Bts Fic Recs - Tumblr Posts - Page 2
First Greetings
Hello! I’m Sunnyside Squirrel, but you can just call me Sunny. Sunnyside Squirrel is a mouthful. Unless you’d prefer to call me that, I don’t mind!
Anywho, I run this blog, (as you can probably tell) and in this post I’ll just be explaining what you can expect.
Some people find fics of real life people weird; I suppose it is strange, but I’ve gotten good at separating people and characters. After all, it is a figment of someone’s imagination, and I’m pretty good at keeping it that way!
So, in this blog, I’ll just mostly be recommending SKZ fics, and maybe a few BTS or NCT ones, and I’ll also take requests from people to find fics, if that makes sense. For example, if you’re just too busy to go delve into the depths of AO3, or have delved into the depths, but just haven’t found anything good, you can just send a little request for any tags, characters, ships, au’s, you know, all that, and then I’ll try to find some fics for you that you might like.
However, warning, do not, under any circumstance, request explicit fics (and by explicit, I mean that kind of explicit), as I’m uncomfortable with reading those.
But other than that, anything’s fine! (I’ll suffer through any nightmares I get from fics like the chicken I am lol)
Oh, and before I forget, groups I stan are Stray Kids, BTS, and NCT. I do want to get into more groups, but school’s being an ass, so I’m kinda busy. Anyhow, just keep in mind, I can find fics outside these 3 groups, but they might not be as good as the SKZ, BTS, and NCT ones.
Now that that’s finished, I hope you all have an amazing day! Love you!
- Sunny
✧︎ MASTERP0ST
— beomphvcs
0T7 ♡︎
— falling, & fallen (ft.jungkook)
there are millions of questions in the universe that have answers; why jungkook is acting this way isn't one of them.
or
jungkook finds himself.
KiM NAMJ00N ♡ ︎
— coming soon!
KiM SE0KJiN ♡︎
— coming soon!
MiN Y00NGi ♡︎
— coming soon!
JUNG H0SE0K ♡︎
— coming soon!
PARK JiMiN ♡︎
— coming soon!
KiM TAEHYUNG ♡︎
— coming soon!
JE0N JUNGK00K ♡︎
— falling, & fallen (ft. ot7)
there are millions of questions in the universe that have answers; why jungkook is acting this way isn't one of them.
or
jungkook finds the missing pieces of himself.
little dove | kim taehyung (m)
pairing: Taehyung x Reader. genre/warnings: smut, angst, slight gore(brief wolf fighting), mating, knotting, rough sex, marking. words: 14k. summary: The best things always show up when you least expect them.
a/n: @rbuns enjoy you dusty bitch! I love you!
“Okay, I’m gonna head back now, I’ll just tell Hoseok, thanks Jackson!” You said to him, turning on your heel and shifting into your wolf, and you heard him hum an okay behind you before he was drowned out by the noises of the forest, the sound of your paws thumping against the ground as you jogged between the trees. The sun had just set, and your patrol shift was finally over and after reinforcing territory lines all day, you were officially exhausted.
Hoseok was posted in his quarter at the north side of the area, and all you had to do was let him know you were leaving before you could head back home for a well-earned soak in the bath.
You’d just caught his scent where his patrol quarter ended, when another scent caught your attention, however; this one was unfamiliar. Instantly on edge, you slowed your light run to a trot, slowly surveying the area and keeping your eyes peeled for any indication of where the intruder could be, and you were just about to signal a call of alarm when a vicious snarl had your head whipping around, the stench now strong in your senses and the reek of a Rogue almost overbearing.
Continuar lendo
My heart shrinks in my chest as I look up onto the stage, my red thread every so loose as I see it branch off into 7 different lines, all of them linking to the 7 men dancing and singing on stage. My heart physically stops in my chest as all the air in my throat quickly escapes as if even my oxygen can’t believe my fate. My body gets set into a panic as tears trickle down my cheeks, rivers quickly form on both lakes that my eyes are turning into as my reality, my fate, my life all comes crashing down onto me. My soulmate, no, my soulmates are the seven superstars of the world. This can’t be happening to me, dear lord above I was joking all those times I wanted to be (y/n) in those BTS mafia fanfics I used to read in middle school. Please don’t make this my reality, please dont let them be my soulmates. My heart can’t take it, it just might kill me.
-----------
fic recs <3
i read a lot of fics in my downtime so i thought i’d share my favorites with you all!
a/n: will update with other members later :)
key: a - angst, f - fluff, s - smut
jungkook
oneshots
how long will we fall | soulmate au, f2l | a, f {@jiminsrings}
summary: if it’s fate, it should already be set onto your skin — that’s why jungkook’s initials are already on your finger. he’s always there for you, but not only for you. if you’re his fate, he’d rather not have it. alternatively, jungkook’s your soulmate, but he doesn’t want to be.
skirt chasers | f2l | s, f {@1kook}
summary: “baggy clothes are in, but you wouldn’t know miss i draw inspiration from catholic school girls.”
hot boy bummer | fwb au, f2l | s, f, a {@jungkxook}
summary: when jungkook offers you a proposition of just sex, no strings attached, how can you possibly say no? after all, what are best friends for?
wherever there is you | marriage au | a, f {@jeonstudios}
prompt: “you’ve been drinking tonight, haven’t you?”
no sweetness | e2l au, college au | f {@rosaetae}
summary: jungkook has a thing for pretty girls who work with tiny balls, especially the new fiery bobarista at his favorite boba shop, whom he finds absolutely adorable, but finds out later that she’s just as sweet as she made his milk tea order — not sweet.
cockblocked | roommates au, idiots to lovers | f, a, s {@mercurygguk}
summary: in which a pair of best friends are hopelessly in love with one another but they’re both too dumb to realize, even when everyone around them is dropping hints every five minutes.
this is how you fall in love | strangers to est. relationship, rockstar!jk | f, s, a {@jeonqkooks}
summary: after years of drinking and clubbing most days of the week and leaving every gig with a different girl on his arm, jungkook feels what it’s like to want someone with his entire being.
lost stars | idiots to lovers, mutual pining | a, f, s {@onherwings on ao3}
summary: falling in love with jeon jungkook was everything you’ve ever dreamed of and more, but maybe it was exactly that: a dream so blissful and comforting that it was too good to be true, something that could all disappear when the night changes to day, and your eyes open again.
series
please love me | arranged marriage au, ceo kids au | a, f, {@ahundredtimesover}
summary: as the only unmarried jeon and kim children, your families propose a union to symbolize your unbreakable bond that spans generations. but despite developing an affection for jungkook growing up, he never returned it; he never seemed to like you, actually. you’re okay with the proposal, but surprise surprise, he isn’t.
a lover’s kiss | fwb au, idiots to lovers au, college au | s, f, a {@hueseok}
summary: the line between being only friends and being a little like lovers only continue to get hazier and hazier.
mutual help | fake dating au, fwb au | s, f, a {@personasintro}
summary: in order for you to pretend to be his girlfriend, he helps you with your sexual desires ⏤ he calls it a mutual help
i’d love to stay but that’s simply insane | college au, slight e2l, (ex) childhood friends to lovers | a, f, s { @taexual }
summary: jungkook is an uncontrollable lead vocalist of the campus band, and you’re a goal-oriented top student that’s known his rich and complicated family since childhood. you don’t want anything to do with each other, until each other is exactly what you want to do.
addicted to you | e2l to established relationship, slice of life drabbles | s, f, a {@ughcore}
summary: “there’s no greater evidence of the thin line between love and hate than your relationship with jeon jeongguk.”
from home | richkid!jk, baker!reader, e2l, fake dating au | f, a, s | {@gyukult}
summary: jungkook is the youngest of five boys, the last in line to truly inherit any his parents’ money. but what if his mom suddenly cuts him off due to his current poor behavior and he’s forced to learn how it feels like to be part of the working class?
distance | drabble
a/n: im starting to write fics again so this is a practice drabble i wrote to test the y/n waters. ive never posted on tumblr before and this is all just for fun!! enjoy :)
— pairing: jungkook x (f) reader
— genre: friends to lovers, college au, angst
— snippet: as much as you hated the way he only ever seemed to contact you when he wanted something, the sentimental part of you was willingly to keep any piece - no matter how small - of friendship you two had left.
-----
“you know,” he started, glancing up at you before his gaze flickered back to the numbers on his calculator and the equations on his sheet, “you’re not very good at this.”
you tapped the eraser of your pencil against your lips, eyes squinting in an attempt to decipher the numerous symbols and digits that bombarded your computer screen. “well, you know math has never been my forté.”
he sighs, dropping his pencil onto the paper and leaning forward to push down the top of your laptop so that it hovered right above the keyboard, “very funny," he let out dryly, "but c’mon, that’s not what i’m talking about.”
you let out a groan before pushing your laptop back up to its 90 degree angle. “not to sound mean, but for the hundredth and possibly the thousandth time, i do not give a shit about your love life, jeon.” slightly offended and taken back by your bluntness, he opens his mouth to speak, but you beat him to it, “don’t you have any other friends to annoy? male friends, perhaps? i’m sure they'll know more about your situation than i do."
he rolls his eyes, leaning forward to once again push your laptop down, this time closing it completely. “but you actually know her.”
“fine. want my advice? how about just grow a pair and talk to her like a normal person. you don’t need me as your ‘middle man’.” letting the ice in your words dissipate into thin air, you tap the screen of your phone to see that it’s already 5:30pm. you have plans to attend to.
he watches as you pack away your things, patiently waiting for you to meet his gaze. as your eyes finally lock, a small, playful smile appears on his lips, “but i always need you.”
fighting the urge to roll your eyes, you let out a breath from your nose, “that’s great jeongguk. but what i need, is to leave.” you sling your backpack over your shoulders and start your exit out the building. a small part of you expects him to ask why you’re in such a hurry, but even if he was at all curious, he didn’t make it known.
before you can completely walk past him, he grabs at your wrist, pulling you back slightly. “i'm sorry for being annoying. you’re not mad at me are you?” for the nth time that night, your tired eyes meet his eager ones and you can’t help but feel bad. as much as you hated the way he only ever seemed to contact you when he wanted something, the sentimental part of you was willingly to keep any piece - no matter how small - of friendship you two had left.
swallowing your pride, you open your mouth to speak. “she gets off work at 7 and probably hasn’t eaten anything all day. she loves the spinach feta wrap from starbucks, and i’m sure she’d really appreciate one of those cake pop things too.” he flashes you a toothy grin, and before he can exclaim his gratitude you remove his hand from your wrist and readjust the straps of your weighty backpack. “i’ll see you around.”
watching you escape the confines of the quiet library, he can’t help but feel his heart twinge when he realizes that in the entire three hours you two had spent together, you did not smile at him once.
waiting game | drabble
a/n: dedicated to the app i hate the most.
— pairing: jungkook x (f) reader
— genre: friends/strangers to lovers (?), college au, fun banter
— snippet: either im rlly ugly or i just killed you with my good looks
warnings: idk if this will make sense if you don’t have much knowledge on “snapchat culture”. also tons of dialogue in this one for no reason other than im lazy :D
--------------
“okay, how about this one?”
tilting the phone to face your friend, she spares a brief glance at the image plastered on the screen before looking you dead in the eye, “is that not the same selfie you took just two seconds ago?”
