[]enjoyed By Yang - Tumblr Posts

pain???? yeah

endless cycles

another angst drabble bcuz y not?

his shrivelled cries shook the room, the jolts of his body enough to wake you out of your slumber. “’tsumu?”

his heartbeat elevates with every sob ripped from his throat, hands feeling in the darkness for you. “y/n? is that you?” his voice is soft, yet the quiver of his lips is almost audible.

“hey, what’s going on?” you take his hands in yours, and they’re shaking. hesitating, he takes this opportunity to climb on top of your body, laying his head in the crook of your neck.

“you were gone.” he whimpers, a hint of betrayal and anger in his voice. “you disappeared right from under me..”

he feels you nod against him, your frozen digits tracing lines along his arms. “i know tsumu, but i’m here now.”

he sinks further into you, squeezing you tighter as if that would prevent you from fading, from leaving again.

“don’t go again, please.” he mumbles, feeling as your body goes limp beneath his own. “y/n, please.”

“you can’t bring me back, ‘tsumu.”

then your body is gone as he sinks further and further and further into the bed, ‘til he’s crashing through the floor, once again thrashing and sobbing in the sheets.

“‘tsumu?”

“y/n? is that you?”

and so the cycle continues.

WHY IS THERE SO MUCH ATSUMU ANGST TODAY WHAT DID THE BOY DO TO EVERYONE 😭

[2:18 PM]— MIYA ATSUMU

Yesterday, you had your first date since the break up, you’d decided it was time to get up and try and move on.

It went well, you supposed. He was a bit bland though, and his hair wasn’t styled quite as well as it could’ve been, his jokes were a bit off in their timing, and he did more talking than he did listening. But still, it could’ve gone worse. That’s what you’d told yourself.

Yet, when you got home, and you were laying in bed, one person came to mind, and you found yourself wondering what it’d be like to go on a date with him again, wondering about how charismatic he always was, how tousling his hair would still leave it perfect, how he could make a joke out of anything, how he always let you ramble about tiny things as he sipped his drink.

Atsumu.

And there he was before you, shit faced and all, tear tracks down his face as he leaned on your doorframe when you opened it. He smelled of his usual cologne, but there was a lingering smell of alcohol— liquor, you were pretty sure, it seemed strong.

“Tsu— Atsumu.” He giggled a little.

“Ya know, even though yer sayin’ my full name on purpose, ‘m still happy ya said it. Sounds pretty when ya say it,” he winked, another tear rolling past his lash line when his eye closed. Sighing, you hugged yourself, shuffling on your feet.

“What are you doing here?”

“Don’t know. Ya gonna let me in? I wanna sit down,” he shrugged, words slurred and paused at random times, but it still sounded like him— smooth and steady, even if a little rough around the edges.

“Atsumu, you should go home. I’ll call Samu—”

“Yer gonna set my death in stone, angel. Do ya wanna do that? He’ll kill me if he’s gotta pick me up now,” he laughed, tilting his head back as though it were a funny joke, chest rumbling with each chuckle. “He’s... he’s what do ya call it...? Tired! That’s the word. Yeah, that’s it. He’s tired. And so were you, and so is my team, and ‘m pretty sure my mom would be disappointed if she saw me drunk of my ass at three am, so I can group her in too,” he rambled. “Oh! My neighbor is tired too, did ya know that? He says I gotta stop singin’ so loud when I come back home late at night. I can’t help it, angel, the songs in the club are so catchy, they get stuck in my head.” Shaking your head, you took a step forward, making him quiet down as he looked at you.

“Atsumu—”

“Can’t ya just call me Tsum? Don’t kick a man when he’s already down, y/n. Don’t wanna break my heart more than it already is, do ya?”

“Why are you here?”

“Why do I gotta tell ya? Ya think ‘m here for a late night snack? ‘M here to hear ya say ya love me. So say ya love me, say yer not mad anymore, say ya don’t hate me, say ‘tsum, ya absolutely own my heart, I miss ya so much babe, let’s get back together.’” He looked at you, mirth laced on his face, but his eyes were broken and dim, not ignited by the usual fire that burned in them. Everything that Atsumu was— fiery and passionate, charming and magnetic, loud and bold— was seemingly gone when you looked into his eyes.

“I can’t.” You didn’t know what else to say, the tears slipping past your own cheeks now too.

“Ya can! Yes, ya can, y/n! Ya just won’t. That’s okay, I’ll try again some other day, I’ll probably be drunk though, gotta warn ya, but—” and this time you cut off his rambling, dragging him into your apartment and to your bedroom, sitting him on your bed. “Oh! It’s cozy in here! I like this bed set,” he said excitedly. “Like what ya’ve done with the place! Yer so creative, you,” he giggled, booping your nose while you tried to take off his jacket.

“Thank you, now lift up your arms.” He did so with no hesitations, smiling as he looked around some more. You took his shirt off quickly, trying your best not to stare at the sight— he liked sleeping shirtless, he sweat through his shirts at night.

“My room’s kinda empty right now, so there’s not much to see. Ya should come see it sometime, though!” You decided not to tell him you knew what it looked like, that it used to be your bedroom too. Sighing, you threw his shirt into the hamper. “I usually sleep on the couch though, cos I don’t make it to my room by the time I get through the door. Makes my back hurt.”

“That’s nice, Atsumu.” You knelt down to take off his shoes, untying the laces as he continued to speak.

“I told ya to call me Tsum,” he pouted. “Anyway, I gotta tell ya a secret, y/n. I think I made a mistake, ya know? I was talkin’ about it the other day with the Uber driver, he said some things and they made a lotta sense, lemme tell ya.” You couldn’t fight the smile that spread across your lips even if you’d wanted to. Standing up, you placed his shoes and socks by the doorway, hanging his jacket to find in the morning when he left.

“And what did he say, Tsum?”

“There ya go! That’s more I like it,” he cheered, clapping his hands excitedly. “He told me I sounded like I was scared of fallin’ in love or somethin’ like that. I told him ‘nuh uh, ‘m no scaredy cat’ and he didn’t believe me. But then I was thinkin’ and then I was thinkin’ s’more, and I realized somethin’.”

“And what’s that?”

“I was scared,” he whispered, staring up at you as you gently shoved him back, laying him on the bed.

“Oh yeah?”

“Mhmm,” he nodded, watching you bring the blanket over his body, tucking it under his chin the way you always did. You fought the urge to smooth back his hair and kiss his forehead like always too. “But guess what?”

“What?”

“‘M more scared of bein’ without ya than bein’ in love, so I’ll come sweep ya off yer feet again so ya’ll keep calling’ me Tsum. I promise. Be ready, kay?”

“Okay, Tsum,” you chuckled, watching as he closed his eyes with a grin on his face.

“I love ya, y/n. Yer so cute. The cutest. And so nice too,” he mumbled, drifting off to sleep.

He didn’t remember you giving into the urge, sweeping back his hair and kissing his forehead, nor did he hear you mumble you loved him too. But Atsumu still left your apartment the next morning with a bit more hope in his heart, ready to fulfill his promise the next time he saw you.

what the fack im crying

burn.

⤷ suna rintarou x f!reader

tw. alcohol, vomiting, profanity, cheating, mentions of fire

genre. angst, a lil' bit of fluff, college!au

word count. 4.1k

a/n. this is definitely the longest i've ever written and it took me days to complete lol

the alcohol in your throat burns.

you down one shot after another, not giving a single care to anything else happening in the club. the music is blasting like crazy, the colorful LED lights shine around the room and people are dancing, laughing happily.

you hate it.

it's painful. painful to the extent that as you look around the club, you catch sight of a girl near the exit of the club, hunched over a dustbin and puking. it's disgusting, really, but the man behind her who you assume is her boyfriend, is holding her hair back as she vomits. and when she's done, he pats her back and hands her a bottle of water.

it's painful, so so so painful.

they remind you of you and rintarou suna.

when the both of you interacted at this exact club, in such a situation.

when the both of you interacted at this exact club, in such a situation.

"y/n come on! let's dance! maybe you'll meet someone!" your friend is grinning at you cheekily, hand wrapped around your arm as she pulls you towards the dance floor, the center of the room. as resistant as you were, you end up agreeing because she wasn't going to take no for an answer ever.

so you do, you do dance and you do meet someone.

the moment you are pulled into the center, you straight up bump into a stranger and he, thankfully, catches you on time or else you would have fell face-flat onto the ground.

"i'm so sorry! my friend just—" the moment you look up from the manly chest of the stranger, you freeze.

the stranger is beautiful, so beautiful. his dark brown hair with middle parted bangs, some strands of hair stuck out at the top of his head, grayish-yellow narrow eyes that reminded you of a tibetan sand fox. god, he was gorgeous.

he holds a blank expression as he stares down at you, but the moment you blush and look away, he smirks, "it's alright, but are you gonna keep holding me?" his voice makes you want to swoon but you don't wish to look like a fucking idiot so you clear your throat and let go of him, his heavy cologne seeming to stick to you like magnet.

"sorry," you utter again though you doubt he can hear you over the loud music so you just smile awkwardly, "well uhm, bye! have a good night!" then before the stranger can even respond, you're fast on your feet, turning away and slipping though the crowd.

it isn't until after 30 minutes of sweaty dancing that you tell your friend that you needed a drink and you manage to squeeze past the group of horny youngsters grinding against each other.

you heave a sigh of relief the moment you do, the cramped up space seems to make you suck in your breath countless of times. you make your way towards the bar, grabbing a few drinks as you look around the club. the shots were helping you cool down faster than you think, sweat slowly drying as you start to down more and more shots. you feel giddy already yet the burning sensation in your throat is so satisfying—you don't think you can stop.

god, you love the way the alcohol burns away all the pain in your heart. it was the only way after all.

