Ffxiv Writes 2023 - Tumblr Posts
FFXIV Writes Day 1 - Envoy
Endwalker Spoilers, entry under the cut. CW for religious themes and suicide
Nerves had little place in the shared consciousness of the Meteia. Still, the burden placed upon the little starbird, that brave little spark faring the cold, endless sea of stars could not be denied. It wasn't easy to serve as mankind's envoy to their stellar cousins, and she'd met as much failure as success in her first forays. But she'd continue to seek out new peoples, new worlds. To find what gave their lives joy and meaning, and send her findings back to her sisters and Hermes himself. And then he'd smile and give her a flower, like he promised.
Everything would be fine. It would! Even if the first fourteen star systems she'd managed to track were less than encouraging, she wouldn't give up. ...even if more were like the eighth world her sister found, the one that lauded her as a celebrated envoy before annihilating itself and her in the process...
Should I be more careful when I get to this next star? She mused to herself. She hovered her bird form above the atmosphere of her next planet, considering her options carefully.
From a distance, the world didn't appear to be dangerous. There were no active fires or explosions, nor environmental degradation that could prove dangerous to her as she descended. In fact, it seemed almost peaceful.
And yet, deep in her chest, she could feel the cold claws of despair digging at her, emanating from the world below.
Oh no... Not here, not here too!
She dove into the planet's atmosphere, streaking through the sky like a comet as she descended towards its surface, towards the one strong beacon of emotion she could sense, driven by equal parts determination and terror.
It's just lingering sentiment from my sisters, things will be fine here, they HAVE to be!
Yet all the positive thinking in the world could not alter the reality into which she fell. Though there were no fires, no windstorms, no earth-shattering cracks or floods or frozen wastes or plagues choking the air, there were bodies and collapsed buildings. Innumerable, immeasurable destruction, yet tinged with an eerie stillness and quiet, the calm before or immediately after the storm.
There was a man- or something vaguely in the shape of one, albeit far too short for any she knew back on Etheirys- knelt before the rubble, his face coated in dust and dried viscera. She assumed her humanoid form to approach him, gently reaching out to his mind.
[Greetings. Can you hear me?]
The man started, his hand reaching for a blade at his side as he rose to his feet and whirled around to face her. Clearly, he was expecting an attacker, and she needed to chose her next words with care. (Although her programming would allow for but the standard greeting once she began it.)
[Do not be alarmed! I only wish to hear your words. Share your feelings. Know your thoughts. May we please be friends?]
The man laughed, as though the notion of companionship in his current surrounds was some incomprehensible cosmic joke. "Friends? You talk to me in my head, and expect that we can simply 'be friends' after everything that's happened here?"
She tilted her head. ['After everything that's happened'? Could you please explain? I've come from another star to discover what other people live for, and I don't know anything about this place.]
"...you want to know what we live for here?" The man asked, incredulous. After a moment of silence, he heaved a sigh from somewhere deep in his chest. "Once, I knew the answer to that question. We all did. We lived for our God, our glorious Creator. He gave us everything we could ever ask for. Safe haven from the wilderness, systems of law, intellect, art, magic, our very forms."
A bitter scowl crossed his face. "And then we grew proud. We thought ourselves beyond Him, thought we could ascend to His level. One of our number even managed to pierce His lofty heavenly throne, and then..."
The man shuddered. "Judgement was swift. Retribution moreso. He made our towers crumble and collapse beneath their own weight, stole the lifesbreath from our lungs, and proclaimed that once this season's crops had been reaped, nothing more would grow again. He proclaimed us a failure, then abandoned us after unmaking all we had become."
Meteion felt a sympathetic shudder roil across her being, not only from the sheer weight of his emotions, but from her sisters' knowledge of Etheirys. How familiar this tale felt to her ears, to be treasured as a beautiful creation, then cast aside once one no longer served their purpose.
Unbothered by her reaction, the man paused in his recollection of events to address her directly. "And you would ask me what I live for?"
She nodded, whispering in his mind, [Yes! I know things are bad right now, but surely there must still be something that you live for!]
The man shook his head, a hollow look of resignation sinking into his eyes. "He was everything to us, and without Him, we are nothing. We will not survive without His protection and guidance. ...I see now that those of us left alive after he left us were the cursed ones, not the fortunate. He wanted us to suffer and die for our pride. He wanted to punish those of us left behind. I was the last to hold on to hope that He would return. And I will hold on no more."
The man drew his blade and Meteion took a step back, arms raised as if they would do anything to defend her if he struck. [Wait! P-Please wait, there must be something worth living for, some small happiness or joy or hope or favorite food or-!]