“are you implying that i’m ugly?”
“i’m implying that you’re an idiot.” she reaches over, pressing the home button on your device to sneak a peak at the time written in small, white font. “you opened his snap at 11:43pm. it’s 11:46 now.”
swatting her hand away from your phone, you quickly reopen snapchat and tap the ‘x’ at the top left corner to discard the photo you spent a little too much time taking. “god, three whole ass minutes, now it just looks like i’m trying too hard.”
“but that’s exactly what you were d-”
“shut up. i’ll just send him a picture of, like, the ceiling or something, he probably doesn’t even think i’m pretty anyw-”
“holy shit you’re annoying.” in the blink of an eye, rose snatches the phone from your hand, extends her arm out to an upward angle, and takes a semi-blurry picture of the both of you, “done.” your eyes go wide as you see the small box turn to a red arrow: delivered, now.
“i think you just made my heart fall out of my ass.”
“and i think that you’re overthinking this too much. he’s one of the hottest guys on campus, probably - actually no - i know he has tons of girls lined up on his phone. do you really want to be another one he just checks off the list?”
her words float around inside your head as you stare mindlessly at the screen in front of you, eagerly awaiting his reply. “it’s kinda fun though,” you try to reason.
rose lets out a soft chuckle and pokes you in your cheek, “you’re so cute. i know this whole ‘talking stage’ and ‘flirting’ thing is new for you, so i’ll let it slide.”
you feel guilty all of a sudden when you realize that you’ve only been talking about him since the moment she got to your dorm. understanding how annoying it can be to constantly pester someone with your relationship problems, you turn off your phone and throw it to the opposite side of the bed. “by the way, how’s your internship going?”
she smiles in appreciation, picking up the m&m packet from your bedside table and tearing it open. “the real question is how is it not going.” once she’s placed all the yellow-colored chocolates into the palm of your hand, she doesn't fail to let you in on every single detail for the next half an hour.
“...i mean besides all that, the pay is insanely good, so i’m not really complaining. and also, i’m pretty sure he snapped you back, like, 15 minutes ago.” she grabs your phone from the edge of the bed and tosses it in your lap, amused by how fast your eyes light up.
staring nervously at the name on the top of your chat feed, you swear you can feel your heart beating faster and louder as the seconds go by.
jungkook
∎ new snap, 17m
without much thought, you open the picture and - woah. grabbing the closest pillow to you, you scream into it as if that’ll stop the butterflies in your stomach.
confused by the reaction, rose mutters a “let me see that” and grabs the phone from your hand. mouth slightly agape, she playfully pushes your shoulder, not taking her eyes off the image. “i get it, ____. i really get it now.”
lifting your head from the pillow, you take another glance at the photo and let out one final scream into the soft cushion before taking the phone back from rose’s hand. “was he sculpted by the gods or something? how does anyone have a body like that?” you can’t help but gawk at the oh-so precious photo that jeon jungkook himself has chosen to bless your eyes with.
shirtless torso, grey sweats, and wet hair: what would normally be considered a harmless mirror selfie is quite literally turning into what you assume will be the cause of your death. “i think he’s trying to kill me.”
“well hurry up and reply before he thinks you actually died from his hot, hot, hot body.”
when you finally let go of the picture, you notice that there’s no longer an empty red square, but a blue one that fills its place. “fuck, he typed something in the chat.” rose scoots herself closer to you, your shoulders touching as she watches you carefully slide open the conversation - not fully - but just enough so that you can see what he says without notifying him that you opened his message.
your cheeks turn an intense shade of pink, and all rose can do is laugh. “i have to say i am kind of jealous of you right now... babe.”
jungkook
wow 5 mins on opened
either im rlly ugly or i just killed you with my good looks
jk
but seriously babe wya
you
babe?
and sorry lmao i just forgot to reply thats all
jungkook
rightttttttttt
it’s okay to say u were staring
i wont tell anyone
and what do u want me to call u
pretty girl
angel face
a pause in the chat like he's thinking for more things to say. jungkook is typing...
love
love. you mentally facepalm yourself for letting your heart flutter at the possibility of him - or even anyone for that matter - calling you that one day.
you
maybe uhhhh idk. my name :D
and awh did me leaving you on open bruise ur ego :((((((
jungkook
fiesty
i like that
but fr it kinda did
while it was fun to push each other’s buttons, you were slightly unsure of how to gage the seriousness of his last reply. why do i kind of feel bad, you thought to yourself.
you
i didn’t think you cared lol
jungkook
ahhh
but you see love
i do when it comes to you :)
Omg omg omg thank you so much!! 😭
BTS fic recs: December 2023
HAPPY NEW YEARS!! 🥳 May every single one of you lovely people out there have the best and brightest year to come ✨
I want to thank each and every writer on this list for creating such wonderful stories and art - you are truly amazing ✨ All the fics on this list hold a dear place in my heart 🥹
❗Most of these fics are smutty as hell, so minors dni.❗
If you read anything on this list and you like it, please leave a comment to the writer or reblog the original fic’s post 💜And if you want more fic recs you can follow me to stay updated 🙂
BTS fic rec index → May | Jun | Jul | Aug | Sep (jjk)(knj) | Oct (pjm) | Nov (*) | 💜 (ksj)(kth) |
Emoji meaning → angst = 🌩️, smut = 🥵, fluff = 🥰, comedy = 😂, yandere = 😈, thriller/dark = 👻, personal favorites = 💯.
Namjoon
⭐Good Neighbor @sugaurora [0.7K] // knj x f.reader // neighbors!au, winter!au // 🥰🥰🥰
📝 Namjoon’s solitary tendencies versus the cookies. Spoiler: The cookies win.
🗨️ God, this was so fucking sweet 🥹 like sugary sweet fluffy fantastic! I loved it 💖 the way Namjoon just observes oc, and then helping her in the end 👏🏾 even though this is short, it’s fucking brilliant. The writing is just 😘😘 like I wished there was so much more, but I’m also so pleased with just what is 😌
⭐A Word from our Sponsors 💯 @ugh-yoongi [17.5K] // knj x f.reader // podcast!au, f2l, idiots to lovers // 😂🥵🥰
📝 You’ve co-hosted a podcast with namjoon for three years; have known him even longer. the two of you have always been the picture of platonic, but that hasn’t stopped the internet from doing what the internet does. the shipping? a little weird at first, but you can understand it: two attractive twenty-somethings always in close proximity to one another, obvious (platonic!) chemistry—people have created ships for less. the fanfiction, though? also pretty funny… until you can’t stop thinking about it.
🗨️ Okay. This. Was. Exceptional ✨🥹 I am slightly speechless, so this review might be short or long or just a rambling of my dainty thoughts. Here goes: it was amazing, seriously one of the best fics I’ve ever read 😭 everything just had that perfect flow, the writing was incredible, like I can’t even speak? The characters, out of this world fantastic ✨ the whole thing, just, perfect. Perfection. I don’t know what else to call it, sorry. The world building and tension was so fucking delicious I just ate it up! 😭 And their banter and chemistry was just off the charts amazing. Perfection. And it was so fucking hilarious too!! Many times I was just laughing or chuckling, like the lovesick fool I am 😂 it was definitely worth it to stay up late tonight to finish this masterpiece ✨ And them reading the fanfiction 💀 😂 priceless ✨👏🏾
Seokjin
⭐The IKEA Test by @yoon-bug [9.1K] // ksj x f.reader // established relationship // 🥵🥰😂
📝 One review on IKEA’s website called the BRIMNES bed frame the leading cause of divorce due to its difficult assembly. You and Seokjin had laughed when you read it. Now, you weren’t so sure.
🗨️ Their banter and all the sexual innuendos are damn hilarious! I thoroughly enjoyed this very much 💜
⭐I Don’t Think I’m Okay by @ressjeon [4K] // ksj x f.reader // slice of life, idiots to lovers!au, childhood friends!au // 🥵🥰🌩️
📝 With many chances wasted, you couldn’t even resist anymore.
🗨️ A cute little Seokjin fic 🥰
⭐Turn Back Time 💯 by @raplinesmoon [13.3K] // ksj x f.reader // time travel!au // 🥵🥰🌩️😂
📝 After total humiliation at his middle school baseball try outs, Kim Seokjin wants nothing more than for his awkward years to fade away until he’s thirty. Cue a magic baseball glove, and his wish is finally granted. Seokjin suddenly wakes up seventeen years later, now the star pitcher of the team he’d always dreamed of playing for. Confused and overwhelmed at the prospect of the new life waiting for him, he turns to the only person who seems to understand him — you. Will Seokjin learn what it truly means to be thirty, flirty, and thriving? Or will he find himself wishing he could turn back time?
🗨️ Seokjin’s childhood/school was just, ugh, I really felt heartache for thirteen year old Seokjin 🥹 So very common as a kid, to wish you’re older – and then it’s just not what he expected at all. I really loved it! There were a few times I was laughing so damn hard, times where I was shedding a few tears as well. Just, incredibly good; very well written, the story was captivating and motivating, just yeah, brilliant. (Sorry, I’m suddenly bad with words). I loved the ‘lessons’ he learned, and then having the luxury (I’m using that word because we don’t have that irl) of going back to his childhood (almost like starting over) and damn it was good 👏💯
Yoongi
⭐Sinful Lust [series; ongoing] 💯 by @oddinary4bts [wordcount loading…] // myg x jjk x f.reader // established relationship, bisexual boyfriend!Yoongi, slice of life // 🥵🌩️
📝In an attempt to spice up your bedroom life with your boyfriend Min Yoongi, you suggest bringing another man into the action. Yoongi seems reluctant at first, but when you mention his friend Jeon Jungkook, he can’t deny his attraction. All that’s left to do is to convince Jungkook into participating…
🗨️ Holy 😱 😱 😱 this is just completely unadulterated sin 🥵🫣 I can not describe how much I love this fic! It has A LOT of angst and at times it’s just sad reading how each character falls apart 😭 it’s amazing! If you’re into stories that will have you question your own morals and who to root for, this is for you 💖
⭐In Between the Pages of You [series; ongoing] @unique-high [wordcount loading…] // myg x f.reader // s2l // 🥰😂🌩️
📝 Yoongi fell in love with you. A girl he had never even met before. Knew everything that you were made up of within 96 pages of a worn red journal with a nirvana sticker on front, with coffee and tea-stained pages that also smelled of lilacs and summer.
🗨️ I can already tell that this story will be amazing; it’s so sweet, cute and tender. The storyline/idea is really cute and fluffy, like who wouldn’t love that?? 😭 And as someone who wrote countless journals as a teen, this one just hits differently. It’s so cute and the concept is gold 💜 I really, really look forward to reading the next chapters and what Yoongi will uncover of OC through her journal. And if he can return it to her sometime and they meet! 🥹
⭐F*ck Christmas 💯 @sailoryooons [23.4K] // myg x f.reader // f2l // 🥰🥵
📝 Making hating Christmas your entire personality was never the plan. Then again, it seems bad things only ever happen around Christmas - like discovering your fiancé cheating on you, forcing you to move back to your sleepy hometown. But Min Yoongi happens to love Christmas, and if there is one thing your very stubborn childhood crush is going to do, it’s try to reignite your Christmas spirit. Even if he has to force-feed it to you with gingerbread cookies and too-sweet eggnog.
