Dib Slander - Tumblr Posts
Honest truth, with every episode of this messed up show I finish rewatching I’m more are more sure that Dib is just as incompetent and short-sighted when it comes to his “mission” as Zim is. But it’s so funny to me that while Zim just makes bad plans, has awful priorities, and improvises a lot by the seat of his pants, Dib’s incompetent in the classical bumbling villain sense. Like, he’s doing the right thing, he generally has clever approaches and insights, makes full use of his resources, yet,
He’s still aesthetically and narratively such an antihero, the poor dweeb.
Observe, my magnificent Venn diagram
Only thing I didn’t want to tack on that because it bears worth of some more elaboration: Both of these two are horrible about recklessly arming their nemesis with tons of free information and striking opportunity that can only be used against them.
And Dib is worse at this, like, so… so much worse. Zim will do the classic ‘Muahahaha, now that I have you right where I want you, here’s a detailed presentation of my entire insidious plan, Batman!’ routine while at least having the class to wait until the hero is being lowered over the acid vat or tied to the train tracks. Dib, as a villain? Would start reciting that same speech while in the middle of trying to kidnap the hero, about 3 and a half steps way too early. It’s actually crazy how fast he will telegraph his next move even when he’s not in a position of having a real advantage yet.
The first time the two met and Dib stood there loudly showing himself as the most perceptive and hostile human in range? And then stood there explaining alien sleep cuffs and what he was going to do with them? And then stood there declaring war and that he’d identified Zim’s base location, swinging said cuffs around in front of the gnome brigade? Granted, he wasn’t aware of Zim’s security at the time, but the essence of that sequence was a pattern that he was more than happy to keep repeating for the next couple seasons.
Also, Zim’s brutalism, while it went to some shudder inducing places, is more expected from a genocidal maniac born from a race of colonial supremacists. It’s part of his theatrics and it’s fun for him in the same way it’s fun for his leaders to blow up innocent ice cream space-trucks and unlucky planets. Dib gets mean with their face offs in a way that’s just dripping with spite. All the time spite. Trivial, personal, petulant spite. Even more than Tak and her grudge, which, should be a lot more surprising to me. But it’s really not.
What it did do instead was remind me of a very interesting quote I once heard, from a Cracked video about online gaming behavior, of all places,
*Refuses to Elaborate*
I’m totally playing Devil’s Advocate for Gaz here but every time you think she’s being an absolute demon to her brother and it’s uncalled for, recall the full extent of Dib’s most insufferable and jerkass behaviors, and imagine being under the same roof as that guy every day. Sharing a fridge and pantry with that. Sharing a common living space with that after you’ve already spent a school day with it. You’re like, 11 and just want to play video games and do normal childhood stuff, and you live with Dib Motherfucking Membrane.
Yeah yeah, he got what he deserved for the Pork Taster thing, but I’m pissed off on sis’s behalf just watching how often the dude straight up shows negative amounts of consideration when it comes to someone else’s food. What the hell.
Use me as a guinea pig for dark magical arts and curses? Well, nobody’s perfect bro. We all make mistakes.
Drink the last soda unnotified like that? Fucking yoink my pizza slice out of my own hand??? You are catching some freaking hands you audacious little twerp.
what the hell is his problem!!
Understandable and justified reaction from her here ngl
I’m totally playing Devil’s Advocate for Gaz here but every time you think she’s being an absolute demon to her brother and it’s uncalled for, recall the full extent of Dib’s most insufferable and jerkass behaviors, and imagine being under the same roof as that guy every day. Sharing a fridge and pantry with that. Sharing a common living space with that after you’ve already spent a school day with it. You’re like, 11 and just want to play video games and do normal childhood stuff, and you live with Dib Motherfucking Membrane.
Yeah yeah, he got what he deserved for the Pork Taster thing, but I’m pissed off on sis’s behalf just watching how often the dude straight up shows negative amounts of consideration when it comes to someone else’s food. What the hell.
Use me as a guinea pig for dark magical arts and curses? Well, nobody’s perfect bro. We all make mistakes.
Drink the last soda unnotified like that? Fucking yoink my pizza slice out of my own hand??? You are catching some freaking hands you audacious little twerp.
I almost forgot my absolute favorite: the way that this specific grown man was psychologically and physically marred for life.
A small comp I like to call 'dib what the actual fuck'
You know….narratively speaking, these are all the same character
But idk if y’all ready for that conversation
Comic main Dib: Pretty much the same as Florpus
Zib The Ultimate Dib: There is an important distinction that must be drawn between the words “dissection” and “vivisection”. A distinction that would appear to be lost on this guy.
The difference between pilot, series and movie Dibs is just the amount of time they would hesitate before dissecting Zim (and would they hesitate at all)
I mean obviously not just that but you know what I mean
- He’s happy because of the camera in his hand, having free reign to explore the upper level of Zim’s base, and being on video chatting his actual leaders. I’d be over the moon if I were him too, considering how hard he works to just get to Zim’s front door most of the time.
- Having no idea who or WHAT Dib even is, I’d also be curious in the Tallests’ position. I mean, Zim’s refreshingly absent and this weird, large-headed, simian thing obviously infiltrated the base. They probably wanted to see through where this was chaos was going on a bored whim. Not like they have anything more entertaining/important to do. My guess is they were hoping something terrible happened and Dib won, since the moment they lost interest was when Zim‘s return home was confirmed.
What I love most about the entire thing though (funniest joke in the episode IMO) was Dib’s part in the actual call. Dude finally gets a chance to speak directly with the supposed masterminds behind the invasion, this huge powerful threat from beyond the stars, the puppet masters who give his greatest most evil enemy his marching orders, and he handles it like this.
