Astarion Angst - Tumblr Posts

Crawl Home To Her

Ship: Astarion x fem!Tav/reader

Summary: As awful the feeling of blood on the skin is, sometimes it can be helpful, you have to admit. At least, when it comes to Astarion, blood is always helpful. You'll have to take his word for it—and that's oh so easy bathing with him.

Word Count: 5,461 words

Warnings: sexual content (18+) blood, gore, nudity, sexual & non-sexual touching, bathing each other, soft Astarion, established relationship, brief mention of past sexual encounter, dealing with past trauma, teasing from Karlach, mention of dismemberment, fluff & smut mix

18+ Warnings: brief fingering (f receiving), tiny bit of a hair kink, sensual touching, semi-public sex/nudity

Note: Part 2 of Burns Like Rum is coming soon! But here's a little something to tithe you over until the sequel (Sweet Like Rum) is ready!

☟ Continue below the fold ☟

Shafts of pale sunlight fell on your face as you walked through the forest, your arms swinging at your sides, small critters running amok in the bushes around you. Birdsong filled your ears, pleasantly light and summery, reminding you distantly of a childhood memory you couldn't quite reach. The weather was warm enough that you were thinking you might have to change into something lighter. The few weapons you had on you were already starting to make you break out into a sweat.

For a day that had started with murder, the weather was surprisingly nice.

You hummed as you walked—the song pulled from your childhood, the words long forgotten but pieces of the melody clunking around in your head. You strung them together the best you could, tapping out a rhythm against your leg.

You were on your way to the waterfall you'd spotted several days ago while hunting. It was small and nothing too violent. The pool it fell into wasn't deep enough to drown you, nor was the flow of water all that fast. You trusted it—and the rock ledge behind it—would suit your purposes quite nicely.

Coming upon the pool was like stepping into one of the fairytales you had heard in your youth, sitting upon your father's knee in a tavern, listening to a traveller tell a story you weren't sure was entirely true.

It was guarded by willow trees with branches that swayed in a breeze you hadn't felt until you came upon them. Pushing the curtain of branches away revealed an almost perfectly circular clearing, the ground covered in vibrant green moss that squished delightfully beneath your feet and sprung back up when you stepped off of it. Patches of flowers sprouted all around, pink and yellow and purple blooms that grew up to the sun. The pool was as blue as the sky above, clear and shallow, surrounded by a few feet of soft white sand. The water shimmered in the sunlight, rippling over the pebbles that covered its floor. From the pool, the water flowed into a thin river that could hardly be called a river and out into the woods.

You sat by the pool's edge and pulled off your boots. They were just as bloody as the rest of you, the sticky and quickly drying substance staining the black leather. You splashed water over them and scrubbed with a cloth you had designated for this purpose that had once been grey.

Only after your boots were clean did you stand back up and step into the soft sand. You wiggled your toes, smiling at the feeling. You breathed in the crisp, sweet air. It smelled faintly of flowers and citrus, a scent that was familiar, though you couldn't place it.

You stripped slowly, hissing and wincing as you tugged at the places where blood had stuck the fabric to your skin. It acted like glue when dry, staining your skin and leaving a mottled pattern across your flesh. The fabric of your shirt had grown stiff with semi-dried blood.

One by one, you pulled off belts and straps holding weapons, the gloves you protected your hands with, your shirt, your trousers—until you were standing naked at the pool's edge. You gave yourself a cursory inspection, searching for any wounds you had acquired in the fighting this morning that you hadn't noticed; it wouldn't be the first time you'd walked away from a fight and realized you were injured only hours later. But, this time, there was nothing.

Usually it was Astarion who noticed you were injured, catching your smell in the air when it shouldn't have been. But you were drenched in so much blood already that you imagined it would have been very hard to pick out your distinct scent.

You waded into the pool, taking your clothes with you, and sat at it's deepest point. Standing, it reached your knees; sitting, it almost came to your shoulders. You scrubbed the blood from your clothes, using the soap you had brought with you.

You watched the blood and soap swirl together in the water and flow toward the river, a thin stream of red and bubbles slipping away from the crimson cloud surrounding you. You almost felt bad to ruin the clarity of the water, but the others—back at camp—were taking far too long to wash the blood from themselves with your limited store of water. This was better, in the long run.

Astarion would have a field day with this if this wasn't goblin blood, you thought to yourself, staring at the blood drifting just below the surface. He would drink it, from time to time, but never happily.

You scrubbed at your clothes until your fingers were stiff and sore and the blood was no longer coming out of the fabric. You inspected them and deemed them clean enough to put back on the moss, spread out so they would dry faster.

To clean yourself, you headed toward the waterfall. You climbed up onto the stone ledge behind it, reveling in the surprisingly gentle spray of water that reached you and the stillness of the water that it fell into, high enough to reach your knees.

You stepped under the water. It cascaded over you, dousing you in its coolness that reminded you of the first time Astarion had ever touched you—

—gentle hands, cascading down your sides—fingers lifting your chin so you would meet his gaze—a kiss to your forehead—a hand on the small of your back—his lips on your own, warmer than you had anticipated—his fingers in your hair, keeping your head off the ground—his hand slipping between your legs—his little giggle when you shuddered beneath him—the pleasured sigh from his lips as he slid inside of you—

Stepping out from underneath the water, you shook your head, banishing the memory. You had spoken recently about all of this. He'd told you, "I don't think I want you to think of me in terms of sex." He'd said, "I don't want to be just a body for you, darling." And though he'd teased you that you were more than welcome to "sustain yourself" (his words) with your memories of him while he took time away from intimacy, some part of you still felt like you violating his wishes any time it was his body that you thought of, rather than of, well, just him.

You wiped the water from your eyes and knew your tears had mixed in with it; Astarion had been very vulnerable with you, so you knew his reasons for it all. You had two responses: either unbearable sorrow that he had been forced to endure it all (which the current cause of the crushing weight in your chest), or blinding rage that birthed the desire to see Cazador's head on a spear.

You carded your hands through your wet hair, trying to work out the tangles. Your fingers came away covered in watery blood.

"Mind if I join you?"

You jumped, eyes flying open, and looked up. Leaning against the stone wall was the vampire himself, a gentle smile on his face. Gods, how you loved that smile. In this light, you couldn't tell his eyes were red and his fangs were hidden. If you didn't pay attention to how pale he was, you could imagine he was just an elf again—the life he deserved.

Astarion still wore his clothes, which were slowly darkening as they soaked up the spray of water and splattered with as much blood as his handsome face, but his boots were placed neatly next to yours on the moss. He'd cleaned them already; how had you not heard him before?

While he waited for your answer, aware of your admiring gaze on him, he pulled his shirt off over his head, mussing the curls you loved so much. He stripped quickly, nearly falling over when his trouser leg caught on his foot, and left his clothes in a pile on the rock ledge. Perhaps you were imagining things, but his skin looked paler than it had this morning, when you'd been rudely awoken by a horde of goblins invading your camp.

You held your arms open to him. "I'd like that very much."

He stepped into your arms, wrapped his own around your waist, and buried his head in your neck, breathing in deeply. "My love," he whispered, his lips against your skin. He kissed your neck softly and pulled away, cupping your face in his hand, to look into your eyes. "Are you alright?"

You nodded. "I'm okay."

"No injuries this time?" Astarion's eyes slid down your naked body, examining, his gaze concerned when it had once been sensual. You felt yourself relax in his arms, at ease with his concern. It felt real, honest in a way you hadn't had a chance to be yet. It was natural, somehow, to be checking each other for injuries in the time you finally caught together, away from the others.

"Not this time," you said, leaning into him. More watery blood dripped from your hair and across his chest, leaving streaks that made it look like he'd just returned from a rather messy feeding.

He kissed the top of your wet head. "Good." He leaned away to smile at you. "I was worried you'd run off to take care of your injuries by yourself, if only to keep me from smelling the blood."

You shook your head. "If only we'd been attacked by something you could drink from, satisfy your hunger for a few days." He smiled weakly and you knew the thought had been on his mind, too. "What about you? Are you okay?"

He spread his arms and did a little twirl for you. You giggled at his antics, glancing over his skin, pleased he was comfortable enough to even be naked with you. "Yes, darling. Not a scratch on me."

The two of you looked at each other, your hair already damp and clinging to your head, and his curls slowly being matted down by the thick mist of the waterfall. His ears poked out, more noticeable than normal.

Astarion bent and picked up your bar of soap. "May I help you wash off all this grime?"

"Please," you said, your voice soft but as loving as you could make it, your eyes fixed firmly on his.

He lathered his hands with soap and scrubbed gently at your skin. His nails, kept trimmed and neat, were hardly more than a light sensation as he worked at the dried blood until it crumbled away from your skin and ran down your body in red rivulets. His touch was soft, caring where it had once been lustful and groping. You leaned into his touch, enjoying the sensation of his fingers digging into your tired muscles, and held him. You adjusted your hold on him as he moved across your body—an arm draped across his shoulders, a hand on his bicep, your fingers against his chest, your head on his shoulder.

You looked up at Astarion, blinking quickly to keep the water out of your eyes. His gaze remained fixated on your hips as he gently washed off the blood, but he smiled, aware of your stare.

"See something you like?" he asked, tone playful.

"Someone I love," you corrected. He looked up at you, a tender smile growing on his lips. "Someone I love dearly." You leaned close, cupped one side of his face, and kissed the other. "I love you, Astarion."

He kissed your cheek, too. "And I love you." His lips found yours. He kissed you with a sweetness that simultaneously broke your heart and mended it. You wrapped your arms around his waist. He hummed happily into your mouth and cradled the back of your neck.

The pair of you fell into a tight embrace. You felt the adrenaline drain from you and leave you limp in his arms, your hot skin going cold under the water. Despite how suddenly you must have slumped against him, Astarion held you with ease. He gave the crown of your head a quick kiss, then made an unpleasant sound of surprise from the back of his throat.

"Darling, do you mind if I wash your hair? There's an awful lot of goblin blood in it."

You forced yourself to stand up straight on your own, still holding his sides for support. "Oh, yes—that would be from Karlach throwing one she'd just chopped into over my head." Even as you said the words, you felt the blood splattering into your hair again and shuddered.

Astarion grimaced. "Let me help you with it, then." He lathered his hands and put them in your hair. As he fell into a rhythm, you closed your eyes and let him doing the work, your thoughts drifting...

At first, you weren't sure why you had even woken in the first place. The light coming in through a crack in the tent's opening was still the watery and grey color of pre-dawn, much earlier than you usually woke. You frowned and pushed back into Astarion, his arm squeezing you tighter, sleep once again tugging at your eyelids.

And then you heard a shout, vicious and loud. It was close to camp, maybe even in camp. The shout came again and you realized it was Lae'zel's war cry.

All at once, the sounds of a battle filled your ears. You jerked awake in an instant, clambering onto your knees and shaking Astarion awake next to you. Of course the one day Astarion decided to indulge in the very human activity of sleep was the day you and your friends were attacked.

"What's going on?" he mumbled as his eyes flickered open, his words slurred together.

"Come on, grab your knives," you said, pulling your lightest set of armor on over your clothes. You were suddenly very relieved Astarion had decided skin to skin contact was a bit too much for him last night. "I think we're under attack."

He woke just as quickly as you had. He swore, dragged a quick hand through his hair, and grabbed his knives. He waited until you had your own weapon in hand before he opened the curtain flap of his tent.

The camp was a sight to behold. Already it was trashed and overflowing with goblins. Some were already on the ground, their blood oozing everywhere in the dirt and grass. Gashes from Lae'zel's sword seeped blood and gristle, if she hadn't horribly disfigured the corpses and turned them into little more than lumps of flesh. Many of them bore scorch marks that ranged from minor burns to melting flesh. It smelled horrendous and nearly acidic; you bit back the bile in your throat.

A dismembered arm fell at your foot. You kicked it away on instinct, looking up to see Karlach ripping a second goblin limb from limb.

"Now that's just vile," Astarion said, still looking at the arm, a fang poking out over his curled lip.

"Complain about it later," you said, grabbing his chin and giving him a quick and customary 'good morning' kiss. "We've got to help the others."

"If you insist."

Astarion ran to Karlach's side; you headed for Shadowheart and Gale. Wyll was approaching, too, cutting a path through the goblins.

"Morning, you two!" you said cheerily. "How'd this happen?"

"We're not sure," Shadowheart said, kicking a goblin in the face as it ran at her with a scream. "Lae'zel said they came from the north, just over those hills."

"Odd. I wonder if we camped too close to them for their liking, and now they're trying to do something about it. Are goblins territorial creatures?"

Gale grunted, casting another fireball. "Enough chatting. Let's just kill these things and figure out where they came from and why later. Got it?"

"Fair enough," you decided. "Whoever kills the most chooses dinner for a week."

"I'll take you up on that," Wyll said from behind you. "I'm dreaming of a good meal for once."

Astarion's hands sliding out of your hair abruptly brought you back to reality, to his body pressed against yours and the waterfall at your back, shielding the two of you from the world.

"Where'd you go?" he asked, voice soft. You could feel his fingers toying with the ends of your hair, curling it on his fingers.

"Back to the fight," you admitted. "I just keep wondering how they snuck up on us."

"No matter now," he said. "We'll let Lae'zel criticize us all for not anticipating every possible disaster when we get back, but not yet. Not here."

He went back to massaging your scalp, despite the blood being long gone, and your sighed happily. He smiled and kissed your forehead, adding pressure. A content whimper slipped from your lips and you blushed instantly as his eyes lit up; he'd heard far more obscene from you, yet still the slightest sounds you made embarrassed you and delighted him.

"My, my, the noises you make for me, lover," he teased, giggling. He wrapped his hand in your hair and tugged, hard enough to draw a loud moan out of your chest.

Astarion covered your mouth with his hand, his eyes playfully wide. "Shhh, unless you want the others to come looking. We're not that far away from camp."

Heat rushed through your body. "Oh, gods, Astarion, I'm— I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to— And I certainly didn't expect it to be that...that loud—! I..."

He swallowed your frantic apologies with a kiss. Against your lips, he whispered, "If you can keep quiet, though...I can grant you all the pleasure you want. You need only ask, darling."

Your heart skipped several beats in your chest. You put your hand up to his face. "Oh, I don't... Star, I don't need you to, I wouldn't want you to...feel obligated." He pulled his forehead away from yours to see your face. "We agreed not to do anything until you're ready. And that wasn't that long ago, so... I don't want you to be uncomfortable—"

Astarion cupped your chin with his hand, dragging his thumb across your lower lip. The words died in your throat. He met your gaze, his crimson eyes open and honest, and said, "Your pleasure is a gift. Even if I don't want to be touched yet, that's not stopping me from touching you. Only you can stop me from touching you."

