Donella Vat7k - Tumblr Posts
I Already Know
“What the hell were you thinking Hugo!!!”
He had royally fucked up. Earlier today he had suggested (read: forced) their group to take a different route than the one Nuru had mapped out the day before. It'll be faster, he said . You'll thank me later he said. Well it just so happened that when Hugo was charting out their new route he had been holding the map upside down.
Oops
The road had been rocky and rough and full of thieves and bandits. This resulted in the group having half their supplies stolen, a wheel of the caravan damaged and they would be three days late to the next trial.
Oh did he mention it was raining? Because it was raining
Now Nuru was yelling and cursing at him (and you know she was really pissed if she cursed in front of Yong) while Varian and Yong were giving him dirty glares as they set up camp.
¨I told you to just follow the plan oh but nooooooo you had to be the stubborn bitch you always are and insist we go your way!!!¨
He rolled his eyes and with a snarky tone said ¨Look, I said I was sorry, what more do ya want from me Sparkles?!¨
¨You still messed things up for everyone today Hugo!!! You're always just so arrogant and selfish”
He flinched back the words striking his heart like sharp arrows, Nuru teased him all the time and he teased her but, not like this…this time her words cut deep into older wounds.
“Nuru, I-i'm sorry…”
Sorry isn't good enough!!!¨
Sorry isn't good enough…
You're not good enough...
His face fell and his gaze darkened. A tear slipped down his cheek but he wiped it away as quickly as it came as he turned away and shaky walked back to his tent.
Sorry isn't good enough…
You're not good enough…
The words repeated nonstop in his mind, just as fresh as the day they first were placed there.
—
He’d been twelve years old and just recently started working for Donella. He was on a mission to steal some jewels and scrolls from the castle but had gotten caught… he’d abandoned the goods in favor of making it out alive. But looking back the wrath of the castles guards were nothing compared to Donella’s
“You failed”
“I-i know Don, i'm sorry I-”
A harsh slap across the face caught him off guard, making him fall to the ground clutching his cheek before Donella grabbed him by the collar forcing him to look at her again.
“SORRY ISN'T GOOD ENOUGH!!!”
Another harsh slap knocking his glasses off his face and him letting out a cry of pain.
“You aren't good enough”
She kicked his stomach (and ribs) sending him kneeling on the ground again before her coughing up a little blood.
“I went easy on you this time…fail me again an d you don't want to find out what happens then”
He nodded slightly before she dragged him to his room by the ear and threw him on the floor and locked the door, leaving him to crawl up into a ball and cry himself to sleep yet again.
This was the first time Donella spoke those words to him, but it definitely wasn't the last.
—
He sobbed as the memory played in his head along with the words for what seemed the billionth time. He pulled at his hair and dug his nails into his arms but it wasn't good enough.
You aren't good enough…
He tore into and dug through his bag looking for… There
A small carry-on lighter that he used for fixing his glasses or other thin wire and for…
He sighed, tears still streaming down his flushed cheeks and pulled up his sleeve.
Small burn and cut marks lined his pale skinny wrists from the years of life on the streets and all the other bullshit he’d been through.
He lit the old device and brought it down to his arm, wincing as the heat hit his cold skin.
“O-one…t-two…three…f-four…five”
He pulled the flame away from that spot and put it back, holding it for another five seconds again and again and again. His breath hitched with each mark and he sobbed silently throughout the whole process, just like he always did.
No matter how many times Hugo would burn or cut himself it never seemed to hurt any less. He felt a crawling sensation on his other arm and up to his shoulder and looked over to see his beloved robotic mouse, Olivia.
“H-hi Liv…”
She squeaked with concern and looked down to the lighter in Hugos hand, the burns were red and some of them were bleeding slightly (Hugo held the lighter there too long) and she quickly scurried down and snatched the lighter from his fingers.
“Hey!!! Give that back I'm not done with it!!!” He tried to grab the lighter from Oliva with his bad hand and cried out in pain doing so. He clutched his arm as the burns throbbed in pain bringing fresh tears to his eyes. Olivia saw her owner's distress and crawled up his (good) arm again nuzzling against his cheek trying to give him some comfort. He reluctantly leaned into her touch, softly hugging her with his hand.
