Actually System - Tumblr Posts

Truths & Myths: Pluralpedia Part 1

Welcome to our "Truths and Myths" series! In this series, we aim to debunk misconceptions and provide accurate information about Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID). We will mainly focus on DID as it is the disorder we are most familiar with on both a personal and research basis.

Each post will highlight the accurate and inaccurate parts of each term, from the best of our research ability. Then, at the end, we will explain the full story of what DID actually is and provide our sources. We will be taking requests for terms anyone would like us to review. Otherwise, we will use random terms we find.

This first post is an exception to the random terms as we wanted to go over the formation of a DID system.

 To develop Dissociative Identity Disorder, a child must experience overwhelming, severe, and repetitive trauma during their childhood. Having a dissociative disorder such as DID, PDID (ICD-11), or OSDD (DSMV) is the only way to have forms of dissociative identities.

As previously mentioned, DID can only be formed from trauma.

However, it has been suggested that individuals with a natural ability to dissociate or use dissociation as their primary response to trauma are more likely to develop DID. This innate ability allows them to reach a high level of dissociation and form dissociative identities. It is important to note that there is currently no confirmed link between this ability and the development of DID, but it is a proposed logical theory that would need more research.

Furthermore, certain biological factors can make an individual more susceptible to trauma, such as being born biologically female or being neurodivergent. For example, biological females are statistically more likely to experience s*xual abuse, which may have been the trauma they experienced as a child that led to the formation of their system.

Additionally, it is crucial to clarify that Dissociative Identity Disorder cannot be present at birth, and therefore, one can not be born with a system.

The theory of how personality is structured suggests that the personality comprises "modes" that contain cognitive, affective, behavioural, and physiological representations. These modes also represent a plan for encoding experiences and responding to internal and environmental demands.

For example, a person may have a "mother mode" activated when caring for a child, and this mode would have planned what care a child needs. However, the person will also have other modes, such as one associated with demands about their work or demands for defence in verbal ways. In a regular adult, all modes are connected to each other and are under a "conscious control system," which allows for an integrated self-state. This is why it may feel you have fluctuations in your personality or feel differently around your family than your friends. They are different modes, but importantly, they are all integrated together, unlike in an individual with DID.

DID occurs when this coupling process of modes is disrupted by dissociation caused by trauma. This results in smaller, more isolated pockets of modes, leading to multiple conscious control systems that represent different and discontinuous modes. Each of these systems has its own aspect of self, reflected by the modes within it.

One's I specifically used to write my explanation:

Though I suppose technically, in the way the theory is currently proposed, people who have DID never had a "singlet" phase. Otherwise, they would not have been able to form a system or develop DID.

Revisiting the etiological aspects of dissociative identity disorder: a biopsychosocial perspective. (Section under Dissociative Identities)

McLean Hospital. (Section under What is Dissociative Identity Disorder?)

Other external sources that also validate my claims but were not used specifically in the writing:

Cleveland Clinic. (Section under What causes Dissociative Identity Disorder)

The coupling process can be disturbed when a child tries to displace their thoughts, feelings, and emotions onto a “not me” in order to escape what they are experiencing and carry on with life and allows the child to remain for example creative or have a sense of humour even in very difficult circumstances. This leads to disconnected feelings and disorganised attachments to primary caregivers, which means the integration of modes is impossible.

NHS (Section under Causes of Dissociative disorder. It is important to note that this covers all dissociative disorders, not specifically DID)

Better Health Channel. (Section under Causes of Dissociative Disorders. It is important to note that this covers all dissociative disorders, not specifically DID)

Thank you for reading our first part to this series. Feel free to send us an echo to our page or leave in the comments any questions or suggestions for future parts to this series.

Made from the collaborative efforts of the system who run this blog.

Black Holes: A metaphorical view of Trauma in Dissociative Identity Disorder. Part 1

Written by Olive. This is a personal and educational post.

This post covers in more detail why new dissociative identities may be formed in adulthood and define integration in terms of the end-goal treatments for DID.

When trying to understand the complexities of life, metaphors are very powerful tools to visulise our experiences. We find many aspects of Black Holes can be an analogy for the way trauma interacts in the lives of individuals with Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID). In this post, we will explore the anatomy of black holes and explain how we relate each aspect to our lives, whilst providing an educational light on the disorder’s realities. 

Singularity.

At the centre of every Black hole is a point known as the singularity. This point is considered to be where all the mass of the black hole is centred under infinite density. When something passes the event horizon of the black hole, it will travel inwards towards the singularity.