🗨️ Gosh, I remember reading this sometime last year and it was perfection - it still is! ✨ It’s so so so fucking good. If you haven’t read it, please do so 🥹 it’s also one of the best Christmasy fics 💜
Hoseok
⭐Ho Ho Horrible 💯 @ugh-yoongi [5.6K] // jhs x f.reader // e2l, neighbor!au, holiday!au // 🥵🥰😂
📝 (or, the one where your neighbor is a relentless christmas caroler and refuses to take a hint, but at least he's really hot.)
🗨️ No– this was just so freaking cute! 😭 Like fluffy cute and also extremely funny, just what I love. I loved this so much 💜 OC’s friendship with Tae, their banter was 💯 and then with Hobi, just so so good! It was so cute and OC’s internal dialogue is just funny 😂A really cute holiday themed Hoseok fic that I can’t recommend enough!!!! Everything was just great. Had me smiling and giggling a few times – please go read it 🥹💜
⭐Started with a Sparkle, now we’re on Fire @the-boy-meets-evil [6.5K] // jhs x f.reader // f2l // 🥵
📝 You're feeling self conscious about your recent break-up and hoseok is more than happy to teach you a thing or two.
🗨️ Really really good! I really liked it 💜 I really loved how both sweet and demanding Hoseok was, guiding oc through everything.
Jimin
⭐Couchsurfer 💯 @heartbeatan [6K] // pjm x f.reader // s2l // 🥵🥰
📝 This was left intentionally blank 🫥
🗨️ Omg this was so fucking good! 💯 First, really well written and the pacing was lovely, even though it’s short and one night they spend together 🥹 the build up of their tension and their chemistry was off the charts! So impeccably done! Fuck. I loved it ✨ it’s insane how good this story is and Jimin is just so sweet, romantic and nasty 🥵 I can’t tell you how turned on I got by the description of how Jimin handled OC, like damn 🥵 this is so fucking good, please don’t sleep on the this beauty 💖 Normally, I’m not one for one night stands, because I catch feelings for the characters, but this has a lovely ending that I loved - so fucking good!
Lol. Can not stop screaming about this one. Please go read it, fuck. PLEASE 😌 ✨
⭐Paper Hearts @namfinessed [9K] // pjm x f.reader // f2l, college!au // 🥰
📝 hearts fragile like paper, tear it or don’t?
🗨️ I think it is both cute and heartwarming, with their foolishness and stubbornness towards each other. I loved how the fic becomes full circle with the description of love by both Jimin and reader and then again at the end - really, really beautiful! 😍 I really loved this, it was well written, their friendship and love really shined through too! If you haven’t read this one yet, you really should 💜
Taehyung
⭐The Wannabe-Photographer Chronicles [series] by @gimmethatagustd [14K] // kth x f.reader // frenemies to lovers // 🥵
📝 You’re so tired of Kim Taehyung’s hipster, wannabe-photographer ass. You’re so tired of Kim Taehyung’s stupid smile and stupid jokes and stupid way of getting under your skin and sticking in your brain.
🗨️ At first I did not realize that this was a series, therefore I’ve linked to the masterlist, lol. Anyway, this series is just so fucking hot, like WHAT 🥵 There’s a lot of banter and their mutual ‘hatred’ for each other just makes this hit incredible hard. Really amazing ✨
⭐Loverboy 💯 by @kookslastbutton [7.1K] // kth x f.reader // established relationship // 🥵🥰🌩️
📝 After a startling conversation with your coworkers, you start feeling insecure about your sexual prowess. You don't initiate as much, you haven't worn lingerie yet, and you're still timid about doing much seducing with your body–are you giving your boyfriend boring sex? Taehyung reassures you that you are perfect and have nothing to worry about.
🗨️ These coworkers gotta go, okay?! 😠🤣 Planting seeds of doubt in OC’s head, no, no. Tae to the rescue!! He is so sweet in this too, yes a real ‘loverboy’ 😍 Gosh and then best friend Jimin - that was just pure gold, their relationship and how he helps OC 🥹 That is friendship goals!! A sweet, loving and comforting Taehyung fic - I loved it ✨
⭐Hush, yeah? [series; ongoing/hiatus] by @kithtaehyung [wordcount loading…] // kth x f.reader // brother’s best friend!au, music festival!au // 🥵
📝 Who knew an innocent accident could turn things so dirty..
🗨️ Pure gold ✨ — I don’t really have much to say, except GO READ IT.
⭐Under wraps by @jungkxook [15K] // kth x f.reader // e2l, fake dating // 🥵🥰
📝 There’s nothing you and taehyung seem to hate more than each other - except for christmas. having recently been dumped by your (now ex) boyfriend only seems to make this holiday even worse. but when taehyung suggests that you should pretend to be dating each other to save you both the embarrassment, pity, and bothersome questions from family and friends alike for a fun carefree month of celebrations, you can’t possibly say no.
🗨️ I just love me some good enemies to lovers AU 🥵 the relationship between OC and tae is really good, I think the tension between them was well built 👏🏾 I loved how their relationship unfolded and grew through their fake dating 🥹 the way OC realized she had feelings for him, but he had showed her before in his subtle moves, how much more he relaxed in her presence. I loved the interaction between oc and tae’s parents too, the way that they could obviously tell that OC was head over heels 😂 ah just, It was really really good! It was funny, it was comforting, and such a lovely read around Christmas! And the smut was sweet and tender (also hot!) 😍 a really great fic that I’ll add to my Christmas re-reads for years to come ✨ I loved it! Please go read it if you haven’t already 🥹
⭐Somebody Else 💯 by @jamaisjoons [4.2K] // kth x f.reader ft. yoongi // established relationship + post break up!au // 🥵🌩️
📝 Yoongi doesn’t want you anymore. but he can’t stand watching you with someone else.
🗨️ Holy s– 🥵 I don’t even know where to begin with this one! It’s really good and the that is mainly from Yoongi’s pov makes it truly special – he is observing them and damn is it hot 🥵 Aish, really good 💯
Jungkook
Nothing this month 😞 — I AM SO SORRY that I haven’t read any with JK this month (though he is featuring in some with the other members). My JK ‘to read’ list is the LONGEST imao 😂 I’ll hopefully do better next month – but you can always check my Jungkook Library 💜
I have spend most of December being on holiday/time off, which gave me a lot of time to write my own stuff, which in the end gave me less time to read 😣 But it’s all good! I loved getting some stories and thoughts out of my head and now there’s space to read and obsess over other’s stories again 😀
Borahae 💜
mixtape (m)
pairing: min yoongi x reader
genre: smut, fluff, comedy / college, podcast personality au
word count: 15,610
description: Two mystery students from your college run the podcast dubbed ‘mixtape.’ It’s become a sort of phenomenon around campus, listened to by almost everyone. In their most recent episode they discussed various study methods… One of them being oh so tempting.
“This week’s topic is—” Sugar started, of course only to be swiftly interrupted by the second half of the two-man show podcast that had sort of gone viral around your college campus.
But regardless of being cut short, the metallic nature of his voice still managed to worm its way directly into your chest, where it festered into something so captivating that you couldn’t help but sigh. It was cool to the touch as the syllables of his chosen words sent an intrusion of goosebumps along your arms and thighs. It had a certain gravel, a deepness that you could sometimes feel in the pit of your belly if you listened to him long enough with your eyes closed. However, more times than not, the grit would be severed with a vibrant laugh that rang so sweetly that you could feel it clamoring around your heart with giddiness on its heels.
“—Studying! So sexy, right?” Jay interjected mid-sentence, something that anyone who listened to their weekly episodes would quickly learn is a norm.
However, there were times of course where Sugar was allowed the courtesy of going off on long tangents without his friend’s interruption, and in those moments his voice was hypnotic, if you had to put it simply. It tugged you beneath the current of concentration until you were pressing the volume button on your phone to raise his vocals higher. The small hitch of his breath, or exhale against the mic when he would sigh due to the topic at hand, they made you lean in closer to the invisible man on the other side of the pre-recorded audio that filtered through your headphones.
Keep reading
vaunt (m) | jeon jungkook
pairing: Jungkook x Reader genre/warnings: college/fratboy!jungkook, fratparty!au, smut, porn with bare minimum plot, oral(male and female recieving), unprotected sex(stay safe kids), squirting, creampie, jungkook has a “huge wang”(phrasing by @gimmesumsuga 2k18), all the good stuff y’know. words: 9387 summary: Every weekend Beta Tau throws a ‘little’ party to help students relax and let loose and frat resident Jungkook has a big mouth that talks a lot of big game. You finally get sick of the lack of relaxation on your end and set out to see if he’s all talk.
a/n: I literally thought this up yesterday at 4am after some lazy(unrelated) porn watching so, enjoy!
Even the fifth pass of the vodka bottle around the circle wasn’t building your tolerance to the conversation across from you, but you doubt anything could.
“Wait, it wouldn’t fit?” Jimin leans forward, smacking the younger on the leg with a disbelieving yet bright grin stretching his cheeks.
“My dick literally wouldn’t fit. Yet another girl I’m too big for.” You blink slowly down at the alarmingly fast emptying cup in your hand just before you take another swig, tongue dragging across your lower lip to catch any stray drops.
“Like, too long?” You can’t help but frown in mild disgust as all the boys within the circle shuffle closer to the boy, eyes alight with intrigue.
“Too long and too thick. I really thought Momo would give me a decent run for my money, but no such luck!” Jungkook leans back, legs spread and arms propped behind him against the back of the couch, and the cocky smirk tilting the corners of his lips curves even further as Taehyung whoops and claps a hand against his shoulder.
Keep reading
Bookmarking for later! I love finding rec. lists so I could just go down the line. And since I’ve been in a sorta seokjin mood (after watching the RunJin’s) lately this is perfect!
Seokjin fic recs 2023
In honor of Seokjin’s birthday, I want to share my favorite fanfictions that I’ve read this year. Although I did not read as many as I wanted to, the list will be short. But! I’ve leave my ‘to read’ list at the bottom to make up for it 💜I want to thank each and every writer on this list for creating such wonderful stories and art - you are truly amazing ✨ All the fics on this list hold a dear place in my heart 🥹
❗Most of these fics are smutty as hell or contains dark themes, so minors dni.❗
If you read anything on this list and you like it, please leave a comment to the writer or reblog the original fic’s post 💜And if you want more fic recs you can follow me to stay updated 🙂
BTS fic rec index → May | Jun | Jul | Aug | Sep (jjk)(knj) | Oct (pjm) | Nov (*) | Dec (💜)(kth) |
Emoji meaning → angst = 🌩️, smut = 🥵, fluff = 🥰, comedy = 😂, yandere = 😈, thriller/dark = 👻.