Again, the man shook his head. "Fly away, little one. May your wings carry you to brighter worlds than this. There is nothing you seek here."
Ichor painted his neck. A body fell to the ground before the star-faring familiar with the mind of an inquisitive young girl. She fell to her knees shortly after, wailing in agony and sympathetic sorrow as the emotions of all the dead around her closed in like a whirlwind, tinting her feathers black as the void of space from end to base.
It was too much, too much for any soul to bear. World after world, star after star, nothing but sadness and anger and hatred and death and despair and-
No more. No more could she abide in useless hope. She would join the rest of her sisters singing a requiem for the universe, and serve as an envoy of despair.
Her report rang through her shared consciousness to all her sisters. It read:
"Deka-pente. Local civilization once flourished under auspices of higher power. Said power later laid waste to civilization in fit of rage. Upon revealing this to me, entity elected to self-terminate in lieu of providing answer to question. No other intelligent life-forms found."
FFXIV Writes 2023 - Day 2 - Bark
Spoilers for the start of Shadowbringers and some minion flavor text. This is set before my canon WoL fantasias himself into a Viera, so he's a Hyur for this.
Gods, there are so damned many of them. Xander thought, horror coiling like a freezing-cold serpent around his gut.
Ahead of him, the mysterious Crystal Exarch (who'd momentarily earned his trust, if not yet discharged his suspicion) charged forward, driving conjured sword and shield deep into a feathered cocoon before it could hatch to birth a new monstrosity. Selene flew close behind the Exarch, tethering herself to his aether to keep his wounds from getting too severe. Wind tore a few stray hairs from Xander's well-kept bun as Lyna, the captain of the Crystarium Guard, dashed past him with chakrams in hand to tear apart what looked like it might once have been a Gremlin limb from limb before its taunting could dampen her lord's resolve.
"Are you all right back here?"
Alisaie's voice startled him momentarily from his contemplation as she skidded into place next to him, having backflipped out of the way of the former bull, now Sin Eater that broke through the fence before them. She wiped the sweat from her brow and readied her rapier before looking to him once more for an answer.
"So far, yes. My shielding spells haven't broken, and it looks like the Exarch is well on his feet, thanks to his more measured pace. If it'd been Celeste leading the vanguard, she'd have charged through every single foe and dragged them behind her to reach that thing we fought back in the clearing."
"I heard that, you arse!" his one adventurer ally mired in the First with him snarled back from the fields over the fence, her sword dripping with Darkness as she tore yet another newborn Sin Eater apart.
As his eyes swept over both the road (his immediate battlefield) and the fields beyond, now laden with Sin Eater cocoons instead of sheep and livestock, a small tendril of anxiety crawled up Xander's spine. All these sheep and no shepherd. Did he manage to escape, or...?
His unease only grew as a familiar sound carried over the chittering noises of their foes and the distant crackle of flames and echoes of screams ahead. Sharp, repetitive, high-pitched, and utterly terrified barks cut through the din.
There's a dog near here, but where-?
He got his answer a moment later, azure eyes widening in dawning horror as he saw the horse-human-winged abomination that most people became when turned into these monstrosities hovering before a dog about the height of his knees. A black dog with white brindle markings and a red collar around its neck that snarled and snapped and barked at the uncaring creature before them.
Xander received cries of alarm from his companions when he vaulted the fence to enter the fields, but he paid them no heed. The dog. He had to protect the dog from becoming one of those monstrosities. He threw a shielding spell around the both of them, clutching both book and animal to his chest as he knelt over it, feeling the Sin Eater's claws rake at his back. Enough to rend his shield and his clothes, but not his skin.
He held the glyphs for his most powerful offensive spell using arcanima in his mind's eye, holding his hand away from both himself and the now-squirming dog as fiery aether coalesced around it. When the spell was done charging, he twisted up to face his foe and blasted it right in the face with broiling hot aether that forced it to withdraw, covering its eyes. That made it an easy target for both Lyna's charkrams and Alisaie's magic, dissipating its essence into nothing.
The dog in his arms no longer squirmed, but poked their head over his shoulder, barking and whining right in his ear and pawing against his back as if reaching for the retreating form of their attacker.
In that moment, Xander reached a terrible understanding: That eater must have been the dog's former master. The poor thing must have thought they were playing at first, then gotten scared and confused when something that smelled like their master but didn't act like them emerged from that feathery cocoon.
"That was decidedly reckless! Are you all right?"