"ah, fancy seeing you here again." the voice sounds so familiar and as you gaze up from the table through your eyelashes with drowsy eyes, you soon find yourself coming face to face with the attractive stranger whom you fell on earlier. your cheeks are already flushed red, you're on the brink of passing out, but the moment you meet eyes with the man, you sit up so quick and a painful blood rush hits your head and causes you to groan at the sudden giddiness.

to add on to the trouble, you feel bile forming up in your throat, your stomach churning as you gag and you can hear the stranger through the loud music somehow, "hey hey hey! woah, don't puke here." you ignore him, finding no reason to converse with him as you cover your mouth with one hand and the other supports your head as you waste no time rushing to the bathroom.

while you puke your guts out, you're clearly, very obviously unaware of the stranger holding your hair back as he grunts in disgust, looking away. once you were done, he wets a paper towel and passes it to you, receiving a sloppy 'thank you' from you while you wipe your mouth with drowsy eyes. it only takes a second for you to realise that this man, the hot one you bumped into earlier is in the same female bathroom as you, is staring at you intensely as you clean yourself.

in horror, you gasp, standing up to your feet so quickly, you stumble a little as you hold yourself onto the toilet counter, "w-what the fuck are you doing in the girl's toilet?!" you point a finger accusingly at him.

he seems unfazed as he shrugs, "i was talking to you and you started to gag so i decided to help you. do i not get a 'thank you'?" he adds on, arms crossed over his chest as he leans against the wall.

"i didn't ask for help. and would you please get out? it's a girl's toilet for fuck's sake." you deadpan, wiping your hands with a paper towel before tossing it in the bin on the way out. he follows you, ignoring the odd look coming from a lady who was entering the bathroom.

he sits himself beside you on the bar stool when you do and it has you shooting him an irritated glare which he shrugs off. are hot guys always this irritating? is what you think.

"look," you begin, turning to him, "i thank you for helping me back there alright? but if you have some other motive for approaching me, i suggest you stop here." you look so serious, it makes him laugh.

"you think i'm trying to get into your pants? do i look like that kind of guy to you?" he laughs, sipping a little bit of his drink as he looks at you. your brows furrow in confusion, "is that not why you're talking to me?" the stranger shakes his head with a grin, "of course not. i'm just trynna get to know you." he says.

it makes you flush because when did a guy ever approach you first and try get to know you?

"huh," you mutter, "that's...new."

he looks over at you, shocked, "you mean no guy has ever tried talking to you first?" it embarrasses you because seeing how attractive he is, you're pretty sure he's gotten approached by many girls before, so you just look away, choosing to ignore. he somehow gets the message and just nods, not pressing further which you appreciate.

"how can i trust you anyway? i don't even know you other than the fact that you were just someone i bumped into." you say after awhile, still suspicious of his niceness. he shrugs, "i don't expect you to trust me yet, but maybe after this, you might." after this? you think.

then he sticks his hand out, smiling smugly as his eyes bore into yours. it has you cowering a little.

"i'm suna, suna rintarou."

you stare at him, then his hand, before reluctantly accepting it. perhaps it was worth a shot.

"i'm y/n."

in a span of the next two hours, you get to know suna. you learn that he's a first year organic chemistry major at the university ten minutes away from yours and that he was from inarizaki high school's volleyball club. he lives alone in his own apartment, claiming that having a roommate would be too much of a nuisance for him. you learn many, many things—some leaves you laughing hysterically, some leaves you wide-eyed and shocked, some leaves you smiling lightly.

suna notices that you're starting to get tired, yawning a few couple times as you blink back your tiredness and it causes him to grin at how adorable you were trying to stay awake.

"i think we should get you home yeah? it's late." he says as he grabs his car keys and stands up, straightening his blazer. you nod with a lazy grin, hooking your purse onto your shoulder as you send a text to your friend—who was probably already somewhere else making out with the dude she was dancing with.

he gets you home safe and you couldn't help the flutters in your heart when he reached over to help unbuckle your seatbelt when you were too tired to do so.

"well, i guess this is it for the night." suna says. you nod tiredly, looking over at him with drowsy eyes and a lazy smile, "thanks for tonight, suna. though i wish we had met on a better, more proper note." he laughs at that, "well, for sure. but then again, i would've still enjoyed the company either way." his direct comment leaves you flushing.

"y-yeah, for sure..." you comb your fingers through your hair, straightening yourself as you prepare to get out of his car when he speaks again.

"say, do you want to go on a date with me? you wish to meet properly right? we can't change that, but we can certainly get to know each other even better in a more quiet environment." he pops with a grin. you chuckle, remembering the few times back in the club where the both of you struggled to communicate over the loud music.

teasing, you lean over the center control and rest your elbow on the console box before pretending to ponder, "hmm," before you can even drag your 'thinking' longer, he scoffs, "don't pretend to think, doll."

the nickname sends you into a frenzy.

holy fucking shit, doll? that's hot. you think.

laughing, you nod, "fine, let's do it."

"please, you were totally blushing when you bumped into me." suna teases.

you hit his chest playfully, resting your chin on it to look up at him, "i was not! in fact, i think you were simping for me during then." you say with a cheeky grin, causing him to pinch at your nose gently to which you groan painfully at. "hey!"

"hm, i still am aren't i?" he retorts cornily. you laugh with a roll of your eyes, "tsk, you're pretty corny for someone so stoic."

fast forward three years later, the both of you are in your fourth year of university and also, dating and living together. it's not a big apartment, just a small and cozy one that's just a few bus stops away from both your universities.

somehow but also unsurprisingly, one date turned into two, two dates turned into a month worth of dating (suna was confused like were the two of you together or nah? then you told him you don't want to rush into getting together and he waited ) and then two months later, he officially asks you to be his girlfriend.

you didn't think it'd work out honestly, because initially while you were getting to know him, he seemed like someone who you wouldn't date, so you struggled to catch feelings that you could confirm weren't just infatuation.

but now, holy shit, you were so whipped for suna rintarou.

this man was downright perfect. sure, he had his flaws (i mean who doesn't?) and it was hard to adapt to his way of life—like staying home for dates and being absolutely lazy to clean up—but you got used to it, and he got used to your flaws too.

that was what love was about anyway—understanding one another and learning to accept each other.

before you met suna rintarou, your life was a disaster. no family and no true-to-you friends (even if you did it was only a few and suna eventually taught you to only care for those who cared for you. if they didn't want to care for you genuinely, it's okay to let go because why bother when they won't?) while you had perfect grades in high school, stress came along with it. while you got to enter the course that you wanted in uni, you had no one.

cold, quiet and lonely. that was what your life was before suna rintarou. and the only way you had to get rid of the troubles? alcohol.

as much as you hated that method, it was the only way to burn away the tugs at your heart. you thought it was the only way that you would ever have. until him.

there's no need to rely on alcohol to burn away the pain and loneliness, because he was there.

he melts away the walls you have built up in life, takes away every little trouble by just asking you how your day was and he listens to you.

the burn you once felt was hot, flaming like it was bathing in flames of fire, but suna rintarou melts it, with his perfect temperature of love. it's not as hot anymore and instead it feels warm. it doesn't leave a scar on you and wounds you, it wraps you up in warmth, and protects you.

god, you are so lucky.

"i love you." you whisper, snuggling into his neck as you leave a soft peck there. you feel his smile on against your hair, doing the same to you.

"i love you too."

you're not sure when it all went wrong, thinking back.

was it when he first came home ignoring you? or was it when you first cancelled a date with him without giving him a reason?

"hey rin, i'm sorry i—"

"where were you?" suna hisses, "i've been callling you for the past hour!" you frown, slightly surprised by his outburst as you gesture to your phone, "i texted you. i told you i'd be late." you approach him, trying to be as gentle as you can when you hold onto his arm but he pushes you away.

you jerk back a bit. he huffs, "you always do this! cancelling our dates so that you can study." he says it like it's a bad thing, like it was your fault. you texted him didn't you? so why is he so pissed? sure you had been cancelling your dates, but was it really necessary for him to sound so accusing? to blame your studies?

he knows how important your studies were and yet...

he doesn't say anything else and stomps to the room. you attempt to apologize again, but when you got to the door, it was locked. he locked you out. you can't hear anything inside so you assume he's asleep so you don't bother to try and call for him, knowing he'd just ignore you.

you sleep on the couch that night.

it'd been like that for the past weeks. due to your exams coming up and with many projects' deadline nearing, you tend to spend more time in school to complete it so that you could come home and spend more time with suna.

but somehow, he'd been so different lately. he's suddenly short-tempered, not as understanding as before, and kind of distant. even though, he sounded worried when you came home late, during the day he's a totally different person.

he's less talkative, less clingy, less...him.

it bothers you like crazy because you know you haven't been spending a lot of time with him but you told him before that you'd make it up to him once this period of time was over and he understood. he kissed your head and nodded, smiled at you sweetly and muttered, "i get it. i'll wait. take as much time as you want."

so what on earth was going on now?

it's midnight.

suna's not home yet. he hasn't answered your texts, hasn't answered your calls. you wonder where he is at this time of the night.

then you hear the front door click. it unlocks and in stumbles your drunken boyfriend. you rise to your feet immediately, "rin!" you exclaim, eyes wide at his crumpled clothes and his messy hair.

another thing happening as often, is this exact scenario that you have been encountering for the past weeks, at this timing of the night; a drunk, untidy suna.

"rin, god what happened to you? i texted you and called you but you never answered!" you rush to help him to the couch but he shrugs you away. he's stumbling so badly, you have to force him to not push you away when you assist him to the couch.

you huff as soon he drops onto the couch, eyes closed. kneeling down beside him, you reach out to brush away his fringe gently.

god, suna rintarou was beautiful.

as you stand to get a towel to clean him, he grasps onto your wrist tightly and stops you.

