Audhd Things - Tumblr Posts

I have that kind of neurodivergence that makes me happy when my clocks are exactly 30.5 minutes ahead of what time it actually is

Forgettin wtf I posted and being surprise also confused af whenever I see people commenting is simultaneously hilarious and terrifying

People who don't hyperfixate will never know the slightly horrible, completely impossible-to-replicate feeling of being so intensely invested in something it possesses you, takes over your waking thoughts and rides some weird line between being excited, anxious, and stressed as hell while still being entirely some other beast.

Then don't 💕✨️ Live your authentic life being autistic. Get a new therapist that specializes in autism. Having someone explain to you why you do things the way you do it, and tell you IT'S OK, is pretty rad. Don't let people try to force you into a NT frame. 💕

Change

Is it such a radical statement to say I don't want to change? Is it so hard to understand that I don't want to force myself to make eye contact in an interview for a job I don't want? To drain my energy by talking to people I don't feel comfortable with?

My comfort zone is just that. I like it here. I don't want to leave. I want to get better at taking the bus, I want to get better at managing my panic attacks, but I don't feel the need to pressure people into being my friends or be dishonest about who I am, the way my parents and my therapist say I should.

I am in no way saying I want the world to change to better suit my needs. I would just like to be able to make small adjustments to make my immediate environment suck a little less butt without feeling judged. I don't want to just live with it. I don't want to let go of things that aren't a big deal. I don't want to calm down. I don't want to try to live an allistic life in an autistic body. I just want to exist peacefully.

Shout out to autistics who:

Don't know much about their special interests

Likes food commonly disliked by other autistics

Dislikes food commonly liked by other autistics

Enjoy social settings

Use sign language as their primary form of communication

Use diapers or have troubles with toileting

Like childish things or age regress

Are unable to work

Are unable to figure out their gender

man I wish people understood how much it sucks ass to be neurodivergent and trying to find the middle ground where people like/tolerate you. like, I'm either "boring" (trying to wait my turn in conversations, holding space for other people, taking a back seat to let others get some spotlight) or "too much" (too loud/talking too much, getting excited to share, trying to participate in group conversations/activities). No one really talks about how much of being neurodivergent is just sort of trying to make yourself palatable.

I feel like so much of my life has been spent trying to find this effortless sort of middle ground everyone else seems to automatically already know, and I'm always swinging too far one way or the other. I'm lucky to have neurodivergent friends who grok me, but goddamn I wish that I could just like, exist without the constant background script in my brain that's like "you're being too loud. You're not talking enough. you're being self-centered. you're being boring. you're wrong, you're wrong, you're wrong." I feel like I'm back in high school trying to make friends but stuck as the eternal "weird kid"

it's just... lonely and sucks bad.

Hey y'all I was just wondering, is it ok for me to self diagnose myself with AuDHD and Dyscalculia?

I've done lots of research on it and I check off a lot of boxes and I relate to a lot of the neurodivergent memes and characters

I noticed that I get along better with neurodivergent people and a few people in my life have mentioned that I might have AuDHD+Dyscalculia

I really want to get an official diagnosis but my mom could care less about helping me and I think it requires money (I'm poor ASF)

I did go to a place awhile back that said I was "mentally disabled" but they didn't say with what unfortunately....

Me:*Goes in the kitchen and grabs a glass out of the cabinet and puts glass on table and then goes to fridge to get the orange juice and pours in orange juice and put orange juice back in the cabinet and walks off*

Me:*Comes back to put the orange juice in the fridge*💀

Me:*Has spent the entire day hyper fixating on a new random story that I just came up with*

My lungs: "U DO KNOW YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BREATHE EVERY ONCE IN AWHILE RIGHT? YOU'RE WRITING A STORY, NOT FACING HITLER"

My muscles:"You're literally missing your daily workout -

My bladder:"U NEED TO PEE!"

My stomach:"Pls ....feed.....me....star ar starving-"

My hair:"U haven't brushed in weeks -

My Mom:"Honey u need to sleep... it's been years"

My whole body:"You're literally overheating and dehydrated 💀" (it's really hot today)

Do you guys have a grounding box? What kinds of things do you use if so?