"Star..."

He pulled you into a tight hug. You wrapped your arms around him, suddenly too aware of the raised scar you felt against your arms. "I trust you. Wholeheartedly. I trust you to...to respect my boundaries. To check in with me. To see when I'm uncomfortable. You've already done it, again and again, and proved that you're worthy of that trust. And do I look uncomfortable now?"

You studied him. His pupils were blown. His eyes told a story of contentment. The tenseness you had once noticed laying deep and dormant in his muscles was gone. He looked at you with a fondness you realized now was a profound trust and he stood utterly relaxed in your arms.

So you answered him honestly. "No."

"Exactly, darling. I'm not uncomfortable. I want to do this for you, if that's what you also want. I feel...safe with you. I've never felt like this around anyone before," he admitted, a bit of sadness creeping onto his face, "and I don't want to ruin it. I don't know... I don't know what I'm doing, but I'm going to try to do right by you. So if you want me..." He placed his hand low on your abdomen. Your stomach did flips. He put his lips against the shell of your ear. "Tell me, darling, because I certainly want you. All I ask is that you not touch me, not just yet."

You whimpered. "Please, Star. I promise not to touch you, I promise. But please touch me."

"That's my girl," he whispered. "Spread your legs for me, no need to be so nervous."

You readjusted your stance, widening the space between your previously clenched thighs. His hand filled the gap, cupping you gently. You sighed, leaning your head against his chest again, looking down to watch his ministrations.

Astarion pressed his palm to your clit. You watched his wrist move as he slid his fingers along your slit, teasing you and never quite touching you where you needed him. You whimpered as his fingertip lightly ghosted your entrance, just barely dipping inside before he moved his hand back up, his fingers toying with your clit.

"That's it," he whispered in your ear. "Make those quiet, pretty sounds for me. Show me how you feel."

You rocked your hips against his hand. "Astarion, please..."

He kissed your temple. "Feeling good?"

Your broken moan was your answer. He chuckled, sliding his hand up your side, taking your breast in the palm of his hand. He rolled your nipple between his fingers, making you gasp and buck your hips against him. He closed his lips around it and sucked gently.

"More," you whispered. "Please. I need...I need you."

"Alright, darling, alright," he said against your skin. He rubbed your entrance for another moment, then slid his finger inside you. You clenched down on him as you sighed your pleasure. He curled his finger inside you, rubbing away at your walls, and you gasped loudly.

Astarion grinned. "Make those noises. Moan for me. I want you to show me how good this feels, show me you want me." You gripped tightly onto him, one hand on the back of his neck and the other on his hip. Your breaths grew heavy and your whimpers louder. "Yes, that's it! Be loud for me, my sweet, the loudest you've ever—"

A branch cracked in the forest. A voice called out your name, then Astarion's. You jumped a mile and Astarion's finger slipped out of you. You stared at each other with wide eyes.

"D...did you hear that?" you asked. "Or am I hearing things?"

As if an answer, the voice—Gale's—shouted again, "I know you're over here, I can see your boots!"

"Shit," Astarion sighed. He craned his head to peer around the curtain of water. "What the hells do you want?"

"Is she with you?" Gale asked. "Shadowheart sent me to find you both, the rest of us have all finished washing up! There's water left for you."

"That's what we're trying to do, Gale!" you called, reaching an arm through the waterfall and waving at him. "Use the water for something else, we'll make do here."

He harrumphed. "If I had known this was just a few minutes away from camp, I would have come to wash up here ages ago."

You and Astarion exchanged a look. So much for a secret getaway spot.

"Be back soon, or Karlach will start worrying," Gale said, in the tone of a chiding parent. "And no funny business!"

"Oh, shut up!" Astarion shouted, the tips of his ears turning a deep pink. He ducked behind the water again and holding you close. You barely held back your giggles while the two of you listened for Gale to walk away. One slipped out and Astarion hurriedly covered your mouth with his hand. You licked his palm and he pulled it away quickly. "You weirdo!"

You wrapped your arms around him and leaned into his chest. "Yes, but I'm your weirdo. You love me anyway."

Astarion pushed a strand of your wet hair behind your ear. "I love you anyway," he admitted, with a fondness that turned you into mush in his arms. He held you close for several moments, then asked, "Do you want me to continue?"

You thought about it, then shook your head. "Not just now. I suspect Karlach will be on her way to investigate the waterfall I didn't have the decency tell anyone about very soon."

"Very well," he said. "I'll finish you off later in my tent, then. As long as you can keep quiet for me, darling." He gave you that charming smile that made your stomach do flips.

"I thought you liked me loud," you teased.

Astarion rolled his eyes, playful and flirtation in such a comfortable way that it warmed your heart more than any of his touches ever could, delightful as they were. "Only when I have you all to myself, lover." He nipped at your neck, his fangs scratching but not breaking your skin. "Your moans are mine."

You stood together like that for several more moments, his hands on your hips and your arms looped around his neck, your foreheads pressed together. You exchanged dainty kisses, basking in each other in the few minutes left you had alone.

At last, you planted one firm, lingering kiss to his lips. "Let me clean you off," you said. "Though you're going to have to crouch for me to get your hair." Most of the blood and grime had been washed away by the waterfall's spray, but his silver hair was still speckled with it all, and you could taste it on his lips—sour and gritty. No wonder he only drank from goblins as a last resort.

Astarion bent his head down, pressing his forehead into your shoulder and holding you by the waist. You ran your fingers through his hair, scratching his scalp and smiling (but saying nothing) every time your touch managed to pull a soft whimper or moan from him without him realizing it.

You washed his body anyway, wiping away the remaining grime and massaging his muscles. You enjoyed the way he relaxed in your arms, quietly asking for more or less pressure.

"My back," he said, voice quiet and almost timid. "Can you...?"

"Are you sure?" you asked, frowning.

He nodded and turned in your arms, exposing his back to you. You started slowly, massaging his upper back and shoulders before working your way down, giving him plenty of time to tell you to stop if he needed to. But he leaned into your touch and responded with more of those gentle and timid—but happy—sounds.

You kissed the nape of his neck when you were finished, rested your head against his back, and wrapped your arms around his waist. His hands found yours and laced your fingers together.

"Thank you, my love," he said. "I've never... No one has ever done that for me before."

You hugged him tighter. "Any time you need me—I'm here. I will always be here." You stepped away and guided him out of the water with a hand. "Come on, we should head back."

The pair of you helped each other dress, though neither of you were wearing anything that required the help. You suspected Astarion just wanted to keep you close; when he got into his cuddly moods, it lasted for hours at a time. You would sleep wrapped up in your vampire's arms, safe and comfortable, tonight.

You were both pulling on your boots when Karlach found you.

"There you are!" she said. "Why didn't you tell us where you'd run off to?"

You shrugged. "I wanted the peace and quiet," you said honestly. "Besides, you all take forever to clean off."

Astarion snickered. "She's right about that."

Karlach sat on the moss, staring at the waterfall. "Well, you're right about one thing, soldier—this place is peaceful."

You hummed your agreement. "Yes. I'm glad we camped near it, or I never would have found it."

"How did you find this place?" she asked.

"Hunting," you said.

"Really? I assumed it must have been when you and Astarion sneak out so the rest of us can't hear you having sex." You choked on air and she laughed. "What? He found it easily!"

Astarion spluttered. "Because I could smell her!"

You sighed. "Karlach, we stopped sneaking off ages ago. We don't need to, we sleep in the same tent now. Rest assured, if anything is happening, it's happening silently and the rest of you are none the wiser to it."

"That doesn't make me rest assured."

You laughed. Astarion smiled at you, the kind of smile that made his eyes seem a little less dark and made you really remember that he was an elf.

"Well, I don't know about you two, but I'm going back to camp," he said. "I'm sure there's much to discuss about these...impertinent creatures who keep attacking us." He kissed your cheek and whispered into your ear, "I'll see you tonight, darling. What we do is up to you."

Before he could leave, you reached over and held his cheek, kissing him firmly on the lips. He smiled into it.

"Lovebirds," Karlach groaned, rolling her eyes, "will you please get a room?"

"The next time we stop at an inn—yes," Astarion said, winked at you, then disappeared into the woods.

You gulped. "I pity whoever is in the room next to us."

Karlach snorted. "I pity you and your poor cervix!"

"Karlach!" You splashed her with water and she roared with laughter.

"I'm kidding, I'm kidding! Only slightly."

You huffed, scooped up your weapons, and started back to camp. Karlach followed.

"I mean, in all honesty, you two were so loud that first time we all heard you at camp, even though you snuck away. Kept us all awake, but you sounded like you were having a good time. So clearly he's doing something right, but can you take all of that every time? You were walking with a limp the next morning—"

"Okay, let's change the subject," you said loudly, heat racing through your body. Remembrance pulsed through you again, ghostly touches and reminders of just how easily Astarion made you scream.

She giggled. Gods, she was spending too much time with you and Astarion; he was rubbing off on her. "Oh, yes, because what would poor Gale say if he heard?"

You rolled your eyes. "It's not Gale I'm worried about, it's Astarion. If he hears you, he's going to become insufferable."

"Isn't he already?"

You whacked her with the flat end of your sheathed dagger. She laughed, putting her hands up in surrender.

The others were cleaning up camp when you arrived, scrubbing blood from tents and carpets and hauling away corpses and severed limbs.

Gale waved when he saw you, then jerked his thumb toward Astarion. "Didn't he just wash?"

You looked over at your vampire, only to find him feeding on a goblin. He looked up at you and grinned sheepishly, a trickle of blood sliding out of his mouth and down his neck.

"I just washed him, actually," you said dryly. "Astarion, you aren't that messy of an eater. What on earth are you doing?"

"Oh, so now you deign to eat the goblins," Karlach scoffed.

He shrugged. "What? I'm hungry!"

You spluttered. "You could have just asked me!"

Astarion wiped his mouth with a feral grin. "Well, I'll keep that in mind later, darling." He winked at you and then blew you a quick kiss. He shoved the carcass into the woods and went into his tent, closing the flap behind him.

Gale sighed heavily before looking back at you. "That one. Are you sure you want to choose that one?"

"Yes, Gale, I want that one."

He shrugged. "Suit yourself."

~❊~

Night fell. One by one, the others retired to their tents. Only Karlach and Gale remained awake when you left the fire and slipped into Astarion's tent.

He was laying on his side, reading and drinking blood, the picture of leisure. He closed his book immediately when you laid beside him and pulled you flush against his body.

"There you are," he said, snuggling into your shoulder. "I was beginning to wonder if you were coming."

You reached up and dragged your fingers through his perfect curls. "You don't have to wonder about that ever, Star. As long as I live, I'll be coming home to you. Even if I have to crawl."

"Gods, I love you," he said, wrapping himself around you. You kissed the top of his head.

"I love you, too," you whispered. He sighed happily and cuddled into you, sliding one of his legs between your own and settling there. A few minutes later, you felt the pressure of his knee against your clothed crotch. "What are you doing, mister?"

He grinned at you, showing both fangs. "Finishing what I started," he said cheekily. He began undoing the lacing at the front of your pants. "Now, just lay still for me, dear. And please do your best to keep quiet—I'd hate to have to cover that pretty mouth with my hand. Again."

☞ ❊ ☜

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Baldur's Gate 3 // Astarion Acunin

Taglist: {comment and let me know if you'd like to be added to the Astarion taglist!} @wayward-hel @cheeslyy @ofmyth-andmagicart @neetheslayer @whispering-depths @freesidexjunkie @lightsinmycity @the0ldmann @gobbodoggo @oooof-ifellforyou @beeblisss @fangboner @aquaarietes @fiercest-eigengrau-skies @niqhtfell @call-me-nyxx @lueji-m @ceres-xiv @tricksy-trinity @graynstairs @rosa-rubus @ynisthatyou

Astarion x GN!Bard!Tav headcanons

Content warnings: Pure angst, Tav is dead, I literally had to take breaks from writing because I didn't want to cry in public

Summary: Headcanons for Astarion after Tav's death

•Astarion, who ended up with Bard!tav and kept his promise of loving them til their dying day, even after that.

•Astarion, who sang Tav's own songs to them on their last days.

•Astarion, who was more heartbroken than he's ever been when Tav died.

•Astarion, who despite that kept his promise to keep living after Tav was gone for at least another lifetime even if he never found another SO.

•Astarion, who was finally strong enough to clean up Tav's stuff after weeks had passed and found all of their sheet music and a small journal with lyrics.

•Astarion, who made sure to carry copies of Tav's work on his travels and hand them out to random musicians or music shops to keep their memory and work alive.

•Astarion, who learned the basics to Tav's instrument of choice or an instrument they always said they would've liked to play to feel closer to them.

•Astarion, who made sure to carry around either a photo of Tav (if those exist) or a small painting of the both of them to make sure he never forgets Tav's face like he did his (bonus points if Tav made it).

•Astarion, who selfishly kept the last thing Tav ever wrote for him to himself. It was unfinished, written on a paper full of annotations and crossed out ideas for lyrics or how the melody should go. After he learned your instrument he would try to decode the sheet of paper until he understood it and learned to play it since tav didn't get to play it for him.

Edit: Tell me why a few minutes after I posted this I saw the most beautiful sunset reflecting on the bus window and lighting up the isle. IT'S NOT FAIR HE DESERVES THE SUN

COLLISION

Astarion x Y/N - Chapter 4 - 3.9K WC

Masterlist

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4 (you are here!)

Chapter 5 NSFW 18+

Chapter 6 NSFW 18+

Chapter 7 NSFW 18+

Warnings: mention of SA (not detailed), drug use (elixir), slightly steamy (not NSFW)

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A sunbeam perfectly aimed for your face is what woke you. The warmth making you smile before you lazily got up from your bedroll, wincing a bit. You saw everyone seemingly at the bonfire looking like they were ready to head out. Everyone apart from a certain vampire. You jogged over to the campfire from your tent. 

“Y/N! Thank the gods you’re awake. We were all going to head out and visit a merchant, care to join us?” Karlach beamed. 

You went to answer but you winced, hard. Enough for Karlach and the others to notice. You lifted up your shirt to reveal the wound the nurse left on your lower stomach. 

“That’s infected, no wonder you’re in pain.” Gale said, moving to retrieve a salve from his backpack. “Here,” he said, rubbing it into your skin before conjuring gauze to cover it. It felt cool and soothed the hateful heat emitting from the wound. “That’ll take a few hours to clear the infection out and fully heal the wound. You’ll need to stay here and rest for the day. Astarion will stay with you; help keep the camp safe and keep you company.”