“E-everything just hurts so much Liv…I-i don't know what to do anymore…”
He sobbed harder and hugged his knees up to his chest as Olivia did her best to try and comfort her hurting owner, she scurried over to his bag and grabbed some water which she poured over his burns making flinch in surprise and pain.
“O-oh, um thanks girl”
He grabbed some bandages and started wrapping his wrist, wincing slightly at the process, Oliva looked at him worry in her small, glowing eyes and Hugo gave her a weak, reassuring smile.
“I'm fine Liv, don't worry about ok”
She gave him a knowing look, pointing at his arms as if saying really dude. Hugo smiled and pulled his sleeves back down over the fresh marks.
“Just drop it ok, you know how it goes…I’ll be fine”
With that Hugo set his glasses down lying on his side with the good arm and softly cried to himself for the millionth time in his life.
Olivia looked at her creator's tear streaked cheeks, messed up hair and bandaged wrists. This had been going on for far too long and she had to do something about it.
Every time Hugo hurt himself he would go a little father, cut a little deeper and soon…he would go off the deep end.
She had to do something.
Hugo sighed and wiped his eyes, smiling slightly.
“Nurus right, I'm just a selfish, arrogant little brat. But she dosn’t have to tell me twice how fucking worthless I am…”
A pained sob cut his sentence in half and Oliva crawled up next to him trying to provide comfort.
“I already know..”
A fanart I made for a fic I wrote
Heres a link to the fic, if anyone likes the art let me know and I'll make one for the second part of the fic!!!<3<3<3
Ocean Eyes
Wumptober Day One- panic attack/secret reveled
This wasn’t happening, this couldn’t be happening. His heart couldn't seem to choose between running a million miles per hour or just stopping completely.
“You didn’t really think he was on your side did you?”
“H-Hugo?”
“Varian I-”
He couldn’t breathe, air was refusing to go into his lungs as some invisible hands seemed to wrap around his throat and everything was going to hell.
This was all his fucking fault, God why did he have to be so fucking stupid.
“Tell me she’s lying”
He stayed silent, staring down at the ground shamefully flinching as Donella placed a cold hand on his shoulder and smiled all while smiling like a wicked witch, anything to avoid Varians eyes.
“Tell me she’s lying!!!”
“I- I’m sorry…”
Invisible pins and needles stabbed him from all around as less and less air entered his lungs from the raw and terrible pain in his heart.
Sorry wasn’t enough, nothing could take back the horrible awful things he’d done.
He was a traitor.
He forced himself to look up, and regretted it immediately.
Varian’s beautiful blue eyes that Hugo had grown to love so much were filled with tears and broken with anger and betrayal. His smile, a scowl holding back a flurry of pained and angry words.
“How could you!!! How could you do this- I guess I’m just an idiot then, aren't I?!”
Tears started flowing down his own face as he felt his heart breaking and his world ending.
“I’ve been betrayed before… but I guess I just thought you’d be different, I thought I could let myself love you…”
“Varian, please I-”
“My mistake”
His eyes were what got to him. Varian’s beautiful, ocean eyes that had no right to make Hugo feel so many wonderful things after he’d worked so hard his whole life to shut those kinds of feelings out.
Donella had given him one job, don’t get attached, and he’d failed.
He’d failed his mom and now he was failing the person he loved most in the entire world.
Varian started running towards the open, glowing portal to the library and Donella ran to stop him.
He stuck out his hand, trying to follow but Nuru and Yong pushed him to the ground with a scowl as they called out for Varian to stop.
Yong’s little face was wet with tears as well as Nuru’s but she just chose to glare at him angrily for a second before running off to help her real friend.
She deserved to feel angry, he was angry too.
They pounded on the portal door, trying to get in, but it was locked… Varian was stuck. Donella was yelling at him and Cryus to do something but he didn’t care, she was probably gonna fire him after this for trying to betray her anyway. All that mattered was Varian… This is all your fault… who knows what is going to happen to Varian in there and it’s all your fault!!!