"what is it?" you ask softly, leaning closer to him. his eyes open a little and he frowns as he stares at you, "you-you're not rieko..."

rieko?

suddenly, the room felt cold. you started to feel fear crippling in, your breath quickening as you let out a shaky breath to ask, "w-who's that?" suna doesn't answer, and instead he pulls you towards him, causing you to land on his chest. he wraps his arms around you and squeezes, "r-rieko, don't you know h-her?" he giggles drunkenly. you feel your throat dry up.

because on his neck, is a lipstick stain and on his collar, is an unfamiliar feminine scent that you know isn't your perfume at all.

"s-she's my classmate. she t-told me s-she liked m-me." he laughs.

tears form and start to trickle down your cheeks, wetting his clothes. you choke on the liquid crystals as you stutter, "a-and what did y-you say?" you know what he said, he doesn't have to tell you. but to hear it fall from his lips, to hope that what will fall from his lips is a deny, perhaps you just wanted to delude yourself into thinking he was lying, that he was pulling a prank.

but of course, he wasn't.

"o-of course i said i l-like her too! you'd like her, s-stranger, she's r-really p-pretty and s-sweet!"

you don't hear the rest, instead, you tune him out and you cry yourself to sleep, in the arms of the man who just admitted he cheated on you for god knows how long?

when suna awakes, he takes in the quiet and chilly apartment. what happened last night? he can't remember, but he remembers seeing you.

you.

where are you?

he rises up from the couch too quickly, head aching from a hangover and he groans, "ah, fuck." he takes his time to get out of the couch to look for you. he can hear the shower running when he enters the bedroom and he knows it's you.

why are you so up early? isn't it a weekend today? there are no classes at all.

before he even thinks further, the water stops running and you step out in a towel wrapped around you, hair wet. water droplets trickle down your collarbone and he can't help but watch it happen. you were gorgeous, absolutely gorgeous. he expects you to smile sweetly at him like you always do, tell him that you are done with your school assignments and the both of you can go out only a date today. but you don't. you don't even spare him a glance as you stroll pass him.

why was your aura so different?

"m-morning..." he greets awkwardly.

why was it so tense? what happened last night? he's aware of the past few weeks' tension between the both of you and he's aware of the distance between the both you as well, but he figured that this week the both of you could finally spend time together, because he remembers you telling him that you had a lot of time from this week onwards. so this was his chance, to make it up to you, for being a dick and getting angry at you for the smallest things that you couldn't control.

so why? why was the gap growing bigger?

you nod merely in response, grabbing a set of clothes before moving back in the bathroom to change. you've never done that, you always change in the room even if he was around.

"i made breakfast, it's on the counter." he hears you mumble and he definitely doesn't miss the little waver in your voice.

suna can't remember anything from last night, nothing at all. so he answers you with a soft 'okay' and heads down, thinking you'd join him after.

as he downs the hangover soup you made, he can't help the small smile that plasters itself on his lips as he thinks of how your cooking is somehow the only one he'll ever enjoy the most (apart from his mom's of course). he hears a few clinks and clanks from the bedroom but shrugs it off as you probably just rummaging through the room to look for something you had lost.

it's not that at all.

instead, it's you exiting the room with a luggage in hand.

his heartbeat fastens.

what was going on? why were you packed? where were you going? why were you leaving?

"b-baby, w-wha—" he can't even ask a question because the stare you give him cuts him off.

your eyes, they're not glowing like before. instead, it's a dead, tired look.

"i don't think you remember. but i do." you say monotonously, "i don't know who rieko is but i do know that you like her. and i also do know you came home drunk with a lipstick stain on your collar and female perfume all over you." your voice cracks and his heart breaks.

rieko? rieko? rieko...? rieko... he repeats the name in his head, until it clicks.

"even if you didn't get with this rieko person, you came home with another girl's scent and make up with you, didn't you?"

his eyes widen, "w-wait i can explain! i-i-during then we were distant and all a-and i was vulnerable s-so when she confessed, i gave in to my temptation b-because i felt l-lonely a-and then—" he struggles to explain but he knows he doesn't need to. looking at you, tells him so. knowing his reason, tells him so.

"whatever the excuse or reason or explanation, whatever you want to call it, there's no point anymore." you snap, grip on the luggage handle tightening.

"suna." you call and he flinches. his last name sounds so unfamiliar coming from you.

"i'm sorry i didn't focus on you during a period of time," you utter, "but i remember you telling me that you understood, so i honestly don't know where i went wrong." he watches you swallow harshly, in attempt to not cry. you don't meet his eyes.

suna knows you're not at fault, it's not your fault at all. he knows that whatever the reason that caused the distance is because of him. because he was being an idiot. he said he understood you and your time needed to spend on your studies and yet, during that period of time, he sought for comfort in someone else and didn't even have the guts to tell you. he even pushed you away and blamed it all on you.

"that's all i'm sorry for. whatever your excuse, i can't stay with someone who cheated, no one can." you say before looking back up with an emotionless look, "so let's end this, suna." you don't wait for a reply, you just place his spare keys onto the shoe rack beside the door and you leave. he doesn't stop you, because he knows he has no right to.

you take back your words.

the alcohol doesn't burn.

instead, suna rintarou does. you thought he melted away every single pain you had went through, and you let him because you believed he was the chance you had to get rid of the flames in your heart. but no, you were wrong.

suna rintarou set your heart into bigger flames, spread the fire and let it burn for a long period of time, until it turnt black. until there was nothing but black. there's no warmth, no protection. he didn't heal the wounds and scars. he made new ones.

the alcohol doesn't burn at all.

love does.

© all rights reserved. all content belongs to kodzureads 2021. no translations, reposting and modifying of this fan fiction is allowed without my explicit permission.

this is so good i love it so much i almost cried omg but dont read it whilst listening to the sour album it just hurts 10x more 🥲🥲🥲

𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐆𝐄𝐓

» warnings: cheating, yelling, swearing

» pairings: atsumu & gn!reader

» genre: angst

» wc: 1,617

» a/n: here’s part 2 of What A Lie woohoo!! (‘given’ made me rlly sad so— yeah)

“I love you.”

You felt your heart shatter knowing that he did not love you. His heart did not belong to you. He did not belong to you, not anymore.

“Ya alright?” he asked, a light laugh emitting from his lips that pressed against another. You nodded, taking a sip from your mug, not trusting your voice. After a minute, you took a breath, setting the mug down before placing a smile on your face and turning to face Atsumu. The look on his face seemed so genuine, it seemed to be full of love, but you knew it was all a facade. His eyes were bright, full of joy and wonder. His smile, comforting and kind. But you knew. You knew that it wasn’t real and that it was all a lie.

“I think I’m gonna go out today,” you spoke, your eyes wandering around, desperately trying to look anywhere but at him. “Oh, I’ll come with,” he began, but you faltered. You stammered quickly while you tried to gain your composure, “I-It’s okay! I’m just gonna run and grab a few groceries, I won’t be long.” You gave him a smile to reassure him, but Atsumu gave you a questioning look. You always let him tag along when you went out, even if it was for a few minutes, so why the sudden change?

“Are ya sure, babe? Ya always let me come with,” he gave you a small pout, walking closer to you to wrap his arms around you, but you already turned the other way to grab your things. “I’ll be back soon, Tsumu,” you said quickly, making your way out the door after you had grabbed your bag and keys. Atsumu was left dumbfounded, staring wide-eyed at the front door. He knew something was off. He noticed you tense up the moment he wrapped his arms around you. He noticed the glossy look in your eyes when he went to kiss you. He noticed how you avoided his gaze when you turned to speak to him. Whatever it was, it made his heart sink even more knowing you didn’t want to be near him. But why? Last night, you both had fun. It was a perfect moment, so why now did you act so distant?

Atsumu pondered this during the entirety of your outing. He hadn’t even thought to make himself breakfast, and the rumbling in his stomach was the only thing to interrupt his swarm of thoughts. He sat at the table, picking at his food as he continued to wonder what could have possibly happened.

He was worried. The person he loved the most was being avoidant and acting so tense around him. He put his dishes away and went to your shared bedroom where he continued to think as he made the bed and went to the bathroom. He washed his face, hoping to clear his mind of the chaos and concern that plagued his thoughts. As he looked in the mirror he noticed a mark on his skin. The light purple hue that stood out against his fair skin. He smirked, thinking of you. But then he stopped mid-thought.

You two didn’t do anything last night. You both had gone straight home and fell asleep in each other’s arms. So where did this mark…

Fuck.

A wave of panic washed over Atsumu as he scrambled for his phone, frantically looking for your contact to call you; to beg you to come home. He had to explain, he had to tell you it was a mistake. He had to tell you he loved you and only you. He was drunk, he didn’t know what was happening, and somehow… Somehow he forgot about you. He forgot about your love. He forgot about your touch. He forgot about the way your eyes gleamed under the moonlight each night he went to kiss you. He forgot the soft feeling of your lips against his each morning. He forgot about the way your heart beat softly in his ear each time he rested his head against your chest after practice. He forgot about you in his drunken state.

He stared at your name in his phone, vision blurring as tears invaded his eyes. “No… No, no, no! It was a mistake… I swear— fuck!” he sobbed, he couldn’t bring himself to call you because he knew that you knew of his infidelity. He knew that you wouldn’t forgive him of his sins. He shook, his phone falling from his hands as he cried. “It was a mistake…”

About an hour passed, longer than you had told him. He had finally stopped his tears, sitting on the couch and awaiting for your return. “It was a mistake,” he muttered to himself for what seemed to be the millionth time.

The door opened, revealing you, the person he loved more than anything else. He stood quickly, coming to greet you. “H-How was it?” he asked, timidly. You still avoided his gaze, walking past him with grocery bags in hand. “It was alright,” you answered quickly, not wanting to stir anything. Atsumu gulped as he followed you into the kitchen where you both quietly unpacked the groceries. He tried to make small talk, but you only responded with hums or short answers.