“Sure it's a good idea keeping those two together?” Shadowheart asked, alluding to the punching incident. 

“We’ll be fine.” you reassured her, giving her shoulder a light squeeze. 

“Well we best be off. Want anything from the merchant?” Karlach asked.

“I’d love a book or two if you could find any for cheap.” you asked shyly, “I’ll pay you back when I can.”

Karlach shook her head, “No need, books it is! Rest easy soldier!” she said starting to leave camp.

Gale clapped your shoulder before leaving, “Books, eh? A cleric after my own heart.” he smiled.

And just like that, camp was quiet aside from the occasional bird. You elected to change into a different pair of small clothes. A simple black, flowy long sleeve. Much too large for you but that's what made it so comfy. Slipping on a new pair of under shorts you hauled your dirty clothes and armor to the streamside. You trudged back up the hill to grab your phone. So far it hasn’t needed to be enchanted again, it has yet to fall below 100%. You peered into Astarion’s tent as you walked past it, he was still asleep (meditating?), best to leave him alone. 

Returning to the stream with your phone you started to play music. The soft beats of Cooks by Still Woozy bumped along as you softly sang to it, cleaning your clothes and armor. 

-------------------------

Astarion watched you walk up and down the hill to the stream twice, acting asleep when you peered into his tent. He snuck down the hill, grabbing two bright red apples before standing a few feet behind you. The music you listened to was strange, nothing like he had heard before. Your world must have been strange. He made his way to you, shifting the rocks as he walked so he wouldn’t startle you. You looked up at him, a smile graced your face that would put the sun to shame. His rare doe eyes made an appearance along with a genuine smirk. Nothing seductive or tricky about it, just unhideable glee. He felt so wrong and yet so right being this happy with another person. Most of all he felt confused, unsure of how to proceed with all these new feelings that accompanied freedom. He pushed the anxiety to the back of his mind, silently holding out one of the apples to you. You gently put your armor down, wiping your wet hands on your shirt quickly before taking the fruit. 

“Thank you.” you smiled at him before motioning for him to sit with you as you took a bite. Astarion sat with his back against the tree you had hung your clothes on to dry. His feet next to your legs as you sat criss cross fully facing him. He ate a few bites of his apple before looking into your eyes.

“What?” he asked, he had felt you staring at him.

“Sorry! I just… I didn’t know vampires could eat real food.” you tried to say casually, finding your apple to be most interesting in the moment as you stared at it in your lap.

He chuckled, “We need blood to survive but we can still imbibe in the pleasures of mortals.”

You nodded, giving a short chuckle of embarrassment. 

Astarion bent his head a little to catch your eyes which you quickly averted. He sighed, “Any other vampiric queries? You must be dying to know…” he smirked his usual taunting smirk at you. 

“Are you sure? I don’t wanna make you uncomfortable…” you eyed him.

His heart grew two sizes. You cared about his feelings? You weren't going to make him talk if he didn’t want to? You surprised him everyday, and today was no exception. He nodded at you.

“Can you eat garlic?” you asked.

He laughed and looked at you confused, “Are vampires from your world so weak they can be taken out by a vegetable?” 

“Apparently.” you laughed, “How come you can be in the sun?”

“That’s a new development thanks to our little worms. Usually I’d be a pile of ash.” he grimaced at the end. 

You nodded curtly, “Wooden stake to the heart, is that lethal for vampires here?”

“Who wouldn’t that kill?” he asked rhetorically. 

“Good point.” you said finishing your apple before throwing the core into the stream, Astarion doing the same shortly after. “How old are you?”

“230.” he said softly, the air changing into something sour. 

You looked at him empathetically, scooching closer so you could sit next to him. Hesitantly you softly grabbed his hand, giving him every opportunity to pull away. He watched you trace his knuckles, veins, tendons, etc. You spoke softly as you interlaced your fingers, “People often speak in riddles when trying to comfort others… but the pain you’ve endured. All I can say is I’m so sorry Astarion. So very sorry.” You gently kissed the back of his hand before continuing to trace his veins.

He nodded and looked down to hide the stray tear that threatened to spill. He squeezed your hand before letting it go. “Would you like to do something fun?” he asked suddenly.

You pulled your hand back, missing his touch already all the while suppressing any urges to crave intimacy with him. “Absolutely! It seems we have the camp to ourselves today, no better time to do something fun.” you smiled at him standing up. You moved your armor to a large rock so everything could start drying. Astarion walked to his tent and you followed. He turned to you after digging in his supply pack for a moment. He held a rectangular bottle with a dazzling gold liquid swirling about inside. 

“Elixir of Folly.” he said, handing it to you. You inspected the bottle before popping the lid open. A few random sparkles fizzled out before you brought the bottle to your nose, it smelled like vanilla and death. You quickly pulled it back from your face. Astarion laughed at your reaction. He gently took the open bottle from you.

“Don’t worry, a little death is what makes this so fun. You’ll be fine I promise.” he said before drinking half the bottle. He handed the rest to you, waiting to see if you trusted him enough to try it. You took the bottle, “Cheers?” you said quizzically before gulping down the drink. You didn’t feel any different.

“So… what does it do? Make you happy or something?” you asked, sitting on his bedroll. He sat next to you knocking your shoulder with his playfully. 

“Euphoric is a better term. Let's just say this potion is for… recreational use.” He could feel a gentle warmth engulf him. His brain felt fuzzy and everything seemed full of wonder. A gentle smile laid on his face as his eyes glossed over.

You felt the same sensations, “I’m sorry but did we just do drugs? Magical drugs?” you said with a slight panic to your voice. 

“Darling, with all due respect, shut up and enjoy just this once. Please?” he sighed.

You put your hands up in surrender, “Alright, I trust you.” 

His eyes widened a bit, the soft glow around you surely proved you were an angel. A stupid idea really, to trust him. And yet, all he could feel was pride and joy at the fact that you trusted him and wanted to protect him. He would never admit it, not even to himself, but he trusted you too. Is this what it feels like to be cared for? You let out a long sigh, pulling him from his thoughts. He watched you shift so your whole body was laying in the pleasant sunlight. You stretched, reminding him of a cat on a sunny day. Your hand flew up, eyes still closed. He looked at your hand before taking it. You yanked him down so he was laying next to you in the sun. He quickly relaxed, stretching and making himself comfortable in the sun. He watched you, memorizing your face while it was blissed out. 

“Ya know,” you began softly, keeping your eyes shut “I never do this in my world. I feel like I belong to the dark there. It's… lonely and… miserable if I’m honest. I like being here with you. With all of you. I don’t even know if I want to go back.” you hummed, a little smile never leaving your face. 

What Astarion neglected to tell you was that Elixir of Folly was known for loosening tongues and dropping guards as well as its euphoric side effects. He really had no ill intentions, he really did just want to have fun with you. But he couldn’t help but hope for exactly what was happening, you dropping your guard enough for him to probe. 

“You don’t want to go home?” he asked, gently brushing a piece of hair out of your closed eyes. 

Your eyes fluttered open, you turned on your side so you were facing him. You softly took his hand that brushed your hair away, holding it to your cheek and rubbing your thumb over his knuckles repeatedly. “If I’m honest… it never felt like home. I was stuck doing the same mundane thing over and over again every day… it made life… melancholic.” you sighed, looking down sadly. It's true, life wasn’t easier before all this happened to you. Drowning in bills, fighting depression, being alone. Maybe that's why you thought so little of going home. You don’t really want to go back, but you should… shouldn’t you? The longer you stayed in Baldur’s Gate the less you missed your old life, the less you remembered it. 

Astarion hummed, rubbing his thumb over your cheek bone. “Really? No lovers are going to miss you terribly?” he asked.

You let out a huff that was almost a chuckle, “I haven’t had a lover in quite some time.” you replied.

“Oh? And why’s that?” he said quietly shifting ever so slightly closer to you.

“I was tired of being used. I’d rather have nothing than be used like a collection of parts for somebody else.” you paused for a moment before flicking your eyes to his momentarily, “I’d live 1000 lifetimes alone if it meant I got to have one love. One true love. But… I don’t know if I was made to be loved. I think I was made to love others. To look after everyone else and make sure they feel okay. Some people are just born with tragedy in their blood I suppose.” you sighed. 

“I understand,” he whispered. Trying to change the mood he quickly asked, “What’s your favorite color?”

You giggled at his ungraceful change of topic but let it slide, “Black.” you replied.

“Favorite book?”

“A Portrait of Dorian Grey.” you said quickly. “Behind every exquisite thing that existed, there was something tragic.” you quoted aloud.

Astarion smiled, he liked that you enjoyed reading. Even more impressive that you could recall quotes from the book so easily. He felt the quote sink into his mind, thinking how something tragic must be behind you just as there is for him. 

“A secret?” he asked hesitantly, looking at you.

“I like you a lot. Even when you didn’t like me. It made me so sad you didn’t like me. It made me even sadder when you wanted to have sex because I know you don’t want to.” you rattled off, sounding progressively more sleepy and unfocused. 

Astarion’s chest gave a squeeze, “How did you know I didn’t want to?”

“I know what it’s like to have someone do things to your body that you don’t want. I also know what it’s like to feel like you owe someone your body. Both are wretched feelings. I could see them in your eyes. I’d never want to hurt you, especially like that.” you mumbled, unconsciously snuggling yourself into his chest as you drifted off to sleep. 

Astarion let this tear slip down his face. He listened to your even heartbeat, he watched the hypnotic rise and fall of your chest. He held you while you slept until he too started to feel drowsy.

“I’m going to fall for you and it will kill me 1000 times over when you inevitably leave.” he whispered to nobody in particular, slipping into a dreamless sleep. 

-----------------------

Karlach and everyone else went back to their tents as soon as they all came back. Everyone was exhausted from having to walk two towns over since the usual merchant wasn’t in town today. She walked past Astarion’s tent with little care until she noticed four feet just barely peeking outside of the tent flap. Her curiosity got the better of her and she opened the tent flap slightly. Her fiery heart jolted with happiness. The two of you lost in slumber and each other's arms. Karlach silently took your phone from next to you, she took a picture of the two of you. She had come to love your phone, especially after she learned how to take selfies. Gently plopping the phone back down next to you, she backed away from the tent. 

------------------------

You awoke to the ghosting of a hand rubbing soft circles on your exposed hip and lower back. Fluttering your eyes open, you were met with Astarion’s ruby eyes. You jolted back a little, the feeling of the elixir completely gone. You tried to scoot away but he held you in place. 

“I’m sorry, I’ll go…” you said, again trying to leave. You couldn’t believe you fell asleep on the one person who didn’t need the pressure or even the innuendo of intimacy. 

“Stay?” Astarion asked hopefully, readjusting his grip on your hip so he could pull you back to him. 

“Astarion stop, you don’t have to..” you looked at him with a fragile gaze. 

“But what if I want to?” he said against your lips as he finally pulled you flush to him, in the softest tone you’d ever heard him utter. His eyes looked between your lips and eyes repeatedly, asking an unspoken question. 

You wish you could. Gods you do. But you couldn’t tell if this was real, or if he had ulterior motives. Your eyes grew sad as you placed your hand on his chest, putting space between the two of you. 

“We shouldn’t.” you said painfully. 

Astarion felt a pang in his chest, not the good kind. Did you not feel the air grow thick and sweet whenever you two were alone? He shifted his gaze downwards feeling hurt but determined not to show it.

He cleared his throat before swiftly pulling away and getting up, “We should join the others, I can smell whatever they’re roasting out there.” He helped you up with one arm. 

Truth be told, your heart hurt just as much as his unbeating one. You wanted so badly to touch him, to feel him, to know him in every way. The last few weeks you have been together have brought you so much closer and every day you fell more and more for the pale elf. You’d never say it was love stirring inside you. Not out loud at least. 

----------------------

The group quickly took to drinking when a new companion came to camp that night. Halsin had finally returned. You introduced yourself and found yourself drinking with the friendly druid like you were old friends. You had quite the green thumb back home, plants covered your home wall to wall. You two talked about nature endlessly and before you knew it, you felt drunk. Karlach had started to play music on your phone a while ago, everyone had come to like having the music going during supper. Astarion sat on the adjacent log at the campfire, unusually quiet beside Karlach. He watched you light up for the druid. Has he misread everything between you two over the past few weeks? 

A particularly lively song came on, Allegro by Antonio Vivaldi. Halsin stood, extending his hand to you. You looked at him, your cheeks warming “I… I’m sorry… I don’t exactly know how to dance to this type of music.” 

“Where better to learn than among friends?” he declared pulling you up and to the side of the campfire. 

Halsin was patient. He taught you the most simple waltz, or what you could call a waltz in your state. You giggled and smiled, it was infectious. Everyone seemed to enjoy the sight. Everyone except Astarion who huffed and walked back to his tent after the third song had passed. He couldn’t bear to watch you grow close to another. The way Halsin put his hands on you so gently. Could he ever do such a thing? To watch someone else end up with someone he wanted so desperately. So purely. It left an awful taste in his mouth and a wrenching in his heart.

You spun around and finished your dance. Out of breath you thanked Halsin for the lovely dances before excusing yourself and trotting after Astarion.

--------------------

You knocked lightly on the tent post. Astarion hummed, expecting another one of your companions perhaps. You entered his tent and he tutted looking away from you. 

“What?” he said sharply.

“I wanted to check on you… why’d you leave?” you said shifting from foot to foot, his tone making you feel uneasy.

“Oh you noticed? I thought you’d be in Halsin’s bed by now.” the venom in his voice made you cringe, stepping back from him.

“What? Why would you think that? I just met him tonight?” you sounded confused.

“Like that would stop you.” He said standing up, moving to walk past you.

You ignored the way you felt your eyes getting misty, putting your hand against his chest making him stop and look at you. “You’re being hurtful. Why?” you asked.

He sighed, the last time he tried this approach it got him punched so he might as well attempt to talk to you about his feelings. If he could manage it.

“Why didn’t you kiss me?” he whispered, his own eyes misting. 

You bit your lip before responding truthfully, “Because I don’t know if you truly want it. Or if you’re trying to use me. I… I can't do that again, Astarion. I won't.” you paused, taking in a shaky breath “And I won't let you use yourself to get something from me. You need but ask and I will do as you ask without hesitation.”

“Kiss me then.” he asked, his eyes big and pleading.

You looked down, shaking your head. You let the tears fall but did your best to keep quiet so Astarion didn’t hear you breaking. You crumbled to the ground, the weight of everything sinking you. Astarion descended with you. He looked so soft, so concerned. So unlike the snooty jerk you initially met. 

