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Open Family Room Los Angeles Mid-sized minimalist open concept dark wood floor and brown floor family room photo with white walls
i just wanna say i live for ur entire blog u made me appreciate seugiku in the first place and oh god im down the rabbit hole
im so— AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA??????????
PLEASE my blog is such a mess and all over the place but im so honoured that my unbashful love for two(2) homos is contagious enough to have made you appreciate them 😭😭 im crying ur such an amazing artist and u saying this to me makes me leap with joy
THIS. I- just, pure perfection in my eyes. I loved everything about this. and the comfort it brought me after such a long day! 🥲 if I could, I’d hug you through the screen.
Forgive Yourself
Summary: Going on a mission where you were being forced to act close with Wanda, you never thought it'd actually pan out that way.
Pairing: Wanda x Reader
Genre/Warnings: Fluff
Word Count: 4.6k
A/N: Italics are flashbacks. Happy reading!
*please do not repost or translate my material or claim as yours. reblogs, comments and likes are always appreciated!*
____________________________
Adjusting the bag that rests heavily on your shoulder, you lean against the escalator railing and stare at the posters that line the wall. Getting lost in the images of all of the most popular tourist attractions, you start to think about the last peaceful moment you had before you got shoved onto a long plane flight.
“The public doesn’t know you,” Tony had told you, “Hell, we barely know you. You’re perfect for this mission.”
You had glanced around the conference room, Natasha and Steve nodded right alongside Stark. This was all happening because you had just joined the team, didn’t have the opportunity to get your face plastered onto the cover of a TIME magazine, you were sure of it.
Nat had slid a file towards you, “Wanda’s already gone ahead and started to set up your persona’s. You’ll be coming home from a business trip, which is why you’re able to live in these apartments. Right across the way from Kasandra.”
Your foot scrapes against the end of the escalator as you quickly jog to keep yourself from falling flat on your face, not exactly a good first impression. Especially if there might be eyes on you. Following the airport signs, you find your luggage and eventually find yourself stepping out into the harsh winter wind of passenger pickup.
That’s when you see her. Leaning against a black car, sunglasses pushed up against her auburn hair and arms wrapping her peacoat tighter around herself. Seeing her as you stop in the middle of the crowd, letting the strangers walk around you, your eyes dart around for a moment. At that moment, you think about slipping away and getting away.
“How long are we going to be stuck over there?” You asked as you flipped through the file as your knee bounced beneath the desk.
Nat shrugged at you, “As long as we need you two there.”
Green eyes flash to you and as her brows gently clench together, you can see the recognition on her face. Snapping immediately into her role, she sprints across the way and slams herself into you as you brace yourself for her weight. You barely step backwards as you drop your bag and wrap your arms around her, laughing as your eyes worryingly search through the crowd to see if anyone can see through this fake airport reunion.
“Wow,” she whispers against you as she cups your face with a huge smile on her face, “you’re a bit buffer than I thought.”
You chuckle but it catches in your throat as she pulls your face to hers, cold lips finding yours as you quickly slam your eyes shut.
You’d known Wanda for a few months now, especially since the two of you were the newest members of the Avenger team. Wanda beat you by almost a year so that still left you on the outskirts, especially since you didn’t make much effort to be involved with the team. Finding other things to do when movie nights were scheduled and only seeing the team during missions or training.
The team had gotten used to it by now, seemingly respecting what they thought was just your personality. Wanda was different though. Her eyes would always find yours in the room, as if she was reading much more than your mind. The grin that she only shared with you and the way she always looked to you when she heard your voice, she understood there was something more going on.
Wanda clears her throat, tapping the radio to play some music inside the quiet car as you rub your tired and dry eyes. Feeling a chill down your spine, you open your eyes and see your favorite soda floating in front of you.
“Thought you’d be thirsty. I know it’s a long flight,” Wanda glances away from the road to you, “And it’s a bit of a drive to the apartment.”
You nod quietly, listening to the crisp, hissing noise as you turn the cap of the drink, “Was your flight as choppy as mine?”
Wanda lets out a groan, smiling over at you, “Jesus, I wish that was the only thing wrong with it.”