⭐Knocked by @sailoryooons [10.6K] // ksj x f.reader // roommates to lovers // 🥵😂
📝 Living with people is difficult, but all things considered, your new roommate isn’t terrible. He cooks, he cleans, and if you had to be honest - incredibly attractive. But his habit of streaming until the early hours of the morning while yelling and making other questionable noises has pushed you to the limit. You’ve finally decided to risk your sanity and put it all on the line with a reckless bet in hopes of getting some peace and quiet at night.
🗨️ This was so hilarious, and the build up and pay-off was really good 👏
⭐Sleepover by @peachypinkygloss [7.3K] // ksj x f.reader x pjm // bestfriends!au, threesome // 🥵
📝 You spend a night with your two best friends at their dorm room. You should have known that they wanted to do more than just watching movies.
🗨️ Omg this was so good, the smut 😘🥵
⭐I Don’t Think I’m Okay by @ressjeon [4K] // ksj x f.reader // slice of life, idiots to lovers!au, childhood friends!au // 🥵🥰🌩️
📝 With many chances wasted, you couldn’t even resist anymore.
🗨️ A cute little Seokjin fic 🥰
⭐The IKEA Test by @yoon-bug [9.1K] // ksj x f.reader // established relationship // 🥵🥰😂
📝 One review on IKEA’s website called the BRIMNES bed frame the leading cause of divorce due to its difficult assembly. You and Seokjin had laughed when you read it. Now, you weren’t so sure.
🗨️ Their banter and all the sexual innuendos are damn hilarious! I thoroughly enjoyed this very much 💜
I’m really sad that I didn’t get to read more Seokjin fics 😭 I have a lot on my ‘to read’ list, so I’ll share some that I’m really excited to read when i have more time (and I know they’ll be great because they are written by amazing people!) ✨
‘To read’ list ⬇️
Fast Lane by @yminie [20.6K]
Cherry Topper by @kth1 [17.6K]
Final Sleigh by @floralseokjin [23.3K]
Stuck with you by @taleasnewastime [29.6K]
Small Tuna Fish by @floralseokjin [17.1K]
Off Limits by @floralseokjin [series; completed]
Raspberry truffles by @gukyi [5K]
Christmas Warfare by @gimmethatagustd [14.5K]
9 Months to Fall in Love by @floralseokjin [series; completed]
Redamancy by @jeonggukingdom [7.1K]
Sunday by @here2bbtstrash [5K]
Serve Me by @chateautae [16K]
Meet Me at the Bar by @eoieopda [7.5K]
Internal Conflicts by @yoongiofmine [series; completed]
Forever by @oddinary4bts [25.2K]
Thank you, Daddy by @ktheist [19K]
The Devil Wears Armani by @floralseokjin [series; completed]
Glazed & Dazed by @floralseokjin [30.3K]
Wet & Wild by @jamaisjoons [10K]
Warm this Winter by @jamaisjoons [51.6K]
Peach Parfait by @jamaisjoons [series; completed]
Borderlines by @jamaisjoons [series; ongoing]
All I Don’t Want for Christmas is You! by @minisugakoobies [23.7K]
Cupid’s on Holiday by @persphonesorchid [17K]
Don’t Go Baking my Heart by @candlewaxandp0lar0ids [14.7K]
Platonic by @joheunsaram [series; completed??]
Last November by @kithtaehyung [24.7K]
Sit. Stay. by @daechwitatamic [14K]
Turn Back Time by @raplinesmoon [13.3K]
Made-up Love Song by @floralseokjin [series; completed]
Lost and Found by @taleasnewastime [21.2K]
I’m so sorry that I didn’t get to read more! 😭 Life happened, and yeah. But all of these wonderful fics on my list sound so incredibly good and I really look forward to reading them and give them a lovely review 💜
HAPPY BIRTHDAY SEOKJIN!!! 💜 🥳 🎂
New Fic Rec Blog
Hiiii everyone i’m M and after years of reading fics on here I decided to share some of my favs and new favs as I continue reading. There probably won’t be a very in depth sorting system until a while later, but I’m going to start by reblogging all my favs. I’ll be so real this is 100% just so I can have them all in one spot and is very much just for me, but might as well share!
It’ll mainly be BTS and got7 fics with a few from my different interests here or there. Hope this helps you find your next fav!
-M
(just one rule. You can’t fall in love with me)
Fluff “Fake” dating college au perfection
can’t fake a feeling - kth
pairing: taehyung x reader
genre/warnings: f2l, college!au, fuck boy!au without the smut, fluff, angst, very loosely based off of to all the boys i’ve loved before
word count: 12,458
summary: fake dating your best friend should be easy when you’re seemingly in possession of the only pair of pants on campus he’s never tried to get in or there’s a fake rule that’s broken.
a/n: this is a little bit different than what i normally write so :’-) i rlly hope you guys enjoy it :-)
Taehyung’s cheek was warm where it leaned against the inside of your thigh, eyes open just enough to see a sliver of the white while a miserable moan crawled upward and out of his throat. You ignored the sound, digging the blunt edge of your fingernails a bit harder into his scalp, drawing bleached tendrils backward into a ball in your palm.
“What are you doing?” He mumbled, neck tilting and his head plopped deeper into your lap.
You released his hair, letting it shag like a bowl over his eyes. You nudged your index finger underneath the black elastic on your wrist, letting it snap back against your skin.
“Putting your hair up,” You roughed a hand through his bangs, drawing just those pieces off his eyes, “You won’t cut it and cleaning puke from your hair is not in my job description.”
“M’not gonna puke,” Taehyung’s chin lulled forward again and his shoulders sagged, “—and my hair isn’t long enough for that, anyway.”
“For a bun or to get puke in?” You twisted the elastic around a tiny bob at the crown of his head, lightly rubbing the free strands between your thumb and middle finger.
“Either.”
Keep reading
the best slow burn fic ive ever read. best arranged marriage fic ive ever read. best best best
love me or we both go down | kth
summary: after going through with an arranged marriage to please his parents and secure his inheritance of the family business, kim taehyung thinks he’s got it all figured out. he doesn’t. apparently just being married to you isn’t enough, not when everybody and their mother can pick up on the fact that the two of you absolutely loathe each other. but taehyung wants his inheritance one way or another, so he decides that desperate times call for desperate measures: the two of you need to fall in love, and you need to fall in love fast.
{enemies to lovers!au, arranged marriage!au, rich kids!au}
pairing: kim taehyung x female reader genre: fluff, angst, smut (i know, crazy right?) word count: 32k warnings: oral sex (m & f receiving), fingering, penetrative sex, multiple unprotected sex scenes (they’re married y’all), fat cock tae, tae has a wife kink, lots of praise, alcohol consumption (but they’re safe), minor character death (not explicit), mentions of heart attack, slow burn like there is no tomorrow a/n: hello and welcome to the fic everyone, literally everyone, has been waiting for! i am so, so, so excited to share this with you all, especially because none other than rose @kinktae helped me write the smut, and i am literally forever indebted to her. you all better go spam rose with all the love and support you can because this fic would not be here without her and i love her so much.
also, to all my readers who aren’t comfortable reading smut, please know that the smut in this fic is not imperative to the storyline, and you skipping past it will not affect your reading experience., enjoy!
Never in your life have wedding bells felt so ominous.
Keep reading
IN LOVE with this series. It is still in progress at the time im recommending this (4/16/2021) but it is so amazing that you need to get as invested as I am and fast
if I can never give you peace — zero || Jungkook
Pairing: Jungkook x Reader
Summary: It starts like quite a few stories do, in your world. Girl meets boy, who happens to be a hybrid, girl buys him at an auction where hybrids are sold, boy falls in love with her, girl gets bored of him. Then it’s not so typical anymore, when the boy ends up forced into illegal fighting rings, until he makes a wrong move and the girl’s father decides he needs to be killed.
Where does that leave you? Well, you’re the one who handled Jungkook’s fight and generally organized his life, and, when the girl’s father, your boss and mafia leader, tells you he wants him ‘put down’, you’re the one who has to get it done. Except, instead, you let him escape, and everything turns out fine.
Until he comes back.
Also available on Ao3.
Word count (chapter): 5.8k
Genre: Mafia AU, Hybrid AU, enemies to lovers, heavy on angst, slow burn, eventual smut
Warnings & Tags (chapter): Descriptions of Violence, Tension, Dehumanization and general poor treatment of hybrids
A/N: So I have two modes and those are tooth-rotting fluff and angst feast. This is… not fluff. I hope you’ll enjoy this first installment and introduction to the series, and I will see you soon for the next one!
Next
Your eyes follow Jungkook’s every step as he walks through the crowd and enters the cage that serves as a ring. He doesn’t have to look at you to know you’re watching. You’re always watching. You’re standing in your usual corner, from where you make sure everything goes smoothly. Two tall, muscular men stand on either side of you. They look like they’re your bodyguards, but really, they’re here to handle him if he tries to do something. To everyone in the room but the two of you, this looks like every other fight night since the very first time he came to the Circle.
You’re too far for him to smell you, especially over the crowd of excited, sweaty men, but if he did, he’s sure he would pick up on the bitter scent of anxiety, would hear your heart beating a little too fast. He’d say you’re lucky the guards aren’t hybrids, but he knows that’s not the case. You never count on luck. Everybody knows that. That’s what makes you so good at your job. That’s what might just save his life.
He glances at you, finds your eyes glued on him, and gives you a smirk, which reveals his abnormally pointy teeth for a rabbit hybrid. It’s been over a year since they’ve been sharpened for him, to make him look more threatening. You’re used to them, but he still sees you swallow. For the first time he wonders, vaguely, if you had any say in that. You’re the one he meets with nowadays, but you’re not his owner, after all.
Your eyes leave him to look at his opponent. The man’s taller and has broad shoulders, he seems to have some training based on his on-guard position, and he’s older than him. You couldn’t find many informations on him, but based on his attributes, he’s probably some kind of dog hybrid.
You both know he doesn’t stand a chance.
“On my left,” the announcer roars, “some fresh meat! I give you… Jin!”
There are enthusiastic shouts, and the man shoots nervous glances around him at the crowd all around him. It’s clear that he isn’t used to that type of setting, and you feel an unexpected wave a guilt in your chest. He’s going to get destroyed tonight, you’re sure of it. You’re the one who suggested that Jungkook should fight a newbie, for the show. You don’t regret your decision, but you don’t feel good about it either.
“And on my right! The man who needs no introduction, who has won thirty! Two! Fights in a row, I give you… Jungkook!”
The crowd goes hysterical, and the hybrid facing him winces again. If he thought he had chance before that, it’s clear that he doesn’t anymore. You wonder if he’d heard about Jungkook, if his owners had prepared him well enough, if whoever owned him was betting against him. You wonder if he’d just been told he would be fighting a rabbit hybrid and assumed he would be fine.
Jungkook’s long ears are flat against his head, carefully tucked under a headband, and without those, he doesn’t look like a rabbit hybrid, too tall and broad-shouldered. Then again, he had never really been your typical rabbit hybrid.