“Can I tell you a secret?” he asked, taking your hand, tracing your knuckles, veins, tendons, etc. “You could cut me down and I’d ask you to do it again. Everything with you feels unlike anything else. It drives me mad honestly.” His admission shocked you, you went to reply before he spoke again, “And yet, I seek you out every day because whatever you have poisoned me with… it's as if you are the antidote. I cannot breathe when you are not near. I rise and rest with my thoughts being overwhelmed by you.” he sighed shakily. 

You looked at him, absolutely gobsmacked. Your tears hadn’t ceased; Astarion raised his hand hesitantly before deciding to beg forgiveness instead of asking permission before he wiped your cheeks with his thumb. He held your face in his palm, the lump in his throat growing with each passing moment. 

“I want you. That is my choice, that is my decision, those are my feelings. And if you won’t have me just say the -” Astarion’s preparation for rejection caught in his throat when you consumed him in the most feather light kiss. Your hands shook as you gingerly held his face, ever so lightly deepening the kiss. You pulled back slightly, eyeing him for a reaction. His eyes were closed, he had a smile on his lips, and his tongue darted out to taste yourself on him. 

“Can I do that again?” you ask barely above a whisper. He was captivating. His lips tasted like brandy and you could get lost in them forever. 

“As you wish.” he said, opening his eyes. Pulling you to him so that you straddled him. He felt you tense above him, not putting your weight on him. “We can stop if either of us feels anything besides pleasure.” he assured you as he held your face with one hand and your hip with another. He looked so calm, as if this is right where he wanted to be. You settled yourself in his lap quickly before going back to his lips. You moved them hesitantly before he kissed you with so much passion it made your head spin. The kiss quickly turned into a battle for dominance but it was no surprise that the man with 200 years experience over you won. Astarion moved to lay you down, you felt his hands roam your body. He kissed your jaw, moving down to your neck, then your collar bones. His fingers gently untied the laces of your shirt. 

You went rigid.

Scared

Is what rang out in his mind. He quickly pulled off of you, glancing you over to see if he had somehow hurt you. 

“I’m sorry…” you whispered, pulling your shirt together. “Can we… not do anything more?” 

Astarion’s worry faded into understanding, “Of course.” he smiled as he pulled off of you. “Could I be so bold as to ask you to stay? Just to sleep!” he quickly clarified.

You smiled up at him, your erratic heartbeat already returning to normal. “I’d love to.” you said as you shifted yourself on his bedroll. 

He laid next to you gently, pulling a silken blanket over the two of you. Of course he had a silk blanket for sleeping on the ground. You chuckled to yourself at the thought. You curled into his chest once again, falling asleep all too quickly. Astarion ran his fingers through your hair, he kissed your forehead one final time before closing his eyes, preparing for sleep to take him.

“To the beginning of my end.” he cheers’ed himself.

Hello! Some not awesome stuff happened in life recently, so I thought I'd write a bit. I hope you guys enjoy this chapter. Next chapter might have some NSFW stuff in it. What do you think? Please let me know if there is anything you'd like to see in the story or suggestions you may have. I love getting comments! Thanks for reading! <3

700 Years - Part 2

Astarion x Y/N - drabble - 2K WC

Thank you to all who requested a part 2! :)

Masterlist

Warnings: soft Astarion, depression, anxiety, misinterpretation of feelings, angst, reader reverting to old habits, drow twins (precious babies), slight mention of nudity, brief (and I mean BRIEF) steamy stuff, reassurance, fluff

Part 1

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Astarion was right, adjusting to life outside of the hells was proving to be somewhat difficult. Everything had changed, advanced. You felt like a relic, lost in time. You clung to Astarion like a scared child for weeks. You proved to be an elite combatant, a force to truly be reckoned with. You felt your powers come back to you over time. You just wished your mind would catch up. Know that everything is ok. Know that you are your own. 

You often spend your nights at the lakeside. Throwing rocks into it every so often to watch the ripples glide over the water. You didn’t expect your feelings to come back so easily, and in full force. In hell, you just turned them off when you weren’t alone. Raphael broke you into complete submission. 

“Care for some company?” you heard Astarion say.

You shrugged wordlessly. Astarion noticed your mood declining since you got to camp. You were lost. He did his best to give you space and be there for you, knowing your road was tough, just as his was. You sat in silence for a while before he spoke again.

“I know you’re in great pain, little love, you need not hide it from me.” he scooted closer to you. 

You leaned against him, feeling exhausted. Defeated. “I never thought I was going to leave the hells. Now that I have… I’m trying but… I don’t know if I belong up here. Or down there. I’m not sure I belong anywhere.” your voice was full of sadness. 

Astarion’s arms engulfed you. You clung to him, holding his arms against your chest. “I’m completely alone in the world and I’m… frightened.” you cried into him. 

Astarion took your hands and stood you up, walking you into the shallows of the lake. “Do you ever watch the ripples in the water?” he asked.

You nodded watching as the water splashed around your legs causing the whole lake to ripple.

“See how they unsettle the whole lake, delving it into chaos that will go on until it is brought peace again.” he said, now standing completely still, the lake stilling with him.

“I don’t know if I can bring myself peace.” you looked at the moon's reflection as the water stilled.

Astarion “You can… in time…. Takes a lot of work. But… I’ve got you. I’ll be here for you, whenever you want me.” he said, carding his fingers through your hair causing you to let out a small sigh. 

You leaned back, giving him a small smile. You hesitated before softly kissing his cheek. He looked at you with slightly widened eyes. 

“You don’t have to do that…” Astarion said. He feared showing any intimate interest in you due to everything you had going on, and yet - his heart felt smothered in honey when he was with you. 

Your hand ghosted over where you kissed him, “I know.” you felt bashful. You loved being around Astarion but, as of late, your body grows warm when he is near. Your brain feels overloaded with the urge to kiss him, touch him, love him. Everything about him made you feel better. He made you wonder if you could ever love again, truly love. Everyday you grew more and more convinced. He taught you how to be on your own, not constantly needing him. But now, you just wanted him near always. His presence lighting up your world. 

---------------------

The Blushing Mermaid was loud, far louder than you anticipated. It made you wince. Watching men stumble around boorishly and women fawn over each other. It made you smile despite all the noise. Seeing people look happy after so long in a place of unhappiness, it made your heart feel full. Knowing there is always light in the dark. 

Astarion had left you in the corner of the room, trying not to overwhelm you. He told you he would only be gone a moment so you sat down and waited for him. The more time ticked on the more anxious you got. Independent or not, you were anxious like this before the hells. You looked around the patrons, spotting the pale elf at the bar top. 

Your heart felt uneasy when you looked closer. A beautiful drow woman had draped herself across Astarion. He was indulging her in conversation, even going as far to laugh with her. You couldn’t understand why you were feeling the way you were. Astarion was not yours. He was beautiful and free, just like you. He can choose who he gives his attention to. You tried to reason with yourself. All your brain could seem to logically conclude is that he didn’t want you because you had not lay with him. He was healed and could use his body for himself, and here you were. 

You quietly made your way through the crowd, tears falling despite your best efforts to keep them at bay. 

--------------------

Astarion wasn’t one to panic easily but right now, his resting heart rate would register as a panic attack. When he returned to your little corner, you were gone. You were without weapons and your armor was in your room when he checked for you back at the Elfsong. He wandered the busy streets of Baldur’s Gate for well over an hour now. He made his way to the Lower City. This area was dangerous before the Absolute and Steel Watchers. It was a cornucopia for crime of all breeds to run amuck.

Astarion sat on a barrel at the front of an alleyway. He ran his hands through his hair and over his face. He was frustrated but beyond that he was scared. You weren’t by any means fragile, but Astarion is the one who brought you out for the night, he felt a sense of responsibility for you and your safety in an unknown place. And now you were missing his worst fear. Astarion continued to wander the city deep into the night. He wandered in and out of taverns and shops trying to spot you. He made his way into Sharess’ Caress, following the twists and turns of the building. He used to hunt here… not for blood but for souls to bring Cazador. Astarion pushed the thought out of his head, refocusing his eyes and scanning the room. He saw a door cracked open in a dark hallway, a bit of light coating the opposite wall. Might as well check, he thought. Inside he found you curled up on a bed. Two similar looking drows sitting near you. The male drow draped a blanket over you; while the female drow gazed upon your face and gently traced your features. Astarion walked in slowly, the drows looking at him.

“So you’re him?” the woman said, a look of disgust gracing her devine features. 

“Pardon?” Astarion said, confused.

“The one they cry for.” spoke the male drow. 

“How did they get here?” Astarion asked, worried about the answer.

“They walked in, looked lost. We offered them our services but instead they broke down in tears. We thought it best to keep them some place safe lest someone try to take advantage. Baldur’s Gate is not as safe as it once was.” the woman answered.

The conversation was interrupted by you stirring in bed, eyes immediately meeting Astarion’s when they opened. You sat up quietly, the drows quickly excused themselves sensing the tension in the room.

Astarion sat next to you on the bed, “Why did you leave?” he asked, sounding slightly angrier than he meant to.

“I didn’t want to impede your evening.” you said sincerely, and yet a tinge of jealousy was there.

“What are you talking about?” Astarion asked with a huff.

“The drow at the tavern… you two looked… comfortable. I figured I would leave you to it and find my way back to Elfsong. Got a little lost but the twins were very kind to me.” you played with the edges of your sleeves, mumbling your response trying not to sound as pathetic as you felt. 

Astarion’s face relaxed with realization, “Darling… I knew that drow from when I was under his power. She would give me peace for a few hours in her room, leaving me to my books and whatever else I wanted to do away from Cazador. She was a good friend to me.”

You felt foolish. He’s not yours. It’s all you could hear. You held your hands over your ears trying to make it all stop. Century after century you felt so numb, and maybe you preferred it that way. This all felt… too much. 

You pulled Astarion to you, kissing him. This felt nice, you wanted this but you had to turn your brain off for what you had to do next. You wanted him to want you, so you took the only route you knew. You started trailing kisses down his jaw, his neck, over his chest. While you pulled your shirt off Astarion looked at your face. Your eyes were vacant, like a shark. Your movements looked practiced and forced. You reached a hand to the laces of Astartions pants, his hand grabbing your wrist. You looked up at him with a blank face. 

“What’s wrong?” you asked, cocking an eyebrow.

“Can’t” was all he said, standing up and pacing the bedroom a bit. He laughed lightly before looking at you, “I could… but I won't.”

You hugged your shirt to your chest, eyes looking down feeling incredibly exposed. “Why not?”

Astarion kneeled in front of you so he could look into your eyes, his heart cracked seeing tears in them. “Because I know that look. I know you don’t truly want to have sex.”

You closed your eyes, tears flowing over silently. You held your shirt tighter, “I’m sorry.” you whispered.

Astarion’s face was covered with confusion. “Little love, what ever could you be sorry for?”

“That I can’t please you… like that… the way you want.” you shifted to quickly slide your shirt back on. 

Astartion breathed out a sigh, he gingerly took your hand, kissing the knuckles. “Darling we could never touch again and I’d still adore you.” he smoothed his thumbs over your knuckles before looking into your eyes. He saw doubt, caution even. 

“You are not in the hells, you never have to reduce yourself like this again. You do what you want with your body when you want to. Sex should be mutually pleasurable, and consensual the entire time. Not something you do because you think you should…. Whatever you’re comfortable with is where I will meet you.” Astarion kissed the tear on your cheek. 

You instinctively smiled at his kind gesture, knowing no expectations were held behind it. “I’m sorry I left… I want you, Astarion.” you said looking into his eyes, “I want you and it terrifies me. I just had to get away. I know you’re not mine but seeing you with… another. It planted this bitter seed inside me.” An understanding smile fell upon his face, his eyes big and doe like. 

“If it’s any consolation… I want you too.” it was your turn to look shocked, you placed a gentle kiss on his lips. Feeling out how the sensation made you feel, truly feel. 

“Was that ok?” he asked, caressing your wrist. 

You nodded, blushing, “I quite like that.” 

Astarion wrapped you in a feather light hug, waiting for you to return it which you instantly did. You two breathed each other in for a moment before Astarion leaned back.

“We should get back to the tavern.” he pecked your forehead. 

You hummed in agreement, following him through the city. Fingers laced together. 

“Can I stay with you?… I sleep better with you near.” you asked quietly when Astarion walked you to your room. 

Astarion smiled, “I’d have it no other way my sweet.”

Hello! I hope this is a good part 2! My first ever request, ahhhhh I feel so special. Thank you all for supporting my writing, it brings me great joy and comfort. Thanks for all the likes, comments, reblogs, and requests! Ilysm, till next time darlings <3 xoxoxo!!

Sleep Well Pet

Astarion X Y/N - drabble - 927 WC

Masterlist

Warnings: injury to reader, descriptions of injury, blood, arguing, fainting, confessions, Astarion being sweet

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Astarion paced back and forth outside Shadowheart’s tent. Her and Gale doing their best to heal you after Orin slashed your side open. It was a deep gash, the blood that spilled out of it looked almost black. Astarion saw bone and knew the laceration could be fatal. The battle finished quickly, he rushed to you. Catching your head just before it hit the ground. Your vision was doubled and Astarion sounded far away. You watched the world around you blur and fade, the last thing you saw was Astarion’s hands covered in blood. 

You woke up and heard the sounds of the night. Grasshoppers, the chirps of bats, the bonfire crackling. You tried to get up, immediately groaning as you felt stitches in your side stretch uncomfortably. You lifted your shirt up, the gash was as long as your forearm. From your last rib to just barely past your hip bone. At least she used a sharp sword, making the gash nice and clean. You looked around the tent, you had been put in Astarion’s tent. Confusion filled you, sure you were friends, maybe even something more after your little romp in the clearing but you had no reason to be resting in his tent. The flap to his tent brushed open, your eyes found his. The tent remained silent.

“Help me up.” you said, struggling to even sit up.

“What?” Astarion said, kneeling next to you trying to keep you in place.

“I’m not staying in your tent.” you struggled against him for a moment before looking at his face, trying to see what he was so worked up about. 

“Really? That’s your concern? You almost died!” he shouted, standing and walking away from you with frustration. 

“Astarion, please let's not do whatever this is.” you said struggling to your knees, working up the motivation to stand. 

“Is it so difficult to hear that I’m worried about you?.” he said with venom in his voice. 