At the heart of Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) lies chronic, severe childhood trauma. We envision this trauma as a singularity, events from which all experiences are affected and the initial formation of alters. Even alters formed later may stem from this foundational trauma. The trauma is deeply stored within us like an infinitely concentrated source of pain. It disrupted our childhood integration, leading to remaining fragmented, and continues to hinder integration efforts today. 

The Event Horizon.

Past the event horizon, considered the boundary that defines the black hole, the escape velocity required to overcome the gravitational force of the black hole is greater than the speed of light. This means nothing can escape from a black hole, not even light. 

Trauma is not always visible, it can be mental, emotional, or even physical and does not leave a lasting effect on the body. This can be reflected by the fact that light cannot escape from a black hole therefore it cannot be seen and is only observed from objects around it. Victims may not be believed if they do not have “physical evidence” on their body but evidence of trauma can be seen from the history of the environment around them. 

The event horizon of a black hole can be likened to the window of tolerance for individuals with Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID). Once something breaches this threshold, causing overwhelming stress or trauma, it can lead to fragmentation in the brain. It's crucial to understand that the nature of these experiences can vary greatly. They can be as seemingly insignificant as a photon of light or as impactful as an entire planet. Similarly, some black holes may exist near planets without consuming them, reflecting how different individuals respond differently to potential trauma.

This metaphor illustrates how anything can be traumatic for a system, potentially causing a split later in life. The severity of the trauma does not need to match that of the initial childhood trauma for it to cause further disturbances in integration. Everyone has a unique window of tolerance, which is why not everyone with severe childhood trauma develops DID, but all individuals with DID have experienced chronic severe childhood trauma. 

This can result in systems having dissociative identities that are very specific, such as being the only one to handle money, or whose whole role is to complete a mundane task of life, such as being the one to take a shower or hoovering because this may for some reason overwhelm an individual, such as the fact it is repetitive or it could be overstimulating. Even the thought of being in a situation that could reactivate traumatic memories can cause the brain to split, such as dreading a visit to a family member, this shows examples of fragmentation being a defensive mechanism because the individual will now be able to handle the situation and did not need to be retraumatised for the brain to become aware that the current system is overwhelmed by this task. This conceptual framework is supported by the work of Van der Hart, Nijenhuis, and Steele (2006) in “The Haunted Self: Structural Dissociation and the Treatment of Chronic Traumatization”, where they discuss patients developing new dissociative identities in adulthood and the theory that later in life structural dissociation becomes a mental defense tool, despite beginning from traumatisation. 

Hawking Radiation.

As is also presented in the work of Hawking (2018) in “Brief Answers to the Big Questions”, in quantum theory, space is filled with matter and antimatter pairs, such as a proton and an antiproton, that spontaneously appear, collide, and then annihilate each other. If this spontaneous appearance occurs near the event horizon of a black hole, the matter particle can either fall in or escape and appear to be radiated by the black hole. Theoretically, the anti-particle is traveling backward in time so if the anti-particle falls into the black hole this can also be a way it loses mass. As the anti-particle travels it will eventually in time reach where it first appeared and then travel forward in time because the gravitational field scatters it. This process is known as Hawking radiation, and it explains how black holes dissipate over time and why the very first black holes formed in the universe are no longer present. 

The process of Hawking radiation can be likened to the slow yet significant role of processing trauma. To be effective, it must proceed at a pace an individual can handle, and it may never feel certain when a breakthrough in trauma recovery will occur. However, it brings hope that healing from the trauma that caused DID and its symptoms is possible. Through therapy, dissociative parts can become more integrated, meaning they will have a greater connection of memories without amnesic barriers and better communication. This can lead to either functional multiplicity, where all integrated parts work together while maintaining multiple dissociative identities, or final fusion, where all dissociative identities fuse into a single, unified personality. A clear distinction between fusing dissociative identities and integrating them is further supported in the work of Llyod (2023) in “Integration and Fusion in DID/OSDD: Part Two”, which verifies my use of the word ‘integration’.

Written by Olive. This is a personal and educational post.

Bibliography

Van der Hart O, Steele K, Nijenhuis E. The Haunted Self : Structural Dissociation and the Treatment of Chronic Traumatization. W.W. Norton; 2006.

Lloyd M, The CTAD Clinic. Integration and Fusion in DID/OSDD: Part Two. YouTube. Published December 17, 2023.

Hawking S. Brief Answers to the Big Questions. Hachette UK; 2018.

Food for Fangs: Unmasking Vampire Parts.

Personal and Educational Post.

Written by Blade.