He sighed, finally ready to confront the situation, “Listen, y/n, I—“

“I know, Atsumu,” you said curtly, your hands resting atop the edge of the counter. You took a breath, closing your eyes to prevent any tears that threatened to fall.

“I know you cheated.”

Cheated. The act of betraying your lover by being with another. The word stung like a slap across the face.

Atsumu opened his mouth to speak, but no words seemed to filter out. You turned to face him, your eyes narrowed and eyebrows furrowed. Tears welled in your eyes as your lip trembled. You tried to fight back the sobs that were bound to take over the second you opened your mouth to speak.

“Atsumu…”

“It was a mistake!”

A mistake? Of course. Only a mistake. He really loved you, that was the truth. It was just a mistake. But not one that can be easily overlooked.

“How is cheating on me a mistake, Atsumu? How can you say you love me and go and let someone else touch you? How can you spend your nights with me, sleep in the same bed as me, and kiss me when you let another person touch you? How can that be a mistake?” you snapped, tears streaming down your cheeks as your voice cracked. “Cheating isn’t a mistake! Those things don’t just happen by accident, Atsumu! You know they don’t!”

He stood there, tears flowing from his own eyes as he tried to reach out to you. His mouth hung low as words stammered from past his lips. “Y/n… I— I was drunk, please, I didn’t—“

“You being drunk isn’t an excuse! Being intoxicated is not an excuse to cheat on someone you’ve been with for years! High school, Atsumu! We’ve been together since high school! It’s been seven years! We’ve been together for seven years! How can you get drunk and forget that you’re with me?”

He dropped the hand that was reaching for you, head hanging low in defeat as he let out sobs, “I know… I know, I’m sorry, but I still love you, y/n! I love you more than anything, please! P-Please forgive me. I’ll do anything!”

You scoffed, laughing bitterly as you raised your head to the ceiling, tears still streaming down your cheeks, “Y-You think a simple apology like that is going to fix everything?”

“I-It won’t, but I—“

“Get out.”

“W-What? N-No, y/n, please—“

You slammed your hand down on the counter, leaning forward as you jutted your finger towards the front door, “I said get the hell out, Miya Atsumu! I never want to see you again! You threw away seven years— seven years of our love— out the fucking window, and you think a simple apology is going to make me forget all about how you cheated on me? Your pretty face gets you a lot of things, like another fucking person down your pants, but it won’t get to me. Not anymore. So get the fuck out, Miya Atsumu! Get out!”

Panic set in, Atsumu frozen in place as a shaky hand reached out for you. “Y/n, no… No! P-Please, don’t make me go, don’t do this—“

Before he could finish his sentence, you began shoving at him, your hands pressing firmly against his chest as you pushed him towards the door. “Get out, Atsumu! Get out, get out, get out! I don’t want you here anymore!” you wailed, your efforts becoming weak as you began to fall apart. But he fought back, he resisted. He engulfed you in his arms, sobbing and begging for you to let him stay, crying that he loved you and only you.

“Y/n, please! I don’t want to go, I want to be with you! I only want you! P-Please, don’t do this,” he begged, crying even harder as he held you despite you thrashing in his arms and screaming at him to let you go.

Miya Atsumu threw away seven beautiful years that you both shared together. All the moments you had kissing in the hallways of school just to be scolded by a teacher. All the times you cheered him on at his games. All the memories of laughing together at the park late at night. He threw those all away the night he got drunk and forgot about you. And now, you wanted to forget about him.

14. maybe a date?

NIGHT CHANGES

fourteen; maybe a date?

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zey’s notes

a date😳😳going too fast??idk

idk what to write in these notes anymore fjskdjs hope you guys are enjoying the story :)

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AYO???????

PLAY WITH FIRE MASTERLIST

pairing; mafia!sakusa kiyoomi x mafia!reader

““aren’t you afraid of my darkness, my dear?’ hades asked with mischief in his eyes.

‘‘no,’ persephone replied, ‘you haven’t even seen mine yet.””

genre; angst, fluff, smau + written series

warnings; blood and gore, nsfw, guns + violence, self-harm, drugs, slight mentions of dark content

[ the north side | the south side ]

「 part one; when fate first intertwined 」

-00

-01

-02

-03

-04

-05

-06

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AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHY zey uve done it again and u havent even released a chapter

pairing; mafia!sakusa x mafia!reader

warnings; blood and gore, nsfw, guns + violence, self-harm, drugs, slight mentions of dark content

““aren’t you afraid of my darkness, my dear?’ hades asked with mischief in his eyes.

‘‘no,’ persephone replied, ‘you haven’t even seen mine yet.””

[ the north side ]

- the north side consists of the whole land until the middle of tokyo; on the surface. the land they own goes far more deeper than that. tokyo is divided between the north and the south mafia. it is led by the sugawara family—y/n sugawara. this family has been on top of the north since 1868; the meiji era. each executive members are handpicked by y/n herself when she became the head.

y/n sugawara - the boss

kenma kozume - the consigliere (the right hand man)

ushijima wakatoshi - the underboss (second-in-command)

kuroo tetsurou - caprogimes I (captain of a crew/divison)

tendou satori - caprogimes II (captain of a crew/division)

shirabu kenjirou - caprogimes III (captain of a crew/division)

zey’s notes

the picture of y/n is just there for a filler so um yeah just imagine yourself fjskfj

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18. sherlock and 2 watsons

NIGHT CHANGES

eighteen; sherlock and 2 watsons

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zey’s notes

sorry for the wait :// i just didn’t feel like writing for some reason lol

also ik this chapter isn’t much so i’ll redeem that with tomorrow’s update

i also hope yall got the notifs this time :>

hope yall are having a nice day </3

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... why do i wanna do this now 🤨🤨

I wish I had amnesia and someone showed me my account so I could see what I actually feel about my works fhsudniskdd

19. give me another chance

standing in front of the miya household made you realize how bad of a choice this was and that maybe you should’ve just let your cousin do this alone. it was already weird that your cousin was comfortable enough to just invite herself into their house with no announcement, but it was too late since fumiko rang the bell and held your hand to keep you in place.

you heard shuffling from behind the door and took out your phone to act as if you were busy, “you’re such a pussy.” fumiko whispered beside you. when you turned your head to speak back, the door in front of you was already open and atsumu was staring at you two with wide and shocked eyes.

“what are ya both doing here?” what shocked you was the non-spiteful tone he used. wasn’t he mad about the whole ayaka situation?

“greetings to you too miya, are your parents home?” fumiko jumped right in to answer him, pushing him aside to enter their home, pulling you along with her. “uh no? they went grocery shopping but they’ll be back in a few minutes. why are ya asking?”

you looked around the house to see if he was lying but were met with two pairs of eyes staring at you and your cousin.

suna and osamu.

you immediately turned your head around to avoid a certain pair of eyes, keeping yourself busy with staring expectantly at the blond twin. “my father had some questions for your parents but couldn’t come himself, so he sent me as his envoy, and i took y/n as my company.” what a smooth liar your cousin was.

“if that’s the case ya both can just wait inside. we were just chatting along.” he pointed at his two friends sitting at the couch.

you could feel suna’s stare at you as you walked over to the other couch with fumiko; away from the trio. there was a very awkward silence between all of you that you could even hear the clock ticking above the television. however atsumu broke the silence with his question, “why couldn’t your father just give’ em a call?”

you could feel fumiko holding back a snarky comment with how she squeezed your hand to keep herself back, so you interjected yourself, “uncle is a very busy man. your parents aren’t his only employees and he had other important stuff to attend to. and y’know fumiko was raised for these stuff so why not send her instead?”

atsumu tentatively nodded at your reply, eyes still staring at fumiko who only gave him a forded smile on her face. while they were in their own world, you were staring at the trio in a questioning way because you weren’t expecting them to be…complaint?

“i know what you’re thinking y/n” osamu spoke, but this time it was directed at you. “yes we’re a little…displeased lets say, but at the end fumiko is your family and we agreed that going back to the old way would be better.”

you were still wary of them but nonetheless accepted his answer and continued with your silent presence, fully aware of the eyes that hadn’t left your figure since the second you stepped into the house.

suna hasn’t stopped staring since you’ve came. he knows you weren’t pleased by their presence, hell he bet even the dumber twin was aware of this. but he just couldn’t stop looking at you, his guilt eating him up.

why was he always so quick on jumping into conclusions? he was actually looking forward to your date but had to go screw it up with his man pride, his sister would’ve been ashamed of him. he wanted to find an opening to talk to you, explain himself, and maybe even ask for a third chance? he honestly lost count of how many times he’s wronged you, and he knew the chances of redeeming himself were probably slim to none, still he wasn’t one to give up.

when you announced that you wanted to grab some water, suna grabbed the chance and stood up in front of you to guide you to the kitchen. he could see osamu smirking from the corner if his eye. suna walked in front of you until you both reached the kitchen and suna leaned against the fridge staring at you pour yourself a glass of water.

“y’know you can just tell me what’s on your mind because your stare is not making me comfortable at all.” ouch, guess be deserved that.

“uh- about the date night—” his hand went behind his neck, a sign of him being nervous.

“—there’s nothing to talk about that night. you stood me up and i let you go. im not looking for more trouble.” you said, eyes still on your glass of water. and when you were about to walk out of the kitchen, suna grabbed you wrist and pulled with a bit too much force, resulting in your body fully leaning against his.

suna could feel the heat rising to the tip of his ears, this was the closest he had gotten to you, and although he would’ve preferred it under better circumstances, he would take what he could get.

“please give me chance to explain, even though i don’t deserve a second of your time.” he whispered against your ear, eyes closed. you could feel his breathing against your neck and it was taking too much self-restraint to not loose your stance at that moment.