You used the stool next to his bed to stand, hand immediately coming to your wound. Your head was spinning, your hand felt wet. You looked down, seeing blood cover your palm. You looked at Astarion who had an angry look for a moment. It vanished instantly when you stumbled backwards, he caught you. Laying your unconscious self back onto his bedroll. He lifted your shirt, looking at the five busted stitches out of…. 28. Your bleeding was steady. He held a clean rag to your side. He poured an elixir of pain on the wound, numbing it. The last thing he wanted was you waking up mid stitch. He gingerly stitched you back up. He put a soothing salve on the stitches before wrapping your entire waist in gauze. He stayed next to you, watching you sleep. He knew why he was worried. He had known since you and him shared that night in the clearing. He had grown to like everything about you, but did an excellent job of acting aloof. He didn’t know how you felt, he couldn’t read you like everyone else.

-------------------

Your eyes rolled open sleepily, your side felt better but you could feel the heat coming from it. Astarion was meditating next to you, leaning against the pole holding the tent up. He always looked so pretty, you thought. You lifted your shirt, surprised to see you were patched back up. Your eyes scanned over Astarion, landing on his bloody hands. He had helped you. You didn’t mean to come off so mean earlier, but you had to be. The last few weeks he was all you could think of. After your lust filled night you developed, begrudgingly, feelings for him. The pale elf conquered every thought in your mind. You wanted him in every way. But you knew Astarion well enough to know what you two had was transactional. 

“I wished you knew how much I like you.” you whispered, fingers caressing the back of his hand. You stretched as much as your wound would allow before closing your eyes to get some rest. 

Astarion peeked his eyes open after a few moments, listening to your heart beat even out. “I know little love… and I feel the same.” he said, pulling the blanket up higher. He tucked you in, noticing how you nuzzled into his hand as he smoothed the blanket out and brushed you hair away from your face. He felt his heart swell. 

He gently leaned down and kissed your cheek, “Sleep well pet.” 

He went to walk out of the tent before he heard a faint, “Stay?” he looked you over, convinced he was hearing things. Your hand was stretched out, waiting for him. Your eyes barely open, you felt his hand slide into yours. “Sorry I was mean.” you whispered.

Astarion smiled, laying down next to you, caressing your hand. “So you like me, huh?” he asked.

Your eyes shot open and you looked at him with panic on your face. Astarion chuckled before he pressed a kiss to your lips softly. You hesitated but kissed him back after a moment. You opened your mouth to speak but Astarion beat you to it. “Rest now, we can talk in the morning. I’ll be right here when you wake up.” he smoothed his thumb over your cheek, kissing you one final time. You nodded at him, closing your eyes. Astarion wrapped himself around you carefully, avoiding your wound. Sighing with content, you slowly drifted off. Listening to Astarion whisper praises into your ear, and his strong arms holding you.

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Naboo's Note:

Hellooooooo :) just a little something that crossed my mind. I'm really loving writing for all of you <3 thank you for all the likes, comments, requests, and reblogs! See you all again soon! XOXOXO

Fae Folly

Astarion x Y/N - drabble - 1.2K WC NSFW 18+

Masterlist

Warnings: oral and penetrative sex, alcohol, sex pollen theme kinda?, descriptions of male and female anatomy

—————————

The wine in Baldur’s Gate was stronger than you anticipated. You had never had this concoction before, part elixir of folly and part sweet red from the high elves from far off in Faerun. You nicked it from behind the bar in Elfsong. You sat on your bed in the room you shared with your lover, Astarion. He was out right now, picking up some treats you asked for now that they were readily available. He insisted on spoiling you and indulging. The wine felt strong, just not in the sense you expected. You felt warm all over, everything felt sensitive. Your mind swimming with pure happiness and thoughts of Astarion. They started off simple and innocent enough. Thinking back to your adventures together and how you both managed to accidentally fall in love. You thought of how you healed each other. How you loved one another. You closed your eyes, finishing off the last of the bottle. You laid back on the bed, humming with content. 

That’s when it started to happen. Your skin prickled and crawled. It felt like warm needles in the best way. Your body tingled and your lower stomach felt like lava was poured into it. Pulses shot between your legs. You were shaking, running your hands over your body in attempts to calm your erratic heart beat. The touch made it worse, you felt overstimulated in your body and your mind. 

The door opened, Astarion smiled for only a moment before putting the treats on the desk and rushing to your side.

“Darling what’s wrong?” He asked, bringing his hands to yours.

You snatched your hands away from him, the touch feeling too intense. Astarion looked at the bottle next to you. He grabbed the familiar bottle, Fae Folly is what it was. In small doses, a euphoric drink. In large doses, a strong aphrodisiac that won’t fade until certain… needs are met. 

Astarion held the bottle, “How much did you drink?” 

“”Half” you struggled to get out, your hand wandering between your legs in an attempt to relieve yourself. 

Astarion’s eyes went wide. 200 years old or not he remembers how the high elves make this particular brew. The alcohol is weak, and wears off in about 30 minutes. But the elixir of folly lasts for hours. And the not so known ingredient, liquor of incubus, lasts until the consumers needs are met. Half a bottle was more than enough. Your shaking, the sweat on your brow, your hand between your legs… 

“Darling, do you know what this is?” He asked you, standing up and putting the empty bottle on the desk.

You shook your head, your body writhing and shaking in the bed. Frustrated, you yanked your hand out from between your thighs. Astarion was always beautiful, but he looked especially gorgeous tonight. You could see every detail about him through a haze of lust. You wanted him in the most carnal, primal way. Your eyes followed him around the room, waiting for him to speak.

“How long ago did this,” he gestured to you and the state you were in, “start?”

“An hour.” You whined, even speaking was becoming difficult. “Star please…” you begged, running your hands over your chest, playing with your nipples to bring you any relief.

Astarion couldn’t deny the jolt of arousal that shot through him at your whimpers. “Little love… I don’t want to take advantage of you.” 

“Star, the alcohol wore off ages ago… please darling…. It hurts…” you whimpered, tears making their way into your eyes from the pain of it all.

Astarion pulled you effortlessly to the edge of the bed by your ankle. You moaned just at the skin to skin contact. Astarion sunk to his knees, pulling your small clothes down and shirt off. His eyes met yours as he pulled your thighs apart. You sucked in a sharp breath as the cold night air hit your glistening cunt. 

“Are you sure darling?” He asked, inching closer.

“Yes… please.” You bucked your hips up. 

Astarion dove in like a man starved. You yelped at the contact but gods, you never wanted him to stop. Pure lightning coursed through you at every lick and suck. He slipped two fingers inside you, making you let out a strangled scream when he found the right spot inside you. How worked you over, fingers and tongue making the lava in your stomach boil over. It didn’t take long for you to let out a moan as you came on his tongue. 

You settled a bit, the feelings lingered and you could feel them bubbling up again. Astarion crawled up your body, his face covered with concern. “My sweet, where did you find that drink?”

“Behind the bar, I took it…” you said as you regulate your breathing.

“Well… you stole quite the drink. It’s meant to be taken in small amounts my love. It has side effects if taken in too high of a dose.” Astarion moved you to the top of the bed before moving to sit next to you. “Did I help?” He asked cautiously.

“A bit… it’s coming back Star…” you whined at him, ready to beg for him.

“Would you like me to help?” He asked, concern still present in his eyes but you could see the lust overtaking him.

“Please, Astarion please… I need you, I want you…” you babbled quickly while letting out sweet little noises.

Astarion ghosted his fingers over your body, he felt awful the drink was tormenting you but… there are worse ways to be tormented, especially with him there to help you. “You’re so sweet when you beg darling, it’s like music to my ears.” 

You opened your mouth to beg him to stop teasing, all that came out was a gasp as Astarion ran the head of his cock through your folds. Slapping the head on your clit a few times before slipping inside. He buried himself to the hilt, you let out delicious moans with each inch. He set a brutal pace, fingers laced with yours above your head. He kissed over your neck and chest, sucking hickies into you, eliciting moans that would make Haarlep blush. You could feel yourself boiling over, fluttering around Astarion making him groan and falter slightly. 

“Bite me…” you breathed out.

You didn’t have to ask him twice, he sunk his teeth into your neck. Delectable crimson gushed into his mouth sending him over the edge. He picked up his pace, groaning into your neck. The blood and overstimulation egged him on. You toppled over the edge as he licked your punctures clean. He continued fucking you through your orgasm, only slowing when you put your hands on his chest. 

Astarion rolled to lay next to you. “Hells darling… that was…”

“Amazing?” You asked, quirking an eyebrow at him while you tried to slow your heart beat.

“I don’t know if there is a word to describe the absolute bliss I just felt.” Astarion said before sitting up a bit. “Uh oh…”

“Uh oh? Uh oh what?” You sat bolt upright worried you crossed a boundary. 

“Darling I think your blood still has some remnants of the Fae Folly…” he said, sneaking his hand between your thighs. 

“What ever shall we do?” You asked, fake swooning back into the bed.

“You’ll just have to wait and see…” Astarion said, kissing all over your body. 

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Naboo's Note:

Hello!! I hope you all enjoy this little treat. I have surgery next week so I cannot speak to when the next fic will be out but if I get bored I'll try to write more. ILYSM <3 :)

Every Lifetime

Astarion x Y/N - drabble - 1.1K WC

Masterlist

Part 2

Warnings: Cazador being awful, violence, main character death, angst, compulsion, sad af

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Cazador removed Astarions blindfold roughly. His eyes taking time to adjust, he struggled a bit against the binds that tied his hands behind him. Cazador threw you down in front of Astarion. He swore his heart squeezed so tight in his chest he could hear it cracking. You were closer to Cazador than Astarion ever wanted you to be. 

“How rude of you not to introduce us to your friend. Did I raise you without manners, boy?” Cazador spat as he pulled you away from Astarion by your hair. You let out a shriek which only made Cazador pull harder. Astarion struggled but with his wrists and ankles bound there was nothing he could do. 

———————-

You and Astarion had known each other since you were young. Nearly inseparable as you grew up amongst the high elves despite being a drow. Astarion and you took care of each other and eventually went to Baldur’s Gate together, tasting freedom as adults for the first time. Neither of you ever said it, but neither needed to. You were it for each other. Like perfect puzzle pieces. You never yearned for another, always finding safety and solace in one another. 

The night Astarion was made a spawn was the worst night of your life. The gur beat you as well, not nearly as badly as they had him though. They just wanted you out of the way. You watched through hazy vision as Astarion went limp, battered and bloody, before they took him from the house you shared. You awoke the next day, everything destroyed and no Astarion to be found. You grew cold as your heart locked itself away. 

100 years passed but you remained in Baldur’s Gate. Astarion was your only home, so you settled in the last place you were together. You opened a little shop, making potions of different varieties. You made a good life for yourself. And yet, you felt so alone in the world. You never stopped wanting for Astarion. So when you bumped into him on your way home from your shop you were sure you were hallucinating. It was him but it wasn’t. This Astarion had white hair, red eyes, and fangs. He had been keeping an eye on you from the shadows since the day he was turned. He didn’t trust himself to be around you, not with the sanguine hunger constantly clawing its way up his throat. For 100 years he watched your flourish, and yet, you had an air about you that felt lonely. He missed you endlessly. Sometimes the thoughts and memories of you were all that kept him going. Cazador was a cruel master, he never wanted you mixed up with him. But Astarion couldn’t help it, he had gone without for 100 years. But having you in front of him, he couldn’t resist. No words were shared as you both attached your lips to each other fervently. Every emotion being let out into the kiss, both of you could feel tears on your faces. When you finally did break for air you held him tightly as he did with you. The cold aura you had melted away in an instant, you had him back. Your little star. Still as handsome as ever, but there was pain in him, you could see it. You pulled him into your house, the very same you had both resided in once. He looked around, smiling softly. It was very, you. Just the way he’d imagined it. 

“How?” was all you said, looking at him with big wet eyes.

“That night… I was so close to death, a man named Cazador promised he could save me… I was so afraid… I accepted and he turned me into this… this monstrous thing.” 

You could hear the hateful quiver in his voice. But also one of fear, of nervousness. You went to him, holding his face, looking deep into his eyes. “Vampire or not you are still my little star. Nothing will change that.” you kissed him again. He held you close, afraid that the last 100 years had changed him too much. 

He told you everything. Showed you the scars. Explained why he couldn’t stay but how he would always come back for you. And he did, he visited as often as he could. His master kept him on a short leash but you were just elated to have your love back. The world seemed brighter, sweeter. 

Until this fateful evening. The knock on the door wasn’t Astarion but another vampire. You had no time to react before he hit you, knocking you out, the world fading to black. And now you were here, in a grand palace being dragged away by your hair. Cazador held up a dagger, ready to strike you down before a devious little thought crossed his mind. Astarion begged and pleaded as Cazador stalked back to him. Do anything to him just please let you go. 

“Oh… Oh I see! How you have grown up Astarion. Find love did you? Well, why don’t you love them… to death.” Cazador laughed. He compelled Astarion to walk to you, forcing himself on top of you. You whimpered, not afraid of Astarion but afraid of what Cazador would do to him. You could see the same fear reflected in his own eyes. They were big and soft, you knew it wasn’t him doing any of this. 

“Please…” Astarion begged once more, tears streaming down his face. It almost made Cazador’s undead heart stir. Almost. 

“Drink.” Cazador demanded. Astarion let out a sob before sinking his teeth into your neck. You yelped, the unexpected pain catching you off guard. You could feel gulp after gulp of blood leaving you. You knew you were going to die, you made peace with it quickly. You tangled your hand into Astarions wispy locks. “I’ll find you again. In every lifetime. Always.” you reassured him. You grew cold, your hand falling limply from his hair. “Goodbye little star… I love you…” was the last you could manage to mumble out before slipping into oblivion.

When Cazador finally released Astarion he fell next to you, his body wracked with sobs. He traced his fingers softly over your face. “Darling please… wake up… I’m so sorry… I didn’t want to…” 

Cazador stalked over to him, making him rise out of compulsion. “You have no one in this world but me, boy. You’d do well to remember that.” he tossed Astarion aside, leaving him alone in the large palace hall. All Astarion could do was cradle your lifeless body, whispering to you, rocking you. Dreaming you would stir, you would wake up and reassure him everything was fine. 

You never did. He buried you himself, next to the same grave Cazador made him claw his way out of. He needed to be able to see you again, somewhere to find peace with you. He swore to you he would defeat Cazador. He would find you again, bring you back. In every lifetime. Always.