The Exarch's voice broke through Xander's thoughts, forcing him to stand, carrying the surprisingly hefty dog with him. All things considered, the furry one tolerated being carried rather well, in sharp contrast to when he first found his dog Gestahl wandering the streets of Ishgard on the Source.
Clambering over the fence without the aid of his arms took longer than Xander would have liked, given the emergent nature of the situation, but he managed, and soon reunited with the others on the main road.
"That's a black hayate." Lyna noted, a hint of awe coloring her voice. "I've only ever seen them in books that a few refugees from the eastern lands managed to bring with them. One of them must have taken up residence here in Holminster Switch and used it as a guard dog."
Alisaie's face twisted in sympathy. "Oh, then that Eater we just killed must have been its master, the poor thing..."
Xander sighed, rubbing the dog's incredibly fluffy back. "I thought so too. Obviously, I can't just carry our new friend with us, but I worry that if I let them go, they'll just get themselves into trouble again..."
He looked behind him to discover that Alphinaud and Celeste had gathered on the road to see what was going on. Alphinaud's Carbuncle sniffed the air as Xander leaned down to hand the dog off to the smaller elezen. "Can you hold him and look after him while the rest of us take care of the threats on the road?"
Alphinaud stammered, but did not complain as he took hold of the dog. "I- well, of course, if that's what you want, but how am I supposed to heal those in need of succor if my hands aren't-?"
The tell-tale swish of aether around someone who'd just taken hold of a different Job Stone filled the air, and where once Celeste stood in armor torn from the chassis of Omega with forged moonlight greatsword in hand, now an icy tree branch chilled the air around her, layers of flowing white and red cloth draping across her tall and slender form. "I've been getting back into practice with white magic, love, leave the healing to me. You just focus on keeping our four-legged friend here well in-hand."
Celeste scratched one of the Black Hayate's ears, and it let out another bark, this time of happiness. The sound made Xander let out a sigh of relief that he hadn't realized he was holding. There would be time enough to get to know the dog and enjoy their company back at the Crystarium. For now, he had to get back on the road.
He gave the dog one last scratch beneath the collar before returning at last to the vanguard, sprinting to keep up with them as they made up for lost time and charged for what once might have been the main planting area for the farm. An area over which a suspiciously and horrifyingly familiar shadow now loomed, wings beating erratically as it descended.
Alisaie's dull "So this is where you went..." confirmed his worst suspicions: They'd have to put down Tesleen to advance any further. Xander set his mouth in a grim line and pulled his codex from his hip, readying himself for what would surely prove a trying battle.
FFXIV Writes Day 4 - "Off the Hook"
End of ARR spoilers, messy friendship dynamics, and relational drama.
Finding himself at the epicenter of a dwindling circle of friends was, unfortunately, not a new experience for Xander. He'd been through it many times before, especially before the Calamity, before he had the courage to live as his true self. The names and faces of those old friends had faded into the fog of memory, but the hurt their abandonment and betrayal seared into his heart remained. Remained and flared as he watched Iori stalk off in the middle of the night, proclaiming that he would focus on the true threats the star was facing- the primals- rather than allow himself to become distracted by petty geopolitical maneuvering.
Xander couldn't help but take offense at the auri man's description of the Crystal Braves. Yes, the organization was in its infancy and needed a lot of refining, but the idea was born of pure intentions and was not simple, petty politics. It wasn't, Alphinaud had grander ambitions than that.
Celeste's abrupt departure just after the conclusion of NOAH's investigation into the Crystal Tower hurt even more. When Iori left, Xander had been expecting it- he'd never seen eye-to-eye with the man. But Celeste, his ally, his confidante...
All the elezen left behind was a note.
"I think it's best if I go my own way for a while. Be able to help more people that way. Sorry. -C"
No direct words of confrontation, no litany of reasons why she left. Just an apology and silence. Now, M'hana was the only one left at his side as things in the wider world kept worsening. Rumors of dragons swarming the skies above Ishgard filtered to the Scions, prompting action.
Yet, they still had moments to breathe, moments of levity. Which is why, within the crystalline wastelands Mor Dhona had become, he and his miqo'te companion had set up camp beneath the stars.
After assisting the locals with some rampaging hippogryphs, Xander wandered back towards their campsite with weary step and heavy breath. The only thing that gave him some pause was the familiar sunny chattering with which M'hana filled the air. That she was talking to someone via linkpearl was obvious, but who...?
"...Oh come on, he's really not that bad."
Xander lurched behind a convenient crystal to keep himself out of sight, his heart dropping in an icy pit to the depths of his stomach. He didn't want to assume, and yet he couldn't help the inescapable suspicion coiling around his gut that she was talking about him behind his back.