Pulling your leg higher up your thigh to try and cross it in the compact space, you lean back against the door and watch her talk about two passengers who nearly got into a fight and caused the plane to turn around. You watch her for a moment, flipping the cap in your fingers as you listen to her story. Watching how her eyes gleamed from the sun that bounces off the snow banks around the road, her ring filled fingers that tried to shape the story in front of her. Her laugh is contagious, pulling your own laughter out from you.
Then as her lips spread into a smile, you raise your brows, “They gave me chicken instead of beef for my meal.”
Wanda smiles and gives a little nod, “Don’t worry. I’ll feed you while we’re here. Probably after you have a nap, huh?”
She was right. You felt absolutely exhausted. You tried to take a nap on the flight, taking some medicine but all that did was make you feel drowsy and irritated instead of falling asleep. As her hands slowly turn the steering wheel, your eyes glance over the tall and brick walled apartment building that’ll be your home for the foreseeable future.
Wanda tells you about the uneventful few days she’s had setting up the extra room into the reconnaissance center. How she hasn’t seen Kasandra except for one time, so she hasn’t learned her schedule yet. As the keys jingle in Wanda’s hand, her other hand guiding you inside the apartment, you let out a whistle.
The counters are lined with gold and instead of a living room fan, there’s a chandelier. A flatscreen television hangs from the wall and fancy glasses line the shelves by the dining room. Peeking down the hallway, you see a lavish bathroom with a claw-foot tub and separate waterfall shower. There’s a door that heads into the master bedroom and then another door that heads into the reconnaissance room.
“Sooo,” Wanda says as you turn to see the grimace on her face, “There wasn’t a bed in the guest room but there is a pullout couch!”
With a flick of her wrist, the coffee table is slammed against the wall as the bed inside of the couch is pulled out. You eye her carefully as you go over to it and plop down onto the squeaking mattress. Kicking off your boots, you lean back onto your hands,
“You got here first so you could get the bed, huh?”
Wanda shrugs, “First come, first serve.”
___________________________
Yawning as you place a steaming mug next to Wanda, you lean down next to her and look at the camera footage she’s clicking through. It had been over a month of learning each other’s routines and learning Kasandra’s. As far as you were concerned, Wanda was an easier nut to crack.
It was easier to learn that Wanda took half a spoon of sugar and two spoonfuls of creamer in her coffee than it was to learn that Kasandra had three separate vehicles. When the two of you had seen a sitcom rerun too many times, you knew that if you turned your head you’d have green eyes watching you carefully. And if you looked over at Wanda at that moment, she’d have a question waiting on her tongue to ask you.
She’s learned nearly everything about you and you her. Where you grew up, her life in Sokovia, your favorite color, and how she loved cooking her mother’s recipes. You learned that when she sat quietly out on the balcony in the cold mornings, she was thinking about her family. And when you were sweating at two in the morning and cranking out pushups, she knew you were fighting with your fear of failure.
Slapping her hand from the keyboard, you go back to the last camera feed she was just on. You point at the SUV in the frame,
“She’s about to leave again.”
“What?” Wanda looks at you, curling up her legs as she hugs the warm mug into her chest, “No, no. That’s uh… what’s the blonde guy she’s having an affair with’s name?”
You glance down at her running names through her lips for a good fit, “Stefano. No, look at this.”
Pointing towards the partially rolled down windows, your eyes scan the vehicle “Those are at least five inch thick bulletproof glass. It’s completely sealed and,” you pause as a guard steps out of the vehicle, “Definitely eight inch thick doors. The engine is probably armored and foamed up, too. She’s traveling to go see the public.”
As if on cue, Kasandra steps out from a personal side exit with a scarf pulled to cover her face and three guards trailing after her. Sipping on your coffee, you watch her exit and a similarly armored car following after her.
“You know a lot,” Wanda breathes out, chuckling quietly and you clench your brows.
“I know a few things,” you snap back at her and watch her brows raise gently.