He didn’t know if it was Nuru or Yong or maybe even himself yelling those words, he just knew they were true… everything was his fault…
An eternity of a few seconds passed and everything was chaos of everyone trying to get in and see what was happening to Varian.
His pounds on the door got weaker and weaker as the despair in his heart got heavier, he was gonna lose him…
“Varian please!!! I love you…”
The door opened, as if it had heard his plea but what came out was worse than anything he could have ever imagined.
Varian floating in the library, ocean eyes that now glowed like ice.
“Hello again Donnie, let’s finish this once and for all”
(fic was inspired by this animatic)
Whumptober Day Two: You try and backstab me?! (I'll just have to stab you first)
Varian had had all sorts of crazy dreams over the years.
From fever dreams to crazy nightmares- oh, and that one time where the creepy ghost girl (that just so happened to be a crazy demon of Zahn Tiri) snuck into his dreams and told him the secret for the final incantation and gave him slight phasmophobia.
But none of these could compare to the dream he’d had last night.
The room seemed to go on forever in all directions, bookshelves that looked like they were reaching for the heavens and tables covered in beakers, open books and papers with scribbled notes scattered around the room.
“Where am I?”
“Varian!” He turned around and saw a woman standing in the center of the room, (or…maybe he was in a library?) Her fiery red hair was barely contained to the top of her head in a messy bun, her teal dress rumpled like she hadn’t changed in a hot minute… she looked familiar, but from where?
She cupped his cheeks in her hands “Oh my son, you're as beautiful as the day I lost you…”
Wait, son?!
“I wish I had the time to tell you everything sweetie, but this spell isn’t going to last much longer and I have to warn you of this” she started pacing around the room, snatching books and papers in a frenzy.
“Wait M-mom, if you could have talked to me- talked to Dad all this time… why did you wait ‘till just now?!”
He followed her, thinking she would stop and look at him for a second (Y’know, considering this was their first time meeting in 18 fucking years!) but she just kept grabbing and tossing random books and papers frantically.
“I’ve only just harnessed enough power for this, the Library is really doing everything it can to keep me- all of me- trapped in this hell… but that doesn't matter right now”
“S-so what did you mean, a warning? What are you warning me about?!” She turned to face him, eyes wild and frantic with the jumble of papers slipping from her arms and to the ground “
Hugo isn’t who you think he is. You can’t trust him Varian, don’t let yourself get hurt again”
He woke up in cold sweat, fear and shock trembling through his bones.
What the hell was that… Did… did he just meet his mother? Like, for the first time, and was the only thing she bothered to say was “Hi child I haven't seen in almost 20 years, your best friend/ kinda crush isn't who you think he is!”
Isn’t who you think he is…
Isn’t who you think he is…
Isn’t who you think he is…
The words kept ringing in his ear, embedding themselves into his mind. Did this mean… was Hugo going to betray him?
No no, that would never happen! Hugo was his friend- his best friend, he wouldn't…
You’ve been betrayed by friends before… who’s to say it couldn’t happen again…
No. This was what happened with Cass, she let herself be manipulated without any actual proof and it all went to shit. His friend wouldn’t do that to him, Hugo wouldn’t do that to him.
Besides, how could he know that was actually a vision of his mom? The weird dream was probably just a side effect of the new sleep tonic he’d taken earlier.
He was a scientist, and scientists couldn’t make any conclusions without having solid evidence. He was just gonna go back to sleep (AKA go work in the lab until dawn) and move on with his life in the morning, he just needed to ignore it.
Just ignore it.
Turns out “just ignoring it” wouldn’t work. The weird dreams, well they weren't just a one time thing. They came almost every night, changing a bit each time with what he and his mom would talk about but always ending with the same terrible terrible sentence “Hugo isn’t who you think he is… he will betray you!”
And yes, he tried just not sleeping to avoid the dream but he’d either crash and burn the next night from exhaustion (and drain his coffee supply during the day) or Nuru would make sure he went to bed.
Hugo had also started acting more and more secretive after each trial, he knew he was hiding something. And he didn’t want to believe what it was…
With each new dream and the day they would finally enter the Library creeping closer, it was growing painfully obvious that his mom might be telling the truth.
