Dumb Siblings - Tumblr Posts

"You just squished the gays!"

"I'm gay, so it doesn't matter!"

Context: my sister sat on my rainbow raccoon and smushed him

Update: I called my brother homo-phonic for punching said raccoon

"I don't think my thoughts, I just am a thot"

~my sleep deprived sister

Sister: have you ever thought about perishing?

Me: yes, on multiple occasions. Maybe daily?

Sister: cool

Me: no, it means I'm suicidal

Sister: ...oh

(This is a joke, I'm not suicidal)

More quotes because fuck me and my family are weird:

"I like that top. If I didn't have tits, I would wear it."

"Are you ok?" "No, I just got attacked by a clock"

"I'm related to a murderer?! And here I thought I would be the first to kill someone!"

"If my frog isn't on my bed when I come back, I'm going to rip your raccoon's butthole open!"

"What does outside have to offer me? Loud noises and annoying people? No thanks."

"Can you not be horny for one minute?" "That's to much to ask of me"

"I don't care if it's almost midnight! Two people updated their fanfics and I'm going to read them!" <I'll be honest, this one's me~>

Brother: Keep talking and I'll shove a buttered avocado up your but!

Mom: Who butters an avocado?

Me: I think you mean why you're putting avocados in peoples butts! °~°

._.

Quotes again!

"I'm going to shove a tube down you're penis and pour orange juice in it!"

"Sweetheart, you do know you're diabetic right? So you can't drink a whole bottle of caramel syrup."

*throws candy next to me* "Sexy~"

"The cake is trying to commit suicide and honestly, I can relate"

"Sorry, do I need to repeat myself? I said 'finally, we found something smaller than your tits'"

"Why the heck is one of our birds in the basement?"

"Ma'am, my life has more cracks in it than you're Apple phone"

"How did you get gay conversation from a pride parade?!"

"Why can't I vibe without you crying at me!!?"