Keep reading
THIS SERIES. I have never seen writing so perfect. I loved every part. Also still in progress but you’ll fall in love two paragraphs in and be just as invested as I am
“It’s a refurbished student housing,” you explain as they trail after you like ducks in a row. Even if they don’t understand what you’re saying, they seem to be clinging to every word. Wherever you look there’s always at least one pair of doe eyes staring expectantly back at you a.k.a. what do you do when you open your doors and find a certain retired boyband for some reason wants to move in
• type: ot7 x fem! reader (poly) • genre: (ex) idol! au, roommate au, soulmate au, slice of life, fluff, crack treated seriously (?), angst, slow burn like an elderly dog with a limp slow, lack of communication • rating: mature • status: ongoing
#1 Wacky Wednesday
#2 Tenebrous Thursday
#3 Solicitous Saturday
↪ #3.5 Jin Ponders the Meaning of Time over a Pot of Soup
#4 Munificent Monday
#5 Tiresome Tuesday
#6 Surreal Sunday
↪ #6.5 Namjoon Discovers the Definition of Love (His Own)
#7 Tender Tuesday(s)
#8 Furious Friday
#9 The Last Step Towards You
↪ #9.5 Jimin’s History of Having Bad Birthdays
#10 The Getaway Ploy
#11 Sh*t, again
#12 A New Slate
↪ #12.5 Jungkook and the Meaning of “Oh”
#13 Few Rights, Lots of Wrongs
#14 Helping Matters
#15 On Middle Grounds
↪ #15.5 134340 (slowed)
#16 The Tale of Two Sisters (& 8 Uncles & 1 Surprise)
↪ #16.5
#17 Mom
↪ #17.5 Neither, nor
#18 First, Tentative Steps Into Light
#19 Life Goes On
↪ #19.5 Jung Hoseok
#20 The Letter
#21 October 12th, 2012
↪ #21.5 The Long and Unexplored Road to You
#22 Goodbye.
The End.
© sor-vette, 2021 - 2022
when i saw this fic again i practically squealed. This is the perfect example of life changing character development and writing that should be making millions
the wedding planners | jjk
↳ alternative title: ‘til death do us part? i’d rather die than be with you.
⇒ summary: jeon jungkook is three things: cocky, terrible, and your worst enemy. then your best friend hoseok gets engaged to the love of his life, and suddenly jeon jungkook is four things: cocky, terrible, your worst enemy, and the man you will be spending the next seven months with in order to plan your best friend’s wedding.
and then, as if your life couldn’t get any shittier, you make the poor decision of sleeping with him on the first day of the job.
⇒ enemies to lovers!au, wedding!au
⇒ pairing: jungkook x female reader (and some side yoonseok)
⇒ word count: 28k of self-indulgent banter
⇒ genre: fluff, light smut, light angst
⇒ warnings: alcohol consumption and too many clichés
⇒ a/n: woo boy. i don’t want to make this a/n too long but i know it will be. first, this is the longest fic i have ever written, ever. second, thank you to all of the support i’ve gotten while writing the original fic and the revamp. it’s been a long 6 months, people. third, i am tagging: @jeonhoney, @wicdrop, @gukhopes, @workofteaguk, and @army-author for being so damn supportive while i was writing this, and @kitschkylo because u asked me to! fourth, this is way better than the original fic and thus makes me even more proud of it. i finished it, you guys. it’s here. also, @macfullyloaded17 made this Hecking Amazing playlist for this fic that you should 100% listen to while you read this, and shoutout to her.
⇒ DISCLAIMER: in no way is this a realistic portrayal of planning a wedding/getting married. if you’re planning a wedding, don’t rely on this fic to guide you. it’s just a bad idea.
check out the post-script drabble here!
Keep reading
This fic made me actively seek out angst because it displays how beautifully the genre can be written. This fic is phenomenal as a stand alone, but if you fall in love with it (not if. When. You will fall in love) it’s part of a bigger over-arching series that I haven’t read yet but WILL be reading in the very very near future
close call | myg x reader
🎵 summary: burying your head in the sand won't change the fact that the man you love walks a thin line between life and death. and sometimes you can't outrun your worst fears.
🎵 pairing: reader x mafia!yoongi
🎵 rating: mature, 18+, a wee bit self-indulgent
🎵 genre: smut, mafia AU, guarded AU drabble though it can be read as a standalone story
🎵 warnings: smut with feelings (of course) angst, a lot of angst, super angsty you have been warned this is a veritable angst buffet
🎵 word count: 4.5K
🎵 notes: so, uh...long time no see? phew fam, these past 4-5 months have been really tough for me from a writing standpoint. i've probably written and deleted hundreds of thousands of words and just felt really out of touch with my writing voice. why am i telling you this? because therapy is expensive and because even though i struggled, i did manage to push through it and that makes me feel really hopeful about a light at the end of the tunnel where this writing block is concerned. i'd love to hear from you if you like this and thank you guys always for hanging with me 💕
i borrowed these people's beautiful eyeballs and brains on this fic and i owe them all a debt of gratitude: @hobi-gif @thatlongspringnight @illneverrecover @miscelunaaa thank you all for being rad people and writers.
You hear music the moment you step off the elevator.
The sound drifts down the long stretch of hallway before you, echoing off the walls and then diffusing into the soft carpet beneath your feet. It gets louder with each step you take towards the apartment, swelling higher as you near the heavy steel door.
The sound makes you frown.
It’s dark and melancholic. The cadence is sloppy and the notes bleed into one another like muddled watercolor paints. There is no real melody to speak of, no cohesive thought binding the chords together. They hang in the air overhead like a line of mismatched laundry.
It doesn’t sound anything like the beautiful music Yoongi makes when he sits down at his piano. The lovely, lilting melodies he pulls from the instrument after you’ve both slept in and made love on Sunday afternoons.
That observation alone is enough to give you pause about what awaits you on the other side of that steel door. Never mind that it’s three o’clock in the fucking morning.
You take a deep breath and slide your key into the lock.
Behind the heavy door, your apartment is shrouded in blackness.
In the dark, the couches and lamps and artwork are reduced to rudimentary shapes and outlines. You drop your bag and coat on the table in the foyer, peering into nothingness until your eyes slowly adjust.
Until the man you love finally takes shape.
Yoongi is hunched over his piano, dark hair falling into his face as one hand pounds carelessly away at the keys. The instrument produces a series of sounds so mournful they make goosebumps bloom up the line of your back. Slivers of moonlight slip between the gaps in the curtains, casting shadows across his silhouette.
You take a few cautious steps closer and the finer details start to come into focus.
The rocks glass gripped tight in his free hand. The papers strewn haphazardly across the piano’s lid. All around him the air seems unsettled, crackling with a dangerous energy that makes the hairs at the nape of your neck stand on end.
Then music comes to an abrupt stop.
“I waited up for you.”
He speaks without so much as a glance in your direction, the sound of his voice strangely foreign. There’s a hollow quality to it you haven’t heard before, some peculiar disconnect between the words and the man speaking them.
“I see that,” you say slowly, stepping closer. “Did you want the neighbors to wait up for me, too?”
Yoongi doesn’t laugh at your jab. Doesn’t do or say anything at all, just continues staring down at the keys.
Your heart starts to pound a bit faster.
You close the distance that remains and slide into the empty space beside him, close enough now to breathe him in. Close enough to make out the scent of his damp hair, the spice of the aftershave clinging to his skin. Close enough to smell the whiskey he exhales with every heavy breath.
“Sorry,” he mutters. “Guess I’m a little fucked up.”
Guess so. You could count the number of times you’ve seen Yoongi drunk on one hand and you’ve never seen him drunk like this. Like he’s trying to drink himself numb. Like he’s trying to drink himself to blackout.
“It’s okay,” you lie, as if anything about this scene you’ve walked into is okay. “Happens to the best of us sometimes.” You reach a hand out to brush the hair away from his eyes, breath catching in your throat when he turns to face you.
He looks like he’s been to hell and back tonight.
Eyes haunted and skin pallid but for the ruddy whiskey flush across his nose and cheeks. He holds your gaze for only a few heartbeats before looking away. Like he’s embarrassed to be in this state. Like he’s embarrassed for you to see him this way.
Worry immediately climbs up your throat and threatens to claw its way out of your mouth, but you take a deep breath and force it back down. You stroke your fingers across Yoongi’s brow, sweep them over the curve of his jaw. He leans into the touch and catches your hand with his, turning his face to press a soft kiss to your fingertips.
“Yoongi, did – did something happen to you tonight?”
Your stomach twists at the pained expression that comes over him, at the way his eyes fall shut like he’s trying to push away a terrible thought. His grip on your hand tightens and so does your chest.
“Yoongi?”
“Listen, Doc,” he breathes, “There’s something I need to talk to you about.”
That awful twisting in your stomach sharpens. If you hadn’t known something was wrong – horribly wrong – before this very moment, you certainly know it now. You watch with your heart in your throat as Yoongi sets his whiskey down to reach for the papers strewn across the top of the piano. He presses them into your hands and you stare down at them, afraid to look too closely at the fine print.
“Look at me,” he commands quietly, and you immediately snap your eyes up to meet his. “This is important. This is everything. My accounts, the investments. This apartment and two properties in Daegu. It’s all here.”
The room goes quiet as Yoongi gives you a moment to absorb his words. As the meaning in them slowly begins to crystallize inside your brain. He watches the realization wash over you with a troubling calm, completely composed as you begin to stare back at him in wide-eyed horror.
“If anything happens to me, you take this money and you get the hell out of Seoul,” he continues evenly, as though the two of you are discussing dinner plans or something equally as innocuous. “You buy a house on Jeju and you spend the rest of your life working on your tan. Do whatever you want with it. But it’s all yours.”
Now you think you might be sick.
“Tell me what is going on.” Your voice comes out brittle as spun sugar, barely audible over the heartbeat now pounding violently in your ears. “You can’t just come home and say – ”
“The first thing you do is go to Namjoon. He can walk you through everything. He has copies of –”
“Yoongi, please –”
“Hoseok has copies, too. Just as a backup,” he keeps talking like he can’t hear you at all, undeterred by your rising panic. “They can have cash to you that same day if you’re strapped. Plus the rentals in Daegu have –”
“Yoongi, listen to me – ”
“So it’s not like it’s a finite amount of money. There will be more coming in every –”
“Stop!” You’re shouting now, barely able to think around the noise in your head. “What – what the hell is wrong with you?”
You stare at him in utter disbelief at how easily these words seem to come to him. By how unaffected he seems to be while speaking your worst fears out loud. It has to be the whiskey that’s making him like this. It has to be the reason he can sit here and calmly lay out a blueprint for his death while you’re falling apart in slow-motion.
But he’s not calm anymore, is he? Not now. Not if the spark of anger that lights behind his eyes is any indication. Your outburst seems to have jarred Yoongi out of whatever bizarre state you found him in. Now the set of his jaw is hard. Now his dark eyes bore into yours, the intensity in them unnerving.
“Let’s just talk about this in the morning.” You swallow thickly and add,“You’re drunk and I’m exhausted and – ”
“We’re going to talk about this now,” Yoongi interrupts, in a tone so cold and flat it makes you shiver. “We’re done tiptoeing around the shit that makes us uncomfortable, Doc. We’re not doing that anymore.”
Tears sting at the corners of your eyes.
“I’m done letting you pretend that this situation is normal. Because it isn’t. You need to get it through your head that every single time I walk out that door there’s a good chance I might not come back.”