The way dissociative identities present as individual parts reflects how trauma has affected the brain. Their traits stem from what was needed to protect against trauma or overcome stress. These traits or ways of perceiving the world may be disguised or interpreted by the brain in the presentation of different types of alters. This allows the individual to remain unaware of their trauma, as the brain may create a narrative that feels understandable and logical, reducing the likelihood of questioning these details. It may be the way the individual's brain allows itself to feel things the host personality was not allowed to during abuse. 

However, there are many misconceptions about the way parts present in Dissociative Identity disorder. This series will cover non-human parts. This part 1 post is about Vampires, written by Blade, a vampire alter. This post will also primarily only cover parts when in executive control, as we feel discussing internal worlds is a different section more suited for the post of their own.

"Can vampire alters consume human food?" 

This question often arises due to the misconception that vampire alters truly believe they are vampires trapped in a human body. However, this is not the case. While an alter may present as a vampire, they are still aware of their human biology. If an alter is unable to understand or realise their role within the system fully, it could result from high levels of dissociation, such as derealisation and depersonalisation. It is crucial to address and work through these issues, as allowing a trauma-based reaction to persist outside of the traumatic experience can be harmful. 

Do they eat human food?

Depending on the role an alter has within the system, they may be required to consume food if they take executive control for an extended period. However, there may be trauma associated with food, and this discomfort may manifest through the vampire alter. Some may have the role of holding these feelings to prevent others from experiencing them, as it may cause less distress for them as a vampire who does not have an innate connection to the concept of consuming food. This is what my part did, I was disgusted at the idea of food and I only began to feel normal hunger after some therapy focused on my individual. This was also not questioned by other members of the system because it felt normal that a vampire would not want to eat human food or find it repulsive. 

But aren’t Vampires always hungry?

Although not all vampire alters are hungry all the time, this could be another trait of protection that is allowed through a vampire part. As discussed by Howell EF (2011) in “Understanding and Treating Dissociative Identity Disorder”, a non-human part may form a protective state that is allowed to express an emotion or feeling that the host part is unable to. Expressing hunger or being allowed to feel hungry may be something that the individual was not allowed to do so the brain displaced that feeling onto a part suited for that position of dealing with that pain, or the child/adult experiencing more trauma related that feeling as being like a vampire.

“Vampire Alters crave blood”

This relates to the point I made earlier: vampire alters are not actual vampires from mythology, so they do not crave blood. However, there may be aspects of their role that give the impression they crave blood. This could include being around procedures involving blood, being around mentions of blood, or being tasked with clearing a wound if it occurs. In the mind of a child or an adult experiencing additional trauma, a vampire would be the most suitable alter for this role, as they would naturally be comfortable around blood. However, to a part that is unaware of this trauma, or even to the vampire alter themselves, they may feel them being around as an impression that they crave blood like in myths. A vampire alter may also be assumed to crave blood if they happen to also be a persecutor who causes physical harm that results in blood.

 A person's craving to drink blood, known as Clinical Vampirism, is a rare condition that has been documented through case studies. However, it is often associated with a delusion or as part of mental health conditions such as schizophrenia. But, there was a case study on a man who suffered from vampirism and was later diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID). His violent tendencies, stemming from his vampirism, manifested through his other identity, leading outsiders to believe that his dissociative identity was a real vampire as an alter. This perpetuates the misconception that vampire alters are always like their mythical counterparts. However, the introduction of the case report clearly states that there is no established link between vampirism and DID, and they should be treated as separate conditions. This case study serves to show that vampirism is possible in patients with DID even if DID did not cause the vampirism. We have included the case study in our bibliography to provide sources, but we must issue a trigger warning for extreme violence, SH, su*cide, and trauma of all ages. Additionally, the use of the r slur in the introduction should be noted as it may be offensive and we do not agree with the use of the word. We will have linked more reading on the topic including other case studies of people with schizophrenia and one study that talks about the different levels/types of vampirism documented. All the same trigger warnings apply.

Although vampires do not have an inherent desire to drink blood, some may find comfort in consuming red foods. This may serve as a way for their brain to establish safe foods and comfort through this alter without it seeming out of place or may have been the brain thinking the only way the individual would be able to consume these foods was if they were a vampire and hence the trait is given to the vampire alter. In my own recovery, addressing my relationship with food was important. I eventually discovered that my comfort food was tomatoes, and I found it easier to consume foods like Gazpacho, which is in liquid form. This allowed me to find comfort in eating while also embracing my vampire identity because it felt like a natural progression towards something more positive, as it also involved addressing past trauma but brought comfort too in being a non-human part.

