Actuallyneurodivergent - Tumblr Posts

Sensory issues aren’t about fear.  They’re causing physical pain.

So I see a lot of people (mostly not actually autistic people) talking about sensory issues in terms of fear.  They’ll say things like “oh, he’s afraid of the vacuum.”  

This, of course, isn’t correct.  It’s not that the person is afraid of the vacuum, it’s that it’s literally causing them pain.  Like, literally.  If you put an autistic person in an FMRI and expose them to one of their sensory issues you’ll see their pain centres light up. 

So, why is this a problem?  Well, most people view fear as something that can be overcome.  So they’ll look down on people that let themselves be controlled by it.  Which isn’t good.  The other thing is that the tried and tested way to overcome fear is through exposure therapy.  However, if the thing is pain and not fear, all you’re going to do is numb yourself from the pain.  Which is generally not the best way to deal with things. 

So, if you’re autistic, remember that your sensory issues are part of how your brain physically works, and you can’t just will yourself out of them.  If you’re not autistic, don’t dismiss people’s sensory issues so flippantly.  Rember it’s literally causing them pain. 

Allistics (non-autistic people) please read!

I’ve seen plenty of posts about it being important for allistics to not infantilise autistic people, and I agree.

But you know what I haven’t seen addressed and really want to make clear?

Allistics are not allowed to judge which behaviours are infantilising when it comes to autistic people receiving support.

What neurotypicals might perceive as “infantilising” to them, might just be what allows an autistic person to function. I have had this happened to me a few times, but the most notable occasion was about a month ago.

I was not functioning well with living alone and had fallen behind on many important phone calls, was not eating regularly, and was overall in a very bad mental state.

For the first time, I actually opened up to my mother about how much I struggle with these things, and it was a very big moment for me. She was not the most accepting when I was first diagnosed with ASD, but she has come far since then (still some way to go though).

She was facetiming me one day and was helping me write a list of things I had to do and was laying things out in minute detail.

‘Have you eaten today?’ ‘No.’ ‘Okay, you need to go to the fridge, then get some food, make a sandwich and sit down to eat it.’ I wrote all of this down on my whiteboard. ‘Then you need to set an alarm on your phone for 1pm everyday-’ she waited for me to open the app ‘-then you need to label it “eat lunch”.’

And this was the most support I had ever received in my life for my autism and I was so happy, literally thrilled. Happy flapping galore. Suddenly things made more sense, I felt more hopeful that with this kind of support I would be able to function a bit better.

But my younger sister (who really is wonderful, I don’t want this one experience to make her out to be horrible, she really is amazing) was in the room with my mum and she said:

‘Ma, don’t baby him, it’s offensive.’

And I cannot tell you how heavy my heart felt in that moment.

Something which, for me, was exactly what I needed to feel functional and to feel like an adult for once, was seen as babying by someone else, someone very important to me.

And I shakily explained over the phone that actually this was exactly what I needed, thank you for having my back but I don’t find this offensive I find it helpful. She apologised and she sounded mortified by her mistake, I felt bad for her honestly.

But since then I haven’t been able to bring myself to ask my mum for this kind of help again because it was seen as infantilising.

I try not to let people’s opinions get to me but, as I’m sure most people can agree, that’s fucking difficult. Especially when you’ve constantly been judged, mocked, and discredited by neurotypicals your whole life.

So yeah, don’t infantilise autistic people. Don’t call them an uwu precious littol bean. Don’t shrug off their ideas and emotions as unimportant. Definitely don’t feel sympathy for us for being autistic.

But if you see an autistic person being helped by someone they are close to such as a friend, family member, or carer, don’t call it out as being “infantilising”. Because in a lot of cases it’s not. It’s helping. You have no authority in labelling our support.

Neurotypicals please reblog but don’t add anything

Other neurodivergent people can add to this!

Being autistic is just continuously finding out random shit is apparently supposed to be rude and just sitting here trying to decipher any logic behind it like "what the fuck are you talking about"

Feel free to infodump on me about Naruto.