“why should i spend my time listening to your excuses suna? you’ll just keep apologizing over and over again.” you breathed out, mentally clapping for your voice not shaking.

he took a step back to turn you to face him, his eyes not leaving your figure once. “i know i don’t deserve anything from you after how i’ve treated you, but please just give me a chance to explain.”

you were avoiding meeting his eyes, because you knew the second you looked into them you’d let him back in. yet some part of you still wanted to learn why he has stood you up that day, so you allowed him to explain. “fine, you have one minute.”

he released a breath he didn’t know he was holding, finally finding the chance to ask for forgiveness. he knows how embarrassing his reason is going to sound. “i- that day ayaka saw you with this dude and um- asked me if i was meeting up with you and when i said yes, she told me that she saw you two hugging and i—”

“what?” you were honestly baffled. he ditched you because he was jealous? and what did ayaka exactly tell him? did ayaka tell her parents too? cause that would’ve been very bad.

“let me get this straight. you couldn’t let your man pride go for one day and ask me who the guy was? you do know he’s like—the same age as my father?” this time you looked up to meet his gaze only to see he was sheepishly rubbing his neck looking anywhere but you.

“…i do. i just learned about it yesterday, and didn’t know how to approach you.”

“you do know how ridiculous this all sounds right?”

“…im sorry.” he was looking at you now, and as much as you wanted to ignore his apologies, you could see the sincerity behind his eyes and it was killing you.

“it hurts that you trust ayaka’s word over mine, when she doesn’t even know me enough to know my circle of friends.” you watched as nodded, a frown taking over his features.

“i know my mistake now and no amount of apologies will be enough to fix my way of treating you. but, could you please give me another chance? let me prove to you im worthy of your time and trust, please.”

you looked at him, biting your bottom lip while contemplating his apology. he was nervous to say the least, he could feel his palms sweating with the silence you gave him. he’s never been one to apologize this desperately but there was just something with you that made him want to never leave your side, despite how his actions proved otherwise. he’s just never felt like this before and didn’t know how to approach it.

“…alright. but one last chance. i swear to god if you screw this one up, its over.” you didn’t know which action caught you more off guard, the huge smile he gave you, or the way he tightly hugged you. slowly yet gently you raised you arms to hug him back, hand unconsciously reaching to caress his hair. “don’t screw this up rintarou.” you whispered in his ear as you left his embrace to join everyone back in the living room, your voice leaving him a blushing mess in the kitchen.

when you returned back to take your place next to fumiko, you realize she wasn’t in the room and nor was atsumu. “where did they go?” you asked osamu as you took your seat with suna’s eyes still on you.

“i think they went to check something in our parents office.” osamu shrugged.

you closed your eyes to heave a sigh, even though she assured you she hated him, you couldn’t shrug of the tension they had between them. “they better not be making out.” you muttered under your breath as you took your phone out to keep yourself busy while waiting for the twins parents.

you missed the way osamu cringed after hearing your silent statement.

NIGHT CHANGES

nineteen; give me another chance

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zey’s notes

here’s a long update after not posting for the past few days. i just feel like im steering off the romance plot and going into more of a story plot and don’t want to bore you guys :/

but the ending…any thought? and do you think y/n should’ve forgiven suna?

i’ll update tomorrow since it’ll be text messages only and not a written chpter

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PAIN????

sakusa did not believe in love (until he met you) 

sakusa kiyoomi x gn!reader. 

wc: 0.6k; fluff to angst.

a/n: i don’t rlly know what this; just kinda blacked out writing it lol

sakusa didn’t believe in love. 

in high school, he would receive confessions every other day. a steady of stream of admirers baring gifts and cutesy notes claiming that they were in love with him. he’d politely decline, of course, because how could they love him when they didn’t even know him? 

once he entered the professional leagues, love was all his teammates would talk about. most would assume lockerroom talk was crass and degrading, but not this lockerroom.

atsumu would babble about a recent date turned disaster despite his extensive planning, while hinata would fret about what gift he should give his partner for their 3 month-versary. bokuto would be in a haze, showing off the pictures of his girlfriend he kept in his wallet while divulging the details of their most recent fight to any willing listener.

if that was love, sakusa didn’t need it, for love sounded much too troublesome for him anyway. 

curious, though, he would ask his teammates about it. why bother going through all this trouble for love? why was love so important for them? what is love?

they would say it was just a feeling, that he would just know when he was in love, that it was enough to make someone so giddy that they would throw all logic out the window.

yeah, right.

sakusa remained unconvinced, for he was nothing if not a pillar of reason.

suddenly, you came crashing into his life, and the love he didn’t know he had to give came pouring out. from the moment he first saw you, your warm eyes had melted the cold exterior he had fronted his entire life. 

there was something about you that would render him a babbling mess, stumbling over his own words with a lack of grace no one else knew was possible. his heart would erratically thump at the mere thought of you, so much so that he was sure it would burst free from the confines of his chest, as you already pried open the cage he had kept it in for so long.

even your touch was electrifying. from the first time he held your hand to the first time his lips grazed yours, it was enough for his brain to short circuit, forgetting about the entire world because in those moments, you were his world and nothing else mattered. 

the boys would snicker as sakusa would talk about you nonstop in the locker room, badgering them on what he should wear or what kind of flowers you would like, but it was all in good fun, because for the first time in their lives, they saw sakusa in love- the very love he once claimed he didn’t believe in.

the first time he professed it aloud to you, it caught you off guard. you were scolding him to eat more vegetables in your god awful kermit the frog impression, and it just slipped out. still, it didn’t make the words any less true. 

i love you. 

from then on, those three words became a simple fact of your relationship, a whispered mantra meant for your ears only, and armed with those three words and you by his side, sakusa had found his forever.

but when you were at dinner one night, refusing to make eye contact with him, 

when you were explaining how you couldn’t do this anymore, how being in a relationship with a professional athlete was just too hard, how the distance was becoming too much–

when you were breaking the very heart you singlehandedly thawed and rescued from the confines he so long kept locked up behind bars, the heart solely reserved for you and you alone,

sakusa realized he very much did believe in love- you were living, breathing proof that love existed. 

but the diamond ring in his pocket, growing heavier by the second, proved something else too: 

love existed, just not for him.

thanks for reading!

angst list | fluff list | masterlist

WAIT THIS IS SO CUTE

A Genuine Mess - Atsumu x f!reader

Pairing: Atsumu x f!reader

Summary: Atsumu insults you, the quietest girl in his class. But as he gets to know you, your few words often leave him blushing.

Genre, etc.: Tooth rotting fluff, Atsumu is a dork in love but still consistent with his canon character, reader is quiet but not timid

Warnings: none

Author's Notes: I wanted to try a different personality for the reader as well as taking one of Atsumu's negative character traits and flipping it on its head :) This was fun to write. Hehehe.

Words: 1.9k

*****

"What? She's here for me?" said Atsumu. He pressed his lips together to hide the smile forming on his lips. As he attempted to walk to the gym doors as normally as possible, Aran tilted his head while Osamu wore an amusing smirk.

Atsumu leaned on the frame of the gym doors. "What'd ya want?" he asked you, trying to be as smooth as possible. His voice didn't reveal his usual arrogance and was unexpectedly gentle.

"Could I see your hand?" you asked him with a quiet but direct tone.

When he held his hand out in front of you, you delicately turned it over, palm faced down, and positioned his fingers one by one. You didn't notice him gripping the side of his jersey in his other hand, trying to keep it together every time your fingers grazed his skin. You let go of his hand to pull out your phone and angled it to get a good shot of his hand.

Click.

"Thank you Atsumu-san," you told him, putting your phone away and leaving the gym.

Atsumu returned to the court, not even able to hide the childish grin from his teammates anymore. Some widened their eyes and others dropped their jaws as they witnessed the entire scene.

"So when did you start liking her?" Suna asked him.

"I don't like her," Atsumu adamantly responded.

A laugh escaped Osamu's lips and Atsumu told him to shut up. He hated that his twin knew exactly why he was acting like this.

*****

"Well that looks ugly."

Seated at your desk, you looked up from your sketch to see Atsumu's scrunched up nose. It didn't take long for it to disappear. Osamu whacked him on the head for insulting the quietest girl in class two and quite possibly their whole year.

"Sorry about this jerk," Osamu told you. "He doesn't have a filter."

But when he started to drag Atsumu away from you, they heard the rare sound of your voice.

"Miya-san," you said.

They both turned around but after looking at each other, they assumed you were referring to your classmate Atsumu.

"Why does it look ugly?"

"Ha?" Atsumu gawked at you. He scratched the back of his head. "I dunno. The shoulders just looked gross"–he got whacked on the head again–"Hey!" He glared at Osamu.

After they bickered for a bit, they turned their attention back to you, but you were already facing your desk, immersed in your sketch. Osamu raised an eyebrow at Atsumu, expecting him to know what that was all about, but he only shrugged his shoulders, not having a clue either.

The next time Atsumu heard your voice was when you came to see him at his desk.

"Ha? What's this?" he asked.

In front of him, you had placed another sketch. You didn't say a word but looked at him as if you were expecting some sort of comment.

Atsumu raised an eyebrow but looked at the sketch anyway.

"What's wrong with this dude's hand?" he asked as he squinted at the drawing, holding your sketchbook up to his eyes. "It looks like it's dislocated or something."

The classmate beside him shot his eyes open. He then looked up at you to see your reaction.

"Thank you," you told Atsumu with a little nod before returning to your desk. Those were the only words you had for Atsumu and they had left him and his classmate speechless.

Atsumu's eyes lit up the third time you came to his desk.

"Which one looks the worst?" you asked him, showing him three different sketches.

"This one," he said, pointing to the one in the middle. "There's no way a person could have hair like that."

You ignored his comment and asked him again which one looked worse. He still chose the middle one, saying the expression reminded him too much of his brother.

You gave him a nod as thanks and as he watched you return to your desk, there was a small uptick at the corner of his mouth, gazing at you gathering your pencils together and continuing your progress.