This post serves as an important reminder that DID is a trauma disorder so everything about an individual will be shaped by trauma. It is not a fantasy or roleplay in which dissociative identities are made or exist by.

Bibliography

Howell EF. Understanding and Treating Dissociative Identity Disorder. Routledge; 2011.

Sakarya D, Gunes C, Ozturk E, Sar V. ‘Vampirism’ in a Case of Dissociative Identity Disorder and Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. Psychotherapy and Psychosomatics. 2012;81(5):322-323. doi:https://doi.org/10.1159/000335930

O’Brien C, Hallahan B. Delusions of Vampirism in an Adolescent and Treatment with Clozapine: a Case Report. Cureus. Published online October 2, 2023. doi:https://doi.org/10.7759/cureus.46352

Halevy A, Levi Y, Shnaker A, Orda R. Auto-vampirism--an Unusual Cause of anaemia. Journal of the Royal Society of Medicine. 1989;82(10):630-631. Accessed July 25, 2024. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1292349/?page=2

Hervey WM, Catalano G, Catalano MC. Vampiristic Behaviors in a Patient with Traumatic Brain Injury Induced Disinhibition. World Journal of Clinical Cases. 2016;4(6):138. doi:https://doi.org/10.12998/wjcc.v4.i6.138

References 3-5 are the extra case studies referenced in the post.

Written by Blade.

This is a personal and educational post.

Truths and Myths: Pluralpedia Part 4, Alter Roles.

This is an educational post.

Written by 🤍. (Temporary emoji placeholder)

And at the same time

A part that is designed to hold trauma, known as an emotional part, may remain stuck at the age when the trauma occurred. This can be part of the process in which the individual part repeatedly relives the trauma or unconsciously reenacts it in their actions when taking executive control, even though the trauma has ended but they are unaware. As a result, they are unable to age past the age of the trauma. Later in therapy, trauma can be processed and this can relieve that part from their need to be fixed in time

Further discussed in Van der Hart, Nijenhuis, and Steele’s book (2006) “The Haunted Self: Structural Dissociation and the Treatment of Chronic Traumatization”. The authors disscuss a patient whose child emotional part would reenact situations from the trauma in an attempt to prevent it from happening again. Additionally, they discuss that some emotional parts can experience severe nonrealisation therefore that part may literally experience themselves as being the age they are stuck at, in the book this is used in context of child parts.

According to the NHS (2024) website on eating disorders, there are many potential causes for them, including various traumas. An individual experiencing an eating disorder or in recovery may also experience trauma or stress, on a psychological, physical, and social level. As a result, an alter may split due to the eating disorder as parts are fragmented due to trauma. This alter may serve as a protective/caretaker part, ensuring the survival of the body, but it may also be a part that has split off due to denial of the eating disorder. This part may be used by the brain to hide the parts of the individual that are heavily affected by the trauma of the eating disorder.  This can also allow the affected parts to recover at their own pace, as they are aware that the body will be fine. However, this alter may also serve as an unhelpful crutch, causing other parts to believe that they do not need to recover or are not ready to do so. In reality, it is crucial for all parts to recover in order to aid in trauma healing and move towards a more sustainable life. Relying too heavily on one part can result in their exhaustion as they will be using their available resources to focus and take care of the needs of others. If this is their only role, it may result in a lack of self-awareness of their own needs, making it difficult for them to meet them. This point is supported by Van der Hart, Nijenhuis, and Steele's book (2006) "The Haunted Self: Structural Dissociation and the Treatment of Chronic Traumatization" when discussing caretaker parts in systems. It is important to allow a part to take a break, otherwise they may begin to dread their role or task, leading to unpleasant or even stressful experiences. Therefore, it is necessary for parts to have the capability to share responsibility for tasks, even if only for a short time, to give the main part a chance to rest, another reason why recovery for those parts heavily affected should be encouraged. This idea and self-care is discussed more in W AT’s book “Got Parts: An Insider’s Guide to Managing Life Successfully with Dissociative Identity Disorder”. 

The term "called out" may refer to this alter being triggered when food is present or is brought out when a part is triggered by food, allowing it to take control of the situation. Alternatively, it may refer to the switching technique learnt in therapy, where communication between alters is improved to the point where one alter can reach out and ask another to take control. However, this is a complex skill, as it is considered, to master and there will always be a risk of failure, so it cannot be guaranteed to work every time. Based on this, it can be assumed that the term refers to the act of this alter stepping into either calm or avoid a trigger.

