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Prompt 118

Inspired by this post I saw! <3 Geralt likes his bard. Roach likes her bard. Geralt and Roach like their bard. So Geralt and Roach have been working together on tricks and commands meant specifically for Jaskier. Roach knows how to kneel for Jaskier to mount her, and she also knows how to boost him up if he's in a hurry. She now knows the command "Get Jaskier away to safety!", though in order to save some face, Geralt made the command a certain click of his tongue, instead of the words that might reveal too much feelings. She knows how to hug a sad Jaskier if her witcher is incapacitated or away. She knows how to drag him to the bags full of food when he's been writing too long. She knows to bump her head into his, affectionately, when he stares at his reflection too long. She knows how to carefully move the lute out of harm's way. She knows how to pull on certain fabrics with the right leverage to not have them rip. She knows which flowers she shouldn't eat, for it'll make the bard happy when he sees them. He'll usually give them to her after he gushes over their beauty, anyway. Win/win for her. Everything is foolproof. That is, until Jaskier asks Geralt one day what one of her special tricks were for. Geralt had to stumble and fumble his way through an excuse. And then Jaskier asked again a few days later, this time about another trick. And then again. He's getting curiouser and curiouser, and Geralt has never been good at lying to their bard.

Prompt 119

The problem with having a human bard follow you around is that bad food can make them sick. Geralt could and would happily eat undercooked or overcooked food. Food was food. Stale food was food. Food. Was. Food. But his bard is more delicate than him. He could get sick, or could even possibly die if he so much as eats something wrong. Thus Geralt begins paying a kind older woman in a town to teach him how to cook. She assures him that with enough practice and recipes from her, he'll be a perfect spouse for his Jaskier. Geralt goes to correct her and say they're just friends, but when she mentions telling him a special recipe because of it, Geralt decides there's no harm in going along with the lie. Jaskier meanwhile is surprised, when he gets to the town where Geralt and him have agreed upon meeting each other that spring, only to run into a woman who very loudly exclaims "Oh! Geralt's husband!" Geralt's what?

Geralt secretly loves pumpkin spice. Ciri lets him say he’s buying the lattes and cookies and popcorn for her. In exchange, Geralt raised her allowance.

It’s a good deal, and it’s worked out so far. But, there’s this new barista at the cafe he frequents who seems to have caught on.

Jaskier—the barista in question—doesn’t call him out on it or anything. He just gives Geralt a knowing look whenever he says it’s for his daughter. And he makes more fall-themed suggestions and offers Geralt samples.

Obviously, trying to catch expose Geralt’s guilty pleasure.

Jaskier will heal his new regular's fragile-masculinity-fueled insecurity or he'll die trying. He just hopes he can do it while also getting a date!

“What are you putting in your soup?”

“Hemlock.”

“Ha! And they say Witchers don’t have a sense of humor.”

But Geralt isn’t joking. Because Witchers are immune to most human poisons, they tend to use them as spices.

Geralt has always been conscious of the fact that this is a thing that marks him as inhuman. He doesn’t bring out the human-deadly spices in towns.

At first, Geralt didn’t add poison to his food in front of Jaskier. But then, the bard proved himself unphased by black eyes, growls, and all sorts of strangeness. Surely, he wouldn’t think differently of Geralt for eating a bit differently.

Only, Jaskier keeps shrugging the poison off as a joke. And he keeps trying to steal food off Geralt’s plate like an idiot!

(Nevermind the fact that Geralt let him do it before and thus gave Jaskier the impression that the behavior was acceptable)

Geralt never lets Jaskier sneak food any more... Jaskier's starting to worry they're regressing in their relationship. Less amounts of intimacy shown. Geralt would just like the bard to stop trying to eat his poison!