Over the next couple of weeks, he watched you from afar as you drew doodles during class when you should've been paying attention. He wondered if he should actually write notes from the lesson in case you needed them. Maybe he'd pass them to you the next time you showed him your artwork.

But you hadn't made a trip to his desk during the next two weeks. Why did you stop coming? So when you left the classroom, he quickly opened the sketchbook that was left on your desk and went through it page by page, curious to see what you'd been drawing this whole time. As he flipped through the pages, he saw how your drawings had gradually improved. He couldn't help but smile at your growth as an artist.

"Miya-san."

He jumped at your voice and snapped the book shut. He fumbled over his words. "I wasn't looking! It just fell and I picked it up from the ground!" he told you. "When I put it back on yer desk it just happened t' be like that!"

He then saw an expression he had never seen on your face. Your brows were furrowed and your lips turned into a frown. You let out a deep breath. "Miya-san, you're free to look through my sketchbook, but please don't lie to me."

His eyes widened before he lowered them to stare at the classroom floor. Shoulders sagging, he told you in a hushed voice, "I'm sorry." He sighed and dragged his feet back towards his desk. But just when he was about to pull out his chair, he heard your soft voice.

"Miya-san," you said, looking directly at him when he turned to you. "Like I said, you can come and look at it whenever you want."

Atsumu pressed his lips together, trying to hold back a stupid grin on his face. But his eyes betrayed his attempt as they crinkled and turned into crescents, elated at your offer.

*****

Over the next several weeks, Atsumu used any excuse he could to chat with you at your desk before he finally settled on talking to you about anything and everything. He tried to get to know you, asking you questions, but your answers were short and simple, not knowing how else to respond.

However, Atsumu shamelessly continued to talk about himself, his brother, the team, and whatever else was on his mind that day. You always nodded and listened with a smile.

"I think she's just being nice to you," commented Osamu.

"She's never stopped me," Atsumu replied with a huff, crossing his arms, which only resulted in Osamu shaking his head.

Without looking up from your sketch, you told him, "I like hearing him talk."

Osamu's eyes grew at your response but when he glanced over at his twin, Atsumu's ears and cheeks had turned red.

"Oh?" the silver haired twin said with a sly grin. "You're blushing 'Tsumu."

"No I'm not!" Atsumu said after clearing his throat and turning his head away. Osamu was about to tease him when instead, you said something that deepened his blush.

"It's cute."

Osamu's jaw dropped. Atsumu froze at your comment before deciding to put his face down on your desk, burying it into his arms.

As you and Atsumu got to know each other, he learned that you were still close with your friends from middle school. They were there for you, always supporting you and your passion for art. But when you asked them what they thought about your drawings, they had always said they looked good. You were grateful for them but you couldn't tell if they were just being nice.

"So is that why you asked me about yer drawings?" Atsumu noted. You confirmed it with a nod and he looked at you with longing eyes and a soft smile.

You caught him off-guard when you took a photo of him. "Your expression was interesting just now," you told him. "I want to use it as reference."

Atsumu blushed and covered the lower half of his face. He muttered something through his hands that you didn't quite catch.

"Hm?" you asked.

"Y-you can use me as reference any time."

You took him up on his offer. You'd often snap pictures of him, casually pulling out your phone when you'd find an interesting expression on his face. You even came to see him at practice when you wanted to practice drawing some hands. He often wondered what you noticed about him when you used him as reference, what expressions you saw in him.

One day after classes had ended and volleyball practice was cancelled, he sat at the other side of your desk as you switched to a different drawing pencil from your set. What did you see when you looked at him? His eyes? His nose? His lips?

His hand rose next to your face, his thumb grazing your cheek. When you looked up at him from your drawing, he pulled his hand back, suddenly realizing what he was doing.

He bit his lip, scolding himself for doing that to you. You called his name and his attention was back on you.

"Why did you stop?" you asked.

Butterflies were fluttering in his stomach, not at all expecting those words. Looking at you through his eyelashes, he saw you directly looking back at him. Were you serious?

Somehow getting the courage to make a move, he drew his hand toward you and gently cupped your cheek. He bent over your desk and brought his lips near yours, stopping midway as if waiting for permission to follow through. You leaned in a little closer and he closed the gap, feeling your soft lips against his.

Pulling back, his eyes studied your face for some sort of reaction. He bit his lip, doubting if that was what you wanted. Perhaps he didn't do a good job or you had changed your mind after the kiss.

What if you were just doing this for reference?

He searched your eyes for an answer, not knowing that you saw the insecurity in his.

"I liked it, Atsumu."

His eyes grew. He was both delighted and flustered, not believing that he got to kiss you, that you'd accept a kiss from someone like him. He hugged you and placed a kiss on your forehead, wrapping his arms around you and holding you close.

*****

"Guys! I have a girlfriend!" Atsumu declared, storming into the gym the next day. They all raised their brows when they saw who was holding his hand.

"Are you serious?" asked Aran.

"It's probably fake," Suna commented.

"He must have bribed her or something," Osamu added.

"All of ya just shut up!" Atsumu yelled at them as they all gave him a skeptical look. He sighed and dropped his shoulders as he held your hand.

They snickered and teased him, but when there was a silent pause in the air, they heard your voice for the first time.

"I like him," you told his team. Your voice was quiet but they heard every word. They freaked out, gawking at the two of you, an unlikely pair.

Atsumu turned his face away because his cheeks went red again. Your words, more often than not, caused him to be up in a fluster.

*****

I hope you enjoyed it.

I couldn't help but have Suna say it was fake for all my "A Glimpse of Yellow" readers. lolll.

If you liked this one, you might like one of these:

1) my Tendou one-shot (timid!reader)

2) my Sakusa one-shot (where he gets a crush on exchange student!reader)

3) my Kyoutani one-shot (another unexpected pairing)

And I want to shamelessly throw in my Suna chaptered fic (fake dating) just because it's my current series. lol.

I also have a Google form for my taglist if any of you are interested in it.

there are literal tears on my face

pairing: gojo satoru x reader

genre: angst, subtle mentions of death

an: sooo I haven’t written anything in a long while＼(￣▽￣)／ﾔｯﾀｰ! because fuck uni; consider this as a debut long piece on this blog. hope you liked it! (•̀ᴗ•́)و

-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈

“Sensei, can I ask you something?”

Ears perked up upon hearing Itadori’s question, the sorcerer signals his student to go ahead. Having exchanged hushed whispers amongst his other two classmates, Sukuna’s vessel finally musters the courage to speak up. The tension reeking in the atmosphere alone is intense, heavy enough for Gojo to feel the weight of it upon his shoulders. 

“What is it, Yuuji-kun?”

“Have … have you failed to save someone in the past?” 

With that, the white-haired male falls silent. Sunglasses dropped and mouth agape, he fails to answer his student’s question. Perhaps it is the oddity of the unexpected question itself which takes Gojo off guard, or the fact that the usual happy-go-lucky pink-haired teen comes up with such a heavy topic to talk about out of the blue. 

Yet neither of which is the root cause resulting in the sorcerer’s sudden loss of words. Little did Itadori and his classmates know, what sounds like a seemingly harmless inquiry about their teacher’s past soundlessly reopens a cicatrix deep within his heart, rekindling memories of his suppressed past that he wishes could be left behind. 

“Sensei? Are you okay?” 

The seconds tick by, but Gojo only responds with silence. 

Gaze boring deep into the ground and away from his beloved students, the sparkle in his cerulean eyes dwindling into a transient, dull flicker. Time heals all wounds, yet it is soon proven ineffective for him as the male reluctantly takes a trip down the dreaded memory lane, plunging headfirst into what Gojo deems the epitome of hell — his past, once more. 

Keep reading

HELLO???PAIN??? omfg reading this made my heart clench

conscious ft. manjiro sano

gn! reader

a/n: pov: i write angst on a toaster

warnings: major character death, blood, mikey is a warning once again, ooc mikey me thinks, alt universe?

you laid numbly on mikey's lap as blood gushed out of your chest.

the knife was deep inside your chest, and your likelihood of living was decreasing rapidly. he pressed the cloth against your chest, trying to lessen the bleeding.

tears dripped from his face, as he tried to help you the best he could. you caressed mikey's face, as you wiped the tears from his eyes with your worn-out hands.

"don't cry.. please."

"you can't go yet." he muttered under his breath.

there was just so much to do. so much to accomplish together. mikey had already envisioned it, getting married, moving into a house, and just growing old together.

he thought you'd stick around forever.

mikey couldn't handle it anymore. he needed you to talk to him, to reassure him that everything was fine. but all he could focus on is the blood on his hands.

he talked about things he'd never imagine telling you, such as how he sleeps with a teddy bear. as long as you stayed awake, he'd be fine. as he talked and talked, you could feel yourself getting more tired.

you started to zone out, your eyebags suddenly becoming heavy.

"I'm tired, manjiro."

his eyes started watering again.

"the ambulance will come soon, and you'll be fine! and once you get all better, we'll have our graduation ceremony. we'll finally be able to do all the things we've wanted to since we were kids. isn't it exciting?" he said, trying to ignore the bad outcomes.

"we'll be adults! and we'll have complete control over our own lives without anyone telling us what to do!"

you gave him a weak smile, wishing that you could live a bit longer so you could see him happy. he had been through so much pain, and he was losing everyone he loved.

he deserved so much more.

"i'll marry you, just like how i promised."

your breathing started to get slower, and your eyes were close to shutting fully.

"i love you, so please stay with me."

as he whispered the sentence to you, your body went limp. you suddenly were cold to the touch, and he couldn't look at your closed lids. he couldn't bring himself to move.

and on his eighteenth birthday, mikey suffered another loss.