Van der Hart O, Steele K, Nijenhuis E. The Haunted Self : Structural Dissociation and the Treatment of Chronic Traumatization. W.W. Norton; 2006.

NHS. Overview - Eating Disorders. NHS. Published 2021. https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/feelings-symptoms-behaviours/behaviours/eating-disorders/overview/

W AT. Got Parts? : An Insider’s Guide to Managing Life Successfully with Dissociative Identity Disorder. Loving Healing Press; 2005.

Echoes in the Multiverse . Echoes in the Multiverse. Tumblr. Published June 16, 2024. Accessed August 2, 2024. https://www.tumblr.com/echoes-in-the-multiverse/753468998583271424/what-is-switching-technique-in-your-last-post-you?source=share

Bibliography link 4 is to a post we made discussing more about the Switching technique and the resources we used to write that post and expand our own knowledge we gained in therapy.

[Fronting Banner][Blurry Banner][FNaF Game Banners by @candylita (?)]

[Eng/Esp]

Meet The Artist!

°•|Traumagenic System|•°

Hello! I'm Nightmare!

You can call me Andrew, William,or Henry if you want as well! (Andrew is the main name tho)

He/Him,They/Them,Xe/Xem,Bun/Bunny

(Minor!)

March 15th

I'm an amateur Artist and Musician.

You should go follow my super cool sibling @oleander-witch

----------------------------

Age Regression Blog:

@nightbunnyageregressionblog

Our System Blog:

@stripeearedrabbitsysblog

My Music Is Tagged Under: #ntrmusic

[Omg this user won't shut up about William Afton Banner](By my friend @poindexters-labratory )

[ Toddler Obliterator William Afton Banner ]

[Abandonment Issue Banner]

[Neurodivergence banner]

Dni: Proshippers/Comshippers,pedos, racists, homophobics, transphobics, Zoophiles,NFT Supporters, NSFW centered blogs, Zionist, and shitty people.

----------------------------

Other blogs under cut

----------------------------

FNaF Au Sideblog:

@nightmaretherabbitsideblog1

BATIM Au Sideblog:

@nightmaretherabbitsideblog2

Poppy Playtime Au Sideblog Co-Ownded with @pyro-thon :

@poppyplaytimelostfatherau

FNaF Aus Springtrap Ask Blog:

@freemindau

Abyss Of The Damned (Original Story) Blog:

@abyssofthedamnedblog

FNaFHS Your Magic,Mine To Have Au blog: @fnafhsyourmagicminetohaveau

----------------------------

Roleplay Blogs:

@dancingyellowrabbit-1953

@henrydepressionemily-1952

@sobbingbearcub-askton-1979

@askthemciof-1985

----------------------------

Cuphead: Lost Ones Au Master Post

NTR Random Ocs

this! pls stop comparing my very real disorder to people being stupid on the internet.

calling endos and DID fakers delusional or schizophrenic is ableist btw and if you do this and refuse to change you're ableist!!

(this post is not defending endos it's defending psychotic and schizospec people)

Is That a New Guy or Am I Losing My Mind; or, A Beginner's Guide to Finding Headmates

Written by Roger de Camden of the Draconic Wizard Workshop

Hello, everybody! This is an essay for both plurals who might struggle finding, identifying, or confirming headmates, as well as people who are questioning whether or not they’re plural. Certain pieces of advice may apply better to questioners than established systems, and vice versa, but rest assured, it is intended for both!

This essay will be broken into several sections for various “phases” of discovery and working things out, but a disclaimer before we get to that: this is heavily based on our own experiences. This is not a one-size-fits-all kind of guide. I’m going to try to make it such, but, well, I can’t make any promises, because there are infinite ways of being a system out there, and everyone’s a little different. This is just what I’ve found works for us, and, to a large extent, many of our system friends! That being said, if you try to start syscourse or invalidate other systems for any reason in response to this essay, I’m going to block you and that’s that.

Also, sorry if I go between spellings for words. I’m English, but the body is American and that means that I don’t know how to spell certain words anymore.

So! Onwards, towards discovery!

Step One: Getting an Inkling

The first step to figuring out whether or not you’ve got a headmate (new or otherwise undiscovered; I’ll mostly be calling them “new” as in “new to you”) is having an inkling that one might exist. This is mostly a passive process, and you’re probably familiar with it if you’re reading this guide. Maybe you felt something scuttle through headspace (if you have one) or through the back of your mind. Maybe you felt a presence looming behind you, mentally, that bolted when you “looked.” Maybe you had a very strong emotional reaction to something that makes no sense for you to react to, but would make sense for a character you’ve been really attached to in a show. Or maybe you slipped into an unfamiliar accent, had a loss of memories and woke up with nail polish on in a colour you hate, or just felt an opinion about something that doesn’t match your usual one. Sometimes, you may even “hear” comments about things going on in your mind.