Watching her, you know that she’s waiting for you to come to the realization. The realization that that was a compliment she just threw at you and not a jab at knowing too much. Wanda pats your arm,
“That's what I said. I’m trying… I’m trying to compliment you, Y/N.”
You nod rapidly, “You did! You’re right. Thank you…” carefully you suck in a breathe, “Thank you. I do… I know. I know a bit.”
She smiles up at you, squeezing your bicep as she walks past, “Come on, know a lot. Let’s get some breakfast.”
Your eyes follow after her, confusion settling in your brain as you feel your arm burning from her touch. She knew about your wariness of compliments, especially after one of the worst failures in your life. Shield had called you a role-model commander as they pinned medals to your chest. But all you could think of were those you brought back in caskets. The compliments from your superiors and politicians made your skin itch and when they casually gave your name to Stark, you were never able to stop the shaking in your hands.
“Y/N?” You hear your name from behind you and glance back as Wanda pulls down your beanie on her head.
You had already told her that it was yours but she swore it was warmer than hers and you had packed two, anyways.
“Yeah?” you breathe out, pushing one of those shaking hands into your sweats.
Wanda leans over, biting her lip as you see the soft glow of red in the hallway. Holding her hand out as your coat floats over, Wanda gives your winter coat a shake and finally pulls a grin from your face.
“I am starving. I demand we go get food.”
You glance back at the computer monitor, “What if she comes back?”
Wanda groans, walking up to you and throwing your jacket at your face. Pulling it down so she can see your laughing face, you catch the slightest blush in her cheeks and a sight that nearly knocks the breath from your lungs. As she glances up at you, her nose scrunches with her laugh and your hand grips tightly around your jacket.
“If you want to watch them start to get down and dirty, that’s your own perverted prerogative. I am going to get myself warm french toast. You are welcome to join me, though.”
For a moment, the two of you stand there. Watching each other, you with a careful stare and her with a glowing grin on her face. The anticipation in her eyes was telling you everything. Back at the Compound, the invitations you received were only if you were in the same room as the others but you always shook your head in refusal. But there was always one person who seeked you out to repeat the invitations or to give you new ones.
And they were standing right in front of you.
“Only if you’re buying.”
Wanda smiles, glancing away as you turn to grab your wallet. You hear her groan and turn back to her as she glares out the large windows.
"Don't you hate when people do that?"
You stand behind her, trying to look in the same direction she is, "What?"
Wanda points out, looking back to see if you're following her finger. Your eyes scan the sidewalk for someone mugging someone but all you see is a man walking his dog. Glancing down at her, you give a shrug of your shoulders.
"Look, that dog's ear is flipped inside." Wanda glowers out the window, a grin growing on your face at how worked up she is about this, "I'm going to open the window and yell at him."
"You are most certainly not," you chuckle, stepping around her and pushing her towards the front door. She tries to spin around you, trying to trick you so she can give that man an earful.
You quickly wrap your arm around her waist though, dragging her with you into the living area.
"Why doesn't he fix it!"
"Alright, you're eating that french toast and going to bed."
Wanda sighs, holding out her hands to tell you that she isn't going to try and yell at him. You still watch her, slowly grabbing your snow boots. Her feet quickly slip in as she practically snaps the laces tie themselves. Green eyes flash to you and then to the door as you freeze, pulling the loops of your boots.
"He was walking to the restaurant. I can catch him!"
She's quick on her feet, sprinting out the door as you try your best to sprint after her with one boot on, "Wanda!"
__________________________
Moments of fun and laughter, of Wanda chasing to fix a dog's ear and you groaning about having to listen to Kasandra's extra curricular activities, helped you find moments of respite with Wanda. Moments when you weren't thinking about whether or not your belonged here. But those moments never lasted forever.
It was another night that you found yourself panting as you sat at the edge of your bed. Sweat poured down your body as you slicked back your hair and tried to press the images from the inside of your eyelids away.
The screaming faces of your soldiers, the explosions that knocked you sideways and the fear that chilled the blood in your veins. Trying to shake the nerves from your hands, you stand up quickly and take a glance out the window. The world seems quiet, the occasional car driving passing on a silent street. Calm and peaceful. A far cry from the memory that plagues your mind, that haunts the medals you stuffed away in the dark and dusty corners of your boxes.
