Art Vent - Tumblr Posts
TW: Suicidal ideation
My ex is an artist
and way better than me. Always has been. Also better at most things. Whenever I see their art I literally want to put a gun in my mouth. Instantly. It's really obstructing my healing process because I would sort of like to go back to normalcy but I think it is impossible.
I hate this I hate this so much. This is really not helping the already extremely bad situation with my mental health. Fuck. I need to go for another walk or something.
Why am I so clumsy. Why is everything I do worse than the next best person's thing. Why am I weak and useless. I'm not even successful in school, because I never do any work. How is it so easy to be dissatisfied and displeased personally, but also disappointing to those who invest in you. I'm insufficient to meet my own standards and insufficient to meet those of others. An almost valueless existence. I wish I weren't here sometimes.
On the other hand, I can be glad that my ideation does not reach the point of actual suicide attempts. Still. this hurts immensely and I hate. hate HATE it.
I'm going to be more experimental with my new drawings.
Trying to find a balance in my art.
Something I'm comfortable to draw without letting my perfectionism killing my motivation.
I just don't like how inconsistent my art has been lately.
And how it tires me out.
I'm filled with feelings cause y'know.
FUCK
Image description: A drawing of a monster that's similar to a human except it's arms and torso are covered in lumps under it's skin, it's eyes are empty spirals and the back of its head is drawn out into a point. It's drawn with sketchy lines and has it's right hand on its heart and is looking to the left, showing you it's profile. Around it's leg and left arm it has bloody bandages. Around its chest a bandage is wrapped so tight it's bending the ribs inwards.
It's ears are long and pointy and it has a wide smiled.
Its fingers are sharp and its hands are big, its fingertips, joints and nose are all scribbled over with black. It's skin is white and on its right side it's got a shadow of red behind it.
In the second image is the monster accompanied with the text "I GOT OUT"
POSTED THIS TO THE WRONG BLOG GOD DAMMIT
[ID: a traditional drawing of a head cut off at the neck with two slices of it bleeding floating just under it on a white background. It’s drawn in a cartoon style with bigger eyes and a “triangle nose” in a slightly darker color as well as the ears and their upper lip with their lower lip uncolored. Their neck is cut at a slight angle and red blood is dripping from the slices. They have light skin and pointy elf ears, they have shaved sides with longer hair on the top dyed a pastel purple with dark brown outgrowth. They have thick short eyebrows and extremely defined cheekbones. The eyes don’t have a pupil and the whites are veiny. They’re wearing cyber bite piercings. End image description]
Feeliosis SUCK
And are the reasons I haven’t posted for so long
[ID: a person drawing of a light skinned person sitting in a jar that's a quarter filled up with earth. The person does not have a head and out of their neck there a white flowers growing. They are wearing a red over sized hoodie with four pins on it. They are curled up with their knees to their chest and their arms are crossed. The background is black and inside the jar there are stars behind the person. End image description]
ART
Doodley doodles
(sorry for the lack of image descriptions but spooooonsssss)
[image description: a traditional drawing of a floating head. The face is round and soft with a small mouth. The eyes have long thick eyelashes and big eyeliner. The cheeks and chin are dotted with acne. The hair on the sides is short and black and the hair on top is longer and blue. An arrow is going through the head at an upwards angle and the point is covered in blue blood. Where the neck is cut off blue blood is dripping. The eyes are closed and the corners of the mouth are slightly upturned.
On the right side of the drawing it's written "Boys bleed blue" with a typewriter.]
Boys bleed blue
[image id: a traditional drawing of a light skinned person holding their shoulder and their side covering their chest. They have short pink hair and small pink flowers and clovers (?) are growing out of their shoulders. Their eyes are completely white and they look sad. End image ID]
YA YEET
IT'S NOT GREAT BUT YEEEET
God dammit I put it on the wrong blog
[image id: a pencil sketch of a sneering person with their arms cut off, blood still dripping from them. Around their head is a halo and they’re wearing an open shirt with a tanktop underneith. Their hair is cropped short on the sides and longer on the top. They’re wearing a black choker and they have snakebites. End image id.]
Wip that I’m not sure if I’ll finish but we’ll see
[image id: traditional charcoal drawings in black and white. First image: a monster with a round head and too logn limbs sitting slumped over. It has goat like legs and giant black eyes. Second image: a torso with the arms cut off and the legs getting cut off in the middle of the thigh with a line across the page dripping black. The head is cut off and replaced with a floating orb covered in eyes with two rings crossing each other around it. There are feathers floating where wings would be. Third image: a woman with her forearms resting on top of her head walking away. She has a giant hole in her back and inside of it white eyes are watching you. From her front ten spidery legs are spread out from her torso. Fourth image: a creature in profile with spiderfangs, three eyes without an iris and a mohawk. Fourth image: a head cut off with the same dripping slash across the page. The jaw is squared and it is smiling wide. It's nose eyes and head are covered in leaves.]
Art class shenaniganary!!!!
I drew me and some of my friends
Two sketchbook pages with different pens cause I drew them on different days but YEET
[image id: a traditional drawing of a white chubby person with short brown hair. They're slightly turned to the right and are holding their right arm with the left. Their left upperarm is covered in scars and they are wearing a black binder and black underwear. There are grey hands coming out from behind them, one pinching the fat on their stomach, one is grabbing their hair, the arm covered in scars and one is covering their mouth. The drawing is desaturated and the colors are cold. End image id]
Shut up, sit down and be good.
(ok to reblog)