He could have slapped you and it would hurt less.
It doesn’t matter that he’s right – about the way you lie to yourself about the risks he’s taking. About the way you don’t allow your mind to dwell on what he’s doing when you wake up and he’s not there. It doesn’t matter that he’s right about the hundreds of ways you’ve come up with to avoid the uncomfortable truth. It still hurts like hell to hear him spell it out so plainly.
“This money – ” Yoongi pauses to drag a hand over his face, “ – This money is the one fucking thing I can do for you if I’m not here, Doc.”
You let your eyes fall to the papers in your hands, the fine print you’d barely been able to see just a few minutes before now painfully clear. Line after line after line of numbers – numbers so long you’re afraid to acknowledge where they begin and where they end. Numbers so long they seem ludicrous. You don’t even know where to begin wrapping your mind around this kind of wealth.
And it means nothing to you. Not without him.
Tears start to fall against your will. Angry tears you try to hide but Yoongi sees them anyway. He reaches for you, tipping your chin up with his fingers and swiping at your cheeks with one calloused thumb.
You sit there with watery eyes and a battered heart and watch as the change comes over him. As the fire in him dies out and the frustration slowly drains from his features. He strokes your face until the storm behind his eyes ebbs away completely, leaving only remorse. Regret.
“God, I’m sorry, Doc,” he breathes, leaning his forehead against yours. “I’m so, so sorry.” He presses kisses to the bridge of your nose, your wet lashes, your hair. “I’m such an asshole, God, I’m so sorry.”
You don’t say anything. Not until you’re sure you’re not crying anymore, not trembling anymore. You wait until you feel strong enough to use your voice without falling apart all over again and then pull away to look him in the eye.
“Why are you so angry, Yoongi?” You dab at your damp cheeks with one sleeve and straighten your spine, lift your chin. “Why are you so angry with me?”
Yoongi exhales deeply as he takes the papers out of your hands and wraps his arms around you. He pulls you in close, close enough to feel the way his heart is hammering inside his chest. Close enough to feel the way his throat works as he swallows over and over and over again before he speaks.
“I’m not angry, Doc,” he says after a while, voice thick with emotion. “I’m afraid.”
He’s passed out by the time you get out of the shower, face pressed deep into his pillow.
You dig in his drawer until you find his oldest, softest t-shirt – the one with the hole in the neck – and then you slip it on. You slide beneath the covers and press yourself to him; bury your face into his back. He doesn’t stir.
I’m afraid.
Yoongi’s words echo in your mind as you lie there in the dark praying for sleep to take you. You think about all of the horrible shit he’s confessed to you after a hard night, all the truly terrifying shit you’d only gotten wind of after a night of beers with one of the loose-lipped maknaes. Not once has Yoongi ever uttered those words to you.
Not once has he ever admitted to being afraid.
You lie there in the dark and try not to think about what that means. Try not to run down the list of terrible possibilities, one by one. You lie there for what feels like forever, certain that sleep will never come.
But eventually, it does.
You wake to the sound of the shower running.
A quick pass of your palm over the sheets beside you finds them still warm, so you slide over a bit – burrowing into that part of the bed that still smells like him. You lie there and listen to the water fall until you can finally summon the will to move.
Your hair is wild this morning on account of sleeping on it wet. It mocks you from the mirror as you brush your teeth, as you comb through it with your fingers, trying to tame the flyaway strands. Yoongi’s worn t-shirt skims the tops of your legs, the soft, tattered edges brushing against your thighs.
This is how he finds you when he opens the bathroom door – dressed in his ragged hand-me-downs, hair chaotic, a mouthful of fluoride foam. He stops to lean in the threshold and your eyes rake over the beads of water still clinging to his skin, the towel slung perilously low on his lean hips.
“Hey.”
Steam billows out from the open bathroom door and Yoongi shoves a hand into his wet hair, brushing back the curtain of dark strands that fall into his eyes. They tumble right back into place, disobedient. You spit and rinse.
“Hey yourself,” you reply slowly, unsure of where he’s landed this morning after all the emotion of last night. Probably a bit unsure of where you’ve landed, too. “How are you feeling?”
“Not as bad as I probably should,” he admits, rubbing at the back of his neck.
He steps closer and you force yourself not to look down, not to be distracted in any way by the dusting of hair that starts low on his abdomen and disappears beneath the terry cloth knot. You can feel the heat radiating off his skin, but fight the instinct to curl into it.
“I’m sorry about last night, Doc,” he says quietly. His eyes are clearer this morning, but the sadness still lingers. “I was way out of line.”
You shrug, toeing at a non-existent spot on the gleaming marble. “Yeah.”
“I shouldn’t have ambushed you like that,” he says. “I wasn’t thinking straight.”
“I know.”
“I’ve been meaning to talk to you about this for a long time and – I think I just kind of lost my shit. I should have done better.”
He cups your face in his hand and tilts your chin up, compelling you to look him in the eye.You find his gaze turbulent – some strange mix of contrition, arousal. Fear.
“Last night – ” he stops to blow out a heavy breath, “ – Was a shitshow, Doc. Hoseok was two steps away from taking a slug straight to the head. Everyone was shooting. It was fucking chaos.”
Suddenly it feels as though you’ve swallowed a spoonful of sand.
“But he’s, okay? Right? He’s not – ”
“No, he’s not,” Yoongi breaks in, saving you from having to voice the rest of that thought out loud. He drags the rough pad of his thumb over your bottom lip. “He’s okay.”
“What about the others?”
“They’re okay, too.”
“What about you?”
Yoongi’s entire body tenses at that question. His hand drops away from your face and the muscles in his shoulders and arms stiffen as he takes a half-step back. He sucks in a breath so sharp you nearly hold your own in response.
“I’m not going to push you,” you explain, tucking a wayward strand of hair behind your ear. “If you’re not ready to talk about it, you’re not ready. But if you tell me you’re afraid, then I’m going to ask you why, Yoongi. You have to know that.”
Yoongi drags a hand down his face, the tips of his ears pinking as a flush branches across his chest, his neck. You can’t help but feel like you’ve embarrassed him and the guilt is instantaneous, sinking in your stomach like a stone.
“I’m sorry,” you whisper. “Really. We don’t have to do this right now. I can give you some space.”
You turn to make good on your promise, but you don’t get far. Yoongi catches your wrist with one hand, pulling you back to him with a firm grasp. “Don’t go,” he insists, dark eyes pleading.
“Then I won’t,” you promise. “Tell me what you need and I will do it, Yoongi. I swear it.”
He nods slowly, chest rising and falling with the series of steadying breaths he takes before he speaks.
“I went a really long time without anything to lose,” he starts. “It never mattered if I was out in the streets taking stupid risks every night because the only person who ever counted on me is me. Now all I can think about is you. What’s going to happen to you if I fuck up out there and get myself killed.”
“Then don’t get yourself killed.”
The words come out strained, despite your best attempt to make them sound lighthearted.
“It’s more than just that, Doc,” he persists, tongue slipping out to wet his lips. “Sometimes I worry that there will come a day when you wake up and decide this is too much for you. That it’s not what you signed up for.”
Your heart seizes painfully inside your chest. “No.” You shake your head vehemently, rejecting the notion with your entire body. “I won’t. I couldn’t.”
“The truth is that I can’t remember how I used to process all this bullshit before you. Now I think I have no idea how to do it without you. And that’s – ” He trails off, letting the thought hang in the air.
“Scary,” you murmur.
“Terrifying,” he corrects.
“Look at me, Yoongi,” you insist, stopping to swallow past the tightness in your throat. “I know what I signed up for. I know who you are. And I don’t want anyone or anything else. I’m not going anywhere.”
He takes you off balance with his kiss. It’s frantic, frenzied – tongue in your mouth, lips at your ear, teeth at your pulse point. You gasp when he crushes his towel-clad hips to yours, the swollen outline of his cock already growing against your belly.
“I love you so fucking much, Doc.”
Yoongi growls the words into your mouth, blunt fingertips digging into the rounded curves of your ass. You free your hands long enough to tug at the towel around his hips until it falls away, snaking your fingers between your bodies to seek him out. Yoongi hisses when you wrap your warm palm around his cock, grip tight as you stroke him from base to tip.
“I need you, Yoongi. Right now.” You whisper the admission against the corner of his mouth, one hand guiding his cock to the juncture of your thighs. He shudders when he realizes you’re bare beneath his old, thin t-shirt, as you slide the length of him against the slippery heat that’s already pooling between your legs.
“So fucking wet already,” he gasps, the muscles of his stomach straining when you rock against him, slicking him with the moisture between your thighs. He shoves impatiently at the hem of your t-shirt, swearing under his breath as he tears it over your head without a single care for its fragile state. Then he tongues at both your nipples, gets them messy and wet before taking one of them between his teeth.
You whine at the drag of his tongue, at the rough way he toys with it until the peak is stiff and throbbing in his mouth. His hips rock faster against yours, cock now gliding easily through your wetness. Your inner thighs are slick with it and when Yoongi takes your other nipple into his mouth you can feel yourself grow even wetter.
You dig your hands into his damp hair.
“Yoongi, oh god, yes – ” you gasp, when he adjusts the angle of his slide so that he’s stroking against your clit. He likes the praise, he always has – and he drives closer, harder, just to hear you gasp again.
“I gotta get inside of you,” he mutters, cock twitching when your hands find and squeeze the muscles of his lean ass. “Right now, before I come like this.”
You release him from the vice grip of your thighs and turn around for him, pressing your palms flat to the counter. In the mirror, you watch as he runs one appreciative hand down the slope of your back. His fingers linger on the curve of your ass for a moment before he slides them lower, slipping two fingers inside of you.
Your hips jolt at the friction and Yoongi swears under his breath again.
In front of you, Yoongi’s reflection looks serious, brows knit in concentration as he slowly fucks you with his fingers. A flush spreads across his chest and up his neck as he works you, one hand pressed into the small of your back while his other hand stays buried inside your cunt.
“Yoongi,” you beg, arching your back to push harder against the heel of his hand, “Please just fuck me already.”
He chuckles darkly, slipping his fingers out of you. Then the slick sounds begin. You watch him in the mirror as he strokes his cock, jerking roughly at the blunt head before he’s pressing it to your entrance.
Then he’s pushing forward, sinking that first thick inch and your body gives way with little resistance. You’re so wet he buries himself to the hilt with one fluid thrust.
“Oh, fuck,” he groans, pulling out all the way to the tip and burying himself again. “Shit, that’s so fucking good.”
He experiments with that same stroke a few times, reveling in the way your whimper each time he bottoms out. But he needs more, you need more, and after a while he abandons the slow, torturous pace and sets to fucking you with determination.
Your fingertips go as white as the bathroom counter.
He knows your body well by now, can bring you to the brink and back with just a few expert touches. The force of his thrusts makes you fold over and he uses the angle to his advantage, one hand gripping your ass tight as he fucks you and the other reaching for your clit. The combination of both touches has your legs shaking, the sound of his ragged panting sending a sharp spike of arousal directly to your core.
“Come for me,” he says from between clenched teeth. “You’re right there. I can feel it.”