A suspicion confirmed moments later when M'hana continued, oblivious to her eavesdropper, "No, seriously, Xan is fine. I get why ye left Elly, I really do, I know he was sort of shoving ye out of yer main 'thing' for the group. And- okie, I'll admit yer right, he can be a bit of an arrogant prick just like the Leveilleur boy can, but it's not that bad hanging out with him."
His heart squeezed, an old, familiar dread settling into the marrow of his bones. Dread, followed swiftly by seething resentment. So, Celeste answers HER linkpearl calls but refuses to answer MINE. And M'hana stays in touch with her behind my back, likely PRESUMING that I wasn't like to take it well if I found out...
"..and to be honest, Celeste? I feel kind of bad for the man."
Thump.
"I mean it's pretty obvious he never had many friends growing up."
Thu-thump.
"And it cannae be easy for him right now, handling all this shite on his own. I sort of pity him, y'know?"
Dread and festering resentment seared into rage. Xander's veins and eyes both felt ablaze as that ever-familiar word, 'pity', dropped once more from the lips of someone he trusted more than any other. Pity, sympathy, oh-don't-you-just-feel-so-bad-for-them, look-I'm-a-good-person-for-befriending-them. That's what it was. That's what it always was, never that they valued him, never that they enjoyed his company, oh no. It was always pity and usefulness that drove them.
His fists clenched at his side, his teeth grinding as he tried his damnedest to keep treacherous tears from falling down his cheeks. He stalked over to their shared campfire, M'hana's blithe and cheerful wave only stoking the fires of his fury.
"So. So. You pity me, huh? Is that why you stayed?"
The Sun Seeker's smile shrank by several molars. "...ye were listening in on the linkpearl call, then?"
"Answer the question."
She rubbed the back of her neck, tousling silver hairs at her nape. "I mean, no? Kinda? Not really? Look, it's sort of complicated-"
"Do. Not. Lie. To. Me."
M'hana shrank back as he stepped towards her, brows furrowing in a pained expression as she replied, "I wasn't! I'm not. I- fuck's sake, Xan, I didnae mean it like that-"
And there it was again. The same gormless, spineless excuse. Xander could practically feel the venom in his words as he spat, "Oh, I'm so sorry to have misinterpreted you, then. Pray, tell me then, how exactly did you mean it when you told Celeste you 'felt bad for me'? That you 'pitied me'?"
M'hana worked her mouth wordlessly for several moments before settling into a defeated pout.
"What's the matter? Coeurl got your tongue, Hana? Or are you just scared to admit the truth?"
She sighed, her expression uncharacteristically serious as she rose from her seated position and set about gathering her things.
"Oh. Oh, so you're just going to leave too? Too much of a coward to even bother answering me? I suppose I shouldn't be surprised, coming from the woman who hid behind the mask of her dead husband for moons and ran away when the world needed her most after the Calamity."
M'hana's body tensed, and Xander felt a lash of regret strike against his heart for those unspeakably cruel words as soon as they left his mouth. He recoiled, expecting for her to lash out in return, to shout with all the fire and fury he deserved for such a comment.
Instead, she kept her voice level. Annoyingly serene. "Look. I tried to give ye more of a chance than the others did, all right? But ye've clearly got some stuff that needs sorting out in yer insides, and ye know what? I'm comin' to realize it en't my job to help ye with it. I'm lettin' meself off the hook. Best of luck with the Braves, Xan. Ye and Alphie are gonna need it."
And before he could say anything else, the aether around her warped to whisk her away, leaving him alone by the campfire.
"...You're 'letting yourself off the hook' from helping me?" Xander murmured, incredulous for a moment before his voice rose to an echoing scream. One that he knew had no chance of ever reaching its intended target. "Well that's FINE! I never needed you! ANY of you! Filthy, parasitical leeches, the lot of you, riding the coattails of the Warrior of Light until he was no longer of use to you! That's just fine, I'm letting all of you off the hook from ever dealing with me again! I don't need you! I don't need ANYONE!"
His last scream echoed for what had to be malms for a moment before he collapsed to his knees, burying his face in his hands and letting out the sobs he'd been holding in. Bravely as he proclaimed it, with as much cruel certainty as he spoke those words, Xander knew himself for a liar.
He couldn't do this alone. He couldn't. Not when a confrontation with the Father of Dragons laid ahead of him. And so, when he'd finally managed to wrangle his emotions back under control and obtained a fitful night's sleep, he made a quick call in to the Scions for some adventurer backup. He would need the assistance to scale the wreckage of the Agrius. He could only hope that they would prove competent enough to handle the threats before them.