There are a lot of little things that can tip you off. Most of them are going to be things that are misaligned with your own perception of yourself, your opinions, and your behavior. This is usually a sign that someone is co-conscious or co-fronting with you without you being aware of it. Some headmates are very sneaky this way, and some may not realise that they exist at all while doing this! Don’t hold being hard to notice or get a hold of against your headmates—many of them don’t realise that they exist, don’t know how to not be this way, or are doing it for what they perceive to be a good reason (this last one is especially common in disordered systems). Maybe they’re scared, or just not ready to be confronted yet. Don’t worry—remember, you have your whole lives to figure out everyone who’s in there, and the time will pass anyways! Take it easy.

One specific thing that tends to tip us off to a new fictive is that we realise that… no one is aware of running a character that we’re playing in a tabletop roleplaying game. Maybe someone started off running them, but they sure seem to be doing their own thing now! That character may be hard to “turn off” or “put on the shelf” when you stop playing them—and they may continue to make comments and have opinions about things in your life. This is a dead giveaway! Sometimes when we think about a character, we feel a “movement” or interest somewhere in our mind that doesn’t match anyone else’s pattern of thinking or interests, which also can be a giveaway that they’re scuttling around somewhere. Also beneficial, for us, is our synesthesia—every headmate has a colour associated with them, and when we get a thought pattern that seems to match someone but the colour is off, it can make us realise that maybe there’s someone else in here. For example, if someone were to be really interested in jellyfish, we might think that it’s Caspian, but if the colour comes back as red and not blue, then we know for certain that it’s not him.

This first inkling of a new headmate may be obvious or it may be subtle. You may question yourself repeatedly, but remember: if you feel like you are “accidentally faking,” that’s not how faking works. Faking must be done intentionally and on purpose. You could be wrong, yes, but being wrong isn’t inherently bad. It’s just that you were mistaken about something. Nothing wrong with that! We’re all mistaken about all kinds of things every day! Be kind to yourself while trying to figure things out.

Step Two: Are You There, Headmate? It’s Me, Your Other Headmate

Steps two and three are interchangeable in order, but I thought I’d put this one first because it tends to be the one that’s hardest and most distressing, rather than step three, which is about identifying who the hell your headmate is. We’ll get to that, never fear!

So, let’s say you think there might be someone in there. How can you tell for sure? How can you open communication? How can you get them integrated okay?

The bad news is that this depends heavily on the system. The good news is that there’s no need to panic, rush, or be afraid, because once again, you’ll figure it out eventually, and it will be okay!

My first suggestion is to take note of everything that’s made you think there might be someone else in there. Write it down, if that helps! Write down everything that seems to get the entity’s attention, if anything. Write down anything that might help you identify who it might be! In some instances, you might have a character that seems a little independent but you can’t tell whether they’re really a headmate or not. In my experience, this is often how many non-disordered systems (but it’s not exclusive to them!) realise that they’re plural. Knowing who it is will make this step easier, but it isn’t necessary! After all, if you know who it is, you can also write down things that might bait them into responding. Interests and friends of theirs are good examples.

Your goal in this step is to try to draw them out into doing things, speaking, or acting in ways that will give away that they are for certain there. For systems with heavy amnesia or dissociative barriers, this might be significantly harder, but my best suggestion there is to jump straight to trying to communicate, however you can—and this isn’t a bad approach for other systems, either. You can try internal communication, although you might get no response, or an abnormal one, if the headmate is new. For example, with us, new headmates usually respond to direct queries with anxiety—which, while not good for communication and not ideal for the headmate in question, does help us key in on the fact that they definitely exist. You can also try external communication, if internal communication isn’t working or is difficult for you. Write a note in a journal or a sticky note, or even in a notes app or a private Discord server. Sometimes, headmates can find replying over text to be easier. If you’re a high-dissociation and high-amnesia system who is trying to figure out if it’s someone old or new who is fronting and doing things while you’re unaware, leaving sticky notes places asking people to write down who’s fronting when they see it (if they even know who they are) might be helpful. Keep experimenting, and do what works best for you!