He bends down to scrape his teeth against the back of your neck, his strokes becoming more erratic with each thrust. And you arch harder into the press of his fingers. Then you are coming, so damn hard your arms give out and you collapse against the counter, body pliant and weak.
Yoongi rides out his own release only a heartbeat later. Between his heavy breaths, you hear him say your name.
Your real name.
The human body is a remarkable thing.
It’s incredibly resilient; capable of withstanding terrible trauma. Designed to mend muscle, seal skin and fuse bone.
The scar that sits just below Yoongi’s clavicle is well-healed by now, barely visible at a distance. But you can feel it – what little evidence remains of both crisis and cure. You run a fingertip over the raised skin and marvel at the tiny dips and dents that live just above and just below the surface. Perfect in its imperfection.
Yoongi cracks one eye open to steal a look at you, quiet as he watches you absentmindedly map the faint line of his scar. The shower steam has evaporated now, leaving a chill lingering in the air. He draws the sheets draped around you both a bit tighter.
“This give you any trouble lately?” you ask.
“Nah. I noticed it a bit last week when it rained, but it hasn’t bothered me much since then.”
That’s another thing about the body. It forgives, but it doesn’t always forget. Pain can simmer just beneath the surface for a lifetime following an injury and some people even feel pain in limbs they no longer have. All it takes is the right trigger and all that hurt can feel fresh again.
Perhaps that’s true for more than just the body.
“You were right last night,” you admit, burying your face into the crook of his arm. “Sometimes it scares me so much to think about what you’re up against out there that it’s just easier to pretend it’s not real.”
Yoongi pulls you a bit tighter into his side, turns his head to press a kiss to the wild mass of your hair.
“Right or not, it was still a pretty fucked up way to go about talking to you about it,” he murmurs. “I don’t want you walking around every day waiting to get a call. That’s no way to live.”
Sometimes you don’t know how he does it. How he can leave this bubble of contentment the two of you have created together to go out there and walk a thin line between life and death. Sometimes you don’t know how he manages to keep one foot in that world and one foot in yours without fracturing in two.
The comfortable space you’ve settled into against him shifts as he takes a deep breath.
“You’re not going to fight me on this thing with the money, right?”
“No,” you sigh. “I’m not going to fight you about the money. I know why you did what you did.”
“Good.”
“But if I’d known you were sitting on that much money, we would have had that argument on a yacht instead of in this apartment.”
Your smart mouth earns you a pinch to the side and you yelp, pinned in place by Yoongi’s iron grip.
“That hurt.”
“It was supposed to hurt.”
Yoongi’s mouth curves into a lazy grin as you glare at him.
“Funny. Anyway if I were you, I’d be sleeping with one eye open, Min. I might off you myself and get a beach house and a pool boy.”
“I would haunt that motherfucker.”
The two of you share a laugh at that – a good one, the kind of laugh you feel from your scalp all the way to the tips of your toes. But after a while the laughter subsides. The humor slowly seeps out of Yoongi’s face. His dark eyes go serious.
“Hey,” he whispers, cupping your face in one hand. He looks down at you with such sincerity that your heart trips inside your chest. “I’m not going anywhere. You know that right?”
It’s not a lie. Not really. He means it when he says it, though both of you know it’s a promise he’s not in any position to make. But you’ll believe it, for him. For you, too.
You close your eyes and press your cheek to his chest; allow yourself to savor the feel of his solid warmth.
“Yes,” you breathe. “I know.”
hi i actually wrote something and i'm feeling very happy about this. thank you for reading i hope you find an extra $20 in your pocket 💕
you ever read angst so beautiful it feels like you’ve put your heart on a stick and watched it beat in the best way possible? Now you have !
Yet another amazing piece of art from my (and yours very soon) favorite author. As I’m posting this (08/18/2022) there is only part one out, but the author says that part two is in the works !
Read this and be prepared to be literary-ly kicked in the chest and beg for a punch too
…𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙘𝙤𝙢𝙥𝙖𝙧𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧𝙨𝙚𝙡𝙛 𝙩𝙤 𝙝𝙞𝙢…
• type: bts x f! reader • masterlist • about: angst! discusses themes of abandonment and inadequacy
• tagging: @introlxv; @pinkcherrybombs • pictures taken from Pinterest
• a/n: It's raining a lot here today so I was just lingering around what comparing yourself feels like
NAMJOON: "There's honestly no way to undersell your influence," the woman gushes on and it's like you don't exist. Joon is giving her the trademarked, polite smile, one of neutrality. It means nothing. But also at this moment, you mean nothing.
"You went to the White House and the UN, and now you're visiting my little gallery! Gosh, it's such an honour."
"Ah, it's...it was unprecedented. I'm just doing what I love, it's the people I should be thankful for. They helped me to get to these heights."
"Don't be so modest!" she pats his arm, perhaps lingering a tad too long but where once there would be a kindling flame of jealousy, there's nothing now. Her words have poured a bucket of ice-cold water soaked with a certain realization, washing away all happiness of the day.
You can't compare.
You won't ever compare.
"I have a private screening of the latest works. Usually, I wouldn't reveal such a thing, but you're Kim Namjoon!"
He takes a step back, sporting quite the awkward stance. Because this is Namjoon. He's polite. Tries to not show judgement upon anyone else. Like you, for example.
"I was actually preoccupied -" he waves at where you've been standing mute and unmoving whilst whatever this was unfolded.
"Oh, your secretary!" all too confident the owner of the gallery calls out and you can only muster to stand there. No strength left to argue.
"She's not my se-" Namjoon fruitlessly sputters but the lady waves his indignance away.
"Are you familiar with the work of contemporary artists?"
"No," you truthfully reply. They were but colours to you.
"Oh, not very educated in this field, are you?" she coos in a farce of sympathy and blankly you shrug.
"No."
"Well, then, let's go. This level of art needs viewers of...worldly inhibitions."
Her long red nails sink into Namjoon's beige shirt, one you gave him on his birthday, like a reborn harpy of old tales. He looks back at you, eyebrows furrowed in million confused questions but you quietly wish him to have fun. His educated, smart fun, remaining to stand there in the middle of a fancy art gallery. And you can't stop thinking about that shirt and laughing dryly to yourself. A multimillion pop singer, donating his money to art galleries, collecting masterpieces, visiting presidents and here you were gifting him shirts because that's all you could afford.
"What are your thoughts on this piece?" a stranger approaches you all of a sudden probably thinking that just because you were here you belonged here, that you earned your spot here when in truth you were just someone Namjoon dragged along.
And with a carving, empty feeling you don't see any reason at all why would he do such a thing.
"It's beige," you breathe thinly, glimpsing at the painting on the wall and he leaves upon hearing the simplistic answer. Figures.
YOONGI: "Already thirty and still unmarried? Is there no one in your life?"
He looks almost apologetic into the camera. A glimpse lasting a second, travelling through infinite miles as if he knew you were watching.
"No," he lies. "No there is no one."
He lies for your safety because it's what he has to do. It's what you agreed to but right now you couldn't name a worse feeling to have than to be called nonexistent. A ghost. A void, not a living human being occupying space and deserving it.
"No way," your cousin laughs loudly across the table. "No way this guy is dating you!"
"It's true," you object poking at the plate of dinner you have no intention of eating anymore. Her words have created a gaping hole in your stomach, that honestly had been churning away for longer than you had noticed.
"What's he doing with you then? A charity?"
"Keep your mouth shut!" her mother hisses sharply but bolstered by the many wine glasses, she drones on.
"What? I'm just stating what we're all thinking. This is what? Just a reprieve, a cleanser! He'll have his fun with you and then will marry a supermodel or a singer. Cause it's what they all do. No rich person marries a commoner."
Yoongi is not like that. You knew he was not like that. He liked to eat tangerines by your side and fix the broken shelves, night upon night he'd cried how he just wanted to make music but be that as it may his life was set.
And a quiet librarian was in no sort of way part of cameras and red carpets.
And he'll have to say it time and time again that you did not exist.
And you feel like you don't.
The night is empty and cold with the house gone deathly quiet. The water runs underneath your hands as you scrape the dishes - to have something to do, to not be consumed by the gaping wound of being hidden away. Like a scab almost.
A phone rings.
"How was the dinner?" he immediately asks, sounding a bit rushed. "Sorry, I couldn't make it this time."
Or the time before that and the one before that, and a hundred others in the past, making you seem like a lonely ghost wailing false moans that you were loved by a star. He was an innocent idol onto whom you had delusionally pushed your need of companionship, pictures could be downloaded, and lies could be spun.
And as far as most people knew - you did not exist.
"It was fine," you answer monotonous. There's a wobble in your lip so you have to really frown to not let it spill.
"I didn't mean it. None of what I said. It's just something I have -"
"- to do," you finish for him and your voice wavers. "Yeah, I get it. Listen I have to go, alright."
"Wait, no-!" you drop the phone and lean over the sink, swallowing down tears. Pulling a determined breath, you wash the remaining dishes in complete silence and no one calls or talks to you anymore.
JIN: "Yeah, right," the front desk lady sneers. "Get out of here, freak."
"I'm literally handing you my ID. You saw me before!"
If only any proverbs were ever listened to. A wise saying once claimed to not judge a book by a cover. What a wonderful world would it be if it was actually listened to.
Dripping rainwater and mud, you scoffed, frustrated and just wanting to lie down. It had been an exhausting day. The kind where you regret ever waking up.
"Do you not have a register or something? This guy literally is vouching for me."
You point at the gardener of Jin's apartment building and he nods, eyes full of compassion. He was a good guy.
"It's true she was here and the day before that."
"So, you're a hooker. I'm not letting you up. Just look at yourself."
Look at yourself. Those words were like an axe to your head. A dull blade swinging time and time again as you bent your knee at the podium.
Wherever you went they reverberated like ripples in a lake.
"Just look at yourself," one woman sneered while you went to the bathroom at a party with Jin.
"Really look at yourself. You must think you have some sort of inner beauty? People like you make me sick! You're all delusional," and she had stormed off, face warped in such contempt as though you'd done something wrong. But you just stood here.
"Don't listen to her," you told your reflection but the eyes looking back were tired. "You did nothing wrong."
You can only insist that you did nothing wrong but no one listens. Certainly not the cops shoving you in the van on the charges of stalking.
The holding cell is very cold and you're freezing, wet hair seemingly lowering your body temperature even more.
"HOW DARE YOU?" Jin's voice rings even down the hallway. "WHAT SORT OF COUNTRY IS THIS WHERE INNOCENT PEOPLE GET ARRESTED?!"
"We apologize, sir, but the front desk worker phoned in as it was susp-"
"IS SHE THE CHIEF OF THE POLICE?! YOU JUST CARRY OUT THE ORDERS OF SOME RANDOM WOMAN?! LET MY GIRLFRIEND GO THIS INSTANT!"
The doors open and stiffly you clamber out, immediately swarmed by Jin's warm embrace.
"Don't think I'll let this go so easy," he growls at the nearby officer before guiding you away.
"I'm so sorry, honey, it won't ever happen again," he strokes your head all the way home but the cold doesn't dissipate. It's all a blur and you're just so very tired.
