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Though I'm weak and beaten down / I'll slip away into the sound / The ghost of you is close to me / I'm inside out, you're underneath

chapter two - goner

A/N ; Hello~! I hope you enjoyed death bed so far! I have a lot planned but the first few chapters are focused on building up a foundation between you and Dabi, and establishing your feelings respectively. This chapter takes place a few weeks later, and over that time you've ignited the flame of friendship. This is the last of the short chapters, so future ones will be uh...long.

Warnings ; swearing, smoking, slut-shaming, toxic relationships, domestic abuse mention

Words ; 2k

That wasn’t the only time you found yourself outside chatting with Dabi over a pack of cigarettes. It slowly became a routine. On the nights Hana was over, you’d smoke with him once she left; and on the nights he was alone, you’d have a cigarette before bed.

Tonight, Dabi was seated in a beaten-up lounge chair, his long legs stretched out so far you had to step over them. He looked relaxed, but you could see the visible tension in his shoulders.

“You doin’ alright, handsome?” You asked, taking the seat next to his but turned to face him. He eyed you without moving his head, exhaustion causing his already heavily lidded eyes to look even narrower. He sighed.

“It’s none of your business.”

“Hmm. You’re not wrong. But I’m curious about what’s eatin’ you.” You offered him a menthol, he declined, but grinned playfully.

“If you can guess what it is, Doll, I’ll tell you a secret.”

This was a game you sometimes played. It was an easy way to get the other to open about whatever was troubling you, offering information for information. The secrets were always harmless, and you couldn’t really consider them secrets. Things like your favorite color, your sexual preferences, the food you liked were among things shared.

Through this method you learned that he hated fish, got carsick easily, that his birthday was January 18, and that his flames weren’t always blue. You also learned more about his relationship with Hana.

They met by chance in a nightclub, fucked in the bathroom, got high together, and started seeing each other regularly for hookups. One thing led to another and she asked him to be exclusive. He decided to go along with it because of some reason he didn’t mention, and now things are the way they are.

“Please, it’s an easy guess. It’s Hana, right?” you leaned forward, resting your elbow on your knee and your head in your hand.

His grin dropped and he stared at the dark sky above. “Yeah.”

You got the feeling it was rather serious this time. Over the last few weeks, you’d spent more time with Dabi, so you felt compelled to pry a little further.

“What happened?”

He lulled over to look at you, drawing his arm up to rest behind his head. He looked exhausted now that you could see his face clearly. There was a small cut on his cheek with a stream of dried blood, and the closer you looked the more it seemed he’d been in a fight. You didn’t want to make assumptions.

“Tch. She’s pissed at me,” his gaze held yours, debating on weather or not to divulge into the private matters of their row. You waited patiently for him to continue. “She noticed I was smoking more or whatever, and I told her about us hanging out. She got pissed and jumped me. Crazy bitch has some sharp ass nails.” He traced the cut with his other hand when he said that.

“She got pissed at you for hanging out with me?” you asked incredulously.

“Hah. Yeah. She’s possessive.” He still watched you, gauging your reaction.

“That’s fucked up. What did she say?”

“She said that if I didn’t cut the shit, she’d leave me. She says that all the time, though. She threw some nasty names around. Called you a slut, called me a bastard…”

“What aren’t you telling me? What else did she say, Dabi?” You could tell there was more weighing on him and you wanted him to feel like he could trust you. Something flickered in his eyes when you used his villain name as opposed to the pet names you usually called him.

He let out a low hiss, a slight sigh masked in a chuckle. “You really want to know, Doll?”

You nodded. You had the feeling that it was bad considering his reservations. He looked away from you now. He didn’t want to see your reaction to his next words; afraid you’d somehow feel the same way Hana did.

“She said I was disgusting and that I should be grateful to her for fucking me. She told me that I’d never find someone else because of the way I look, so I should be satisfied with her.” He traced the line of staples on his cheeks idly while he spilled, “Hah. You know, I think she’s right. It’s a miracle a girl like her would go for someone like me, anyway. Who’d want to kiss this gross mouth?”

It wasn’t a question, but you felt anger and heat rising in your chest, and you were compelled to answer. “What the fuck? I would kiss you! You’re not disgusting, are you kidding? You’re like, the sexiest man I’ve met. She should consider herself the lucky one for getting to fuck you! I know I would be so grateful!” You huffed, and then realized you’d said too much. Clasping your hand over your mouth you turned quickly away from him, too embarrassed to look him in the eye.

Dabi stared at you, eyes wide, lips parted slightly. His heart thrummed in his chest at your words, and he saw your blush despite the darkness. He was fighting a losing battle with his impulse control, because in this moment all he wanted to do was pull you in and kiss you. To enjoy the feeling of someone who might like him for once. To know what it might feel like to be passionate and intimate with someone; something more than just sex. The thing he knew he was missing but tried to ignore anyway.

You shuddered as he breathed your name softly, his voice low and gravelly. You felt a warm presence behind you, and you knew he’d move to sit with you on your chair. This only caused your blush to deepen; you knew you went too far. You said too much, betrayed too much.