As a last resort for uncertain, new, or inexperienced systems, you can try something called “puppeting” on a suspected headmate, especially if you know who they are and just aren’t sure whether or not they’re here. A warning: this is rude and not advised under most circumstances, but sometimes it’s the only way to make absolutely sure that someone is in there with you, especially when you’re not used to it. Have an apology ready and mean it. Puppeting is when you try to force a headmate to do something, especially something unusual or out of character for them. For example, if I thought I might have my character Gorka as a headmate, but I wasn’t sure, I might try to call up a scenario involving Gorka and then try to imagine her doing something wildly out of character, that she would never, ever do. If I couldn’t get a response out of that, or if I had no idea who this new headmate might be, I might just try to make them physically do something—strongly imagining them doing a stupid dance or similar! No response doesn’t necessarily mean you do or do not have a headmate, but a strong response—usually of anger, offense, or “slapping” your “hands” away—indicates someone separate from yourself! Apologize immediately and then attempt to engage in communication once they’ve calmed down a little, or try to transition into it through an explanation. 

There are a lot of reasons that a headmate might not respond to puppeting, though. They might be non-confrontational, or hiding their presence from you intentionally for any number of reasons. (Maybe they’re nervous, not ready to exist yet, afraid of how you might respond, afraid of accepting that they’re in a system—it could be anything.) In cases like this, you might just get discomfort instead of a strong response, which is easy to confuse for being your own rather than theirs. Try to sort out whether you just feel strange doing it, or if it’s someone else’s discomfort bleeding through. I know it’s hard, but that’s a difficult thing to give advice for, I’m afraid! Other reasons may be that they just dip from the front when you try (removing themself from your sphere of influence completely), or if they’re a character you frequently play, they might be so used to being pulled around into doing things that it doesn’t bother them, or bothers them so little that you don’t notice.

Usually, if you’re at the point of trying puppeting, there’s enough signs that this person really is a headmate to dissuade you from trying it once you’re a little more used to it. It’s a temporary and unideal tool that should leave your toolbox as soon as you become confident enough to identify new headmates without getting grabby with them. Undoubtedly, trying to establish communication is a better approach, if you can get it to work.

Usually, once we’ve properly spotted a headmate and made it clear to them that we know they’re there, one of two things happens: either they come sit in the front for a few days or weeks to settle in, let us identify them, and get used to being a full active member of the system, or they realise that they exist and have a panic attack. This “new headmate panic” can last anywhere from a few minutes to multiple days, and may fluctuate in strength. Sometimes, a new headmate might seem fine early on, but have this panic after a few days, weeks, or even longer. Be gentle during this time, especially if you yourself have a strong reaction—be gentle with both, or all, of you! Realizing that you’re in a system can be very distressing, as can realizing you have a new headmate, so try to be gentle, let yourself feel what you’re going to feel, and work through it in the best way you have. Try not to direct any anger or negative feelings towards anyone else in your system during this time, and just let the storm pass before really trying to get to know each other.

Step Three: Who Is This Guy, Anyway?

Once again, you can do this step before or after step two, but I put it here because I decided to include some tips for getting to know your headmate, not just identifying them (if there is anything to identify). If your system is introject-heavy, or if you’re asking yourself if you’re just really interested in a character or if they’re a new headmate, this is an important step! Who is this? Are they an introject of some kind? Are they something or someone else? Is there anything to identify, per se, or is it just a situation of getting to know a whole new person? This is a very, very different step depending on your system, and is going to skew very much towards my own experiences. I’m sorry about that, but I will do my best!

If you’ve already established communication with this headmate, even if it’s shaky, you can try to get information from them that way. They might be willing to give you a name, a code name, a colour, an aesthetic, likes or dislikes, something you can use to familiarise yourself with them or identify them from a list of “suspects” if you have such a thing. (We always do, because we’re almost all fictives, and we know our own patterns at this point.) For us, new headmates almost never actually identify, and just sullenly sit while trying to figure themselves out and will only confirm who they are once we figure it out. It’s sort of like playing a mystery game, assembling clues based on a myriad of factors. If you have some suspicions, just like the previous step, you can try to bait out responses by doing things that might interest who you suspect this headmate might be.

Again, I suggest writing things down! Write down likes and dislikes, things that get their attention, interests, even things that make them anxious or afraid. Whether it’s a case of identification or just getting to know them, this is invaluable information for interacting with someone sharing a head with you, and it may even be helpful for them as they get their feet under them.

Another invaluable tool is talking to people outside of your system. They can help you identify when you’re acting unusually, when you might have someone unfamiliar riding co-conscious, and even who that person might be. You may be too tangled up in your own feelings, your dissociation, or the desperation to understand who is in your head with you. It’s easy to get lost in the weeds and lose sight of the big picture, but another friend, especially another system that knows you well, can be extremely helpful! One of our system friends has clocked many a headmate of ours before we were even certain they were there—just “hmm, you’ve been very much like X lately” and they were absolutely right. 