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Naboo's Note:

Ahhhhhh! So sad but fear not, there will be a part two! I'm hoping to get it out tomorrow or Saturday. Thank you all for being patient with me, today is the first day since surgery I haven't been 100% bed bound from the pain. Thank you all for the likes, comments, reblogs, and requests! Ilysm, see you again very soon! xoxoxoxo

Never Afraid Again

Astarion x Y/N - drabble - 798 WC

Masterlist

Warnings: heavy mention of SA, hurt/comfort, Astarion being a sweetie, def not trauma dumping

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At first, Astarion just thought you were amazing with boundaries. Every time he tried to entice you into his bedroll you politely declined. Astarion felt frustrated initially but when he truly felt feelings towards you, he seemed to mind less and less. But now, as time went on, he grew…. Antsy. You had never touched him outside of hugging him when he confessed or innocent touches like holding hands, soft pecks here and there. He wracked his brain but couldn’t understand why you wouldn’t touch him intimately. Astarions thoughts were interrupted when you walked into his tent giving him a small smile.

“Everything ok?” You asked, looking at Astarions scrunched up face.

“Darling… can I… do you…” he trailed off, laughing breathily. What he wanted to ask sounded ridiculous. 

You grew slightly worried, moving to sit with him, you tentatively took his hands. You traced over them, drawing invisible patterns into them. “What is it? You can tell me anything.” You encouraged him. 

“Do you… find me… attractive? Physically, I mean…” Astarion grumbled out. 

You laughed, cheeks flushing a bit before you realized he was being dead serious. “What? Darling, you are the most beautiful creature I ever beheld.” You said, tucking white curls behind his ears. 

Astarion’s lips twitched up momentarily, “Then… how come you never touch me? You always seem so… distant when it comes to touch. And of course I’d never want to force you… I’m just curious I guess?”

You nodded, understanding none of this was coming from a place of malice, just curiosity. Truth be told, you knew this conversation was going to be had at some point. You retracted your hands, taking a few deep breaths before speaking. Your hands picked at each other, trying to calm your erratic heart. Astarion had never seen you like this, you had been together for a year and he had never questioned this matter, and now, he is unsure if he should have brought it up at all. 

“A few months before we met… I was at The Blushing Mermaid with a few friends, we were celebrating ones new apprenticeship. Something was wrong with my drink so I went to the alley for some fresh air… I didn’t… I didn’t see them, I didn’t know anyone followed me…” your voice hitched, you cleared your throat before continuing. “They… took liberties… they forced me… I didn’t want to… Lucretious found me, she kept me safe in the circus until, well, until the nautiloid.” You quickly wiped the tear away that spilled unceremoniously. You couldn’t look Astarion in the eyes, you didn’t want to see the pity or disgust or anything. 

Astarion’s mind was brewing with violent fantasies of what he could do to your attacker. Everything made sense now. Why you jumped whenever he walked up behind you, why you were so on edge in Baldur’s Gate, why you never sought out intimate touch. 

“Darling,” he spoke, in hopes of getting your eyes to meet his. You cautiously flicked your eyes to his, only for a moment. “What happened to you wasn’t your fault. It was a vile, wretched thing that never should have happened and I’m… I’m so sorry it did my love.” He spoke softly, slowly opening his hand to you, giving you the choice to take it or reject it. You took his hand and pulled yourself into him for a hug. He shifted you so you sat in his lap, your head in the crook of his neck. You let it out, all of it. You wept for what felt like ages. Your hands fisted Astarions shirt tightly, tears fell onto the fabric. Astarion held you tightly, kissing your head and whispering affirmations to you. 

When your breathing mellowed out and your sobs turned into random mewls, only then did Astarion pull away to look at you. “You never have to be afraid like that again… I’ll always be here for you, with you…” he delicately kissed your cheek, “We never have to do anything you don’t want to do.” 

For the first time since you walked into the tent that night, you smiled at him. It was a small smile but a smile no less. “I want to… do things with you… it’ll just take time. When it happened, I felt like somebody ripped all my skin off. It takes time to grow back. But when I am ready… I want to do those things with you.” Astarion smiled back at you. His eyes had never been so soft and round. He truly loved you, and whatever you needed he would be there for you. 

You tentatively took his face in your hands, kissing him softly. He held your wrists, kissing them both when you two separated. “Love you.” You said, blushing. 

“Love you most.” He said back as you snuggled yourself into him.

-----------------

Naboo's Note:

Hello everyone! A bit of a heavier piece but it felt good to write. If you or someone you know has been SA'd and would like help please reach out to +1 202-501-4444 this is a world wide SA crisis line operating 24/7. You aren't alone in this. In writing news - I'm going to post another fic or two today. As always - thank you for the likes, comments, reblogs, and requests. Ilysm, talk soon xoxoxoxo

Remember Me

summary: you cant make sense of where you are or even how you ended up in this cell, hells, you're not even sure of who you are at this point; any memories of your past are a blur. its all the more confusing when a group of adventurers come rescue you, and a particularly worried pale elf takes it upon himself to help you remember who you are.

rating: E

word count: 7k

pairing: astarion x you (fem!reader, reader is tav)

cw: 18+. angst, act 3 spoilers related to astarion's side quest, mentions of kidnaping and torture, memory loss, blood feeding, vampire bites, smut, oral (f!receiving), p in v, The Leg Thing followed by mating press, sweet love making, love confession. full list on ao3

a/n: loosely based on this audio (18+) from OGY.

read on ao3

or keep reading down below~

Pain.

It’s the first thing that hit you when your consciousness came back to you.

How much everything fucking hurt.

Your entire body felt as if it had gone through the nine Hells, all at once; you could barely find the strength in yourself to get to your feet, let alone push yourself off the ground.

Then it was the disarray when you couldn’t place what had happened for you to feel so awful.

It was as if you had woken up from a long sleep; distant voices in your head, blurry faces merging together when you closed your eyes, and an awful feeling of emptiness, as if you had forgotten something extremely important but you couldn’t put your finger on it, no matter how much you thought about it.

Nothing but endless darkness.

As much as you tried to remember your life, anything before this moment, you were met with a dark fog clouding your vision. Your family, your friends — if you even had any — had all vanished from your memory. You think you remember yourself, for the most part, but even that was a stretch; you couldn’t even remember your own bloody name.

You look around you, realising for the first time that you were in a prison cell. The course of events after waking up in this dark cell hadn’t helped; the sudden cold inhabiting you, followed by this man — this monster — barging in without as much as a warning before pushing you face first against the ground and ripping open your shirt, to then torture you as he carved your back with his knife, only to leave as suddenly as he had appeared. Barely a few words exchanged, aside from some mumbling about teaching “him” a lesson, whoever that was, and you were alone once again.

Alone, with nothing but this seething pain in your back from the butchery you had gone through, the hunger digging into your belly, and your blood leaking from your shivering form, pooling around you on the cold, hard floor.

You barely had the time to gather your thoughts when the same man came back barely minutes later to carry you out of your cell and into a larger room — keeping you restrained with some magic that visibly came from his staff — where more people waited.

By the looks of it, you had been right on one thing: this was indeed a dungeon, and you were located in the deepest part of them; this room contained only a round, rock platform, located above an endless, foggy pit.

In the state you were in, you couldn’t catch everything he said as he went on a monologue. Something about powers, freedom; whatever it was, they needed you to achieve it, that was the only thing that was clear from his speech. You couldn’t understand how any of them would follow a maniac like him, but in their eyes you noticed how they listened to his words with as much fear as awe.

Your form was shivering from the cold; you wanted to cover up your top which had been previously ripped off from your body, but it was all in vain: the restraints of his magic kept you in place, and right after his speech, you were sent flying over a designated spot floating above the ground, just like all the six other people that had surrounded you previously.

Your arms remained bound to your sides by whatever spell this monster had cast on you, leaving your chest exposed to the damp, cool air of this dungeon, and your fresh wound stinging evermore at your back.

You remember the panic tightening in your chest when you realised you couldn't escape. You remember the brief relief, hope even, at the sight of a group of adventurers approaching — one of the figures shouting at the man in the middle of the room — followed by explosions and screams. Then the fear settled in when you saw them execute one of the other unfortunate souls magically held floating around this room, one new truth forming in your mind.

They weren’t here to save you.

You would be next. They would kill you. You would die here.

The pressure in your chest grew tighter as you closed your eyes and mourned your life, one you didn’t even remember experiencing, one that — you hope — had been full of adventures, of acquaintances… of love.

This last one must’ve been true. You remember being loved — more so how it felt, even if the feeling seemed so far and long ago. You remember the butterflies in your belly, the fluster in your heart, the heat between your legs; you remember just enough to know that if you died today, at least, you would’ve died as someone who had been loved.

You didn’t expect your feet to touch the cold hard ground once more. You remember falling to your knees, your body exhausted by the abuse it had gone through in just the last few hours. You remember your dry throat when you noticed the butchered corpse in the middle of the room, barely recognizable anymore.

“Gods… what has he done to you?”

But you couldn’t seem to place the face of your saviour. The bloodied, silver curled elf who had rushed to kneel next to you after defeating your captor, who approached you and held your face so carefully.

How those crimson eyes of his had widened in horror when you flinched at his touch and backed away.

Him and his group had killed one of you who stood in this circle, who’s to say he wasn’t here to finish the job? Lure you in with a sweet touch only to snap your head off; you knew better than to let yourself fall for the first man to approach you.

“Darling, it’s over now.” He had said with his voice low, getting back on his feet to approach you as if you were an injured beast, “Just take my hand, we’re getting out of here.”

You didn’t know whether to feel insulted or reassured by his assertiveness, but you remained frozen in place, your eyes switching from the hand extended out to you and his severe look that you reciprocated with a frown to hide your terror.

“Look,” he sneered, “you can either take my hand, come with me out of this hellhole, or rot away in this godsforsaken—”

From behind him, someone from his group called out a name which stopped him mid-sentence just as his tone was rising.

“Astarion.”

A name that felt oddly familiar, despite the void in your memories. It danced beautifully as it echoed across the room and around your mind; there was something about it that just sounded right.

Astarion. A name worthy of being written in the stars, you find yourself thinking, the sound of it bringing you a familiar sense of peace, of security.

Astarion. Maybe if you repeated it enough in your head, something clearer would come up. Maybe, just maybe, then you would remember.

He took a deep breath and continued, which brought you back from your reverie, “I’m quite certain you went through the Hells and back, but for now, I’ll have to ask you to trust me, just as you’ve done in the past. Can you do that for me?”

He extended out his hand once more, this time a request rather than a command, his voice carrying out his concerns, “Can you trust me?”

“Why would I trust someone I’ve just met?” You wanted to ask, but something about the way he asked struck a chord, as if you did know him. As if you knew he spoke true when he said you used to trust him, and you finally accepted the hand he held out to you.

A hand that pulled you to your feet, and guided you out of this dreadful place.

You were given a cloak to cover your shivering form, and you walked along with them back to their camp. Back to this intriguing, yet charming man’s tent, where they all agreed you should rest for the night.

The first thing that hit you when you stepped in was the smell.

You didn’t know what it was exactly, you couldn’t recognize it, but it was intoxicating; it only made your stomach churn more. As the adrenaline of the previous hour settled down, you fell to your knees, grabbing onto your waist as the pain that had been muted came back screaming through your guts.

“Shit—” He rushed down to check on you, with one hand down your back, holding onto you, “Darling, talk to me, what’s wrong?”

“What isn’t wrong?! I was tortured, starved off, almost sacrificed for all I know, and I can’t even remember who I fucking am!” Is what you wanted to say, but all you could manage out is a groan in the middle of your sobs.

When you lifted your head, your eyes fell onto the set of messily arranged bottles from where the strong smell came from, and a quick exchange of glances told him everything he needed to know.

“Of course, you’re hungry,” He sighed heavily, "Look, I’ll gladly offer you some from my own reserves — after I’ve taken a look at your wounds.”

You had almost forgotten about them.

You averted your eyes from his gaze, your mind now racing as you expected the worst. You had no way to see what had been done to your back, but the pain you had gone through was a good indicator of how bad it would look.

Met with your silence, he continued, “I need… to see what he’s done to you. Please.”

Your eyes went back and forth between him and the dark bottles briefly considering pouncing on them to get a taste as your mouth watered in anticipation, but you reluctantly turned your back to him as you sat with your legs pressed back into your stomach, barely helping mitigate the pain in your stomach.

As you let the cloak fall from your shoulders, you heard nothing but a shaky, deflated sigh behind you. Seconds of silence passed before you considered turning around, but a part of you was terrified of the look you would find on his face.

You finally found the strength to utter your first words.

“Is it… that bad?” Your voice was rough from neglect, as the last time you had used it had been to scream when you received this torture.

You heard him take a deep breath, shaking away the shock that had previously rendered him speechless, “You must’ve already known what he carved away in your back. Hells, I knew before even looking, but seeing it…” he pauses, his tone quieting, “seeing it is another story completely.”

“I… I don’t know,” you muster with a weak voice. It's true, you had no idea, he had carved your damn back, you had no way to see the extent of his torture.

He took a deep breath, shaking away the feelings that had sneaked their way into his voice, “It’s no matter, it’s over now; Cazador is dead. He won’t hurt—” he paused, as if processing the information himself, “Anyone, ever again.”

You turned around to face him this time, “Who’s Cazador?”

He huffed, “I’m glad it was that easy for you to forget about him, but when you’ve suffered under his hand for nearly two centuries, the memories tend to linger.”

You remained silent as you stared at him, just as shocked as you were confused by his words. When he noticed your stare, his face twisted in concern, “Oh shit, you’re serious.”

You nodded silently.

He continued, tentatively, “He was my master, he’s the one we killed back in the dungeons — the one who abducted you, who did this to you. Do you not remember any of this?”

You shook your head slightly, never leaving his gaze.

“Oh dear.” His voice dropped as his eyebrows raised and his eyes widened all at once, “Do you remember anything at all — the absolute, our adventure… Do you remember… me?”

His eyes went back and forth between yours, as if he was searching them for any sign of recognition, looking for you, whoever you were behind those confused, teary eyes. You gave him another shy shake of your head, followed by a single tear coming down your cheek, a tear you weren’t sure why it was shed; whether it was from the loss of yourself, or the mourning of something you didn’t even remember having.

“Gods…” He breathed out heavily as his sight left you, his mind visibly ruminating. “He can’t… He couldn’t have… He…”

His tone suddenly changed as he growled, “That monster.”

He closed his eyes and shook his head before looking back at you, “You were with us just yesterday. You were — are this group’s leader. If… If you have no memories of your mortal life then it means…” he looked away, frowning, “He rushed your transformation to replace me in the ritual.”

None of the words he had said made any sense to you, “Transformation?”

