. But every time I thought of getting closer again, I stopped, paralyzed by the terror of making another wrong move, of ruining everything once more.
Sometimes I wondered if it was right to seek him out, if I was just clinging to a dream that could no longer exist. I felt like a castaway trying to hold onto a wave slipping away. Yet every thought returned to him, to us, to what we were and what we could have been if I hadn’t allowed my insecurities to smother everything.
I longed for a second chance, even though I knew it might just be an illusion. I wanted to show him that I could change, that I could be the person he needed. I dreamed of going back, of fixing what I had broken, of breaking the bad habits that had erected barriers between us. But every time I thought of him, I couldn’t help but wonder if it was too late, if his heart had already found a new direction.
Deep down, though, I knew that the real obstacle had never been him, but myself. My fears, my doubts, were like chains holding me captive. Until I learned to free myself from them, I would remain trapped in this cycle, destined to ruin every beautiful thing I touched. And maybe then, I would be truly ready to begin again. Maybe then, I would be ready to love without the fear of not being enough.