It wasn’t your fault, people had told you. How could you have known that Hydra had been experimenting in that small little town? How could you have known not to send your soldiers into that factory? How could you have known you’d be the only one drawing breath by the time reinforcements found you and your team.
None of it mattered though. You’d done what you were ordered to do. Inspect the site and get intel. The casualties were but a blip on your superior’s radar. They called you a hero. You felt like anything but that. You felt hollow, a failure. The leadership you lost in that mission sent you up to the top, receiving commendations that hung low on your slumped shoulders. It wasn’t until you were walking through the Avengers Compound doors that you learned that your success in recovering the intel was fruitless.
“Raccoons get into the trash again?” the soft, accented voice causes you to jump, nearly slamming the mug you had absently started to spin on the counter.
Looking behind you, Wanda stands there wrapped in a blanket as she sleepily rubs at her eyes.
Breathing out carefully as you try to calm yourself, you sit back down on the stool with a hum, “They know I’m watching.”
Wanda chuckles quietly, walking from behind you and you watch her quietly. Pulling out the carton of milk from the fridge and pouring herself a small glass.
“Another nightmare?” she asks, shutting the fridge.
You nod, “Something like that.”
Leaning on the island opposite of you, her eyes no doubt see the dark circles beneath your eyes. Her finger runs along the lip of her cup as she watches you sip on your own milk.
“Did you try that box breathing?” she asks, eyes perking up.
You nod and then continue to nod as she starts to ramble through a list of tips meant to get someone back to sleep. Counting sheep, counting backwards from a hundred, doing some meditation, warming up some milk. You raise your now lukewarm mug and let her know that you’ve done them all.
Wanda sighs, “Well, you might be a helpless cause.”
You chuckle and glance up at her, “Tell me something I don’t know.”
She walks around the island, sitting next to you and resting her head on her open palm. Glancing over, you feel the tightness in your chest as your eyes connect.
“When Piet and I escaped from Hydra… I had nightmares every single time I closed my eyes.” she nods as you watch her go back to that time for a brief moment, “Went completely delirious because I couldn’t sleep.”
Holding onto the mug tightly, Wanda glances down at the death grip you have on it, white bleeding out from your knuckles. Reaching forward, her cold fingers unfurl yours and she gently flattens your hand on the counter.
“Pietro would come in and calm me down everytime,” your hand is shaking but you feel it start to calm down as her fingers run up and down your forearm, touching each of your fingers, “I uh… it was nice just having someone there I knew wasn’t going to be gone in the morning.”
“Did it work?” you ask, chuckling as she presses into the center of your wrist and you watch your fingers slowly curl into your palm.
“Basically,” she shrugs, leaving her hand to rest on your arm as she takes a drink, “Rarely get them now. It might help you, but you are a bit weird”
You roll your eyes, standing up with a held breath as her hand slips off your arm, and place your mug in the sink, “It wouldn’t hurt to try, I suppose.”
Turning as you lean back against the sink, you let out a quiet sigh and your eyes find hers staring back at you. In that quiet moment, nightmares are completely forgotten about as the world around you slowly disappears. The only thing you can see are those green eyes that twinkled as if the morning dew had touched them. There’s an indescribable weight in your limbs as you press your hands down onto the edge of the sink.
Neither of you dared to move, to break whatever this was between the two of you, maybe in fear that it would be lost forever. But as you try to rest all of your body onto your arms, your elbow collapses in unexpectedly and your hand falls into the sink, smacking the mug against the metal wall in a loud clang.
Groaning, you mutter curses to yourself as you try to rub the growing heat from your face before turning back around. Wanda giggles behind you, pulling you to sheepishly look over at her. Her grin sends a jolt through you as you watch her stand and wrap her blanket over her shoulders, creating a long and elegant cape behind her steps.
“If worse comes to worse,” she tells you as she places her glass next to your hand, as her leg presses into yours, “We can have a movie marathon!”