He turned back to you to be met with your visible confusion, and he explained further, “Normally, when you’re turned, you need to be drained of your blood and buried six feet underground, before you can crawl out of your tomb to be reborn. This process takes a day, usually, and when you awaken, you are still you, but immortal and bound to your master,” he spat out the last word like it left a bitter aftertaste on his tongue.

“Now you,” he continues, “you were turned within twelve hours, which would explain why your eyes are only half red, why your fangs haven’t come out yet, and…” his voice quieted down, “why you have no memories of your past. As if the rushed transformation had actually killed this part of you along with your humanity.”

You remained focused on the first thing he had said: your eyes had changed colour?

You hadn’t had the chance to look at yourself since your awakening and if not remembering your name wasn’t anxiety inducing enough, you realised you couldn’t even recall what you looked like.

All of a sudden, panic rushed its way into your heart; you needed to see yourself. You frantically looked around the tent to find anything that could send back your reflection and practically jumped on the pocket mirror when you spotted it nearby Astarion.

Only the mirror was broken. It must’ve been; it reflected nothing.

“If that wasn’t obvious by now, this should’ve clarified things a bit,” he said.

He lowered the mirror you still held in front of you, expecting your image to be reflected eventually, maybe at a different angle, maybe with more light. Maybe another one would, maybe you were just delirious from everything that had happened only today.

“You’re a vampire now. No matter the angle, you’ll never see your reflection come out of this mirror. Believe me, I’ve tried.”

Vampire.

The word didn’t make sense; nothing made sense.

Yet, when you parted your lips to let your tongue run against your teeth; you found your canines the same size they were, that they should’ve been, but they were much sharper than what would be considered normal and you almost pierced your tongue from the gesture.

“Maybe…” he carried on, lost in thought, “there’s even a chance that the tadpole has been messing around with more of the changes your body is going through.”

“Tadpole?” You interjected, your head shaking of its own in disbelief. “What?”

He huffed in astonishment, “So you really do remember nothing.”

You sighed, “I— I don’t… As much as I try, I’m met with a void of memories. The only thing remotely familiar since I woke up has been… you.” His eyes had gone soft and bright with hope, but also melancholy. “I don’t know who you were to me, and I don’t know why, but some part of me knew I could trust you.”

He chuckled, a sad smile finding its way over his lips, “Even with your memories gone, it seems I can’t leave your mind, can I?”

You gave him a smile of your own, “Would you mind… reminding me of my life? Of us?”

“Gods, where to start, darling. Would you believe me if I told you our story began with me holding a knife to your throat?”

You found yourself smiling unconsciously, “With everything that's happened to me in the last few hours, I find that easy to believe.”

“And strangely enough it's probably the least odd part of our story.” He tilted his head, giving you a genuine smile before carrying on.

“It’s all tedious, really, but… There’s one memory I want to tell you about: The night of the tiefling party. Ugh, it was dreadful for the most part; the wine tasted like vinegar, the music was too loud, and there were too many of those bloody tieflings at our camp, to be quite sincere— “

“Not a people’s person I take it?”

“My dear, after years of being forced on and by people, the last thing you want is to be surrounded by more of them.” The sight of you parting your lips and raising your eyebrows told him you had also forgotten about this and he quickly caught onto it, changing the direction of the discussion back to the topic at hand. “But, there was one good thing that came out from this night: when we met in the woods. I had high hopes of you joining me there — although no doubts, of course — I was the most suitable option among our group after all.”

“Most suitable? Someone else wanted to spend the night with… me?”

“Darling, the whole world and their mother wanted a special moment with you. But only one of us got that honour. A chance to steal away with everyone’s new favourite leader.”

The faint sounds of the party fading: music echoing through the forest, people laughing, the cool air of a summer’s night breezing through, and good company throughout the night.

“I have been waiting for you. Waiting since the moment I first saw you. Waiting… to have you.”

You blinked, “You… were waiting for me in the woods, I’m— I’m remembering.”

“I did put a lot of effort into my entrance, I would be upset if you didn't remember it quite honestly.” You laughed softly. “Do you remember what happened afterwards?”

Your eyes roamed as you pushed the memory further, before you lifted your head to meet his gaze, “You… kissed me.”

“After you had the audacity to say I didn't have you yet while you had come to me of your own volition, yes, and then?”

You chuckled, but your smile quickly faded as your memory unlocked the next part of this puzzle. He looked at you with a knowing glint in his eyes; he was simply waiting for you to say it yourself.

“We made love.”

He sighed dramatically, “Love is such a big word for what happened back then, but…” his tongue clicked, accentuating the end of the word, “That was certainly the start of it. The start of a series of feelings that came and complicated everything. It’s what pushed me, soon after, to confess to you that it was all part of a silly plan I had to keep you in my favour. I was terrified, honestly, especially considering it was all because I initially manipulated you to fall for me…”

He paused, searching your expression before carrying on, and continued when he found nothing but soft eyes looking back. “But then — despite everything — there you were, holding me tight.”

He let go of a deep breath.

“For so long I had nothing — no one. And all of a sudden, there’s you, who held onto me, who cared so much more than anyone ever did. And I found myself not wanting to let go. I couldn't.”

He frowned, turning his gaze away, “And Cazador used that against me. As soon as he had word of my whereabouts in Baldur’s Gate and the crowd I was hanging out with, he jumped at the first chance to torture me once more. He probably thought I was unaffected by any physical pain he could impose on me by now, so he did the next worst thing: take it out on the one person I cared about in this wretched world.” He shook his head, “If we hadn’t gotten there in time—”

“But you did.” You interrupt. “You saved me and yourself in the process. This ritual wouldn’t have given you the freedom you think it carried.”

His eyes lit up, “You talk as if you knew what it entailed.”

You nodded, “It’s coming back to me, bit by bit. I remember what you told me about him. I remember the purpose of the ritual, and your plan to replace him and take his power instead.”

He sighed, “Gale thought brilliant to kill one of my brothers to stop Cazador from carrying on with the ritual. Bloody wizard didn’t realise it meant I couldn’t continue it myself then.

“Maybe he did.” His gaze flickered back to you in confusion before you continued, “You don’t need satanic powers to carry on, Astarion. You’re free now.”

He huffed, “And all it cost was my life in the sun.”

“Well,” you tilted your head, “It did cost me mine too. Once the tadpoles are gone, we’ll both be banished to the shadows once again. But we’ll be together, and that’s something at least.”

He rolled his eyes before landing them on you, “At least the transformation didn’t take away from your heartbleeding optimism, dear.”

You chuckled, “Thank the Gods for that— ugh!”

You clutched at your stomach, your body tilting forward in pain, and Astarion instantly knew the cause of your suffering; it’s something he recognized all too well.

“Hells, you must be starving. Gods know Cazador wouldn’t waste a single drop on a lowly spawn — no offence, dear.”

“None taken,” you forced a humourless laugh. “I shouldn’t have expected much considering I was to be cattle for a satanic ritual.”

He turned around and you kept a close eye on him as he handled the bottles beside him, pulling out a silver cup out of his bag of holding to pour you a portion.

“Here,” he sat back down, parting his legs open, extending one arm to you, “Come on love, sit back against me, would you?”

You stared unsure for a few seconds but obliged him. You scooted back until your back was fully resting against his chest, leaving no space lost between the two of you.

When he brought the cup forward you reached for it but he pulled back, clicking his tongue, “Oh no, my sweet, I will be the one to feed you tonight. This is your first time, we wouldn't want your primal instincts to take over now, would we?”

You turned around to stare at him for some time with incertitude and he simply tilted his head, with a sly smile, “Humour me, darling. You’ll be glad you did, hm?”

You pressed your lips together almost pouting, but acquiesced as you nestled yourself between his legs, your tense body laying against his chest once again.

He brought the cup to your mouth at long last, while his other hand held onto your chin. You gasped at his touch — while not unwelcome, it was a surprise — and you parted your lips to welcome your drink.

His hands were rough against your skin, yet there was a softness to it that made you melt under his touch. Made you want to push further into his hand to know how it would feel around your throat. It was almost enough to make you forget about the drink against your lips. Almost.

While the mere closeness of it had been invigorating, drinking it was ecstatic. It felt like your first meal in weeks, and it might as well have been with the pit that had replaced your stomach.

You took big gulps of the delectable nectar, barely pausing for air as you rushed to empty the cup’s content, eager to have your fill with this delicious substance.

“Slowly now darling,” he pulled the cup away from your lips and you gasped at the loss of your feeding source, “This is your first time feeding; I wouldn’t rush things.”

You frowned, but complied; even if you were starving, he had over two hundred years of experience with this form — you barely had a few hours. Your mind wasn’t all there yet either, and it's true that you couldn’t trust those new primal instincts to be civil enough to drink responsibly.

You held onto the one truth you knew, one that was clear ever since the start: you trust him.

You eased back into him, letting him hold you and guide you throughout your meal. The cup rested at a slightly down angle against your lips to allow you good mouthfuls of blood without overfeeding you all at once.

“There, good girl,” he purred. “You are doing so well for me, love. Small sips now, let your body recuperate from the shock.”

There was something about his voice that soothed you, brought you a peace of mind, a calm after this storm that had been your last few hours.

A shiver down your spine, that travelled all the way down between your legs.

You finished the content of the cup at a slower pace than you had started, soothed by his soft approach and the new blood filling your stomach, and he took this chance to explain more about your condition while pouring you another serving.

“Considering this is your first feeding, you’ll need a bit more to carry on until your next meal. Mind you, it’s normal if you don’t feel full; this is a curse, after all. The real challenge is to learn to live with your hunger.” He cleared his throat as he brought the cup back up to your lips, full again, “Alright now, open up, love.”

You hungrily parted your bloodied lips to welcome another serving.

“There, there, just like that.” A soft whimper left your throat between sips, and he caressed your cheek with his thumb, “Shhh, you're okay, you're doing just fine.” He leaned next to your head to whisper, “You’re perfect, my sweet.”

For a moment, you could swear you felt your heart beat anew.

You drank with his help until you finished one full bottle from his reserve, and with the pain in your stomach settling down, you allowed your body to relax against him. That’s when you felt something poking against your back, something you wanted to taste as much as the blood that had blessed your tongue just moments ago.

And he must’ve known, too.

“So, as you must’ve realised, your hunger was a side effect of the transformation. But what you’re feeling now, which I can very much smell on you, is a result of your feeding.”

If any of the blood you had ingested had made it in your veins by now, they must’ve all rushed to your cheeks at this very moment.

“Blood,” he continued, “Brings us back alive temporarily; it warms us, allows our hearts a few shy beating of their own, but it also reawakens other mortal pleasures. The first time it can be… a tad overwhelming.”

“It’s…” You hadn’t realised how quiet your heart had been until it started beating away once more in your chest; your cheeks felt warm, your breathing had accelerated, and your core was aching. You breathed out your reply, “It really is.”

As you turned your head aside, resting against his shoulder, and your eyes lingered over his lips, another primal urge awoke in you to devour him, in every way possible. You needed to taste him, his mouth, his blood, his come—

Until you were blessed with another sudden memory, and you turned away from his lips, gazing anywhere that wasn’t on him to stop yourself from acting irrationally.

“Wait, no, I’m sorry—”

He grabbed your chin and turned you back to him in one fluid movement. “You have nothing to be sorry for, darling, and I would be more than happy to entertain these carnal thoughts I saw in those eyes of yours. Unless you’d rather spend the night with someone else?” he teased.

You held your breath as he brought you closer to him, his hand lingering over your cheek. If you just closed the distance now, you could—

“No, Astarion, I won't force—”

“Stop that right now.” He cut you off without skipping a beat, stunning you once more. “You are not forcing yourself onto me or forcing me. This, right now, right here, is my decision.”

His other hand came up to cup your face, drawing you closer to him, your lips but a whisper apart.

“I want this,” he murmured against your lips, his voice lustful and heavy with need. “I want… you.”

Your eyes locked and the second after, his lips were pressed against yours and you let yourself get lost into this kiss. How his hands held on to your face, how his tongue tasted the blood on your lips, how he whimpered into your mouth at the contact of your own tongue; this memory of love you had remembered earlier, it had been a memory of this.

His kiss, his touch, his voice, him.

Your kiss was engulfing, springing your heart back to life in a sudden rush as you met every of his kisses with the same passion, and soon enough, you were laying back against his bedroll, with him over you and stealing your breath away; one — you didn’t realise yet — you didn't need anymore.

His hands rested next to your head and you allowed yourself to reach up to hold his face, trace the lines of his age over his cheeks and down his neck, and trailing along the opening of his shirt before he broke apart from your lips.

“I’ve been thinking about this for many nights now.”

“What would I be like as a vampire?” You asked semi-jokingly.

“No, silly — Although, the question did flit into my mind once or twice, but no. I was thinking of how I would have you, the next time I would bed you. I’ve touched myself at the thought of having you again, the sounds you would make, how your cunt would feel wrapped around my cock instead of my hand—”

He took your hand from where it was resting and guided it down between his legs, and a short gasp escaped you when you felt how hard he was.

“ —but tonight, after spending a lifetime looking for it, I finally know what I want.” His half-lidded eyes seemed darker than they had been, and you lost yourself in them, "And Gods help me if I can't have you—”

“I’m yours,” you answered back in a heartbeat, your voice but a whisper, “I’ve always been, and I’ll always be, for as long as you’ll have me.”

Your words broke the remaining chains of control Astarion had over himself, as he pulled your pants off from you and removed his own shirt while your hands fumbled with his trousers. A moment later, you both laid against one another, as bare as you were on your first days on this plane of existence, your lips back on each other.

“Mmh, I wonder…” Astarion let his kisses trail down from your mouth to your jaw, then your neck.

“Hm?”

“Now that you’re a vampire,” he left small kisses alongside your neck and down your shoulder, “your blood will taste different.”

“You’ll still drink from me?”

“Well of course, dear,” he lingered in the crook of your neck, before licking his way up to your ear where he whispered, “And I can’t wait to know how you taste after you’ve tasted me.”

You shivered against his breath, fully expecting him to bite you following those words, and when he didn’t you were almost disappointed. He, on the other hand, seemed extremely satisfied with himself.

“Eager already? And here I thought I was the most depraved between the two of us.” You sighed heavily as he came back up to face you, “Maybe I will be tasting you tonight, after all. Is this something that you want?”

You smiled softly, your hand finding his cheek again, “Yes.”

When your lips met this time, it was soft, pure, communicating words you hadn’t exchanged yet despite your longing for one another. It only made you want him more.

“Speaking of tasting you,” he said against your lips, “I wonder if something else has changed.”

You barely had time to process what he had said when he made his way down your chest, briefly sucking on one of your nipples.

“Mh,” he released it with a pop, “this one still tastes the same.”