He sighed, pushing the thought aside as his head hit the pillow. He had to get some rest for when they opened the gates tomorrow… and after all, why loom over the thought when his dreams would just do it for him.
The room was messy and slightly dark- like usual- and his mother was sitting his her favorite chair on the far side of the room, next to one of the many crowded bookshelves and a fireplace.
She was looming over a book, reading furiously and constantly pushing back strands of her red hair that had escaped her bun.
She didn’t seem to notice Varian was here and was just mumbling some gibberish under her breath and she scribbled down notes so he went and gave her a light tap on the shoulder, she flinched but soon smiled when she saw his face.
“Oh Varian! How are you pumpkin?” After many times of doing the spell that let her into his dream, Ulla sometimes couldn’t tell the difference between this and the real world.
“Hi mom, we finally completed the trails and are opening the gates to the Library tomorrow” Her face lit up and she slammed the book she was writing in closed.
“That’s wonderful!” she held his face in her hand, an action Varian had grown very fond of over their visits. “I can’t wait to finally see you- really, see you- again… and, Hugo?”
“How many times do I have to tell you Mom! He’s not going to betray me!”
He couldn’t decide whether he was saying that for her to believe it… or for himself…
For her… definitely for her…
She sighed sadly and her eyes said she was pondering what to say next “I really hoped I wouldn't have to show you this… but you’ve left me no choice”
Before he could ask what his mind started flowing with visions
A young Hugo…stealing for Donella and saluting for her…
Hugo taking the fire totem and handing it over to Donella…
Hugo joined their team once Donella ordered him to…
Hugo, copying each and every one of his notes and hanging them over to Donella
Hugo sneaking away from camp to report to Donella
Hugo…
Hugo…
Hugo…
He awoke in cold sweat… but this time instead of fear, he felt only anger.
How could Hugo do this! This must be why Donella always seemed to know their next move, why she was always to step ahead no matter what Varian did! All because of Hugo…
I told you…
“What do I do now Mom?”
Get him first!
A dagger that he didn’t remember leaving on his windowsill gleamed in the moonlight and without thinking, he grabbed it and ran.
Hugo’s room was empty, nothing there but the small sleeping figure of Olivia.
The woods, go to the woods!
Running through the dark woods he felt an evil and strange sence of anger surge through him, it didn’t even seem human, he’d never felt anger like this- not even when his father got trapped in the amber.
But it didn’t matter, all that mattered was revenge…
He found Hugo leaning on a tree, and his blonde friend traitor jumped when he saw Varian, clearly not expecting anyone else to be there at two in the morning.
No one but your boss, you lying rat!
“Goggles, what the hell are you doing out here so late- well more like so early I guess”
“I could ask you the same thing Beanpole” A nervous look flashed across Hugo’s face but it was quickly masked by his usual casual demeanor.
“Well I-”
“Don’t even try and hide it, he- I know everything”
“He- what are you talking about Var? And what is going on with your eyes?” Varian’s leg flew towards Hugo’s stomach, knocking him to his knees with several choughs.
“What the fuck!”
“You’re working for Donella, you were going to betray him!”
Hugo’s face went white, how did he know… and what was going on with his voice, and his eyes. His eyes seemed to be glowing.
“My son has been hurt by people like you for far too long… I won’t let Donnie win again”
Donnie? As far as he knew only one person had ever had the guts to call his boss by that name…Varian, who wasn’t acting like Varian, pulled out a dagger and used it to point Hugo’s chin up to face him.
His eyes were definitely glowing with an evil electric blue that were not the eyes Hugo had grown to love…
“It’s a shame though… my pumpkin did really love you, but after this it won’t matter. We’ll be together again, I’ll finally be there to protect him from traitors like you”
He felt the knife pierce through his scream and a sharp cry ripped through his street. Blood was staining his clothes and pain was radiating through his body.
He crumpled to the ground begging for Varian to snap out of it, to help him! But his love only grinned evilly and wiped the dagger with his cloth.
“Oh and if my Donnie finds you still alive, say hi for me, won’t you…”
Violently love this song. I think it goes with Nuru very well.