You roll your eyes, feeling her fingers wrap around your wrist and drag you towards the master bedroom. Carefully, you follow behind her, your eyes staying on the floor the whole time so you don’t step on her blanket and send you both tumbling down to the floor.
As soon as you step into the threshold, she lets you go and makes a running jump onto the king size bed in the middle of the room. Remote already in hand as you carefully glance around at the random, rich people artwork, Wanda watches you as she snuggles underneath all of her blankets.
“So,” you say, crossing your arms as you bend over to look at an interesting line of elephant knick knacks, “You had this huge bed in here the whole time and didn’t want to share?”
“Well, I’m sharing now aren’t I?”
You hum, walking back towards the door and switching off the light as her red magic flicks on the bedside lamp, “I suppose you are.”
Sliding beneath the covers, you hike up a leg as you lay on your stomach and roll the pillow beneath your face. You watch her look intently at the glowing television screen, finding something to watch as you feel your body start to slowly relax but your mind is still moving at a million miles per hour. You change which leg you have hiked up, then you flip onto your back with a grunt, and then you’re curled up on your side before completely giving up and slamming a pillow on top of your face.
“Roll over,” Wanda’s muffled words work through the pillow and to your ears. Her hand gently presses against your shoulder as you listen to her order with a groan.
Smacking your cheek down onto the pillow, Wanda chuckles quietly as she reaches out to you. Her hand presses down onto your back, cooling the balminess of your skin beneath your shirt as she slowly rubs your back in a slow circle. Slowly but surely, you can feel your heart rate beginning to drop as your eyelids begin to droop and the grip you have on the pillow lessens.
“Why’re you always alone back at the Compound?”
You let out a huff, “Didn’t want anyone to talk to me.”
Wanda changes her slow circle into soft traces with her nails down your back, sending a shiver through you but a relaxing sigh at the sensation it brings, “Well, that’s stupid.”
Snorting as you pick up your head to make a joke, her hand leaves your back and shoves your head back into the pillow with a smile, “Stupid since we’re a team and we’re supposed to friends and trust each other.”
“I’m talking to you now, aren’t I?” You raise your brows as you pick up your foot to roll out the tightness in your ankle, “Besides, I didn’t say anything about trust.”
“Well, I am. How do I know you’re not just going to go back into your hidey hole until the next mission?” Wanda’s hand scratches lightly down your arm, leaving a soft red mark on your skin.
“Because you trust me.” you whisper, dropping your leg and extending your arm so she can run down every inch of it.
“And do you trust me?” she whispers back to you as your eyes slowly reopen and you see her laying with her face inches from yours.
With a sigh, you flip onto your back and interlock your fingers on your stomach. Wanda doesn’t stop her tracing, eyes locked on your face as you tell her the story, your failure.
With each glance you bravely take to look at her, you see her eyes intently glued to you as she soaks in everything you’re telling her. All of your fears of not being good enough for the team, of making another mistake like you did all those years ago. Wanda eventually stops her tracing as she reaches your wrist and just pulls your hands apart gently and replaces the cold emptiness with her own hand.
“I’ve got a box of medals somewhere,” you whisper out into the room, squeezing her hand that rests on your stomach, “Don’t deserve a single one. Those damn things belong to everyone I lost that day. They’re dead and I’m not. I… shit,”
A familiar stinging in your eyes appears and you quickly rub them with your free hand, trying to clear the tightness in your throat.
“Oh, Y/N,” Wanda whispers, pulling herself closer to you as she rests her chin on your shoulder, her hand running through your hair, “You’re a survivor. Not a failure. That’s the guilt talking.”
“I just, would they forgive me?” you croak out, the warmth of the tears breaking from your eyes and sliding down your face almost scaring you.
There’s a burning in your throat as Wanda moves quickly, her arms shielding your head as she pulls you into her. Your arms wrap tightly around her, body shaking with the violence of a cry you’ve put off for years. Too scared to confront the faces you saw when you closed your eyes.
“Hey, you did everything you could. You have to stop torturing yourself.” Wanda holds you tightly, rocking her body as you bury yourself into her.
“They’re dead. Dead. Because of me.” you blubber out, your words falling over each other as you try to breathe.