Or anything else really

My mum: I will buy you specific foods that I know are safe for you and will avoid buying foods with particular mouth feels. I will also buy you items specifically related to whatever you're obsessed with at the time, as well as items with sensory aspects that I know you enjoy comforting. I will remind you to bring fidget toys when we go out or if you are stressed and will tell people that I dislike sudden loud noises and bright lights and will try to defend you from them

Also my mum: lol you're not autistic, I'd know, I have a degree in childcare

silverware theory

i'm sure most of y'all have heard of spoon theory, the idea that the amount of "spoons", aka resources/energy, someone has, determines how much someone can do in a certain period of time(this mostly applies to chronically ill, neurodivergent, and mentally ill folks as far as i know)

spoons only cover energy though. what about the other stuff? yeah, there's more silverware! fun!! /hsarc

it can be kinda hard to read a wholeass article so i tried to make each concept more bite sized(pun not intended lol). feel free to let me know if this is too wordy! constructive feedback is important after all.

spoons:

-you have a limited number of spoons every day

-it's pretty much impossible to gauge how many spoons you have starting out, as well as exactly how many spoons a certain activity may take

-EVERYTHING requires spoons, no matter how enjoyable it is

-sometimes you can recover spoons by doing restful/restorative activities(sleeping, reading a favorite book, playing with your cat, etc)

-the same activity can take different amounts of spoons day to day

-if you use up all your spoons one day, you'll probably have less spoons the next day(or longer)

-recovering spoons takes time

-you can't control how many spoons you have. it's not a matter of "laziness"

forks:

-comes from the phrase "stick a fork in me"

-forks are everyday stressors/inconveniences ranging anywhere from needing to pee to someone intentionally triggering you

-the amount of forks you can take varies like spoons

-one large fork like getting triggered can ruin your whole day

-same with several smaller forks(think "the straw that broke the camel's back")

-having lower fork tolerance doesn't make you weak

-it just means getting stabbed with forks sucks

knives:

-can refer to overexertion, pushing past your limits

-i've seen it used to refer to trauma as well*

-not everyone can handle knives because they are extremely detrimental

-knives hurt really bad and often cause lasting and/or permanent damage

-AVOID KNIVES IF YOU CAN

-if there's a super important reason behind the knife, be prepared to staunch the (metaphorical) bleeding

-using excessive knives is ill advised

(this article beats around the bush a lot so it was kinda hard to glean much)

*i've only ever seen the trauma knife theory in RPG settings. it made sense to me, but should be taken with a bowl of

[ID: a digital poster from mentalhealthathome.org titled The Mental Illness Cutlery Drawer. it reads spoons: resources you have to spend. forks: external stressors. knives: traumas. whisks: sources of agitation and overwhelm. meat tenderizer: beat the crap out of you, and just keep on beating. END ID]

I just want to be happy, why cant you let me make mistakes on my own? If its the wrong decision then let me figure that out.

Stop protecting me from every single step. Just stop. You didn't do that with my brothers. You let them make mistakes and you resent them for it because they don't learn from it. If I'm so smart, so clever, the brightest person here even more than either of you, as you used to say, why do you have no faith in me whatsoever?

I'm so tired of you believing you can control everything I do. I'm so tired of letting you. After all these years I'm still tired of it and I'm just now doing something about it.

Do you know how much you make me cry over the littlest things. Because you say it with a tone that screams "your idea is stupid, why would you suggest that".

It hurts. So. Fucking. Bad.

Note to self: I am struggling.

That is okay.

I am doing what I can to get help. That's progress.

I am under no obligation to tell my parents how I am struggling. Even if they are the only in real life people I have left for support. I am an adult. They do not have to know what I do each day. If I do not want to tell them, I do not have to, no matter what they say.

I am allowed to feel upset. I am allowed to hurt. I am allowed to get help. I deserve to get help.

One day everything will be okay. It may not be tomorrow, or next week, or next month, or next year. But one day, things will be okay.

I wish I could stop being mad every time I find out they have other friends, every time they tell me how much fun they have with their other friends and not me

Talking to other people doesn't mean they hate me so why does it feel like my life is shattering before my own eyes?

I hate being aware that what I'm doing is wrong, it just makes me feel guilty when I can't fix it