He moved to your other breast to give it the same attention, teasing it with his teeth and earning him a moan from you before releasing it, “This one as well.”

He left a path of kisses as he trailed down your navel, until he was resting between your legs with a hungry look in his eyes, “Now, for the main course—”

You weren’t prepared for his fangs to dig in the inside of your thighs, making you scream in surprise as your hands grabbed onto the sheet of his bedroll. The pain quickly turned into pleasure as he nibbled and kissed the softness of your thigh, before making his way to your wet slit, which begged for attention.

The smell of you invaded his senses and you could feel his breath over your core as he breathed you in, his arms now wrapped under your thighs as he laid on his stomach and between your legs, “Darling, you smell divine.”

A soft whimper escaped your lips as his tongue pressed against your entrance and he slowly licked all the way up to your clit, “And you taste— Gods, you taste even better than before.” He smiled up to you, his mouth covered by a cocktail of your blood and juices. “I didn’t think it could be possible.”

You were past words by now, but even if you had come up with something, you don’t think you would’ve been able to utter anything with the way his tongue worked between your legs, devouring you of your essence.

“I would forsake blood for the rest of my days if it meant I could nourish myself only of your essence, my love,” he said between licks of you. “The Gods truly made you to ruin me; I could never move on from your taste, even if I wanted to.”

His hands surrounding your thighs and his nails digging in your flesh kept you in place as he continued to worship you, and no matter how much you wiggled, his hold on you held on, as if you were the first meal he was having in days and he wouldn’t let you go until he was sated.

Astarion recognized the signs of your unbecoming as your breathing started shaking and your legs tensed around his head, pushing him to tease you further.

“Are you gonna come for me now?” He smiled between your legs, “Come on, love. Come for me. Come on my tongue.”

The vibration of his humming as he continued to savour you only added to the feeling of his tongue, lapping at your entrance and sucking over your sensitive bud, and his nails digging deeper into your thighs added a delicious hint of pain. After weeks without any sex, you were sensitive to the slightest touch, and now there he was: tasting you, devouring you, wanting you; it was all too much.

“Ah… Astarion!”

Your head fell back against the rough floor of his tent as your back arched and stars clouded your vision. You knew how ironic it was to think so, but you had never felt more alive than you did at this very moment, with your devoted lover worshipping you like the goddess who had finally answered his prayers from all those years ago.

Your legs collapsed as he let go of them to move back up to face you, and he took this chance to hook your leg with his, pushing it upwards to create the perfect angle for him to place himself against your entrance.

Your half-lidded eyes met his, delirious with lust, and you wanted to express the feeling that had been weighing on you for too long now, but when his lips collided with yours and you tasted yourself, all those words got lost on his tongue exploring your mouth.

“I’ve waited so long to finally have you,” he said breathlessly against your lips. “I kept pushing back, thinking it was never the right time.”

He licked his lips, wiping off the string of saliva that connected your mouths. “When you disappeared… I thought I had lost my only chance. I’m done waiting around.”

He slowly pushed himself into you with a low groan as he felt your slickness wrap around him, and you threw your arms around his neck as you moaned into his ear.

“Fuck, you’re so wet. So tight and warm, all for me. I would stay here inside of you for a decade if I could. You feel exquisite, my love.”

He retracted himself slowly, and plunged back in with the same agonising pace, taking in the feeling of your inside. “I’ll enjoy taking my time with you; discovering what makes you tick, tease every one of your sensitive spots. But tonight — I just want this: feeling you wrapped around me and to know that I’m the reason for your unbecoming.”

His pace accelerated, each thrust of his hips brushing against your clit as your bodies almost fused as one, pushing you closer to another edge already.

A particularly well placed thrust had you dig your nails into his back and he hissed into your ear, “Darling,” he panted, “Remind me to trim your nails when we’re done.”

You quickly realised what he meant when a poignant smell, stronger than the bergamot, brandy, and rosemary you smelled on him previously, invaded your nostrils and your mouth watered in response. What you didn’t realise was how you ended up breathing down his neck, just against the popping vein conveniently displayed for you to bite down on. Just one bite away from ecstasy.

“Still hungry, little love?”

You were snapped out from your daze by his voice purring into your ear, pulling away from his neck and blinking as you gained back control of your thoughts.

“I’m— It’s just— Your blood smells really, really good.”

He chuckled, “I tend to have that effect on people. Would you like a taste?”

You forced yourself to look into his eyes, “I… Are you sure?”

He smiled, “There’s nothing I’d like more, my love.”

His gaze reflected sincerity and you gulped as you found your way back in the crook of his neck, your lips brushing against his sensitive skin. You licked the vein you had sensed earlier but didn’t push further. That’s when you felt the vibration of his chuckle, “Go on, darling. I can take it, I promise.”

With his permission, you pushed your small fangs right over the vein in his neck, relishing in the sudden flood of his crimson in your mouth.

Whatever you drank a few minutes ago was nothing compared to his blood. He was the source in a desert you had been roaming for days, one you couldn’t believe wasn't an illusion, and you drank, and drank, losing yourself in his neck, in his taste, the very essence that fueled him.

You couldn’t tell how much you had drank or how much time had passed when he growled and pinned your arms next to your head. His hips thrusting once, deeper into you and hitting your cervix is what makes you unlatch from his neck with a moan.

“I believe that’s enough, love. Now, let me taste you.”

His lips collided with yours hungrily as he increased his pace between your legs, and he groaned at the taste of himself on your lips, running his tongue across your small fangs.

“Fuck, I need you, I need to make you mine. I need—”

Something snapped within him, a side of him you couldn’t recall ever seeing — one that he could finally let go as he pushed your legs up, pinning them down across your chest and pounded deeper into you.

He growled into your ear as he desperately rutted into you, nearing the edge of his climax at the same time as yours, “I want you, I want you for the rest of our lives, please be mine, be mine, be mine!”

“I’m yours, I'm yours, I— I love you!”

You screamed as you came, his own orgasm following closely after yours, the wave of emotions clashing with the sparks of pleasure coursing throughout your body, and for a moment, you think you died and came back to life within the same minute. It was stronger than anything you remember feeling — even with your memories still scattered, you think you’d remember something as powerful.

It’s only when you came back to your senses and was met with Astarion’s soft, dumbfounded expression, that you realised what you had just said. Panic slowly made its way into your heart and you struggled to find the right words to correct yourself.

“I’m sorry— I—”

He didn’t allow you to finish that sentence, kissing you once more to steal away those thoughts of regret that faded instantly as he pulled back to speak.

“I love you too, darling.”

Your future was paved with incertitude; your memory wasn’t all there yet, but you remembered what was important for now, and if forgetting your past was the price to create new memories with him, it was a price you were willing to pay.

Thank you for reading! Comments, reblogs, and likes are very much appreciated <3

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☆ with you, eternally

astarion x male reader [he / him]

sypnosis: (spawn) astarion decides to step out into the sun after his partner passes away so they could be together forever. (meant to be viewed as romantic)

the lowercase is intentional !

- warnings: character death

it had been a while since all the mindflayers and the tadpoles and the brain. actually, it had been years. decades had already come and go since then, and astarion couldn't tell that so long had already passed.

yet, so many things reminded him that time was going past.

[name] was aging, gracefully in fact. astarion loved all the wrinkles that adorned his lover's skin, or the greys that streaked [name]'s hair. those small details helped remind astarion that the world was still progressing, that he wasn't stuck in one place dreading for his end like when he was with cazador. though, it did feel like he was stuck in time, but that was because he was with [name]. he always felt as if he was stuck in slow motion with him, never wanting the days, weeks, months and years to come to an end.

but, as time progressed, [name]'s health started to decline. it wasn't anytning at first, he was perfectly fine. yet, when the wrinkles started growing deeper and when he'd get ill more often astarion knew something was up. he knew that his time with [name] wasn't going to last long. it wasn't going to in the first place anyway. astarion was cursed with immortality, whilst [name] was blessed with mortality.

astarion looked over at his lover, watching as their gaze was focused on the window outside. it was getting harder for [name] to do simple tasks on his own such as walking, eating and other mundane tasks that he had brushed past during his younger years. of course, astarion helped [name] every step of the way. he wanted to spend every moment with [name], even if it could be their last one together.

[name] looked over at astarion, noticing that someone's gaze was on him. "i don't understand why you still sit and stare at me.. i'm far too old for you to still find me attractive." [name] laughed lightheartedly. he then started coughing, making astarion's eyes widen and ears perk up out of worry and fear.

once [name] stopped coughing, astarion sighed. "i still find you attractive, dear. i'll always find you as dashing as the first day i met you, even if you were a pile of mush." astarion responded, a small smile on his face even though it pained him to see what [name] was going through.

"you are too kind.." [name] laughed a little again, his breathing deep and slow as his eyes trailed back to the window. "i'm honestly.. surprised you're still here with me. i could die at any moment, yet you stay by my side even though you can live forever." [name] whispered, his voice carried with a twinge of sadness to astarion.

astarion felt himself frowning. he didn't like where this conversation was going, not one bit. he didn't like the idea of [name] leaving him so soon, he couldn't bear it. he didn't want someone to leave him, he didn't want to be alone.

sure, astarion could've always made some effort to find an immortal lover like himself. yet, he made no such efforts to do so. [name] was his, for forever. no matter if [name] was a mere mortal or not.

"my dear, i will stay by you for as long as i will roam the earth." astarion replies, his own voice coming out as a whisper. he kneels infront of [name], taking their hand in his own before he pressed his lips to the hand. "whether you are dying, or well, i will always be by your side. i could never leave you." astarion mumbled as he pressed another kiss to [name]'s hand.

[name] hummed, turning his head back so he could look down at astarion with a small smile. "thank you, my love." the man responds, voice croaky and hoarse from the old age.

"there's no point of sharing this.. immortality of mine if i couldn't share it with you." astarion whispers, trying to refrain himself from tearing up. "even if it's just for a glimpse, a brief part of my life but all of yours.. i wouldn't want it any other way." astarion admits, looking up at [name] with a smile. yet, behind the smile were broken eyes full of pain and grief for what's to come.

[name] stares down at astarion in awe from his words. he feels touched and warmed by his lover's words. "my love.. you don't know how much i appreciate your words. you don't know how much i appreciate you.. how much i appreciate you sticking by my side.." the old man speaks, voice wavering and shaking.

astarion presses his forehead against [name]'s hand, using his own hand to squeeze theirs. he tries to keep himself from letting tears spill, but it's too late. a few start to fall onto [name]'s hand, then more and more fall onto the hand the floor.

[name] takes his free hand and he strokes astarion's cheek with it, trying to get him to look up. "don't cry, my love. i'm not gone yet.." [name] adds, a small chuckle leaving his lips as he spoke to try and lighten the mood. he just didn't want to come to terms that he'd be leaving astarion so soon.

astarion looked up and he nodded, wiping his face with his sleeve. he tried to calm down before he spoke again, he didn't want to look weak now. he couldn't act weak now. he still had to be there for [name], and [name] wasn't gone yet.

"can you lead me to the bedroom, please? i think i need to go and take a nap." [name] asks, moving the topic of conversation along. he didn't want to dampen the mood any further, the air was already thick with sorrow after all.

astarion nodded and he got up, brushing the dust off of his knees. the vampire spawn then took [name]'s arms, helping him walk over to the bedroom. once they arrived into the bedroom, astarion helped his lover onto the bed. he tucked [name] in, pressing a kiss to their wrinkled forehead before he got in next to them.

"i love you, my little star. i always will, even when my candle goes out." [name] whispers, closing his eyes slowly so he could get his rest.

astarion rested his head on [name]'s chest, listening to his slow heartbeat. "i love you, forever and always my dear." astarion whispers back, a smile on his lips as he tries to not think about what the future holds for them.

a few hours pass, and astarion moves to see if [name] is awake. the man should've woken up a while ago, his naps weren't always this long. maybe [name] was just feeling extra drowsy? astarion didn't want to think of anything else.

astarion lifts his head and he sees that [name]'s chest has stopped moving up and down. surely he's just seeing things, right? astarion just stares for a few seconds and he gulps. there's no breathing.

the vampire spawn reaches out and grabs [name]'s hand. it's cold. yes, [name] had recently been growing colder and colder, not being the same firey warmth astarion was used to. but, this time the coldness was different. it was almost as if [name] was a solid block of ice. maybe it was because there was a breeze in the room? that was surely it, right?

astarion rests his head on [name]'s chest once again to confirm his suspicions. he needs to be 100% sure of something before he jumps to conclusions. and there it is.. [name] no longer has a pulse. there's no longer a heartbeat astarion can hear to remind him that his lover is alive.

"no.." astarion mumbles, lifting his head up once more to take a look at his dearest. "no, no, no.." astarion shakes his head, trying to blink away incoming tears but it's no use. his love is gone. nothing can bring him back. no tears, no cries or screams are going to bring [name] back. there was absolutely nothing. [name]'s candle had been blown out, and too early for astarion's liking. there was so much unspoken words, so many things astarion could've said and things he wanted to say. but it was too late.

astarion started bawling. he gripped tightly onto his dead lover's body, not letting it go. it was as if he was protecting it from some unknown entity, scared they were going to take away [name] from him. but, they already had.

"no.. [name] why?!" astarion sobbed into [name]'s chest. he couldn't even let out any proper tears, he was silently crying, screaming even, into [name]'s unbeating chest.

astarion's mind and heart rattle inside of him. they wrestle, trying to get astarion to listen, to do one thing that they offer. yet, astarion does not budge. he does not hear his heart or his mind. the only thing he can hear is his silent crying into [name]'s chest, the sound he desperately didn't want to hear until years into the future.

the vampire's mind screams and yells at him, telling him that astarion should join him. his mind screams that they could be together forever if astarion just joined him. but how? there was no possible way for astarion to join [name], as much as he wanted to.

yet, there was a solution. the sun.

astarion was only a spawn, he couldn't walk out in the sun without a fear of being burnt into a crisp. the only method of him joining [name] would be walking out into the sun or getting staked in the heart. astarion opted for the sun.

astarion let go of [name]'s body, running out of the house and into the sun. the golden hues kissed his pale skin, until they started to burn. piece by piece, astarion started to flow away as ash. the ash littered the sky, almost telling a story of the words astarion wanted to say, the story of his tragedy.

perhaps it was a spur of the moment thing, a stupid, silly idea that astarion shouldn't of acted upon. but it was too late now. astarion could now finally be with [name], eternally. they could finally be together until the end of time.

astarion didn't want anything else, just to be with [name] forever and always.

- author's note: hope you guys enjoyed :)

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