Wanda moves quickly, climbing up onto her knees as she pulls your face away from her. Her hands cup your face, forcing you to look at her and allowing her to finally look at you, “There’s only one person holding you responsible for this, Y/N. You need to forgive yourself. You’re not alone.”
As the words reach your ears, they grip onto you with a force you’ve never felt before. A grip that clings so tightly onto the wall you had built and then they yank with such a strength that it all comes down. What you thought were uncontrollable tears before are nothing to what has worked its way out of you. Your face slides from Wanda’s hands as you press your face down onto the mattress, breathless sobs knocking against your rib.
Wanda’s cold hands never leave you as she wraps herself around you, just holding you in the silence as you slowly start to allow forgiveness into your life.
_____________________
Jolting awake, you squint as a ray of light perfectly found its way through the curtains and onto your face. Glancing around you, you're beneath at least four blankets in an oversized bed. And there’s someone else in it.
“You’ve been here all night?” you croak out, your throat dry from the night before.
Wanda gives you a funny look as she cocks a brow, “What was I supposed to do? Sneak out of my own bed?”
You nod quietly, rubbing your face with a sigh as she reaches out across the bed and grips onto your arm. Feeling the tension from her side, you brace yourself as she pulls herself closer to you until her chin rests on your arm and she looks at you.
“How’re you feeling?” she asks as her other arm lazily falls over your waist.
Clearing your throat, you give a soft pat to her hand, “A bit thirsty. Definitely hungry.”
Wanda smiles, “And the not physical parts of yourself?”
Breathing in deeply, you feel her fingers trace along your jawline as she waits patiently for your answer. But you’re not sure what kind of answer to give her. Is it possible to forgive yourself in one night for a guilt you’ve been carrying for years? You don’t believe so, but looking down into those green eyes you would surely try to.
“I’m working on it,” you tell her, watching the grin spread on her face as she presses her hand onto your cheek.
“I say that earns you some french toast,” rising up onto her elbow, she rests her cheek onto her fist, “Do you need a partner in crime to help you?”
You chuckle, “Is this your attempt at asking me out? I’ve gotta say Wanda, it might need some work.”
She slaps her hand against your arm as she rolls away from you, trying to get out of the bed. But you’re quicker, your arms wrapping around her waist as you pin her down onto the bed with her laugh filling the morning silence.
“I have to go make french toast,” Wanda warns you, playfully trying to push you off of her.
You raise your brows, “Oh, so you don’t want me to kiss you?”
With great humor, you watch the red in her cheeks explode all the way down onto her neck as her eyes widen in surprise. You grin,
“Don’t tell me you’re surprised. I just cried my eyes out to you and now you’re offering me french toast? This is us dating right?”
Wanda scoffs, “No, this is you trying to distract me from the fact you didn’t do the dishes yesterday evening.”
You lean down closer to her, feeling her fingers grip onto your tighter, “Is it working?”
Her hands let go of your arms but only to wrap around your neck and pull you down onto her, “Yes,” she breathes out and her lips smash against yours.
They move against yours perfectly as your arms slide around her body, pressing her body into yours as you feel the blankets wrap over you again. Encapsulated back into the warmth of the bed, Wanda nips lightly at your lower lip and brings you out of your trance to breath. Smiling up at you as her finger traces down your nose,
“This’ll be a fun surprise if we ever go back to the Compound.”
You run your nose along her jawline with a chuckle, “You’ll have to learn to share your bed more often.”
Wanda laughs lightly, “I think a few more kisses could persuade me.”
And with that, you find your lips pressed against hers once again as Wanda pulls you back into her. Both of you forgetting the mission for just this moment of pure happiness together.
____________________
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*insert very loud and over the top ‘Cough Cough’ here*
the :) AO3 gives you after telling you you’ve already left kudos on a particular fic is my archenemy because what do you mean :) ? what do you mean I’ve already left kudos here? have you read my favorite author’s work? look me in the eyes and tell me one kudos is enough. I’d give them a thousand kudos and my kidney plus my firstborn. what do you mean I can only give them one kudos??????