Abstract Poetry - Tumblr Posts

the asteroids will take us home

it's been visible for the last week

growing ever larger ever closer

every day we gather and observe

every day we grow closer to realizing that this will change everything

every day we gather and observe

every day we realize that for the moment this changes nothing

we graze or we hunt

we fight we defend

meanwhile it grows ever closer

ever larger

the aftertaste of something much smaller than me

imagine dying lucky at the hands of a predator

imagine dying with everyone else all at once

imagine dying

we were animals too

we didn't know what was happening and then it was happening

in a week we'll all be dead

in a day I'll be dead if i don't eat now

in a week we'll all be dead

so we hunt

or we graze

we fight and we defend

and every day we gather

and we observe

the asteroid grows ever larger

ever closer

while we're on the topic of eternal damnation

if theres an afterlife I'll relent on my death bed

when things start to get bad i think about my funeral

i think about the guest list

i think about the eulogy

i think about the epitaph

I LOVE I AM LOVED

on the off chance of eternal damnation I'll repent on my death bed

when things start to get bad i tell myself I'll take my lithium

lately I've been thinking about my funeral

a tragedy

a party in my honor and I won't be able to attend

I'm thinking about starting back on my lithium

it doesn't make me feel better about myself but it does make me feel better

truthfully I've never felt better than when there was heavy metals coursing through my veins

LiHCO3

the chemical abbreviation for my mental alleviation

i wouldn't have written this if i was taking it

i wouldn't write anything if i was taking it.

lately I've been thinking about my funeral

i want an open mic funeral

i want all my loved ones to bond over having known me

i want the spiderwebs of my actions to make themselves apparent to those who've been caught in them

wilder things: the cat and the mouse

I'll always love this game we play

the evasion

the chase

i thought you were gone for good after the last time

but patience is a virtue

and wait patiently i did

welcome back

i missed our game

i missed the way you hide

from me

from yourself

you're different now

maybe we both are

is this what we do now

two months in six months out two months in six months out

i have maybe a month with you this time

let's see how this goes

game on

nobody ever asks me what i believe

so I'm going to tell you

i believe that burial is the only way to ensure reincarnation

i believe when we rot our brains tap into the fungal network and become a piece of it

our brainwaves dancing along mycelium synapses

forever

and maybe i believe thats the point

to become a piece of everything

below it all

and i believe that when the earth is a burnt up husk unrecognizable to us now

the aliens will still recognize the significance of the spot where we first kissed

i believe queer love is holy

and I believe that rough sex is purer

i believe we're supposed to project onto the Greek heroes

so when matt and i did acid and he told me that he "Icaruses" i responded that everyone does

and we're supposed to

and I believe Sisyphus is finally satisfied

and i believe Judas only ever fulfilled his sacred duty

i believe that the animals i encounter can read my thoughts

and i believe our love will outlast us

that's all

but nobody ever asked

the son of man turns to the treasurer

somewhere between a kiss and several acts of extreme violence ending in a martyrdom

and he said to him

"this has to happen,

i absolve you"

and Judas said

"son of god

i eat your

absolutions

and in time they

may fill me"

sometime later the treasurer stands alone

muttering to himself

"should i see you again?

how many bitter absolutions

would you have me swallow?"

do you remember when

we went to Denny's

you me and Cyrus

remember the Halloween party

red jello shots in clear syringes

you and i gluttonously consuming them

do you remember going to McDonald's with me

remember the park that night i met your friends

you were always better than them

remember when you told me you liked that I write

ive been sitting on this for a minute

that last one i wrote about you encapsulated everything perfectly

so i didnt think i needed this

but

i miss you

we were supposed to spend your birthday together

i get why you had to leave

i hope wherever you are you're safe

remember when you told me you loved me

it's funny

i wish you'd had that confidence before you left town

will i ever see you again

i doubt it

remember how i used to fuck with you

my escape artist

I'm glad i missed your birthday

im glad you left

i don't need to think about you anymore

so why do i

i keep wishing you were still in jail

you know I'd visit you every week

i loved you

I would've been yours in whatever way you'd have had me

i still wonder

why you never kissed me

i had a dream about you

we were walking through downtown Yakima laughing off our own depravity

it felt so real it might as well have been

i dont know what else to say

thanks for holding my tripod

happy birthday asshole

i forgot my camera so Seattle I'll write you down

Dan from the seattle Eagle pours our drinks

tequila and lime for you

Vodka redbull for me

i flinch at the strength

before too long I'll know where this night is taking us

i read your writing

I'm glad theres something about this dive that breeds inspiration

for you and i both

I've finished with my drink but my drinks not finished

the rest is yours

I decide i want another

this time more redbull than vodka

dans happy to oblige

and I'm refilled

after a small puke sesh

(i shan't say whos)

we're ready to close out our tab

--

second venue, carliles (no s)

our waitress looks like Marilyn

i compliment her tattoos

you order

she asks what i want

just water

you joke that I'm your chauffer and i think it's cute

she brings your mocktail while you're in the bathroom

mango, chamoy, tonic water, and lime.