Red and Purple’s POV:
sorry like i cannot get ofur the fact that dib and the tallest just hung out on call fur like a whole week.
like what the fuck are mew four doing. why are mew so happy dib. mewre nefur that happy. and the tallest are just putting up with this they try to get zim off the phone as quickly as pawssibly but this fucking fureak and the defective sir unit? oh nyeah keep calling that thang fur a week straight thats fine. ok. like how am i supposed to interpurret this ofur than "at worst the tallest tolerate dib more than zim"
who does this. who allowed this. is he some sort of jesterboy to them. i understand. hes so silly. what a fureak
8 times Dib Membrane really needed to STFU
As in a non-conclusive handful of moments where Dib made his life immensely, impressively more difficult with nothing other than his own words
8. “Alien sleep cuffs, guaranteed to render all alien life forms unconscious.”
7. “Oh, come on! You're not mad about that whole 'leaving you to rot' thing, are you?
6. “You know Zim, when the nurse examines you, she'll notice that you don't have human organs. Then it's just a short step to a hospital and from there to an alien autopsy table and then you're just another segment on ‘Mysterious Mysteries’!”
5. “Look! It's me you want! I cast the spell on her because I wanted to see what it would do before trying it on myself!”
4. (-_ -)
3. (WHEN WILL HE LEARN)
2. (Whatever off-screen conversation took place in the movie where Zim learned the full potential of Membracelets)
1. “What about lungs?”
LITERALLY THIS IS WHAT I WILL SCREAM ABOUT THOUGH LIKE “STOP ENABLING/ENCOURAGING HIM”
Dib is so insecure about whether he’s good at being Earth’s hero and he’s more perceptive than about 99% of the Earth’s population but dear god he has this huge introspective blind spot for how self-inflicted his biggest bugbears are.
Bro was this close to giving a world domination roadmap suggestion to him in the comics.
Dib is explicitly necessary for Zim to even continue his invasion attempts. A ton of Zim’s most destructive inventions were the direct result of Dib antagonizing him and literally escalating petty squabbles into a full on challenge. Dib thinks he’s Batman vs the joker when some days it’s more like the joker and the riddler getting into a slap fight and the entire city around them serving as environmental collateral. He knows (or should know) that Zim is basically an unhinged enemy combatant, has barely any self restraint when it comes to his temper, and can build universe-breaking technology… and he still thinks it’s somehow a good idea to taunt & prank him with middle school bully antics for no other purpose than to really piss him off. Or worse, naively assuming somehow that personal slights roll of Zim as easily as they do him.
Like Dib, Dib…. that’s a guy with a kill count. Who genuinely thinks he’s fighting for his life, honor, and purpose in a strange world he perceives as his personal warzone. You think an Irken of his caliber was programmed/trained to not grudge over audacity from the lesser kinds, to let such insolence from the likes of you go ignored? That he’s not going to be opportunistic for any more excuses to flaunt how easily he could waste you in an instant if he ever gets through going about this the fun way instead of the practical way? He’s like a small dog running around with a Roman candle in its mouth: A competent soldier? Not remotely. Hilariously entertaining? Sure. But, extremely dangerous to everyone and everything around it nonetheless? You bet your ass. Dib’s a firefighter that for whatever reason can’t freaking resist playing with fireworks, though.
8 times Dib Membrane really needed to STFU
As in a non-conclusive handful of moments where Dib made his life immensely, impressively more difficult with nothing other than his own words
8. “Alien sleep cuffs, guaranteed to render all alien life forms unconscious.”
7. “Oh, come on! You're not mad about that whole 'leaving you to rot' thing, are you?
6. “You know Zim, when the nurse examines you, she'll notice that you don't have human organs. Then it's just a short step to a hospital and from there to an alien autopsy table and then you're just another segment on ‘Mysterious Mysteries’!”
5. “Look! It's me you want! I cast the spell on her because I wanted to see what it would do before trying it on myself!”
4. (-_ -)
3. (WHEN WILL HE LEARN)
2. (Whatever off-screen conversation took place in the movie where Zim learned the full potential of Membracelets)
1. “What about lungs?”
Hysterical that Dib takes this whole “Earth’s Savior”, Men in Black, alien-fighting larp he’s got going on against Zim so seriously, and then the very second he had the guy’s actual leaders on a video call, it took one insult to turn him back into an average 12 year old threatening to swat someone over an online game match.
Remember this, from “The Nightmare Begins?”
Zim’s constantly the butt of the show’s humor for being such a bad and unsubtle invader but honest to god as if Dib could do much better in his position if this is what first contact with the enemy rulers looks like. At least the Resisty tried.
Like I know I’ve made this exact joke before but it’s forever so fucking funny to me picturing Red and Purple bracing themselves for another one of Zim’s “reports” and getting this instead
Like all else aside wtf would Dib even do if he knew Irk’s location? Fly his dumbass out to the homeworld and make like he’s the Goblinslayer? Send spy probes out to somewhere that took a Voot Cruiser 6 months just to travel to Earth from? Buddy you didn’t even have the Tak Ship working out at this point yet why are you like this hfhfhhfhf??? Kid’s such a mess someone come get him
So can we like talk about the way Dib answered his front door in “Planet Jackers” because it activated my fight or flight response
Lil’ creep
“Iggins was the main villain of Game Slave 2”
❌WRONG❌
It was THIS guy, actually
Reflecting on Dibship Rising and Tak’s Spittlerunner in general