Regardless, taking notes on your new headmate, asking them about themselves, and sharing things about yourself are all important steps to getting to know them! They may be uncomfortable, they may distrust you, they may be afraid—or they could be friendly and excited to be here! It really depends on who it is and their comfort level. Don’t push—if they’re not comfortable talking yet, don’t make them! Let them adjust at their own pace and get to know them as they’re willing to let you. I know it can be distressing to have a totally unknown entity co-fronting with you, but sometimes it’s one of those things that you have to take a deep breath and carry on through until they’re willing to talk. I know you can do it! Talk through it with someone outside of your own head if it’s difficult to give yourself some fortitude if you need to. I know it helps me.

Step Four: Now What?

Let’s say that you’ve confirmed that you do have a headmate, and either have or are on the road to identifying them, if applicable. Now what?

As I’ve said before: be gentle with yourselves! Especially for a new or inexperienced system, and especially for someone who is just realising that they’re a system, this can be overwhelming, distressing, or any other number of emotions. Remember that having or gaining headmates isn’t inherently a bad thing, and while this all might take some getting used to, it’s going to be okay. You’ll figure out an equilibrium eventually, and it is absolutely possible to live a long, happy life with your headmates. Remember that you’re all in this together, and you’re a team.

People may not want you to notice them, may not want to be in the system, or may avoid attention as best they can for a lot of reasons, and trying to make them feel at home, or at least more comfortable, is essential. It can be scary being in a system all of a sudden, especially if they’re an introject or otherwise had a life outside or before this one. Maybe they don’t like the body, or are afraid of another headmate, or are terrified of a negative response from you or someone else. Don’t force these people into situations they’re not ready for! If you’re looking for someone, trying to identify them, or trying to help them, and you’re just causing a lot of distress, back off for a while. Let them calm down and come to you in their own time. Sometimes, you have to do the system equivalent of leaving cookies out on a plate and turning your back to them so that your new headmate can take them without being watched. Take things at the pace that you’re all the most comfortable with, and as always, be kind.

I really do suggest talking to someone about this process, if you can. Journal if you’d like, especially if you can’t trust anyone with this, or don’t feel comfortable doing so yet. Getting your words out of your head helps you sort them out a lot, especially in the case of systems, where a lot of people’s thoughts can get jumbled together. Writing them all down, even if you don’t know whose they are, can be helpful. We find that talking to other system friends is of the most benefit, and our new members are far more likely to speak to them first rather than us, because there’s a degree of separation and that’s more comfortable for them. Whatever works for you, do it! The idea is to get comfortable with each other, and with being here together.

Find things that your new headmate likes doing. Goratrix has a whole panel about this aimed at fictives, but essentially, if your new headmate doesn’t have reason to front and isn’t interested in anything, you probably won’t see much of them, and they may end up miserable. Make sure you engage with them and their interests. Let them make friends if they’d like. Get them snacks. Again: whatever works! This is going to depend very heavily on your system, so follow your gut instinct on this one, I think.

Absolutely essential, though, is to not repress anybody. I know sometimes getting a new headmate can be scary, especially if they’re unfamiliar, frightening, seemingly monstrous, or a persecutor, but remember: they’re probably just as freaked out as you are, if not more so, and they need patience and understanding. Statistically, if they’re doing something troublesome, they’re trying to help and just don’t know how, or are misguided on what “help” looks like. Be kind, and try to find a solution that works for everyone.

Past that… just get to know each other. Figure out how to live together and how to make your combined life the best life it can be. For us, there’s so many of us that someone new can almost always find a fast friend in someone else, and sticks with them for a while until they’re more used to the system and more confident fronting and doing things without their buddy. Other systems may be able to mimic this approach, or may need to do something very different. Again, again, again, do what works best for you! If parts of this guide seem unhelpful or counterproductive, ignore them! This is based on our experience of plurality, not yours. Always do what’s best for you, what helps the most of you, and what causes the least distress while still letting you function as much as you need to.

Being plural is a very personal experience, in a lot of ways, which is pretty funny because sometimes that personal experience is spread across two or twenty or five hundred people. It’s also a very personalized experience, meaning we’re all quite different. Your “now what?” might look very different from ours, and that’s okay. We can only do our best, and that’s always good enough.

I hope this is helpful to someone! If you have any questions, please feel free to ask, and I may edit this guide in the future if it seems that I left something out or think of anything to add. =)