It was hard not to like him. You’d spent weeks getting to know him, chatting with him and even confiding in each other occasionally. He was easy to get along with, something the others were surprised by, and your talks on the veranda became the highlight of your day. His day, too, though he’d never tell you that.

But you knew better, also. He was committed to Hana, despite how awful their relationship seemed. He’d stayed with her for a reason, right? Dabi wasn’t one to take just anybody’s shit without cause.

“Do you mean that?” He said at last, watching you carefully. You peeled your hands away to look at him, he deserved to see the conviction in your face when you confirmed it. You did not expect him to break out in a wide, toothy grin.

“Damn, baby girl. You’re blushing pretty hard. Thinking about kissing me?” he teased. It was easy to act confident and cocky, though it was a mask to hide the crippling self-hatred he had.

“Sh-shut up,” you punched his knee lightly in jest which earned a chuckle. “You can’t blame me, Dabi. I think you’re incredibly attractive, of course I want to kiss you.”

His eyes glimmered with an emotion you couldn’t place. He was still watching you carefully, daring you to confess to him. Daring you to give him a reason to make a move on you, so he could be rid of Hana once and for all. He’d take the blame, the beating, the crazed rage he knows would come, if he could be with you.

His gaze flicked down to your lips and you swallowed thickly. Was he thinking about kissing you, now?

“And about fucking me?” He grinned again, egging you on and laughing in earnest when your face darkened once more.

“Okay, that’s enough!” You stood suddenly. Your heart thrumming wildly in your chest as you drew your arms around yourself to quell the trembling. Gods what was he doing? Why’d he have to tease you like this?

“Come on, Doll. I’m just messing with you. I’ve never seen you so flustered, it’s a good look on you.” He mused, standing as well. He wanted so badly to reach out to you and draw you to his chest and kiss you. He wanted to see how red your face would get as he kissed down your body; he wanted to hear the sounds you’d make when he touched you…

“You’re killing me, hot stuff. You shouldn’t say those things, you have a girlfriend.” You reminded him. He scoffed behind you, and you felt his hands press gently into your arms, urging you to step back into him. You did on instinct, relishing in the warmth of his body as your back pressed against his chest and his arms snaked around your shoulders. His hair tickled your skin as he lowered his forehead into your neck.

“Fuck Hana.” He mumbled.

You closed your eyes, placing a gentle hand on his arm. You should pull away. You shouldn’t let him embrace you like this. But it felt so damn good to be close to someone, almost intimate with him. You searched for anything to cut the tension with; anything to calm your beating heart.

“You still owe me a secret,” you breathed. Your voice came out much quieter than you’d meant, and you felt him smile against your skin. He pulled you tighter into him, his lips grazing your earlobe sent shivers down your spine.

“If you were mine, I’d take such good care of you, baby girl. I’d give you all the kisses you could want, I’d make you feel so good you’d beg for me. You wouldn’t know what to do with yourself.” He all but growled into your ear and you found yourself getting lost in his words. Getting lost in the fantasy of being his.

Fuck, Hana. “Don’t make promises you can’t keep, Dabi.” You pulled away from him and turned to face him “It’s a nice thought, but you can’t do anything with me unless you break it off with her. You’re a lot of things, handsome, but you’re not a cheater. I won’t let you be.”

He felt conflicted by this. You cared about him as a person, about his morals enough to deny yourself his offer. If you really wanted him, shouldn’t you be falling into his arms willingly? That’s what Hana did. But she’s the reason you turned him down.

He cursed himself.

He couldn’t leave Hana. Not yet.

“You know, Dabi. I really meant what I said. I think you’re handsome, I want to kiss you, I want to…erm… ahem. I want to, but I’m not going to let you do that to her. Even if I fucking hate her, she doesn’t deserve to be two-timed. And I’d hope I would mean more to you than just being your side chick. Sorry, hot stuff. Today’s not the day.”

You left at that, and he loved to watch you go. Your words made him happy, but they stung just as well. Today isn’t the day. He kicked himself for trying to make a move so early on in your friendship, too. He didn’t deny himself the thought of you being irresistible; he enjoyed your company, and you were nice to look at.

But did you mean more to him than just a side chick? The way you’d phrased it didn’t sit well with him. You did, didn’t you? If that were the case, then he should break up with Hana so you’d be with him. He couldn’t do that to her, though. Not after everything.

He didn’t want to sacrifice his time with you, either. Even if it were just platonic, he felt like you were the first person he could talk to easily and that meant more to him than just a kiss or just sex. Hana would have to get over herself because this was the first time in his life he’d felt such a connection with someone and he wasn’t about to throw it away.

He traced the cut on his cheek again. Not today. But maybe someday.

th͟e 𝗏𝗂𝗅𝗅𝖺𝗂𝗇 𝗐𝖺𝗌 𝗍𝗁𝖾𝗋𝖾, 𝒊𝗇 𝗁𝖾𝗅𝗅

𝗎𝗋ㅤㅤㅤ𝗆𝖺ㅤㅤㅤコーㅤㅤㅤ𝗏𝗂𝖾