ANGSTY ASL ?????

dear tobio

❥ word count: to be updated lol

❥ genre: angst

❥ notes: gn! reader, post-timeskip kags, sfw, spoiler-free

❥ warnings: none other than angst (proceed w caution)

❥ a/n: likes & reblogs are not required, but are always appreciated. this is also available on my wp acct, but!! this is a revised version just fyi :)

AWAKENED by the loud thrum of crickets outside, Kageyama slowly opened his eyes with utter darkness greeting his dozy vision. He knew he was a mess; eyelids heavy and swollen, his whole body feeling as if it was sinking deeper into the mattress like lead into the sea.

He was never the type to cry, especially not the type who would drench their pillow with wet, salty grief only to fall asleep and wake up with the same feeling of emptiness inside their chest. But the world was cruel, so cruel it had no room for remorse.

He was never the type to stop at anything either, let alone give up what he was born to do. But when his reality veered to the one where it no longer had you, every single thing felt like nothing but a hard chore.

You were like a broken film that kept playing over and over in his head; he wanted to make it stop, yet he couldn’t bear the thought of never seeing or hearing from you ever again. So even if it was all make-believe, who you were, how you loved him, and the way he felt about you were always going to be what felt real to him.

Not this. Not how you left or how he felt right after you did.

Attempting to overcome the unfathomable weakness all over his body, he turned on the lamp on the bedside table next to him. His eyes adjusted to the light for a quick second before catching a plain white letter on the same table resting under his phone. He knew whose letter it was from; it was a no brainer. It had been in that same position for months, yet he never dared to open it. Knowing he had to, eventually, he heaved a deep sigh and took it with trembling hands.

As he took out the paper inside and carefully unfolded it, his eyes met a familiar, delicate handwriting that he hadn’t seen in months. Months that felt like years.

Dear Tobio,

Crystal droplets of pure grief pooled in his eyes once again as he read the first two words. His throat felt like closing up as he tried to recall the number of times he broke down solely by thinking about you only to realize that he already lost count.

Was this really a good idea? he mentally asked himself. But at the same time, he knew there was no other way around this; it was now or never. Besides, this was all he had left.

Pushing through the inner dilemma he felt, he decided to go through what he wasn’t ready for.

If you’re reading this right now, I’m so sorry. I’m sorry if things had to end like this between us. I know I promised you that I would always hold on as long as you did the same, but later on I realized that I couldn’t live like this. I couldn’t be the constant reason for your pain. I couldn’t keep giving you false hope about things better, because we both knew from the very beginning that it was never up to us. I wish it was, but you knew the universe had always been against my wishes.

I’m also genuinely sorry for being selfish. For putting you in such a terrible situation where you had to spend time in a place full of sick and dying people just to be with me. You didn’t deserve any of that, to what I had put you through. I knew it would be cliché to say “You deserve someone better”, but really, you do.

You deserve someone who could go to your games and cheer for you like no other; someone who could spend time with your parents and even have brunches with them on Sundays; someone who could have after-school shenanigans with your best friends; and most importantly, someone who could love you without half of their existence already buried six feet under like me.

I guess my point in saying all of this was, it’s okay to let go now. Bid goodbye. Move forward. Don’t turn around to come back for what used to be. You already had a lot going on for you before all of this—before me—and the last thing you should ever want was to continue missing out on all of them because of the way things turned out. If you ever stopped going to practice and doing what you had always been passionate about, then you better get your ass back in the gym and pursue your future because that’s where you truly belonged.

I’m serious, Tobio. Dream deeper and fly higher. I had always believed in you. I couldn’t wait for the whole world to recognize your name and talent one day. I’m so proud of you, baby—proud of who you are and for the person you would become right after college.

Thank you for loving me in every way you knew how. I had the best time being yours.

Love,

Y/N

Myriad tears gushed down his cheeks as he read everything from top to bottom, causing him to wipe his eyes so much they were bloodshot and more swollen than before. But even then, such action wasn’t enough to stop the warm liquid stream of grief mixed with sorrow from staining the paper in front of him and causing the letters to create black, messy streaks all over the sheet.

He put the letter away, cautious not to ruin it even more, but most of the content were pretty much incomprehensible at this point. He tried to stand up, hoping to gather himself somehow, only to fail and fall to the floor in a disheveled heap with a huge sob escaping his mouth.

Painful memories once again deluged his head that seemed to go on forever in its depth.

Nasty. Traumatic. Unspeakable.

He knew you were gone, and there was no way he could ever bring you back. But God, to say this felt like hell would be the biggest understatement of all time. Because it wasn’t just because he lost the person who owned every part of him since his heart could remember, it was also because everything around him felt like a maze he only knew how to get lost in but never learned how to get out of.

He didn’t know what else to do or how to do it; all he knew was that he should look for a silver lining. Or at least try to. Not because it would undo what happened, but because it was a reminder that for once you were his, and for always, he was yours.

© omiversarry 2021

crying omfg

It's a terrible day for rain

Man. Angst seems to be all I can write these days. Much thanks to a friend of mine who beta read this fic for me.

“Ne, Toru. You think one day we will be just like them? Start a family together? Have children, watch them grow up…” your voice trails off, watching a family of three play by the water.

The sun shines down, bathing the both of you in its golden glow. A small break in between missions is all the time he can get to spend with you, so most of the time your dates are simply taking walks with him.

“I’m sure we will,” he ruffles your hair, a small smile gracing his features. “Little Gojos running around the house, climbing all over you, won’t that be a sight to see.”

His hand slides over, long fingers intertwined with yours. His palm is warm, his touch gentle as he runs a thumb over your skin. You look up at him, confused as he places a feather light kiss to your knuckles, cheek and finally your lips.

“Any chance you have an extra heart? Mine’s been stolen!” he flashes you a cheeky grin, laughing as he dodges your attempt to slap him.

“That was so cheesy!” you yell. “At least try a little harder!”

“That’s all it took for you to fall for me though,” he hums. You can tell that his bright blue eyes are sparkling in mischief behind the blindfold. You don't need to see them to know what he’s feeling.

You laugh, smiling ever so brightly at him, words forming on your lips that are now lost to him.

The sound of rain fills his ears, and the water slowly turns red beneath his feet. He lifts his gaze to its source - a body, slumped against the wall stained with their blood. Crimson droplets fall from his fingers as he crouches, reaching over to brush back the hair covering their eyes. His finger shakily trails down their stone cold cheek, leaving a red streak behind.

Your body is cold, so cold. He’s not sure if the rain has made you colder, or if bodies of loved ones naturally felt colder than others, but all he can focus on is the fact that you’re just so cold, a far cry from the warmth he felt each time he hugged you tightly.

“I’m so sorry,” he whispers, pressing his forehead against your lifeless face. He knows nothing will ever bring you back, least of all an empty apology. Saying it does nothing to alleviate the pain in his heart either.

“Gojo…” Utahime’s strained voice sounds behind him. He simply stands up, sliding his blindfold back on.

“We’re done here,” his voice betrays none of the turbulent emotions he feels as he walks away, hands shoved deep into his pockets. Ichiji remains silent as Gojo throws himself into the backseat of the car, slouching against the now wet leather seat.

“Home,” he says, nothing more. Ichiji doesn’t question anything. He knows of today’s mission, and from the looks of it, it was a success. If you could call it one.

The rest of the car ride is filled with silence, Gojo staring out of the window while Ichiji focuses on driving, leaving the sorcerer to grieve in peace. The sound of wipers clearing droplets of rain from the windshield is somehow noisier than usual, the high pitched squeaks piercing Gojo’s eardrums, reminding him of how alone he is now.

When your house slides into view, Gojo suddenly leans forward and says sharply, “No. Keep going. Drive to Jujutsu High.”

Surprised, Ichiji gives a quick nod, stepping on the accelerator again. Gojo flops back against the car seat, lifelessly watching your house pass by him in a blur. He can’t go back there anymore, not after he’s taken your life with his own hands.

Why’d you become a curse user? Why’d you turn against jujutsu society? Why’d you turn against him?

His hands begin to shake uncontrollably, memories of your last moments flashing through his mind. The way you were aiming for his throat, ready to kill, eyes filled with hate he never thought he’d see directed at him.

He had no choice. He had to put you down. In self-defense and to protect jujutsu society. Or so he keeps telling himself.

“I hate the higher-ups,” you mutter, kicking a small rock on the ground.

He raises an eyebrow at you, arm sliding around your waist, “oh, why?”

“I know what they’re trying to do by sending us on individual missions that are as far away from each other as possible. They want to separate us and take us out because they consider our relationship a threat,” you suddenly stop, looking up at him.

“I don’t want this stupid power play to continue,” you frown.

“Neither do I,” Gojo sighs. The both of you knew it was highly dangerous to get into a relationship and yet decided to take the risk, something he never regretted. You always brought a spark of joy into his life and made him feel like he could simply be Satoru, even if it was for brief moments at a time.

Each second he spent with you was a second where the burden of being the strongest jujutsu sorcerer was lifted from his shoulders, for he knew you were more than willing to help shoulder that responsibility.

“If only it was as simple as killing all of them,” you sigh, resting your head against his chest. He hugs you tighter in response, nuzzling his face into your hair.

“We will change this corrupt jujutsu society. One day we will have that happy family we dream of,” he whispers into your ear.

“I promise.”

So what went wrong along the way?

One moment you were happily stealing as much cotton candy from him as possible and the next you were out for his blood, mercilessly slaughtering any jujutsu sorcerer that stood in your way. What had happened during your last mission?

He couldn’t shake the fight from his memory. The way you refused to talk it out with him, your cursed energy baying for his blood as he did all he could to dodge your frenzied attacks whilst ensuring that he didn’t hurt you. That was the first time Gojo Satoru had ever been afraid in a fight, but it wasn’t for himself. He was afraid for you.

“Don’t get in my way!” you snarl, pushing his arm away and sending a burst of cursed energy at him. He dodges with ease, trying once again to grab your arm but you throw every last ounce of your jujutsu technique at him, wrestling your arm free.