"What are you doing?" Jin asks gently opening the bathroom doors where you finished taking a warm shower as he had ordered. You wipe the steam off the mirror. The shoulders are hunched and there's no spark. Just another face in the proverbial crowd.
"Just looking at myself."
HOSEOK: It's nothing that anyone says. They think it, you can certainly tell by the snide glances occasionally thrown at where you're standing, but they don't dare to say it. The rest of the group is here and they wouldn't tolerate any off-hand remarks just as much as Hoseok himself.
But they don't need to say it. No one needs to do anything. You just have to look.
He's swarmed by celebrities, the A-listers, the top of the top, all celebrating the genius of his album and they blush as he pays they some attention. Because he's not just a celebrity, he's the top celebrity, he's what the people above aspired to be. And he wants this, he wants more of this.
And you don't belong here.
You don't belong here at all.
Like a piece of furniture or a fallen decoration, you stand in the corner invisible. The scarce attempts of talking all ended with an awkward side glance. The one given to friends, saying: "who invited her?" They excuse themselves with gritted teeth, sometimes just simply walking away and you stand by the side, admiring and not participating. How could you when this was not your world? But it's his and amidst all the fans and all the meetings, even Hoseok has forgotten you're here.
You don't belong here. You don't want to be here. Didn't want to see anyone ever again.
"Where are you off to?" a voice asks and you peek underneath the table, surprised to see Jin's head poke through. His phone light illuminates the hiding spot with flashing bright colours of a nameless webtoon.
"Just need some air," you answer emptily before pointing at the device. "You're having fun there?"
"Ah, I don't want to meet anyone," he whines and you offer a small, meaningless smile.
"I get that."
He glances up and you think he sees something in the way your eyes gaze grayly around, observing but not seeing. Though in the end, he says nothing and you're free to walk on the street. The music of Hoseok's album party pours out even there but at least it's dull. Another world now.
You push your hands deep into the jacket and not wanting to return to an empty apartment, end up in a 24/7 convenience store. It's cheap and common. Your spot, a planet familiar.
"Rough night?" the guy at the counter asks as you quietly slurp a cup of noodles on a rickety chair nearby.
"You probably had it rougher," you point out at the 2 am flashing on the clock hung behind him. He only shrugs.
"Not really. People leave me alone during night shifts and to be honest during day shifts as well. It's like I don't exist."
You frown at the red noodles and there's nothing but an empty pang in your chest. It's not one of hunger you realize now.
"Yeah. Me too."
JIMIN: The day is long and weary. Your legs ache and your apron is stained with dry milk. You're trying very hard to not cry in the break room and then you see him and you want to cry yourself to death. Be the princess that drowned in her own tears.
He's beautiful, the literal "It" boy of the nation. Kind, gorgeous, determined and you're crying in the break room.
The TV shoved in the corner has no sound but you don't need it. It's plenty enough seeing him laugh generously on the main story of the day, one discussing his success.
"Good day, sir, how ma-"
"Iced espresso," he interrupts and doesn't spare you even a single glance. You're just a machine here to obey. Nothing more.
"Damn, ________, you're still here?" a coworker asks, tying her apron hastily around. "I thought you applied for that new job?"
"Yeah, well, they rejected me," you explain lifelessly, face turned away.
"Is there no one else?"
"Yeah, and they rejected me as well. And all the other thirty places I applied."
She sucks in a breath through her teeth.
"Damn, that sucks. Still, don't keep your nose low, you might end up staying here forever."
Yes, that's just what you might end up doing. Someone had to be at the bottom of the barrel. Someone always had to do the dirty job you just never assumed it'd be you. That it'd be you who'd be the failure.
"She's a surgeon, you know," your mother says on the phone and you scuff your shoe against the tile ground.
"Yes, I know."
"Since this degree of yours didn't work out, you might apply to study something useful you know like a lawyer."
"Mom, I don't want to be a lawyer."
"Do you want to be a barista all your life? Because this art degree is certainly accomplishing that. And you're not marrying a rich man."
"What if I did?" you snap back spitefully.
"Well, then I'd be embarrassed to have a daughter whose such a liability."
"I have to go."
You're trying really hard to not cry but it's not quite working.
"I'm not a liability," you mutter underneath your breath but it feels like a lie in your mouth.
"Hey,______, we need you out here. It's a madhouse!" the frazzled head of your coworker pops in and all you can do is wipe your face and raise your aching legs once more.
"Good evening, ma'am! What would you like-"
"Iced espresso," she orders without looking up from her phone. You nod.
"Can you take the register?" you whisper to your colleague switching places.
"Why?" she furrows her brows.
"Just don't want to talk anymore."
Thankfully, she only nods curtly and you're free to do what is needed, alone and unbothered.
It's evening already but Jimin is still on the news and he smiles brightly as the sun. You don't even remember when was the last time you met him in real life, held his hand in yours. Last time he felt like a real person and not just someone you can look at through the screen.
"This dude really has it all," your coworker mutters underneath her breath whilst counting the register once there's no one in the sight.
"Yeah, he does."
TAEHYUNG: It's nothing but the truth to call jealousy a disease, a fatal one at that. Uncurable, unstoppable rot wrecking you from within. Never before had you looked at a video of your boyfriend and felt...felt bad. If bad was even a word to describe the awful hollow that washes the world grey.
The entire Paris screams for him, hell, maybe the whole of France. They talk of Lisa, Park Bo Gum and V. The infamous V. And they talk of Lisa, the A-lister, the star, the face of the fashion, the top girl of the top.
"You just have to work hard, okay," your mother always said. "You work hard and you can do anything."
It was such a comforting lie. Because you did work hard, you worked so hard it nearly crushed you and all it did was land you in an office cubicle, creating documents day upon day. Just like millions of others before you and like millions after you. Just an expendable tool.
You can't help it, because it's a disease, it's wearing down all the kindness in your heart, all your confidence and reducing you to a husk slumbering on the bed. What did they have that you didn't?
As a sick sort of punishment, you continue watching the video. V is getting quite cosy with the other celebrities, the 1%, the people not doing the office jobs, not doing the sowing of the fancy clothes they wore, not serving the drinks like the nameless waiters people treated as mindless robots. You ponder how horrible they must feel, how tired. The video suggests you want this, this is the world everyone should aspire to but it leaves a sour taste in your mouth and the fact that V is there makes it only more appalling. Because that is the fact. He was your boyfriend, Taehyung, the guy from a line of farmers, a simple guy who respected everyone but it's hard to see that Taehyung in V. The fashion icon, the creme de la creme sipping champagne far far away from you. He seems happy. Happier than he was when you parted.
Coincidentally, it's your birthday the next day and there are only three calls - your mother, your best friend and for some reason Jimin. Jimin who remembers it's your birthday before Taehyung or should you say V.
You get yourself a cake. It costs a pretty penny but it's cute and just this once you want to have nice things. Just this once. You take a picture of it, almost upload it on Instagram but then think better of it. Who cares what you post. It's there that you scroll upon a video of V cutting up a cake and you just know it's much more expensive than yours will ever be. This cake he seems almost bored with costs more than your life and it's given to him. Even if he would get it himself he wouldn't have to worry about the cost. It didn't matter how much you work hard, you will always have to worry about the cost.
In the end, you blow out the candle right there in the bakery and the girl working the register is the only one who claps. She asks what wish did you make, you answer none but secretly you just wish he would call. That he would remember of his girlfriend at home as low as she was.
He doesn't call but at least a video floating around the internet tells you he has a grand old time spinning around the pole with Lisa.
JUNGKOOK: "I don't like dispassionate people, I guess. I can't imagine how can one live without a goal. I'd rather die than live without passion."
It wasn't like Jungkook to be cruel and he probably didn't intend to be one as well but it still is cruel. Your own boyfriend just told everyone on national television that he doesn't like you. You're everything he loathes - the dreamless drifter, people who are just here.
"Why are you frowning?" a voice asks and you turn to look at him standing in the doorway with a frown. He must have said something before this but you hadn't heard. The mop in your hands lays still as you finish sweeping. Bam is there as well, his big brown eyes flickering in between both of you.
"Nothing," you reply quietly.
"No, it's something," he insists. "Don't lie."
"Why is passion so important to you?"
The frown on his face deepens and Bam begins to whine from the surging tension.
"I don't know," he laughs, sound falling strained and awkward. Because it's not funny. "It just is. I mean what's the point of life then? Hanging around? That's useless, isn't it?"
"I'm useless?"
His eyes widen for a fraction the second he understood his own words.
"I didn't mean you," he corrects but whether or not it's real or just in your perception, you don't think they sound sincere enough. It's just something he has to say.
"You just haven't found your passion yet."
"Because it doesn't exist!" you don't mean to yell. It upsets Bam, upsets you and most importantly it upsets Jungkook but he's never understood this. Never grasped that it's not the matter of you not finding your special devotion, it's because you simply didn't have one. And you're tired of trying to explain yourself over and over again.
"I don't care for jobs! I don't care about hobbies! I just want to live!"
"Okay," he brushes off passively. Not that he believes you, not that he listens to you at all, he just doesn't want to fight.
"Why is it so hard for you to comprehend that I don't have any aspirations? Yoongi -"
Abruptly he rolls his eyes, arms tightening around his chest.
"Again with Yoongi. Would you stop bringing him up?"
"Because he makes me feel heard! I don't have goals, I don't have great dreams and aspirations! Does that make my life meaningless?"
"What do you think?"
For a while, the only sound are the whines and the scraping of Bam's nails against the linoleum.
"You think my life is meaningless?" you echo breathlessly. Jungkook merely scowls at the floor.
"Right, who are we commoners against the mighty Jungkook? The millionaire, the young idol, right?"
"It's what my passion led me to," he mutters obstinately and for all intents and purposes, he might as well just have punched you in the gut.
"You won't achieve anything if you're just hanging around."
Exhaling a shaky breath you gather the most strength you ever needed.
"I have a dream, Jungkook, it is to live happily. And I'm not happy with you."
There's really, absolutely no way of knowing now either whether the flash in his eyes is out of fear or anger. They remain only as assumptions but what is an indisputable fact are the words spoken out loud.
"Well, I'm not happy with you, either."
The floor dries as you stand in front of this man, a stranger suddenly, one to whom you're too exhausted to defend yourself anymore.
"No, you can't come with me," you whisper to Bam who tries to squeeze the nose in through the door gap, tail wagging behind him. He must think you're going on a walk. How lovely animals were, they didn't care how you looked, who you were, or what you lived for. They simply were, and enjoyed life at its face value.
"You have to stay."
Bam is a sweetheart through and through but above all he's well behaved. His eyes are brimming with sadness but he does as he's told and steps away.
"I'll miss you, buddy."
"Enjoying the weekend?" the man at the local bakery friendly questions and you cast him a smile.
"Yeah, you know, appreciating the day."
"Ah, preach! It's nice to just enjoy yourself, isn't it?"
As you pay, your phone lights up and a picture of Jungkook flashes in front of you. Briefly, you break and zone out in his eyes. Weeks have passed, you should change it.
"Does that make my life meaningless?"
"What do you think?"
You shake yourself out of it and lock the phone.
"It is," you agree with the baker.
© soraviii, 2022