We do!! Though, we call it our sensory box. It's got a large mix of things we've collected over the years (and I do mean years.. we've got a baby rattle in here from childhood, lol)

essential oils and candles for scent based grounding

fidget toys: chewy things, pointy things, fidget spinners, fidget cubes, head scratcher, pop-it, putty

a kaleidoscope

stuffies: including three peas in a pod that we can throw at stuff without doing damage if someone's angry

puzzles: Rubik's Cube, one of those ball pushy things, and a couple metal puzzles

self harm alternatives: acupressure bracelets and rings, silicone slap bands, and some random keys haha

and a letter from my mum about how much she loves us (as a system)

and the box is decorated with things that make us happy!!

I'm getting increasingly frustrated with my unawareness of time. There have been times where I swear I just... blinked... and a couple of days have passed.

Did I eat? 🤷‍♀️ Did I do anything important? 🤷‍♀️ Did I take my medication? Probably not. But happening constantly. Days. Weeks. Months. Pass by and I just... have no idea what I've done. I've obviously existed? But what else? No idea. ✌🏻🫠

The friend finally randomly replied.... with the typical conversation occurring of

Me: *reaches out*

Her: *leaves on read for a few days then replies* I was distant because I thought you should reflect on your actions.

Me: What actions??

Her: The fact you dont even know is why I distanced.

Me: I'm sorry. You didnt tell me something upset you so how would I know? People dont always know something they do or say upsets you. Thats something you have to communicate so we can clear the air/work on it.

Her: Here we are again with you simply not knowing youre wrong. It's all here in our chat.

Me: You. Didnt. Tell. Me. But also it's in the chat? You mean the chat where I told you that you upset me with how you spoke to me? The chat where I bared my heart and mind about having pots and being neurodivergent? About how you treated my medical issues and mental struggles as character flaws instead of what they are, medical conditions? How you spoke to me in a very ableist manner repeatedly when I tried in vain to explain that I wasnt blowing you off xyz times because I didnt care but that because I was having flare ups in symptoms? THAT chat? Because you getting upset that I was honest with you about how you made me feel and why is your problem not mine.

You being a neurotypical, indirect, ableist, holier than thou, MEANIE, is your problem not mine. I was sitting here grieving the loss of a long-time friendship for 2 months because you couldn't be bothered to communicate with me like an adult. I literally do not understand people. I dont understand how you think the way you're treating me is totally okay. I was depressed as fuck but now I'm just more hurt and angry.

Angry that you refuse to accept that someone you were friends with for years decided to confide in you that they were autistic+adhd+pots. Officially verbalizing it. To you. And you just.... shut me out like I was trash. How fucking dare you. How absolutely fucking dare you.

I'm heartbroken, still. Which you don't deserve. I'll miss you terribly. Which you dont deserve. My kids will miss your kids, which is depressing for them as I have a total of 3 mom friends with kiddos their age which is now only 2 I guess. (Not including my new tumblr mom bestie who we havent actually chatted chatted cuz, I'm shy as fuck in the beginning of friendships. But I digress.)

I just.... I'm so hurt. I am so hurt. She doesn't.... even understand how hurtful she is and that's worse. Fucking ironic considering I communicate with her clearly about what upsets me and why and yet it simply doesnt sink in what I'm saying. She simply COULDNT be the reason I'm upset and hurt.

I can't even think anymore right now. This is too much. Honestly I was starting to accept the no contact and her replying with more ableist shit just reopened the wound.

Neurotypicals be like: Just use a planner broooo

Sir, you don't get it. If I got a planner 1 out of 4 things is going to happen.

1. My demand avoidance will kick in and I would rather rip out every single strand of hair on my body one by one than fill out a to-do list.

Or

2. I actually get everything done from my planner, but my imposter syndrome kicks in and since I set those goals for myself even though I accomplished them, they mean nothing and are therefore not worthy of acknowledgement.

Or

3. I will fill out the planner and then forget it exists. So like who is going to remind me to check my planner or use my planner to begin with?

Or

4. The worst of them all, I will end up with a planner filled with things I gotta do, remember it, not get anything done but with the extra guilt of not getting anything done.