“Calm down babe! Talk to me! What’s going on? We can get through this together!” he reaches out to you and once again you brush him off.

“Shut up! Either you stand aside and let me pass or you die alongside everyone else!” blood pours down your face from injuries sustained from earlier fights and into your eyes. Wiping it only causes the crimson liquid to be further smeared on your face and you spit out the blood that has trickled into your mouth.

“You’re already badly injured. I don’t want to hurt you any further,” Gojo frowns, throwing up Infinity to block all of your attacks.

You’re not thinking straight, he notes, as you continue to throw everything you have at him. Under normal circumstances, you would have cast domain amplification to override his Infinity but at present you hadn’t done so.

“Well that’s unfortunate,” you growl. “Because I have no qualms about hurting you!”

In your angry haze, your slip ups occur far more frequently and Gojo takes the opportunity to lock you in a choke hold.

“The higher ups have tasked me to kill you.”

He feels you tense against him, and for a split second he can see fear in your eyes but anger quickly returns as you spit your next words out like venom.

“So that’s what you’re here for? To kill me?”

“I don’t want to,” he releases you to prove his point, hands raised in surrender now that you’ve calmed down more. You slide into our fighting stance, eyes narrowed in suspicion but you’ve stopped trying to kill him. That’s a win in his book.

“So what are you here for?”

“To ask what happened that made them suddenly want you dead.”

You take a step forward, letting out a tired sigh.

“I killed someone important. They were trying to isolate me then kill me and pretend as though I died on the mission. But they underestimated my abilities. That’s why I’ve been branded as a traitor,” your cursed energy levels drop to a bare minimum as you slump against him, exhausted.

“You can’t do anything about it. Not as one person, no matter who you are. Because it’s undeniable that I killed an important jujutsu sorcerer, which is treason against jujutsu society.”

“No. I will find a way. I can’t lose you,” he shakes his head desperately. “You’re all I have left.”

“Toru. You have to leave me behind. For the sake of the new jujutsu world we dream of. I know you think you can't do it, but you have to move on. I’m sorry I couldn’t keep my side of our promise,” you smile, cupping his cheek.

Taking a few steps back, you ready yourself for the fight to resume. You close your eyes and recall each and every time the higher ups stood in your way of a happy life with the man you love, letting the emotions consume you.

Your cursed energy levels spike once again, flooding your entire body. When your eyes opened for the last time, the unending anger has drowned everything else out.

“So, please forgive me.”

Back at Jujutsu High, he finds the small red box he meant to give you when you came back from your mission and opens it, staring at the thin metal band that lies within. The diamond inlaid in the metal no longer glimmers in the backdrop of the pouring rain, bringing fresh tears to his swollen eyes.

Letting out a broken yell, he throws both the box and ring out of the window, collapsing onto his bed.

“I’m sorry,” he sobs, hugging his knees to his chest and bowing his head.

But sorry can’t bring you back.

CRYING?????? ME??? MAYBE

people and their egos.

genre. angst

main characters. gojo satoru, gn!reader

wc. 0.5k

a/n. not proofread btw,,, made this at 2am</3 this was mostly inspired by the tiktok sound thingy so like uhm yeah

you're not sure what time it really is right now. 10pm? 9pm? 12am? you don't know, but you're tired. you want to rest. you want to shut your bedroom door, hide under the covers and just sleep till the sun rises and sets. you want to sleep forever.

the house is silent. you are silent and so is satoru.

a normal person would apologize, say that he or she was at fault and say they would never do it again.

a person with a big ego? keep quiet. and that was what the both of you were doing right now.

you're seated on the couch, eyes shut and face buried in your hands as you taste the salty tears that had trickled down your eyes. satoru is standing at the kitchen counter, hands resting on it with his head down.

he sighs, "look, let's not do this today. we're both exhausted and clearly, not thinking straight. let's just—"

"i'm tired." you say, cutting him off. he nods at that, "so am i. so let's just sleep and—" you cut him off again, "no, satoru. i'm tired."

he looks over at you, eyes shivering as he evidently starts to panic a little. when he doesn't say anything, you look back up and meet his anxious eyes. you're pretty sure you look disgusting — messy hair, puffy, bloodshot eyes and cheeks tinted with dried up tears — but it's really the last thing you're concerned about.

"let's admit it, we do this every night. argue, run away from it, ignore each other then argue again. it's..." you trail off, scoffing ridiculously, "...immature of us. with our big-ass egos, we'll never make this work."

satoru gulps, hurrying towards you to kneel down in front of you as he grasps your hands in his. with tears welling up in his pretty blue eyes, satoru utters softly with a cracked voice, "okay, then let's not run away, hm? i apologize okay? i shouldn't have been late again and i should have at least texted you. so don't say that. don't—" he brings your hands up to his lips, pecking it, "—don't do this, please? i love you so much."

your heart tears at the sight. sniffling, you smile thankfully, apologizing as well, "i'm sorry too. i shouldn't have just screamed at you the moment you got home 'cause you were stressed and all." he smiles at you, seemingly sighing of relief as he responds, "i love you."

for a moment, it's just like the beginning. when the both of you had simply talked things out and made up easily. until it doesn't.

grinning painfully, you nod as you peck his forehead, "i love you too," he smiles. "but i can't."

his smile fades, "no. we can get through this. you're not alone. we said we would solve everything together so, don't." he pleads, hand gripping yours tighter and tighter.

"satoru, don't you see? we're just apologizing for the sake of it. this will never end. you and i, we're-we're never going to work out. not anymore." you say, pulling away and avoiding his gaze. at the end of the day, the same cycle would always repeat. it didn't matter if the both of you had put aside your egos. in the end, this was never going to work.

"but, i love you." satoru croaks, helpless, "and so do you. so why? why are you letting go?"

right, he loves you and you love him too. all the more, you should let go. because if you didn't do so now, it'll just gradually worsen.

"sometimes—" you smile sadly at him, looking away from his gorgeous eyes that fill with tears. he drops your and hand and onto the ground, crying.

"—loving each other, just isn't enough."

© all rights reserved. all content belongs to iwaizumri 2021.

renaissance and rebirth. they’d seemed so easy for so long, something that oikawa toru could bask in underneath the sun, something he could hold and feel as they overtook him as easily as he could feel rain upon his open flesh.

water was meant to be rebirth, was it not? the ocean was meant to be his path to retribution, meant to swallow him whole and lap at the wounds that had trenched deep into his skin until they met his bone, and then he was meant to come out anew. he was meant to step out of the ocean as doubt washed off of him, he was meant to step into the depths of this earth and be released as an extension of this water and soil.

yet as the ocean pulls at his feet, as he watches the sand swirl beneath him, he feels no different. it’s silly now, to think that the earth would ever treat him as anything more than human, and yet he takes another step into the sea. he walks until it covers his calves, now, lets the water consume that part of his body as though it was only ever the ocean’s to have and to hold.

being human is a horribly fickle thing. he can feel the way the sun settles into his skin, he can feel the quiet breeze in his hair, the way the ocean pushes and pulls with every wave, and there is nothing more.

and yet, he is human and, despite this lack of rebirth, despite the way he is still the man he was before he wished for the ocean to overcome him, oikawa toru finds no need to beg.

he hears the way you step beside him in the water before he ever sees you settle next to him. the waves give to you, ripples moving around your joints and into the waters that crash against him.

and humanity reveals itself in moments like these, when oikawa’s chest tightens as your breath reaches his ears, as the sea salt air feels sweeter, a little more vivid in the sense that this is sure to be a memory—that as each moment passes it becomes nothing more than a suggestion in oikawa’s skull, and he will be sure to know the chill of his spine, the taste of the ocean, the twist of sunlight in your hair as well in five years as he does now.

humanity tends to reveal itself in the moments that define memories, not in the earthly waters, not in the wishes we have made for ourselves, and certainly not in the desire to let go that holds deep in the marrow of oikawa’s bones.

no, humanity is found in what tells him to stay.

“there,” you say, raising an index finger to the horizon. “a sailboat.” he follows your gaze and, sure enough, there rests what could only be described as the shadow of a sail deep in the ocean’s palm.

“good eye,” he replies, and then returns to you once more. you’ve always drawn him to you, as though you were a whisper he was desperately trying to hear—he could only wish to be close enough to you to know each of your secrets, to know the way you work as well as he knew the ground beneath his feet.

and yes, humanity is in his moments of memory, and yes, humanity is in the way he can feel the sun, the sand, the water, the breeze, but most importantly yes, his humanity is grounded in the rapture he finds in you.

“iwa would be surprised to find you so quiet, toru,” you say, and as always, he leans in closer to hear you speak.

“it’d be heartbreaking for him, i’m sure,” he muses, and he’s sure to catch the way you stifle laughter with your breath.

and this is what rapture feels like.

“for him to miss it? certainly.”

he rolls his eyes at you, and then you knock your shoulder into his, sending him off balance. he grabs onto you as he sways, watching as the water flows between the two of you, but of course you laugh while he pulls on your arm, bringing him back up to where he once stood. he doesn’t take his hand off of you, and you don’t move to release him either. instead, he wraps his arm around your shoulders, bringing you into him with a quiet ease.

neither one dares to speak again. the ocean seems to flow around you, melding you together until you feel more like one body than two. and perhaps humanity is something like this, a silence in understanding, the moments after laughter, the soreness after a smile.

oikawa leans down and presses his lips against your bare shoulder, kissing your flesh in uneven certainty. the movement is unpracticed, unfamiliar, and, in its most delicate form, human.

and perhaps it is not perfection, a lack of doubt, a need for renaissance and rebirth from the ocean that could ever scrape the humanity from oikawa’s bones. perhaps there is nothing that could dare to remove what could be from the wounds entrenched in his skin. and perhaps, most importantly, it is you that will remind him of this piece of humanity.