it tastes like blood to me

halfway through your drink and you've had your fill

so its on to the next

--

a homeless man tells us that he's seen people go up the curb backwards

(good advice to a wheelchair user unused to these city streets)

when you spend your life outside you see everything

--

third venue

el borracho

mexican food in Seattle is always an experience

we settle on something light

chips and dip

the presence of cilantro prevents my partaking

i bring you a cheapo margarita

and we sit

and i write

your taco comes

it's ninety percent mush

Mexican food in Seattle is always an experience

it's time for us to leave

i tell the bartender he makes it look easy while we settle our tab and get change for the bus

we miss the first one but make the second

the driver helps us with your chair

she lets us off at her last stop

five blocks from our destination

pushing your chair uphill is hard but i dont mind because i love you

we eventually make it back to your car and find under the windshield wiper a parking ticket

we're thirty minutes late

after a close call on the freeway

(followed by flashing lights, passing, and a brake check)

we made it home

and i found my camera

complicate me

my superiority complex and my inferiority complex are lovers

it almost feels natural

this maelstrom of psychotic self interest

one extreme or another

as long as i can still behave we're good

does this feel like security?

i still haven't been asked to compromise for my art

maybe that's what it's like when there's no money involved

my morning routine consists of:

nicotine first

then water

my evening routine consists of

alcohol

truthfully, i despise the things i put into my body

i despise the electronic vape that delivers nicotine into my waiting lungs

i despise the liquor that delivers alcohol to my oh so patiently waiting brain

does this feel like escape?

her lips taste like wine

she tells me to stop looking for love in people who cant provide it

only, i wasnt looking for love when i found her

there's an alchemist that lives inside my head

transmuting warm bodies into soulmates

blame it on bad chemicals

or an addictive personality

fuck blame it on necessity

an artist needs a muse

and another artist makes an excellent muse

reality sickness

I'm a cynical optimist

in other words, a realist

i see things in a darker light

but

i think things are going to be okay

maybe that's not as revolutionary as I think it is

but

i finally realized it's worth it just to be alive

when i say i want to be loved

i mean like the mouse loves the cat

because how couldn't he?

and how couldn't the rat love the rattlesnake

or the ant the magnifying glass

it takes love to give your life

and even if it's taken I'll still give it gladly

if you'll be the cat i can be the mouse

and if you'll be the rat

I'll be the rattlesnake

and I'll make it quick

because i love you

and I'll make it hurt

because the hurting is the part of falling in love that feels like hate

there's a lot of anger in my heart

here

i saved you some

there are times when anger sits sedentary in the palms of my hands

other times it lashes out lightning tails in my heart beating thunderheads throughout my body

the sound of my heart pounding a locomotive barreling towards one person

or five people

what path do i direct it

are we tired of the trolley problem yet

we should kill everyone who talks about it

or the person who invented it

there's a tiredness within me

here

i brought you some

i set the inner peace off to the side

none for me thanks

i don't need to be peaceful nor peaceable

sometimes passivity sits itself calm in the pit of my stomach

sometimes it spreads its wings over me enveloping me

passivity

the hanged man weeps

his tears running down his forehead and dropping from his brow ridge to the ground beneath him

the thing the hanged man won't tell you about himself is that he puts himself there

the thing i won't tell you when you find me upside down on the tree is that i put myself here

sometimes it's funny having an eating disorder

there's a sandwich taunting me from the kitchen counter

I've spent the last nine months eating my words

theres a half sandwich taunting me from the counter

the thing about getting better is that you have to do it every day

there's an empty plate taunting me from the sink

an ode to a cigarette wedged gently betwixt two cement paving slabs

hello my Dearest,

I've longed for you since i knew how to want

i see you hidden away there

a gift from god

or perhaps some passing stranger

worry not Dearest,

you're safe now

you're coming home with me

another mantra

i am aware of the impact others have on me

sometimes i dont know what to say

when that happens, someone else takes over

how can I explain that I'm not the crazy one

it's the voices in my head that are crazy

I'm normal

alternatively

if i didn't have the voices

i think I'd lose my mind

it is what it is

animal masks

we dress ourselves in the skins of wilder things

there's a dog at the door

a fox in the henhouse

a coyote in the forest

a cat in your lap

they get away from you

the first rule of wearing an animal mask is to make sure the animal doesn't get away from you

the difference between animals and people is that the animal will only ever be an animal

people

duplicitous as they ever are

in an animal mask

will build themselves an archetype

the thing about an animal mask is that it separates the wearer from their humanity

in other words

an animal is a person with nothing to hide

i see alive people

i see the way they live their alive lives

i envy them

i envy the nine-to-fivers

sometimes i feel like i made a deal with the devil

artistic freedom comes at a price

an ode to an adderall found between crumpled bedsheets

hello my beloved

I've been thinking about you you know

what a chance

meeting like this

me here

you here

us here together

lets get you out of there

i understand what it's like to be forgotten

let me take care of you

An ode to a white claw shoved in the back of the fridge

Wow

It's you

That object of my deepest most secret desires

I swear no one has ever felt longing like this longing I feel for you

It seems to permeate like the summer sun

Or the winter wind

The way it fills me

The way you fill me

This dreaming of you

Like a cancer it corrupts my mind till all i can articulate is my wanting for you

childhood is captivity

An older boy asks me if i want to play a game

I don't remember the end of this story but I know how it ends

Childhood is captivity

I come to in a dark house

My hands and feet are covered in blood

I don't remember how this story begins but i know how it started

Childhood is captivity

The overarching theme of my youth and young adulthood is fear

The cage I outgrew had four walls and a brown panel door

The cage that outgrew me was a line of trees i was far too afraid to pass

Childhood is captivity