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Synastry aspects and composite placements I had with someone that caused me weird emotional pain

Mars conjunct Pluto

I was the mars in this situation and this aspect is just a random thing to experience. It was the craving for just being near them. I would be bored for a while then I would see them walk in and I felt so fucking relieved. It’s one of those things I wouldn’t describe as a crush because crushes in my opinion have a different energy to them. Crushes are more like feeling giddy or wanting to hug or hold their hand yada yada. This was more of a feeling of yearning or not possesive but maybe idk tho. I wouldn’t touch them because I felt any physical touch from them would change my whole being. Yet that wasn’t to say that I didn’t want to hug or anything like that but more like I didn’t want to start something if I couldn’t act out whatever my body wanted. Idk if they felt the same way about me but even then I wasn’t going to allow myself to do something because I knew logically that me and them weren’t meant to be anything more than friends at most. At least at that time maybe never I can’t say for sure.

Their Eros in my first house

Now when I read up for eros in the first house synastry I was flabbergasted. You could basically sum it up as you will be attracted to this person and your body will let you know…For example we were listening to music like sharing earbuds and bruh. Explain to me why one song played and my body reacted…I had to hold down so many thoughts and stuff them into a box because oof. Let’s just say the sexual attraction was strong sometimes.

Their sun and mars in my fourth house (ic)

Now if you read up on my placements you would know that I am a leo rising so that makes my IC in scorpio. So imagine the house known for family, your private life that you share with your friends and family I think, and to some extent childhood. And my ic is in the sign of Scorpio. Which is fun

Composite Moon and Mars in Scorpio

You know how sometimes you read astrology post and you think hmm that’s funny because I kinda relate to that. Imagine really relating with a post but it’s a compsoite chart sitch. I would say you should read up on scorpio moon and mars in composite but I will leave that up to you. It is an interesting read. Let me keep this simple…sexual tension and repressed feelings. Now when you combine that with a capricorn venus somehow you become the main character in a period drama romance. Fun to watch but fucking intense to live through. I have a love-hate relationship with these intense feelings, because I am used to having all or nothing emotions so I am used to the intensity of these emotions that these placements evoke. However I can understand why people wouldn’t like to have these placements.

Anyways that will be all for now. Sorry for not really posting too much lately.

It's frighteningly true

Lilith In Astrology

There are 4 Liliths in Astrology but to avoid confusion we’ll only use Mean & Waldemath here. Mean Lilith is the point where the moon’s farthest away from Earth. Waldemath Lilith is a misty cloud observed on rare occasions. In the natal chart Lilith’s the shadow in us that’s farthest from morality & social restrictions.

Lilith in Aries/ in 1st house/ Conjunct Mars: My shadow side is violence, rage, selfishness. If you were to strip away all my layers I would be only an animal, man’s first form, primal & savage. I do not care about others’ needs, I run only on instinct: survive, satisfy my desires, even if it means I have to bathe in others’ blood.

Lilith in Taurus/ in 2nd House/ Conjunct Venus: My shadow side is greed, lust, gluttony. In the shadow of my heart lies a terrible hunger, I wish to have it all to myself, to drown in riches. I wish to feast until I couldn’t anymore, then continue to do so, simply because I’m greedy for more more more. I don’t ever need to lift a finger, others will do it for me. 

Lilith in Gemini/ in 3rd House/ Conjunct Mercury: My shadow side is cunningness, trickery, madness. I can play the part of the naive child, with big innocent eyes staring at you for an answer, I can be the charming salesman convincing you that you need to buy my lies, I can be the persuasive politician robbing you with your own permission. Any mask that will get me what I desire is like a second skin to me. Never think I am foolish only because I appear that way, I see through you.

Lilith in Cancer/ in 4th House/ Conjunct Moon: My shadow side is abandonment issues, possessiveness, stagnation. The past still follows me wherever I go, it slips into my nightmares, it keeps me from giving myself completely to another person. I’ve been abandoned, abused, robbed of my purity, I can never uproot those memories out of my mind. There’s a voice in me that screams let me out, let me be innocent, let me have my childhood back, but I can’t reverse time.

Lilith in Leo/ in 5th House/ Conjunct Sun: My shadow side is pride, vulgarity, vanity. In my darkest fantasies I sit on a throne of gold, bright and alone, shining like a beacon. I am godlike, made to rule & lead. I build my throne on those refusing to bow at my feet. No shade is dark enough to cover me, no one is vibrant enough to stand by me, I am the sun. 

Lilith in Virgo/ in 6th House/ Conjunct Mercury: My shadow side is anxiety, shame, perfectionism. Memories of humiliation flood my mind each time I try to connect with another being, I feel ashamed of my body and keep my sexuality hidden and under lock. I am my own ruination, sometimes I wish to tear my skin apart. My worst fear is someone seeing me the way that I see myself. 

Lilith in Libra/ in 7th House/ Conjunct Venus: My shadow side is codependency, uncertainty, gulibility. I see my worst desires reflected in the eyes of lovers and friends, I will never admit I bask in the limelight and glory that others’ attention give me. My own diluted sense of self attracts jealous and possessive partners, I wish to be adored and chased, there’s no difference between being loved and being a possession. Beauty will always be my rise and downfall. 

Lilith in Scorpio/ in 8th House/ Conjunct Pluto: My shadow side is mania, mistrust, paranoia. My heart’s black and blue from heartbreak, I know each of my demons by name. I’ve been a monster, I’ve crawled as an insect, unnoticed and stepped upon. I’ve shed my skin each night and grew a new one as the sun rose. Don’t try to come for me, I am my own worst enemy.

Lilith in Sagittarius/ in 9th House/ Conjunct Jupiter: My shadow side is dogmatism, self-righteousness, vagabondism. No man or city is strong enough to tie me down to them, I flee the moment I sense a shackle’s grip on me. I will never bow at your feet, the only ruler I’ll ever have is myself. Do not try to force your words down my throat, I will spit them out right back at you.

Lilith in Capricorn/ in 10th House/ Conjunct Saturn: My shadow side is arrogance, ruthlessness, cynicism. I would rather drown in my own blood than let a man help me. I do not need your sympathy, your words sound like white noise to me. I’ve fallen countless times, crawled, been spat on, I will see myself rise. You have no power over me. 

Lilith in Aquarius/ in 11th House/ Conjunct Uranus: My shadow side is erraticism, numbness, apathy. If you were to crack me open you’d see only a vacant space where my heart would’ve been. I offer you a helping hand to make you believe I care for you, I bare my teeth in a smile to show you I have a heart, but the light never reaches my eyes. I may try to understand your suffering but I will never be like you.

Lilith in Pisces/ in 12th House/ Conjunct Neptune: My shadow side is illusion, addiction, deception. I walk a fine line between reality & the other realm, one misstep and I’m pulled in a world from which it’s hard to crawl out of. No shout or whisper could reach me once I go there, shadows blind my vision and waves drown my hearing. I see my saviour in the irises of demons.